


You Are Golden

by louloubaby92



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Violence, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Nightmares, Other, Physical Abuse, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-15 20:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 179,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3461636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louloubaby92/pseuds/louloubaby92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles doesn't see Louis Tomlinson as golden boy even though he is captain of the football team, loved and respected by all and has an amazing singing voice. He would be right but not in a million years did he expect the layers of complexities in Louis' life and the way the others are so fiercely protective of him until he becomes just as protective even more.</p><p>An AU story set in high school with Louis as a football player, Harry working in a bakery at weekends, Zayn as a waiter in a pub, Liam the x-bad boy and Niall their favourite Irishman and they all sing (Parents are involved but not all in their original names coz I dont wanna drag their real names in the mud)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You took me by storm

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT MY STORY, THIS IS THE STORY OF ''ANNA WRITES'' AND WAS UNDER THE TITLE OF ''GOLDEN BOY''. SHE DELETED HER WORKS BECAUSE OF REASONS UNKNOWN. I FOUND HER ON TWITTER AND ASKED TO POST THIS WORK OF HERS AND ASKED HER PERMISSION TO EDIT IT OUT BECAUSE SOME PARTS OF IT ARE COPIED FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S WORK AND I TOLD HER THAT IS A ''''''BITCHY'''''' THING OF HER TO DO, ESPECIALLY WHEN, AS A FELLOW WRITER WHO IS SOON GONNA POST ORIGINALS THINK HER STORY IS GREAT AND THAT SHE DIDN'T NEED TO TO THAT TO HER FELLOW PEERS AND SHE AGREED, I MEAN TOTALLY AGREED TO LET ME HASH UP HER STORY. SHE GAVE ME FULL REIGN TO TAKE OVER AND I PROMISE TO REMOVE THE COPIED PARTS AND INSERT ORIGINALS INSTEAD SO I HOPE I DO YOU ALL PROUD. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!

 

Harry finds it quite easy. Yes, despite moving into a new town and going to a new high school, he doesn't find fear lurking in the corners about fitting into the social ladder that is high school. He trusts his mom when she told him that all he needed was confidence and Harry loves his mother too much to not believe any word she says.

Of course, it helps quite a lot, even though Harry is not aware of it, that he's quite charming. Yes, very charming indeed so much so, that when he walks down the hallway of his new school, ever so oblivious of his surroundings as he saunters with his skinny black jeans, tousled curls, shiny green eyes and kissable lips, it was pretty clear that Harry was not going to be at the bottom of the food chain. As the smiles and winks pass his way and him finally noticing and returning them effortlessly with a friendly wave, an easy tousle of his hair, a cheeky smile, a wink that's got all the girls drooling, it was quite obvious that he has already charmed his way in. Harry had nothing to worry about.

Sure, he's never one to be understood, always gets close to people who can't get beyond his looks, but Harry is not one brought up to hate or despise but he's human and deep down inside, he's always yearned for a little something more, like a genuine friend who truly understood the real him, the him that doesn't party but doesn't mind partying, the him that doesn't know how to play football but wouldn't turn down a game, the him that has all these big dreams and hopes one day to achieve them regardless of the impossibility of it. He doesn't expect to find someone like that any time soon, but it's always a constant kind of hope.

His first day of school, he's got the teachers impressed by his politeness, the girls already swooning for his cat-like green eyes and the boys impressed by his easy conversations and maybe a little bit envious of the way he carries himself with the ladies.

Zayn becomes his first friend and it doesn’t take a while for Harry to figure out that Zayn is one of the coolest, hottest guys in school. He can understand why, what with that dark hair and the way his leather jacket just fits so well with his lean body, the way his quaff is just right and the way he carries himself, all chilled out and relaxed. Well, it's like he's casually destroying lives. They meet in Geography class where Harry finds an empty seat in the back next to Zayn, whom he did not know yet. However, he has come to head with his reputation earlier when he was asking a girl about where the class was and just as she was about to answer, a certain Zayn Malik walked by that made her mouth gape open, stare as he walked past with her neck doing a 180 before she returned her attention back to Harry. He could not quite blame her and actually found it amusing that though Zayn has got plenty of empty seats around him in the back of the class, all the girls decided to huddle up the front and stare at a distance. It was quite the sight, especially when said black-haired boy was totally chilled and not spooked out about being stared at from underneath heavy lashes. Harry walked onward, and he was about to sit when Zayn puts his leg out and stops him it.

''Sorry, mate, that seat's taken.'' He says politely -despite the physical gesture of his leg that hinders him- in a heavy Bradford English accent. In all honesty, Harry was ready for a rebuttal but was charmed by the boy's cheekbones and bright brown eyes that he couldn't help but get taken aback and think, wow, this boy's beautiful. Yeah, Harry is open-minded that way.

''Why, is there an owner's name written on it?'' Harry says easily and with no offense. The dark-haired guy smirks.

''Yeah, you're actually right.'' Zayn replies with a nod towards the empty desk next to him.

Curious, Harry turns to look. He twists his neck to read the words scribbled on the desk. The handwriting is child-like and slanting in big bold letters horizontally across the whole of the desk. It read, ''Property of Louis W. Tomlinson :D''

Before Harry can say anything, someone taps on his shoulder.

''You're in the way, curly.''

Harry turns around upon hearing that cheerful voice and finds himself in front of a boy two inches shorter than him. He's got a mess of shiny brown feathery hair, slanting to the side of his face in a fringe whereas the rest of his hair looked wind-blown yet just so perfect. He's got strong thin jaw-lines and wow, the deepest blue eyes Harry has ever seen. It's only a second later, when he notices the smirk on Louis thin, slightly-chapped lips, that Louis has already put his books on the empty desk and is just waiting for Harry to give way. Putting things together, Harry smiles easily.

''I assume you're the infamous Louis Tomlinson?''

The boy next to him snorts and he can only tell he's said the right thing in his situation. Louis' eyes light up in a mischievous way, despite looking taken aback and dramatically putting one hand on his chest and the other on his hip. Harry notices that the boy is quite thin yet has impressive biceps.

''What makes you think I'm infamous, Newby?''

"Well, you've vandalized school property by shamelessly scribbling your name allover it.''

''That doesn't make me infamous. It actually makes me quite famous.'' Louis says with exaggerated pride, standing on his toes a little bit as emphasis before standing at his normal height.

''You seem to take a lot of pride in merely claiming a desk.''

''Who wouldn't take pride in having a school desk as one's property?''

''So, it’s the 'property' part that gets you. Makes you quite prince-like.'' Harry falls easily into the banter, like he's known the lad for years.

''Wish I was, but I'm not.'' Louis says with faux sadness, looking afar like he's looking into his lost faraway kingdom.

''Hmm…'' Harry pauses and strikes a thinking pose but then he catches the looks on the girls sitting upfront, looking back at them, some eyes land on Zayn, others catch his eye and flush red and some were looking at Louis'…ass? Hmm, interesting.

''Maybe you should reconsider.'' Harry says as he nods at the front of the class because Louis must be a prince and girls were drooling allover him just by staring at his back. Louis looks back and as quick as a speeding car, all the girls turn their eyes away, some not so subtly. Harry catches a glimpse of Louis' ass and understands the looks; Louis has a great firm ass shaping his tight blue jeans quite nicely. He adjusts his face when Louis sighs and turns back to Harry.

''You're new but I'm guessing it won't take you long to figure out your way around here, starting with the fact that this desk and Zayn's desk,'' he points to that of the dark-haired kid who not only has a name that precedes him but also a claimed desk. ''And those two desks,'' he points to the one behind Zayn and the desk near the one behind Zayn. ''Belong to a circle of friends who are quite dear to me. However, the desk behind mine is empty and should you claim it as yours, I will guarantee it off-limits to peasants and outsiders.''

Harry giggles and nods, understanding completely. After all, he is new and everybody has their own group of friends whom they like to socialize with in class as they normally do and who is Harry charming as he is to disrupt that?

Sure he could've taken offense and yes he could've decided to sit next to any one of the girls drooling over him too but the offer to sit behind Louis was tempting. There was something about the boy that charmed Harry, with his slightly high-pitched voice, the crinkles in the side of his eyes, the glint of his blue irises and his childish super-man T-shirt and over-sized gray hoodie that made Harry think he would be great companion.

''Why thank you for your kindness, your majesty.'' Harry says with a demonstration of his hand to emphasis a bow. Louis laughs out loud and it's like music to Harry's ears. They're moving fluidly now, with Harry sliding easily into the seat behind Louis and Louis perching on his designated seat. He sits sideways as to continue their little chat.

''You'd better not be too lenient with people around here, curly or else that kind of mannerism is definitely going to get you in trouble.''

''I'm Harry by the way.'' Harry says after a chuckle.

''Well. Welcome to the last year of high school, Harry by the way.''

''Oh new kid!''

Harry is still laughing when he looks back and sees two boys sliding easily into the seats Louis had previously pointed out to. One has blonde hair and the other has short brown hair all quaffed up with hair gel. Louis easily introduces them as Niall and Liam and Harry in turn introduces himself again though not so subtly as he giggles through the syllables with what Louis said about his name.

''Am assuming Louis already cracked a joke or two.'' Liam says warily as he shakes hand with Harry.

''Just two? Why, you don't know me at all!'' Louis says indignantly.

Harry falls quiet later on as the four boys talk amongst each other. However, he listens intently to their exchanges and discovers a lot of interesting things in the dynamics of their conversations. For one, he finds Zayn to be a quiet person, only talking when he finds the need for it and when he does laugh; it's actually not a bad sound to hear. He seems to be more attentive and finds listening easier than voicing his thoughts. Liam seems also just as kind though very conversational and not in a bad way. Niall is Irish and his accent is quite obvious. He seems to laugh at everything, finds everything funny and again not in a bad way. Louis seems like the glue of the quartet, the comedian of the group but he seems to balance each of them out. Harry wonders if he's the leader but finds that word almost strange on his tongue to describe Louis with it. Sure, Louis could be the leader, especially with the way they all seem to look up to him but Harry seems to sense a protective vibe radiating from the other three towards Louis and finds himself confused as to why. Louis seems to know how to carry himself around, with sass in his mannerism and killer jokes that sends Niall guffawing and clutching his stomach. So, he finds the protective vibe quite confusing. Especially when Louis talks to Harry and explains to him something that they mentioned as if to keep Harry in the loophole, like ''oh this teacher is Mr. Sanders who teaches geometry in case you were wondering'' or ''in case you meet this girl, her name's Amy and trust me, you'll know when you see her, she's fit.'' And stuff like that to not make Harry feel left out but he still feels so because of the appraising looks Niall and Liam keep giving him. So he smiles at Louis and acknowledges his heeds with ''hmm..'' and ''Is that so?'' but nothing more. When class starts, all these thoughts dissolve.

At the end of class, Louis says ''see you later, curly.'' And struts his way out of class with the lads in tow and Harry sighs happily, finding it quite nice to know such an interesting person on his first day.

In the next few days, Harry sees more and more of Louis and they get friendlier with every wave passed down the hall or smile thrown at passing glimpses or jokes exchanged before class and a little banter after. Harry doesn't ever join Louis and his friends during lunch but rather he sits with a small group of friends he's acquired from his English class including Amy who is as Louis said, quite fit.

He discovers that Louis is captain of the football team and winner of the 'best player' title for three consecutive years. He discovers that Liam is his wing man on the field and a close companion off the field as well. He learns that Zayn has a girlfriend, a girl named Perrie who has purple hair and that he's in a band that plays weekdays at a local pub and that he's got worshippers for his killer vocals, something that has got Harry interested because he loves local bands. He discovers that Niall plays the guitar in the same band and that Louis and Liam are their greatest fans. He discovers something else that he wasn't told and that's the fact that Louis is loved for more than just being the golden boy, the captain that has led his team to victory for the past three years but because he seems to be a genuinely stand-up guy. He's funny, spontaneous, and hard-working on the field and always defends his friends. He doesn't sit with the football team because some of them are the biggest bullies in the school but he deals with them professionally during matches and they deal with him likewise and part ways otherwise. It all seems to fall under the fact that even the bullies respect Louis and if they wanted to bully someone, they made sure it's not someone under Louis' protective radar. Harry just seems to admire him more and more.

One day, after geography class, Harry is surprised when Louis invites him to sit with them during lunch. So he finds himself walking on Louis' left side with Zayn on Louis' right while Niall and Liam walked upfront. It was becoming quite apparent to Harry that he had probably just befriended the coolest lads in the school from the way the boys and girls down the hallway are looking at them and especially when they enter the lunch hall, it becomes maddeningly obvious that he is not in the company of normal kids. Louis banters easily with Harry, excited almost to fill Harry in on all the gossip of the day and walks with ease, completely unnoticing. Zayn looks wary of the attention whereas Niall and Liam seem completely themselves, almost oblivious. When they finally sit at a table that seems like "Louis' property'' as well, the banter continues until Niall raises his brow when Louis holds Harry's elbow and gets him to sit right next to him, making Zayn shift to the seat by Harry's side. Harry wonders if maybe he's crossed a line and Louis is just too polite to say anything since he was the one who invited Harry to sit with them but then Perrie joins them and Zayn brightens up, and that makes Harry wonder if maybe he was offended by the change in sitting arrangement. Louis was about to speak again when Liam interrupts.

''So, Harry, may I ask you a question?''

Harry looks up and wonders maybe their sitting arrangement should confirm his thoughts on Louis' position within his circle of friends. Louis was sat at the head of the table with Liam to his left and Harry to his right. Niall sat next to Liam and Zayn was next to Harry, listening attentively to his girlfriend and easily playing with her hair as he's got his arm around the back of her chair.

''You sound like you're about to interrogate him, Li.'' Louis puts in, snatching a chip from Liam's plate and relaxing in his seat. Liam gives him a dark look, which does not belong there, Harry thinks since Liam has got puppy dog eyes but continues nonetheless as he turns back to Harry.

''I am not about to interrogate you.'' He says. ''I would just like to know what your intentions towards our Louis here are.''

''Here we go.'' Louis says warily, with the tone of someone who's heard this conversation before. Harry actually finds it quite amusing until he looks at Niall and finds the Irish lad quite serious and approving of Liam's words.

''I'm just asking, Louis, no harm in that.'' Liam puts in.

''Yes, but we've talked about this before and I've already said that he's a good lad so why can't you let it be?'' Louis says gently but Harry is more taken by the fact that he's been mentioned in conversations amongst themselves.

''I have let it be now that I've got your side of the story.'' Liam says easily. ''Now, I want to know his deal.''

''Fine.'' Louis says with a pout before he turns to Harry. ''Indulge him, will you Harry?''

Harry actually finds the whole thing endearing because though it confirms the protective vibe he's picked up on that first day, it's another to actually see it unfold.

''I've got no ill-will towards him if that's what you're asking.'' Harry says directly to Liam, drawling up the last word into a question, as if to ask if his answer is quite alright.

''Hmm, interesting.'' Liam says as he sits back in his seat and looks at Harry, actually studying him. It actually makes Harry feel nervous because he really likes Louis but it has now become apparent that he has to win over his friends if he is to enjoy his company.

''He's alright, Liam.'' Zayn says and it surprises Harry because he's not only joined the conversation out of the blue but he's also got a lazy arm around Harry's shoulder. In the past few days, he and Zayn have found out they've got two classes together without the other boys and that Zayn sits alone in them. When Harry found the seat next to him empty that first time, he decided to take it, simply because he didn't like seeing Zayn all alone. Zayn seemed to appreciate it, much to his surprise and though the two don't talk much but they've become at least second close to Harry after Louis, always sitting next to each other at the back of the class, sharing short easy-going conversations and companionable silence. But it still surprises Harry when Zayn comes to his defense.

''Harry's a stand up guy, right, Harry?'' Zayn now looks at him and there's a bit of seriousness in them.

''Yeah, I would never hurt Louis.'' Harry says lightly as he looks from Zayn to Liam, trying to tone down the seriousness.

But his answer has the total effect. He sees it all at once or rather feels it. Louis has turned stiff next to him, looking down at his lap. Niall looks away as if he'd been intruding, Liam looks at Harry with almost a father-reprimanding-his kid look and Zayn pulls back and looks at Louis with concern. Perrie looks confused and looks from Zayn then to Harry as if to say, ''What have you done to upset them?''

''Well then,'' Liam clears his throat as he shifts in his seat and sits upright. ''Glad we cleared that up.'' he smiles tightly at Harry before digging into his food. Niall does the same but the thick air is still around and Harry doesn't know what to do. He looks at Louis and finds him miles away, his eyes glazed over.

''You should eat, Lou. Lunch hour is almost up.'' Zayn says and Harry finds that strange because they've only been sat for 10 minutes and there's still a proper amount of time left on the clock. Liam then looks up and is all concerned and guilty.

''I'm not hungry anymore.'' Louis says and pushes his tray away. Harry finds it startling because he never thought he'd see a mood swing in Louis or a sad expression on his face. It makes him sad too.

''Lou, c'mon. Don’t be like this.'' Liam says as he pushes the tray back. ''If it makes you feel better, I like Harry too, I just wanted to make sure he was alright by you, that's all.''

''I know your reasons, Liam. Don't play dumb with me.'' Louis says as he looks Liam in the eye. It's not a fight nor is his look confrontational. But Louis just looks sad and Harry is finding that increasingly confusing because he doesn't know what's going on and its obvious something is going on, something big lurking under the table that he doesn’t know about and though he knows he is still not at one with them, he just wishes he knew what the fuss was all about so that he could at least pretend that he doesn’t know and not look like he actually doesn't know.

''So if you know, then you understand, right?'' Liam says gently. Louis doesn’t answer so Liam coaxes his hand to the table and squeezes it. ''Now please eat.''

Louis takes a deep breath and nods. Liam smiles when he takes in a forkful of his salad and Louis smiles at him for that and they smile at each other and everything is back to normal. Except for Harry.

 

The next few weeks, Harry and Louis grow genuinely close and the lads have taken a liking to him. He fitted in so well, it's like he'd always been there, a piece of a puzzle that sat right with them. He laughs at all of Louis' jokes, even those that are not really funny. He takes his usual seat by him or near him whenever they have class together and of course, during lunch. They eat off each other's plates and banter with such fluidity, its becoming so normal. But Harry doesn't find it mundane or something turning casual. He's in awe of Louis. He likes how the boy can speak his mind without fear, how he's always upfront with his thoughts and doesn't give a fuck about what people have to say about it. He walks with confidence down the hallways and doesn't care if his loud voice and boisterous laugh fills up the air. And it seems that not a lot of people mind it either. He's like a breath of fresh air, a contagious bundle of energy, an infectious aura of fun that sends shockwaves of happiness towards anyone who passes his way. When they greet him or he greets back, it always puts smiles on faces and one too many on Harry's face too. Being in the inner circle, he now gets to sit alongside Zayn and Niall during matches and cheer with them when Louis scores a goal. And Louis' goals are always brilliant, what with Liam's perfect assist and his genuine knack of a talent on them legs. Liam is not bad either, scoring here and there as well. Harry is not surprised that Liam is 2nd best player after Louis in the school and 3rd in last year's championship. The duo just seems to rule the field and the whole stadium just gets high off of them. Harry cheers like mad but he doesn't care because Louis is great and he's proud to call him his friend.

After a brilliant match one Sunday night and loads of congratulations, Harry waits in the parking lot with Zayn, Niall and some other friends for Liam and Louis to join them. There's a victory party going on and they're all going to it. When Louis emerges, Harry can't help but run to him and give him a tight hug for a job well done, almost lifting him off his feet. Louis just beams at the affection, then flails like he's being tossed by an oaf but accepts the gesture nonetheless, almost preens under it. They walk side by side, with Louis's hand around Harry's waist and Harry's lanky arm around Louis' fit shoulders. No one says anything about the gesture as it has now become so natural. Louis and Harry are like another duo and though they've raised eyes at their antics at first, now it's nothing new. Rather, it's something they're used to.

It’s the first time Harry's gone to a victory party so he doesn't know how to arrange himself but Louis has got that all covered. They all pile up into Zayn's black convertible with the hood up. Zayn's the designated driver, Perrie's riding shotgun, Niall's sat next to Liam and Louis' on Harry's lap. They've packed their gear in the trunk so the space isn’t so tight and Harry thinks Louis smells too good for someone who's just played a football match and has only taken a quick shower in the school's shower room. But he holds him close as he talks with Niall and Liam and Louis has his head tucked in the crook of Harry's neck, also joining the conversation. Zaym hums to the tune on the radio while Perrie speaks softly on the phone to her mum. Though Zayn doesn't say much, he occasionally glances at Louis and Harry. Sometimes, he smiles and sometimes, he frowns. Harry doesn’t know what to make of it but figures it's no time to speak about it.

The talk continues until a lull in the conversation made Harry realize that something's wrong. He feels abruptly confused, like something's missing and he wonders if maybe he forgot his wallet back at the stadium or maybe forgot to check his phone for missed-calls. A minute later, he realizes what's wrong.

''Louis?''

Harry catches Liam peering down, trying to catch the eye of the boy in his lap. Harry then realizes that what went missing was the sound of Louis' voice. When he peers down as well, he notices that Louis' eyes are closed.

''Hey, are you asleep, Boo?''

That's another thing that has become so casual between them, the nicknames and constant playful flirtations and acting it up. Harry loves it and hell, Louis almost always instigates and the boys only watch in amusement. But now it's different because Harry is worried and is trying to tease Louis to lighten up the sudden tension in his chest. But Louis doesn’t respond. It startles him then when Liam reaches out and touches Louis' neck that's resting against Harry's chest. Harry doesn't know if he's trying to shake him awake or checking for his pulse and that worries him even further.

''He's fallen asleep.'' Liam says as he retracts his hand but Harry is too confused by the gesture. Liam notices.

''It happens all the time after matches. Don't worry about it.'' He says honestly.

Harry relaxes a little bit until he catches a glimpse of Zayn's eyes, the genuine concern in them before they blink away and back to the road and also the obvious worry in Niall's features that only disappears after Liam puts his hand around his shoulders and starts a conversation with him. And he knows, Harry then knows that this whole protectiveness runs deeper than he thought, that it's very possible that maybe they're hiding something from him and it curdles something deep within his stomach because he just knows that if anything, it's definitely about Louis. Instinctively, he tightens his arms around the golden boy in his lap and keeps his lips on his hair, hoping that the high from the game is making him imagine all these things.

 

Louis wakes up when Zayn hits the breaks and smiles dazedly at Harry who finds sheer relief in his friend finally coming about. The car ride after he'd fallen asleep was not uncomfortable but merely out of balance. After all, Louis' exuberance was missing and as much as he'd sometimes talk too much that they'd want nothing more than to shut him up, his sleep made the car ride oddly quiet, even though Zayn and Perrie were talking sweetly upfront and Niall and Liam were casually talking to Harry about the game. But then there would be these little pauses in between and though they were not uncomfortable, it just seemed that if Louis were awake, those pauses would not exist and in their stead would be them laughing about some joke he said or joining into a banter at the start of any of his snarky remarks. By odd, he means it's like seeing Niall with un-dyed hair or Liam without his sleeked shorn quaff; unnatural and slightly alarming.

They clamber out of the car and into Greg's house, the D.J. who's a good friend of Niall's and the host of the party that night. Everybody congratulates the duo on the superb game and welcomes them like royalty, them and their entourage. Drinks are handed and more congratulatory gestures are distributed, the music gets pumped up and dancing goes wild under the dim lights. After dancing with a couple of girls or two, Harry looks around to find that Louis is out of his sight. He had lost Louis in the throng of people a couple of times before and only caught glimpses of him on the dance floor every now and then but now he's nowhere to be seen. So, he sneaks away and finds himself in the kitchen. He didn't think the place was too hot and over-crowded that only then he realized he was sweaty. It made him feel uncomfortable so he stepped out the back door for some fresh air.

''Hey there curly.''

He looks down and sees Louis looking back at him, with a filled-up beer in his hand. He was sitting on the steps with Niall and Liam on one side and Zayn on the other. Liam and Niall were sitting with their backs against the railing with Niall on one rung and Liam on the one below him. They were looking down at the screen of Niall's cell phone, the light setting their eyes aglow with their heads ducked to peer closely at whatever got their attention hooked. They seemed very brotherly in that position, with Liam's head on Niall's shoulder. As for Zayn, he was sitting next to Louis, sipping from his own drink occasionally. Both their legs were up their chests but they looked quite chilled out and not at all uncomfortable. Zayn smiled when Harry appeared and stood up to give him way.

''Hey, come join us.'' He offered as he sat on the step below Liam and got his head under that of Liam's arm so he could lean into him and peer at the screen as well. He got one hand hooked around Liam's waist so that he could get comfy and Liam just got his arm around his shoulder easily without taking his eyes of the screen. His other hand was around Niall's waist but not exactly holding, more like leaning on the wood for leverage but still, they all looked huddled up in their own bubble world and though it was all so casual, it was one of the loveliest scenes Harry had ever witnessed and he felt like he had stumbled into a completely alternate world, one he never wanted to leave.

So when Louis patted the empty space next to him, Harry was all accepting. As if trying to out-do the others' form of affection, he sat down with his back against the railing and pulled Louis by the waist so that he was sat flush with his back against his chest. Louis was a bit startled but he didn't move away, rather he leaned in comfortably and smiled at Harry from behind his shoulder, offering him his beer in silent words.

''You sure?''

''Yeah, I don't drink anyway.''

''So why do you have one?'' Harry asked amusedly but gladly took the beer. He raised one leg so that he could lean his hand on it, not wanting to spill the drink on Louis whereas his other hand went casually around Louis waist and rested on Louis stomach.

''Don't know. Just felt like it.'' Louis said casually. He pulled Harry's hand a little bit up so that he could get it between his then sat back and looked at the other three boys fondly. Harry hummed in reply and looked at the boys as well. He tried not to feel annoyed at the sight, especially when Liam decided to pull out his headphones and click it into Niall's phone and in an adorable scatter of limbs, ended up giving one ear bud to Niall and holding the other between his and Zayn's ear. It kind of made them huddle closer as they listened intently to whatever song that was playing on the device. Harry just took a sip from Louis' beer and tried not to feel beaten about how much cuter they got to look compared to his attempt with Louis. Speaking of which, the boy between his legs yawned but other-wise looked completely at ease.

''Why on earth do you get sleepy after matches?'' Harry couldn't help but ask. Louis put on a thoughtful expression before answering.

''I don't know really but if you do find out let me know, yeah?''

Harry laughed because how on earth would he find out, but then again, it was such a Louis thing to say.

''Well, wasn't the nap in the car enough?''

''I didn't nap, I was just resting my eyes.'' Louis said indignantly. It’s the first time at this angle that Harry's notices tired lines on Louis' face, like maybe he hasn't slept for days. There are purplish bags under his eyes that almost look black when Louis' eyes go crinkly. He hasn't noticed it before and he finds it confusing because it jut makes Louis look more beautiful. He clears his throat as to not get caught up in his thoughts.

''Yeah, right. You were downright conked.'' Harry snorted.

''Was not.''

''Was too. It's like you're on old man or something.'' Harry teased.

''You make it sound like I'm a senile citizen.''

''I don't know, are you?''

Louis actually contemplates and Harry couldn't help but laugh and give in, making Louis laugh like he'd accomplished something.

''So, you now know that I sleep after matches, yes I admit it.'' He added the last part with faux grudge when Harry pointed at him like a child for spilling. ''Now it's your turn to tell me something I don't know about you yet.''

''Yet? What makes you so sure I would talk?'' Harry asks with amusement, although he already knows he'll tell Louis anything without the need to be asked.

''Because my dear Harold, you are undoubtedly in love with me.''

Harry guffaws at the answer, especially because Louis said it in such a theatre-like way, with one hand on his heart like he was narrating a Shakespearean play.

''Fine, fine. You got me, there.'' Harry says, with his laugh still ringing in the air and his arm tightening around Louis' middle, pulling him closer. ''What would you like to know?''

''Hmm, let me think.'' Louis holds his chin in a thoughtful manner. ''Oh I know, do you have any siblings?''

Easy enough, Harry thinks.

''Yup, one sister; Gemma. She's older than me. You?''

''Four sisters, all younger.''

''Wow, what's that like?''

''Loud, really loud.''

''I believe you.''

''Well, what else?''

''Hmm...'' It's Harry's turn to contemplate.

''I really like sweet corn.'' He says, his voice pitching in the end, as if to ask if it's okay to like sweet corn.

''Yeah?''

''Yeah, a massive fan. It's even my favorite pizza topping.''

''I really like pizza with Ham topping.'' Louis says conversationally.

And the night goes on like that, with them exchanging tidbits and trivia about each other, progressing into story-telling and adventures. Louis makes Harry laugh with so much stories, Harry thinks they're endless. They're not just something funny he did with his sisters or his friend Stan back in primary school but sometimes he tells him about this brilliant match he played once or this song he heard Zayn sing in a pub. Harry loves every expression that appears on Louis's face as he narrates his stories. The pride at winning the championship last year, the gentleness when he talks about his twin sisters, the fondness when he talks about Zayn or the other two, the wistfulness at missing his friend Stan who goes to another school across town. He loves the patience on his face when Harry is too slow for words, the genuine laugh when Harry tells him his own share of stories, his silence when Harry talks about how proud he is of Gemma and how much he looks up to her. He loves how Louis doesn't interrupt even when he can't find the words, rather he feeds them to him and helps him go on. It's one of the best conversations he's ever had with Louis. At a lull in the conversation, he catches Zayn's eyes again when he sips his beer and he sees that look of worry and concern again. He wonders if he should say something but decides against it immediately because the night is perfect, Louis is perfect and giving him his undivided attention and there is nothing Harry would do to dare ruin that.

 

At the end of the week, they have another match and Louis brings them victory. Harry and Louis' friendship is no longer something anyone bothers marveling at anymore. It’s like magnets. They might start out sitting next to each other during lunch but they end up leaning against each others’ heads and shoulders, arms linked or fingers tapping idly. They’re a little like brothers, if brothers never fought or finished each others’ sentences. Harry doesn’t know what to call it. It doesn’t matter. Harry has taken it all in, embraced it openly because Louis is just lovely. He watches him now as he walks across the parking lot alongside Liam and Harry takes his bag for him -a bit taken aback that Louis doesn't protest the way he usually does- and wraps his arm around his shoulder.

''Great game tonight, Lou.'' He says.

''Mate, I didn't think we'd win.'' Louis says honestly. Harry nods. It was a tough game and he didn't think they'd win either. Before Louis scored the winning goal, Harry was already preparing himself to pick up the pieces in case the time runs out and the match is all over. But they won and he's happy and that’s that.

''You won though so let's just focus on that, yeah?''

Louis nods but when he looks up at Harry and gets his arm around his shoulder, there's a stiff smile on his face but that's not what gripped Harry's attention. Harry cannot tell for sure when he sees it because Louis' shirt gets pulled to one side and he thinks that maybe he saw something black above Louis' collarbone, like a tattoo maybe, or something. He knows Louis sees when Harry sees, because the smaller boy pulls his arm away and tucks both hands into his the pockets of his hoodie, eyes on the ground before saying something to Liam though still leaning against Harry. Harry wonders at that and tries to find a way to ask about it. But then Louis is all animate with him, as if doing it on purpose to keep Harry distracted so as they talk on the way to Liam's car, Harry doesn't notice when Liam walks ahead of them, pops the trunk of the car and throws his gear in until he calls out to him.

''Harry, you mind handing that bag over?''

Harry is about to let go of Louis when the smaller boy hugs him around the neck, almost in a stronghold. Harry is startled and doesn't know what to do. He's about to hug back when Louis pulls away and gets into the car, snatching Niall's phone and starting a clamor of giggles as they fight over it. Harry takes a second to analyze what just happened so when he walks behind the car, he throws Louis' bag in the trunk absent-mindedly that he's genuinely startled when Liam grips his elbow and pulls him back.

''Listen, Harry. I need you to like, do me a favor.'' Liam says and though the hood of the trunk is still up and there's no way the boys upfront can hear them, Liam keeps his voice low.

''Sure.'' Harry agrees and knows it's about Louis even before he Liam speaks.

''Well you see, Louis is going to be quite clingy tonight. But it has nothing to do with the match or anything for that matter.'' Liam says quickly and Harry almost feels like he's trying to back track. ''Just, in case he gets clingy with you, just humor him tonight, yeah?''

Harry is about to ask why because Liam is being very vague with him but then Louis shouts Liam's name and demands they get the party going so Liam slams the hood back and eyes Harry one last time before he heads to the driver's seat. Harry takes a second to digest all this in before he puts his game face on and gets into the car. It's almost natural now the way Louis easily slides unto his lap at the same time that Harry pulls his waist. But Harry is worried and tries not to feel tense though it helps having Louis close to him.

He tries to look down Louis' shirt again but stops because he didn't want to look like a pervert. He talks with Niall who's blabbering about something he can't really focus on and only comes back down from the clouds when the car is silent again which means that Louis is asleep.

He holds him tight, worried with every passing second and wishes he could demand Liam what he meant by Louis going to be all clingy. He thinks maybe he can ask as Perrie isn't with them this time so it gives him more room for courage in front of the boys. Only then, he notices that Zayn is sat shotgun and there's plenty of space in the backseat but he still doesn't let go of Louis and at that, he doesn’t find it worth asking Liam anymore when he's holding the boy so close to him.

Alas, they reach Amy's place -she's the one throwing the party tonight and her house is more like a mansion- and Liam is hitting the brakes. Louis doesn't wake though so Harry nudges him by the hip and pulls back a bit to look at him.

''Hey Lou, wake up.''

Lou's got his hands in his pockets and he looks dainty-sized. There's a frown in his brow and a sheet of sweat on his forehead. Harry tries again.

''C'mon Lou. We're here.'' He says a bit loudly and nudges Louis again. He doesn't notice that the boys are waiting outside for them and that Liam had opened his side of the door and is just standing there, waiting.

It happens in three seconds.

''No.'' Louis gasps as he's startled awake at Harry second nudge. He struggles to get his hands out of his pockets and almost topples over if Harry hadn't gripped him by the hips.

''Hey, what's going on, babe?'' Harry says worriedly, startled equally by Louis gesture. The boy looks at him with panic in his eyes before realization hits. He's breathing heavily and there are unshed tears stinging the sides of his eyes and Harry is about to explode with more worry.

''Lou?''

Louis looks behind his shoulder when Zayn calls, placing his hand gently on Louis' back. Louis clamors out of the car in haste and gets his arms around Zayn's neck. Zayn just hugs back fiercely, his eyes swimming in something close to sadness.

''It's okay, Lou. We got you.'' He says quietly and ever so gently, rubbing Louis' back in soft strokes. Liam and Niall don't say anything as they stand close and the look on their faces says that this is not the first time they've seen Louis like this. Harry gets out of the car, feeling shitty like he'd done that to Louis, that he was the one who frightened him away. He wants to glare at Liam for not warning him about this, for coming up short with him but he's too focused on trying to get Louis back and that makes him feel shittier because why on earth would he feel like he'd just lost Louis?

''Lou, am sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or anything…'' he begins.

Then Louis sniffs and turns back to him, smiling tearily. Zayn is reluctant to let him go but does anyway, keeping one hand on Louis' shoulder. There are no shed tears on Louis' face but he still looks like he'd just cried or something.

''No, not your fault.'' Lou shakes his head and reaches one hand to Harry and shoving the other in his pocket, looking apologetic. Harry takes it with both of his, ignoring how cheesy he looks. ''Bad dreams happens all the time, yeah? Didn't mean to run away from you though so, sorry about that.''

''Well, I don't understand. What did I do then to make you…''

''Nothing Harry.'' Louis interrupts sweetly. ''Absolutely nothing.''

Harry is not convinced but once again he is not given enough time to digest this.

''Now can we get in and party?'' Louis says cheerily as he looks around at the lads. ''I didn't win us this game for nothing, you know.''

Niall laughs, more out to humor him than anything else and it clicks inside Harry's head, the advice that Liam just gave him and so he lets Louis pull him inside the house and smiles back at him as if nothing happened.

 

Once again, Harry lost Louis from where they were dancing with these two fit girls and once again he finds himself in the kitchen, looking for Louis. He knows, Harry knows that what he's feeling is overly exaggerated. He's been distracted all night, giving into his thoughts as he danced absent-mindedly with this beautiful girl in his arms, that it's no wonder he lost sight of his best friend (wow, best friend? How did it come to that?) He couldn't help but realize now how much he loves Louis. And it's not a lovey-dovey kind of love. He's got no problems with it but Harry is not gay and he knows neither is Louis. He just sees Louis as his hero, champion, victor, comrade, male crush even. He loves Louis like a favorite brother, a best mate, a dear friend and maybe his love runs so deep that its in the blurred lines between 'love' and 'in love'. But that's ok, Harry thinks, simply because he's confident that Louis feels the same way. They haven't talked seriously about it but it shows. It shows when Louis would reach out and fix Harry's collar when it's not up right. It shows when he puts his hand on his shoulder and tells him to fix his fringe because it's not perfect. It shows when he doesn't tolerate anyone making fun of Harry for how slow he speaks sometimes. It shows and Harry is confident that this friendship of his with Louis has become so precious, it cannot be one-sided anymore.

But sometimes, it surprises Harry how deep he cares for Louis. It sneaks up on him on moments like when he falls asleep in his lap or now, when he can't find Louis again and his chest clenches because he's not in his sight or earshot. He feels that protectiveness now and a little bit of anger at how fast-paced Louis is, at how he's not always aware that everyone else lags behind him, trying to catch up to him. He feels that brush of possessiveness within his innermost thoughts that tells him, 'Louis is my friend, he should be hanging out with me right this minute.' He knows he's being selfish, almost jealous even and he blames Liam a little bit for making him think that Louis would be clinging to _him_ and then is now nowhere to be seen. He has grown so close to Louis since that night on the steps of Greg's house, so connected and perfectly in sync with him that it's physically uncomfortable to be separated now. He can't help but feel mildly furious at Louis as he ducks out of the kitchen and looks for him in every available room he could find though not too long after, he finds himself heading back to the kitchen since some rooms were just too occupied by some nasty activities that he's sure his eyes will be scarred forever if he doesn’t get wasted right that minute to forget it ever happened. Upon still not finding Louis, his irritation grew into infuriation at what that boy had done to his sanity. In a spout of childish rebellion, he stomps out of the kitchen's back door for some fresh air and takes a bold swig of his beer. After he exhales and puts down his beer, he hears guitar strumming. When he looks down, he sees Niall sitting on the steps of Amy's wide balcony, overlooking an empty pool. Niall was with an acoustic and Zayn was sitting opposite him with Perrie under his arm. There was another girl, a brunette sitting under the step by Niall's knee and it all just seemed so private that Harry felt like he was intruding rather than stumbling upon them by accident. Of course, Niall looks up and notices him immediately.

''Hey Harry, come join us!'' he says happily, like he's drunk or something and maybe from the flush on his cheeks and the daze in his eyes, he might be.

Not wanting to be impolite, Harry drags his feet and sits on the steps between Niall and Zayn. He recognizes the girl by Niall's side to be Barbara, Amy's best friend and she looked serene under the moonlight.

''Enjoying the party?'' Zayn asks gently.

''Yeah, just came out for some fresh air.'' Harry answers then looks at them curiously. ''Aren't you?''

He sees Zayn and Niall exchange a glance before Zayn speaks.

''Got a bit suffocating in there.''

Harry nods, seems reasonable an answer, like his own. But then he realizes he only came out because he was frustrated at not finding Louis and speaking of which, he finds it odd that neither Louis –nor Liam- are with Zayn and Niall.

''So where's Lou and Liam?'' he asks casually, taking a sip of his beer while he's at it to hide his curiosity. He almost misses the glance between Zayn and Niall again but this time he's not too sure.

''Were too tired after the match, decided to go home early.'' Niall puts in.

Harry narrows his eyes at him because he knows that's bullshit. Almost all of the other football players are still partying inside and its not even midnight. Yes, he knows that Liam is not a drinker and that Louis is not really that big on parties but he'd never ditch his friends for being 'tired' and its a bit obvious that it has everything to do with Louis' break down at the car earlier. What, wasn't Harry standing right there or did they think he wasn't looking? Harry thinks sarcastically.

''Seriously? That's the best you could come up with?''

And Harry is surprised by himself as the others are, because not once did he ever confront them on anything, never did he raise his eyes when they exchanged secret glances. Harry always understood the fact that these four boys he'd stumbled upon were friends long before he came around so it was definitely a first for the other lads as well, made them realize that he is not oblivious or shallow.

But Harry is drunk and he feels like he has some claim now, reached that point were he's now on equal grounds with them, at least when it comes to Louis. They owe him when it comes to Louis, that's how he sees it.

''Hey Niall, why don't you get us some more of these?'' Zayn says calmly, gesturing at the beer in Harry's hand. Niall looks at him seriously but whatever he finds, it gets him to stand up and drag Barbara with him, passing by Harry without a glance back.

''I'll go get Dani and wait for you in the car.'' Perrie decides.

Zayn nods as he takes out his keys and eases them into her hand as he pecks her cheek. She smiles sweetly at him before standing up and dusting off invisible dust off her hot pink skirt.

''See you later, Harry.'' She says politely before entering the house.

Harry waves at her as Zayn looks back at her retreating figure. He doesn't say much after that until Harry finally decided to cut the silence.

''I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude to him.'' He says.

''It's alright, it's partially our fault too.'' Zayn says as he shakes his head but doesn't look at Harry. It makes him suddenly agitated that though Zayn is about to spill something big, it might not actually bring Harry comfort or answers to the tension he's feeling at Louis' absence or still feeling since he'd startled Louis awake and put that look of panic on Lou's face. Frankly, he's a bit hurt that Louis didn't come looking for him to at least say good bye or leave him with a 'see you later at school' or something or goddammit, explain what happened in the car because Harry just feels so fucking guilty.

''Harry, you know Louis loves you, right?'' Zayn said quietly.

At first, Harry doesn't know what to say, his thoughts a whirlwind in his mind, so he just nods. Zayn turns back to him and Harry realizes he hasn't spoken.

''Yeah, and I love him too. We all do.'' Harry generalizes so it doesn't give an opening to his own possessiveness.

''Exactly.'' Zayn says and it makes Harry narrow his eyes at him.

''Are we still on about this? About me not being alright enough by him to be his friend?''

''No, but that's exactly the problem. We don't want either of you to get hurt.''

''To get hurt by what?''

''Trust me, you don't want to know.''

''The hell I do!''

''Harry, get it in your head.'' Zayn says sternly. ''Louis loves you and if he wants to tell you, he would but he doesn't want to hurt you and neither do we because first of all, its not our secret to share and second of all, this is between Louis and you not us. Do I have to make it more obvious, mate?''

Harry is taken aback by the sudden admission, simply because the clarity of it doesn't really heed real answers.

''I think you do, Zayn because right now, you're scaring me and I think I'm entitled to know, whether by him or you. I mean, aren't we friends, too?''

Harry knows he sounds desperate but this is Louis they're talking about, his idol, his best friend, so he doesn’t care. Zayn holds his hand then, not liking to see the way Harry's eyebrows have arched together in a pathetic frown, and how his green eyes were so suffused with sadness that they had dulled to a pale jade color, all because Zayn made him feel doubtful of their own friendship.

''We are friends, Harry and that is why I'm more than willing to give you this, more than Niall or Liam. I cannot say more than the fact that Louis is a hurricane and if you get too close, you'll be swept by him and trust me, you wouldn't want to not be swept by him and that has to be more scary than you doubting our friendship, don’t you think?''

''So are you trying to warn me from getting too close to him?''

Harry knows that if that's the case, he would then make it his job to not leave Louis ever and only, maybe only when said boy tells him to. He also finds that Zayn is right, that no matter what, if Louis engulfs him in a thunderstorm, he'll happily stand rooted and have the lightening strike him down.

''No, I'm just saying to prepare yourself for the day he fully lets you in.''

Harry lets that sink in for a while, a bit more clarity washing over him. He realizes that his other thoughts, thoughts that were not answered before about Louis, have finally seen some light. He's sometimes got the feeling that Louis has walls, that there are secrets behind his laughs and jokes and why he focuses so intensely during a mere game of football. He'd often left it to the fact that everybody is entitled to some privacy. Hell, even he hasn't told Louis everything so why can't Louis have the same privilege? But now, it's different, now Zayn is saying that there are indeed walls and worse, he, Niall and Liam are standing sentry, barring Harry from them until Louis gives the order to let him pass the gates.

''How bad?'' Harry finds himself saying. He's accepted it now, accepted that he's going to have to be patient through more secret glances and hushed whispers. He's going to have to ignore it when Liam looks at the both of them with concern and worry in his eyes. He's going to have to look sideways when Niall acts clingy and occupies Louis' space and though Louis always looks annoyed, he accepts the distraction. He's going to have to be oblivious to a lot of things, until the day Louis says it all. So for now, he at least wants to know how patient is patient.

''I can't answer that.'' Zayn says as he looks away and it frustrates Harry. Of all the people willing to give him a bit of insight, it had to be the mysterious, almightily quiet Zayn, not carefree Niall or Mr. professional Liam. It just had to be Zayn.

Before he could say anything else, a buzz sounds. Zayn pulls out his phone and peers at the screen. He huffs out a breath and if his shoulders hadn't relaxed almost dramatically at that moment, Harry would have never thought he was that rigid or tense.

''Well, I have to go. Can't keep my bird waiting.'' He says as he stands up and tucks his phone away. He seems lighter now and Harry wonders if maybe he'd been worried over giving Harry too much Intel.

''Was that Louis?'' Harry can't help but ask. He's still grasping for more clues even though he know that if he starts over thinking this, he'll drive himself crazy.

Zayn just sighs, his façade not revealing shit.

''The party is dying out.'' He says. ''Do you need a ride home?''

Harry gives in and nods. After all, Zayn was a wall of mystery himself. He hopes he's drunk enough to forget all this and return to when everything was black and white.

When he gets back home and finally lands on his bed, he's ready to sleep and enter the world of dreams when his phone buzzes. It’s a little bit past 1 am but he doesn’t care. With a groan, he reaches out and fumbles through the dark until his hand lands on his cell phone by his bedside table.

''Hello?'' he says without looking at the ID caller.

''Hazza!!!''

Harry had to pull the phone away for a bit from Louis' loud out burst but then…Louis. Louis is calling him.

''Hey, Lou.'' He said. His voice came out too gentle, almost coo-like which makes him blush. It goes without saying that whatever was said between Zayn and he should remain between them and he can't go talking to Louis like he knows something or else Louis might never tell him…whatever it is that he'll one day tell him.

''You're back home, I presume.'' Louis says, his voice bright and not tired at all.

''Yeah, because you ditched me and left without even a wave, you idiot.'' Harry couldn't help but sound a bit bitter.

''What? I texted you before I left. Didn't you receive my messages?''

True, Harry didn't check his phone all night and has only realized its existence right that minute. Instant guilt wells up, especially at the word ''messages''. How many did he miss?

''No, didn't check my phone.'' he mutters, almost child-like.

''And whose fault is that, little Hazzabear?'' Louis coos.

''Fine, my fault. Why did you leave anyway?'' Harry went straight to the point quickly, or else his cheeks would inflame his blankets from how hard he's blushing at the nickname.

''I'm a busy person, Harry and I'd very much like to wake up sober and have a good cup of tea rather than a gore of a remedy for a hangover. Besides, you know I don't like partying that much.''

Harry can't help but feel lied to, especially after his talk with Zayn that night. Sure, Zayn never told him the truth of Louis' whereabouts but he still can't help but feel that Louis leaving had to do with just more than what both guys have told him.

''Still doesn't entitle you to leave me there, alone.'' Harry can't help but feel mad still about being ditched.

''Fine, check your messages and you'll know how sorry I am, okay?''

''Hmm. Alright.'' Harry gives in. He can never be too mad at Louis, despite the new revelations about him.

''Good. I'll hang up now so you can sleep, okay?''

''No, no. I'm not tired.''

''You sure?''

''Positive.''

''Okay, I’ve got some time. What do you want to talk about?''

''Well,'' Harry thinks this is it. He can ask Louis what he wants without having to face him. So he goes for it.

''I kind of feel guilty about what happened in the car. Like, you said, you had a bad dream or something so I just, like, wanted to know so I'd make sure it doesn't happen again.''

''Love, I already told you. It had nothing to do with you. Sometimes, I get tired and when I'm tired I get bad dreams that are just plain silly. It's not a big deal, trust me.''

''Silly enough for you to run to Zayn and leave me?''

And he knows he's being absurd because of course Louis would run for comfort, run to people who are used to seeing him like that. Hell, he probably didn't want to go all clingy on Harry the way Liam had predicted he would.

''I didn't mean to leave you, love. I already said sorry about that.'' Louis says, feeling properly guilty. ''Besides, I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.''

''Far from it, Boo.'' Harry assures him. ''Just promise me you'd stay with me the next time it happens, yeah? I won't freak out, now that I know.''

''Okay, I promise.'' Louis says solemnly.

''Good.'' Harry sighs happily, wanting to know more. ''So, should I not let you sleep after matches from now on?''

''Nah, it's gonna be alright now that you're around.''

And Harry feels something at that, something clawing deep within his ribcage and he thinks Louis feel it too, the moment those words were said, that it's no longer about Harry only moving into town now and becoming his new best friend, that it has more to do with him having to be there now because now he's in Louis life. Harry doesn't know if this should scare him or make him feel guilty for not being around before even though that wasn't up to him. Hell he doesn't even know what he had to be there for, after all, silly bad dreams that aren't a big deal don't seem to apply and just when he thinks that, he knows for sure now that they do, that Louis is downplaying things with him and that just makes Harry feel guilty for not being the one to hug Louis instead of Zayn.

 _I'm definitely going to change that_ , he thinks.

''So, does that mean it’s a good thing that I'm around now?'' Harry asks bravely and dies a thousand deaths in the half minute it takes Louis to answer.

''It’s a very good thing, love.''

So they talk for a solid half an hour until Louis has to reluctantly let go. But with each passing minute, Harry had relaxed more and more, loving Louis' voice and tired laughter down the phone. Finally, Louis convinces Harry to hang up, threatening him that if he doesn’t sleep right that minute, he'd be too tired to come to school the next day and why would Harry want to be absent and miss out on the fun that is Louis? So he hangs up and drifts into a peaceful sleep, because Louis made him feel all good inside and as much closer and fonder to the boy than any secret had any right to.

The next morning, he checks his messages. He has 5 missed-calls from Louis, even two from Liam and 3 messages from Louis. He opens each of them.

 

'Hey Haz, am out front. Meet me in ten?'

 

'I really have to go, wer r u?'

 

'Sry mate. C u later.'

 

He realizes with a heavy heart that Louis is probably pissed at him for not answering his calls. He cannot even bring himself to wonder why Louis didn't go looking for him or send the boys to come after him instead. He stares at his ceiling with guilt heavy in his heart and intends to make it up to Louis by picking him up so they could ride to school together.

 

He does and all is okay and forgotten. But not to Harry.


	2. My patience runs deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgot to mention that i changed the title of this fic from ''golden boy'' to ''you are golden'' based on lady antebellum's song called ''golden''. as i mentioned before, i have full permission of the original author to completely edit this out but i promise i wont change it too drastically from the original plotline. other than that, have fun!

Another two weeks pass by and Harry has grown accustomed to the side-long glances and the worry and the protectiveness, simply because Louis' attention is always on him. Harry sometimes feels that Louis is trying to compensate, even though the latter has got no clue about Harry coming almost too close to his barriers during that one night. They go to more parties together, at which Louis is almost always with him. Even though he doesn't drink, like at all, he is still the life of the party in Harry's eyes and it makes Harry proud to be a small part of it. Sometimes, when the night is not too cold, they'd stay outside and sit on the steps, just the two of them and talk. Harry discovers that Louis has big dreams of one day getting out of the small town they're in and something about moving to London. Harry feels the same, feeling like maybe there's more to him than just a small-town life. He likes that Louis and he think alike in that prospect.

But where Harry speaks in terms of great ambition, Louis speaks in terms of wistful thinking and Harry doesn't know what to do about that, points out that if Louis sets his mind to it, he can do anything –I mean, he can't be called golden boy for nothing, right? - But Louis just smiles at him, the way you smile at a child who doesn't know any better about the big wide world. It makes Harry feel like he's missing out, something he's gotten used to when it comes to Louis.

They also talk about their family. Harry is so proud of his sister, he's almost gloating just being related to her. Louis is proud of his sisters too but he's more proud –though he's not even an inch aware of it- at the little tidbits he knows about his sisters, little things that when Harry thought about it later on, were things a mom would know more than an older brother should, like what color of skirts Lottie likes to wear and what shirts she likes to complement them with, or what Fizz likes to eat for breakfast on a Sunday morning which differs completely from her Wednesday starter meal, or what Daisy wants for Christmas and what she wants to get her best friend for her birthday or the fact that phoebe likes bleach and safety matches and that it should stay out of her arms' reach. Louis talks more about getting them pretty things, buying them presents, showering them with affection. Harry can't help but look fondly at Louis when the latter boy talks about what Lottie is allergic to, what Fizz's favorite snack is, the way he can get Phoebe to sleep in a blink of an eye, the way he runs in circles when Daisy refuses to take a shower in the morning. Harry cannot help but wonder at the way Louis is so domesticated and that would lead him to asking Louis about his mom because he talks about his mom a lot so he wonders about Louis' mom too but Louis would divert his attention so easily, change the subject so quickly that Harry once again feels like he's running in circles and he doesn't know what this boy has done to him to make him cut said boy so much slack.

Sometimes, the others would join them later during those nights. Niall would be strumming his guitar, Zayn humming and Liam holding a calm conversation. They hang out incessantly even after school hours, either at Harry's place or at some cafe. They never go to Louis' place because according to him, his house is always too crowded and his sisters won't give them any privacy. Harry believes him so he understands and insists he doesn't mind because Louis is always looking out for others rather than himself and insists Harry would be uncomfortable so Harry doesn't push.

On weekends, they'd go to the local pub to listen to Zayn and Niall's band. Harry falls in love with Zayn's voice and complements him immensely after watching their performance for the first time. However, on open-mic night, Harry discovers that Liam and Niall can sing too. However, all that admiration goes to shreds when Liam forces Louis off the table and hurls him to the stage because God almighty, Louis can sing!!! And not only that, he sings brilliantly.

''Wipe that drool, man.'' Niall chuckles at him when he sees the look on Harry's face. Louis had just finished singing ''Look after you'' by the Fray and is heading towards the back where they're sat when he meets a friend and stops for small talk. But still, Harry was too hung up on his performance to adjust the look of total awe on his face. He was mesmerized, too stunned for words until Niall claps his back hard enough to draw him out of it.

''What, he was brilliant!'' Harry says defensively.  
''Yeah, I've heard him before. He was probably only nervous tonight because it's your first time hearing him.''  
''Wait, what? You mean he sings often?''  
''Yeah, he and Liam used to be in our band. See,'' he takes a swig of his beer before he continues, not giving Harry time to adjust to this new revelation. ''Our band used to be Louis on the keys, Zayn and Liam on lead vocals, me on the guitar and Josh there as he is, on the drums. Louis and I would do back-up vocals and sometimes even sing lead but then Liam decided to focus more on football and his studies so now its just us three.''  
Harry is blown away. Not only does he discover that Louis can play the piano as well, but that he used to be in a band, which brings a frown to his face when he realizes that one last part.  
''You forgot to mention Louis' reason for quitting the band.'' Harry points out.  
''Oh,'' Niall takes a moment to let that sink in. ''Well, that's easy.'' he takes a swig of his beer first before he answers because even though they're all under eighteen, they all have fake IDs, including angel-looking Niall who is so in love with beers and pints that Harry sometimes worries about his liver. ''Just like Liam, he wanted to focus more on football too.''  
Harry wonders if that's a lie, a cover-up for his mishap. Niall can't lie for shit and just when Harry was about to form ideas, Louis joins them and plops in the seat right next to Harry.  
''God, I sounded awful.'' He says, a blush creeping unto his cheeks.  
''Are you kidding me? Lou, you were amazing!!'' Harry says with no exaggeration.  
''Yeah, you liked it?'' Louis says as he looks at him, truly doubting himself. It makes Harry wonder how nervous he really was to perform for the first time in front of him.  
''I loved it. You were absolutely brilliant and I am absolutely gutted that you never told me you could sing.'' Harry says with all honesty. He barely notices that Niall has skipped and has joined Liam at the bar, not drinking but chatting with Zayn as the open-mic continues. It was just the two of them in the dim-lit pub and Louis looks absolutely radiant with his hair in its usual mussed up form and his cheekbones ever more prominent. Harry understands how the boys are so protective of him, because he has become that way too. To him, Louis has become so precious and sometimes, he just wants to shield him from the world and keep him protected within himself.  
''Well, I'm glad you liked it then.'' Louis says, trying to hide his relief and absolutely failing. He grins at Harry mischievously and Harry wonders what on earth is he up to now?  
''What?'' he asks; trying not to throw caution to the wind.  
''Your turn.''  
''My turn at what?''  
''I sang for you, now you sing for me.'' Louis nods his head to the stage and it becomes clear.  
''Oh no, you are not getting me up there.'' Harry protests.  
''Yes, you are because you love me and you'd do anything for me. Now, c'mon, right after that girl finishes her segment, Oh there! She's done. C'mon, you're up!'' Louis says all at once and is now pushing Harry off his seat. Harry stands before he falls on his bum, trying to recover from the first part of what Louis just said and how true it really was. He looks fondly at Louis before he sighs.  
''That was a low move and you know it.'' He says already making his way to the stage.  
''Oh, you love it.'' He says, kicking Harry in the ass that makes him stumble forward. Harry looks at him with a glare but the grin forming on his face was not helping. He wipes invisible dust off his bum and shakes his head as he gets up on the empty stage. He holds the mic stand and looks at Louis, vaguely noticing that Zayn, Liam and Niall have diverted their attention towards him.  
Harry knows he can sing. He used to be in a band called 'White Eskimos' back in his old home town before he moved to Doncaster and he was obviously a great lead singer because they won battle of the bands together. But that was something he never told Louis before and he finds it a bit uneasy that Louis is going to discover like this. Louis looks at him right now with a grin on his face, probably expecting Harry to make a fool of himself, just for him. So, Harry smiles back, knowing that singing his heart out would put Louis in his place and also because he was dying to see how Louis'd react when he realizes the opposite of what he's expecting. The performances tonight are mostly acapella but that's no hindrance. He opens his mouth and sings, a soft smoky voice starting to fill the room…  
_Isn't she lovely?_  
_Isn't she wonderful?_  
 _Isn't she precious?_  
 _Less than one minute old…_

Needless to say, that after his mini-performance, the whole pub is applauding and the three boys at the bar are looking in sheer awe for they did not expect that. However, all Harry wanted to see was Louis' expression. He couldn't keep his eyes open for wanting to get the notes and the emotions right since it's been a while since he properly sang so when he opens his eyes and they land on Louis, he sees a sight that melts his heart.

Louis has one hand covering his mouth and the other on the table holding him up, his eyes were glistening, shining radiantly blue in a way that Harry has never seen before. He shakes his head in wonder at Harry when their eyes meet and exhales through half a smile as he puts his hand down, still shaking his head.  
Harry makes his way to him and eases himself back to his seat, trying to maintain his cool when all he wanted was to hug Louis with all his might.  
''Well?'' he says.  
Louis looks at him with a 'blown away' face, too lost for words.  
''I…'' he starts but stumbles. ''I…didn't know you could sing like that. Why didn't you tell me you could sing like that?''  
''You never asked.'' Harry hedges.  
''Well then I should've.'' Louis says as he sags to the back of his seat and looks at his lap. Harry chuckles beside him, liking this reaction on Louis.  
''You were amazing, Harry.'' Louis says suddenly as he looks back up at him. ''God, that was just bloody fantastic! Amazing, mate!''  
''You're repeating yourself.'' Harry chuckles.  
''No, amazing as in you should join Zayn's band. You'd be brilliant, singing with him up there. God, can you imagine? Zayn!''  
Once again, Harry is thrown by how easily Louis jumps from one thing to another. Said boy is now waving at the three lads at the table who were probably on their way if they weren't waiting for their pint glasses. As they made their way over, Zayn speaks up.  
''You should join the band, Harry.''  
''God, I was just saying that! See, I was right!'' Louis exclaimed, clapping Harry's back.

Next thing he knows, the boys are discussing song arrangements and rehearsal schedules and Harry, being too swept by how fast it was all going, just merely agreed. The boys loved his performance and even though Louis wasn't in the band, his opinions were still agreed to. He was smiling so much and was so enthusiastic about Harry singing on weekends that Harry couldn't help but agree to everything. It's been a while since he'd sung and he felt good up there. Besides, to see Louis smile that much, was worth it a whole lot, he couldn't help but smile back that his cheeks are aching.

At some point, he needs a wee and he excuses himself with a promise to be back 'pronto'. Yup, those are Louis' words. So Harry giggles as he goes to the bathroom. He's too distracted, too happy as he does his business and only notices that he's still smiling when he looks up at the mirror while washing his hands. He shakes his head, trying to look normal when…  
''Hand over your wallet.''  
Suddenly, he was pushed, pressed against the sink that he had to grip the sides to keep from falling over, his hands almost sliding from their wetness against the ceramic bench. He looks up, startled and is jolted by the fact that the hooded figure behind him is standing too close and has just jabbed something sharp at the back of his hipbone and oh, he's demanding his wallet.  
''I'm not going to repeat myself, pretty lad.'' The man growls, gripping Harry's elbow with his free hand while jabbing Harry with the other. He steps even closer and Harry can feel his dick pressed against him and no, that is not a comfortable feeling and he's scared shitless. It hits him then that he's in a hold-up situation. A cold sweat runs down the back of his neck but he nods, even though all he can focus on was that part of his skin in contact with the sharp device pressed against it and the fact that the man behind him just licked his lips, curling his fingers further around Harry's elbow. Harry's not going to play hero so slowly he looks at the hooded man behind him and raises his hands.  
''Okay,'' he says as calmly as he can though his voice trembles. ''It's in the back pocket of my je…''

''Hey Harry! Guess wh…''

Louis barges through the door with an ear-splitting grin in his face. He sees Harry's ashen face, his wide eyes full of fear, his raised hands and the man behind him standing too close. He sees the pocket knife and it takes him three seconds for realization to hit.

But the man sees it too so he pushes Harry hard and throws him to the floor and runs.

Harry falls hard on the ceramic and thinks the man has pushed past Louis as well but when he looks up…

''What the fuck…?!!'' Louis' growl doesn’t continue as he's got the man –who's at least a good few inches taller than him, all bulky and muscled- up against the wall. He watches as Louis goes on pushing and punching, holding one of the man's arms aside- the arm that Harry notices is holding a knife- while he punches and fends with the other. It takes Harry to hear a clatter to realize what's happening, that the knife has now fallen beneath Louis' feet and that Zayn, Liam and a burly man whom Harry recognizes as the bartender, run inside the bathroom. The boys go and pull Louis off the guy and the bartender goes for the crook. Too shocked to move, he watches as Louis shouts curses and his mind is too crowded with all that's happening that all he hears are Louis' words-not the bartender who shouts at Liam to call the police, not Zayn who grips Louis by the waist, almost lifting the boy off his feet because Louis is too feisty and Zayn is trying to keep him calm and not Niall who's suddenly by his side and keeps looking back and forth, not knowing where he's needed. No, he hears Louis' words loud and clear and if only he's all there, he'd see that Louis is not just growling; he's gone ballistic!

''You go near him again, you piece of shit and I'll kill you! I swear, I will fucking murder you, you fucking bastard!!! You don't know who you're messing with!!! Let go of me, Zayn!!! I will fucking kill him!!!''  
''Harry!!!'' Niall shouts and Harry is startled when he realizes that Niall is shouting at him.

He hears a squeak and he suddenly realizes that Louis has gone quiet. A pair of kneecaps hit the floor before he could look back at Louis and another squeak sounds at that when he realizes the sound is coming from him.

''Hazzhead, you okay? Did he hurt you, bud?'' He feels hands touch his cheeks and finds himself looking at nothing but blue and he knows its Louis' blue, all ocean and dark sky and a deeper shade of navy, looking at him with all the concern in the world. He knows someone else is touching him, Niall he thinks, checking to see if he's hurt but he feels like he's outside of his body right now and he doesn't understand why. Is it because he had this eerie feeling that that man was touching him with hidden intentions or the fact that he could've been stabbed right after handing over his wallet? He's not sure which is worse.  
''I think he's in shock.'' Liam says worriedly, peering closely at Harry from where's he's stood next to Zayn behind Louis.  
''No.'' Harry finds his voice but it's weak so he clears his throat and the sound of it, along with Louis' hands on his cheek are what's bringing him back slowly from wherever the fuck he's gone in his head. ''I…I…''  
''Calm down, love.'' Louis interrupts carefully. He rubs his thumbs in circles against Harry's baby cheeks, trying to maintain eye-contact. ''Just take a deep breath, yeah?''  
Harry nods. He can do that so he does, he takes a deep one and he's half-way back.  
Louis can tell too. He sees that Harry's green eyes are coming back to life slowly, regaining its glint back.  
''Another one, c'mon.'' Louis urges. Harry obeys and though it feels like baby steps, his mind doesn't seem to be up for anything but simple right now so he let's Louis baby him and he takes another deep breath just as he was asked then he looks at Louis, though he really hasn't taken his eyes off him.  
''You all there, baby boy?'' Louis asks gently, carding his fingers through his curls before returning to his cheeks.  
''Yeah…huh.'' He chuckles out a breath. ''Never been in a hold-up before, sorry.'' He says after a while.  
''What the hell? You're apologizing?'' Louis scolds and Zayn laughs, obvious relief filling his stance. Harry chuckles and blushes a little, not understanding why either. Louis tuts and shakes his head and he's so relieved to see some colour return to Harry's cheeks but otherwise, he gets his hands under Harry's armpits and pulls him up to his feet. Harry holds the counter for balance but other than that, he manages just fine.

''You sure you okay?'' Liam asks as he stands next to Niall to get a closer look at him. Harry nods then looks at Louis.  
''How about you?'' he says.  
''In case you haven't noticed, I had that guy by the balls and if you,'' he then turns to Zayn dramatically and points an accusatory finger at him. ''Didn't pull me away, I would've cracked his skull open.''  
''Hey, I didn't want you to go to jail…'' Zayn starts but Harry interrupts him as something on Louis' shirt grips his attention.  
''Is that blood?'' he reaches out and touches Louis' stomach. He sees that Louis' shirt has a shred in the middle and there's slight blood smeared in the sheer. Louis looks down as do the others, all eyes on Louis now. Harry thinks he sees something else, something dark between the thin slit of Louis' torn shirt but Louis pulls away too soon.  
''Oh, didn't notice that.'' Louis says as he pushes away Harry's hand and looks down at his shirt.  
''Didn't notice…are you kidding me?!'' Harry shouts at him. ''He cut you and you didn't notice?!''  
''Calm down, mate.'' Louis says casually, like he hadn't just been cut by a knife. ''It's just a scratch, nothing deep. I can barely feel it's even there. Besides, chicks dig scars, don't they?'' he says with a wicked grin.  
''Be serious, Louis.'' Harry complains.  
''I am being serious.'' Louis says, his tone light.  
''Look, if it makes you feel better,'' Liam interrupts before Harry could say a thing. ''Am sure there's a first aid kit somewhere here so why don't you sit with Zayn, wait till the police arrive, give your statement then have a drink to calm your nerves and we'll be out there with you shortly, yeah?''  
''Now that sounds like a great idea.'' Louis agrees.  
''Fine,'' Harry pouts after a moment of debate, finding that Louis getting some first aid kit is a better priority to focus on.  
Louis smiles; relieved, as he makes way for them.

Harry feels like something's wrong though but trudges helplessly as Niall holds him by the shoulders and walks him out of the bathroom following Zayn.  
The police arrive just 5 minutes after and Harry steps out with Zayn and Niall to give their statements. The bartender was kind enough to keep a look out for the hooded-figure, making sure he doesn't escape before presenting him to the police. They don't go to the station as Zayn explains that Harry is in a bit of shock. Harry mentions Louis getting cut as well and Zayn vouches for him, saying it’s all the more reason why they can't go to the station as they don't want to drag Louis all the way there. The cop is kind enough to take their statements as well as that of the bartender right there and there before he hauls off the culprit and leave.

They sit back at their usual place and Niall gets Harry a drink. Harry tries to process the situation, what just happened and with a bit of clarity peeking through after he's drank a little, he realizes that Louis might have just saved his life.  
''You sure you okay?'' Zayn says, pulling him out of his reverie.  
''I think Louis just saved my life.'' He blurts.  
He thinks he's said something stupid, something that might get him mocked at for making a big deal out of a matter that's already over but he sees deep understanding in Zayn's eyes and a shade lighter of it in Niall's and wonders if maybe he's not that far off.  
''Yeah, he did. But he tends to downplay his heroism by so many miles you think it's not so grand.'' Zayn snorts and shakes his head. ''Typical Louis.''  
''I'll drink to that.'' Niall says and takes a swing of his beer.  
''Wow.'' Harry cannot help but say and he doesn't know if it's because of what Zayn just said or because of the reality that things could've gotten ugly if Louis hadn't barged in on him being mugged.

So if he fusses over Louis after he sits back with them, making sure that he's alright, ogles at him all night the way a fan drools over an idol, hugs him so hard when they're hardly outside the bar and whispers his thank you's in more ways than one until Louis is looking at him aglow. He thinks that's okay because Louis just saved his life and he is not going to downplay that.

And Louis is all accepting and not willing to let go of Harry either. He pretty much invites himself to Harry's place that night, turns down Zayn's offer of being driven home and says he'll stay the night so as not to worry the boys though Harry hasn't offered, not giving the slightest care that it's already late and that he lives halfway across town to stay too long. But he stays, chats with Harry's mom when she greets them though he doesn't say anything since Harry doesn't either. He follows Harry to his room and immediately jumps on the bed before Harry has even taken off his shirt. He sits cross-legged with his hands in the pockets of his fur-collared jacket.  
''So, how about we play some FIFA?'' Louis offers.  
Harry chuckles, a bit confused as he closes the door of his room.  
''You know, you are way too calm considering you were ready for murder not too long ago.'' Harry says, glad that his mom is already in her room and has no chance on listening in on them. He sheds his clothes till he's left in his boxers and undershirt before treading over to Louis who shrugs.  
''Well, no one messes with my mates. That goes without saying.'' He says casually.  
And this is what Harry doesn't understand sometimes because Louis could say things like that so effortlessly yet he leaves Harry all tongue-tied and a bit mushy inside.  
''You're amazing, you know that?'' he can't help but say. ''Honestly, I can't thank you enough, I don't even…''  
''Say thank you one more time, love and I swear I'll mug you myself.'' Louis interrupts sternly but other-wise with humour in his eyes.  
''But honestly Lou. What you did, I can't even,'' Harry stutters. ''I can't find the words.''  
It's true because it could've gotten ugly for Louis too, attacking the man like that, barging head on like a bull, unarmed against an armed man.  
But Louis smiles at him softly. Harry can see the shred in his shirt underneath the jacket but the slight skin that was visible amidst the blood was covered in something white, a bandage most probably. It worried Harry at first when he saw it but Liam assured him it was just a scratch and Louis even let him press his palm against it just to show him it was painless and that he wasn't harmed at all. But to Harry, it was more than just a scratch, to him it was a narrow escape and he can't find the words to describe that to Louis, tell him the terror of what he feels could've happened if Louis wasn't quick enough or strong enough to stand his ground.

''You know what scared me though?'' Louis says after a while.  
''What?''  
''You, letting it get to your head.'' Louis says, and it's not light or casual anymore and Harry knows then, knows that Louis saw how that man was standing behind him, how terrible things could've happened instead of an immediate rescue. ''It's like watching someone crying from the inside, you know?''  
But Harry doesn’t know so he doesn’t say anything.  
''It could've been so much worse, Harry. You have no idea how that terrified me, like...'' Louis says and he doesn’t keep himself in check like he normally does when they're being serious. Harry can see a gleam of fear in his eyes and it's unusual for someone whose character is so big and vivacious.  
''I saw that knife and it just got to my head, you know? Sure I wanted to kill him but it was more out of fear of what could've happened that made me want to tear at him so badly.''  
''Like trying to shake a bad feeling off?'' Harry offered.  
''Yeah, but by punching someone's face.'' Louis chuckles. ''I don't know.'' He shakes his head. ''Maybe if you've heard of a science that says one can channel his fears through his fists perhaps that will explain it better.''  
''Well if I do, I'll let you know.'' Harry giggles. Louis just smiles at him the way he smiles at the boys when they laugh at his strange sense of wit. It’s a look that Harry can only associate as akin to fondness for lack of a better description. It makes Harry absolutely sure that Louis is a great person to just sit back and admire what he's like, that to make him smile like that is definitely a bonus point.  
''I'm glad you're okay.'' Louis sighs, out of the blue.  
Harry nods and looks down for a second before looking back up.  
''I'm sorry I froze.''  
''Hey, it was warranted. Could've happened to anyone.'' Louis reasons.  
''I think I know what you mean, though.'' Harry moves on. ''But it's obvious that you're better capable of handling fear than I am.''  
''Why's that?'' Louis asks.  
''Well, I went numb. You were kicking an armed man's ass while I just stood by and watched. He could've hurt you, Louis. He really could've, like that man had a good few inches on you and I did nothing. You were right, I shouldn't have let it get to my head.''  
''Hey, don't blame yourself. I didn't tell you that so you could beat yourself guilty. Besides, Niall is so much worse than you; when he's scared, he cries and becomes utterly useless, or at least, that's what Liam's told me.''  
''Niall crying.'' Harry scrunches his nose. ''Not a good image.''  
''Yeah. It’s the baby look.'' Louis agrees. ''He's a good kid, though.''  
''You make it sound like you're older or something.''  
''Sometimes it feels that way.''  
''He downs pints faster than an alcoholic. You don't even drink.'' Harry deadpans.  
Louis laughs heartily at that and Harry looks at him fondly, always falling a bit more for that bell-like sound.  
''Well, I'm glad I don't drink.'' Louis says after a while. ''Or else, I wouldn't have gone to the bathroom looking for you.''  
''What did you want to say anyways?''  
''Just some songs you might know the lyrics to and sing in the near future.'' Louis grins, making Harry grin as well. To think that so much has happened that night, Harry finds it quite surreal. ''I just couldn’t wait to tell you so I thought I'd stand by the door and tell you till you're done.''  
''Well, I'm glad you couldn't wait.''

And Louis knows it’s a 'thank you' and Harry knows that too but this time, Louis smiles at him and they both know what each is thinking without the need to use words for it.  
''It's kind of hard not to feel protective of you, you know?'' Louis says after a while. ''Like, I always want to keep you safe because I think no one else does it better than I do.''  
''The boys feel the same way about you, you know.'' Harry says.  
''They over-exaggerate, sometimes.'' Louis scratches the back of his head. He knows full well what Harry is talking about and he looks slightly embarrassed about it. Harry just finds it adorable.  
''No, I'm serious. I see it in the way they look at you. It’s quite intimidating to compete with that level of loyalty.''  
''Compete?''  
''Yeah.'' Harry blushes. ''Because I feel the same way about you too. You're quite tiny, you know.''  
''But I'm the star of the football team.'' Louis says proudly which his chest all puffed out and it’s not vanity, big-headed pride but more like a miss-direction, a way to not show that maybe his small size is not something he's quite comfortable with.  
_You’re my star_ , Harry thinks.  
''That you are.'' Harry smiles warmly and wonders if it’s possible for that chamber holding his heart to expand a little bit beyond its encompass for he surely needs some space to add up to it all these feelings akin to adoration, that revolves around everything that is Louis.

They talk some more about nothing and everything and end up in the kitchen making pop-corn. Louis then says he has to go. He was really planning to stay; he just wanted to put Zayn's mind at ease and not let him worry about not being assertive enough to drive him home so he just said that he would. However, its past midnight so Harry forces Louis to sleep over, not even agreeing to let him take a cab home. But they don't sleep. Rather, they stay huddled under Harry's blanket in Harry's bed and watch crap tellie on his flat screen. And Harry feels closer to Louis that night so he keeps his arms around his waist and his head tucked under Louis chin. And Louis is all for a cuddle, keeping his arm around Harry's shoulder and petting his hair sometimes.

And before they know it, its morning and they have to go to school. Or stay in because they realize that it's Friday and it’s the weekend so Harry doesn't bother to leave the bed. But when he does wake up properly, Louis is gone and has left a note on a post-it stuck to his forehead.  
_''Gotta check on the girls. Talk to you later, sweetcheeks. Xoxo''  
_ Harry smiles at the xoxo, because he can almost feel Louis' brotherly kisses on his cheeks and feel Louis' arms around him when they hug so he goes back to sleep, the horrid part of the night before, already forgotten.

Harry sees a different side to Louis throughout that week, a side he believes only appears for him. He's always felt a bit jealous when he'd notice the special ways Louis would treat the boys. Like he treats them equally as a whole but individually special and its one of the things Harry secretly wanted; to be treated just as special. Of course, when they were still new friends, Harry knew it was too soon but now, he has that and it makes him feel just as close as the boys in Louis' heart.

It's not even in major gestures. No, Harry sees it in the little things. When Harry laughs at a certain joke that the others laugh at but don't get, Louis looks at him softly. When Louis scores a goal and he runs around in victory, only to have his eyes land on Harry as if to say, 'that goal was for you', Harry can't help but think he's watching Louis glow. So many instances that sometimes catch Harry off guard and make him love this golden boy more and more. He finds Zayn's words run through his head during moments like that and can't help but feel a bit scared about how fast he's getting swept. Like when Louis would wrap an arm around his waist when they walk out of class or when his hand would find its way around his shoulders during lunch even though he'd be listening intently to one of the other boys or telling a story himself.

However, at the start of a new week, something's wrong and it takes even more of Harry's patience not to say anything of what has suddenly become so obvious. It starts when Zayn enters first period Sunday morning and Harry realizes instantly that Louis is not with him because Harry knows that Zayn and Louis always enter class together every Sunday morning since Zayn usually picks him up on that day. He watches as Zayn tells the teacher something before he takes his seat and as Harry's eyes follow him, he notices the looks on Liam and Niall's face, a bit panicked and at the same time, trying to maintain composure. Zayn doesn't look at them but glances at Harry who was still looking at him even though class has started and said, ''Lou's running a bit late today, told me not to fetch him coz he's got something to do with his sisters. Don't worry about it.''

And Harry is relieved by that and only then turns his attention to class. However, not even ten minutes later, he sees Zayn pull out his phone discretely and texts something under the desk. He tries not to look obvious as he glances back and he's quite sure that whatever Niall and Liam read on their phones was completely Louis related and utterly different from what he'd been told.

Louis doesn't appear until lunch time and Harry doesn't know if he'd attended class at all because on Sunday's, the classes he has with Louis are all after lunch break. Louis is overly giddy and his smiles are forced but he lavishes Harry with undying attention and Harry is so easily swept by his mere presence that he doesn't question any of Louis' reasons.

The next day, Louis enters class looking quite drained and pale. It gets Harry worried but Louis was a minute late and after he apologized to the teacher, he gets seated and since class has already started, there's no time to talk. After class, Harry is so persistent to find out what's wrong that Louis finally mumbles something about a headache so throughout the day, Harry is overly sweet and lovely even though he's worried sick within. During lunch break, Louis is not even seated for five minute before he excuses himself to the bathroom and Harry can't help but keep looking at the door until he comes back and when he does, he doesn't finish his meal, said something about a bad stomach. Harry keeps a hand on his back, as Louis sits hunched on his elbows. He tries to instigate some sort of cheer so that his best friend can laugh and be free of whatever pain he's in. It works for a little while and Harry wishes he could do more.

Throughout the rest of the day though, he'd catch Louis pinch the bridge of his nose too long and Harry can't help but rub his back in comfort and hope that Louis would understand that someone's there for him. During that day's football practice, Louis is not his best but he sticks to the end of it and falls immediately asleep once he's in Harry lap as Liam drives him home. Harry finds it quite physically painful to wake him up and can hardly think of anyone else as he's driven home that he skips dinner and goes straight to bed.

The headaches continue throughout the week and it makes Harry more in tune with not just Louis but everything around Louis, even if it’s the chair he's sitting on or the wall he's standing up against. He notices that the other three boys know the combination to Louis' locker and that sometimes Liam would slip something inside when no one's looking but Harry sees and notices the plastic container of pills that is similar to the one he'd seen inside Louis' rucksack when the boy dives in for his books. When Zayn was driving Harry home one day and Harry looks throughout the glove compartment for this CD that Zayn said he could borrow, he notice a bunch of things that Harry finds quite strange like bandages and a wrist and ankle binders and a little plastic bottle of prescription pills. He doesn't delve too much for fear of Zayn catching him but he sees the look on Zayn's face after he finally pulls out the CD, the look of guilt that is similar to someone getting caught in the headlights. Harry notices all of these and he was literally hanging by a thread as the boys' silence dwells on.

Even Niall, carefree Niall who doesn't show as much as Liam or Zayn, turns out to be just as secretive. On Tuesday after school, when Harry was on his way back from bringing his car home to watch Louis' football practice, he sees Niall opening Louis' locker in the empty hallway. When he sneaks up on him, Niall drops a small bundle of cash on the floor. Before Harry could ask, Niall's on the floor, scrawling for the money and immediately slips it into the locker while looking back and forth before shoving the locker closed. When Harry asks what's that all about, Niall just says he borrowed money from Louis to go on this date with Barbara and was just embarrassed to give it to him in person because he knows Louis will refuse to take the money back. Harry believed him easily because Barbara is quite loaded therefore he understands why Niall needs to go big on impressing her but he doesn't understand why he'd borrow from Louis who doesn't even have a car and not from Liam or Zayn who are obviously well off. He doesn’t say anything because Niall really looks embarrassed so he promises to keep silent and wonders secretly if he's wrong not to ask for some information in return. He turns down the thought, not wanting to take advantage.

Harry gets used to Louis falling asleep in his lap after matches and holds him tightly for the whole ride through with his lips on his hair and his hand, gentle on the boy's back, ready to hug him tighter if he springs awake from a bad dream.

However, his worry only escalates because it's already another Wednesday and Louis' headaches are still steady and getting worse it seems. He'd sometimes catch Louis holding his head during class and barely keeping it up there. Even after popping a pill during lunch break, when they returned to class, he just laid his head on the desk and ignored the class altogether. It was for the umpteenth time that he explains to Harry that he gets them once in a while because of hitting the ball with his head too much. And though Harry silently piles that info in the file he dubbed as 'Louis' in the back of his mind, along with the sleeping after matches, the bad dreams, the not drinking in parties and now the headaches, he is far from convinced. Then on a gloomy Thursday, Louis entered class with a limp. It wasn't the first time for Harry to see it and no one says anything coz it's a totally normal sight with football players. However, he knows Louis too well now (or thinks he does) and the gaze in the other boy's eyes told a different story as well, that this limp is not from football. When he asked Louis about it, all he said was that he tripped back home on some spilt milk in the kitchen so Harry, as much as he'd like to, decided not to push, again.

After a friendly match that night, they were waiting in the parking lot for Louis and Liam to emerge. Louis didn't play but then again it was a friendly match so it wasn't necessary and besides, they won so it was no big deal. Harry knows it's because of his limp and nothing else.  
Liam came out carrying both his bag and Louis' and before Harry could wonder why, Louis ran towards him, his limp all forgotten and jumped at him, hooking his legs around his torso in a tight embrace. Harry caught him easily, surprised at how light Louis was, how tiny he was that he could probably wrap his arms around him twice but he was so high off the game to dwell on it that he even twirled them around. But when he embraced Louis tighter, the other boy winced and when Harry drew back to ask what was wrong, Louis just kisses him giddily on the cheek and jumps down with glee, too happy that they'd won the match. Harry ignored it all but these little instances keep building up and he fears that they might get too pent up in his chest till he explodes from within.

And that's exactly what happens on the following Sunday afternoon.  
On days when Louis has football practice, Harry would drive his car back home then go back to school to do his homework on the stands while Louis does his thing. After that, when practice is over, Liam would drive them home, first to Louis' place then to Harry's. At first, Harry would drive Louis home in his own car (Louis and Niall are the only two in the group who don't have their own vehicles) but then Louis would fall asleep beside him and he didn't like not holding him after getting so used to doing it already. Also, Louis lived on the far side of town so it was a long drive and Harry didn't like spending it without holding his friend to him and it sometimes makes him look more at Louis than the road itself so it has become dangerous for the both of them to have Harry on the wheel. So, he opted for Liam to give them a ride home every once in a while and since Liam lived closer to Harry, it was convenient to drive Louis home first and Harry could enjoy the ride more easily with Louis tucked safely within the folds of his arms. He never thought that Louis was that small but he somehow liked it because it made him feel so capable in his protectiveness and it also made Liam trust him more.

Louis never invites Harry or Liam to his house when they'd wake him up. Harry pondered about that after Liam would pull out of the Tomlinson driveway. He never minded before of course but now that he'd seen the outside of Louis' house, it made his curiosity spike. Louis' house looks small for a family of five kids and a little bit beaten down but nothing out of the ordinary. It was very little compared to Harry's semi-mansion. But Harry doesn't judge and Liam liked him even more after that first time he brought Louis home with Harry tagging along, liking that he made no silly jokes or made fun of Louis' humble abode. But it has gotten Harry to wonder if maybe Louis was ashamed of letting Harry in, seeing that Harry was a decently well-off boy and he wasn't. Harry truly hopes that Louis doesn't think that way so one day, he asks none other than Zayn about it.

The black-haired boy and he were on the stands, watching Liam and Louis (Or he was watching Louis whereas Zayn was watching Perrie doing her own thing with the track and field team).  
He decided to leave his homework for home and enjoy the weather, as it is rarely warm in England for that to happen. He notices that Louis is holding his side a lot while playing and that Liam keeps glancing at him with worry but Louis just shrugs him off. He'd been like that all day with Harry too, changing the subject and shrugging incessantly whenever Harry would catch him holding his side. Harry decided to bring that up with Zayn later and ask him something basic first.  
''Hey Zayn, can I ask you a question?'' he starts.  
''Sure, go ahead.'' Zayn said distractedly, a little fond smile on his lips. Harry could tell he was definitely enjoying the view of Perrie's short shorts and her fine legs on display. Harry couldn't blame him.  
''Have you ever been to Louis' place?''  
''Yeah, many times.''  
''Really?''  
Harry is stunned. He didn't think Zayn would be so outright.  
''Yeah.'' Zayn now turns his attention to him. ''Why are you asking?''  
''Nothing.'' Harry shuts up after that and leaves Zayn be, too hurt for words.

 


	3. Lean on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some parts are credited to ''kiss me'' and ''closer'' by the wonderful significationary. y'all shld read her fics, they're bloody amazing

Of course, Louis notices that something's up with Harry and decides to walk home, thinking that maybe Harry's tired and needs some rest, that he should go home as soon as possible. Liam won't let him of course and neither would Harry. It makes Harry sick to think of Louis walking that long distance all by himself and all alone for that matter. But Louis is insistent until he says,  
''Fine, Harry would walk with me and I'll call him a cab to bring him home later. Sounds okay?''  
Harry then figures out that Louis wants alone time with him, probably figuring out that Harry is not sick or anything and so he agrees and after they wave Liam good bye, who doesn't seem content with the arrangement and demands that Louis gives him a ring as soon as he steps into the house, they finally start the long walk home. They take it slow and at first, nothing is said.

  
''So, how was your day?'' Louis begins, all bright and loud.  
''Alright. You?''  
''Well, it was brilliant until I noticed that you're upset.'' Louis went straight to the point but he was still smiling, waiting for Harry to smile back. Harry did if only to put his friend at ease and so his smile didn't really reach his eyes.  
''Harry, what's wrong?'' Louis said, all soft and warm and just being the 'Louis' that is only meant for Harry to see. Harry can't help but give in the way he knew he would.  
''I just can't help but wonder.'' Harry starts.  
''About what?''  
''About maybe not being good enough for you.''  
''Wait,'' Louis stops walking. ''Why would you think that?''  
''Because,''  
Harry can't look him in the eye. The reason is just so childish.  
''Harry, look at me.''  
He does. He always obeys Louis, no matter what.  
''Because?'' Louis promts.  
''Because Zayn's been to your house.'' He begins. He hopes that if he gets answers to this one, he’ll also get an answer as to why Louis' been holding his side a lot today and why he lad a limp last Thursday and every other thing that he deems Louis owes to tell him.  
''Okay, so he's been to my house.''  
''Have Liam and Niall been to your house too?''  
''Of course, Harry but that was a long time ago. What's your point?''  
''My point is that…wait, a long time ago?''  
Harry feels like he's opened up Pandora's Box, especially when he sees the look on Louis' face, the realization then the guilt of his mishap.  
''Yeah, Harry. A long time ago. So if you're upset because I haven't invited you to my house then trust me, don't be because it's no longer an afforded privilege. Besides, there's nothing interesting about it anyway.'' Louis goes for nonchalant but ends off sounding bitter and starts walking again. Harry follows immediately.  
''I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I won't bring it up again, I swear.''  
''So you've brought it up before then, with Zayn I presume?''  
Louis gives him a deadpan expression and catches Harry guilty.  
''Zayn hasn't said anything, Louis.'' Harry says quickly. ''He's fiercely loyal to you.''  
''He'd better be.'' Louis mutters.  
''But that's the thing. No one is telling me anything and that includes you!'' Harry loses it and it makes both of them stop in their stead. ''God Louis! Am I not as fiercely loyal to you? Do I have to like, show it or prove it or something?''  
Louis is taken aback. His eyes shoot up, wide and surprised. Harry and Louis never fight. Hell they don't even argue. It's his first time seeing Harry angry and raising his voice at him. But he swallows and tries to compose himself  
''It's just none of your business, Harold.'' He says and the fact that he's using Harry's name like that makes Harry feel he's being scolded like a child.  
''None of my business?'' And fuck, that just makes him even angrier. ''You mean it can be Zayn's business and Liam's business and Niall's business but it can't be my business?''  
''You're blowing this completely out of proportion!'' Louis says, his eyes welling up, trying hard to stay calm but failing.  
''The hell I am, Louis! Damn it, you are my business!''  
''For Christ's sake, would you listen to yourself? Geez, it's not even that big a deal so drop it!''  
''If it's not that big of a deal, then why are you hiding it, huh?''  
''Don't use that reverse psychology on me, you dickhead!'' Louis roars even though he's on the verge of tears.  
''And don't be such a fucking coward!!'' Harry yells, his hands flying. He knows he's hurting Louis, he can see it even though Louis still looks perfect while being a prick. But Harry's been left out for far too long and things between him and Louis are no longer on shallow grounds so why it is that he's still out of the loophole? Why can't Louis answer the simple question of not letting Harry into his house when he's at Harry's almost all the time? What's the real reason behind the headaches, limps and the pain to his side? He wants answers, goddammit!

  
And it just so happens that calling Louis a coward at that exact moment is all it took.

  
''I'm a coward?'' Louis starts off, his voice trembling and clear hurt and anger in his eyes. His bag slides off his shoulder but he doesn't seem to notice. ''You actually can stand there and call me a coward?'' he pushes Harry here and though they're now standing in the middle of the road, Harry doesn’t give a fuck. He wants answers.  
''You don’t know anything, you piece of shit!'' Louis seethes. ''You don’t know what I've been through, what I'm going through. You know nothing! You don’t know what that house does to me, what I'd kill to get the hell out of there, away from my step-dad because he can't control his fucking fists and fucking keep them to himself. He hits me, Harry!'' Louis thunders and pushes Harry harder. ''He fucking hits me! And sometimes, he'd like to hurt me differently like, oh, I don't know,'' His tone turns vehemently sarcastic at that, much to Harry's horror but he goes on. ''Use his fucking leather belt or his fucking boots but I take it you little shithead! I fucking take it and that makes me a coward, huh?!!!''  
Harry goes cold and heavy with shock and dread, too horrified at the words. Louis has just admitted to something Harry can only begin to piece together and Louis doesn't stop, even though he's crying his eyes out.  
''You don't know shit!!'' he pushes again and is stuck between pushing and pounding at Harry's chest and Harry is crying before Louis finishes talking. ''You know nothing and you wouldn't want to know coz God, who wants that, huh? Why would you want to know anything like that, you little prick? Answer me, you fucking asshole!!!''  
And Harry can no longer take it. He goes to hug Louis but Louis pushes against his chest.  
''No, answer me!!! Answer me!! You fucking say something!!!'' he cries even harder but Harry doesn't stop trying to get his arms around him until Louis' blows grow weak and Harry finally embraces him tight and doesn't let go. Louis starts to cry harder, in a very broken and un-Louis-like way. His fingers are digging into Harry’s chest painfully, but Harry just pulls him closer again, tucks Louis’ head under his chin and rides out the convulsive shudders that are threatening to shake Louis apart.  
''God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Shit, Lou, I'm sorry.'' Harry says through his tears. He's horrified but then he can only imagine what Louis feels. The boy in his arms is too choked up for words, soaking Harry's shirt but holding unto him tighter and it takes a car coming up the road ten minutes after for Harry to move them to the side of the road and for Louis to calm a bit and leave Harry's embrace.  
But Louis' a mess. He walks away, holding his side again until he sits down on the green beside the road. Harry follows him and sits cautiously next to him. Louis is now crying silent tears, holding his head with one leg up to support his elbow and the other tucked under it. Harry just watches, not knowing what to feel, what to think, what to do. After a while, Louis sniffs and takes a deep shuddery breath before he looks up at Harry.

  
''Happy now?'' he says bitterly. Harry can't help but feel sick.  
''Of course not! What the hell do you think I am?''  
Louis looks away and doesn't say anything and that prompts Harry to speak.  
''God Lou, I swear, I did not mean to push this but can you blame me? I never hide anything from you. I tell you everything you want to know and I'll give you more if you want. Anything you want. You know me better than anybody in the entire school and you know I'd never ever make fun of you, or laugh at something serious you have to say. God, Lou, if I didn't already believe in a God, I'd worship you! I love you and I hate seeing you limp around or have a headache from God knows what and all I can do is nothing about it. What, you think I haven't noticed?'' He says when Louis looks up at him again. ''I notice everything there is to notice about you. You're my friend and I care about you, more than you give me credit for, mate. So can you blame me, for feeling left out?''  
''God Harry, you just don't know.'' Louis says miserably, looking down at his lap. His voice is all raspy from crying. ''You're an angel and I just didn't want to load this on you too. That's all.''  
''You make it sound like you're a burden, Lou. You're not and neither are your problems, okay?''  
Louis then looks him straight in the eye, his eyes all rimmed red and there are wet tear tracks on his cheeks.  
''You're not horrified?'' he asks, his voice small.  
''A little bit. But I can be strong for you.'' Harry adds. ''I can do strong very well in case you were wondering and trust me, I learned from the best.'' He nods at Louis and Louis can't help but chuckle wetly at the complement.  
''God, you're amazing.'' Louis sighs before he looks down at his lap and sniffs. He tightens his hold on his side as he takes a deep shuddery breath before his fingers relax. It sickens Harry to know how badly he's really hurt and the fact that he chose to ignore that for the sake of walking with Harry and see why he's upset. Harry suddenly feels like a monster and can't help but remain quiet for a bit, for fear of spouting something preposterous. He looks back at Louis and watches as he sniffs again and takes more deep breaths, clenching and unclenching his fingers around his side.  
''Can…can I see?'' Harry asks tentatively. Louis freezes for a minute before he looks at Harry, a bit of fear in his eyes.  
''Or not.'' Harry retracts. ''It's okay, if you're not comfortable. I just like, you know, want to, like, make sure you're okay... if that's alright.'' He stammers, not sure he gets it out right.  
Louis nods in understanding but he doesn't do anything for a full minute. Harry sits patiently, giving him his space. Another car passes by. It makes Harry realize that the road leading up to Louis' place is almost like a deserted road, not frequented often.  
''Why do you live so far out of town?'' Harry couldn't help but ask. ''If you don’t mind my asking.''  
Louis smiles sadly but answers nonetheless.  
''My mom wanted a quiet life and she thought maybe living up this road was a good idea especially with the rent price not that high but then we discovered it's because the house has termites and my step-dad had to rebuild the house because he couldn’t afford to find another place just as cheap, let alone one that can house 5 kids.'' He paused. ''My mom certainly enjoyed the renovating process. It was fun.''  
''Sounds like your mom is quite the optimist.'' Harry says. He doesn't want to dwell on the fact that this is the most Louis smoke of his mom, let alone his step-dad whom Harry never heard about. He knows why now.  
''She ran away with some guy she met at her work place almost three years ago now.'' Louis says with a dead tone. ''Calls me every once in a while to check on the girls but other than that, I haven't seen her since.''  
Harry is once again shocked into silence. He didn't think it could get any worse than this. Harry raises his head to see Louis looking at him and for a moment, they're stuck in each other's gaze. But then, Louis turns and sits crossed-legged in front of Harry. He puts his hand under his shirt and inches it up then looks away so as not to see the look on Harry's face.

  
Harry can see why because his boobear's hurt- covered in dark bruises blooming over his ribs, old and fresh scars and swollen red welts, maybe a dozen of them, and a couple of red imprints of a hand clear enough to be painted on. On his side, the side that he'd been clutching all day, were a bundle of bruises that were so much more than Harry ever thought he'd see in a lifetime. They stretched from the bottom of his ribcage to the base of his hipbone, dark and vibrant. Louis' tanned skin is almost black in places, so many colors making an appearance on his flesh; sickly lime, deep rich purples, and a maroon that makes Harry feel nauseated.  
''Jesus Christ!''  
Louis puts his shirt down and Harry doesn't know if it's because it's too much for him to handle or because the sound of an engine of an approaching car hit the air. But Harry is too shocked and his horror escalates significantly.  
''Lou, when? When did this happen? And why on earth did you not skip football practice or hell, why didn't you skip school altogether? You should go to a hospital for God's sake…''  
''Harry, please stop.'' Louis interrupts in earnest, looking at him once before sighing. He pulls his legs together and folds his arms around his knees, looking away for a moment, trying to word his thoughts right before looking Harry straight in the eye.  
''This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you, okay? I get enough of it from the boys so I don't need any more of this shit from you, this whole, 'you should go to the hospital' or 'why don't you report him to the police' and shit like that because its not gonna work and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm tired of always having to explain myself to the people I love and I'm not going to do it again, okay?''  
''I…'' Harry doesn't know what to say. He can see now that Louis has really thought well and hard about telling him, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered with all the reasons why he shouldn't. However, he feels a sinking sensation deep within his ribcage and he cannot shake it off because he realizes just how much Louis has been in this misfortune to the point that he has come to settle for it.  
''Okay.'' He sighs eventually. After all, he's pushed Louis enough for the day.  
''Okay?'' Louis is skeptic. He didn’t think Harry would give up so easily, not after how hard he pushed him to begin with.  
''Yeah, Lou. Like, I want to know, I definitely do, because I want to be sure that you're alright but only if you're comfortable or ready enough to tell me and by tell me, I mean anything at all.'' Harry pauses and lays a reluctant hand on Louis' wrist. ''Whatever happens, you have four friends now who can be there for you and I think the more you have people that genuinely love you, the better you'll feel. I think, that's how I'd like to think of it, because maybe that could help a little.'' Harry offers gently, hating the fact that this boy is hurt yet all he can offer is a little help.  
Louis looks down at Harry's hand on his, swallowing the bile in his throat. No one has ever given him so much warmth before. The boys are lovely, they truly are but they get too over protective sometimes, it crowds his space. Unlike Harry, who's dying to know and has been patient for too long that any normal human being would snap like he did, yet he's still willing to wait some more. He decides to try something; just to be sure that Harry's for real.  
''He threw me against the kitchen counter last night because I didn't get him his beers. That's why my side's a mess.''  
Louis doesn't look at Harry when he says this, keeps his eyes on Harry's hand on his wrist but he does hear the quick intake of breath and takes that as his cue to look up.  
Harry's brow is puckered in a frown, too upset and possibly heart-broken. Louis wants to push on, wants to know how far can he take the truth with Harry.  
''The limp was because he pushed me against the side of the coffee table. He had no reasons; he was just too drunk to notice I was there. I hit my kneecap at a bad angle and it bled instantly. That's how it happened.''  
And Louis is right; Harry is heart-broken, because he doesn't understand how one can do that for such a meager reason, push people around like that and not even notice.  
''And the headaches?'' Harry asks timidly.  
''Hit my head against the bathroom sink because I used his razors to shave. Then he did it again when I didn’t buy him a new set.''  
Harry looks up, his eyes wide and screaming bloody murder. Louis feels like bolting.  
''That is not right.'' Harry says through gritted teeth. ''He has no right to do that.''  
''But he did, now did he? So, what's your fucking point?'' Louis can't help but bite back. Harry's flexes his jaws but other-wise doesn't retort. Instead, his eyes turn soft, a light shade of green.  
''I'm so sorry.'' He says and Louis knows it's not because of what he said but because he's sorry that Louis' hurt. And if that doesn't make Louis' eyes swell, he doesn't know what can.  
''You're too good to me.'' Louis says in a whisper.  
''No, you are.'' Harry replies without preamble, squeezing Louis' wrist to try and make him understand. Harry may be an incredibly lovable guy but he has a huge heart and he can see how this boy just deserves so much more than what he normally gives people equally. True, he may not reach out to anybody with the same extent but how can it not be different with Louis? He knows that Louis is always for real with him, that he's not his friend simply because he fell under Harry's spell or because he wants to roll with him the way popular kids tend to stick together and snub everyone else beneath them. He also knows that Louis doesn't ever bullshit him, that he didn't befriend him for his charm and his charisma that he didn't make friends with him because he's liked by the masses. No, unlike most of the kids at school, Louis doesn't stereotype him. Harry can tell because there aren't that many people in his life who treat him the way he wishes he could be treated, like a normal bloke who just likes what normal-looking people like, same as everyone else. And it's not fair, that the one boy, who can see right through him, thinks it's not allowed to be treated 'good'.  
''Why? Why are you doing this, Harry? It doesn't make sense.'' Louis says, looking at him in desperate for answers. ''You don't want this, okay? You don't want my mess, you won't be able to handle it, hell,'' he chuckles grimly. ''I can barely get by.'' For a second he realizes he just made an embarrassing admission. ''You don't need this.'' He adds quickly, hoping that Harry won't dwell on the slip-up.  
''And that's exactly why, Louis.'' But of course he does. ''You shouldn't have to do this alone and you yourself said it, you can barely take it and I believe you.'' Harry said. He draws himself closer, placing both hands on Louis' arms. ''Boobear, I want this. I want to be there for you, I want to help you. I want to do more than just cheer for you in the stands or share lunch with you. I want to do more than just give you rides home or hold you when you sleep after matches. I want to know your locker's code number. I want to carry your bag after matches. I want to know everything else the other boys know that I don't and I don't care how cheesy this sounds but this is killing me. It kills me to know that an incredibly good person such as yourself is getting hurt by the people who shouldn't hurt you to begin with.''  
Louis looks away, trying hard not to cry again but fails as a tear slips. Harry swipes it with his thumb and keeps his large hand on Louis' face, making him look at him. His thin lips are quivering and his Adam's apple keeps bobbing from trying hard not to break down and weep. Harry just wants to make things easier for him.  
''So, you'll let me in?'' Harry asks. ''I won't push or make you promise me or anything.'' He adds quickly. ''Just, please keep in mind that from now on, you got me too, yeah?''  
Louis nods as he looks down and sniffs, unable to form words with his throat all choked up. They sit in silence for a while as Louis regains composure. Harry just pulls back and watches him, ever so patient even now, when he knows a huge part of the truth.  
''I have to go.'' Louis says calmly.  
''I know.'' Harry says sadly and it sickens him to know what Louis is going home to. Louis looks at him and he seems reluctant. Its like he's about to explore new waters and wonders if he should go for it, like really go for it. He takes a leap of faith.  
''Help me up?'' he asks, his cheeks blushing a little.  
Harry smiles. He stands up first then gets his hands under Louis' armpits and pulls him up. Louis winces a bit.  
''Sorry.'' Harry is quick to say.  
''Not your fault.'' Louis says. Harry just looks at him like he's being split in two, because he now knows whose fault it is and he still can do nothing about it. He settles for picking up both their bags in one hand and keeps his other placed on the small of Louis' back.

  
''I'll catch us a cab, okay?'' he says. ''And I'm paying for it and no, you have no say in the matter.''  
''But…'' Louis begins.  
''It's settled, Louis.'' Harry interrupts sternly. Louis falls silent as they walk back to the sidewalk and luckily a cab arrives 5 minutes later. They ride in silence at first before Harry catches Louis check the time on his cell phone.  
''Are you late?'' Harry asks, something strong gripping his chest. He doesn't know yet what late could mean in the Tomlinson household, especially for Louis.  
''Yes, but don't worry about it.'' Louis says casually but he's looking out the window so Harry doesn't if he's lying or not.  
''No, tell me the truth.'' Harry dares.  
Louis looks back at him and holds his hand between them.  
''For what it's worth, I fine it quite comforting that you know now even if something does happen, yeah?''  
''What if I come in with you and explain that I got you home late?'' Harry says desperately.  
''You don't have your car, mate. He'll see that you're covering up for me.''  
''Damn it.'' Harry is about to cry. This isn't happening.  
''Look, it's not your problem.'' Louis says and Harry feels insulted even though he knows that Louis is right. ''And at least, I get to have you cuddle me tomorrow, yeah?''  
And Harry knows now, he knows this is more than just making it up to him for looking helpless in front of Louis. He sees it in Louis' face that he's going to need the comfort and Harry is more than willing.  
''Of course, as much as you want. I swear.'' Harry says fiercely. Louis smiles and he looks tired and drained but somehow comforted, the way he'd said it earlier.  
They don't say much after that and when they arrive, Harry gets out with him, telling the driver to wait. Louis doesn't give him a chance to say anything as he takes his bag from Harry, hugs him in a death grip then scurries to his front door. Harry watches for a minute, fighting insanely with the urge to barge into the house and demand Louis' step father to leave him alone. But the cab driver honks and all thoughts of heroism die down as he gets into the cab and worries his bottom lip all the way home.

That night Harry cannot sleep. He keeps his eyes on the ceiling of his bedroom like it’s the most interesting thing. He twirls a strand of his curly hair lazily yet his mind is like a rapid stream of waves hitting the shores. He tries to gather all the bits he knows now, tries to draw a vivid image of what he's up against.  
Louis' step father beats the shit out of him. Louis forgot to buy him beers so that makes him an alcoholic with possible anger management problems. Bits like this are all he's gathered but it doesn’t put his mind at ease because there's so much more he wants to know. He wants to know if Louis' sisters are alright, if they are being treated the same way. That alone sickens him and it drives him crazy wondering which is worse, if the beating is divided among all the kids or just Louis? He thinks horrible thoughts of Louis' mom, wondering how she dare leave her children behind. He wonders and ponders and doesn't notice that his phone's been ringing for the past 5 minutes until his eyes catch it falling off his desk from its vibrations. Harry sighs as he goes to pick it up and when he looks at the screen, he noticed one missed-call from Louis and a text message from him as well. He's about to dial when another text appears. He opens it first.  
_And I'm okay, in case you were wondering._  
Harry's heart explodes and he doesn't know how such simple words could do that. He sits up now and checks the previous message.  
_Hope you arrived home safely._  
Harry shakes his head, annoyed yet warm at heart. Even now, Louis checks up on him first before assuring Harry of his own safety and Harry finds himself more determined in the path he's set himself on because aside from Louis' parent – he wonders if he can even call them that- not even Louis takes care of himself and someone should and it might as well be Harry, right?  
Harry texts.  
I was wonderin. Wish I cld know 4 sure though :c

  
He receives a text instantly.  
_Don't u trust me?_

  
Of course I do. You know what I mean. I'm just worried.

  
_I'm sorry, I dnt mean 2 worry u._  
No sorry's, I still want u 2 tell me. I can handle tough :D

  
_I'm nt sure u can. Don't want u 2 b horrified again._

  
Try me

  
_Haha_

  
Don't laugh. I mean it.

  
_Am ok._

  
But…?

  
Harry has to wait 5 minutes before he receives a reply and doesn't know he was holding his breath until he opens the next text:  
_Got a small new addition to my skin collection._

  
''Shit.''

  
Harry instantly dials Louis' number because if he doesn't hear his voice right that second, he's sure he's going to die.  
Louis doesn't pick up until the third ring and Harry was already ready to bolt and go to his house if he has to, reaching out for his jacket when Louis answers.  
''Told you, you couldn't handle it.''  
''Goddammit Lou, why? Why is he doing this?'' Harry can't help but blurt out helplessly as he throws his jacket in frustration and retrieves his hand, settling for holding his head up against the side of his study desk.  
''Isn't it obvious?'' Louis snorts. ''I was late.''  
''That's no reason for him to hit you, you hear me?!'' Harry nearly shouts.  
''Look, he's a control freak with anger issues, always has been. It's just worse now that he started drinking when mom took off.''  
''That doesn't give him the right to take it out on you.''  
''Still, there's nothing I can do about it, love. He's pissed that she left him for that other guy so, he takes his anger out on me.''  
''You?'' Harry says, a sinking realization hitting deep. ''Just you?'' he adds.  
Louis is silent for a second before he sighs.  
''I'm not his. The girls are so he wouldn’t touch them but, you know.'' He says and Harry can imagine him shrugging.  
''No, I don't know.'' Harry says. ''Does he touch them too or not?''  
''It's complicated.'' Louis wavers.  
''I'm all ears, mate.'' Harry insists. Louis sighs and Harry just waits it out. He knows he's being pushy again but he doesn't care.  
''He…'' Louis begins. ''Harry, I really can't talk about this, okay? I need time.''  
Harry sighs. It's too soon for Louis, he guesses, so he understands.  
''Fine but what about your dad? Can't he help?''  
''He died when I was two. Car crash. ''  
''God!'' Harry is on the verge of tears again, like has God abandoned this boy or something? What gives?  
''Hey, I don't really remember him that much, like at all. Nothing to be sad about.'' Louis says and he means it.  
''Yeah but…''  
''I know.''  
Harry looks out his window and wonders what he could possibly say to comfort the boy on the other line so he decides to keep talking until the right words hit him.  
''Where did he hurt you?'' he asks.  
''Harry…''  
''Please tell me or else I won't cuddle you tomorrow.'' Harry threatens weakly coz he knows he's not going to not want to cuddle Louis, regardless of anything else.  
''You wouldn't dare.'' Louis challenges.  
''Don't be playful with me. I'm being serious here.''  
''I…'' Louis pauses. ''It's not major, Harry. I'm fine.''  
''Louis, I swear I will drive to your house right this minute if you…''  
''It was just a slap, okay?'' Louis interrupts urgently. ''Jesus, loosen up. You'll get me killed if you show up here.''  
Harry is about to lose it, too afraid to dwell on the fact that Louis' step-father can go as far as killing his friend. He wishes he could let Louis know the effect his words have on him, how making them sound casual doesn't really do much to lessen the blow.  
''God Louis, I wish I could be there right now.'' Harry can't help but say.  
''I know but please promise me you won't ever try to sneak or break into my house for me, okay? I don't want that, please.'' Louis pleads urgently.  
''Okay, I promise but if you ask me to, I can break that promise, yeah?''  
Harry knows he's going over-board or maybe not because he needs to keep an open-window on worse case scenarios and Louis not cooperating is not helping.  
''Fine.'' Louis settles. ''Only when I ask, though.''  
''Then you have my word.'' Harry promises.  
They don't say anything for a second and to Harry, that's not even a waste. He gets to hear Louis breathing down the phone and that's okay because it's better than nothing.  
''I have to go, love.'' Louis then says.  
''Okay, but call me anytime, yeah? At any hour, Lou. I promise I'll pick up.''  
''Don't make promise you can't keep.''  
''I never do.''  
Harry can feel the smile on Louis' lips and it makes him smile too even though he just told Louis that he only makes promises that he keeps and such a grand statement could cost him. However, a smile from Louis is all he wants at that point, to leave Louis somehow happy when he hangs up.  
''Okay, then. See you tomorrow, cupcake.''  
''Cupcake? That's new.''  
''You like it?''  
''I love everything about it.'' He says proudly.  
''Of course you do, kitten.''  
''Another one?''  
''Feeling a bit generous.'' Louis says smugly.  
''It's called creative.''  
''I know, right?''  
''Shut it you!''  
''Hahahaha.'' And isn't it lovely to hear Louis' laughter, all genuine and happy? Harry feels accomplished.  
''Can't wait to see you, sunshine.'' Harry says, musingly.  
''I…'' Louis is taken aback and when Harry reads over his words he realizes why. But the nickname just kind of slipped off his tongue without him noticing.  
''You're not going to win if you're trying to compete with me, you know.'' Louis says, and from the slight tremble in his voice, it's obvious that he's not quite recovered. Harry suspects it's because Louis doesn't get that kind endearment anymore, not since his mom left he presumes.  
''Wasn't trying to compete, Lou. You just light up my world like nobody else, no cliché intended.''  
''That sounds like the beginning of a chorus to a teen-crazed love song.''  
''Like 'baby' in Justin Beiber's song?''  
''Well that's different; its only one word on repeat.''  
''True.''  
''I really have to go, love.'' Louis says with finality and he sounds sad about it, making Harry sad too.  
''Okay.'' Harry says with a surrender that's quite similar to the tone of Louis' voice down the line.  
''See you, sweetcheeks.''  
Harry smiles despite himself because Louis won't hang up without making sure there's a smile on Harry's face and by all means, even if Louis can't see it, he most definitely succeeded.  
''See you, lovely.'' Harry says because he now feels like he needs to top himself.  
''Bye, love.'' Louis says with a chuckle.  
''Bye, Lou.''

Right after, Harry texts Zayn and says he's going to pick Louis up the next day. Zayn texts back with a casual 'ok' and though Harry finds that settled, that he's going to be seeing Louis sooner than first class, he still cannot bring himself to sleep. He has so many questions to ask and tries to categorize them in a way that they don't sound pushy when he asks Louis, but all he can see is him interrogating Louis and being pushed away.  
In the end, he only gets four hours of sleep and wishes he could sleep more, but he pulls himself up, gets dressed, tells his mom that he's going to school early and takes the car towards Louis' house.

  
On the way, a run-down Honda passes the other way and it wouldn't have meant anything if the man driving wasn't drinking from what seemed like a bottle of bourbon, keeping only one hand on the wheel. Harry almost pulls the brakes, wondering if that could be Louis' step-father, but decides that it wasn't going to help anything. After all, he might just end up punching the guy or causing a car accident and he wasn't in the mood to get into jail for assault or have a hospital bed with his name on it.

  
He parks a few meters away from Louis' house and a minute later, he sees the boy leave the front door with four girls, his sisters he presumes. He steps out of his car then and walks over and Louis sees him even before he's close enough.  
Harry is smiling at him and not just as a greeting but because Louis looks like a heart-breaker in a very fond way. He has two girls with him, holding one little hand in each and two others lagging behind. Louis is wearing a 'Boy London' baggy hoody and one of his rucksack handles keep falling off his shoulders and he keeps shrugging to bring it back up but then huffs and just settles for leaving it there. The sleeves of his hoody are long and Louis has them folded so they're showing his wrists but it looks quite adorable. They meet halfway, with the girls eyeing him with curiosity.

  
''What brings you all the way here?'' Louis says and settles for leaning forward as Harry gives him a one-way hug.  
''Texted Zayn last night, thought I'd drive you today.'' Harry says casually but the beam he sees on Louis' face makes it all the more harder to make it look like it was no big deal.  
''Alright, but could you give me a second? Need to get the girls their ride.'' He says, pointing to them.  
''Hi.'' Harry waves at one of the twins. She backs way behind Louis' leg.  
''Hey Daisy, don't be scared.'' Louis says gently. ''Here, let me introduce you.'' He says to Harry. ''This is Lottie, short for Charlotte,'' he points to the tallest and obviously oldest of the girls. ''This is Fizz, short for Felicity.'' He points to the girl next to Lottie. ''And these two are Daisy and Phoebe.'' He points from left to right. ''Girls, this is Harry.'' Harry says hi to each and they all wave back warily and smile.  
''Nice to meet you all.'' Harry says politely.  
''Well, now that that's settled, I really have to get them going. Wait here, yeah?'' Louis says as he backs away.  
''Sure,''

  
Harry watches, a bit confused as Louis goes to the neighboring house, opposite that of Louis'. He knocks on the front door, waits a few seconds, then a skinny girl, probably their age opens the door. She greets Louis, coos at the girls, they exchange small talk, and then Louis follows the girl to her car. She opens the backdoor and Louis hugs each of his sisters before they all jump in. He gives the skinny girl something, she blushes a little, smiles politely then takes the wheel and off she goes, giving a formal nod to Harry as she wheezes by.  
Louis then huffs a sigh and approaches Harry.

  
''They all go to the same all girls' school.'' Louis explains. ''It's out of my way but I used to walk them coz like I don't have a car but it's not fair to the girls to get there all tired and so I thought I'd pay her to drive them and…''  
''It's okay, Lou. I get it.'' Harry chuckles yet he finds it a bit sad that Louis needs Harry to understand this particular situation.  
''Really? Coz I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage, I'm not.'' He adds like he needs it confirmed.  
''Why would I think that?''  
''I don’t know.'' Louis says, a bit embarrassed. ''Like, you and the boys give me rides all the time, and I appreciate it, I really do but I promise, once I finish saving up, I'll get my own car. I promise.''  
''Hmm.'' Harry hums. ''Can I just say something?''  
''Sure.''

  
Harry pulls Louis to him and wraps his burly arms around him in a hug. It takes Louis a second to return it when Harry doesn't pull away immediately.  
''I love you, and I do not think you're taking advantage, of me or the boys or neighbor girl or anyone else.'' Harry says before he pulls back and looks at Louis. ''I think you just care a lot about your sisters and would go out of your way for them, just as much as you'd do for me or the boys, yeah?''  
''Y...Yeah,'' Louis stutters, too taken aback.  
''Now, I know I promised cuddles and you shall receive more cuddles as promised.'' He says grandly. ''But I'll be driving so can it wait till after school or when we get some private time?''  
Louis is beaming before Harry's even finished talking. He goes to hug Harry, standing on tiptoes as he gets his arms around his neck.  
''Yes, cuddles, yes.'' Louis says and Harry laughs as he pulls him back to see the goofy smile on his face.  
''Well, now that we have that settled, I think we'd better get going or else Zayn would kick my ass for getting you late to school.''  
Louis laughs, finding it absurd, saying that Zayn's a wisp compared to Harry and that Harry would protect him. Harry laughs and knows the joke runs deeper than that now, but they both choose not to delve into it. They banter around as they take their seats in the car and Harry turns on the ignition.  
It’s a quiet ride at first and it’s a gloomy morning, as it always is in England.  
''Her name's Eleanor.'' Louis says out of the blue.  
''Sorry?''  
''Neighbor girl.''  
''Oh.'' Harry keeps his eyes on the road but he feels confused. This wasn't something necessary for him to know but it sounded important to Louis. ''That's good to know, I guess.''  
''Yeah, she's really helpful.''  
Harry narrows his eyes at Louis for a second, trying to figure out what's on the boy's mind. But Louis is all relaxed, leaning his head against the window.  
Its then that Harry notices. At the far side of Louis' lower lip, there's a small crest-shaped scab and just underneath it, he sees a bit of blue swell. At first glance, anyone would think it's just a vein, hidden in the bent of Louis' jaw line as his jaws are real tight and his cheeks are hollow, but Harry knows it’s a bruise from the slap.  
Harry returns his eyes on the road and flexes his jaws.  
''Do you like her?'' he asks, trying to divert his train of thoughts.  
''Yeah but, you know. It wouldn’t be fair. I don’t have enough to give, not enough time…'' Louis sighs.  
''Because of football or your step-dad?'' Harry ventures, his control slipping. He's just pissed all of a sudden. Louis' face falls as he flexes his jaws then winces. Harry catches it with a glance. Louis looks at him sternly before looking out the window.  
''That was a low move, even for you.''  
''He slapped you for being late. That's worse.''  
''I don't want to get into this, Harry.''  
Harry's anger escalates. Without thinking, he swerves the car and parks at the side of the road, the brakes making a screeching sound.  
''Are you fucking…''  
''He hurts you, Louis!'' Harry thunders as he slips off the safely belt and faces Louis head on. ''And that doesn't give me the right to be mad?''  
''Who asked you to be part of this in the first place?'' Louis retorts, facing him as well.  
''That's not the point just how do you expect me to look at you and not want to kill him, huh?''  
''Then don't look!'' Louis says bitingly.  
''That is not the point!''  
''Then what the hell is?''  
Harry groans, exasperated as he throws his hands in the air, frustrated.  
''Louis, you just…'' Harry shakes his head as he looks away. He takes a deep breath to calm his thoughts and hates the fact that of all people to shout at, it had to be his best friend. He looks at Louis and sees a pair of blue eyes full of concern and worry and just like that he softens. He knows he shouldn't take it out on Louis, who is actually the victim in this whole ordeal so he reaches out and holds his hand, looking down.  
''I'm sorry.'' He says. ''I'm just mad at him and I just felt really angry and I know,'' he starts to ramble. ''I know I said I'll be here for you and stuff but that doesn't mean I won't get mad at him and I promise I won't take it out on you again but you have to allow me to be pissed at him, okay?''  
Louis looks down at his lap, nodding, his eyes on the rim of sadness. It gives Harry a better angle of his bruise and reluctantly, Harry lets go of Louis' hand and reaches for his face. Louis looks up as Harry cups his cheek gently before brushing his thumb by the side of his lip. Louis' eyes tighten a bit before loosening up.  
''How did he do it?'' Harry asks, not taking his eyes off the bruise.  
''With the back of his hand, the one with the wedding ring. Don't know why he still wears it.'' Louis says bitterly but it's like Harry's in another world. ''Does it look that bad?''  
''It’s a bit bruised.''  
''Yeah well, I think the metal struck at the jaw a bit. No big deal.''  
''Don't say that.'' Harry says sternly. ''Because it's not okay for him to hurt you.''  
''I also told you there is nothing you can do about it. Look,'' He says as Harry shakes his head and crosses his arms. ''I've thought this through, okay? If I go to the police, they'll put him in jail, sure but I am not yet eighteen so it means I'll go to foster care and they'll separate me from my sisters who will go to foster care as well.''  
''No, they'll call your mom and she'll come back then.''  
''No, they'll find her incompetent for not being around for three years.'' Louis says logically. ''Besides, if they ask me how to contact her, I wouldn't know. Mom never calls from the same number because she and her new boy toy like to travel a lot.'' He says with scorn.  
''But she calls you.''  
''And what, am I supposed to wait till then? Even if I do, I've read all about it, Harry. Kids in foster care get easily lost in the system and I'm not going to take the risk of never seeing my girls again, okay?''  
Harry understands now. For all his words, he surely has no idea how to help Louis except to call the police but he sure didn't give much thought to the aftermath. He can see now that separating Louis from his sisters, his 'girls' as he so over-protectively and adorably put it is like another punishment and he finds that unbearable. As much as he doesn't like to admit it, for not knowing anything else, he knows at least that Louis has a point, that a phone call to the law enforcers is not just that easy.  
''I understand.'' He sighs as his hands fall to his lap. He realizes that he's understood quite a lot when it comes to Louis.  
''Sorry for making it sound so bleak.'' Louis apologizes.  
''It's not your fault but you'll be helping us both if you talk more often, let me in like you did just now.'' Harry offers with an encouraging smile.  
''Who says it's helping me?'' Louis mutters.  
''Um, well, I thought,'' Harry stutters but Louis laughs.  
''I was just joking mate.'' Louis says as he pats his thigh.  
''So, it does help? You, telling me?'' Harry needs to be sure.  
''Well it's only because you're too pushy.'' Louis admonishes.  
''Louis, I'm being serious here!''  
''Fine, fine. It does help.'' Louis surrenders and it's not the way Harry wanted him to say it but Louis is not done. ''You're…'' Louis pauses. ''You're kind of different, in a good way.''  
''A good way?''  
''Yeah, you, seem to make me want to admit to things, or not make me but want to, like, admit to things but yeah, always in a good way. Its less suffocating with you, protective but less, like, I mean, you give me more room, more air to breath and like, be open and stuff.''  
And though it’s a hodgepodge of words but coming from Louis it's everything and if Harry is looking at Louis with stars in his eyes and Louis is looking at him in a shade similar way, they don't mention it.  
''Yeah, well. That's me.'' Harry says cheekily, though he blushes a bit.  
''Now can we get going?'' Louis says as he gestures to the road. So, with a smile, Harry starts the car and off they wheeze to school, catching their first class right at the nick of time, dodging the teacher at the last second as they pass the door before him.  
''Nice, really nice.'' The teacher says sarcastically as he enters. Harry and Louis just laugh and take their usual seats. The other three boys are there and they don't say anything, even if they do notice a change.


	4. Love me for a reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was partly inspired by "dont let me go" and "kis me" by the wonderful "significationary". I love her fics so do check them out. Enjoy!

Louis wonders if Harry's eyes change color and not the way Bella thought of Edward's eyes down the hall in 'Twilight' but in a way that it shows a timeline of how the scale of their friendship has reached the latest point of their lives. It just seems that at first, when Louis would catch Harry's eyes from across the lunch hall or down the corridors, he'd see a dimpled-smile accompanied by clusters of stars in his eyes. And then, when they started to really hit it off, Harry would give him this look and Louis can only describe it as 'Disney eyes' for lack of a better expression or maybe because he watches cartoons a lot for the girls' sake. He doesn't know.

Louis doesn't understand why Harry looks at him that way because he doesn't know or maybe cannot believe that Harry is that besotted by him or that even though Harry's the no.1 charmer in the school, that he, the charmer, is in fact, charmed by Louis.  
As they get closer, Harry shows him more different looks, it's almost like there's a look for every move that Louis makes. When he's making a fool of himself or the ringing of his laughter is too loud or his boom-box for a voice is hitting a new scale, Harry would give him this 'proud' look, like he's proud to be Louis' friend, proud to be in his orbit. Or when they'd be talking seriously, just the two of them about whatever is on their minds, Harry would give him this 'almost love-struck' look like Louis' the only person in the universe at that point in time. Or lately, when Louis would be upset or crying or laying his heart out there in the cold, he'd see 'warmth' in those green orbs like he's some precious thing.

Louis couldn’t focus on their reading period after he and Harry sat down in class as all these thoughts hit him one after the other and it wasn't helping that Harry's fingers were scraping his back even though the boy was focused on his reading and doesn't seem aware of what his fingers were doing. Louis notices that Zayn is looking at him and so are the other three. So he sighs and pulls out his phone under the desk, signs into their private chat box. He feels like a girl but he might as well get this over with.

Lo: So I told Harry about my step-dad.

Li: U what!!!!?

Ni: Since when?

Z: Finally. That boy was dying 2 know.

Lo: ur fault, zayney, u peaked his curiosity

Z: big words tommo. Besides, u look glad that u told him.

Lo: Stil ur fault.

Ni: what made u spill?

Li: did he force u? Blackmail u?

Lo: No!!!

Li: thn I dnt understand. u nvr came strate out & told us. We had 2 find out.

Louis pauses. Liam's right. He could've been more aggressive with Harry and not ever tell him on that fateful day, even though he knows he'll feel deadly sick for making Harry sad. However, he discretely looks back and sees hurt in Liam's eyes before turning back to the screen on his phone.

Lo: He forced me, ok? That day we walked home, he just kept pushin.

Li: So he did blackmail u!!

Lo: No, it wasn't like that. Zayn's right.

Z: I am?

Lo: Yeah u big twat. What did u tell him anyway?

Z: Nothin bt remember wen u & Li left d party after that game?

Li: Yeah

Lo: ok?

Z: well he was worried sick. I cld tell. I just had 2 give him smth. He looked like he was losin it, u know?

Lo: Well, that's why I told him. He lost it.

Ni: What, took his anger out on u?

Lo: Sort of.

Li: Meaning?

Lo: called me a coward.

Li: That's it. He is not our friend anymore. He has no right 2 do that!

Louis is losing his nerves. He's not trying to bad-mouth Harry but he's just so used to telling the boys everything that what Harry said came spilling out of his guts. But now it just looks like he's stabbing Harry. He decides to make an ultimatum.

Lo: Listen, he had d right 2 know and he had d rite 2 get mad, ok? God knows i've been dodging this 4 too long & I know 4 a fact that u've been goin out of ur way 2 keep him out d loop hole so its better he knows from me than finding out like u did. It still stings the way u got dragged into this, ok?

A minute passes from his rant and he waits, his eyes on the screen.

Lo: U guys stil ther?

Ni: yeah, we're here Lou.

Lo: And?

Li: I'm sry, Lou. Ur right. I guess it wil make things easier now that he knows. Less hiding.

Ni: & I like him. I think he's a good friend.

Lo: U like everybody Ni :D

Ni: That’s not a bad thing!

Lo: Nvr said it was :D

Z: I like him 2. I think he's good 2 u, Lou.

Lou: I dnt know. I think he likes me too much.

Li: What makes u say that?

Lou: cant explain, he looks at me like I'm d brother he nvr had or smth

Z: bro, u give him d exact same look. Ur like an old married couple

Lo: What? I do not!

Li: u do, we just didn’t want 2 say anything :p

Lo: I cannot believe u :c

Ni: its true. U give him Disney eyes :D

And if Louis is not struck by fear at that apt description, he doesn't know what anymore.

Ni: stil, its all good rite? Worked out 4 d best?

Lo: Yeah, I guess so. Just dnt go spillin things 2 him, ok?

Li: of course, Lou. Anything u say.

Z: more secrets?

Lo: yes pls zayny, 4 me.

Z: fine, 4 u. only 4 u.

Lo: thnx bro. Ni?

Ni: u got it Lou.

Lo: And Just dnt go talking 2 him about me liking him either. It will ruin my reputation.

Ni: what, that u do favoritism among ur peeps?

He knows Niall is joking but he truly hopes they don't feel that way. Harry may or may not be special to him but he can't let his friends feel like they're not worth something too.

Lo: U will always b my fav. Leprechaun Ni xoxoxo

Ni: yay

Z: hey, what bout me :c

Li: u guys r children

Lo: says the guy textin during class

Louis hears snickers behind him and sees the teacher looking over at them from above the rim of his glasses. He clears his throat and turns a page on his long-forgotten book.

Li: get back 2 reading. We'll get caught.

Lo: fine but we're all good, yeah?

Li: all good mate. No worries. U glad Harry knows, yeah?

Louis sighs. Class is almost over and he hasn't read anything but three pages. He thinks back to his thoughts about Harry, and his fingers that are no longer on his back yet warm where he'd touched. He thinks about Niall's innate description and what Zayn said about Harry being worried sick over him. It makes him feel so mushy inside as he smiles at the screen.

Lo: Very glad.

Li: then all is good then.

Z: yeah, no worries here mate. We love u.

Ni: we love u Looooooooooou

Lo: hahahahaha. Xoxoxoxo

He then signs out and goes back to his book, a goofy smile on his face.

That week is a bundle of concessions and confessions, opening up and reservations, a push and pull but a whole new level of trust. Harry always thought that Louis was a lot of things, good and bad but now it’s a completely new revelation. He sees a survivor in Louis, a fighter, a sweet-heart, a goof-ball and a fiercely loyal friend. He sees that Louis is like one of those inspirational people, with streaks to maintain, who scorch the ground with their intensity and it makes him want to jog after him always, trailing in the ever waking moment of his presence like Louis needed him just as comets need tails (quote from Looking for Alaska by J.G.).

He's always seen all that, Harry thinks, but it's like it all got doubled, like Louis is serving him an extra dose of all that he is without even trying; it makes Harry feel like he needs to make up for something. He feels so much less in his loyalty, so much smaller in comparison to Louis' 1000 watt smile and warm cuddles and ocean saucers that he doesn't know what to do with himself sometimes. So, he tries to do better, works hard on keeping all his promises, even on those that he didn't make to Louis yet but vows to himself to keep.  
The boys notice but don't say anything. They just sit back and watch, fond smiles as they shake their heads, teasing as they laugh but sigh happily at the two friends who have become more like brothers now, except that they cuddle a lot and take up too much of their personal space sometimes and never ever fight.

Louis has never looked happier but then, there are always those days where he's just too good at hiding things, days when the world is heavy on his shoulders, days where Harry knows he's not alright, but knows that Louis would rather pretend it never happened because admitting it makes it real. Harry fears that it will one day tear Louis apart if he keeps locking up his emotions in vaults.  
So, on one rainy day, Harry is walking down the hallway with Niall and Liam when he sees Louis right across the hall. He waves and calls his name but Louis doesn't hear and continues on, passing the lunch hall door and heading for the stairs.  
''Where's Louis going?'' Harry asks, his eyes on the stairs as they make their way towards it. Liam and Niall weren't paying attention at first so Harry repeats his question.  
''I just saw Louis go up the stairs. Is he not going to have lunch with us?'' Harry by now knows that Louis doesn't ever bring food from the house and it almost makes him lose his appetite just thinking about the reason.  
Liam sighs as he looks up the stairs. The hallway is almost empty now and the windows are showing streams of rain as it zigzags against the glass.  
''Don't worry about it, mate.'' Liam says eventually. ''He usually goes up the roof for some 'alone time'. Helps him think, he says.''  
''Think about, like, his situation?'' and Harry hates himself for using those words to describe it but Niall and Liam are all understanding.  
''Yeah, he gets a lot of 'bad days' as you should know by now.'' Niall looks around to check that the hallways are empty before he continues. ''And it's not like he's upset with us or you anything, it's just, like…'' Niall seems at a loss for words, finding hand gestures insufficient so Liam jumps in.  
''He gets sad a lot.'' Liam says. ''And even though we've told him numerous times that he's allowed to feel anything he wants to feel and come to us for a talk, Louis just doesn't like to show that side of him, doesn't want to upset anyone or have anyone fuss over him for it. Besides, it seems to help, like, when his mood swing is over, he's back to the way he wants to be, do you understand?''  
Harry nods but frowns because this just confirms how Louis is still adamant, even after all their bonding and late night talks, that there's still so much of him he's keeping to himself and all under the notion that no one should want to care about his mess.  
''Well, does he at least eat when he goes up there?'' Harry asks.  
''You could go bring him some food if you'd like.'' Liam suggests and the way he says it, its like he's always testing Harry but Harry doesn't mind because he always wants to prove that for Louis he'll always cross that line, that boundary that Liam doesn't trust him to step over. ''Niall usually does that on days like these.''  
''Yeah, here.'' Niall pulls unzips his rucksack and hands Harry a Tupperware. ''Just knock on the door and leave it. He'll thank you later.''  
''Thanks.'' Harry smiles and doesn't wait for another minute as he makes for the stairs at double time. Liam and Niall just shrug sadly at each other and head down the lunch hall, ever so glad that at least Harry is a part of their group now.  
Harry reaches the rooftop door but he doesn't leave. He thinks that maybe he has a shot at this, a chance of being there for Louis at a different level, a better way.

He knocks at the door before he enters. He squints at the rain and it takes him a second before he spots Louis, sitting against the wall to his far left, away from the splatter. He's got his legs in front of him, one atop the other, his hands in the pocket of his too thin hoodie and his head hung low. Louis didn't seem to notice Harry's intrusion, not even when Harry shut the door behind him and was now making his way towards him, he still gave him no acknowledgement, acting like the world didn't exist and just sullenly sat there.  
''Hey,'' Harry says and he does his best to sound and seem casual as he sits on his heels to be at eye-level with Louis.  
Louis just looked up, his head all the way back against the wall as he takes a deep breath before tilting his head, smiling tiredly at Harry and Harry thinks no boy should ever be this tired, so exhausted to the core that he doesn't have the strength to fake a smile.  
''Can't live without me or something?'' Louis teases though his voice's just as shot as his worn expression. The whole day Louis has been trying very hard to be pleasing, and Harry knows by now that Louis is doing that thing where he tries to pretend he’s perfectly alright. He cracks a joke or denies till he’s blue in the face rather than just admit that he’s not okay.  
''Just thought I'd get you some lunch.'' Harry says as he waves the Tupperware under Louis' nose half heartedly.  
''Mmm, Maura Horan's home-made meals.'' Louis says as he snatches the Tupperware lazily and puts in on his lap before looking back at Harry. ''Anything else?''

Harry knows he should excuse himself and leave, give Louis his space the way the boys did but then he thinks that this has happened too often enough and Louis should not go on thinking he's alone in this world.  
''Thought I'd enjoy the roof top too. I love it when it rains.'' Harry says as he looks up at the bleak sky.  
He waits for a moment, keeps his eyes at the rain before he hears a sigh.  
''I don't.''  
He looks back and sees Louis open the Tupperware. He takes one of the two penne sandwiches and offers it to Harry.  
''Want some?''  
Harry takes that as an invite so he sits next to Louis properly with his back against the wall and takes the sandwich. He takes a bite and begins to chew. Louis doesn't; he just closes the Tupperware and puts his hands back in his pockets. Harry stops eating.  
''Aren't you hungry?''  
Louis shakes his head, keeps his eyes on the sky. Harry thinks he looks very morose today.  
Harry snatches the Tupperware and places the bitten sandwich in it. Louis sighs.  
''Harry…''  
''If you won't eat, then neither will I.'' he says as he snaps the cover on and puts the plastic item away.  
''I can't eat, alright? Doesn't mean you shouldn't either.'' Louis says with as much patience as he can muster, pinching the bridge of his nose as he ducks his head back down.  
''Why can't you eat?'' Harry is suddenly alarmed.  
''I'll throw up.'' Louis suddenly curls against the wall, like the thought of food has made him ill. He turns his back to Harry and groans. ''God Harry, just leave me alone.''  
''No, Lou. Please talk to me.'' Harry is up on his knees trying to get an angle of Louis' face. Louis has his arms wrapped around his abdomen and it looks like its taking him everything to keep his head upright.  
''I'm just tired, Harry.'' Louis says softly that he has to repeat himself. He has his eyes closed and he looks like he's going to doze off. ''I'm so tired.''  
''Please tell me what to do, Boo. I'll do anything.'' Harry begs.  
Louis shakes his head but with the way he frowns, he's obviously melted at the pet name. Still he won't budge.  
''Just let me close my eyes for a second. I'll be with you shortly, okay?''  
''No, Lou. You don't have to keep pleasing me or anybody else for that matter. I'm not striving for your undivided attention, okay? I just want to help you. Please, just let me take care of you or something, for real this time. You're falling apart.''  
At that, Louis bites back a sob and melts further. He turns sideways towards Harry without opening his eyes and let's Harry guide him, seeming incapable of doing anything else. Harry maneuvers his body till he's got Louis' head on his lap. Louis sighs at the comfort, instantly curling up his knees to his stomach with one arm still around his abdomen and the other tucking it under Harry's knee and Harry in turn, drapes his large hand protectively around his friend's shoulder, keeping him there.  
''I'm sorry.'' Louis says, his voice ragged. Harry sees a single tear slip from Louis' eye. It slides down the side of his nose till it bounces off the tip and marks Harry's black skinny jeans in a tiny little puddle.  
Harry's heart breaks at the thought of how badly Louis' hurt this time and how much worse did he have to go through to keep a happy face all day.

''Don't be sorry. You're hurt and you've got nothing to be sorry about.'' Harry says as gently as possible. He combs his fingers through Louis' hair and tries to control the shaking in his fingers. One of them needs to be strong right now and that person has to be Harry because he wasn't just stating a fact. Louis is falling apart. He looks pale and sick with his guard down, with no fake humor to get him through the many eyes looking at him, judging him, complementing him. Harry doesn't understand how people can expect Louis to be golden boy all the time and how Louis can expect to not fall at the seams and crack under the abuse going on in his home.  
''I just need to close my eyes. I didn't get to sleep much last night so just give me a second. That's all.'' Louis' barely audible.  
''Close your eyes for as long as you want, Lou…''  
''I was doing that before you came long.'' Louis interrupted softly with a little smile in his words. Harry wonders if there's a general meaning to his words, like that's all Louis' been doing, closing his eyes to the pain and hurt until Harry appeared and started helping him get through it. So he continues carding his fingers through Louis' hair because Louis is starting to relax and that's a very good thing.  
''Sorry, Loubear.''

Louis hums in return as he sniffs and relaxes further.  
''You're a really good pillow.'' He murmurs. Harry blushes at the complement.  
''Yeah, well, I'll wake you up when break's over. I promise. I'll make sure you eat too when you're feeling better, yeah?''  
''I don't wanna eat. It hurts.''  
''What hurts?''  
''My stomach. Kneed me this morning for sneaking back home so late. Had me doubled over, gasping for air. That's why I can't eat or else I'll throw up.''  
''Shit. Did he find out where you were?''  
Louis had told Harry that he works the night shift at this bar at a night club, and though Harry is very disapproving of Louis working at a God forsaken hour and going home at 3 in the morning, he doesn’t argue as; 'the weekly night shift is better money than working full-time weekends only, Haz.' Louis reasons that he really needs the cash. Of course Louis' father doesn't know or else he'd be allover that money and so Louis usually sneaks into the house after his shifts' over. He leaves this emergency rope he stole from the drama class's props tied to the window of his room so he can climb up and sneak back through his window. He has also assured Harry that a co-worker -the same co-worker who got Louis a fake ID that says he's 21 and not 17- drives him to and from work so he doesn't walk. As that is not enough for Harry, Louis has also promised to text him when he's arrived home safely and Harry is ever grateful because some nights he just cannot sleep at the thought of Louis out there somewhere in the dark until he receives that one little text that puts his heart at ease. It makes Harry feel like a mother hen but he doesn't care. No one ever fusses over Louis and it's about time someone should.  
''No, told him I was out partying. Sounds logical, don't you think?''  
''Yeah, but he wasn't convinced, I assume.''  
''No, he was. Just disapproving.'' Louis tightens his arm around his abdomen.  
''How badly does your stomach hurt?''  
''Let's just say it’s a good thing it's raining. Don't think I can make it through football practice.''  
''Jesus, Lou. You need to see a doctor, please. You could have a broken rib or something.''  
''No, I taped myself up before I left. Took some painkillers.''  
Harry swallows and wants to bang his head back against the wall because he feels so unbearably helpless right now. Louis knows more about treating himself than any boy his age should, like he's his own nurse or something and Harry hates that, that Louis has no one at home to put him first the way Louis puts his sisters first and foremost. He chooses to massage Louis' shoulder instead because cracking his skull against the brick wall would not help. He hopes he's comforting his best friend that way.

''Well, I've got you now. Just sleep, alright?''  
''I hate the rain.'' Louis says suddenly. He seems content to just close his eyes, lie on his side and talk. Harry thinks that Louis' warm weight on his thigh is actually quite nice because it means that Louis is solid and with him and not shattering on the ground.  
''May I ask why?'' Harry says softly, conversationally, like maybe this is what Louis needs because Louis comes up here to think, put his thoughts out there so maybe Harry's presence is helping him word them out and so Harry is content to oblige and not be too intrusive.  
''Mom left on a rainy day. She,'' Louis swallows and sniffs before he continues. ''She got us all dressed up after school one day and took us out for some ice-cream. Then we went shopping in the local supermarket, buying enough food to last a week. It was a bit out of place for her but I suspected nothing, thought she was having a good day and wanted to share it with us.'' He pauses. ''She didn't leave a note, not a post-it on the refrigerator, not a text message on my phone. Although she did say the night before while I was helping her pack the stuff we bought, that she was going for an important ride the next day, something about an all nurses' convention and that I shouldn't wait up on her because she might take long. Didn't think much of it until two days later even though the next morning, it was raining and her car was gone.''  
Harry felt a lump in his throat because Louis was admitting all this with his eyes closed, his lips murmuring the words to his thigh but the way they came out, it was like he was reciting the weather report not his mom's abandonment.

''All this was three years ago?'' Harry inquired.  
''Yeah. What a long ride, indeed.'' Louis chuckled humorlessly.  
''Yeah.''  
''Am I boring you?'' Louis asks as he opens one eye to peer at Harry.  
''No, Lou. I'm not doing this for your attention, remember?''  
''So you're just giving me yours?'' Louis asks skeptically.  
Harry nods with a smile, a bit surprised and hurt at Louis's suspicion.  
''Are we taking turns or something?'' Louis asks hesitantly.  
''No, Louis love, there are no turns here, okay? I don't want a turn. You can have all of mine. I'm doing this because you're my best mate and I love you.''

Louis just looks at him for a long time, letting the words sink in. He'd never met someone so vocal about his emotions, someone who wears his heart on his sleeve like Harry. He finds it too adorable but he's too tired to dwell on it so he closes his eyes again and turns his face to Harry's thigh. Harry sees that it's because he's hiding a smile there, a fierce one at it too.  
After that, Louis relaxes further. Harry watches it happen, watches Louis as he droops further into unconsciousness. He thinks he likes Louis like this, with no walls up, with no façade made of armor. Louis looks younger when he sleeps, with his pale thin lips forming a little pout and long eyelashes that cast dramatic shadows on his cheeks. Then he thinks, no, he likes Louis in any way, whether as golden boy or as the boy sleeping in his lap, it makes no difference whatsoever.

Harry lets him sleep for an hour. He ignores the bell, decides to skip the next class and texts the boys that Louis is asleep and that he's with him so they don't worry. He answers their follow-up texts, assures them further then tucks his phone back in his pocket. After that, he watches Louis for a while, taking in every detail and likes what he sees because it feels it's just for him that Louis is letting this happen. He takes in Louis' pale tanned skin, light purplish veins at the corners of his eyes and edges of his hairline. He combs his hair back a little and then stops because he notices something right above Louis' ear lobe, digging into the side of his head. It’s like a wound over a wound, a couple centimeters long and split wide open with a dark perhaps two-week-old scab closing it.

This is bad, this is very bad. Nobody should get injuries like this. Harry remembers what Louis said, about his step-dad hitting his head against the sink, something about razors. He never saw that particular injury until now and he doesn't like it one bit. He is really tempted to touch the wound though but decides to keep his promise and let Louis sleep.  
He's a bit worried at how still Louis is though. The boy doesn't even snore. But Harry sees his chest moving ever so slightly, a sign that he's breathing and so he relaxes at that, glad to be with Louis even though his thigh's going numb with the weight of Louis' head but he doesn't care. Harry wonders if this is what having a brother feels like.  
When it was close to the next class, he finds it inevitable and with a sigh, he gently shakes Louis awake. The boy groans, his eyelashes flutter and Harry continues to rub his shoulder as he coaxes him awake, no words used. Then Louis opens his eyes and looks at Harry blearily.

''Hi,'' he says, voice rough and clumsy with sleep.  
''Hey there, love.'' Harry says gently. ''Time to get up.''  
''Hmm.'' Louis says as he rubs his eyes and yawns. He pulls himself up and continues rubbing his eyes before looking up at the sky.  
''It stopped raining.'' He says.  
''Didn't notice.'' Harry shrugs, his eyes only on Louis, his hand on his back, afraid he'll topple over from how exhausted he still looks. Then again, sleeping for only three hours every day is the main reason but Harry won't bring that up.  
Louis looks back at him and smiles.  
''You're an angel, you know that?'' he says as he pulls Harry's hand from his back and squeezes it between them. Harry blushes but smiles anyway.  
''I'm not but thank you.'' He squeezes back.  
''No, thank you. For putting up with me. I bet this isn't what you expected about the 'golden boy' image, Correct?'' Louis says with an eye roll at the title.  
''You're not always golden boy to me, Lou.'' Harry thinks that Louis needs to hear this. ''I like you in any way, shape or form. No one gets me like you do and I like that about you that you're not even pretending. And I don't care how you do it because I like it not because I can get something out of you, yeah?''  
Louis is a bit taken aback. He ducks his head down, obviously flushing. He shakes his head.  
''I don't know what I did to deserve this type of loyalty from you or this amount of care.'' There's a question in Louis' eyes and Harry knows he's talking about the whole 'sleep' thing that just happened.  
''Well, you’re… there’s something about you that seems kind of…breakable.” Harry says awkwardly. “And I don’t want to be the one that does it, you know, break you.''  
''Yeah,” Louis squeezes his hand again as he pauses. "I think I’d have to agree with you today. I feel a little… breakable, tired, I don't know.''  
“But I’m here for you,” Harry says softly. “You know that, right?''  
“Yeah, you are.”  
“You can ask anything from me, anything at all.'' Harry confirms.  
''Yeah, it's nice to know I'm not alone in the world, not anymore, I think.'' Louis ventures as he keeps his eyes on their linked hands.  
Harry has to try so hard not to jump on the vulnerability. He waits an appropriate few seconds before he speaks.  
''I'm glad you know that today.” he says. “And I hope you know it every day. You're safe, you know, at least with me? And the boys? And you’re here, so that's a very good thing, yeah?''  
''Yeah.''

As Louis predicted, football practice is cancelled which means Louis has some free time before he has to get home. Harry jumps on the chance and invites him over. He knows for sure that his mom is going to make Louis eat and he cannot wait to get some food in Louis's tiny little frame.  
So, after saying goodbye to the lads and thanking them for letting them both copy their missed lesson during study period, Harry drives home with Louis in the passenger seat.  
''You sure your mom wouldn't mind?'' Louis says as Harry parks in the garage.  
''Louis, you've been here before and you always ask that exact same question and what do I always say?''  
Louis feels like he's being patronized so he doesn't answer as he leaves the car. He folds his arms over his chest like a kid as he walks next to Harry up the house. Harry laughs as he puts his arm over Louis' shoulder.  
''C'mon Boo, what do I say?''  
'''You're always welcome in my house, Boobear' or something like that, I don't know.'' Louis mumbles.  
''That sounds just about right.'' Harry says as he moves his hip against Louis. Lois laughs at that and relaxes, not that he'd been tense before but he always relaxes with Harry.  
As they enter the house, Harry calls out to his mom.  
''Kitchen.'' She calls back.  
They head to the kitchen and she's there, with the phone stuck between her ear and her shoulder and her hands busy making what seems to be like bacon sandwiches.  
''Hold on a second, Cher.'' She says to the person on the phone. ''Hey sweetheart.'' She says. ''Hey Louis.''  
''Hi, Ms. Twist.'' Louis greets politely and Harry beams at the fact that he remembered his step-dad's last name and called his mom by it, which means he remembered when Harry told him how she had her last name changed post marriage. He didn't like people calling his mom Ms. Cox after she divorced his biological dad, especially when they wiggled their eyebrows and snickered.  
''Hey mom.'' Harry says as he kisses her free cheek and she blows one back. ''Is that for us?''  
''Sure, how many would you like?''  
''Two for me.''  
''Louis?''  
''No thanks, I…'' Louis starts.  
''Four it is, then.'' Anne interrupts. ''So Cher honey, about the...'' Anne continues despite Louis' protests. Harry just laughs as he takes a seat at the kitchen table and pulls Louis by the hand to take a seat next to him. Louis just shakes his head fondly but nonetheless takes a seat. They talk a little bit until Anne places two plates on the table, one for each, ruffles both their hairs then leaves them be.  
''You don't have to if you feel like throwing up.'' Harry says. ''But if you can, at least eat one and pack the other with you, yeah?''  
''Okay, I'll try.''  
So Harry relaxes and eats because he's starving. He watches Louis as he takes a couple of deep breaths so Harry slows down a bit, not wanting to disgust Louis with how hungry he's eating.  
''Your mom's a sweetheart.'' Louis says after a couple of bites which Harry is very happy with.  
''Yeah, she's a good person.'' Harry says proudly.  
''My mom used to be like that, you know.'' Louis says casually. Harry has to try and keep his face neutral and not sad for Louis' sake. ''A knock-out too, if I may say so.''  
''Are you saying my mom's hot?'' Harry says, feigning scandalized.  
''I believe the term is 'a proper woman', Harry.'' Louis says proudly and Harry laughs because that's a very Louis thing to say, one of the many things that is so Louis-like.  
''Well thank you, Louis. I'm going to make sure to tell her you said that.''  
''Please do.''  
They continue eating until Harry's done. Louis finishes half a sandwich and Harry wraps the whole and the bitten one for him against his protests and puts it in Louis' rucksack so he doesn't attempt to forget it when he leaves. After that, Harry stands up to do the dishes. Louis remains seated behind him.

''She used to say I'm her favorite.'' Louis says softly. Harry looks behind his shoulder and sees Louis playing with his fingers with his eyes concentrating on them. Harry lets him be, as its not every day that Louis just comes out and talks about things that Harry is so desperate to know.  
''I know it sounds a bit mean, for a mother to have favoritism among her children, but I'm her eldest kid, her first-born and her only boy so I didn't mind whenever she said that.'' Louis clears his throat and Harry continues to listen as the water runs. ''And she said it a lot, even before she left. She kept it up even after, when she'd call from whatever place she's in, she always says that before she hangs up, as if to tell me that I'm her favorite still.'' He pauses as he clears his throat again. "But I can't help but feel worse about it because then, it means, she left me for someone else and not me and my sisters as a whole.''  
By now, Harry has finishes washing both their plates and has turned off the water. He turns around, facing Louis as he leans against the sink. Louis' eyes are trained on the table, his fingers still playing with each other. His limp fringe hiding half his eye that Harry can only see an inch of blue.  
''She loves me, I know she does and I love her too so I understand why she did what she did. But, I just can't...'' Louis sniffs then he rapidly wipes off his face. He’s not fast enough, though. Harry sees the tears falling. He's moving by the time the third tear slips off Louis' chin, almost skidding to his knees as he pulls Louis to him in a tight hug.  
''I miss her so much, Harry.'' Louis cries into Harry's shoulder, keeping his hands on his lap but letting Harry hug him. ''I see the way your mom is with you. I see the way you are with her. And I'm not jealous, I'm not but it makes me miss her so much. I just can't help it and I wish I could but I can't.''

And Harry feels close to tears at this because Louis thinks he shouldn't miss his mom for doing what he thinks is right by her because Louis understands her reasons and therefore should not miss her but rather let her be. Harry thinks that is so wrong in so many levels, that no mother should ever do this to her children, that Louis' mom should not have done this to his Louis, her Louis.  
So he hugs the smaller boy tighter, getting between Louis' legs to pull him flushed against him. Louis places his little hands on Harry's chest, as if to keep his tears from drenching Harry's shirt and Harry can’t help but think how adorable that is and heart breaking at the same time. He's starting to think that there is something infinitesimally beautiful about broken things.

''You can feel anything you want to feel towards her, Lou. You can miss her, love her, hell, be mad at her for leaving you. With your step-dad.'' Harry adds before Louis can retort. He knows for sure that Louis will defend her to the death if Harry says a mean thing about her so he doesn't. After all, it's his step-dad that beats him up, right? ''But don't not feel anything because you think you shouldn't, okay?''  
''But it's been three years, Harry. And sure, he may not have been hurting her but she wasn't exactly all rainbows either. I should be more understanding by now and…'' he says between sniffs.  
''There are no time-line restrictions, Lou.'' Harry interrupts. ''She's your mom. You've got the right to feel something, anything towards her.''  
Louis stays silent for a while, trying to keep his crying at a minimum because this isn't him. Louis doesn't do tears, at least not in front of his mates. But here he is, sitting in Harry's kitchen with his soul bear and exposed. Louis thinks he needs to get a handle on himself because this is Harry, sweet, loving baby boy Harry who he thinks is too fragile to handle his problems.  
''Okay.'' Louis says roughly, as he sniffs and nods. He keeps his head on Harry's chest for a little while before he lifts it up and wipes his face. His cheeks are splotched and he keeps his eyes away from Harry but then Harry captures a stray tear and with his thumb and Louis looks at him then. Silence washes over them for a while, a heavy one, like a blanket is unfolding and engulfing them.  
''You still care about me?'' Louis asks.  
''Yeah, Lou. Forever. Why?''  
''Isn't it obvious? I'm a shit load of baggage.''  
''No, you're wonderful and brave and nothing can ever make me change my mind about that.'' Harry holds his hands and keeps it there in Louis' lap. He sits on his heels so that he could look up at Louis. ''I promise. I'll take care of you whenever I can and be whatever you need me to be, even if you don’t need anything sometimes.''  
''You mean that?''  
''More than anything, Louis. You're like a brother to me and it kills me to see you like this.''

Louis nods as he looks away, sniffs and takes in a shuddery breath. Harry wipes residues of his tears with his thumbs again, making Louis look back at him, only this time, with a little bit of adoration in his eyes.  
''You're like my guardian angel, a beautiful curly-haired little cherub, you know?'' Louis says as he shakes his head in awe. He frees one of his hands and touches Harry's milky-colored cheek. ''You're so good to me.''  
''Always, Lou.'' The word comes out with a bit of a chuckle, trying to distract Louis from the blush creeping down his neck.  
''Can I hug you?''  
Harry doesn't answer but just goes for it and to him, this can never get old. Hugging Louis and letting Louis hug him, it's like the foundation of their friendship, the basis of everything good in Harry's life and Louis'.  
Later on, they play FIFA but of course, Louis kicks Harry's ass in that. It's worth it though, to see Louis laughing after his emotional stumble. Then they play Xbox to even the score a little but time runs out and soon Louis has to leave. Harry drives him home and Louis is back to his former self or back to the confident Louis, the Louis that's ready to take on the world. His shoulders are up as he saunters out of the car, strutting down the drive way like he owns it and Harry thinks that this is the Louis who's scared shitless inside but won't be pushed down because of some dangerously obstinate streak that refuses so. Harry can only hope it helps him get through the bad days and the worse of them.


	5. Sometimes I don't have the words

Things are good the next couple of days. Louis is all bright and warm again though still popping painkillers here and there but not much. He looks far happier since he fell asleep on the roof; the sparkle was back in his eyes, and his cheeky grin showed no sign of faltering. His cheeks were just the right color; peachy and sun-kissed. They don't talk about what happened in Harry's house and Harry doesn't mind. He's actually too busy looking forward to after school because its Karaoke night at the pub that Zayn works in and he's made Louis promise him to sing. He's never been more excited about anything else.

''Give a round of applause to Mr. Zayn Malik, everybody!'' says Mr. Green, the host of Karaoke night and the pub's assistant manager. It’s a great night, with a great turn out from the audience. Most of them are girls from the boys' high school, worshippers of Zayn and secret admirers of Louis and Liam. After all, it's only on Karaoke nights that they get to hear these two boys sing aside from watching them play during matches. Harry is included as one of those fans even though he himself has horded quite a number of lady crushes as well.  
The pub is crowded and the owner is delightful of such a busy turn out and well, mostly because he's serving non-alcoholic beverages so that means no drunken brawls. Zayn takes a bow and rolls his eyes at the wolf-whistles his friends sitting at the centre are howling at him. On his way over, girls' eyes follow him like a hawk, and it’s a little bit disturbing the amount of lust they're giving him. But Zayn, confident and committed, nods his head politely and moves on. When he takes a seat, the boys guffaw when they see the expression on his face but then he cracks and laughs along.

''You're like groupies, the lot of you, laughing like hyenas.'' He says fondly.  
''Aww, you don't like our cheering, Zayney?'' Louis coos. Zayn goes for him but Liam catches him in a head-lock and Niall and Harry can't stop laughing for the love of them. As usual, Harry is seated next to Louis, Zayn in the centre between Harry and Liam and Niall next to Liam. They've been at the pub since 6 pm and the night is still young as they exchange banter and drinks, jokes and stories, some old some new but always a good laugh. Harry doesn't think about the fact that Louis has to leave by 10 pm so he could catch his work across town.  
He's figured out now why Louis never stays long at parties and that it's Liam who usually drives him to work. Louis was a bit ashamed to tell him but he was still too guilty about ditching Harry that night at the party that in the end he just came out and said it. Harry actually has no problem with Louis working at a night club. He just has a problem with the hour. But it was all good and he trusts Louis to not get himself into trouble.

It was Liam's turn next and the boys were watching out for his performance as well as the reaction of one certain girl in the audience whom Liam has a huge crush on. Encouraged by Louis, Liam had invited her to Karaoke night and now, as he sits on the stool on stage, he looks towards where a curly-haired brunette that goes by the name of Danielle is sat. The minute they locked eyes, he smiled and pretty much was about to serenade her without the need for an intro or background music. Louis then got his hands ruffling through Harry's pockets, catching the boy off-guard.  
''What on earth are you doing, mate?'' Harry giggled.  
''I need to video this. It's gonna be a keepsake, trust me. Aha!!'' he pulled out Harry's android phone with a relish then started looking for the camera button. Harry snatches it from him and does it himself. Louis is not very good with technology, something he'd never admit to but he never stops Harry from helping him out like now. Harry hands his phone back to Louis and Louis takes it with a content smile. Louis then holds the phone just about right and starts recording just when Liam finishes talking about his song choice.

The drinks are on a roll and Harry's a bit tipsy even though he's only had one beer and a whole lot of club soda –they're all under eighteen but nothing a fake ID can't fix. The smell of coffee, pints, dim lights and winter warmth made him feel all lovey dovey so he didn't give any preamble when he got his arms around Louis' waist and put his chin on his shoulder as he watched the video. Louis just smiled at him closely, pecks his dimple with closed lips before concentrating on his task and they remained like that, cheek to cheek, as Liam sang 'You're beautiful' by James Blunt. Harry never felt calmer, glad that Louis is solid between his arms, even though he's bumpy and bruised underneath his thin plain black shirt. He can't help but put his lips on Louis' shoulder sometimes or hold him tighter. Louis had his head leaning on Harry's temple and sometimes he'd switch hands, one holding the phone and the other on Harry's arm around his waist. When the song was over, Harry released him to applaud Liam and Louis followed suit after he pressed the stop button and saved the clip.

''Too bad no one recorded you guys tonight.'' Niall said casually.  
''What?'' Harry asked, still applauding because Liam pretty much nailed that song.  
''Oh don't be shy, Harreh!'' Zayn said with his heavy Bradford accent. ''You and Louis looked really cozy there.''  
''Shut up, Zayn!'' Louis said with faux irritation.  
''What, I was just teasing Loueh!'' Zayn said as he got a hold of Harry's cheeks and pinched them.  
''Ouch, Louis; save me!'' Harry cried dramatically, arms flailing.  
''Oi, get off him!'' Louis says as he pulls Harry back then wraps him in his arms possessively. Harry ducks under Louis' chin, his arms back around Louis' waist as he sticks his tongue out at Zayn.  
''No one touches my Harry!'' Louis says with faux indignation.  
''Your Harry?'' Zayn says with amusement. Niall is just laughing next to him.  
''Yes, Louis says I'm his angel.'' Harry says as he embraces Louis' waist tighter and though he sounds very child-like, he can’t help but give into the act because this is what they do, this is Louis and Harry. Louis huffs in agreement as he kisses Harry's forehead with a smacking wet sound, making the curly-haired boy giggle and smile so wide with dimples and teeth and all. ''So what do you think? Did she like it?'' Liam takes his seat all jittery and high from his performance. Louis and Harry don't let go of each other but turn to him nonetheless.  
''She was in awe of you, mate.'' Louis says.  
''You pretty much swept her off her feet.'' Harry contributes.  
''Really?'' Liam says as he looks towards Danielle's booth. The boys peer at her too and they see her chatting with her girlfriends animatedly and it's obvious that she's talking about Liam because she and her peeps keep looking towards the boys' table after every sentence.  
''Yup, you got her, Li.'' Niall says proudly. Liam ducks his head into Zayn's chest, too embarrassed from grinning too widely. The Bradford boy can't help but laugh at him and even Harry finds this reaction very sweet considering that Liam could have any girl he wants but shies away from the one girl he really likes.  
''Oh c'mon Li. She liked it.'' Zayn says honestly.  
''But what do I do now?'' Liam says worriedly as he looks up.  
''You buy her a drink obviously.'' Louis says with an eye roll.  
''Just like that?'' Liam says as he sits up.  
''Just like that.'' Louis confirms.  
''Then what?''  
''Mate, c'mon.'' Louis rolls his eyes fondly. ''You go after her, of course! You wait till she takes a sip of the drink then you make your move. You go to her, ask her if she likes the drink which of course she will.'' Louis adds confidently and Harry nods his head in agreement. ''And from there ask her if she liked your performance and next thing you know, you'll be living happily ever after.''  
Liam nods as if he were taking notes in class and gulps as he looks back at Danielle's table. The chemistry is obvious, Harry thinks and Louis' advice is bullet-proof.

''The next performance is coming to you tonight from one of my favorite local singers and I do hope all new comers out here will be just as impressed. Please give it up to the brilliant; Mr. Louis Tomlinson.''  
''I gotta go, love. Tell me the details later.'' Louis says as he presses a quick kiss to Harry's curls then stands up and heads for the stage. Harry wants to concentrate on Louis' performance but he also has to give him details so he nods and watches Liam talk to the waiter about sending one fruity drink to his future girlfriend. He looks back and forth between Liam and Louis and doesn't know what to do.  
''Niall's got his back.'' Zayn says as he shifts Harry's body so that he's facing Louis not Liam.  
''Thanks, Zayn.'' Harry says whole-heartedly. He really doesn't want to miss this.  
''Here, I'll even record.'' Zayn says as he snatches Harry's phone from the table and gets the video started. Louis is adjusting the mic-stand to his height and he looks adorable on the stool with his feet around the legs of the chair, barely reaching the ground. Harry gives one last look to Liam who's holding his breath as he watches Danielle take a sip of the drink he bought her before turning around, paying full attention to Louis. He just knows that this is a performance he will dare not miss.

''So this is a cover of a song I heard on the radio last week and it’s kind of an old song but I reckon, 'old is gold' right?''  
A couple of agreeable chuckles are heard here and there as Louis clears his throat.  
''Well, I hope every body takes a liking to it. This is Patty Griffin's; rain.''

Harry doesn't know the song, immediately files it in his mind to hear the original. He and Louis have almost the same taste in music so he's quite sure he'll like the song before he even hears it. Strings of an acoustic start playing amidst the bubble of drinks clattering, hushed voices and dim lights. The song starts off with a bit of guitar and it’s a new guitarist tonight, –usually on karaoke nights, they give chance to a one night only gig for those ambitious guitar players seeking quick cash and audition chances for maybe-scouts and if there's none, Niall usually takes his usual seat- plucking the strings of his acoustic languidly as the song starts off slow. Louis' eyes close as his lips touch the mic. He breathes in then breathes out;  
_''It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart_  
_Beatin' close to mine_  
_Poundin' up against the stone and steel_  
_Walls that I won't climb''_  
Well, this is different, kind of heartbreaking in a way and Harry is captivated. He's never heard Louis sing an old song before and even though it's not the first time he hears Louis sing, it always feels different. Louis puts his hand on his chest, slightly balling up his shirt in a light fist, keeping his other hand on the mic, his eyes still closed and his brow in a knit.

 _''Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep_  
_You think that you're gonna drown_  
_Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep_  
_With all this rain fallin' down_  
_Strange, how hard it rains now_  
_Rows and rows of big dark clouds_  
_When I'm holding on underneath this shroud_  
_Rain.''_  
Harry never thought Louis' voice could be so strong, it's captivating. Louis puts both hands on the mic and takes a breath as the short guitar solo reaches the next verse:

 _''It's hard to know when to give up the fight_  
_Some things you want will just never be right_  
_It's never rained like it has tonight before_  
_Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby_  
_For something maybe you could never give_  
_I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life_  
_I just want another chance to live_  
_Strange, how hard it rains now_  
_Rows and rows of big dark clouds_  
_When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud_  
_Rain.''_  
As another guitar part hits the song, Harry can't help but feel blown away. Louis' voice is just so mesmerizing and Jesus Christ, the lyrics! For someone who's not very vocal about his emotions, Louis sure puts his heart in his voice!

  
_''Strange, how hard it rains now_  
_Rows and rows of big dark clouds_  
_When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud_  
_Rain_  
_Strange, how hard it rains now_  
_Rows and rows of big dark clouds_  
_When I'm still alive underneath this shroud_  
_Rain, oh, rain, oh, rain''_

  
Louis ducks his head as the last note reverberates in the air and in the split second before the crowd applauds, Harry holds his breath. He doesn't know if he starts breathing again because as the crowd cheers and Louis looks up with a breath-taking smile, and a pair of blue eyes full of humility and raw emotion, Harry simply forgets how to breathe again, as cliché as that may sound. He's hooked to Louis' song, hooked to the fact that he's never seen Louis so exposed and so willing in showing that always private part of him.  
''This could nail a million views if we upload it on YouTube.'' He hears Zayn say as the black-haired hunk pats his shoulder and hands him back his phone. Harry takes it in silence and nods once before looking back at Louis. Sure, the idea of millions of people watching Louis' performance and liking what they see –because of course, what's not to like? Duh- is a wonderful idea to Harry but to him, nothing beats the fact that he got to watch it live, in this dingy small pub with less than a 100 strangers and his closest friends. He's never idolized Louis more nor loved his soul further.

On the way to bringing Louis to the crossroad where he'll hitch another ride with his co-worker – Zayn and Harry had volunteered since Liam was going to bring Danielle home (a success, yay!) and Niall was catching a quick ride home to meet his relatives coming from Ireland for a 5-day visit- Harry couldn’t help but play the lyrics of 'rain' back in his head, watch the performance on replay in his mind, basically thinking of Louis and the way he sung tonight. It felt like he could watch the movement of Louis' lips framing words forever. Every infinitesimal twitch of his face had him frozen in interest, wondering what it could mean, from his eyebrows raising to the tiniest frown. He thinks of Louis' eyes when they had opened during certain moments in the song, looking at the ground because Louis didn't look out at the audience throughout his entire performance but they still shone. Even from Harry's distance, they shone bright. It got Harry wondering about those amazing eyes and every passing emotion that flickered through their gentle blue depths. In short, Harry was completely enthralled by Louis and he doesn't know how a person can move him so much, inspire him to do a thousand times better and become a better version of himself.  
He wonders if Zayn feels the same way or if it's just something ordinary since he's known Louis longer. He looks at the Bradford bad boy, as his nickname goes, driving so he and Louis were sat in the back seat together, sideways with Louis cradled between Harry’s legs, leaning against his chest. But Zayn's eyes were focused on the dark road ahead.

Harry sighs and looks down, smiles at what he sees. One of his hands is intertwined with Lou’s and Harry can't help but run his thumb over Louis' skin, even though he's not aware that he's been doing it for the past 5 minutes. Louis has his eyes closed; catching some sleep before he heads to work although Harry's quite sure he's not exactly under. But Harry remains quiet, keeps his eyes lingered on Louis' hair for the longest time, curiously wondering what it would feel like to hear Louis sing that song again and wondering what that song means to him.  
Alas, they reach their destination and Louis says a quick good-bye not wanting to be late as his co-worker is already there, stubbing his cigarette and waving at them. Harry follows him out to the car, wanting to meet this co-worker of Louis. He feels like a father or a much older brother doing this but he can't help it. The co-worker's name is Aiden and he's about to graduate community college. He seems like a cool bloke though he's mostly short sentences and one-word answers. After introductions were said and done, Harry gives Lou a tight hug and reminds him to text him when he's back home safe even though that word doesn't apply. He feels overly protective of Louis tonight, something tugging at his heartstrings that makes him feel queasy about letting Louis go, that maybe the bear and vulnerable way in which Louis sang that night is still shrouded around him like a cape, leaving him exposed still and making Harry want to cover him up.

Louis understands; he stands on tiptoes and kisses Harry's forehead- they do that a lot now to comfort each other and perhaps themselves too- before he takes his seat in the other car and slams the passenger's door shut. Harry watched as the car went till it disappeared under the dim traffic lights and he couldn't help but feel an 'emptiness' at his side where Louis usually was, like somehow he had claimed a part of him as his and has taken it away from him until he returns to him again.  
''You alright?'' Zayn says, coming up next to him.  
''I just want him to be okay, you know?'' Harry says, not taking his eyes off the distance from which Louis went.  
''Yeah, me too, mate.''  
And that's that. They both know there's nothing they can actually do for Louis but be as supportive and strong as they've managed to be so far.  
Zayn brings Harry home and after Harry kisses his mom goodnight, he plops on his bed like a sack of potatoes, tired from such a long day.  
Along with the tiredness though, came a pang of longing, deep in Harry's gut. His hand automatically went to his stomach, pressing on his abdomen as he looked up at the ceiling of his room. He wonders how bad things with Louis are going to get again because in truth, that's what's been gnawing at him throughout the car ride on the way home, when Louis' warmth was no longer pressed against him. Just the actual thought of it had him feel that pang in his stomach increase, causing him to massage his abdomen a little to try and ease it up. He decides to change his clothes and get himself ready for bed even though it's not yet midnight but he needs to get himself busy so that he doesn't think.  
Once he's under the covers, he makes sure his phone is under his palm so that he feels it when Louis' text comes in. Harry's become good at sleeping then waking up at 3 am to see Louis' assuring text before going back to sleep again and he doesn't mind at all, having his sleep interrupted like that. However, he feels like he needs that text now or else he'll turn into a weeping mess. So, he texts Louis;

R u at work already? Let me know

A reply comes after half an hour, during which the ache in Harry's abdomen has reached his chest with full force causing him to rub at his sternum and sit up in bed, intent on not sleeping until he gets a reply. So, when it does, it brightens up his face with relief;

_Yeah, am at work. It’s a busy night & cant b caught texting. Will text u at 3 though when I'm home, as promised. Xooxoxoxox_

And it's those x's and o's that finally soothe the pain in his gut, the pain caused by how deeply he's missing Louis, the pain that finally ceases upon receiving that simple text. Harry finally goes to sleep a minute later.

At 3:03 am, his phone buzzes under his palm and Harry barely opens his eyes as he squints at the screen. He doesn't read the text but catches the 'L' on the sender's name so he knows its Louis then he closes his eyes. However, something is nagging at him. Usually Louis' texts to him are always the same, always starting with 'I'm' something like: I'm back or I'm home or I'm safe although that last one is not so common. So Harry's quite sure that his eyes caught something else this time. Therefore, as much as he'd like to return to sleep so badly, he clicks his phone open and reads the message through half-lidded eyes:  
_Can't sleep_  
Harry closes his eyes for a minute, not exactly thinking of anything. He knows he's going to text Louis, probably have one of their late night talks. But he's kind of tired so he just closes his eyes for a minute but then he fears that the minute will turn into an hour so he dials Louis' number, finding more strength in his voice than his fingers that are right now, too sleepy to text.

''Why can't you sleep?'' he goes straight to the point, like they were right in the middle of a conversation in a field of green, sitting alone in silence.  
''Really, Haz?''  
''What?''  
''Sorry. Shouldn't have sent that text. Go back to sleep, love.''  
''No, c'mon. I'm awake now. We might as well talk.''  
''But you were sleeping.''  
''So?''  
''As in I'm bothering you.''  
''You weren't. Besides, why did you send that text if you'll just say 'sorry'?''  
''I don't know. I just felt like it but, I know; I shouldn't have sent it. Besides, I didn't think you'd reply, let alone call.''  
''Louis, I was waiting for your text anyway. It startled me that it was different.''  
''I'm really sorry.''  
''Please tell me why you can't sleep.''  
At this, Louis went silent. Harry knows that Louis would rather keep his thoughts to himself, keep everything hidden in layers of depths so he knows that Louis is probably feeling lonely, needs someone to talk to because maybe before he never had anyone willing to listen to him at God forsaken hours. Maybe the boys, but it's pretty obvious that Louis is tired of relying on them too much, tired of burdening them. The boys do too much for Louis so he might as well do this much for him too.  
''Louis?''  
''Keep thinking about her, about mom.''  
Harry sighs. He wishes he wasn't too tired for this conversation, because it seems like Louis is laying down his walls even if just for tonight which means that he needs a friend right now and so this can't be something to miss. Harry forces himself to sit up so he doesn't fall asleep. He hugs his pillow to himself and keeps his eyes closed though he remains steady against the headboard.  
''You miss her?''  
''Yeah, tonight I do. Dunno why.'' Louis chuckles with a self-deprecating laugh.  
''What was she like?'' Harry asks in a whisper.  
Louis never speaks above a hued voice when he's at home because he always fears his step-dad busting in on him -apparently no phones are allowed in the Tomlinson residence. So Harry is used to whispering back even if it's already natural to do so in the dead of night when everyone's asleep.  
''She was…she never took herself seriously, never loved herself for what she is.'' Louis answers truthfully. Harry hears shuffling, like the sound of blankets rustling so he knows Louis is in his bed, safe and warm and no longer outside in the cold. It brings so much ease in his chest, like his heart will burst from too much swelling with relief.  
''Why's that do you reckon?'' Harry asks.  
''I don't know. It just always seemed that way to me, the way she seemed to always want to jump in the arms of any bloke who told her she was beautiful like she needed to hear it so much because she didn't believe it herself. She doesn't see how blind it makes her, how 'like' is not 'love' and how settling is not good enough because in the end she just leaves them for the next guy who makes her feel beautiful enough again.''  
''You sound very insightful.'' Harry didn't know what else to say. This isn't the first time that Louis has tried to justify his mother to Harry, like he needs Harry to understand that her leaving is not cause for blame. Harry thinks that Louis can see right through him, see the innate anger and ferocious wrath he keeps hidden inside against Louis' mom for letting her son get hurt in her absence. He thinks this is why Louis is doing this, why he's keen on making sure that Harry doesn't feel this way. But on the contrary, it doesn't help when Louis tells him stuff like this, because for someone who can read him like an open book, Harry thinks that Louis ought to know that what his mother has done is wrong, period, end of story. At the end of the day, no matter how wonderful and beautiful and nice she is, at the end of the day, her son keeps getting hurt and she is nowhere around to be his life-line, his guardian, his mother.  
''Not insightful, just…'' Louis pauses.  
''Just?'' Harry prompts when his silence extends beyond the appropriate amount.  
''Just missing her tonight.''  
They don't say anything for a while and Harry doesn't mind. Silence with Louis is something with Louis and Harry will never take that for granted. He doesn't understand yet how close they've become, how they've reached that point where everything is grey and no longer divided into black and white. He thinks that maybe being Louis' aid in anything, even in early morning talks, has become as much a part of him as his very limbs. He seems to feel it, feel the loneliness in Louis' exhausted voice, feel the frown lines etched in his brow, the weariness in the contours of his jaws, the sadness in his blue eyes.  
He wishes it didn't hurt so much to be hurt by this, to know that Louis has no one to validate his fears and loneliness, to be there for him when his strength is low on power points. Instead, all he has is someone who treats him as a punching bag, exhausts his stamina till he gives out leaving Louis with barely enough time to recharge. Harry cannot bring himself to not tire or physically ache over this.  
''Then sleep, Lou and these thoughts will go away. You must be tired.'' He says.  
''I am tired.''  
''I know.''  
''But I can't sleep.''  
''You'll be a sack of potatoes when tomorrow comes.''  
_''If tomorrow never comes…_ '' Louis sings then chuckles at himself.  
''What's that song?'' Harry is startled. It's not every day that Louis sings at random. Actually, it's as rare as a sunny day in England but when he does, it's just…amazing.  
''Don't you know that song?''  
''No, what is it?''  
''Well, I don't know the original but Ronan keating's version is bloody fantastic.''  
''Well, how does it go?'' Harry asks and he blushes because he hopes Louis doesn't read between the lines behind the request.  
''If tomorrow never come…''  
And if Harry wasn't awake before, he's surely wide awake now because Louis is singing down the phone line, his voice like a message travelling down the wires, sending Harry little pieces of himself, telling him to hold onto his voice and listen to everything that Louis cannot normally say or put into conversations.  
_''Will she know how much I loved her_  
_Did I try in every way to show her every day_  
_That she's my only one_  
_And if my time on earth were through_  
_And she must face this world without me_  
_Is the love I gave her in the past_  
_Gonna be enough to last_  
_If tomorrow never comes''_

Harry thinks Louis was going to stop there and Harry wishes he would because when Louis sings, he's like an open book, all beautiful and pure but tonight, he's an overflow of too much things that Harry wishes he had the strength to handle.  
He feels like he shouldn't have asked him to sing because right now he feels guilty for being glad that he isn't physically around Louis' pain.  
It was too consuming, the way he cared too much, and just why, why did this have to be happening to someone like Louis?  
He'd always known that the words 'domestic child abuse' was the applied term to Louis' fix but Harry never admitted it, never thought of it that way because it sounded too adult for his seventeen years, but its during times like these that Harry sees the emotional hurt that runs just as deep, possibly even deeper than the physical abuse. Harry can feel just how utterly sad, tired, and lonely Louis is truly feeling tonight, so full of misplaced affections and a quiet desperation for a person who doesn't love him back enough so he buries it in melodies and lyrics filled with double-meanings so as not to face the truth.  
Harry listens as the lyrics descend into a soft humming-like sound between song and whisper. He's no longer looking through glass at Louis' heart as its laid exposed in his grasp. So he doesn't interrupt, rather looks at the upside and enjoys this private moment where Louis' soft voice reaches him like soft kisses to his hair and temple.

_''Cause I've lost loved ones in my life_  
_Who never knew how much I loved them_  
_Now I live with the regret_  
_That my true feelings for them never were revealed._  
_''So I made a promise to myself_  
_To say each day how much she means to me_  
_And avoid that circumstance_  
_Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel.''_

''It's lovely.'' Harry says when Louis stopped after repeating the chorus.  
''Yeah, I don't remember the rest of the lyrics though. Old song.'' Louis explains.  
''Speaking of old songs…'' Harry pauses. He feels like he's taking advantage of a lot of things tonight and it shouldn't be like that.  
''Yeah?'' Louis prompts.  
''Nothing.''  
''Spit it out, Haz.''  
''Well…''  
''Well?''  
''The song you sang tonight, 'rain'…'' Harry gives in. He's too tired to be stubborn.  
''Oh.''  
''Yeah.''  
''What about it?''  
''Did you sing that, because of her?'' he asks carefully.  
''I guess. It's been a while since she called so…''  
''And like what, you're worried?'' And Harry is a bit angry because it's her who should be worrying about her children's well-being not Louis.  
''Yeah.’’ Louis says tiredly, maybe choosing to ignore the bite in Harry’s words or just too tired to notice it. ‘’The girls keep asking me if she'd called and I'm kind of running out of stories here, so…''  
''No one would blame you if you lied to them, Lou.'' Harry says carefully.  
''Yeah, but for a while now, I've been missing her…for me…not them. Does that make sense?''  
''Yeah, I understand.'' Harry really does. If he's sure about one thing, it's that Louis cannot be strong all the time. No one can and it's in moments like these that Harry is glad that at least Louis can admit to it.  
''I don't sound selfish to you?''  
''Sunshine, you are nothing but selfless. You should give yourself some credit for that.''  
''I wish I could.'' Louis sighs, though quite content at the nick-name.  
''I can help.'' Harry offers.  
''You're no life-saver, Haz.'' It doesn't come out bad, especially when ended with a fond nickname, just gently disapproving.  
''But I'm your friend. I'm here for you, always.''  
''Correction: Best mate.'' Louis says indignantly.  
''Correction: Brother.'' Harry says in a low chuckle.  
''Yeah.'' Louis says after a while and Harry hears relief in just that one word.  
''Go to sleep, Lou. Unless you have more to say coz I'm all ears.''  
''No, I'm sleepy now. I…'' Louis pauses hesitantly.  
''Don't mention it.'' Harry doesn't need to hear it, he knows.  
''Good night then.'' Harry can feel the smile in Louis' voice.  
''Goodnight, Lou.''  
''Hey Haz?''  
''Yeah, boo?''  
''I love you.'' And Harry revels at the words because he knows it will be awhile before Louis' walls are down and he gets to hear them again.  
''I love you too.''


	6. Thinking of you

Harry finds himself discussing music with Zayn as they walk out of class, heading for the lunch hall. It goes without saying that later on, Zayn would give Harry his English notes so that Harry can pile that and his Math notes in Louis' locker. Yes, Liam has given Harry Louis' combination so that he can contribute in helping Louis with his studies which he cannot get done when he's home most days, too busy taking care of his sisters and being on his best behavior for his step-dad.

Harry has also done something that the boys recommended, something that he's eternally grateful for. One day, after bringing Louis home, the boys decided to take Harry shopping and though it surprised Harry at first why they stopped at a pharmacy, he then understood why. He was a bit horrified at the ease and experience in which they offered their advices with every item they pointed out for purchase.

''Loads of bandages and plasters are a necessity.''

''Betadine for open wounds and no, don't hesitate to use it on major flesh wounds. Oh, and stocks of medical cotton, loads of it.''

''Alcohol for cuts and yes, it hurts like hell but don't let him stop you from using it, it will help later.''

''Paracetamol from when that douche-bag bangs his head against the counter.'' Harry then discovers from Niall that the douche-bag had done it before and for more reasons rather than just razors.

''Sleeping pills so that he doesn't have to stay awake through it.''

''Painkillers but make sure you don't give him more than the necessary dose and only twice a day.''

After Harry bought all that, they go to the supermarket and buy a rucksack to put all those things in it. They buy a couple more items and Harry thinks these boys are his own personal angels for being so patient with him. He also thinks that Louis is so lucky to have them and hopes he can only feel the same way about him. The advices don't stop and Harry hopes he doesn't let any advice skip his mind although with the blunt way the boys put it, he's sure he won't forget.

''A couple of bottles of water; it helps when you're wiping away the blood.''

''An extra sweater is a must. Blood loss usually makes him feel cold.''

''Socks because he hates them so take advantage and put some on him when he's too weak to fight you off.''

''Extra underwear from when he might have to stay over because we don't usually let him back until he's in one piece again.''

''A blanket is also a necessity and it's never too heavy to carry around when he needs it.''

They buy sweatpants, toothbrush, disposable razors, anything a young lad would need and Harry is quite impressed with the precision in which they pick Louis' clothes with no worry about the size or what the boy might like. Harry feels like he's part of a learning experience but also dreads putting it to use. He knows the boys are not trying to intimidate him but he can't help but feel that even they have trouble of keeping Louis together so they make sure to stay prepared for worst case scenarios.

That's why he likes Zayn most because Zayn's chilled. As mysterious as he is, he doesn't hide things about Louis from Harry anymore. He just keeps his sentences short. He confides in Harry about personal things as well so Harry confides in him in return. Out of the four of them, he's closer with Zayn than Liam and Niall- apart from Louis of course. Liam is still a bit reserved with him and even when he fills him in on stuff, it's in a monotone voice and it makes Harry feel like maybe Liam is made of stone. As for Niall, he's too much of a softy so he pretty much dramatizes the whole ordeal and Harry just wants to crawl into a corner and cry because of how horrifying the stories sound when it's Niall telling them and its not even when he's drunk – being Irish, it takes a lot to get him drunk so Harry doesn't even consider that desperate option. So, Zayn it is.

They're walking out of class and heading towards the lunch hall, and it takes from the door to the food line for Harry to notice that Louis is not there. Louis is always there before him, when they don't walk out of class together and Harry is always excited to get there in time to see Louis howling his name and beckoning him like he owned the entire cafeteria. However, there was no greeting this time, just a table with Niall and Barbara and Perrie.

''Where's Louis?'' he asks Zayn as they carry their trays and walk towards their usual table. Zayn doesn't say anything about the fact that Harry's tray is empty apart from a can of orange juice but when he stops grinning at Perrie and actually acknowledges what Harry just said, his brow frowns.

''That's strange.'' Zayn says as he pulls his phone out of his leather jacket and dials. Harry finds that strange that rather than saying something like 'they'll be here soon' or 'you're worrying too much', he just pulls out his phone.

''Are you calling Louis?'' Harry inquires, taking Zayn's tray and setting both of their trays on the table without sitting down. Niall is too busy laughing at whatever he and Barbara are watching on their phones but Perrie is looking at Zayn, all concerned.

''No.'' Zayn says as he dials again. And it makes Harry scared that Zayn is unabashedly not shrugging this off as something normal, that Liam and Louis are not just late for the sake of it, as Harry might have hoped. His worry peaks when Zayn dials a third time and he notices from the caller ID that Zayn is dialing Liam's number. Perrie stands up and turns towards them, getting her hand around Zayn's waist.

So, without saying a word, he slips from behind them and runs out the cafeteria, barely acknowledging that Zayn might be looking for him. He runs down the empty hallways and up the stairs to Louis' social studies class (he doesn't even feel embarrassed that he knows Louis' timetable by the letter). He counts the doors until he reaches the designated room and pulls the door open.

''It will be alright, Louis. C'mon.'' he hears Liam say before he even sees them. Louis is holding his legs to his chest as he sits almost crumpled-like on his chair, with his head on his knees. Liam is sitting on a chair pulled up close by his side, rubbing Louis' back up and down but Louis stays still and that just amplifies Harry's worry.

''Lou,'' he says as he rushes over. He sits in the chair in front of Louis' desk and caresses his hair but Louis doesn't acknowledge him, still so very wrapped in his own thoughts. Liam looks at Harry warily, not liking that he couldn't prevent Harry's intrusion because even though he knows that Harry knows now, he also knows that Louis doesn't like to be bare with his emotions in front of anyone.

''Lou, what's wrong, babe? Talk to me.'' Harry urges. Louis turns his head and stares at the window. His eyes are a dull blue and though Louis is too still, Harry sees fear made of steal in Louis' eyes.

''Louis, please.''

By now, Harry is tugging at his arms but Louis just moves it to his middle, like he fears he might explode all over the desk if he doesn’t contain his overbearing silence. Liam gets frustrated with Harry, thinks he is just making it worse.

''Harry, please get out of here, this is none of your concern.'' He starts but it gets a bad reaction from Harry.

''Fuck you, Liam!'' Harry flips. ''He is my friend too so don't fucking give me that 'none of your concern' shit.''

''Don't.'' And it surprises both lads when they realize its Louis who's spoken. He's now got his forehead back on his knees and his arms all over his head, trying to cover himself up and though his voice sounds muffled, they still hear him clearly. ''Be nice to each other, please.''

''I just don't think you want him here, Lou. That's all.'' Liam says contritely.

''I don't want you here either.'' And that flashes hurt all over Liam's face but then Louis continues. ''I don't want any of you to see me like this.''

Liam then softens and starts rubbing Louis' back again. Louis is still keeping himself to himself and its breaking Harry's heart to think that this is how Louis still reacts when he's in bad shape, taking it out on himself and keeping everything bottled up rather than turn to others for help.

''Lou baby, please tell me what happened.'' Harry begs softly, scratching the visible part of Louis' legs right under his knees because it’s the only thing visible.

''He found out.'' Louis blurts out as he pushes Harry's hands away when he gets his own around his knees and looks out the window again. Harry gets his hands on Louis' elbow, unabashedly full-on concerned.

''Wait, found out what? What are you talking about?''

Louis sighs as he pulls his head back and leans it against the glass of the window and it makes Harry wonder how Louis could look so tired and too young at the same time.Liam keeps rubbing his back but his eyes are sad too because it seems like even after all the time they've been friends, maybe he still doesn't have a handle on how to deal with Louis' problems and that just furthers Harry's sadness about the whole thing, that maybe his problems will always be too much and no matter the promises they keep, in the end, all they can offer is some back rubbing and mere presence.

Harry doesn't know what to do about that, wonders how on earth can he help if the great Liam Payne cannot. He looks back at Louis who has never looked so unhappy and dull-colored and he wonders if maybe Louis could help it, he would cry but that maybe he's just been too strong for too long that he just can't cry anymore. The thought makes Harry feel like tearing apart.

''Nothing, Hazza, its not…'' Louis begins though his voice is dead and his voice is never dead when he says a Harry nickname, ever.

''No it's not nothing. Tell me.'' Harry interrupts. Louis sighs again, growing increasingly tired-looking and worn at the edges.

''He found out that I've been hiding money from him and he's coming to school right now to fetch me because he can't find the money at home.'' Louis says mechanically though he's in pieces and Harry feels sick because he knows its Louis' step-dad coming for him without the need for Louis to say it and flashes of those scars and scabs and bruises from weeks ago appear in Harry's mind and he feels sicker.

''He won't get you, Louis. We won't let him.'' Liam says sternly as he glances at Harry and Harry knows that this is practical Liam, the Liam who doesn't care about not being able to get the job done alone so long as he gets the job done and that amount of loyalty makes Harry want to double his own.

''Yes, Liam's right. Listen to me, Lou,'' Harry takes the chance to wind his fingers through Louis', holds them tight atop the desk, gripping it so as not to give Louis a chance to hide from him and looks him the eye. ''Whatever it is, we're here, we got you…''

''I don’t want you to do anything, Harry.'' Louis sounds so dead, it's terrifying, even now as he looks at Harry. His eyes are nothing the way they used to be, happy and carefree. They're dim and ashen like he's sunk to the bottom of the ocean. ''He's on his way right now and I'm going to go home with him and give him the money so he doesn't hurt me or use the girls as ransom for it. If you stop him, then he'll know you know and that will just make things worse for me and you don't want that, right?''

''No, but…'' Harry shakes his head desperately, trying to bottle up all that Louis has just revealed so that he can dwell on it later but Louis' holding unto Harry's long fingers with his little ones, finally reciprocating as he tries to make Harry understand.

''But nothing, darling, okay? I'm the one who's been working in that night club behind his back. I'm the one who's been sneaking back home after 3 am. How he found out, I have no idea and now I'm paying for it because hiding money from him is not something he can tolerate, okay? Even if all that money just goes to the girls because he doesn't feed them enough it's still okay. I understand. It's as simple as that.''

''Hell, no! You don't deserve to be punished for something like that. He's the one supposed to put food on the table, not you!'' Harry feels like he might tear at his hair from sheer frustration. Louis works so his sisters don't starve and his step-father spends most of the family money on beers and booze yet it's Louis' neck on the line?!!  

''Please, Harry.'' Louis says in quiet desperation and a little glint shines in his eyes which mean he's really yearning for Harry to understand but it’s a glint of fear not a loving emotion. ''This is the only way I can deal with this so don't try to tell me that what he's doing is wrong and that it doesn't make sense or else I'll lose my head. Please.''

''But I don't want him to hurt you.'' Harry is on the verge of tears and oops, they brim over against his better wishes.

''Baby, he won't.'' Louis turns soft and Harry wonders if Louis only comes alive when his friends are hurting and it just makes him want to cry more because Louis gives so much to everyone else but leaves nothing for himself in return. ''Not if I give him what he wants, okay? It's just money, he won't hurt me over this…''

And Harry doesn't get a chance to see if Louis is lying through his teeth in order to appease him because they've run out of time.

''Mr. Tomlinson?''

Louis immediately breaks free from Harry and stands up, like he's ready to go to battle or something. Harry wipes his face immediately and returns his eyes to Louis. He doesn't miss the shake in his legs as he pulls on his rucksack and holds unto the handles tight till his knuckles turn white. Mr. Sanders approaches them from the door.

''Yes?'' Louis says, faking a calm voice.

''Your dad is outside…''

''Step-dad.'' Both Liam and Harry interrupt almost viciously as they stand on either side of Louis. Liam at least had a little more tact but Harry was almost vehement. Mr. Sanders is a little taken aback so he focuses on Louis instead.

''Alright, well, here's your emergency slip,'' he hands Louis a piece of paper. ''Just get it signed by Miss Helen and off you go.''

''Yes, thank you.'' Louis nods at him acutely.

Mr. Sanders nods as well, looks at the two other boys awkwardly before splitting and leaving the room. Half way before the door closes completely, Zayn and Niall burst in, with fear in their eyes.

Harry can't take it anymore. He hugs Louis and takes a couple of deep breaths. Louis is stiff and doesn't acknowledge the hug and Harry knows by now it's because he wants to remain strong and not fall apart though he's very much willing, what with Harry's inviting embrace and open-comfort.

Behind Harry's back, Liam and Louis exchange a glance that says everything. Liam's eyes are nothing but courage, willing them to Louis and desperately hoping it transmits to him. Louis just nods slightly and thinks that one just knows a person too long that you know what he'll say before they even say it so he takes as much of Liam's courage as he can and commits them to heart, hopeful that he'll come out of his fix unscathed. He looks at Zayn next and absorbs his coolness, hoping it will help as well. He cannot look at Niall because Niall is all tears and pink-baby sweetness and he can't be all soft right now. He needs to be cold as ice and strong as stone.

Harry lets him go then and holds his face, not bothering to wipe the tears that have slipped from his baby-green eyes.

''I'll go to your place after school.'' Harry says as he sniffs. ''I'll wait outside your house and will be there until you tell me it's alright to sneak into your room. I'll take care of you. I'll be there all night, I swear.''

And though it’s a rush of words, Louis allows it this time because Harry looks on the verge of crumbling and he can't do that to him.

''Okay, but only when I tell you, yeah?'' he says and cannot disguise the tremble in his voice.

''Even then.'' Harry challenges hesitantly as another tear slips.

''Nothing's going to happen the way you think, Haz.'' Louis softens as he folds the slip of paper in his jeans pocket and holds unto Harry's wrists. He leans his forehead against Harry's and looks him straight in the eye.

By now, Liam's looking at the clock and he knows time's running out but he doesn't interrupt the two boys. Zayn is trying to think of a way out, keeps opening his mouth then closing it. Niall is just lost, looking between Liam and Zayn for some answers to this. He's good at giving Louis food and helping the boys help Louis but not be the leader, not be in charge. Louis doesn’t see any of this. He can only comfort Harry for now.

''I'll be perfectly alright as soon as I hand over the money and I'll probably just tell you to go home, yeah? You won't wait all night. I promise.''

''Don't make promises you can't keep.'' Harry mumbles. Louis flexes his jaws. He knows better than to lie to Harry so instead he kisses his cheek and Harry lets him, his hands now falling unto Louis' shoulders though Louis doesn't let go of him, moving his hands to the bent of Harry's elbows.

Louis kisses his nose, his forehead, his eyelids and his cheeks allover again until Harry's no longer crying.

''I'll see you soon then?'' Louis says, softer than ever, like he has just surrendered to his fate, accepted his lot in life and Harry hates that. Louis isn’t supposed to give up. He’s supposed to know what he’s doing and be unshaken by the world. But then again, he of all people should know that Louis is all softness and worry with barely enough outer shell to keep himself together. He needs unconditional support as much as Harry needs his. And Harry doesn’t even need to consider; of course Louis has his. He’ll have anything he needs from Harry, the instant he needs it, as long as he needs it. So Harry doesn't care if Louis means tonight or the next day because it doesn’t matter. He'll always want to see Louis.

''I’ll see you soon then.''

Harry cannot concentrate the rest of the day and he's pretty sure that neither can the boys. His teachers get frustrated with him but he's beyond caring. The boys offer to go with him to Louis' but he refuses. He knows that Zayn can't skip work as it’s the middle of the week and rush hour, that Liam has football practice and if Louis is not there then he has to be in charge, that Niall has his family from Ireland staying for a week so he can't miss out on some quality time with them. They give him multiple advices as they walk to the car park and its heart breaking because no one wants to go to their own devices. They all want to be with Louis. Harry fully understands that this is his responsibility for the day that he cannot let the boys down just as much as he can't let Louis down either. So he assures them multiple times, makes sure the emergency rucksack is in his back seat, that he's got all their numbers saved in his phone, even their work place numbers and home numbers as well. He's never been so worried.

Then he's driving. He doesn't put music on to keep his mind off Louis because he doesn't want that, he doesn't want to not think of Louis or what state he's in right now. He keeps his concentration on the road though because thoughts of Louis and blood are not doing well for his driving skills.

 

When he arrives, he sees Louis' step-dad's car parked. He drives past it and parks his car under this big old tree that's next to that girl's house, Eleanor was her name? He doesn't care. After he parks, he makes sure his phone is in his pocket before he walks out. He stands in front of Louis house for a minute, trying to listen in but the house is dead quiet. He feels a shiver run down his spine as he walks towards the side of the house where he knows he'll see Louis' window in the 2nd floor. The window's open but the rope's not there. Harry sighs. He checks his phone and wonders if he should call. It's been three hours since Louis left school and he's at his wits' end. So he dials.

Louis doesn't pick up. He dials again, all that while looking up at Louis' window, hoping that the boy will beckon him to climb up or something. But nothing.

He walks back to his car and gets ready to sit there all night just as he promised. He remembers to call his mom so he does, tells her he's staying over at a friend's place to study for this exam so he'll be home a little late. She offers to let Gemma fetch him or something but he turns down the offer, says he'll sleep over if it gets too late. He keeps it brief, doesn't want to miss a call from Louis so when he ends the call, he's calm and ready, fully alert.

After a couple of minutes, he sees a car approaching, a blue Toyota. He's vaguely confused about the familiarity of the car until he sees it being parked in front of neighbor girl's house and a fit brunette comes out of the driver's seat. He watches as Eleanor collects her school bag and her jacket before she closes the door and locks the car. However, before she heads to her front door, she looks back at Louis' house and there's an expression on her face that's close to wistfulness and sadness. Harry is only lucky that the huge leafy tree is keeping him hidden because he looks like a stalker right now but he can't help but think that maybe Louis' crush on her is perhaps being reciprocated.

Eleanor then turns around and walks to her house, unlocking the door and entering her humble abode without another glance back. Harry thinks she'll be a very lucky girl if Louis one day pops the question and asks her out.

 

Thoughts of Louis come rushing back in. He checks his phone every 5 minutes to see if he's received a call or something. He doesn't but it doesn't faze him. Instead he pulls out his homework and starts working on it. It gets a little dark so he pulls out the emergency flashlight from the gloves compartment and puts it to good use. He makes sure to write a copy for Louis after every paper, like as if he's doing his homework twice but differently so that the teachers won't think that Louis copied from Harry. After he's done with three subjects, he checks his phone. It's about 8 pm and still no call, no text. Nothing. He receives texts from the boys though, every hour and he doesn't have to see the look on their faces to know how worried and disappointed they are.

As he was about to start on his Russian revolution paper, he sees a flash and notices that the lights in Louis' house are on. He keeps his eyes on the house and the phone in his hands and waits. He knows there's movement going on but it's soft and quiet.

He waits.

 

He waits until its 10 pm and that's when the lights turn out. He can't wait anymore. Harry gets out of the car and he's already dialing. He walks to the side of the house and glares at Louis' window like he's going to burn holes through them.

 

Louis thinks he ought to get used to lying down on the floor by now, if not on the hard wooden panels then on the cold tiles in the kitchen. He thought he had grown immune to the cold and hard surface but no, not when his body was achy and straining for numbness.

He couldn't sleep, couldn't afford the luxury of shutting out the world so that the pain from his father's leather boots printed at his sides could go away. So his thoughts swirled, shifting here and there as boredom goes. He thought about his mom at one point, but that only made him hurt more, made the pain in his sides swell at her absence. If she were home, she had already mended him, carried his heavy bones to bed and tucked him under the covers. But she wasn't home so he stopped himself from dwelling too far. Ugh, his sides were throbbing.

He thinks about Harry as he stares at the dark, dusty mini-space between the panels of his wooden floor just near the corner of his eyes. Something glimmers a bit there, making Louis wonder if he's crying on the floor but maybe he just can't feel it.

He ought to worry about that, he thinks, that maybe he's losing touch with his senses, or maybe he's just lost too much blood. He doesn't know if he's panicking and that he just can't feel that either. He remains numb, glad that he can finally welcome said sensation.

He thinks about Harry's curls, how nice they are to the touch. He likes how familiar it is to the palm of his hands now but then he thinks its weird thinking about his best mate's hair. Then again, he's too bored and too hurt to control his thoughts.

He imagines the way Harry's hair would look right now, all mussed up and crackling, ringlets of curls exploding everywhere, forming a swirl of clouds on his head. He decides he likes Harry's hair a lot, thinks it's bloody wicked, unlike his hair, all limp and thin.

He likes Harry's hair when he kisses it too and takes a breath, takes a whiff of Harry's cinnamon-scented shampoo that is just so Harry. He cannot help but feel fond of the boy even in that simple act of kissing Harry's head because he thinks the boy needs it sometimes, needs someone to keep him grounded. He just likes Harry a lot.

He likes his green eyes, likes how big they become when too much emotions light up his emerald irises and truly, those eyes can encompass a lot; love, happiness, laughter and an ever so slight tinge of adoration. Even in anger, fury and sadness, Harry's eyes are still beautiful. Louis actually likes it when Harry gets angry because as weird as it sounds, Louis can see the care there, that the anger is not directed at him. But Louis likes it better when Harry's happy and that's why he never ceases to try to make him laugh.

He wonders if he's ever seen a guarded look in Harry's eyes, something other than pure unadulterated 24/7 honesty, but no. Harry's eyes are like an open book, filled with stories and tales just waiting to be told. He thinks that Harry's eyes betray him a lot, that maybe he has too much in store there, too much emotion that it wasn't enough to brim over the people he touches but has to spread deep within those he loves and encompass them.

God, did Louis love him a fair amount. He'd do anything for Harry and its terrifying how much he's sure, even without knowing why, how much Harry is willing to go infinite lengths for him.

Louis then thinks of when he left Harry in that classroom, all tears and puppy-dog eyes and he hates it, hates that he brought tears to those eyes that were not meant for sadness. That is why Louis doesn't understand it, doesn't understand that desperation in Harry's eyes that's terrifying in its openness, truly begging him not to go when all Louis was doing was hurting him. He wonders now if he's made the mistake of not staying where his friend needed him to be. But it's too late for that.

He tries to shift but then he gasps and has to bite down on his shoulder to stifle a scream. He knows he's no longer bleeding but it doesn't mean he's comfortable with the dried red liquid all over his skin where he knows he's got fresh bruises blooming. He can feel some wetness between his legs and his stomach, underneath his shirt at both his sides and his back. He tries so hard not to let an inch of his clothes move because when they touch his skin or even so much as fold off his scrapes, he feels like he's being torn. He tries even harder to keep his legs closed because it doesn't feel comfortable where his thighs rub against each other.

He feels disgusted. He's trying to suppress the very possible fact that he may have wetted himself amidst his father's onslaught and that the heat stuck to his skin is more because of his piss than his skin rubbing against each other. Yeah, he suppresses a lot of things a lot of the times and he prefers it that way.

He wills himself to think of Harry again as this boy is the only good thing in his life right now. Sure, the other boys are stars in his dark sky too but he's needed them for too much that he finds it about time to stop being so dependent. He wishes he could do the same with Harry because he knows he'll just drag him down too, have him worry double-time like Liam whom he's sure might have gray hair before he turns twenty. Still, he thinks of Harry, big, sarcastic and charismatic Harry that is just too lovely to even consort with him, let alone be his best mate.

He thinks of his low husky voice, the way it sounded when they were talking on the phone that one night when he was 'mom-sick'. He thinks Harry has a rock-quality to his voice, even though it floats just below the lull of a conversation sometimes. He thinks of the way Harry used that voice to comfort him on the rooftop when he gave into his mournful thoughts and felt like the vast world was closing in on him. He wonders if Harry does it out of pity because if so then that's okay, he's desperate enough to take it. Yet, the way Harry comforted him that day made Louis feel that he genuinely cares and it frustrates Louis because why on earth would anyone put himself down to a huge gulp of sadness that is Louis' life? It should go without saying that boys with beautiful green eyes and soft voices and curly hair should not take part in shadows and darkness, as corny as that may sound.

He only wants Harry to be happy, the way any teen should be. Except him, of course; Louis knows that not everybody gets a fair share in life but he knows that Harry deserves his good share a fair amount and he won't envy him for it.

 

Louis thinks of Harry's smiles now, the way his smile moves in slow motion, working its way across his face. He does that a lot, Louis thinks, his grins never quite reaching their full capacity as they curl lazily across his mouth. He thinks of that movie, the one that had Tad Hamilton written in its title, something about six or seven different smiles and thinks that Harry has thousands of them even though he can only name a few. Like if a tiny smile quirked at the side of his mouth, it's because he's being complemented. He has a soft one where he takes his happiness and wraps it around him like he wants to drown in its embrace, a smile that is not accompanied by words which means he's being cherished and loved. His morning smiles, half contented and a little bit drowsy along with hooded eyes which means he's still trying to wake up, even when they're already in class. He also has this smile that sometimes makes Louis wonder if maybe Harry could see a different world than the rest of them, where the colors were just a little bit brighter and sweet things just a little more sweet. Louis thinks that Harry is simply, a good, gentle and sweet, caring boy that is too lovely for Louis' world.

He thinks of all the other little things he likes about Harry; the cut of his shoulders and how it looks when he wears blazers on nights out at the pub, his dimples; deep like a well when they emblazon his cheeks, the jut of his hips when he moves about with confidence, how the littlest things make him happy like apple pies and cupcakes and just people that are nice. How the Harry he placed in his heart is like a symbol of hope that maybe if he keeps himself anchored to Harry's promises of always being there for him, his urges to lean on him when he's weak, that maybe his decaying dreams and quiet surrender to his fate could somehow dissolve and build anew.

At some point, Louis' thoughts tire him and boredom has taken a heavy shape. Something strange happened to time: hours seemed to pass him by in a single steady beat. Even seconds seemed to last for years. He was growing number, maybe because he's forgotten to close his window and the air around him was chilling and cold. However, he was losing track of everything; nothing had any meaning for him anymore – except, of course, for Harry, whom he tries not to stop thinking about.

His phone vibrates again, near his head where his school bag is. He doesn't answer it, too weak to move his limbs. But then he hears a tap, and then a second one. He's been numb the first time but that second one, as light a thud it was compared to the first, pulled him right out of it. He gave a tiny little gasp and started to cry because shit, that's got to be Harry! Shaking all over, he starts to regain feeling in his tired bones and it's not a good thing because his sides are starting to throb again.

 _I must look aweful,_ he thinks. He'd been sobbing discontinuously and his eyes must be red and sore and his chest hurt whenever he sniffed.

Then that third tap goes straight into his room and lands on the wooden floor. Almost instantly, tears spurted uncontrollably down his face and he wished he had the strength to swat impatiently at them. However, he does find the strength to reach for his phone from inside his bag just near his head. He sees Harry's number, a couple of missed calls from the boys and a dozen more from the curly-haired lad light up his screen. He decides to dial Harry’s number, trying not to let the swelling in his heart take too much space in his already pained chest. He tries not to choke on his tears because just the simple act of moving is taking too much from him. He doesn't know if he should tell Harry to go away or climb through his window. But then his unease grows and grows into a roiling knot in the pit of his stomach as he thinks with horror about his step-father waking up from the tapping. He dials immediately, thinks about sending Harry away even though he knows that having someone to hold his hand, whether physically or metaphorically, will help him feel reassured.  

 


	7. Sheltered from the storm that's raging on

''C'mon, Lou. Pick up.'' Harry mutters to himself.

But nothing, absolutely fucking nothing.

He stomps his foot impatiently as he dials again, not taking his eyes off the window.

It's dark and cold and he's chilling a little bit but he doesn't give up. So rather than dialing a third time, he looks around, feels the ground, picks up a couple of pebbles then takes an aim. The window is open so he goes for the wall near it and throws, hoping the sound will rattle Louis' attention. The stone thuds and falls back on the ground.

He takes another aim and this time it hits the curtain softly before falling back down, almost hitting him in the head.

He takes a third aim and because he's too frustrated, it doesn't hit the wall but rather it wheezes past the curtains and straight into Louis' room. He gasps at the noise it makes as it has obviously landed on something hard and wooden. Harry holds his breath, hopes that his rescue mission has not been aborted by his stupidity.

He doesn't know how long he waits before the wheels in his head are moving again, thinking of a way to get to Louis. He doesn't know how much time passes until his phone starts vibrating.

He's startled, scared shitless by it and pulls it out with shaking fingers till it drops on the ground. But when he sees Louis' name on the screen, he rushes for it, dropping on his knees as he picks it up and hits the green button.

''Lou?'' his voice comes off as an urgent whisper.

''Please don't tell me you're outside.'' Louis' voice is tired and ragged.

''I am, I promised you, didn't I? Are you crying?'' Harry asks as he stands up and looks at the window. It’s a full minute and a thousand daggers to Harry's chest before he gets a broken reply.

''Yes…''

“Oh my God, Lou.” Harry hurts for him. “I want to hug you.''

''I…I think you'd better go home, Ha..Haz. I'm not…not in my best shape…right now.'' Louis says through gritted teeth and Harry just knows he's in extreme pain.

''No, I'm coming up. Is he asleep?''

''Haz, please…''

''Goddamnit, Louis. I.Am.Not.Leaving. You hear me?''

There's a pause. Harry thinks his throat is going to get sour from whisper screaming if Louis tries to send him away again.

''He’s asleep but I...I can't…I can't put down the rope for you, I…''

''It's okay, I'll climb, alright? Give me 5 minutes. Okay?''

''Okay…'' Louis sighs tiredly, like he's out of breath.

''I love you and I’ll be right there with you okay?''

''You love me…''

''I love you. Just wait for me, okay?''

Louis just whimpers and it takes Harry a lot of physical strength to rip the phone from his ear and get himself moving. Harry doesn't hang up. He puts his phone in his pocket before he runs like a madman towards his car. He'd forgotten to lock it up but he doesn't care. He picks up the emergency rucksack and the flashlight before closing the door of the car a little too harshly. He wears the rucksack on his back and puts the flashlight in his jacket pocket along with his phone. He looks up at the thin-looking tree that vaguely looks like the tree Jacob Black climbed in New Moon before putting his hands against the bark. It takes more strength than he thought necessary to climb and he vows never to trust movies again with how easy they make everything seem.

After a couple of maneuvering here and there, he finally reaches Louis' window. He gets himself on the ledge, crawls a little bit then he gets one leg through the window to keep him balanced. He takes off the rucksack and gets it in first before he ducks and pulls his other leg in.

''Please be quiet, please…'' he hears a panicked whisper coming from the floor.

''Lou.'' He can't see shit so he drops to the floor and follows the whimpering until his hands land on something soft. He registers the smell of blood and something a bit aweful, like salt maybe but he can hardly care because he's touching Louis.

''Ah,'' Louis moans at the contact.

''I'm sorry! Shit.'' Harry panics. If he can't touch Louis, let alone see him then how can he help him?

In a brief moment of silence, he pulls out the flashlight then changes his mind because he doesn't know how bright the light could be and how much trouble he could get in if Louis' step-dad gets woken up by it. So he squints at the dark and sees the out- line of Louis' figure, huddled on the floor and trying to be quiet. Harry can feel him shaking and he can only imagine how long he's been on the floor like this. He has to do something and fast.

''Okay, okay. Listen, Lou. Just leave everything to me, okay? Don't say anything. Just give me a minute.'' He whispers.

He doesn't wait for Louis to reply as he crawls towards the rucksack under the window and pulls out the blanket. He then uses it to cover the flashlight before he turns it on. The light is dim but it's enough to see Louis. The boy is crumpled on the floor, a shaking mess. There's a duvet over him, dragged half-way from Louis' bed but just enough to cover Louis' lower half. Louis has his face squashed to the floor, gritting his teeth and crying.

''Harry…''

He doesn't need to be called twice. He leaves the flashlight on the floor then wears the rucksack again before he approaches Louis, doing his best not to cry too.

''I'm here, babe. Tell me where you're hurt.''

''I…I don't know. My sides hurt.''

''What else, baby?''

''My back, my…'' his sob hitches.

''Your neck? Your head?''

''I don't know…'' Louis is about to cry again.

''Okay, okay. I've still got to check though. Can you let me do that?''

''I'm not bleeding, not anymore. And no broken bones, I promise.''

''Louis, I don't care if I have to sneak you to a hospital, I'm not going to let you bleed to death…''

''Harry, please just believe me.'' Louis cries desperately. ''I just need something for the pain, anything.''

''Okay, love, I believe you, I promise.’’ Harry says quickly, not wanting to rile Louis up into a fit of desperation. ‘’And, I've got painkillers but just let me get you to the bed and you can sleep there, okay? I won't leave you and…''

''No, you have to. By 5 you have to, that's when he wakes up.'' Louis tilts his head a bit and Harry is sure there's a black eye there. He tries not to focus on that for now.

''Okay, 4:45, I'm out but only down at my car. I won't leave you. Sounds good?''

Louis just nods as he closes his eyes and breaths out a shuddery breath. Harry wonders if he can help him breath.

Harry puts the rucksack along with the flashlight on the bed-side table, making sure it's facing the bed and not the door. He tries to find the right approach to getting Louis on the bed. He takes a deep breath and gets his arm under Louis' neck until its encompassing his upper back. Louis flinches at his touch and Harry can feel his skin, cold and clammed and sweaty.

''Shh, shh, I won't hurt you. I promise.'' Harry whispers, lips moving against Louis' cool forehead as he pulls the smaller boy up halfway and Louis moans, his fingers seizing up where they're holding his sides, digging into them and Harry can only imagine how much his sides really hurt. The duvet falls away from Louis and Harry is ever more struck by Louis' small frame and how on earth can anyone dare hurt such a little thing.

Louis remains huddled in Harry's arms, not shying away though his face is agonized. Harry mutters sweet little nothings to him, his lips caressing his cheek and not putting pressure on it for fear of probing Louis' black eye which he can see now, spread across his cheek, looking all swollen and bad under his fringe. Harry gets his blanket to cover Louis then gets his other hand under Louis' knees and carries him with gentleness.

Louis' body is freezing and Louis is still all trembling. He hides his face in Harry's neck, pushing his cold skin against his warm one there, and biting his lips, probably to keep himself from screaming and Harry is doing his best to be quick so as not to keep touching the parts of Louis he's hurting. He keeps whispering to him gentle little things until finally he's on the bed.

‘’keep holding me.’’ Louis urges. ‘’Don’t leave me.’’

Harry never intended to do so in the first place but regardless, he kisses Louis’ forehead and assures him he'll just close the window then be right back. He leaves him on the bed then as fast as he can; he closes the window shut before returning to him. He carries Louis like he's carrying a new-born baby, picking him up with all the gentleness he can muster. He reaches out for the blanket that fell off and the duvet, wrapping them both tight around Louis. He reaches for the rucksack and works with one hand so as to keep the other firm around Louis' shoulders. Louis is all shudders of fear and stress and horror and Harry's fingers are shaking as they unzip the rucksack and pull out a plastic bottle of painkillers and a liter-sized bottle of water. Louis is pretty much sobbing by now. Harry doesn't stop his own tears either and he tries to work faster through them.

''It hurts. Do something.'' Louis whimpers as he begs.

''I know, baby. I'm working on in. It's okay, everything will be okay. I'm your angel, right? I'll take care of you. I'll take good care of you. You'll be fine, darling. Just stick with me and you'll be as good as new. I love you so much, Louis, so very much.''

Louis cries some more that Harry's neck is slick with tears by now, but he doesn’t mind at all. He finally gets two pills out, holds it with the hand around Louis and the water bottle ready, steadying it by his hip. He tilts Louis' chin with his free hand. His thumb brushes his lower lip and he can feel how chapped and dry they are. Harry thinks that Louis probably didn't eat anything since he arrived back home and though he shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach, Harry realizes with a heavy heart that he doesn't have food with him. He tries not to think about that as he takes the two pills.

''Open up, babe. C'mon.''

Louis is all obedient though more shuddery breaths leave his mouth, hitting Harry skin's with hot ragged puffs. Harry puts the two pills in Louis' mouth, then holds the water bottle to his trembling lips so he can swallow. Some water seeps out so Harry wipes Louis' chin with the duvet. Louis rests his forehead against Harry's chin after, as Harry caps the bottle of water and pills back. Harry is too desperate to make him feel okay, as he feels Louis' shallow breaths against his neck. He cups his face almost desperately and kisses all over him, the way Louis did back in school, while whispering endless assurances.

‘’It’s okay, love. It’s all good. You’re safe now, baby. You’re good. You’re so good. You’re safe with me, I promise.’’

He can feel the sweat sticking to Louis' forehead underneath his lips, the salt of Louis' tears, the puffy bruise of Louis' black eye, obviously spread even further down his cheekbone. Harry kisses that sweetly, softly, almost just brushing above it. Louis makes a desperate sound, needing the comfort so urgently that Harry doesn't stop because he knows Louis is about to cry again.

''Shh, don't say anything, it's over now, he's not going to hurt you tonight, you're safe. I've got you.''

He goes to kiss Louis on the lips and it's affectionate and not romantic. It's cold and wet and has an underlying dose of desperation, from Harry wanting to comfort Louis the best he could to Louis needing it so badly because he's hurting too much. He places two swift kisses on his lips before he kisses the tip of his nose then lets Louis rest his head back against Harry's shoulder. Harry puts the water bottle and the pills on the bed side table, turns off the flashlight and winds both arms around Louis, making sure he stays clear of his waist. He doesn't mind the dark and thinks it's safer for Louis this way, puts him at more ease and less fear of his step-father on the other side of the house. He moves against the headboard a bit to hold Louis more comfortably and puts his chin on Louis' head.

''Thank you, so much.'' Louis says raggedly, still trembling, his words broken in two.

''Of course, Lou. Anything.''

''I'm sorry I lied to you. You knew he'd hurt me, didn’t you?'' Louis asked miserably.

''No, I didn't. I don't know what happened.'' Harry hedges.

''I gave him the money.''

Harry tries to peer at him as he spoke. Louis looks so small and fragile with his eyes closed. He's tucked up in the sweater he wore to school that day, an old Jack Wills sweater that Harry remembers giving to him a few nights ago after a match, which is a bit big for him. Harry can also feel something wet printing against his pants and that smell from the floor is somehow close too but it hardly takes his attention because Louis' smell takes over, even if it’s a little bit masked by cold, sweat and blood. His hands on his sides are almost covered by the sleeves. His hair is mussed, and his cheeks are drained. If this was normal, Harry would've fallen for his adorable appearance, and began cuddling him tighter. But Louis' expression is one of terror and exhaustion.

''I gave him what I had and I didn't tell him that my savings were with Liam because that would just spiral down badly. I thought what I gave him was enough but he said that it wasn't, that he knows how long I've been working there and that I should have more by now. I told him I spent it on the girls -which is true,'' he looks at Harry at this and Harry nods, believing him right away. ''I told him that I wasn't doing it for myself but that just blew everything out of proportion.'' Louis sniffed, wiping his face with his sleeve and ducking down. He sounded breathless. ''Accused me of being an ingrate, of being greedy, of not being satisfied by what he's giving us, that his strictness is a form of discipline and that I'm spoiling the girls rotten. He was so angry.''

''I'm sorry.'' Harry doesn't know what to say.

''He started to threaten me,'' Louis continued, like he didn't hear. ''Said he'll kick me out of the house but I swear, Harry, I swear I didn't have the money and I didn't want Liam in trouble for it.''

''I believe you, Lou. He's the monster.'' Harry says assuredly, confident that there are more words to describe the cruelty that is Louis' step-father but he doesn't go digging for it. He's here to comfort Louis, nothing else.

''He'd already trashed my room so when I didn't give him answers, he went on to trash the girls' room, thought I'd hidden the money in their clothes or something but I couldn't have that, I couldn't allow him to destroy what little beautiful things they had so I stopped him. I shouldn't have stopped him.'' Louis said, his voice small and Harry can feel the terror in his voice.

''God, he was so mad.'' Louis then started sobbing again and it was so hard to know he was hurting, Harry briefly thinks, that there was nothing he could do to make it better at that moment. Harry wishes he could hold Louis tighter so he just pressed Louis closer to him, tries to find the words to say.

''I'm so sorry, baby. You don't deserve that. You don't.'' he kisses Louis' hair and shushes him so he doesn't sob too much. Louis can somehow feel the exact same way as Harry, wants to be closer to him so he frees one of his arms, the one against Harry and wraps it around Harry's waist, curling tighter against him but it makes his side press against Harry's abdomen and it makes him wince.

“Ah. Ow,” he says, starting to cry again. “Haz,” he whimpers and just that one word speaks his pain, relief, fear. He needs Harry to keep him safe, to care about him and care for him, but he can’t say it because this is too much, so much more that what he thinks he deserves. Harry can tell all of this by now, even though he isn’t sure how. After all this time, Louis still thinks that Harry is too good for him so Harry knows what to say back without even thinking about it.

“Loubear, I’m here. I love you and I'm here for you. As long as you need me, as long as you want me, I'm here. I promise.”

Louis can’t stop sobbing and he's trying to stifle it against Harry's shoulder that his whole being is shuddering and Harry is afraid he might be suffocating himself against the fabric of his shirt. But Louis can't stop, he hasn’t stopped since Harry touched him and Harry thinks offhand that maybe he never will, because he never did this before, never cried like this in front of Harry ever. And if before, Harry thought that Louis has been too strong for too long that he can't even cry anymore, well now, he thinks that he's been beaten down too much that he's become too broken to stop himself from crying. Harry fears that he’ll never be the happy, carefree Louis that Harry first met and idolized. And even more terrifyingly, Harry thinks he might be okay with this Louis anyways.

''Aren't the painkillers gonna work?'' Louis complains as he sniffs.

''Well, how bad are you hurt?'' Harry asks, ashamed of not bringing something stronger for Louis' physical injuries.

''He kicked me a lot, used his belt. I don't know.''

Harry makes an accidental sound, kind of a wounded groan that he’s embarrassed about, but Louis seems to understand so he adds quickly. ''But nothing broken, though. I know what that feels like so don't worry, please.''

''God!'' Harry can't help but groan again. Louis is too hurt and he thinks it's okay that at least nothing's broken? It shouldn't be like this.

''Hazza baby, please, I know, okay? I understand. Just, hold me? Please? I want that. You can give me that, yeah?''

''Yeah, Lou, anything you want.'' Harry holds him tight around the shoulders where he's sure that Louis' hurt but not so much as he can obviously stand it enough to let Harry hold him. Louis puts his arm back around his own waist but presses closer than possible against Harry as if trying to merge into him.

''You still love me?'' he says as he calms down a bit from his sobbing.

''Of course, Louis. Don't even think of anything else.'' Harry thinks he sounds possessive but he doesn't care. He can't think of anything aside from caring about Louis and loving him right now.

''But I'm cold and gross.'' Louis says, ashamed.

''You're handsome and beautiful and this doesn't change how great I think you are. Ever.'' Harry believes in this so much because there are so many things he'd rather not think about, rather close his eyes to because it's too much for him to handle yet Louis feels all of them and though he's barely holding on, he still is somehow. Maybe because I'm here, Harry thinks and God, he hopes in some small amount, that even though he's scared shitless, that he's somehow helping and that his presence is meaning a lot to Louis at that moment.

Louis stays silent then, tucked under Harry's chin and crying a little more but they’re quiet tears now. Harry loves him being so close, but he kind of hates it, too, because close means that he can feel the way Louis is shuddering, feel how he tenses, hurting whenever he takes a deep breath. He can feel the way Louis skin is disgustingly sticky. But Harry loves him anyways, hoping that their closeness will soon warm Louis up. ''You'll stay with me…until before he wakes up?'' Louis asks timidly after a while. Harry can tell he wants to sleep because his voice sounds droopy.

''Yes, Lou. Even after that, after he's gone.'' Harry assures him. ''Just sleep, alright?''

Louis nods under him and Harry cards his fingers through his hair with smooth, languid brushes, helping him relax. The shudders and sobbing were wearing Louis down so Harry knows it's not long till he falls asleep.

''I love you.'' Louis says, his words a tired blur.

''I love you too, precious. Forever.'' Harry is quick to answer because he has no doubt for this to be true.

Louis nods a second time before he finally dozes off. Harry kisses his forehead one two three times, even pecks his lips again for the sake of it and keeps holding him after, not once closing his eyes, not once letting his arms falter. He puts his face in Louis' feathery hair and breathes him in, his 'Louisness' and kisses him in the forehead just once more.

It's hard not to be affectionate with Louis, especially when he's like a small scared animal, all hurt and wounded. Harry likes that they're best friends, that they've wormed up to each other the way they did because it's made them ridiculously close and he likes it but he also likes when they step into the blurred lines between them where they're somehow one that Harry doesn't know where he ends and where Louis begins. Sure, he gets worried all the time now and whenever Louis is on his way to the front door of his house, Harry gets genuinely crestfallen as he watches him go or when Louis is away from him in school, he sometimes freaks out but then there are times when Louis helps him with his French, tells the waitress to add extra lettuce in his salad like he's memorized that little tidbit by heart, buys him a strawberry milkshake just because he knows Harry likes them, hugs him when he's happy, caresses his curls when Harry makes a bad joke just to indulge him, laughs with him not at him when he's making a fool of himself, listens to him patiently, smiles when he smiles and sings to him when Harry asks.

He sees the way Louis is with the others too, so encompassing and kind, warm and loving, ridiculous and funny, a leader and a source of strength, a friend in the most honorable way possible, in a way that he's a lot like those concepts that have died long ago yet very present and natural in the way he is. That's why Harry hates that he's hurting, with a deep ache in his heart because Louis is just too lovely, so easily ruined and easily taken advantage of by his step-father.

Harry’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He doesn’t take it out but peers at it so the light doesn’t wake Louis up. It’s Zayn and Harry waits for the call to end so he can text him. When that happens, he sends a message to all the boys saying he’s got Louis and that he’s staying with him. He doesn’t elaborate on the details, sure they’ll understand. Zayn texts Harry;

_Bring Louis to my house tomorrow. Am skipping school. Niall and Liam will attend for us and will come later, ok?_

Harry replies back;

_No prob_

He looks at the time before he tucks his phone in. It’s only been two hours, a little after midnight. He hopes Louis will sleep a good measure.

Louis doesn’t sleep for more than thirty minutes. Harry was starting to get used to the silence when he looked down at Louis. He sees him muttering soundless words at first but then they become audible though nothing above a whisper.

‘’Mama, mum…’’

And Harry aches at this, aches that even in his dreams, Louis is thinking about her, longing for her motherly and tender care, yearning for something that Harry can never give, never equate to.

But he caresses Louis’ hair and kisses his forehead, hoping that it will help calm Louis down from his thoughts that are keeping him restless and disturbing his peace.

And at first it works. Louis would nod off sometimes against Harry’s chest, head suddenly getting heavy as he stops holding it against Harry’s shoulder. But that never lasts though, as he starts muttering again, sometimes keening, and sometimes crying even though he’s asleep.

Harry never stops his ministrations, his lips constantly moving, cooing and ‘shhing’ hoping that his words are seeping into Louis’ subconscious and dragging him under. But as the night progresses, the harder it gets for Louis to calm down.

‘’Mummy, mum, stay, please, don’t leave, please,’’ Louis starts muttering for the umpteenth time, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Harry fears that his friend might be hallucinating, his injuries and the painkillers doing a number on him. As Harry rubs his upper back and tries to calm him down, Louis starts awake this time, flinching and crying out. Harry has to close his hand over his mouth because they can’t afford to make any loud noises. But the flinching caused Louis to move and that drew out sounds that were sheer agony. Harry can feel fresh tears tipping over his hand but that’s normal now as the tears down Louis’ face never seemed to have stopped completely; new ones keep slipping out because he’s somehow still hurting too much, whether physically or emotionally, although more of the latter it seems from the way Louis is shaking again from the remnants of his dream. Harry’s stomach twists as he feels Louis cringing, realizing belatedly that there’s a hand over his mouth. When Louis looks up at him in terror, Harry is already whispering. He knows that if Louis tries to run from him, he’ll just hurt himself in the process.

‘’Shh baby, shh, you’re okay. I’m here, Hazza’s here. You’re okay, sunshine. You're okay.’’ Harry whispers against his hand still over Louis’ mouth and it’s supposed to be helping but it’s not. He doesn’t know what to do, hold Louis tight or leave him alone. He continues whispering and kissing Louis’ eyelids, hoping he’s helping. Then he feels heat from Louis’ skin, obviously flushing from embarrassment so when he pulls back he feels fresh tears tipping over his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispers against Harry’s palm, his little hands shaking as they hold Harry's wrist. He's properly horrified. Harry relinquishes his hold and wraps it around Louis’ shoulder. Only then does he feel something warm soaking his pants and he wonders if that’s what Louis is apologizing for.

‘’It’s okay, I’m not leaving you. It’s okay.’’ He whispers to Louis’ hair, trying to worry about his best mate there in his lap, trembling all over again rather than his piss seeping through his skinny jeans. Harry holds him tighter, almost too tight, not wanting him to feel embarrassed because he knows it’s too much for Louis to handle right now. But he does hold him too tight and Louis gasps and bites his lip to keep himself from crying out, and he tries to turn into Harry’s chest, to cuddle into it as he has so many times in the back seat of Zayn’s car, but even that hurts too much.

“Ah, Haz,” he says plaintively, begging for Harry to do something and Harry has to wonder if the painkillers were working at all.

“Shit I’m so sorry.’’ Harry says as he loosens his grip a bit. But then he feels more uncomfortable warmth touching the skin of his legs and he’s disgusted but Louis is trying to make himself small from how ashamed he is, that he can’t control his own bladder and that he’s pissing on his best mate. Louis is too lost for words, mortified yet in pain at every movement. Harry cannot, not want to comfort him.

‘’I know, okay? I know, I’m so sorry, Boobear. I’m so sorry.” Harry kisses his cheek urgently, closing his eyes to try and regain some composure at this, try to ignore the smell. He feels so guilty, holding Louis tight like that, making him lose what little control he had over his body and putting him through more pain. He convinces himself that the painkillers have got to be working somehow if they’ve made Louis drowsy and that there’s more to this than just physical injuries because there’s no medicine out there that can help deal with terror or fright, not that Harry knows anyway. So he tries to remain calm but when Louis whimpers very softly, he slowly starts to cry for him.

‘’Just breathe, darling.’’ He says regardless of his own needs as he bats his eyelashes to drive the tears away. He needs to be strong not a crying mess, he needs to ignore the disgust he feels in his pants and tend for Louis. ‘’In and out, just breathe, c’mon.’’

Louis does just that, for maybe ten minutes. Harry never stops kissing his hair, hoping that it makes Louis realize that he’s not really appalled by him, that he still respects him, loves him anyways.

After another ten minute, Louis settles back into Harry, trying to get comfortable like he hasn’t figured out the heartbreaking fact that he probably won’t be that tonight, or for the next couple of days, no matter how many painkillers he takes and also depending on his injuries.

“Good, little one, keep it up.’’ Harry says when Louis’ breathing is no longer shallow and scared. ‘’Just breathe.”

Louis continues to do that, breathing hot puffs of air into Harry’s chest in calm surrender.

‘’I’m so sorry.’’ Louis whispers raggedly and it breaks Harry’s heart. All he wants is to cuddle Louis, love him, hold him close to his chest so he can’t hear his own heartbeat, but if he touches him the way he wants to, he’ll only hurt him and he doesn’t want that. Harry wipes his eyes off Louis' hair, making it seem like he's nuzzling into it and it somehow comforts Louis being tended to that way.

‘’Nothing to be sorry about, bud.’’ Harry assures him as he caresses his cheek. ‘’I’m not mad and you’re not okay now but you will be, I promise.’’

Louis nods. He turns his head and kisses Harry’s chest, near the hollow of his neck.

‘’I want to sleep.’’ He says.

“You go right ahead,” Harry assures him, putting his hand back in Louis’ hair. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

So Louis huddles closer to Harry, feeling anxiously for the warmth of Harry and he doesn’t talk. In a few minutes, he’s nodded off again, so exhausted that he can’t keep awake but Harry has to wonder how difficult it must be, to be tired but not able to sleep because of too much terror and too much thoughts.

For a while, Harry cards his long fingers through Louis' brown feathery hair, pets it here and there until his hand feels smoother from touching it for so long. He thinks maybe he should sing Louis a lullaby but refrains as he needs to be quiet as much as possible. That’s when he realizes that Louis’s been asleep for a solid hour, and that he’s showing no sign of waking up.

“Good, my darling, good,” Harry murmurs. He’s a bit stiff from his position so he puts his rucksack under one arm and a pillow tucked under the other so his arms keep holding Louis. He puts an alarm on his phone, set to ring at 4:30 just in case before he leans his head on Louis’ and closes his eyes. It’s a little cold and smelly, but with Louis in his lap, he doesn’t care.

 

At 4:30 am, Harry’s phone buzzes by his hip. He wakes in a jolt, suddenly alert when he realizes it’s just his alarm. He groggily pulls it out, keeping one hand on Louis’ ear so the beeping sound doesn’t wake him up and silences his alarm. He rubs at his eyes and tries to take in his surroundings. It’s less chilly than it was last night and there’s dull light streaming through the room. He wants to take it in, see what Louis’ room is like, but there’s no time. Besides, if it’s trashed as Louis says, then there’s no point in looking.

He looks down at the boy in his lap, completely conked out. In the bleak light of morning, he sees Louis’ features clearly. There are lavender circles around his eyes, his skin is pale and not shiny tanned. The bruise on the side of his face looks hideous and ugly black, spread from his brow to just above the jaw.

Harry wishes he could kiss it away and not have it covered with make-up the way he knows Louis does so he can show up to school looking decent. He can only imagine how hard that is, stealing make-up from the drama props to maintain more than just appearance, hold unto a little bit of dignity befitting the title of 'golden boy'. Harry wishes he could go to the nearest gun store and kill Louis’ step-father in his sleep.

He doesn’t though because he knows he needs to get up and ready, so with a heavy-heart, he starts to get moving. Working with one hand again, he puts the bottle of water and pills back in his rucksack. He then slowly reaches out to put the rucksack on the floor but that’s when he notices.

There’s blood on the floor.

Correction; there’s blood on the floor where he found Louis.

 

Harry is surprisingly calm as he sits back against the headboard. Breathing through his mouth, he looks back at the small boy in his lap. He swallows and takes a deep breath as he pulls away the blanket a bit, not wanting the slight chill to reach Louis. Harry only wanted to check on his sides but what he sees blows his eyes wide.

It was dark so of course he didn’t notice but now, as he takes a look at Louis’ skinny faded-blue jeans, the same one that he’d worn the previous day to school, Harry sees the blood. It is spread all over Louis’ lower area, splotches of red smeared over his crotch, sideways below his hips and half-way down his thighs. The blue of his jeans is now murky maroon and the stench is now worse. Harry peers over and sees that even the purple bed sheet under Louis’ bum, between his legs is soaked red.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, did Louis piss out blood???

Harry then recalls what Louis said, about his step-dad kicking him a lot, kicking his sides. He can only be sure now that his step-dad focused his boots on none other than Louis’ kidneys.

 

That fucking bastard!

 

Harry then lifted Louis’ jumper –or his jumper, it doesn't make a difference anymore- almost too desperate to be subtle and just as he had suspected, Louis’ sides were caked with the ugliest of bruises, black and blue, blue and black on both sides, red, red and red included in the mixture, some in the shape of welts and others shapeless but just as horrible. Harry hands are shaking when he puts the jumper down, a dull-horror washing over him as sits in frozen silence, not sure what to do.

Then his phone buzzes and it startles a gasp from Harry. Shit, he has to get going, he thinks as he sees the time but he also sees Zayn’s message;

_Found your car. Where the hell are you?_

Shit, shit shit. He has to get out, he knows that but how can he leave Louis like this?

His phone starts ringing now and its insistence pulls him from his shock. He kisses Louis’ forehead and it feels like a goodbye and he hates it. He carries him up as he steps out of the bed and puts him back gently under the covers with Louis’ dried blood in the sheets. Louis doesn’t move. Harry is scared out of his mind at that because Louis is too still. He goes to check for his pulse, hoping to God that blood loss won’t be taking his friend away and is slightly relieved when he feels a pulse. Louis stirs but otherwise doesn’t wake up, just merely groans tiredly.

Harry’s phone starts buzzing again and it’s like the vibration of it against his hip bone is the only thing that’s getting him to move. However, he can’t leave Louis like this, so he picks up Louis’ phone and opens an empty note sheet. He types hurriedly, before placing the phone by Louis’ head on the pillow.

He then steps carefully over the blood on the floor as he heads for the window. He looks back at Louis one more time, hoping his message will suffice but the moment doesn’t last as he hears footsteps. He ducks immediately and is out on the ledge, throwing caution to the wind as he jumps on the tree and slides his way down. He runs to his car like a criminal on the loose and halfway there, he remembers in horror that he’s forgotten the rucksack.

He looks back towards the window, terrified at his stupidity when he hears an urgent whisper.

‘’Get your bum in here right now!!!’’

He knows it’s Zayn without having to turn around and after an agonizing moment, he realizes it’s too late to go back so he runs towards his car and ducks into the driver’s seat.

 


	8. I won't let you go

Zayn is outside by the passenger door, looking chilly so Harry opens it for him, ignoring the shaking in his hands. Zayn gets in immediately.

‘’What happened?’’ he cuts through the chase.

Harry sits back and tries to breathe. One hand is trembling on his thigh, palm down before forming a fist as he’s too agitated. The other is folded up because he’s biting through his knuckles. He doesn’t know where to start, what to say. He feels like screaming.

‘’Is that blood?’’

He looks at Zayn and follows his eyes to where they’re looking at his pants. He looks down and sees blood underneath his palm when he stretches his fingers. In the morning light, though his pants are black, the blood is obvious and the smell ever more pungent.

His pants stick to him in the front as he shifts, soaked with blood, and Harry tries not to focus on that.

‘’Yeah, it’s blood. His blood.’’ He says through gritted teeth as he focuses his eyes on Louis’ window.

‘’Can you please tell me what happened?’’ Zayn asks calmly.

Harry only talks and tells him the details of the night before just so he can ignore his shakiness. But even Zayn, ever cool Zayn, cannot maintain composure at the details Harry speaks of.

‘’Bloody hell.’’ Zayn exhales when Harry’s done telling him about Louis pissing blood.

‘’Yeah,’’ Harry says curtly. He’s trying to be strong. He knows that when Louis’ step-dad leaves the house, that Louis will need him far more than last night so he does his best not to fall apart.

‘’Are you alright?’’ Zayn then asks. Harry hasn’t once looked at him properly since his narrow escape. He feels Zayn’s hand on his shoulder and only then realizes how rigid he is.

‘’No,’’ he says as he shakes his head.

‘’Look, for what’s its worth, you did your very best. You were there for him. He must’ve been terrified.’’

Harry throws his head back against the leather seat as he takes a deep breath.

‘’Yeah.’’ He breaths out.

‘’Harry, please talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.’’

‘’I just…I don’t know how am I supposed to…not want to walk up to his step-dad and beat the hell out of him. I want to kill him for ever taking advantage of Louis, just fucking rip him apart and...’’

‘’Harry, look, I understand, but you don’t want to do what Liam did, trust me.’’ Zayn interrupts. This spikes Harry’s attention and for the first time he turns his head and looks at Zayn. The latter looks like he hasn’t slept much either but then again Zayn always looks like that, like a very cool drug addict.

‘’What did Liam do?’’

‘’You can say that when he got provoked, he kind of went on a rampage.’’

‘’What? Threatened the knobhead to call the police?’’

‘’No, tried to beat the knobhead up.’’

‘’Wow.’’ Harry is shocked. Liam is like an all around bundle of perfection. The thought of him roughing someone up, just seems unthinkable. Hell, he could hardly imagine Liam hurting a fly.

‘’Yeah, it was long time ago.’’ Zayn sighs as he sits back in his seat. ‘’I only knew the details after I was let in on the loop.’’

‘’So Liam was the first to know?’’

‘’Yeah, why?’’

‘’Explains a lot.’’ Harry mutters.

‘’I don’t know why you two don’t get along when you quite obviously have one important thing in common now.’’

‘’Look, he started it.’’ Harry ventures.

‘’Yes but you have to understand Liam’s view on this, Harry. No, listen.’’ Harry snorts because he knows Zayn would pick Liam’s side in a heartbeat but Zayn’s unfazed. ‘’Unlike you, he didn’t discover Louis’ predicament under subtle circumstances and unlike the rest of us, Louis is completely banned from ever being seen with Liam.''

‘’Meaning what?’’ Harry is a bit worried about where this line of talk is going but in all honesty, he’s been dying to know all these stories for a while now.

‘’Meaning, to the great Mr. Frank, they are no longer friends; just football teammates, nothing more.’’

''That's bullshit!'' Harry is appalled. It also registers in his mind that Zayn said Louis' step father's name, something they don't usually do, opting for 'the knobhead' or 'Mr. Shitface" or some american terminology, which they use out of spite. Louis maintained his biological father's name, and Harry sometimes wonders if that is also a sensitive topic, a reminder to Louis' step-father that Louis is not his.

''Yes well, that's the truth unfortunately.'' Zayn sighs. ''Liam was kind of a rebel kid back in middle school and quite honestly, even I didn't like him so much. He pulled a lot of pranks and not very nice ones. Louis was the only one to really accept him and though Louis and I were friends already, I made sure to stay away whenever he and Liam wanted to hang out. But then one day,'' Zayn's voice lowered as his brow puckered. This must not be easy for him, Harry thinks but he doesn't interrupt him. ''And this was during our first year in high school when I'd just been given my car. Louis is asking for my keys, said he needs to fetch the girls and drive them to Liam's place. I didn't understand but I complied. Liam took off with him, looking all relaxed so I didn't suspect anything, thought maybe Liam's sisters offered to baby-sit or something. But then the next day, Louis and Liam don't show up to school and …'' Zayn pauses as he pulls one leg up and sits back, trying to relax but can't.

''And?'' Harry prompts.

''I got a call from Louis when class ended and when I picked up; it was Liam, calling from Louis' cell phone. He was calm when he told me I needed to get to the hospital because Louis' step-dad threw him down the stairs and that Louis was not alright.''

''Jesus Christ.'' Harry feels sick.

''What's worse, I discovered later on,'' Zayn continues. ''Was that Liam found him that way. You see, Louis didn't stay the night, he returned home to fix his step-dad his dinner. The old bastard didn't notice that the girls were missing, too drunk maybe, I don't know. He apparently found out the next morning when Louis was coming out of his room, ready for school. Liam was waiting outside and yeah, that's when Mr. Frank pushed Louis down those fifteen steps.''

''Fifteen steps?'' Harry asks in horror.

''Yeah, and I don't know how Liam knew that but then again, visitations were allowed in Louis' house back then so maybe he got to count, I don't know.'' Zayn says, a bit frustrated. ''I just, I have to say it must've been quite shocking to Liam back then, you know?''

 _Quite shocking indeed._ Harry thought in dull horror.

''He told me when I arrived at the hospital, how he saw Louis' step-dad leave the house, swaying as he drove off.

Liam then told me that's when he started calling Louis to haul his ass out or else and when he got impatient, Li broke into Louis' house like the bad boy he was and found Louis there at the bottom of the steps, a pool of blood around his head and just...'' Zayn paused, his eyes distant. ''The doctors said he concussed his skull from the fall and dislocated his shoulder. They wanted us to call someone but Liam immediately took care of that, said his own mother was on the way and its weird because I thought Liam had no idea what was going on yet but somehow he already suspected. I tried to put two and two together and realized that Louis bringing his sisters to his place was already proof enough that Liam was way ahead of the game than I was and silly me, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and slightly mad at myself for being proud of Liam. Till this day, I still can't believe I didn't admire him from the start.'' Zayn finishes.

''I can't imagine it either.'' Harry says. He knows that even though he and Liam aren't as close as Zayn and Liam are now, almost like brothers the way they stick to each other in silent conversations, he knows he wants to be a part of it soon. Now, Harry kind of feels guilty because now he sees why Liam's been aggressive with him sometimes; simply because he knows that Harry hasn't seen the worse of it and has no idea what friendship with Louis would cost.

''Is that why Liam changed?'' he has to wonder.

''Actually, it is.'' Zayn says. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and puts one to his lip. He's about to light it when he looks at Harry, asking for permission.

''Just open the window.'' Harry chuckles. Zayn grins with his teeth digging into the bud of his Marlboro before he lights it up then rolls the window down.

''Yeah,'' he says as he blows out smoke, flicking some ash out the window and keeping his hand limp over it. ''Liam became the Liam you know today because of that, like Louis' accident,'' He says with an eye-roll. ''Was some kind of a wake-up call.''

''I thought it was when Louis brought his sisters to his place.'' Harry said, a bit confused.

''No, that's when he knew and he was still new to the whole thing. Didn't I tell you why though, why Louis' girls were there at Liam's house?''

''No,''

''It's because that douche-bag slapped Lottie the morning before Louis' tumble.''

''What?'' Harry is shocked. ''I thought he didn't touch the girls!''

''Yeah, well, you thought wrong.''

Zayn took a deep drag of his cigarette before he exhaled. He put one leg down and raised the other up and somehow he looked like a model the way he was perched on Harry's leather seat, with his black leather jacket, his immaculate quaff and smoke around him like an aura. The anger that washed over his features added more to his dangerous air and Harry can see how people can misunderstand him and think he's some kind of a sexy lethal heartthrob of a junkie when here he was, waiting with him to check on their friend's safety in the wee hours of morning.

''Liam had told me later on, while we were by Louis' bed-side in the hospital, that that was why Louis had fetched the girls in the first place and brought them to Liam's. Lottie was terrified and Louis wanted to buy time for her before she can step into the house again and Liam agreed in a heartbeat to let them sleep-over. Of course, he didn't count for Louis' safety. Like I said, he was still too new to the whole thing.''

''But how did he roughen up Louis' step-dad?''

''Well let me go from the start.'' Zayn said as he took one last drag before flicking the bud of his dying cigarette out the window. ''After Louis woke up from his two day coma,'' at this, Harry's eyes went wide but Zayn continued. ''Louis had no choice but to tell me about his abusive step-father. And when Liam assured him that his sisters were still at his place, he almost ripped the chords and needles out of himself when he remembered his sisters and God, it took us everything to keep him lying on the bed. Anyway, in the five days that Louis spent in the hospital recovering, Liam made sure to keep Louis' sisters in his house. He even called Louis' step-dad to tell him that his son is in the hospital and that the girls are with him, just for formality's sake. The man wasn't happy about it and he showed up the day after Louis woke up. God knows if he even noticed that his children were gone for two whole days. But anyway, when he showed up, he was pissed, demanding to release Louis from the hospital because he can't afford his treatment. He was close to actually dragging Louis out of there, like properly ripping the chords and needles out of him when Liam stopped him. I was at school so I only knew the details later on but Liam and Louis' step-father went head to head right there in Louis' hospital room. The man accused Liam of kidnapping the girls and Liam was close to getting a hospital bed next to Louis if it wasn't for the hospital security and of course, Liam's mom, showing up at the nick of time. The doctors of course insisted that Louis stay and informed Mr. Scum that Liam's mom had already paid the hospital bill but that just riled the douche-bag up, and he ended up being escorted out of the premises. Of course, Liam would have followed out too if it wasn't for the fact that his mom was paying the bills.''

''And all that, and no one guessed that Louis' step-father was the one who put him there in the first place?'' Harry asked.

''Well, when the police spoke to Liam, he really didn't know what to say because its not like he actually saw Louis' step dad push Louis down the stairs. As for me, I only knew after Louis woke up because before the police talked to Louis, he pretty much filled us in but also made us promise -much to mine and Liam's dismay- that we keep our mouths shut. He spoke to the doctors and the police saying he tripped down the stairs and that his step-dad was at work so of course he was pissed that Louis was so careless. The doctors believed him for his sake and didn't call child services or questioned Mr. Frank. But to Liam and I, he said something about child custody and foster care to help us understand why he was covering for his step-dad and well, at the time, it sounded all too convincing.''

''Yeah, I know that part.'' Harry says as he remembers Louis' talk with him all those days ago.

''Yeah, and it's also the one thing that made us realize that there was nothing we can do for Louis in that regard because,'' Zayn sighs before he continues. ''The douche-bag showed up at Liam's place when he left the hospital that day and demanded that his girls be returned to him. Of course, due to the legality of the situation, Mr. Geoff Payne had no choice but to let Mr. Frank have his way.''

''Please don't tell me he hurt Lottie again.'' Harry says, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. However, before Zayn can reply, the door to the Tomlinson residence opened. The boys involuntarily ducked and it’s the old man, the same man that Harry saw all those days ago, driving past him in a clearly drunken state. Harry grits his teeth at the sight of him, wondering how such a stick of a man can harm his friend so much and the girls too. He hears Zayn breathing next to him, obviously fuming but they say nothing as they watch Mr. Frank get into his run-down car and drive off with fury.

''No, he didn't.'' Zayn says when nothing but echoes fills the air. It takes him a while to start that sentence again, even Harry has to breathe for a second to get back to being relaxed again but it’s a while nonetheless. After a decent amount of time has passed, Zayn speaks.

''He didn't hurt Lottie again as far as I know but it took us everything to keep Louis for at least one more day before Liam's mom checked him out of the hospital, clueless but compliant, believing Louis' alibi, especially when her son was backing it up. She seemed to gush on the fact that Louis changed her son or something. Admirable woman she is though for keeping quiet and not asking questions.''

''I'm assuming none of the boy' parents know about Louis then?''

''Yup, mine don't know either.'' Zayn says then fixes Harry a pointed look.

''Yeah, me too.'' Harry says quickly. He loves his mom and all but these are secrets between him and the boys and he's not going to divulge them no matter what.

''Well anyway, Louis had his left arm in a sling and his head was still bandaged but I drove him home and even walked him to the door. Liam was a step behind me but when Mr. Frank laid eyes on him, they almost had another row if it wasn't for Louis and me standing between them. That's when Louis had to promise not to consort with Liam anymore and maybe at the time, he did it because he was still too weak and his step-dad was about to hurt Liam and maybe him later but as the days followed after that, I guess you can say it was easier to keep his friendship with Liam a secret than to get beat up over it.''

''Can't blame him.'' Harry muttered.

''Yeah and neither does Liam. Besides, as time passed, everything returned to normal somehow like, it hasn't stopped them so no worries.'' Zayn says with a grin. Harry couldn't help but return it.

A silence fell over them for a while, their eyes simultaneously returning to that of Louis' house. Zayn lights up another cigarette and though Harry knows he's not a heavy smoker, having smoked two in the span of mere hours tells him that Zayn is quite nervous. Harry looks at his watch; 6:45 am. He takes a deep breath but regrets it because the smell of his pants hit his nose.

''Wish I didn't bloody forget the rucksack.'' He mutters.

''It's not a big deal, mate.''

''Yeah but I had an extra set of sweatpants in there that could really come in handy right now.''

''Well here.''

Harry is a bit confused when Zayn opens the passenger door and picks up a garbage plastic from the ground. He flicks away his second cigarette and throws the plastic at Harry.

''Brought some food, extra clothes. It's for Lou but help

yourself.'' Zayn says casually. Although Harry wants to chastise him for not saying something sooner, he just takes a deep breath and looks through the contents of the plastic. He sees bags of crisps, chocolate bars, a small bottle of water, two black T's and a couple of gray sweatpants. He even sees a pack of cigarettes. He notices that –except the clothes- the items are all last-minute purchases, things that can be bought at a petrol station. Regardless, Harry forgot to bring food and Zayn didn't so that's that. He does, however, pull out the Marlboro and chucks it at Zayn.

''I'm assuming that's yours.'' Harry says before he pulls out the sweatpants, one of the T's and the bottle of water next. Zayn just smirks as he tucks the pack away.

''I'll change outside. Let me know if you see something.'' Harry says as he opens his side of the car door. He walks behind the car so he's clear out of view and pops open the trunk. He takes off his boots and chucks off his pants. His boxers have dried blood on it and Harry is a bit overwhelmed by the stickiness on his legs. He's not ashamed when he takes off his boxers as well, not concerned about being nude in the outdoor. He takes the T-shirt, soaks it with water and cleans off remnants of urine and red flakes off his thighs and bits. He tries not to think about whom they belonged to.

After that, he wears the baggy sweatpants without underwear and throws his soiled clothes in the trunk of his car. Of course the sweatpants are supposed to be Louis' size but Louis always wears them baggy with the ends folded to match his height and that comes to Harry's advantage what with his taller height and long torso.

He gets back in the car and is about to say thanks when Zayn sits up straight.

''Someone's coming out.'' He says.

It's the girls, all ready for school but Louis is not with them. The boys look at each other confused, obviously exchanging that last note without having to say it before turning their eyes back to Lottie, Fiz, Daisy and Phoebe. The girls walk huddled towards Eleanor's house and Lottie rings the bell. Not a minute later, Eleanor comes to the door and hugs the girls each but her brow is puckered and she says something. Lottie replies and sad understanding washes over Eleanor's wholesome features.

''Louis has a huge crush on her.'' Zayn whispers casually.

''I figured.''

Then Eleanor picks up her bag and heads towards her car. She opens the back door for the girls and while they pile in, she looks at Louis' house, clear worry in her eyes and obvious confusion. But when the girls are all in, she becomes cheery again and takes her seat in the front, buckling her seatbelt and driving off.

''She must be wondering about him.'' Harry says as he sits back in his seat.

''Can't blame her. What with being his neighbor and everything, she must hear some things.'' Zayn says.

Harry shudders. The thought of hearing Louis scream in pain in the dead of night with no one around willing to help, just pondering whether they should intervene or not sits heavily in his chest like a fat man on heels. He hopes that's not the case.

Moments later, the door opens again.

''It's him.'' Harry says as he simultaneously gets out of the car. Zayn follows but Harry has only eyes for Louis, worry spiking his heartbeat.

 

Louis opens the door, his shoulders hunched, his face drained. He looks dim and ashen, eyes dead and unfocused. When his step-dad banged on his door to get up, he jolted with fear and almost hurt himself, simply by pressing too hard on his sides. But the real hurt was when he saw the blood on his floor and on his clothes and the fact that Harry saw it too.

He didn't want to get up, the thought of staying in bed all day much more inviting especially if he could get his hands on an extra set of mighty painkillers. That's when he saw Harry's rucksack and his phone by his head on his pillow. He presses a random button and sees a message texted on a note;

 

_Loubear, its Hazz. Am downstairs by the car. I didn't leave. I love you._

It's enough to get him out of bed.

But like a robot, he mechanically shed his clothes and changed into new ones, before covering the stain on the floor with his duvet. He went downstairs and prepared breakfast for the girls without saying a word. He was used to moving through the pain and they no longer noticed because he was always that way almost all the time now; silent, bowed down, a shell of himself whenever his step-father so much as glanced at him. In his mind, all he could think of was that stain on his floor and how it stood prominently, like a reminder that Harry saw him in his complete and utter worse; helpless, gross, pathetic, a whimpering mess.

After Mr. Frank left for work, he helped the girls get ready but Lottie understood that something was terribly wrong; what with the way he sluggishly moved and was very careful when anything brushed by his side. So, when Louis went to take a much-needed shower, she didn't wait for him to come downstairs and bring them over to El's house. She just left with the girls and told the tall brunette that Louis was still asleep and that he'd pay her next time for the ride. Louis heard the car leave while he was upstairs picking up both his and Harry's rucksack –a bitter sweet reminder that his friend was truly in his room, nursing him through his turmoil. Louis never felt more disgusted with himself though. He was, however, grateful to Lottie for understanding and giving him space.

It took forever for him to get down the stair, what with stopping for breath and clutching at his side. He feared he might topple over and that reminded him of that time his step-dad threw him down the stairs. In his haze of horror, he moved quicker then so as not to think of the incident. Yes, he could fall by himself this time without someone pushing him in his haste, too weak to realize that no one's at home to hurt him but all that kept burning in his mind is that if he would fall, he would not rise whole, that all his parts will scatter and he'd be too weak to collect them back from under the dusty furniture.

So, he walked down the stairs as quickly as he could and only breathed when he was finally safe at the bottom step. Who knew his own home could be so fearful? He wondered.

With a shaky breath, he picked up his keys and walked out the front door. He's got his bag in one hand and Harry's rucksack slung over one shoulder. He tries to balance things out but as he closes the door behind him, Harry's rucksack slides off his shoulder and falls to his feet. He bends down to pick it up but the pain in his side jolts him and he has to hold it and take a minute to get a hold of himself as he shuts his eyes and bites his bottom lip, leaning against the door to keep himself from falling. He tries to reduce the pain swelling in his head or in this case, waits for the wave of it to die down before he can move again when he hears shuffling.

 

Harry sees it all, sees a broken Louis huddled by the door, trying to keep himself upright after the rucksack fell off his shoulder. He sprints up the steps, signals to Zayn with shaking hands to stay back and wait as he approaches Louis.

He walks up slowly to him, not wanting to startle the boy although from the way Louis is shaking and trying to keep his moans of pain at bay, that he hasn't noticed anything.

He swallows as he tenderly puts his hand on Louis back but Louis flinches and shies away.

''Hey bud.'' Harry says quickly, gently, trying not to let tears seep into his voice. Louis opens his eyes, obvious recognition hits his features then shame. He keeps his forehead on the door as he turns a little. He lets go of the bags on the floor and uses his now free hand to get a hold of himself as he tries to balance himself against the door. He doesn't look at Harry, too ashamed and Harry hates this; that Louis is trying to be strong in front of him, trying to assure Harry that he can handle himself quite fine when he's clearly crumbling. Harry won't have it, not when every movement puts Louis in pain.

He picks up the bags while Louis takes a breath. He gets his arm through the loops of both bags and without wasting another minute, he gets one arm around under Louis' knee bents and the other around his upper shoulder then carries him. The boy is startled, his arms immediately circling his sides but his head looking down, eyes shut tight, not daring to look up at Harry who can clearly see right through him.

Harry doesn't say anything. He walks down the steps, the bags juggling by his hip but clearly out of Louis' way as they remain suspended from his arm by the loops. They are not heavy and neither is Louis who weighs like a feather with how small he keeps himself huddled. Harry motions to Zayn towards the car and Zayn understands, getting in the driver's seat and starting the engine with the keys that Harry left in the ignition. He opens the passenger door and waits until Harry turns around and gets in. Harry wants to move faster and if it isn't for the fact that he's holding the most precious person in his arms, he would have sprinted.

Zayn takes the bags from Harry and throws it in the backseat. He looks at Louis with sadness as Harry closes the door and tries to adjust his arms. Louis remains compact, his knees almost touching his chin so Harry keeps one arm at his upper back, pulling the boy flush against his chest and the other covering Louis' feet sitting by the gear shift. Harry wishes he could say something but instead he waits it out as he puts his chin on Louis' head.

In all honesty, he doesn't know what to say or maybe he does but he just doesn't know how to word it out, make it seep into Louis' tired bones and let him know that he's going to be okay now, to forget what happened and let them take care of him. But it's hard when the words are stuck in his throat because he just wants to cry at the atrocity of the whole thing. And it's strange how they've reached that point in their relationship where Louis makes Harry want to cry for him. Harry doesn't know when did he start feeling like that or how on earth did Louis claw his way so deep into his heart, and yet it doesn't bring him a sense of dread but Harry rather welcomes it because Louis is all warmth and goodness, leaking out of his broken skin and it fills him with a sense of protectiveness that's almost primal in its over-bearing fear of losing this boy.

''Lou,''

He looks from the corner of his eyes and watches Zayn put a gentle hand on Louis' knobby knee. Louis opens his eyes but keeps them on his lap, silent, like he's in his own world.

''Lou, we love you.''

And that's Zayn for you, keeping things simple, with no gushing and hushing and overly worrisome attitude.

Louis moves and Harry's eyes are immediately on him. He unlocks one of his arms and shakily puts his thin hand on Zayn's. With the way his eyes are still down, it's almost like a mere gesture of recognition and nothing more. Louis takes his hand back as slowly as he'd put it on Zayn and that's that.

Zayn sighs. With nothing further to offer, he takes his hand back and starts the car.

 

 

In the quiet ride, Louis's eyes don't close. Harry keeps watching him, watches how his eyes remain downcast, how he keeps his limbs to himself like he's trying to shut the world out. Harry doesn't like it.

He keeps caressing him the way he could, whether with his cheek on Louis' hair, his hand on Louis' small feet tracing shapeless things with his fingers, his palm at the nape of Louis' neck, caressing gently, anything, but nothing seems to work. He tries small talk.

''Loubear?''

 Louis makes a non-committal noise at the back of his throat.

''You can go to sleep if you'd like. It's a long drive…''

''Can't sleep.''

And it’s the first time he's spoken that his voice cracks a bit. He doesn't bother to clear it. Harry thinks up of something to say.

''Well, we can stop the car and you can lie down in the backseat.'' He suggests. ''This can't be comfortable for you.''

''No, I don't wanna move.'' Louis speaks in a whisper.

''You don't have to, I'll carry you and…''

''Hurts.'' Louis interrupts. Harry is worried and he looks down to see Louis' eyes are closed again, tucked into his chest.

''What hurts, baby?''

''Everything. Don't wanna move.''

And Harry knows this must be serious because Louis is never one to complain, never one to spout anything that can draw him attention so he knows his baby must be really hurting.

''What can I do?'' he asks helplessly, trying to hide the desperation in his voice but failing.

''A blanket would be nice.'' Louis mutters, almost to himself. Simple enough, Harry thinks. Harry had always figured that Louis was no high-maintenance, that he doesn't need much. He never expresses a need for anything except for the most basic things and Harry wishes he could give him more than that, maybe a thousand blankets and a thousand pillows at the moment to make him absolutely comfortable. Hell, he wants to give him the world. But he starts with that one request and reaches back with one solid arm for the rucksack behind him, finds the second back-up blanket -reminded that the other must still be on Louis' bed but who cares- pulls it out and gets it around Louis, tucking him up till his chin. This blanket is made of wool and Harry hopes that with Louis' blood loss that the fuzzy fabric is going to keep his friend warm.

''Much better.'' Louis says as he nuzzles into Harry's chest.

And as the car grows quiet again, Harry just starts humming. Zayn's eyes are on the road, leaving all the care for Harry. He doesn’t comment when the humming turns into the beginning of a song and he doesn't interrupt when Harry starts singing with a lulled whisper into Louis' ear, his voice more like a lullaby than actually singing but beautiful and comforting nonetheless:

  _''When it's black_  
_Take a little time to hold yourself_  
_Take a little time to feel around before it's gone_  
_You won't let go but still keep on falling down_  
_Remember how you save me now from all of my wrongs_  
_Yeah_  
  
_If there's love just feel it_  
_And if there's life we'll see it_  
_This is no time to be alone, alone, yeah_  
_I won't let you go_  
  
_Say those words_  
_Say those words like there's nothing else_  
_Close your eyes and you might believe_  
_That there is some way out_  
  
_Open up_  
_Open up your heart to me now_  
_Let it all come pouring out_  
_There's nothing I can't take, yeah_  
  
_And if there's love just feel it_  
_And if there's life we'll see it_  
_This is no time to be alone, alone yeah_  
_I won't let you go_  
  
_When I see your face_

_There's not a thing that I would change_

_Coz you're amazing_

_Just the way you are.''_

Zayn knows the song but he knows that's not how it ends and knows that's not how it's sung, like maybe Harry did a cover of the song but it sounded beautiful. He glances to see that Louis has finally fallen asleep and that a stray tear is slipping down his cheek. Zayn doesn't know if he was crying while awake or in his sleep but thinks it's probably the latter because Louis is not one to cry in front of his friends if he can help it. Harry catches the stray tear with his thumb and wipes it gently against Louis' pale cheek.

Zayn returns his eyes to the road and says nothing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so guys, the song that Harry sings to Louis in this chapter is a Jake Myan cover of the song ''i won't let you go'' by james morrison. the cover is no longer on youtube so I asked AnnaWrites if she has the song and she said that the song basically inspired this chapter and that yes she has it so after she sent it to me, i decided to upload it on 4shared for u guys to hear it and guys YOU GOTTA HEAR IT, IT IS SUCH AN AMAZING COVER, JAKE MYAN IS UNBELIEVABLE AND IT RELATES SO MUCH TO THIS CHAPTER so here is the link of the file on 4shared.  
> http://www.4shared.com/music/7W9ADXrgce/I_Wont_Let_You_Go_-_James_Morr.html


	9. Can't breathe easy

When they arrive at Zayn's place, no one's at home. Zayn's father works abroad and his mom works as a school chef. His sisters are gone as well so when Harry carries Louis inside, the house is eerily quiet.

Zayn points upstairs and tells Harry to go to the 2nd room on the left and that he'd follow shortly.

Harry goes on then and notices a lot of family photos on the hallway walls between the rooms. There are two rooms on each side and a bathroom at the end of the hall. The house smells of incents and citrus air-wash all tangled up in a good way and Harry finds it quite calming.

He enters the designated room and knows he's hit the right place because of how artistic the room is. One side of Zayn's room is covered in a lot of drawings, spray painted designs and graffiti-like art from the floor to the ceiling. There's a lot of drawing materials such as brushes, cans of paint, used palettes, canvases, sharpies and hell, even 'Crayola' crayons were scattered on his desk. There were also ratty old magazines and some sort of collage art form mixed up in the framed drawings lining up one side of a wall. It was a fantastic kind of mess and very, very Zayn.

In the middle of the room was a plain bed, with a power rangers blanket shuffled down the middle from the morning rush. There was a study desk near it with a lot of literature books, some old, some new all piled alphabetically and then a big closet on the other side, with its doors wide open but inside, the racks of clothes were tidy and orderly. Obviously Zayn's priorities surmised just his art, books and fashion sense and less his studies and sleep. But that's Zayn for you and Harry didn't expect anything less.

Without further observations, he gently puts his sleeping friend on Zayn's bed, but as Louis' back hits the bed, he jerks awake and he groans.

''Lou, what's wrong?'' Harry is startled; he's quickly on the floor on his knees, trying to help but he doesn't know what his hands had done. Louis is all painful moans as he turns to his side away from Harry but he then presses on his bruised waist and that startles a cry.

''Ah, goddamnit.'' He turns till he's flat on his stomach but the damage was done and he's all shaking and moaning and once again breathing so, so hard.

''Zayn!'' Harry cries. His voice rings in the empty house and his hands fly to Louis to try and comfort him.

''No, don't touch me!'' Louis flinches when Harry touches his back and Harry backs off, startled out of his mind.

''What's wrong?'' Zayn tumbles into the room with Louis and Harry's rucksack and skids to his knees on the opposite side of the bed. Louis is pressing his face into the pillow and tries really hard not to cry but his shoulders are shaking as he clutches the pillow, his hands forming fists around his head.

''He needs some painkillers, now.'' Harry says with as much authority as possible because he directs his next words to Louis. ''Lou baby, did you have breakfast this morning?''

''I…no…I don't know…I don't know.'' Louis is shaking his head and trembling.

''That's okay, don't think about it.'' Harry assures him but it's not okay. It's not okay that he can't give Louis any painkillers because his stomach is empty and Harry can't risk burning holes through it.

''My back hurts.'' Louis blurts out.

''Okay, I'll check it right now.'' Harry says.

''No, please don't.'' Louis tries to get up but Harry holds him down before he could hurt himself and holds his hand tight, muttering sweet nothings to him.

''Shh, shh you're okay, you're okay. I'll be gentle, I won't hurt you, you'll be okay, I promise. I love you and you'll be okay, shh.'' Harry says as he scrubs the back of Louis' neck and kisses his temple. Louis can't look at him, closes his eyes instead but allows himself to be comforted.

''You need to check the damage, c'mon.'' Zayn says as he gets out bandages and wipes from the rucksack. He spreads one item after another on the side of the bed while Harry takes a breather. He doesn't ask Zayn to give him the painkillers as its useless now.

''Okay, Loubear, listen.'' Harry starts. ''I'm going to lift your shirt now and check the damage okay? So just relax but if anything hurts, you let me know, yeah?''

''But you said you won't hurt me.'' Louis says as he looks at him from above the fold of his arms. His eyes are brimming with tears and are tinted with slight panic. The side of his face that's covered in purple looks more ghastly from the angle at which his head is tilted, making Harry's heart ache.

''I won't but if I do, I'll fix it right away.'' Harry promises with a kiss to his temple. Louis looks at him with eyes that are replacing panic with trust and Harry doesn't want to do him wrong. He wants Louis to relax so he kisses the side of Louis' brow, the part of his face he can reach and gives him a trustworthy smile. He pets his hair very gently, very carefully before giving him another kiss and then he sits up straight.

He doesn't know when Zayn left the room, except that he's returning with wet cloths that he spreads on a plastic by his side of the bed. Harry notices that Zayn actually distributed the stuff mostly on his side and he's grateful that Zayn trusts him so but he thought Zayn would be the one to assess the damage not him.

''Liam usually does this,'' Zayn answers his unasked question. ''And besides, look.''

Zayn shows him his hands and they're shaking too much. Harry can only guess how much chill he needed to keep his hands steady on the wheel so he understands that now its Harry's turn to do some steadying work.

He nods and lets Zayn hold Louis down as much as he could without hurting the boy. Zayn holds Louis' hand and whispers calming words to him that Harry doesn't catch. He instead faces the task at hand.

Harry slowly lifts the blanket off and leaves it on the floor. He then lifts Louis' amber shirt and realizes its sticking to Louis' skin a minute late because he hears a slight rip and Louis gasps and Zayn holds his hand tighter.

''Sorry Lou. Shit,'' Harry mutters before he proceeds at a slower pace. But then he's starting to see the real damage as the shirt goes further up, see the fresh marks of welts left by the belt, angry-looking and deep. He sees the bruises on Louis' sides looking blacker than ever but that's not all. Harry's eyes have popped wide open as he sees the old scars mixed with the new, marking his skin permanently from overly abuse and it's terrible, knowing that he's received new ones, new bruises to join the old. Zayn's eyes are hard, his arms strong as he holds Louis together as best he could, his cheek resting on the back of his head. But Louis is crying because he knows what Harry's looking at, knows what he's seeing and Zayn can tell.

''Shh, shh Lou, it's okay. Harry is taking care of you. Shh, don't cry.'' Zayn mutters, keeping his eyes on the nape of Louis' neck rather than the scars spanning Louis' back.

''I don't want him to see,'' Louis is crying openly now.

''It'll be over before you know it, just let him take care of you, you'll be fine.'' Zayn says.

Harry doesn't speak because it would obviously put Louis on more edge but he swallows the lump in his throat because this is just too much. He can only imagine how much he was hurting Louis by the way he was holding him all night, that he should've assessed Louis right there in the dark and done something rather than face this. He does his best to stop his hands from shaking and gets to work. He puts betadine on a piece of cotton and picks a wound to start dabbing it on, just as he had read on the basic emergency manuals that Liam had given him. He uses the softest of touches but still, Louis winces at every touch and when Harry gets closer to the worst of them, dabbing the alcohol-like substance on the open damaged flesh, letting them seep deep into the gaping cuts, the ones that are ripped wide open and bleeding, Louis' breathing grows erratic and Zayn hanging unto him is no longer working.

''Stop, just…ah…'' he tries to budge Zayn off but Zayn holds him down. Harry tries to work as fast as possible but Louis keeps making all these painful little noises like that of a strangled animal whose neck is being wrung, trembling and gasping for air because he can't breath past his tears and Harry doesn't know if he should continue anymore.

''I…I think I'm gonna pass out.'' Louis says faintly as he takes in panicked, short bouts of breath.

''You go ahead and do that, its okay. We've got you.'' Zayn says. He's been doing his best to hold Louis still and keep him from thrashing at the pain. Louis is breathing so hard he's almost hyperventilating and Harry takes a moment to stop because he's been trying to work as quickly as possibly but now his hands are properly shaking. He'd already finished half a roll of cotton and the floor beside him is littered with blood-drenched wipes and half a bottle of betadine.

''Harry, don't stop.'' Zayn urges him.

''Just give me a minute, this is just…'' Harry's voice cracks because there's a lump in his throat. His fingers clutch at his hair, trying to ease the shakiness out of them by holding his curls taut but Louis' back is a mess, his sides are a mess and this is just so fucking wrong and Harry is too young for this but then so is Louis and the whole thing is just one big fuck-up.

''Haz…'' Louis whimpers. Harry snaps out of it, so attuned to Louis' voice that it just pulls him back down to reality.

''Yeah, love. I'm here.'' Harry puts his face by Louis' but Louis doesn't say anything because his eyes close, the tears on his eyelashes brim over as they touch his bruised and splotched cheeks and his breathing slows down and he stops moving.

''Lou?'' Harry panics.

''He's passed out, finally.'' Zayn says as he exhales. There are tears in his eyes that he's trying to contain and he doesn't let go of Louis as quickly.

''I better finish up then.'' Harry says after a while, his voice numb. He never thought he'd hurt Louis like this and somehow him being passed out just turns him into stone. He continues to work because he doesn't want Louis to catch a cold with his back exposed and his hands have stopped shaking anyway because maybe he's truly numbed out of his senses. He gets on with it, finishing the whole bottle of betadine then covering Louis' back with bandages. He puts medicinal cream on Louis' bruised sides and wraps that up too. Zayn helps him lift Louis up so he can tie the bandages around his middle. Harry then takes turn holding him up as Zayn grabs a thick gray jumper and dresses Louis in it. Zayn holds Louis in return as Harry dabs the rest of the cream on the side of Louis' face and in this angle, Harry realizes with horror that the bruises look like that of the back of a shoe, like Louis's face had been trampled and stepped on several types. He finishes right when his hands start shaking again and he wrings them to calm his nerves before he cleans his hands with left-over wipes. He then helps Zayn settle Louis back on his stomach. They cover him up with thick blankets and Harry takes the discarded one on the floor and covers him with it too.

He takes a moment to look at Louis after that, sitting back on his hunches. He notices that the pillow beneath his head is wet so he uses the sleeve of his sweater and wipes the sweat of Louis' forehead even though the damage is already done and Zayn's pillow is drenched in sweat and spit. But Zayn doesn't mind when he takes notice; he just flips the pillow over and lets Louis' head nestle there without disrupting his sleep. They then throw away all the used-up cotton and blood-drenched wipes and dried out cream cans and the sorts. Zayn says he'll start cooking and directs Harry to the bathroom when asked for a much needed shower.

 

It's been quiet since then, as he closes the door to the bathroom. Zayn had handed him a pair of P.J.'s and allowed him any use of the bathroom's shampoo and conditioners, even handing him a new box of soap and a sponge. Harry washes and scrubs blood off his hands, off his legs that didn't come off when he had changed earlier. He stays in the shower just long enough to relax and maybe cry then relax again before he gets out of the steaming hot shower and wraps a towel around his waist. He wipes the fog off the mirror and even in the steamy haze, he sees the bags under his eyes from having so little sleep last night and that starts him to think about Louis.

He finds it sad how thinking of Louis can make him both relax and cry but just the thought makes him want to explode. He'd been strong this whole time, playing friend and nurse, comforter and everything that was needed of him because of his promises to Lou and his promises to himself to be Louis' rock when the time arises. And now that it has, it's finally overwhelming him, tiring him, pulling at his heartstrings to be this calm, because deep down, he isn’t really. He’s too hot and too cold, angry, scared, and desperately wanting all this to be a dream and not wake up to see that Louis is actually hurt, passed out in the room down the hall.

He suddenly can't deal because it's so much more different when you make grand promises and actually seeing the damage and implementing them. He goes to splash some water on his face because there are tears brimming over. He keeps his face buried in his palms to stop more tears from escaping.

''Christ.'' He mutters when he finally takes off his hands. He looks at the mirror but he doesn't see his own reflection because even after a much needed shower, he still looks like shit. But hey, at least he was there for Louis, right?

But no, because if he was there for Louis, he wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place, if he was there for him, he wouldn't have let him leave school, he would've faced his step-father in the school park and fucking pushed him against a speeding truck or something, anything to have stopped this from happening. But it's too late and the damage has been done.

He stays in the bathroom for at least an hour, thinking of 'what if's' and 'I should have's' and every other possible outcome that did not include a damaged Louis conked out in Zayn's room. In the end, he begrudgingly settles for the harsh reality before he finally comes out and heads straight to Zayn's room.

 

''What's Niall doing?''

Liam had finally arrived after school ended for the day and after Harry and Zayn fill him in and show him personally to where Louis is…Liam is finally relaxed because well, he wasn't, demanding this and that, asking if they did this or did that, pretty much making sure they did all that he would've done and it's a bit like being reprimanded but then again, who wouldn't be like that when you learn that your best friend had his kidneys kicked the shit out of, face trampled on and back whipped? No, Harry doesn't blame Liam in the slightest.

Niall, however, wasn't with Liam and when Harry asked, all that Liam said was that he was going on an errand for Louis but that only increased his curiosity.

''Usually when this happens, we tend to do Louis' chores for him,'' Liam says. They're sat with plates of tuna sandwiches on their laps which Zayn prepared and watching tellie on his sofa in the living room. Louis still hasn't woken up, so they keep the door open and the sound of the tellie on low volume so they'll hear when he stirs awake.

''Chores? Like what?'' Harry asks.

''Well, we put Niall in charge of the food so by now,'' Liam looks at his watch. ''Louis' girls are probably already back from school so he's gone to bring them lunch and dinner and food to last three days.'' He takes a bite, chews, swallows, before continuing. ''But when the old man's there, we wait till the lights turn out, call Lottie so she could pull up the grocery bags from Louis' window then leave. Just simple errands. Nothing much.''

And Harry is once again in awe, because Louis is not their responsibility yet they treat them like he is, even going as far as taking care of his sisters.

''Did you tell him to bring some chips on the way?'' Zayn asks.

''Yeah, don't worry about it. Food is not something Niall will forget.'' Liam says with an eye roll, though there's a fondness in his voice. Harry can tell he has a sweet spot for Niall just as he does for Louis and he still can't wrap his head around the fact that the boys are taking care of Louis like it’s the most natural thing ever.

''You guys are just…incredible.'' He says. He doesn't know that he'd just interrupted Zayn and Liam but he knows he had to get it out, had to put those words out there.

''Well,'' Liam says as he scratches his head. Zayn just takes a bite of his sandwich to hide the shy smile forming from that complement.

''No, really, you do too much, like, I know Louis is worth it all, I can see that, but I just don't understand how far you'd go for him, like he must have done something grand to deserve this kind of loyalty from you guys.'' Harry puts it and from the way that Liam eyes darted to the tellie and the way that Zayn looks anywhere but Harry, that the curly-haired lad struck a nerve.

''Did I say something wrong?'' Harry says when the silence gets tense.

''No, you just,'' Liam starts and it’s the first time that Harry sees him flounder for words. ''You pretty much guessed it quite easily.'' He says with a smile.

''You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.'' Harry says hesitantly because it's obvious that he wants to know, like Louis is some kind of comic hero that he wants to read about and gush over his heroisms.

''Well,'' Zayn looks at Liam apologetically and Liam, if at first confused by it, now lets realization hits.

''You told him, didn't you?'' Liam says with narrowed eyes.

''You're about to tell him right now anyways so I don't see the point.'' Zayn points as smoothly as ever. Liam just sighs, finding it incapable of being mad like the good daddy that he is. He finishes the last bite left from his sandwich before turning to the kitchen. He washes off his plate, puts in place before sitting down with them.

''I don't mean to be curious, Liam.'' Harry says, feeling like he'd maybe insulted the lad or something.

''No, Harry, it's, it's not you. It's just.'' Liam shakes his head then somehow laughs at himself. ''I'm not particularly proud of what I was back then, so…'' he pauses. He keeps his eyes on the screen of the tellie as he continues. ''I was rebellious against my parents, angry for wanting me to be this goodie-two shoes of a son, always sheltered and careful. You see, I only have one kidney.'' He looks at Harry to see his reaction, sees the slight surprise there before he continues down memory lane. ''It was a long time ago. I had bad health when I was younger and I guess that's why my mom is overly protective, never wants me to party, never wants me to drink. I can drink if that's what you're thinking though.'' He says, reading Harry's mind like it was nothing. It was obvious that Liam had said these things before and that he already knows the reaction to it. Harry doesn’t mind. ''And I guess not being able to do what I wanted, let alone what I saw was generally safe for me, I felt suffocated. I wanted out and looking back, I did it in the worst way possible. Being timid, I actually used to get bullied and its only because of that, that my mom agreed to let me have boxing lessons and what do you know?'' he says sarcastically. ''Instead of using it to defend myself, I used it to hunt down those bullies and get myself expelled from my last year of middle school.''

And the thought of Liam getting expelled is what shocks Harry more than the fact that Liam just told him that he only has one kidney.

''So, after I finished summer school with my grades barely scratching the passing mark, my parents thought that maybe I needed a change of scenery so we moved from Wolver Hampton to Doncaster and started a new life. Still, it made me rebel even more against them, against everything really and next thing I know, I established myself as a bully. People turned away from me, stood out of my way, couldn't even look me in the eye and you'd think that from all that, Louis would scurry away and do the same.'' Liam laughs as he remembers something about that, about mentioning Louis from back then.

''But no, Louis was not the same. No matter how much I got annoyed by him whenever he spoke to me, or sat next to me in class, he kept coming at me, treating me like I was his friend before we even became friends. I used to want to whack him in the head all the time from how loud and boisterous and spontaneous he was from when we got partnered in Biology and the only reason why I didn't smack him at all was because I didn't want to get expelled again. I really wanted to just shut him up but something about the way he pushed past my pretences and scowling made me think that maybe he could see right through me, see that it was just defense mechanism from my part, some bullshit façade, I don't know, whatever you'd like to call it. He saw right through it and maybe I was reading too much into it but it felt that way and I didn't like it.'' Liam pauses but there's a fond distant smile on his face despite what he just said as he looks back at his memories with Louis.

''I never understood him back then, especially when I'd hear him defend me behind my back, something about me never bullying him, like that made me a good person because he wasn't under my radar of wrath or something, I don't know. Maybe I expected him to bad-mouth me when I wasn't around. It was the only way I could convince myself that he was just for show and not really that good a person with me as he really was, all accepting and never judging. I didn't know how to deal with him but even then, I had to struggle not to laugh at his stupid jokes or show that I was starting to like him too.'' Liam's smile then turned somber.

''Then one day, he didn't come to school. It went on like that for a couple of days but I didn't care or maybe I did because I was used to his noise or used to having someone talk to me but I didn't want to show it. I remember on the second day, I saw you,'' he points at Zayn who looks up at him from where his eyes were on his plate. ''Sitting alone during lunch, probably wondering where he was coz you were texting like mad and I wanted so much to ask you but I didn't think you liked me very much back then.''

''Still don't.'' Zayn mutters.

''Hey.'' Liam says, faux annoyed. Zayn smiles at him and all is well.

''Well anyway, on the third day I decided to skip school and go make a fake ID for myself so that I could buy booze.'' And Harry tried to control his facial expressions at this because the words 'Liam' and 'booze' just don't seem to want to mix in his brain. Liam seems to understand though, because even he can't help but look a little bit repulsed by the way he was and there are moments where he'd just be like, 'I can't believe I actually was like that' before he'd go on.

''I lounged around in the park after that for who knows how long and then went for a walk, wanting to explore the new town I was in even though I'd already been around for a proper amount of time but anyway, that's when I saw Louis. He was walking with four girls, two looked like toddlers and two were like babies. Louis had one of the twins clinging to his back, the other he was holding to his chest and she in return was hanging on to him like a koala and the third, I think it was Fiz, was holding his right hand. Lottie walked next to him, holding him by the bent of his elbow.'' Liam had used his hands to demonstrate and Harry can see it so easily, picture Louis with all that weight on him, being all brotherly and responsible.

''He seemed disheveled and a bit in a rush and when I looked closer, I saw he had a black eye and that he was limping.'' Liam's voice had grown even more somber and Harry dared not finish his sandwich as he no longer had appetite, knowing that Louis was hurt even if it was from a time before he joined the picture.

''I didn't suddenly like him or like, wanted to be his friend but seeing him like that, I guess my heart just went out for the guy. Daisy, I think, was falling asleep on his back and her legs were drooping off his waist that he had to let go of Fizz and keep her leg up, startle her awake to keep holding unto him, then, afraid Fizz would stray from him; he snatched her wrist quickly and held her close. He kept everybody in check like they weren't already close enough to be a part of him, moving his head back and forth like he was scared they'd disappear out of his sight if he doesn't keep a close eye on each and every one of them.'' Liam shook his head in awe.

''Before I knew it, I found myself walking up to him, asking him if he needed a hand. At first, I thought he'd refuse, maybe have too much pride to let someone like me help him. I surely didn't expect him to greet me with a loud, boisterous, 'Hey Li!''' Harry chuckled when Liam tried to mimic Louis' loud voice. He was close enough to perfecting it but Liam just laughed at himself for trying before returning back on track. ''I remember smiling at him when he did that and feeling like a bit of an idiot but Louis was Louis. He introduced me to his sisters, gave me Daisy like she was mine too and beckoned Fizz to take 'Lili's' hand.'' Liam said with an eye roll.

''Lili?'' Harry asked, smiling despite himself. Even Zayn laughed heartily.

''What? Blame it on the 'girl' overload. Besides, they liked it.'' Liam says indignantly so Harry screwed his lips and bit the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from laughing at the cheesy nickname.

''Well anyway, Louis was so himself, telling jokes and stories till he was out of breath. I tried to ask him why he was limping but he wouldn't keep his mouth shut until I found myself standing outside his house. I didn't want to go in but because I felt like I deserved some answers, I pretty much invited myself in, and at the time, I got the feeling that maybe he wanted me to come in too but he was just too scared to say it so I thought I'd make it easy for him.

Later on, after he cooked for the girls and set a plate in the microwave, I helped him up the stairs to his room and it was only when we were there that I asked him why he'd skipped school and what the black eye was for. But he dodged the question easy enough despite leaning on me on our way up the stairs and I let it slide because I thought that I was being too invasive. So we just talked and it was the first time that I didn't find him utterly obnoxious, because it was obvious that we were both putting up acts in front of everyone and yet somehow put down the masks in front of each other just a little bit because somehow we found out that we were more or less so alike. And just sitting there in the couple of hours that followed, I realized that Louis' a really stand-up guy and it wasn't just the talk of the school. Looking around his room and listening to him talk made me realize that I was taking a lot of things for granted compared to someone who has no one to offer him all the things that's being offered to me. He didn't tell me about his step-dad yet or his mom and already I sensed some sort of deprivation, that Louis was too responsible for someone his age.'' Liam pauses, trying to let out all that he had pictured at the time with as much precision.

''In the time that we were in his room, not once did he stand still. I just sat on his bed and watched him as he went from folding his and his sister's clothes to ironing hot pink skirts and rainbow-colored tiny shirts, to fixing his sisters' toys, all the while talking incessantly and filling every gap in the conversation. However, when the door bell rang and his step-dad came in, he told me it was time for me to leave and as we went downstairs, I saw the old man take the plate out of the microwave and start eating with a couple of beer cans open on the table. He greeted me with a grunt and then Louis said he'd walk me to the door. Only when we were outside, Louis apologized like it was his fault his step-dad was utter shit and when I asked him if it was his step-dad that gave him the black eye, I felt that the only reason why Louis was honest with me was because he felt like he owed me an apology and also that he had deserved the black eye which of course, I knew was complete horse shit, even then. So, even though I didn't have a clue about the bare details yet of what that old man was doing, I promised him that if he needed anything at all, that I was there for him, even if it's just to walk the girls home or sit around with him in his room after school. It must've been hard for him to agree to that but I'm glad he did and I know,'' Liam says with a sigh as his story winded down to a close. ''I know I was promising too much at the time, that I had no clue how deep I was getting myself into but somehow I wanted to show him that I wasn't really a bully, that I was a stand-up guy too. With Louis, I just felt like wanting to prove myself, or be better because already I got this feeling that he has expectations of me, different from that of my parents in a way that he already knows what I'm like but doesn't mind waiting for me to get there and be the person he knows I can be and at first, I hated that he could read me like an open book but when his bruises started to pile up, I knew I had to change soon and stop being stubborn about it. For Louis, I knew I was in it for the long run, that I may have been many things at the time but I'll be damned if I was a dick to him too.''

''Zayn told me about the stairs incident.'' Harry blurted after a long while, more for the sake of killing the silence than of actually wanting some sort of a reaction. Liam's face puckered like as if Harry just threw a punch to his gut.

''Yeah, that was…that was the last straw for me.'' He exhaled. ''I wanted to kill his step-dad so much, even more so when he banned Louis from being my friend but Louis didn't care and to be honest, I wasn't going to let him either.''

Liam looked astray like he was talking to himself now, letting his own thoughts pour out and ricochet against anyone willing to hear.

''I don't know when I realized this, whether in the rush of the car ride from his house to the hospital or seeing his head bleeding all over the backseat of my car from the rearview mirror or him lying unconscious on the hospital bed but I realized that Louis deserved good people in his life and more importantly, that I planned not to be the least of them. It sounds a bit dark when I say I'm glad he brought his sisters to my house the day before that incident, but it's true, because it really changed my life. It was an eye-opener, to know that I should've given my mom more credit, should've been less defiant towards my dad and more respectful to my sisters. Louis made me see all that by just being himself and I find it utterly brutal to know he's being treated like utter shit.''

At this point, Liam looked straight into Harry's eyes and the determination that Harry saw was a bit intimidating.

''So, I decided to turn my life around because he doesn't need another person in his life to treat him like utter shit too.''

And it was simple the way Liam worded it, because he was right. Being human is given but keeping our humanity is a choice and Liam decided to be the better person and chose to be Louis' friend and anchor because being utter shit is like giving away one's humanity. He chose not to continue making mistakes and bad choices towards his parent's love because he knows now what its like to be without it, to not have the privilege of two good parents who simply care for him like any parent would. Harry can also see now why Liam had been very careful with his company because he doesn't want shitty people to be added to Louis' life, just as simple as that.

''You've always got a way with words, Liam.'' Zayn says as he finishes his sandwich and stands up to wash his plate. Liam just chuckles though his eyes are a little distant. Harry finishes off his food as well before he looks at Liam.

''I don't plan on being utter shit to him either.'' He says.

''I know.''

''Well, I just wanted to point that out coz you still don't seem very trusting of me.''

''No, Harry it's not that.'' Liam actually seems a bit hurt to be thought of this way. ''I'm just…I'm not very good at thanking people.''

''Thanking…you mean you want to thank me?'' Harry is surprised. He didn't expect this.

''Well, yeah.'' Liam blushes. ''I'm not very good at admitting that someone is doing my job better than me.''

And it's not his job and they both know it but they let it slide because with Louis, everything is personal.

''That's because if you stop being a perfectionist, you'll not find it so difficult to adjust.'' Zayn says with a wink as he takes Harry's plate as well and clears the coffee table. Liam scoffs.

''I'm not a perfectionist.'' He says.

''Right,'' Zayn drawls as he winks again and goes to the kitchen. Harry chuckles at their bromance.

''Don't listen to him, he's a tosser.'' Liam tells Harry and Harry just laughs but knows he'd laugh harder if those words came out of Louis' mouth instead.


	10. When it don't come easy

Niall comes back with McDonald's, having ordered double for himself. They were all cramped in Zayn's room as Zayn's mom arrived and so have his sisters. The boys sat on the floor in a circle and began playing cards while eating dinner.

Louis didn't stir once.

Liam had called his work-place and gave Louis' boss an excuse that Louis' down with the flu. But his boss doesn't relent all the way; he demands that Louis be at work during the weekend or else he's fired so Liam says he'll take his place, confirms he's 21 and that's that. It worked out well because Liam, despite being a reformed bad boy, still keeps his fake ID, hell he even made one for the rest of the lads for when they're out drinking, sometimes even buying pints for Niall coz he can't deny that boy anything so it wasn't hard for him to agree to the boss's demand.

Since the next day was the weekend, Zayn invited the boys for a sleep over. Having agreed, Liam, Niall and Harry left in order to pick up sleeping bags and an extra set of clothes. Harry didn't want to leave Louis, afraid that he'd wake up and not find him there but Zayn assured him that if he even blinks, he'll receive an immediate phone call.

So, after putting on a fresh pair of underwear and discarding his used clothes in his hamper, he explained to his mom about his whereabouts with the least amount of details about Louis. He got the go sign for the sleep-over

and if it wasn't for his respect for traffic regulations, he would have already broken a dozen traffic laws with his urge to go full speed.

He arrived at Zayn's place in record time and was the first to show up, followed by the other two twenty minutes later. They watched tellie downstairs, picking a documentary over an action film so as not to perturb Louis' slumber. Then Zayn's mom Trisha informed her son that his sisters were getting ready for a sleep over at his cousin's house and that he ought to give them a ride. So, half way through the documentary, Zayn excused himself and drove his sisters to his cousin's place. Harry noted that Zayn's sisters were stunningly beautiful, with their dark long hair and shaded eyes and beautiful eyelashes.

''It's in the genes,'' Liam said when he caught Harry staring at the door after Zayn and his sisters left.

''They're very good genes.'' Harry pointed out.

''Yup, but if you dare try to hook up with one of them, you'll end up buried in Zayn's back yard.'' Niall says nonchalantly, munching on some M&M's.

''I wasn't eyeing any of them.'' Harry says, scandalized and slightly a bit intimidated. ''Besides, I have a sister too and I wouldn't want any of you to date her either.''

''Hey, that hurts.'' Niall says dramatically.

''It's the truth.''

They continued with their bantering, completely ignoring the tellie until Zayn returned. It was getting late and Zayn's mom had already gone to her room so they headed to Zayn's room and laid down their sleeping bags on the floor by the bed. Zayn's room was spacious and Harry was comfortable enough as he sat on the floor with the boys and they started a new game of cards as it was still too early by their teenage standards to sleep. However, just like before when they were eating, Harry couldn’t concentrate as he kept staring at Louis, worried that he'd been asleep for too long now and from his seat on the floor, the more he stared, the more he worried that he didn't notice Niall nudging him.

''Harry?''

''What?'' he says, startled.

''Your turn, mate.''

''Right.'' He clears his throat as he looks at the cards. He's concentrating too hard but in the silence, he hears it;

The distinct gasp of someone who'd been startled awake.

A lot of things happened at the same time. Harry shot from his seat on the floor, standing on the cards with no care, landing on his knees next to Liam, who was already by Louis' side in a glance, combing his hair back for him. Zayn and Niall circle the bed and are on the other side of Louis, disregarding their cards as well.

''Liam?'' Louis says when he catches his friend's eyes, his voice wrought with panic and Harry misses his voice so much, he smiles with sheer relief.

''Easy there, Lou. You're at Zayn's. Don't get up.'' Liam says, shifting Louis' fringe more so it doesn't get into his eye. Harry wants to take Liam's place so he speaks.

''Loubear?''

He sees Louis trying to peer past Liam's hand. His forehead looks shiny and his eyes exhausted. But he's awake and that's all that matters to Harry.

''Hazza,'' and that one nickname seeps with so much relief, reducing the initial panic instantly.

''Yeah, babe. I'm here.'' Harry says eagerly, taking up Liam's personal space to get as close to Louis as possible.

''Where's Zayny and Ni?''

''We're here, Lou.'' The two boys say at the same time.

''Okay, that's creepy.'' Louis points out. They laugh, maybe harder than necessary but they don't care because either that or they'll cry because Louis is hurt but he's still joking.

''Can I sit up?'' Louis asks Liam.

''Sure, let me help you.''

So Liam and Zayn help Louis turn around and sit up and Harry kind of holds his breath because he's not in a good position to help but his hands are in the air ready for anything, because Louis is holding his breath too and his face is in a grimace and he can't seem to move by himself or hold his head up and Harry is afraid like maybe Louis' head would tumble and fall from how heavy he's carrying it. So many seconds of worry that he feels like his ears will pop. Finally, Liam adjusts a couple of pillows behind Louis' back while holding his hand, making sure to keep his face neutral because Louis' got a keen grip on his hand like he'll crush it but then again, maybe Liam's made of iron.

''Can you sit back?'' Liam asks.

''I'll try.''

Louis lets go of both Zayn and Liam's hand as he opts for the sheets. His knuckles turn white and they all hold their breaths as he slowly presses his back against the pillows and finally let's his head rest against the wall behind the headboard. His sigh goes up to the heavens and his eyes are closed and Harry is worried.

''Everything alright, Boo?'' he asks, his concern obvious. ''You comfy?''

''Yeah,'' Louis says through gritted teeth, his eyes still closed. ''Not the first time, so…''

''You hungry?'' Liam says quickly, so as to change the subject.

''We got McDonald's.'' Niall says cheerily.

''Okay.'' Louis says shortly. Harry puts his hand over Louis' and moves his thumb over his knuckles to try to ease Louis' tension. It seems to work.

''Alright, I'll go get it ready.'' Liam says, adjusting the blanket on Louis and putting it high up his chest. He stands up and silently nods at Zayn to follow him.

''I'll go help you heat it up.'' Zayn says as an excuse and pulls Niall with him.

''Do you need me for something?'' Niall says, confused. Zayn just rolls his eyes but pulls Niall by the forearm as they follow Liam out the room.

''See you later, Lou.'' Niall calls. He argues with the boys about why they're taking him with them and Harry hears shuffles and groans and something about 'alone time' so he decides to take advantage of the opportunity. He guesses that Liam is finally cutting him some slack and he doesn't want to miss his chance. He slides into Liam's former place on the floor and holds Louis' hand with both of his. By the time he looks at Louis, the smaller boy is looking at him already with an unreadable expression.

''How're you feeling?'' Harry asks though he's blushing.

''You stayed.''

''Of course I did.''

''I can see that. My question is; why?''

''Why what?''

''Harold, don't be thick.'' Harry seems to think that Louis just snapped at him but it came off quite weak.

''I stayed because I care about you, because I made promises to you. Besides, tomorrow's the weekend and Zayn invited us for a sleepover.''

Louis seems to be reeling from the first part of Harry's answer, looking at him till the hairs on the back of Harry's neck are standing.

''I wish you didn't have to see me at my worst.'' Louis says, sniffing as his eyes dart to his lap.

''It's not like you could help it, Lou.''

''You must've been disgusted.''

''Louis…''

''No seriously, I don't understand how you're still holding my hand after I literally pissed on you.''

''Do you want me to not hold your hand?'' Harry challenged.

''No,'' Louis says with a small voice. ''But it would help if you were a little mad.''

''Why would I be mad?''

''Just say you're mad, Harry.''

''Why? For something you couldn't help, for something that's not your fault? Louis, I crawled up your bedroom on my own free will. I held you and stayed with you because I wanted to. Being mad means being mad at my actions and regretting them and I don't, okay?'' he ends gently.

Louis looked at him with all the confusion in the world. In the midst of all the out-pouring, he's gripping Harry's hand so tight, but Harry keeps it sandwiched between his, not caring at how clammy it feels.

''I believe you.'' Louis says; his voice tight. ''But no matter what you say, I still feel sorry about it. That was just too embarrassing.''

''Well, if it helps; I love you and I accept your apology. Sounds good?'' he kisses Louis' cheek and it's more of a peck than a lingering kiss really before smiling at Louis.

Louis smiles at him, radiant and relieved, with crinkles in his eyes.

''Come here.'' He beckons. Harry moves closer and Louis cranes his neck and kisses him on the cheek. ''Thank you.'' He says quickly, nuzzling Harry's cheek before Harry pulls back.

Harry just smiles like an idiot and kisses Louis' knuckles. He's just so happy he feels like his heart could burst.

''Help me get up?'' Louis says so as to stop Harry from practically ogling him.

''Why?''

''I'm rather hungry and I'd like to eat downstairs if that's alright.''

''No, we'll bring the food to you.''

''No, I don't want you guys to sit around the bed and watch me while I eat. C'mon, please?'' he says when Harry was about to deny him again. ''I'd like you to sit with me and eat too if that's alright. I'll feel so much better.''

And Harry can't deny him anything. So, he helps Louis up, then holds his hand while the other is gentle on the small of his back, barely touching so as to stay clear of the bruises. He guides Louis down the stairs and is ever so patient with him as Louis balances himself on the railing with one hand and moves stiffly with every step. Half-way through he has to stop, burying his face into his own shoulder and pulling Harry to a halt next to him.

''You okay?'' Harry asks, one hand holding Louis' and the other now under his elbow.

''Can't help it; I just feel like absolute shit right now.'' Louis says as he laughs it off, trying to get the pain under control. Standing there, looking at Louis in all his exhaustion and blue-eyed sweetness, being so sincere, it hurts; an actual physical ache in his gut and Harry wishes he could just turn off the pain Louis' feeling with a blink of an eye so that he's all bouncy and jubilant again. He kisses Louis' cheek in the only way he can think of to try and console his best friend.

''Alright, I'm good.'' Louis announces when Harry pulls back. ''Let the marching commence.''

Harry chuckles and continues helping Louis down the stairs, approaching what seems to be a bustling kitchen. The lights everywhere are off except for Zayn's room and the kitchen. The boys are not very subtle in keeping things quiet and Harry can hear Liam and Zayn shushing Niall almost every second.

''Niall, could you just…Louis?'' Zayn says as he takes the orange carton out of Niall's hands.

''Louis, what one earth are you doing out of bed?'' Liam says though he helps Harry by pulling a chair and helping Louis take a seat.

''Got tired of lying down.'' Louis says through tight lips before he settles on the chair. He and Harry notice there's enough food on the table to feed a small family.

''That's no excuse to be on your feet. You need rest.'' Liam continues.

''You're all going to eat this with me, right?'' Louis asks as a change in subject. The McDonald's is in front of him and there are crisps and chips and various other foods spread across the table that seems recently prepared and not just heated.

''Of course we are.'' Niall jumps in and takes the seat next to Louis. Harry is glad he's already sitting on Louis' other side, other-wise that seat would've been taken.

''You know Niall and food; inseparable.'' Zayn says though he ruffles Niall's hair sweetly, so his words are hardly teasing. Liam takes a seat opposite Louis and puts a plate in front of him, apparently deciding to join in.

They banter around Niall's love of food for a bit before talking about this and that, about Liam's official girlfriend who got mentioned accidentally and their upcoming exams –though they talk more of the former than the latter until Liam's blue in the face.

Harry realizes a bit late that this seems like a normal tactic because he thinks its almost insulting that they're not fussing over Louis like he is, looking at him every second and counting his bites and watching him chew till he makes sure the food is down. But soon he notices that this is not true, that they do care and that they have also been through this before, way before he became a part of their group.

He notices that Niall would start a new topic directing it straight at Louis as if to make sure he has his attention before the conversation spreads around evenly. He notices that whenever Zayn gets another fill, he'll put the food near Louis upon returning it to the table ever so subtly and whenever he'd refill his glass, he'd go filling Louis' glass as well, doing it all ever so casually amidst the talk that Harry almost thinks that Louis is doing it on purpose not to eat or drink. He notices that whenever Liam gets up to put away a dish or grab something from the fridge, he has to stop by Louis' side, ask him if he needs anything before just as easily slipping back to his seat.

At first, Louis is apprehensive to take up his meal and tries to keep himself busy with the talk and being with his friends but the way the other three keep putting the spotlight on him ever so smoothly, Harry then realizes its their own way of making sure he's eating and not in any way in pain.

But of course, Louis is in pain. The light in the kitchen makes the bruises on the side of his face more prominent and unreal, and when he takes his first bite, Louis seemed to have forgotten that that side should hurt so when he chews, he grimaces and tears seem to prick the corner of his eyes. Harry wanted to hold his hand through it but didn't because he didn't want Louis to be self-conscious. Louis adjusts when he pokes the side of his face and realizes that it's swollen. So he chews his next bite on the other side and tries not to smile so much so that his cheeks don't swell up and his eyes don't go teary. He doesn't sit up straight while he eats, rather hunches his shoulders a bit because of the bruises on his sides and Harry aches for him, aches for him to be comfortable because Louis obviously isn't. But the boys are a good distraction, something that Louis finds comfort in and surely enough, Louis finishes his food even though he's last to finish and doesn't ask for seconds. They boys are ever so patient, drawn to the flow of their conversation that Harry almost thinks they didn't notice Louis finishing his meal until Liam stood up and started clearing off the table. Zayn fetches Louis some painkillers and Louis almost takes them eagerly. Zayn then helps Liam wash the dishes and Niall remains seated, chatting with Louis and Harry.

Maybe because he's tired of trying too hard, Louis folds his arms on the table and rests his head against the front of Harry's shoulder and Harry leans into his touch and doesn't say a thing because he misses this.

Harry misses Louis, misses hearing Louis laughing and joking around with Niall even though he's slumped against his shoulder and sometimes he'd slip away and stare blankly at the table but then either Harry nudges him or Niall laughs particularly loud that Liam has to shush him and just like that, Louis is back to the conversation. Harry wonders what's on his mind and why sometimes a shadow falls over his features before he looks up at Harry when he's nudged and simply shakes his head.

When Liam and Zayn are done, Louis beckons them to go ahead as he'll just be a hurdle on the way. They comply and Harry then helps Louis up the stairs and it's so much harder than going down. Louis turns all white; he bites his lip hard as he tells Harry to stop. They stop twice and then finally take the final step. Harry wants to carry him but Louis adamantly refuses so Harry doesn’t ask twice. He sees relief on each of the boys' faces when they finally get to the room but they hide it as soon as they walk inside. Liam helps Harry put Louis on the bed, sitting up coz he's not ready to sleep yet. So they surround Louis with Harry in Liam's place this time and play poker, using chocolate wrappers as leverage. Louis only plays one round then says he's tired but not yet sleepy. He partners up with Harry, beckons the boy on the bed next to him so as to see his cards better so Harry ends up under the blanket next to him, his hands in his lap with his cards up so that Louis can see. But Louis is silent; his head on Harry's shoulder like he can't keep it up. When Harry asks him what to play, he responds with short sentences, tone monotone and remaining as still as possible. Harry has to nuzzle Louis' head with his cheek to keep him in the game but sometimes Louis doesn't even respond. Harry doesn’t like this, doesn't like Louis being all silent and evasive because it's like the way it was before, before Harry knew anything about the abuse.

And Harry longs for a solution, even though it's only been a day and a half since Louis' step dad beat the crap out of his best mate, his Loubear and in all honesty, he has really given it a proper thought but things are too complicated and his suggestions seem too surreal but he longs for it anyway because he misses Louis' humor and wit and sarcastic remarks and snide comments that always seem so out of place but always getting a laugh out of him. Unbelievably, Louis puts everything into perspective for Harry and it seems to him that everything is upside down without Louis pointing things out to him.

It gets late and the boys get tired. Harry doesn't expect them to do anything but head to their sleeping bags after Zayn puts the cards away but Liam says he'd better change the bandages on Louis' back before he sleeps. Louis agrees, says the painkillers are kicking in anyway and that he might as well take advantage. So Harry suggests a final round of poker to keep his mind off things. Louis throws his legs on the side of the bed to give Liam space behind him and the other three sit on the floor while Zayn shuffles the cards. Harry tries not to look when Louis takes off Zayn's jumper, tries not to count Louis' ribs visible through the bandages or the scabs on his chest, feel his thinness and brokenness than actually seeing it. He tries to focus on his game but he can hardly stand it when Louis is sitting there, his skin all torn.

Louis plays and doesn't notice him, his eyes downcast while Liam takes off the bandages at his back and sides. It gets even clearer then, with no more extra layers or a half-ridden shirt and Harry sees the scars again, so much more real now than back then on the side of the road but then again, it always hits him hard no matter how many times he sees them. They're light over his tan skin and mixed up with yellowing bruises. It's like an abstract work of art with different shades of fresh purpling blues like a side-dish spread and blacks mixed with healing yellow and greens over a canvas of pink and tan skin. There's even bright red, jagged looking and scabbed over bruises on his hipbone just barely visible over Louis' waistband. In all, the colors seem to stretch like elastic and though it's not the first time he sees them, Harry still has a problem thinking of them as part of Louis, because he doesn't know all the stories behind them, doesn't understand how some are so thick and pale and pulled shiny over the rest of him. And Harry sees them and he wonders how on earth did Louis survive and is now sitting with them playing a round of poker, and it's more than a little heart-breaking, to see Louis sitting there and to know he was hurt so cruelly.

''Liam, wait,''

Harry is pulled out of his reverie when Louis speaks and turns.

''I'd like a shower first.'' He says politely.

''Yeah, sure.'' Liam says. He looks around for something and Harry knows.

''Here, Liam.'' Harry presents the lad with the rucksack but Louis takes it instead. He is silent as he pulls out a set of clothing, doesn't question where they've come from like he's used to this too but most importantly, Harry wonders if maybe he caught Harry staring.

''Down the hall?'' Louis checks with Zayn as he stands.

''Yeah,'' Zayn replies. Louis ducks his head and leaves, leaving his pile of cards behind and a view of the fresh red wounds on his back in a temporary display of horror.

The room is silent. The other three can guess that Harry has questions but they stay quiet. Zayn gathers the cards, the game officially over and shuffles them. Niall takes out his phone and opens an App. Liam gathers the bloody bandages and throws them in the bin then pulls out a new set from Harry's rucksack and spreads them ready on the bed.

''Does it get easier?'' Harry asks after a while. He's staring into space as he speaks because the image of Louis' back is somehow still tinted behind his retinas.

''It doesn't.'' Liam says. He's fiddling with a bandage and keeps his eyes on his fingers so Harry can't read his expression.

''And worse,'' Zayn says as he sits against the bed in a more comfortable position and continues shuffling the cards with eloquent hand movements. ''He doesn't take it easy on himself either.''

''Yeah,'' Liam agrees with a dry chuckle.

''He's not blaming himself, is he?'' Harry asks, a bit afraid of the answer.

''Well, I think that when he gets quiet and distant,'' Zayn starts. ''Maybe he starts thinking about them, you know, the scars like maybe it doesn't just paint his skin but paints a horrific picture of his weakness, of everything he thinks he's done wrong, of what he'll never have and what he'll never be, like a proof of all his failures and shortcomings, a daily reminder in case he forgets how flawed he is.'' Zayn sighs. ''You can't really expect him not to think of it that way no matter how wrong it is, right?''

And Harry wants to cry because it would be horrible if Louis does think like that and yet Harry kind of hates that he understands why he would.

 

In the bathroom, Louis fills the tub with cold water and sits in the tub till he's submerged to his chin.

Louis thinks Harry is weird.

He had caught him staring at his scars but there was no disgust in his eyes no matter how hard Louis searched for it. If anything, he just seemed helplessly horrified and that's why, he needed out. But there was no out and Louis was helplessly certain of that. There's just more scars until his mom comes back or until he graduates and finds a job that's decent enough for him to take care of his sisters and move them all out with him because maybe then, Louis can finally break and let his step-dad's slashes press deeper until it cuts him in half because he'd no longer be strong enough to keep it together. His sisters will then take care of him as he knows for certain they would and he wouldn't have to hurt anymore.

But isn't that just a wonderful dream, a safe haven from a nightmare that's become his reality?

Louis closes his eyes and tries to picture it again, daydream of that better future where his life doesn't seem so hopeless, where he's always Louis Tomlinson, golden boy, captain of the football team, best mates with four wonderful boys and a decent pub singer and not Louis Tomlinson who's covered in bruises and has to depend on his friends to keep him together because he's too weak to do it himself.

Sometimes, he feels lower than the dust beneath his shoes, a shell of himself but in all honesty, he is _trying_ really, really hard to stay afloat and it's so exhausting when he's constantly being dragged under and reminded that he's not even second best, or any best on his family's list of 'best kid in the world'. So he depends on tiny little moments he's afforded like closing his eyes in a quiet bath tub where he can pretend he's in a far away place where on the steepest slope, there's an endless road where nobody's crying. Yeah, just like the song.

 

''Whatcha doin?'' Louis says as he returns. Harry looks up from his cards. They've decided to play cards again to fill the silence and Louis returning to his seat on the bed with that one line just brings a bright smile to his face. Louis' got his hair somehow all dried up and its swayed to the left forming a sort of fringe-y, fly away, messy hair look that Harry suddenly likes a lot, like….alotalotalot.

''Playing another round.'' Liam says, making Harry blink. ''Here, take my place.''

Liam gives Louis his cards and gets behind him. He removes the towel off of Louis and starts working on plastering him up again. Louis doesn’t mind. He takes the cards and sees what he's missed. Niall starts a new topic, once again directing it at Louis, something about the score of a football game and that gets everyone going because, well, its football.

Harry doesn't stare as much as before even though Louis is looking absolutely adorable and 'wrappable', so befitting of a set of protective arms that Harry aches to hold him, care for him, hide him from the world. But Louis is looking bright as he's sat perched on the bed and Harry can't help but sneak a few glimpses here and there. He tries his best to adjust and move them up from Louis' smiles to Louis' eyes where they crinkle at a joke or soften as he listens. It works because Louis' eyes are like no other and he can only hope that he's strong enough to keep Louis afloat and convince him not to think of everything Zayn said he could think of.

When Liam is done, Louis hands him back his cards and puts on a clean long-sleeved stripes shirt. Somehow suspecting that Louis is already tired, Harry makes himself lose and the game quickly ends after that. They clear away the chocolate wrappers and the cards, getting ready to sleep.

Each of the boys kiss Louis goodnight. Zayn gives his on the tip of Louis' nose then tells Harry to stay in bed with Louis. Harry didn't understand at first until he sees Zayn go for his sleeping bag on the floor and though he protests, Zayn just shushes him and falls asleep right away. He's been known to do that, Niall tells him. They all say 'I love you' to Louis in their own little way; Niall softly on his forehead, Zayn murmuring on his cheek before pecking his nose and Liam firmly and soothingly on the non-bruised side of his face before he turns off the lights.

The painkillers seem to have put Louis in a calm daze but he still lies on his back gently before letting go and Harry lies down on his back next to him. After a while, Harry turns to his side and very noticeably watches Louis.

''I love Zayn's painkillers.'' Louis whispers in a contented sigh.

''I'm guessing that's a good thing.'' Harry whispers back. In the dark, it's easy to believe that the other boys may not still be awake and hearing every word they're saying because Louis is talking and who's he not to listen?

''It’s a very good thing.'' Louis says.

''Wish you didn't have to take them though.''

''I have to or else…''

''You know what I mean.''

''Yeah,'' Louis sighs, understanding. ''Not up to me though.''

''Well, I'm going to keep you safe, Lou.'' Harry says solemnly but he feels like a broken record. ''I promise.''

''Wish you could, love.'' Louis says very softly.

''I can if you'll let me.''

''Let you what? Take me away from home?''

''Maybe.''

''Can't. He's got the girls.''

''Who said they won't come along?''

''It doesn't work that way, Haz.'' Louis says sounding so hopeless.

''Then at least don't blame yourself.'' Harry says because he needs to get it out there, needs to stop Louis from feeling like it's his fault when its not.

Louis is silent and Harry knows he struck a nerve and his guts are jumbled because Zayn's words are proving their worth and no, Louis can't be blaming himself.

''You…'' Louis starts. In the dim moonlight streaming through the dark room, Harry can make out Louis' outline; almost see him flex his jaws. His eyes are fixed to the ceiling with his chin jutted in pride because maybe he's falling to pieces and he's gotten used to not allowing himself to crumble.

''You don't understand, Harry. There are reasons for this, reasons that you may not understand but they do exist and somehow, they put everything into perspective.''

''Reasons like what?''

''Like why mom left or why he beats me up. I fuck up sometimes, love.''

''Lou, no...''

''Look, I'm not worth it, okay? It sounds very self-deprecating, I know but mom left because she's unhappy and I must be part of the reason that made her that way, alright? It can't just be my step-dad being a shitty husband or a shitty father. I've been a shitty son too, you know, I must have been and my step-dad knows that, he sees that when I don't get a good grade or don't clean up the house on time. He does have a point, sometimes, you know?''

''No, I don't know, Louis because you're talking bullshit.'' Harry says sternly.

''Haz...''

''You're a good person.'' Harry interrupts. "And I know you're a good son too so being that and being a good brother trying to keep your sisters safe doesn't justify you getting your ass kicked.'' Harry says.

''No, Harry that's not my point.''

''Then what?''

''It’s just…aside from what I just said, it was supposed to be okay, me being fucked up. I was supposed to do this alone and get fucked up and nobody would care, like that's just how it's supposed to be.''

''No, that's not acceptable.'' Harry says, realizing a little late that his voice was a little bit loud. ''Sorry.''

''It's alright.''

''No, it’s not alright. You getting hurt, that's not…and it's not your fault either, okay?''

''Then whose fault is it?'' Louis says in a way like everything in him just wants to give up, like something inside him is cracking, like he can't hold himself up much longer, not like this.

''Is it my mom's for wanting a semblance of a marriage befitting of what she deserves? Is it my sisters' for being too young to depend on themselves and needing me strong with no questions asked? Is it my dad's fault for dying in a car crash?'' He pauses. ''I'm weak and pathetic, Harry. Even if I'm not, which I highly doubt, I'd rather he use me as his own personal punching bag than to take it out on the girls because it's simpler that way. I may be too weak to fight him but I can always take a couple more punches, easy but not them, never them. And that, my dear Harold, is the reality of things and as much as I hate it, I'd rather you just pity me and maybe feel bad about me no matter how much I'd resent it coming from you then be on your way because I can't let you get in too deep with me. I just can't allow that.''

''Well I can't allow you to wallow in self-pity, Louis.'' Harry says stubbornly because this is just so wrong. ''I can't. That's not how I'm built. And you are not pathetic. You are not weak. You know what you are?''

''What?'' Louis asks tiredly and his head falls to the side, looking at Harry in the dark and somehow it makes Harry feel like he needs to get this right because maybe Louis needs to believe that Harry can change him.

''You're a quiet boy who acts hard for the world. You're layers of a lot of good things in life; familiar and dear. Sure you're hurt, scared and unsure, resigned to this fate of being exhausted and responsible all the time. But depending on others is not pointless. It does not make you weak. Already you're one of the bravest people I have ever met and yet it doesn't mean I won't help you if you ask me to or that I'd shy away from you when you're wounded. You're stronger than you think but it doesn't mean that you have to be strong all the time. I can be strong for you too. And you're very beautiful, intelligent, loving, stubborn, and maybe too loud for someone so small but I love you anyways and I can’t do anything if you won’t trust me back because honest to God Louis, I just want to take care of you, I swear.'' And Harry, who wears his heart on his sleeve, is nearly in tears by the end of that, because he’s incapable of saying anything heartfelt without crying, really.

Louis is silent but then he comes crushing into Harry and Harry reaches for him, his arms around Louis' neck and his fingers in his hair and his cheek on his head because Louis is shaking and without saying it, he's pretty much demanding to be safe, to feel safe with Harry.

''Promise me you're real.'' Louis gets out and he's so, so scared, like Harry is a bubble about to burst.

''I am and I love you. That's real too.'' Harry says. He kisses Louis hair, keeps his lips there for a moment because tucking Louis further into his chest.

''I love it when you say that.'' Louis says after he's calmed, sounding drowsy and sated.

''Yeah well, you're worth it. You're worth being taken care of and it's not acceptable that it doesn't happen much.''

''Not exactly a priority, I guess.'' Louis snuggles closer, flush against Harry, wrapping his arms around Harry's torso.

''Well from now on, it's my priority. You let me take care of you as best as you can and I'll make you feel safe and warm. I'll listen to you whenever you just need to vent or breathe or anything. I'll take care of you, Louis. I won't ever tire of that.''

''But I don't want to be weak and depend on you all the time.''

''Depending on me is not weakness.''

''Yeah but like, I’ve always been able to make things work, even when they’re hard. Always. And now I don’t know if I can anymore, and I don’t know what to do with that.''

''I'll work things out with you, then.''

''Hmm, sounds perfect.'' Louis sighs with content.

''You're perfect.'' Harry mutters and blushes like mad because he sounds so cheesy.

''You're not going to stop with the complements, are you?'' Louis asks; a hint of humor in his voice.

''You're impeccable and wonderful and there's nothing that would honor me more than being your angel.'' Harry flaunts and it has its intended effect as Louis laughs into his chest and Harry loves hearing it so much he's not sure if he'll remember to speak.

''My angel.'' Louis repeats, like he's dazed and he cannot believe it still. He's always known that Harry is a lovely person, too kind and sweet for his own good. But now, he's also sure that Harry is good. He loves harder than anyone he's ever met, and it's intoxicating, addicting, and he wants to take more than he could ever have. He's never been offered 'good' before that he's forgotten the feeling of comfort, the feeling of safety provided by warm hugs and a steady heartbeat thumping against his eardrum. Harry is all that and he's offering everything he's got that he cannot help but be convinced that Harry is the most truly good person he's ever met, better than he could ever be.


	11. I'll follow you into the dark

''Yeah, I like 'chasing cars' too.'' Harry says. He and Louis have been talking endlessly through the night, whispering and laughing softly. They don't worry about who's listening as Niall's already snoring and Zayn's known to be a heavy sleeper. Maybe Liam but he'd be too polite to pry so they carry on. They talk about bands they like and singers they listen to, favorite lyrics because Harry's an avid fan that way and songs they sing out loud in the shower because Louis' quirky that way.

Harry feels light-hearted; they're not exactly cuddling but they're on their sides facing each other. He's got Louis' head resting on his forearm, his arm folded above his head so the positioning is more comfortable. His other hand is resting lightly in between both of Louis'. Louis seems to always like holding Harry's hand that way, safe between his little ones. It's kind of a fond gesture because it ought to be the other way around. Harry can easily encompass both of Louis' hands in one of his but he lets Louis have his way, the way he always will. They're close enough to feel each other's breaths and the way Louis would sometime nuzzle his nose into Harry's knuckles and remain quiet makes Harry realize how precious Louis has become to him and how he always wants Louis there, even if he doesn't speak because tonight, he wasn't sometimes and Harry feels like missing him all the time.

''I’m not sure I've said this before but… I've missed you.'' Harry says after a while, deciding to voice his thoughts.

''Oh, I miss you too, Harry.'' Louis says, always eager to please.

''Yeah, but I miss you…not hurting.'' Harry says reluctantly. He doesn't want to guilt-trip Louis but he doesn't know how to be dishonest about his feelings or how to keep it to himself.

''Like, it was kind of unbearable, to see you flinching or crying, trembling like you can never stop, making those weird little…sounds, like I’d just stabbed you or wrung your neck.'' Harry shudders at the image and Louis somehow draws closer when he senses how much Harry is disturbed by this.

''I mean… I suppose I get it now but then, the worse of it all was when you got closed-off. You were sitting right there but even when Zayn touched you in the car, it's like you were not even present. Like during dinner tonight, there were times when I felt you slipping away and when we were playing cards, you slipped away again, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I dunno, I just…it scares me and I don't like it.''

''Hmm…'' Louis hums. He lets out a slow deep breath against the crook of Harry's neck.

''I don't really remember doing that.'' he mumbles. Somehow he seems to fold himself even smaller, hugging Harry's arm to his chest like an anchor in a storm, his lips pressing into his knuckles. Harry thinks he's delicate that way without his brash confidence making him larger than life.

''What do you remember?'' Harry asks softly and they both know it’s a request, a leave to have an insight into Louis' innermost thoughts and dark wandering places. Louis finds the offer so tempting, to divulge his fears into the open, shed some light into the valley that he treads alone.

He looks Harry in the eye before he picks Harry's hand and grabs his pointer finger.

Harry swallows as Louis directs his finger and he feels Louis' neck. There's something slightly raised there, thin and smooth. Louis moves his finger and Harry traces the faint scar from left to right on Louis' neck, just above his Adam's apple and below his chin so that it couldn't possibly be visible unless Louis tilts his head back.

''The first time I mentioned mom calling after she left, he threatened me never to bring her up or speak to her ever again, using a butter knife.'' Louis says and Harry can feel his Adam's apple bob as he speaks. Harry wants to say something but then Louis is moving his finger again and he feels stubble then soft skin meet his own as he brushes by Louis' face. As directed by Louis, he feels a faint scar on Louis' brow, hidden obviously by the hairline, but it's rigid, forming irregular lines.

''The first time I defied him and asked for money to buy my school shoes and books, he threw a plate at me and it hit the door, missing my head just by inches when it splattered. It was the last time I ever asked money from him.''

If Harry had words, they were now stuck in his throat, lodged in a knot and closing in on itself.

Louis doesn't stop. He directs Harry's finger to the side of his head, raising Harry's hand a bit further so he can reach. He feels a stretchy patch embedded in the skin beneath Louis' hair.

''The first time he touched one of the girls, he threw me down the stairs and I concussed my skull.''

It's like there's a buzzing in his ears after that, the silence so profound it could be cut by a knife. Louis doesn't know what to do with Harry's silence so he concentrates on breathing. In and out, in and out; that's all Louis can think of as he shakily moves Harry's hand down. But just when Louis was about to bring back Harry's hand to his chest, Harry pulls him to his own, his hand on the back of Louis' head and embraces him with all the love he could give. Louis is trembling a bit and Harry once again fears that once he starts, he'll never stop shaking.

''I'll take care of you.'' Harry promises in a whisper. ''No matter how hard it gets, I'll bring you back. I'm not letting you slip away from me but as long as you'll let me.''

''You're giving me a choice.'' Louis says, trying to sound light but it sounds choked.

''Yes, you always have choices with me, Lou. You do what you want, whenever you want and whatever you need, I'll give you but you have to understand that I need you too, that this isn't just one-sided.''

''You need me?''

''More than you could possibly imagine.''

''But, why? What have I got to offer you?''

''This,'' Harry says as he pulls him closer, too close for comfort but he doesn't care and neither does Louis. ''You give me you, Louis and I know it might not seem to make sense to you but it does to me because you fought someone off for me and took care of me like your life depended on it. You tell me things that no one else knows and let yourself be hugged when things get rough. You don't know how precious those little things about you have become and I am so, so scared of losing you.'' He ends helplessly.

''You fear it too, right?'' Louis asks, his voice so small. ''That one day, he might take it too far and I'll be a gonner.''

''Don't.'' But it's too late because the image is already in his head, a scene in which Louis' head is drowsed in a pool of blood, a plate scattered around his body and a sense of being one step behind, one step too late. Harry squeezes his eyes shut, hugs Louis tighter and a small part of him quietly revels in the smallness of Louis, in his warmth and strength and solidity just under his skin, buzzing with sheer presence. Harry never wants to let go of him.

''Don't think about that.'' Harry says sternly. ''You tell yourself it won't happen, that if you sense the danger of it, you lock yourself in the nearest room possible and you call me to come get you and if not me then the boys and if not us then the police. We can explain everything later if you still don't want the police to know but you call someone. You promise me that you'll always have your phone charged, that you won't let your fingers shake too much to keep you from dialing my number.''

He holds Louis' face between his large hands and puts their foreheads together. He can feel silent tears running down Louis' cheeks, feel his desperate shudders and residual fears coming afloat to the surface so he does his best to keep his voice steady.

''You tell yourself that you need me, that you've made promises to me, that you're not allowed by any means to break them even if I trust you not to break them in the first place. You tell yourself, that even when you get hurt,'' His voice croaks here and a sob escapes Louis' lips. ''That you're strong enough to come back to me because I'll be there to help you get back on your feet, that I'll be gentle with you always and never ever hurt you or take my anger out on you. You tell yourself every day that I love you,'' tears spurt out of Harry's eyes because this is getting hard. It feels like he's going to lose Louis already and if imagining is this dreadful, what if it happens for real? In a sense, he's convincing himself as well as Louis to hang on or else the boat will tip and the sharks will come. ''That I'll never stop being your best mate, that one day, you'll get out of this mess and when the time comes, you'll snatch your chance and walk away from there, hell, I'll cease it for you. I'll be there with you, every step of the way, I swear Louis; you are not going to be a gonner. I won't allow it. I won't. I love you and I won't lose you to this.''

They're full on crying and its crippling fear that's pumping through their veins because this has never been so real before. The chances that things could only get worse has never been more solid before and the thought of Louis being torn to pieces pierces Harry's gut so deep because he fears his promises will go in vain, that there'll come a time where he might not be able to collect all the pieces of Louis and patch him back together.

 

In the end, they fall asleep that way, holding on to each other in a desperate attempt to deny all things more powerful than their grasps.

 

 

''Harry?''

It takes a couple more shakes from Liam's hand for Harry to finally wake up. He groans and yawns, instinctively tightening his hold on Louis.

''What?'' he croaks, his eyes still closed.

''Time for breakfast.'' Liam says.

''What time is it?''

''A little after 10 am.''

''It's the weekend, Liam!'' Harry opens half a lid and looks up at Liam with the best incredulous look he can muster, which of course, falls flat.

''Doesn't mean you get to burn daylight, now wake Louis up and get up!''

Harry cringes at Liam's loud authoritative voice and now that he's properly awake, the noises just make him groan even more.

The house is bustling. He can hear footsteps running around, Niall's contagious laughter, clicking of utensils. He can smell the sweet aroma of breakfast food and his stomach gargles at the thought of munching on some toast.

He sighs and decides to wake Louis up as asked.

He looks down and sees said boy cocooned in his arms. He lets his eyelids flutter open properly and he sighs then smiles tiredly when he sees that Louis’ face, mere inches from his, has tear tracks on them yet he's sleeping peacefully. It was a rough night and Louis was too tired to say anything else and he in turn, was too tired to say anything more.

He remembers tucking Louis into the crook of his neck and telling him to sleep and dream happy dreams but that's about it. Nothing makes him feel warmer than of Louis just being there and to Harry, it’s a wonderful sight to see. Louis' hair is all ruffled and stuck up in all directions yet to a lot of girls, Harry's sure it’s definitely one of the hottest things ever. Yes, Harry is absolutely certain about that and he'll be damned if that Eleanor girl doesn't buckle at the knee at the sight of his messy hair. His eyelashes are casting shadows on his tan cheeks, and his breath is coming out in even serenity. Can he possibly be more adorable?

 Harry wonders if this is what 'safe' is for Louis, what he craves for, what he's been deprived of for so long; a warm body holding unto him, keeping him from getting hurt, protecting him from harm.

Letting his eyes travel down, he notices that Louis' chest is pressed against his, arms curled together around his torso, legs intertwined with the sheets. Looking back at his face, Louis is actually quite perfect in a way he's never realized before, like a pixie or a fairy. He's also a really quiet sleeper and this never ceases to take Harry by surprise. Louis doesn't have a loud snore. He doesn’t hog all the blankets to himself. He doesn't kick around in his sleep. Harry can't help but land a kiss atop Louis' nose. He sighs then slowly gets out of bed, folding Louis' hands so he remains compact under the blankets.

He takes a bunch of fresh clothes with him along with some supplies he brought from home like his toothbrush. He finishes up in the bathroom, taking a quick shower, brushing his teeth and fixing his hair and such before quickly tiptoeing back to a still sleeping Louis. He gets back into the bed and hugs Louis like he never left before whispering to his cheek.

''Wake up, little sunshine.''

Harry kisses the now purplish bruise on Louis' face gently before he goes to kiss the invisible scar in his brow several times, his lips lingering there as he continues to coax Louis awake. Thinking about what Louis had told him, it makes him want to drown Louis' step-father in a barrel of acid. But he also likes knowing, likes keeping these things to heart so he can trace Louis' scars from memory and know the story behind them, know that one day they won't have any additions to them. He desperately wants to put an end to it already and wishes he knew how.

Trying not to start his day negatively, he continues with his ministrations and after a couple more whispering, Louis shifts in his sleep, arms moving to sort of wrap around Harry, head nuzzling his chest and Harry can feel Louis melting into his touch, in a way that's almost childish, innocent.

Louis is smiling before he even opens his eyes because he knows what lies behind his eyelids. He feels so indescribably full, like maybe someone put the sun inside him and left it there, filling him with a serene kind of warmth. Waking up in Harry's protective arms, he feels loved and worthwhile and maybe like even if he makes a mistake, he won't be greeted with a punch or a hurtful word. It’s the best feeling in the universe, to know that he's worth someone's love.

''Morning curly.'' He yawns, pushing at Harry's chest as he stretches. He opens his eyes and finds Harry smiling at him, holding his arms out.

''Morning sunshine.''

Louis comes straight to him, snuggling like he's ready to go back to sleep.

''Hmm, I might never leave if you keep treating me like this.'' Louis muses.

''In that case, you're staying forever.''

Louis laughs, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Harry smells so delicious, like cinnamon and a dash of Zayn's citrusy shampoo. It's soothing in a way that's so calming compared to mornings were he'd wake up to a kick at the door or a pull of his hair.

''I'd like that.'' Louis says and he wishes he could really be that selfish and never leave.

''Then stay.'' Harry says calmly. ''Don't ever go back.''

This brings a pinch to Louis' face because it's too soon for Harry to bring up the inevitable. He pushes away and puts on a fake smile.

''How about breakfast first, yeah?'' he says as he kisses Harry's chin, the part of Harry he can reach then just as quickly gets out of bed. Harry observes him from across the room, watches as Louis stretches and yawns before stopping by the door and looking back at him.

''I'll be in the bathroom. You go downstairs, okay?''

Louis winks, and before Harry can reply, Louis is already gone. Worried, he gets out of bed and catches a glimpse of Louis down the hall before closing the bathroom door. He can't help but wait for him, as weird as that may be but then again, he knows that Louis can't stay holed up in Zayn's place forever and he worries when its time for Louis to return to that hellhole of a place he calls home. So he waits and waits and when Louis finally comes out, he plasters a smile on his face with all his dignity.

However, Louis' face is in a frown, his brow puckered like he's confused or worried about something. Harry meets him half-way, his arms that were ready for a hug fall to his side. Louis is yet to meet Harry's eyes, almost like he's lost and only looks up in the last second when Harry's a step away from him. It's too late to cover it up so he doesn't bother.

''Is everything alright?'' Harry asks carefully.

''Yeah, well.'' He retracts when Harry's brow goes up. He stalls as he scratches his head and can barely look Harry in the eye. ''Umm, it's not important.''

''Louis, tell me.'' Harry insists, taking both Louis' hands in his. Louis looks up at him through his eye lashes and Harry doesn't know if he's blushing because he's embarrassed or because he's ashamed but in all case, Louis does not look comfortable. He's fidgeting and a little bit trembling.

''I, I don't want to tell you.'' Louis gets out and looks Harry in the eye as an attempt to seem convincing which seems to work but it also gets Harry more anxious.

''No,'' Harry starts. ''You're going to tell me because something's wrong and I'm not going to let you go until you spill.''

Louis looks away, frustrated because he can't fight Harry.

''Please be nice to me.'' He begs and there are tears stinging the sides of his eyes. Harry melts at the sight.

''Of course, Lou. I promise. Come here.'' He hugs Louis tight, assures him of his love before pulling back and holding Louis' hands again, stooping a little to meet Louis' eyes.

Louis takes a shuddery breath, he looks so nervous. Harry doesn’t understand what's changed and why Louis is looking so ashamed.

''I… _Ipeedblood_.'' He mumbles, his words a jumble and Harry doesn't quite catch it.

''Sorry?''

''I pissed blood.'' Louis says clearly, his face burning hot, his eyes down.

''Shit!''

''It doesn't hurt or anything,'' Louis says quickly but Harry knows he's lying; the painkillers can't still be that effective. ''Really, it's just…it's been like that since yesterday and…''

''What? Why the hell didn't you say anything?''

''Coz it didn't hurt when I was on painkillers.''

''Well does it hurt now?''

''No,'' Louis' voice becomes small.

Harry's mind goes into overdrive but his silence puts a grimace on Louis' face, regretting telling him. He needs to say something, fast but Harry beats him to it.

''Alright. No biggy, I'll take you to the hospital and you can…''

''No, no, no, I am not going to…'' Louis tries to pull away, trembling now like a leaf.

''Yes, you will. Yes you will.'' Harry holds him tight as his voice coaxes. ''I will take you to the hospital, you can say my name instead of yours, I'll come up with an excuse for the bruises but you are going to get treatment and that's final!'' He ends sternly after his quick ramble because the whole while, Louis was trying to get away and though he was able to slip through Harry's hand; he wasn't fast enough to get past him. Harry holds his biceps to keep him in place and Louis looks up at him in shock and maybe in fear too. Harry remembers to go soft on him.

''Louis, please.'' He begs.

''I don't want to.'' Louis insists.

''Why? Because you think you can take it like its no big deal?''

Louis feels like he just got slapped.

''Let go of me, Harry.''

''I'm sorry but say you'll let me take you to the hospital.''

''I said let go of me.''

''I can't.''

''Why the hell not?'' Harry gets yelled at but he doesn't budge.

''Because I'm not breaking my promises to you.'' He replies fiercely. ''Louis, I love you.''

Louis melts into a puddle of guilt. He should've known better, should've known that Harry's stern assertiveness is nothing if not a sign of care and concern. By now, the other boys would have backed away because they respect him too much and he prefers it that way, expected Harry to do the same. But Harry has grown too close to him, too close to let him go. He takes his every word to heart, follows a path of non-resistance, loves him unconditionally. Louis can't help but feel like he truly matters and that this isn't some show of heroism from Harry, some way to look macho and fierce. He just cares about him what with the way he looks absolutely gutted by Louis' stubbornness at believing he's okay when he's not.

Louis felt like his whole body was crumbling when he was no longer faced with Harry's bubble of sweetness, no pain killers in his bloodstream and he had to take some time to breathe behind the bathroom door, keep his feet from wobbling and giving way. Seeing blood seeping out with his piss added more weight to the pain coursing through his body that morning and seeing Harry care so much he might tear a muscle, he curses himself for putting such a look of torment on Harry's face.

He embraces Harry, his arms around the bigger boy's waist.

''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.''

But Harry will have none of that as he hugs Louis back. He shakes his head and holds Louis close.

''No, no sorry's.''

''I hate myself for yelling at you.''

''No hate, Louis. Please.''

''Can be no hospital too?'' Louis goes for a joke.

''Loubear,'' Harry pulls away slightly, holding Louis by the shoulders. His eyes are so green from this distance, like algae Louis thinks.

''No.'' Harry shakes his head.

''No?''

Harry holds Louis' face. Louis is giving him puppy dog eyes but he won't be fazed by it, no matter how convincing Louis looks.

''I'm really, really scared of losing you.'' Harry confesses solemnly, vaguely remembers saying the same words last night. ''So, please. Yes, hospital.''

Louis can't deny Harry, not when he's being so honest, it hurts. He sighs before leaning his head unto Harry's chest, his hands on both sides of his head, bunching up Harry's shirt in his little fingers. Harry holds him by the waist gently, waiting ever so patiently.

''Okay.''

Harry catches the little respond and tries not to dance and jump and touch the ceiling. So instead he kisses Louis' hair and whispers a sweet, sincere little thank you.

''And Haz?'' Louis pulls back. He needs to make sure Harry looks him in the eye for this because not every day can he be honest about himself, let alone be honest with others.

''Yeah?''

''You'll never lose me. Not if I can help it.''

And considering the circumstance, it is no exaggeration. Harry smiles a genuine one, kisses Louis by the jaw before carrying him in his arms. Louis is a bit startled, laughs when he realizes that Harry's turning and is taking him down the stairs that way, carrying him bridal-style. But Louis' weightless and Harry doesn’t budge no matter how much Louis protests –and his protests are light so Harry is sure that Louis doesn't really mind. When they reach the bottom of the stairs and Harry let's go of him, Louis can't stop laughing, says something about Tarzan before he stumbles into the kitchen, pulling Harry behind him in tow.

 

 


	12. The call

Breakfast is fun. Niall munches on everything and if he wasn't so darn cute then the whole speaking with his mouth full would look proper disgusting. Liam is…well Liam. Even at breakfast, he's authoritative that it takes Harry by surprise when he cracks a joke here and there. Zayn is like a fucking model, what with the way he's slumped lazily on the chair with his hair rocking the wake-up look like a Goth rock star. As For Louis, after taking more painkillers, he's just as bouncy and as careless as ever, so Harry doesn't say anything. He knows he's made a mistake, asking Louis to stay, like he has a choice. He didn't mean to make things difficult and he knows that asking him like that is just going to make it harder for him to let go of Louis as well.

So he chomps it all down along with his breakfast, enjoys the present in which Louis is cracking jokes and making him laugh, where Louis is not so much in pain as he was the day before. He winces a bit because his bruises still sting but other than that, he seems to be himself.

 

Until one phone call puts things into perspective by force.

 

A phone rings, but the boys were too busy laughing their arses off when Niall threw a toast at Zayn and it slapped him flat on the face. It was comical the way he pounced on Niall only to have the blonde lad protected by Liam the mother hen. Louis and Harry were just observing, inches from each other because even without being aware, Harry always leans closer to him, almost gravitating towards him, like a planet rotating around its sun.

It takes a while for them to realize that a phone is ringing, their heads snapping up one by one as they follow the sound of the ringtone and try to pinpoint whose phone is it.

''Haz baby, I think that's my phone.'' Louis says as he looks above Harry's head. ''Could you pass it to me?''

Harry doesn't think much about it as the other two try to start a food war with Liam standing in the way. He reaches behind him and grabs Louis' phone off the counter, handing it to him while looking at Zayn's fingers itching close to a croissant, ready to throw it at a Niall who's also, unobserved, looking for his next weapon of choice.

He doesn't see when Louis frowns at the screen of his phone, doesn't see the way his eyes widen after he answers the phone and says hello. Harry only looks when Liam looks and by then, Louis is already out of his chair, moving slowly out of the kitchen.

''Stop it, you two.'' Liam snaps at Zayn and Niall before his eyes wander back to Louis. Harry is worried because he can't see Louis' face as his back faces them instead. He's about to ask when Louis answers his concerns.

 

''Mom?''

 

The kitchen falls silent. The plates are left abandoned, the tea growing cold. Somehow the aroma of the food mixed with their fun changed into something cold, alien and unbecoming of them. Liam is standing by Harry, his expression unreadable. The other two are silent as well; Zayn's a bit furious and Niall is confused, albeit quite shocked. Harry doesn't know what this means. He knows he should be angry and snatching the phone away from Louis, shouting out all the angry things he has to say to Louis' mom and demanding how on earth she could leave him. But instead, he's piercing holes through Louis' back, wondering what he's whispering about.

''How dare she?'' Zayn mutters when the call takes long.

''Zayn…'' Liam goes for referee.

''Don't start, Payner.'' Zayn interrupts as he kicks a chair under the table. Harry is a bit confused because Zayn is not known for voicing his anger. He's actually a peace-maker more so than Liam is.

''Cool off, will you?'' Liam says because he seems to know where this was going, that Zayn was stopping for no one.

''No, like seriously, how dare she? You know what? How dare he? He said he wouldn't talk to her like this, I mean, look at him, I though I'd be hearing yelling by now.''

''He hasn't spoken to her in two years, Zayn.'' Liam justifies.

''Wait, what?'' Harry interrupts because this is new. He's reeled out of his mind by this small admission, this small fact that's like a punch to the face with teeth getting knocked out of their cavities.

Liam looks at him, confused first then understanding.

''What did he tell you?'' he asks warily.

Harry then realizes that Liam thinks he's been lied to but when he thinks about it, Louis never really did tell him when was the last time his mom called and that at one time, he did mention being worried about what to tell the girls. But oh my God, has it truly been that long? Two fucking years???

''Nothing, he didn't.'' Harry tries to find his voice, tries to keep it from sounding wobbly and shocked. ''He didn't tell me when she last…I…two years?''

Liam's face turns to pity, whether for him or Louis, Harry doesn’t know. Zayn's anger has been reigned when the sadness of the situation hits harder than the anger boiling within and Niall, well, he's been known to turn silent when things like this happen and in all honesty, Harry cannot blame him because what can he say to erase this?

''He keeps himself going by holding unto the fact that she did call a couple of times before.'' Liam says, his voice numb. But Harry doesn't notice because he's replaying the words back in his head.

_A couple of times._

_Two years._

That's it? That's all Louis gets?

''And God, if only things weren't getting worse.'' Liam wrings his hands and turns away towards the sink, his head slumped like he's decapitated.

''He needs her.'' Harry voices Liam's thoughts because that actually seems to make sense. Louis cannot afford to make his mom mad at him because he needs to be good enough for her to return. Harry feels his breakfast in his throat.

 

It's like heaven hearing her voice, Louis thinks. He's actually talking to his mom. He's in Zayn's house, he's hurt but he's talking to his mom. Finally the world is looking good again. Deep down he thinks he shouldn't hope so quickly, that maybe it’s a trap but he can't help this because things are getting worse and he needs to be good for her so that she'll come back.

''You're coming home, right?'' he says, not aware that he just interrupted his mom who was just asking about the girls and how they're doing at school.

''Boobear…'' And God, the way she says his nickname, so sweet and loving, he can't be blind to this, he can't not believe that she doesn't care about him.

''You are, aren't you? That's why you're calling right?'' And maybe deep down he knows he sounds desperate, holding unto his phone with both hands like it's his precious mom. Maybe he's even verging on pathetic but he can't help himself because if there's something he's sure of, is that he'll kiss the ground that she walks on if that's what it takes.

''I don't know, honey.''

''Well, what do you want to know? I'll tell you.''

''Well, Frank…''

''You don't have to go back to him.'' He interrupts. His voice is quiet carefully guarded now, a little bit contained. He's taught himself not to get too excited, not to build himself up to a place where the fall nearly kills him but he's planned this and his composure slides down the drain as he talks because this is his chance, his ticket out.

''You can buy a new house. I'll take up another job to pay it with you and we can get the girls two rooms with bunk beds so it doesn't have to cost much. I'll sleep on the couch until I graduate and get my own flat and you and Tom,'' He makes sure he says his name with no vehemence. ''You can both have your own bedroom. I'm sure the girls won't mind and…''

''I'm not coming back, boo,'' she interrupts softly.

It takes a while for her words to sink in and have its effect. He's staring at a wall in the living room nearest the balcony, his eyes looking at nothing but oak white, the color of the wallpaper but then things turn a shade dim when the words hit. It hits harder a second later, like thunder coursing through his veins.

''I…I don't understand.'' Louis tries. In hindsight, he knows he's trying to buy time.

''I know this is hard and it's hard for me too. I miss you all so much.''

''I miss you too, mom.'' Louis says in earnest, begging her to understand, to appreciate his loyalty, his undivided love.

''I know, sweetheart. I do love you and its good hearing your voice. You sound great.''

''No,'' Louis retracts because this sounds like a good bye. ''No, don't change the subject. Are you coming back or not?''

''Lou baby, Tom and I can't afford a new house in Doncaster.'' Louis' mom tries to explain and he doesn't understand how her voice can still sound so sweet when she's tearing Louis' world apart.

''We just bought a new one a while ago and we've finally settled down. Tom's working two jobs and we're still trying to get on our feet, you know?'' Louis wants to say he doesn't know because he hasn't known shit for the past two years.

''Besides, Frank can afford to take care of you…''

''But he doesn't love me.'' Louis says desperately. ''He hates me, he hates the girls.''

''Don't say that, Louis.'' she says sternly.

''Yes I can, it’s the truth.''

''Look, he's not the best parent in the world, I understand but he's still their father and he's always been a father to you too, ever since you were younger, he cared about you and still does, I'm sure.''

''But you care about me more.''

''I do, honey. I love you.''

''Then I don't understand. How can you love me and still not come back…I mean, you're still not coming back?''

 

At this point, Harry takes a step towards Louis. He's already been jittering since Louis' step-father entered the conversation but Zayn doesn't let him leave. He says something about Louis needing to hear this, needing to know for certain that he can't rely on her anymore, that whatever plan he had of getting out should not have included her in the first place. It's cruel and harsh, Harry thinks and he wants to hug Louis desperately and get him to a hospital already because it seems that Louis' mom is just delivering one blow after another.

''Mom, please, just come back.''

And they're all pretty sure that Louis is crying right now and he's begging, his mom reduced him to begging and Harry has never loathed her more.

''But the girls need you. I need you. We can't go on like this. I've been good enough for you, I swear.''

Another silence but then Louis' breathe hitches.

''No, just hear me out. I'll prove it to you. I've been good, I promise. You won't have to be sad this time around, mom. We'll make you happy, I swear. I've been doing my chores regularly, honest.'' Louis says it earnestly, hoping its making his mom proud. ''Remember how you always snapped at me for leaving my clothes on the floor? Well, I don't do that anymore; I've learned how to do the laundry and I go to the grocery store every weekend. I'm still stacking up on my homework but I get them done, I swear. And the girls, I know all their favorite food and I make sure they brush their teeth before they sleep, just the way you like it and you won't have to be snappy about them getting in bed in time coz I've got that covered, like I can get it done now in record time, you'll see. And I'm football captain again, did you know? I do as much on the field as I can with my school work and you'll enjoy the games, I promise you. I'll probably get a football scholarship too if I keep it up and you won't have to pay for college tuition. Isn't that great? Don't you think it would be wonderful to see you on the stands again? You loved watching me play, remember? It's gonna be fun again, mom, don't you think?'' He says hurriedly, wants to get through the list of his achievements as proof that his mom won't have to lift a finger when she comes back, like Louis has prepared some kind of mansion for her. What mom wouldn't want to come back after hearing this? Harry thinks.

''Just come back home and you'll see, I promise you. Please, mom.''

Harry can't take this. Why on earth does Louis need to prove himself? His need for his mom ought to go without saying, hell she should just yes from the start. Harry goes to move again because hearing Louis say that he's now good enough is crippling but Zayn's gripping his elbow tight, and Harry is surprised because he didn't feel the boy get off his seat. But Zayn's there alright, restraining him from taking another step. Harry goes to glare at him but the latter boys' eyes are on Louis.

''He hurts me, I swear to God, he hurts me and I need you to do something!''

Harry knows that its taking all of Louis' pride and dignity to admit this because Louis sure wants her to come back to protect him but a bigger part of him wants her back as proof that she still loves him and his siblings. He can also sense from Louis' desperate tone that admitting this was a last resort, that he'd never want to say something so humiliating –which Harry disagrees with, of course – and resort to begging to be rescued like a damsel in distress. He wouldn't count on it even from his mom.

''I'm not lying!!!'' Louis all but shouts hysterically and Harry is infuriated because why would someone lie about something like this?

''Discipline? Oh for crying out loud.''

Louis' tone turns sarcastic but it's all anger in there, frustration fueling his voice.

''That's not true!''

And Zayn curses because really? What is it that she's not hearing? Or has she gone mute? Her son just said he's being hurt and she thinks its discipline. Of course, Harry knows she might not understand because she doesn't see, might seem to be confused about what Louis really means because he hasn't mentioned the bruises and the punches but sadly, he knows that Louis won't mention that to her.

''No, mom, please, I love you. Please, just wait. No, don't hang up on me. Please, just tell me one more time, I don’t understand.''

And God why is he asking for reasons in which she can justify herself?

''There, you said it. You just said it again. Isn't that good enough?'' Louis interrupts hurriedly, grasping at some fault in what she's saying like it would convince her to see the light.

''Mom, no! You love me!! You love me!!!'' Louis punches the wall repeatedly with every sentence he manages through his sobs and Niall almost jumps from his seat. Whatever Louis' hearing now, it makes the latter's head slump on the wall as he says something incoherent down the phone, then more begging and more weeping.

''No,'' the last world comes out defeated, extended and heavy like an iron clad, sinking Louis to his knees, his hand limp on the wall, not even trying to keep himself up.

Louis is on an onslaught of tears. Sunken on the floor, the phone falls from his ear and he lets out a sob so broken, it hurts Harry physically.

Zayn doesn't stop him this time as Harry rushes to Louis' side, his eyes welling up as well. Harry pulls him to his lap and Louis just falls on his chest, the phone discarded and so is his sense of preservation. He lets Harry hug him with a sense of helplessness, of not knowing what else to do anymore because every hope he had has just gone to shit and Harry cannot even like  _that_ , cannot appreciate that Louis is leaning on him, solid against him because he wants Louis to _know_  what he wants and do it. But of course, all that Louis wanted – as much as Harry hates to admit it – was for his mom to come home for him but now, with the way that Louis is just letting out a series of wails and sobs, now, its all over. The battle is lost and the dream is dead.

''I'm sorry, Lou. I'm so sorry.'' Harry says truthfully. He cards his fingers through Louis' hair, the way Louis likes, hoping to induce comfort through actions and words.

''Whaaa, what am…I…go…gonna...dddo?? Whaa…?'' Louis tries to talk around shuddering breaths, mangled sobs but he can't speak straight, not when his whole body is raking and trembling.

''God, Lou, I'm really sorry. I love…'' But that was a wrong approach.

''She doesn't love me!!'' Louis shouts brokenly, punching Harry's chest as he vents out all his frustrations and despair, anger and pain, the realization like water drowning him and shouting it out is like trying to break free from the suffocation.

''Ha…Harry, why…why, doesn't she…you love me. Why doesn't she…?'' Louis can't finish, can't say it again.

''I don't know. I wish I knew.'' Harry's voice is small because he wishes he could have answers for Louis, give him the world, bring his mom home for him but he can't. He can hold Louis tight though and even though his shirt is getting drenched with Louis' snot and tears, he doesn't let go.

''I told her…about getting hurt. I told her I mm…miss her. I…I asked her to come back. I said please. Ha…Harry, I beg… begged her. I said please.'' Louis says in a rush, like he's reviewing what he'd said, trying to know what had gone wrong like maybe he was the one at fault, that he'd said something incorrect and pushed her away. Harry shakes his head.

''You said all the right words, babe. I heard you and you said nothing wrong, I swear.''

''Then why???" And Harry jumps when Louis hits his chest again but then hugs Louis tighter when a new wave of sobs rakes Louis' body. In a way, Harry is a bit glad that Louis is angry and taking it out, even if he's taking it out on him because Louis is rarely angry and Harry thinks that maybe deep down he's just as furious as the rest of them, but is so used to keeping calm and collected that he doesn't allow himself this moment of weakness. So many things he doesn't allow himself, Harry begins to realize; Louis doesn't allow himself to cry like this, doesn't allow himself to give up on his mom, doesn't allow himself to be weak because of his step-father; the last one is cause for the rest of things that Louis doesn't allow himself to be, like truly happy and truly content. So Harry allows himself to get hit, welcomes the blooming pain in his chest as Louis cries on him, chokes out more words that are just as disconnected as his thoughts, breath wheezing, tears never ending.

Harry just holds him gently against his chest and kisses Louis' hair, drips on it a little because Louis is crying so of course he's crying too. He can't swallow past the knot in his throat but then again, Louis can't breathe past his tears so he doesn't try to bother for minute insignificant comfort. He notices that Zayn and Niall are nowhere to be seen and he suspects it's probably because Niall is crying somewhere and is of no use to Louis and that Zayn is with him to not make him feel bad about himself. He doesn't hate Niall for his softness, though, thinks that the world needs people like that, people that think less about themselves because they're too busy crying for others, people so sweet, they carry themselves lightly as they tread the world. He doesn't think bad things about Niall, not even about Zayn for picking Niall over Louis because Liam is there right next to them and he suspects that Liam had sent the black-haired boy to their blonde Irishman in order to divide their efforts of comforts and give everyone the attention they need.

Harry looks over at Liam for a minute, confused as to why he's holding Louis' phone. Liam seems to be dialing something over and over again until he gets frustrated and just watches Louis in silence, looking sadder than Harry's ever seen him. He's crying too which is a first for Harry to see even though he's trying so hard to be strong. Harry doesn't mind because he's crying just as silently so he lets Liam try to hold himself up because one of them needs to be strong for Louis or both of them, doesn't matter.

''What am I gonna do, Haz?'' Louis asks brokenly as his sobs subside. He's limp against Harry; similar to the way it was two nights ago when he was bleeding out. Harry holds him up, keeps his arms strong and unwavering, his fingers through the strands of Louis' feathery hair.

''I've lost my plans. I've lost her.'' Louis says as fresh tears brim over.

''But you haven't lost us.'' Harry reminds him softly. ''You got your boys right here, Lou and we'll help. We'll help as much as we can.''

''I wish that's enough.''

Harry is not fazed by Louis' honesty, though it hurts a little bit because Louis' right; he knows it's not enough.

''I know but you don't have to think of a new plan right away. You don't have to think of a new one on your own either. You can let us help this time.''

''I just want to die.''

Harry's heart skips a beat. He holds Louis' head to the crook of his neck, his other arm in a death grip around his back because this is unacceptable.

''No, you are not allowed to think that. No.'' he says stubbornly.

''Please, just let me give up.'' And no, Harry will not let him beg again.

''No, I won't let you. I will not let you, you hear me?''

''He'll kill me anyway. It's just a matter of time and I can't take it anymore.'' Louis says brokenly and Harry knows him well enough to see right through him. Louis is not saying that his step-dad will actually kill him but that Louis is at the end of his ropes and that he's not strong enough to stand up to the next punch anymore, that he might just let himself crack through and die.

''Then I'll help you. Please, I want to help.''

Louis doesn't say anything. He cries some more then just slips into unconsciousness, too tired, too hurt and too burned out.

Harry keeps holding him, finding no discomfort in sitting there on the floor with Louis in his lap. He combs through Louis' hair, pushing it away from his face, but Louis' hair is limp and damp, his fringe loose and not wavy like it always is. Harry doesn't care. He kisses Louis' forehead, wipes away Louis' tears every now and then because even in his unconscious state, Louis is crying.

''I tried to call his mom.'' Liam says, clearing his voice when it cracks from lack of use. Harry looks up at him in a dim haze. Liam waved Louis' phone at him for emphasis.

''Thought I'd dial the number she called from but it was from a payphone so, dead end.'' Liam says and the words are scary accurate because it is a dead end, even from the start. Louis was the one who deluded himself into thinking it could work but the boys cannot blame him for that, knowing that they would've done the same thing. Harry nods.

''You should probably carry him to bed.'' Liam suggests. Harry nods.

''Wanted to bring him to the hospital after breakfast but…'' Harry says, not knowing why.

''He agreed?'' Liam's eyes go wide at that.

''Yeah, why wouldn’t he?''

''He never lets us bring him, not when he can help it.'' Liam supplies. ''Always going on about us paying the bills and that's just the least of it.''

''The bigger issue being?''

''Something about how hard it is for us to watch and say nothing when he lies through his teeth.'' Liam answers then sighs, his eyes dim and sad. ''Frank bangs his head on the counter; he says it’s a footie injury. Frank breaks his cheekbone with a mug; he says he fell off a bike and hit a rock. He thinks it gets old,'' Liam looks at Harry as he continues, ignoring the look of shock on Harry's face. ''But trust me, watching him lie and make one excuse after another, trust me, it doesn't and you know why? Because it doesn't end and his silence is not helping.''

''He doesn't want to lose his sisters, Liam. You have to understand that.''

''But they'll be protected.'' Liam counters. ''If he goes to the police and talks, he can send Frank to prison and sure, he'll go to foster care but there's a high chance he'll land a good family to take care of him, provide for him. Hell, I'll convince mom to adopt him.''

''And what about the girls?'' Harry asks tiredly. He thought about this before, during many of those nights where he couldn't sleep because Louis was out there working and toiling and he on the other hand was safe and warm under his blankets. Against Zayn's better judgment; he had talked to his mom about Louis in a moment of exhausted honesty, told her about him getting hurt but not the gory, flashy details, just the psychological hurt. He had suggested to his mom about taking Louis in but even he can't impose on her and his own step-dad the burden of taking on four other kids aside from his best friend. It won't matter if he works too or if Louis takes a second job or if his step-father agrees. The fees and money will still be insurmountable and he can't do that to Louis because he only promises him things he can keep and he doesn't want to sell him short. Plus, he can't do that to his mom either. In a desperate attempt, he had gone online to search for services that specializes in finding new homes for kids in similar situations to his best friend, houses that would take care of Louis and the girls but most he found where either too far from their schools or not mixed and he knows that Louis would rather put himself in harm's way than to separate the girls from him.

Harry then thought that maybe Louis was exaggerating so he did some research into the whole adoption system, orphanages and house care for abused kids and stuff like that. What he read though, was close to horror. There are success cases but there are bad cases too and that made the bad look worse than the good because it just means that Louis doesn't have 100% guarantee of being placed in a better home. Harry read that a lot of siblings have been split up because they have to go to all boys or all girls houses but they don't get to meet sometimes for years because the system loses them from too much transfer from one house to another. He read about toddlers being put in a home with teenagers, some violent, some subdued but there are always cases of not fitting in, of fights, of getting caught up in drugs and alcohol. One story he read was about this boy and two sisters. The boy was older and the girls were put in a separate –only girls- home. The boy had asked for his sisters whenever he can only to find out that they too had been split up against his expressed wishes and that the people responsible wanted to hide this fact from him. The boy found one of the girls later on but the other was lost forever.

That pretty much sealed the deal for Harry. Not that he's damning the system but its obvious that it doesn't work all the time, that it also goes wrong and he can't do that to Louis, not after how hard he's been fighting for his girls' safety. Liam, on the other hand, is holding unto the good 50% of the deal, of trusting the system to hopefully get it right.

''The girls? That's easy, we'll each take one.'' Liam says.

''Meaning?'' This is new.

''Okay, I say, for example, you take Louis. I take Lottie. Niall can take the twins and Zayn can take Fizz. They'll be separated for a while but when we graduate, we can help Louis get an apartment in a good environment. We'll help him get a steady job and from there…''

''God Liam, its easier said than done!'' Harry snaps. Liam is dreaming. Even if they each contribute financially, it's still going to need way more than they can conjure up. Besides, Louis in an apartment by himself with the girls? Who'll babysit them? Who'll cook them meals? Who'll drop them off to school when he heads to college, when they all head to college? There's no way Louis can take care of four girls on his own. And he knows that if Louis hears this plan, he might accept but then what? He'll take on four jobs? Not sleep? Because he'll have four mouths to feed and that doesn't even include his own!!!

''Well of course, it's going to be hard.'' Liam says indignantly, feeling insulted. ''But do share, if you have another plan!''

''Yes, a plan that does well by Louis, a plan where he doesn't work himself to death, a plan where he comes first too.'' Harry retaliates. Liam opens his mouth to retort but then Louis stirs in Harry's arms. They both look at him as he tries to adjust then he just huffs tiredly before falling helplessly still. Louis doesn't usually move when he's under so Harry knows that he's being disturbed.

''Look, can we not talk about this now?'' Harry says quietly. Liam looks at him with a resigned expression.

''Sure. I'll drive you to the hospital when he wakes up. If you still want.''

''You mean if he still wants.'' Harry murmurs as he carries Louis and gets off the floor. Liam pretends like he heard nothing and follows him to Zayn's room where Zayn and Niall are sitting on the floor. They both stand up when Harry and Liam enter. Niall wipes his face and Zayn stands next to him.

''Is he alright?'' Zayn asks.

''Yeah, just tired.'' Liam says. Harry puts Louis on the bed then covers him with blankets. He can't help but kiss Louis' forehead and whisper an 'I love you' before pulling away.

 

The weekend passes in silence. Solemnity and devastation is accompanied with waiting and trying to make up. Harry figures out why the boys are unequipped in dealing with a silent Louis because it's different when Louis is right there rather than sitting all alone at the school's rooftop.

When Louis wakes up in time for lunch, he sits down obediently when the food is ready, but doesn't join the conversation. Anything directed at him is met by a blank stare like he hadn't heard a thing. The boys don't try to tell him what he misses after the first couple of times, opting for leaving him to his thoughts.

And when Harry tells him to get ready to go the hospital, he nods like a robot and goes, sitting in silence in Liam's car. Harry squeezes his hand but is met by nothing in return. He drops Louis' hand to see if he could get a reaction out of him from that too, but nothing.

At the local clinic –because if he can help it, Louis avoids going to the general hospital because it reminds him of his mom's work place – Louis does all the talking, tells the nurse that he needs to see a doctor, then, because he has no appointment, takes a seat and waits. The boys wait with him – all of them came- and the silence is not so awkward when they're surrounded by crying babies.

Louis stares into space, Liam reads a magazine, Niall plays games on his phone and Zayn steps out a couple of times to smoke or lay his head on Liam's shoulder to sleep. He can really sleep anywhere, Harry thinks. He reads a magazine as well but tries to make small talk with Louis when he gets bored but the other boy is still not responsive. So he sits in silence too.

When it's finally Louis' turn two hours later, Louis just gets up and goes, leaving the boys in their seats. After half an hour, he's out with a prescription. Liam takes it and buys the medicine prescribed there at the nearby pharmacy. It's pretty much clear to Harry that Louis' lied because in 10 minutes they're on their way to Liam's car, with no questions from a nurse or a doctor about waiting till the cops arrive or some abused-children's official to take down statements. He finds out that Liam is right because he can barely keep his knuckles from turning white at the thought that this is how Louis deals with his injuries, with lies covering up everything that's wrong and getting to walk away with it because he makes it so easy to believe him.

In the car, he holds Louis' hand again and this time, Louis squeezes back but doesn't talk. Harry just takes what he can.

Back in Zayn's house though, when Niall offers a game of FIFA, Louis just sits down in the living room and watches them play, says he's tired and not in the mood.

So, the others play, try to keep their game interesting at the very least to keep him entertained. When Harry plays, he does it on purpose to add wrong moves here and there even though his play has always been shitty, simply to try and get Louis to correct him, to say anything but Louis just stares blankly at the screen.

The whole afternoon passes that way, with each one of them attempting at something to grab Louis' attention, to get his mind off things. Zayn plays music, puts on his R&B hits and hums along. Niall goes out and buys some snacks from the local store nearby. When he returns, he lays out Louis' favorite food on the coffee table like butter cookies and Gummy bears, caramel-covered peanuts and truffles. Liam keeps asking him if he needs something, brings him blankets, a sweater, gives him his new medicine on time. Eventually, Louis gets up to call his sisters and check on them before he goes and takes a shower and the boys all hate themselves when they sigh because they each think its one of relief when in truth its one of frustration.

They continue playing until Louis comes out an hour later. Liam asks if he wants his bandages changed but Louis shakes his head, says the wounds are already healing and that there's no need. They know it’s a lie because wounds like his don't heal overnight but they let him be.

Harry asks about his sisters and he says that they've eaten which of course doesn't say if they're fine or not so Harry suspects the latter. He catches Niall's look of relief though and he remembers that it's him who brought the girls food and so, even though he wasn't direct about it or is not in the mood to talk, Louis pretty much just thanked Niall and Harry loves him for it.

However, Louis is still distant and shunned from them and Harry feels like he's losing his head. He's never felt so helpless before, so out of depth to Louis' most innermost thoughts so he gets Zayn and they go and renew Louis' emergency rucksack. But even the company of chilled and quiet Zayn doesn't ease him because Zayn is nothing but guilty and pissed; guilty that he didn't let Harry get to Louis sooner and pissed that even if he did, it wouldn't have changed anything. It's like opening an old wound or going back to a time where you wish you could change things. Harry doesn't want to relive it but he lets Zayn vent anyways.

They come back and dinner is being set. Zayn's mom came back from work while they were out and she's in the kitchen cooking for them something that smells so good, it stirs Harry's appetite. But Louis' smiles don't reach his eyes when she speaks to him. His answers are short and sometimes clipped and eventually when dinner is done and Trisha leaves to go to her room, Louis immediately drops the pretence, like he was actually trying. Zayn doesn't say a thing; simply because when he catches Louis sneak out and hug Trisha at the top steps like it's an apology, then it's not worth it being remotely angry. Harry hears Louis tell her goodnight, and though he doesn't see his eyes when he says it, he's almost quiet positive that there's wishful longing in his voice and Harry takes note to call his mom and tell her that he loves her.

Liam prepares himself to go to Louis' work but Louis stops him, says he'll go instead. He's still in a little bit of pain, winces at a move here and there but he insists, says he needs to take his mind off things and get back home. Only for that reason, Liam agrees to drop him by. But Harry has other plans. He asks if he could come along in his car, says he'd like to see the place where Louis works at, just out of sheer curiosity. Louis doesn’t bother with an answer, just packs and gets ready to go. Niall decides to take off as well, hugging Louis awkwardly before thanking Zayn and the rest for their company and leaving. Liam, Harry and Zayn get ready then wait for Louis to come downstairs. Things have never been more awkward between them.

So Liam drives with Louis in the backseat and Zayn next to him. Harry drives behind them in his own car. It's dark and the long winding road seems bleak. Harry wishes he could be in Liam's car, sitting next to Louis, maybe offer a cuddle or something. But there he is, driving, trailing behind them instead, his headlights throwing off different shades of sparks tinting off Liam's car.

He knows what Louis' thinking, or least he thinks he does, that all hope is gone, that there's no way out, that he's stuck and not even in a crossroad where he could simply be confused by the directions he wants to head towards.

 

And Harry is at the tip of right and going downhill, closer to Louis' thoughts than the latter lad thinks but not close enough.


	13. Bring me back, bring me back to you

Louis counts the number of creases on the back of Liam's brown leather seat, sitting with his legs to his chest and his head tilted on his knees so he can see but the background sound of the engine and the whirl of wind glazing the car make Louis think and he can't wait to start working so he can drown his thoughts away. Till then, they swarm his mind like a bee-hive, causing an ache deep in his chest. It's like that call from his mom just sealed his fate, that he has no way out because she was _it_.

But no more.

He isn't stupid; he knew better than to depend solely on one possibility, but she was his mom.

That was it all along, why it was hard to formulate a back-up plan, because his mom was a certainty, a bullet-proof reason out there that said he's loved. But now, thinking back to what she had said, it's hard to see that she ever loved him.

It sinks in now, in a slow more painful way, like being in a room where the oxygen slowly runs out and your breaths become more shallow and rough.

_''I'm not coming back, boo.''_

She might as well have dug a knife deep into his chest and that 'boo'? Yeah, that's her twisting the handle.

Therefore, he finds no other way to explain this; that he's nothing but a pile of shit, useless and deserving of punishment or else, why is this happening to him? Why does he feel undeserving of his step-father's love and of course, his own mother's?

Maybe if he'd been a better son, more obedient and submissive, then she wouldn't have left, would have stayed because he was worthy of her protection, would have loved him instead of taking it all away with her.

Maybe if he was serious in his studies, talked less about football and a career in singing and more about future college aspects and his math homework, then his step-father wouldn't think he was such a waste of space.

Somehow, he feels disowned, abandoned to rot and cave under the weight of his pathetic life. He can't think of any other way to explain it, can't see beyond the fact that there must be something repulsive about him to make his parents hate him to the point of beating and abandonment.

That's why it brings relief when he pretends, brings some sort of escapism when he goes to school and all these people love him. He doesn't see that they actually like him because, well, his own parents don't, so how can they? Its selfish to preen under their attention, he knows that and that's why its so easy to let it feel like an act, him being happy and respected because these kids who look up to him can't really respect him if they know the truth, if they find out he lets the shit kicked out of him and says nothing to stop it.

Yeah, they'll definitely hate him and it’s a wonder to Louis that they haven't figured out that he's nothing but a false sense of bravado with a spine of a jelly-fish for strength.

His only real friends are the boys and though they've proved time and time and again that they love him for who he is, its times like these when he feels low, that their voices sound distant, muted beneath his thoughts of self-hate.

It's easier to convince himself that Harry is just plain nice and naturally kind, that he's nothing special to deserve it. Besides, Harry can never understand, can never just know without having to be explained to. Sure, he's done it before but that's just first time luck. How can Harry hold him when Louis will flinch from him, sing in comfort when Louis' thoughts are crowding his mind, put water to the flames when the fire searing his skin is invisible?

In Liam's car, with these thoughts surrounding him like a pack of hyenas, Louis feels trapped, spread-out eagle with his limbs being pulled from every direction, his left arm being pulled by his step-father, his right arm being pulled by the twins, his left leg being pulled by Lottie and Fiz, his right leg being pulled by the boys, or being pulled by Harry as he stands between him and the boys, like a wedge.

But it seems that his step-father's pull is strongest, taking on all of them, while Louis gets ripped apart in the process. At this thought, he shudders, putting his forehead on his knees to cover the creases forming there.

He feels all those old bruises strumming through his blood, like they never really healed, just buried underneath his skin, lurking in the dark and catalyzed into action when his memories of them blink into place.

He remembers the split second before he blocked out, back when Frank threw him down the stairs and how in that suspended moment in the air, all he could remember was seeing the front door and thinking that it needed to be cleaned.

He remembers how his face had felt like melting to the bone when Frank threw the content of his freshly-brewed coffee in his face before he struck him with the mug, saying it tasted like shit. The scorching sting to his eye, the blazing fire on his skin and the sound of distinct cracking seemed to happen in slow motion instead of a few seconds before he was doubled over.

He remembers feeling the weathered leather of Frank's belt, the smell of its raw material as it collided with his back, scalding agony shooting up to his brain, mixing the smell with his blood. Just the thought of remembering is like feeling them all again, every single lash, every bruise and every punch that made him feel less than the dirt beneath his shoes. He shudders again and whimpers, too deep in his thoughts to notice that his skin is not really on fire, that his bones aren't really breaking.

''Lou?''

Zayn reaches for him. He's been hunched in his seat the whole ride, his arms around his legs, pressed against the corner of his seat. Only when the car has stopped that Zayn notices that he's shaking so he reaches for him but immediately retracts his hand when he sees Louis' eyes, wide and glossed over with fear, staring at nothing yet he looks so far away.

They've arrived in front of the night club. Liam had parked a couple of blocks away and is looking back at the both of them. He's been glancing at Louis all through the ride but didn't notice he was actually shaking until Zayn reached out to touch him. He notices that Louis looks afraid, like his thoughts are eating him inside out, holding himself tightly, wound up and on the verge of tears. This doesn't happen often, or maybe it does but not usually in front of them, where Louis slips into a bad place in his head and sometimes it blows into a flashback. Liam takes off his seatbelt and is about to get out of his seat and get back there with them, when a shadow looms outside the car.

Liam jumps when he hears a knock to the window a split second after. It's Harry and he belatedly remembers that the curly-haired lad was following them and now has his car parked ahead of his.

Zayn opens the door and slides out, letting Harry get in. Liam unlocks the passenger door and lets Zayn sit in the passenger seat next to him.

''Boobear, talk to me.'' Liam hears Harry's words, and he wants to say something because Harry is not equipped with this, but Zayn puts a hand on his shoulder which automatically stops him.

''Get inside,'' Zayn tells him firmly but gently. ''Get to work.''

Liam understands. He doesn't want to leave Louis like this but he doesn't want the lad to lose his job either. So, reluctantly, he goes, leaving his keys with Zayn.

Harry is not touching Louis, but is leaning down to try to catch his eye. His voice is soft, strained a bit but so, so sweet, whispering words of comfort and calling for Louis with every pet name he knows.

“Lou, darling? Louis c'mon; come on back, baby. Shh, come on back, sweetcheeks. Pay attention to me, sunshine…please? Please, Lou baby. Focus on me, I’m right here. It’s not him, it’s Harry. Its two-left feet, bad jokes Harry who cheers like a girl when you score a goal and who cuddles up with you in bed. Hush, breathe Lou, please.” Harry is saying, and though it helps, it’s not enough.

Louis knows that much. He tries to steady his breathing, run from the stupid flashback making him shake with fear and pain, but he just can’t, he's not strong enough.

Harry goes to touch him, pets his hair at least because maybe a touch can bring him back but Louis gasps when he feels fingers on his head, a sound leaving his throat that's somewhere between a whine and a choked sob, and Harry’s hand is immediately gone, apologies falling from his mouth.

''Shit, I'm so sorry Lou. But please, just come back. Don't fall apart on me, please.'' Harry begs.

But Louis's eyes are still wide and glossy, tears sliding off his cheeks and down the length of his nose, seeing things that are not there, things that happened, things that hurt him. He's rocking back and forth, muttering undecipherable words, breaths short and strained.

''St…stto…sstopp,'' he stutters, clenching his eyes shut against the terrible flashback where he can hear his bones breaking, feel his head colliding with the floor at the bottom of the steps, the smell of his blood. When he opens them, it's still no use; he sees the belt coming, the punch reeling, the words, so hurtful.

''Lou Lou,'' Harry waves his hand in front of Louis' face in a desperate attempt but it has zero effect so he speaks again. ''Lou baby, whatever it is, whatever you're seeing, it's not real. It was real then sure, but it's not real now, not when we're here. Not when…''

''Mom doesn't want me either.'' Louis mutters, though his words are muted but distinct enough for Harry to catch. ''I know, I know.''

It doesn't seem like he's talking to Harry or Zayn for that matter. Harry is terrified, the closest he's seen Louis like this was all those nights ago when said boy woke up and ran to Zayn's arms. But this hardly compares.

''Don't beat yourself up.'' Harry says sternly, desperate to get Louis out of that mindset. ''Don't do this to yourself. Think about what I've always told you. Remember what I've said; that I want you, I'll always want you to be my friend. C'mon Lou, come back to me, please.''

It's a low move, to play like he's the one in need but he knows now that Louis can't resist helping others, that he'll go out of his way for them and here's Harry hoping he'll go out of his own personal hell for him.

Louis keeps shaking, his eyes wide and breeding fresh tears. He keeps seeing things, feeling things afresh, like it's happening again and again; the crack of his cheekbone when that mug struck it, his ligaments snapping with every lash, his skin being torn apart. His mind flashes by one particular incident, after a late night with Zayn and Frank fetches him himself, and when he returned home, it was only to receive a black eye and one of the worse beatings he ever had. He can smell his own sweat, hear his own cries, feel his own skin rip. God, he sounded so pathetic.

Harry wants to try touching him again, rub his back at least and not wait it out in silence but then Louis would whimper, his eyes glazing with a painful memory and all he could do is use his voice.

After an agonizing hour of comforting words and a stream of love and affection from both Harry and Zayn, Louis' tears subside a bit. The ringing in his ears has gone mute as a stream of sweet constant nothings break through. He recognizes the voices and the strain in it. One of his hands pulls away and slide to the seat between him and Harry, laying it open like an invitation. Harry is about to take it but they both reach for each other at the same time; Louis too desperate and Harry too eager to help.

''I'm here, Lou.'' Harry squeezes his hand for emphasis, covering it with both his hands. ''I love you. Come back, c'mon, ple...''

''I…'' Louis starts after what seemed like forever, interrupting Harry's never-ending stream of loving words and big hands brushing his knuckles.

''Give me a minute. I'll be right with you.''

His eyes are still glazed over but the echo of his cries are weaning out, like they're retreating behind Harry's voice and comfort. Even Zayn goes quiet, waiting it out, waiting for him to come back to them. Harry can somehow see this too, sees Louis trying so he keeps talking.

''Yes, thank you, thank you so much.'' Harry raises their joint hands to his lips and kisses Louis' hand twice, three times.

Louis closes his eyes and slowly, slowly starts to breathe in and out more steadily. His eyes are tired from crying, cheeks sure to be blotchy, lungs aching but Harry's kisses are surely bringing him back. He's still shaking, but that's lessening. Harry's hold keeps him in place, holds his head above the ground. Reliving some of his darkest moments went too far but Harry's warm hands have put them at bay, pushed them back just a little, giving him some room and now, he's trying his best to push them too, behind a locked door in his mind.

He keeps taking deep breaths, like the time Frank kneed him in the ribs several times till he cracked two of them. He feels his bones snap and his breathing grows ragged.

''No, no stay with me, stay with me.'' He hears Harry's voice closer, feels his hand on his back. He flinches at first but Harry squeezes his hand tight and he relaxes enough to let Harry slide his hand up and down his back. It starts to comfort him, making him realize it's not a hand raised to harm him, not a belt grazing his flesh. Shit, its starting again, his vision is going blurry again.

''Haz…'' he calls out for help.

''Stay right here. Don't go anywhere, don't let him win. C'mon, you're better than that.''

He shakes his head because he's not, he's no better than a lost cause, a pathetic loser.

''No, you are. You're good to me. You treat me too well. You're so good, Louis. No, listen to me.'' Harry insists when Louis shakes his head again. ''You're not what your parents say you are. You're worth every care in the world and every kind of love it has to offer. You're in a rough patch sure and the world is shit but you do not deserve it and whoever said you do is nothing but scum.''

Louis wants to smile at the venom in Harry's words, liking the idea that someone's angry for him. He starts to breathe steadily again.

''There you go,'' he feels hands carding through his hair and a kiss to his temple from familiar lips. ''In and out, c'mon.''

''I…'' Louis' voice croaks. ''I want to sleep.''

It's weird because he's usually up at this hour, juggling drinks and taking in tips. But now, he's got a pounding headache, and he feels exhausted enough to let the idea of curling in sound so tempting. His sides still ache a bit as he didn't take any painkillers since breakfast – he doesn't want to get addicted – so sleep sounds like a nice way to put an end to all things uncomfortable.

''Sure.'' Harry agrees immediately, like demanding sleep isn't a sudden thing to say and the thought of Harry agreeing so easily or perhaps just playing along, is something he can't quite get used to. ''You want to lie down here?''

Louis looks at him, sees Harry patting his lap. His vision has somehow cleared when looking at beautiful angel-faced Harry and it makes him smile, the crinkles touching the sourness of his tears. He wasn't even aware that he was crying. He wipes them and catches sight of Zayn, who's looking at him sadly.

''You need some air?'' Louis asks and Zayn is both surprised and confused. ''You know I don't mind if you smoke.''

 _Ever so thoughtful,_ Harry thinks fondly and sadly at the same time. It never ceases to amaze him how selfless Louis can be.

Zayn shakes his head.

''I'd rather be inside. Too cold out there.'' He shrugs. Zayn keeps it short and Harry can see that's because he looks quite shocked. Only now though, he's coming back, like he too had retreated into a shell of helplessness.

''Yeah,'' Louis looks out the window and then realization hits. ''Shit, what time is it?''

''Its midnight and Liam's already in.'' Harry assures him with another back rub, easing Louis' tension. ''So don't worry about it, okay?''

Louis frowns; he doesn't like other people doing his job for him, especially his friends because they do enough.

''Hey, you mentioned sleep?''

Louis looked at him, confused as the words took a second to sink in. His brain feels like mush, like everything is working in slow-motion.

''What?'' he sounds dumb in his own ears, staring at Harry like he's the complexity of a history book.

''Sleep,'' Harry says the word with no hint of looking down on him. He scoots a bit to give room for Louis to lie down and pats his lap again.

Louis takes another second to understand, then he just moves, too tired to think things twice. He lies down on his side, the crook of his neck on Harry's thigh, his head resting in his favorite place. He pulls Harry's leg a bit, like a pillow and Harry chuckles; amused.

There is no blanket in the car so Harry peals off his heavy ebony trench coat and pours it over Louis. It covers his entire frame, what with Louis pulling his legs to his chest, keeping himself as compact as possible.

Right now, Louis doesn't want to think, just wants to sleep off the night and if possible, never ever have to worry about what's to come.

And it seems like the radio station that Zayn decided to tune into agrees. He wonders though if that's what Zayn's gonna do to pass the night, keep listening to music as they wait for Liam to finish work. He doesn't give it much thought as drowsiness takes over and the song ''gotta get out'' by a band called 5 seconds of summer fills the pounding of his heart. If Louis had any strength, he would have sang out loud to overshadow the remnants of his thoughts and keep them from lurking but instead, Harry hums the tune and it was enough for him to fall into a sound sleep.

 


	14. I will hold you closer; hope your heart is strong enough

It goes without saying that later on, when Louis said he needed to go home, it meant that he's going back to a place that hurts him without a care. But it also means that Harry has no choice but to let him go because of Louis' sisters but letting him go nonetheless, well, to Harry, it feels like treason.

Liam finishes work and Louis doesn't bother asking him for the tips, as by mutual agreement, Liam holds unto Louis' money for him, more so now after what Frank did over it.

Louis wakes up when the door opens. He voices his request after a quick thank you and Harry agrees to drive him if only so they could be in the car together.

So, with Harry's trench coat still wrapped around Louis, they say goodbye. It's quiet and heartfelt, like saying good-bye at an airport but with less drama. Harry understands so he waits patiently while Zayn and Liam take their time. Harry looks at the night club, sees the neon lights and the last of the customers stepping out, all drunk and wobbly, laughing their asses off. He hopes these people don't bother Louis or notice his youth to call the police, hopes that Louis' boss is a good person and doesn't take advantage of him, after all, as Liam said, he too doesn't want more shitty people in Louis' life.

After Liam asks him to take care of themselves, Harry hugs him and Zayn before they go their separate ways. Harry then unlocks his car and gets into the driver's seat. He waves Liam and Zayn off as they shoot past them, all the while, not starting the car.

''You know, this neighborhood gets creepy this time around.'' Louis points out.

''Is that so?'' Harry says warily. That much is obvious.

''Yup, you might as well start driving.'' Louis gestures with his hand. Harry sighs but starts the car because trying to buy time will not amount to anything.

Somehow the car ride is quiet but neither one of them turns on the radio to fill the silence and that would've been fine if the silence wasn't uncomfortable. Harry keeps glancing at Louis, but the latter keeps his head against the window, his eyes unflinching and weary.

Harry wishes he could turn back time or at least stall. Of all the times he's wanted nothing more than to drive Louis home so he doesn't have to walk, this has got to be his least favorite of all of them. He's seen what Frank is capable of, seen his mark on Louis' marred back and even worse, seen its effect on Louis' character. He understands now all of Louis' swift mood changes, his blacks and whites, how he can shift from a bright sun to a gloomy meadow, a fun ball of pranks to a crying mess, a party king to a submissive son, a natural athlete to a wounded animal, an almighty leader to a frightened boy.

He hates what's being done to him, and hates himself even more for not turning the car around and driving Louis back to his own home where he can keep him safe.

Alas, its too late to turn the hour glass upside down, too late to take that turn because Louis' house is in view and in less than 5 minutes, here he is, stopping the car a little bit further ahead because that's what Louis always tells him, to never park right in front of his house because he doesn't want his step-father to lay his eyes on Harry.

Harry doesn't hate him for it because he sure knows he might not be able to control himself if that man dares take a swing at Louis right in front of his eyes and expects him to do nothing.

Somehow, the thought has him gripping the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles are turning white.

''I'm sorry.'' Louis says, cutting out his violent stream of thoughts.

''What for?''

Louis hasn't moved from his position, still slacked against the seat, his head leaning against the window, staring straight ahead like everything’s a mirage. His arms are crossed, the sleeves of his shirt covering his hands.

At 3 am, it's too dark outside that Harry should worry. He's got the lights on inside his car and they're far enough to keep the headlights on as well but he could barely see anything, and he doesn't know if that's what makes him glad that he can see Louis or still can see him before he steps out and gets swallowed by the darkness.

''For always jumping you,'' Louis replies. ''For catching you off guard with my problems and leaving you hanging like it's your job to deal with it,'' he pauses. ''I don't know. It kind of makes me feel like I keep throwing these shots at you from the corner of a football field and causing you a foul by missing the goal.''

In any other occasion, the football metaphor would've been hilarious but in the artificial light, with Louis' cheeks looking discolored and hollow, dark shadows prominent under his jutted cheekbones, looking pale and underfed, everything is as far from funny as the planets are from the sun. Louis has always been a small guy sure but he's too thin for his age, like ribs-sticking-out-of-his-skin thin and the way he sat huddled up in a corner, Harry has to wonder again how on earth has he been able to protect himself all these years.

''I like surprises.'' Harry stalls.

''I like not hurting people.'' Louis answers back, with ease and no malice, just pure and utter honesty.

''You think you're hurting me?'' Harry questions.

''I…I just don' like dumping on you.''

Harry can see that Louis is serious and he has to find a way to end this quickly because its 3 am and they both need to be indoors but at the same, he wants to crush Louis' doubts so he doesn't leave with uncertainty.

''That's one way of putting it and its colorful and all but Louis dear, you're spouting a lot of crap right now.'' Harry says.

Louis smiles and shakes his head as a subtle sound of amusement escapes him though his lips remain thin-closed.

''Is that right?'' he asks, his voice light.

''Quite right.''

Louis breathes in then sighs. He unfolds one of his hands and without looking, searches for Harry's hand till he finds it and grips it. Harry grips back knowing now that Louis will always need the assurance that he's not a burden, that his friends don't promise him things then turn away when he's not looking.

''I'm scared, Haz.'' The words are a whisper and Harry has to squeeze his hand hoping he could infuse some courage into him with that one touch the way that Liam sometimes does with one look.

''I know.''

''I wish I didn't need you so much.''

''It goes both ways, you know.'' Harry has to say because maybe being selfish is the only way to keep Louis around now.

Louis looks at him here but it's not a look of surprise, rather it’s a mixture of too many things that Louis still has difficulty in expressing into words; grateful, confused, loved, scared, needed, trapped, desperate, relieved. Harry knows him well enough to know he doesn't need to hear him say it, he rather glows in the fact that he knows without having to be told because without even realizing it, Louis does open up to him in his most quiet moments and he just has to look real close and be there to read it all, memorize Louis' entire make-up so that words no longer become necessary.

''How do you do that?'' Louis asks quietly, curiosity in his eyes.

''Do what?''

''Look at me like you know me.''

''I do know you.'' Harry says, confused and blushing a bit because he didn't think it was that obvious.

''No, I mean, _know_ me, like you can somehow read my mind and stuff.''

''I…I'm used to you, I guess.'' Harry answers hesitantly, because Louis caught him red-handed.

''Is that some kind of super power?'' Louis asks with a grin.

''Maybe.'' Harry answers back with a smirk.

Louis just snorts and shakes his head, never tired of their antics. He grows somber quicker than Harry would allow, and Harry just sat there, wishing he could keep Louis inside their bubble of fun forever but alas, a shadow falls over Louis' face and they both know, they can't keep stalling anymore.

''About time you let me go, don't you think?''

Harry is a bit surprised about the phrasing but when he looks down, he notices that he's the one holding Louis' hand now not the opposite way round. He doesn’t know when that happened or how their touch has shifted but suddenly it's obvious what Louis really meant because maybe Louis knows him just as much.

''I don't want to.'' Harry dares say; the guilt of being selfish creeping up again.

''I have to go.''

''I know.'' He still doesn't let go.

''You need to go too.''

''I know.''

''He'll hurt me tomorrow for coming back late.''

Harry takes a moment to steady his breathing, flexes his jaws or else he'll cry.

''Then I'm staying.'' He says, his voice hard.

''I don't want you to.'' Louis answers, like he's had that answer ready beforehand.

''Then why did you tell me?''

''Because you seem like you want to know.''

''But then what's the point? You won't let me do anything about it.''

''I don't want you to.''

''Stop saying that. You're practically asking me to ditch you.'' Harry says, growing emotional.

''Isn't it better that way?'' Louis says, strangely calm. ''You'll feel way worse if you ditch me of your own free will or because you have no choice. Isn't it better if you do it because it's what I want?''

''Is it? Is this what you want?''

''No,''

''Then what do you want?'' Harry can't help but sound a bit frustrated because even though Louis is saying a lot of things that's hurting him, it feels like he's the one betraying Louis by not playing nice.

He's already prepared himself for when Louis would say strange things to him, ask him things that may not mean much but mean everything because Louis knows better and Harry finds it best to just comply and pick up only when Louis can't anymore because only then does Louis stop being vague and everything becomes clear enough for Harry to take care of things. Therefore, he knows that there's a point to what Louis' saying and he hates himself for not hiding his impatience well enough. Luckily, Louis doesn't seem to notice.

''It's not that simple.'' Louis sighs like a sage who knows too much.

''It is, at least from me.''

He's promised Louis time and again, that Louis can ask anything from him, anything he wants is his and he's promised himself that no matter what it is, he has to deliver and make good on his promises no matter how hard it can be sometimes.

Louis thinks through the phrasing and somehow, he looks ashamed to ask.

''C'mon, Lou. Anything you want.'' Harry says gently.

Louis looks tense, swallowing, his breaths short. Then, he just dives in and Harry is kind of ready for him. His arms surround Louis, tucking him in. Louis cuddles into his chest, like a scared puppy and he's shaking like he never stopped the first time. His breathing is ragged and it makes his fear almost palpable in Harry's ears. Harry strokes his back, nuzzles his hair and cards his fingers through the short strands at the nape of Louis' neck, trying to be everywhere to keep Louis calm.

''I just, I just want to breathe. I don't want to be scared anymore.'' Louis manages to get out, his nails digging into Harry's shoulders as he grits his teeth.

''Then take a deep breathe. It's not that hard. C'mon.''

''And I don't want to have to need you.'' Louis says without a pause, ignoring what Harry just said.

''Why?'' Harry's heard it all before and he's afraid to hear more of it but he's too hurt by Louis' hurting so he just pulls Louis closer.

''Because then I won't be strong enough in front of him, because then I'll run from him instead of just taking it and I might want to run to you but you won't be there in my room or in the bathroom when I lock myself in and I don't want to hate you for it.''

It’s a lot to take in and it's as close to Louis ever talking vividly about what happens before that first punch and its just as bad as seeing the aftermath in the form of scars and bruises or Louis telling him the stories and letting him touch his skin to feel for himself. He didn't think he needed to know this too, not sure if he knew all along and just wanted to hear it straight up, that Louis tries to stand up to his step-father but instinct takes over and he goes running from the punches, and yeah, _tries_ because he obviously either goes through it like a martyr or runs but doesn't go too far and the intense bruises are proof.

''You have to understand,'' Louis pulls back a bit and looks at him pleadingly. ''I don't want to hate you and I know I never would but you asking me to depend on you is not good for me. You shouldn't allow me to ask things from you and you shouldn't be too lenient in giving me what I want.''

''Lou…'' Harry starts because he doesn't want Louis to be hard on himself. He gets beat enough he doesn't need to beat himself too.

''No, listen to me.'' Louis interrupts. ''I'm not saying I don't want it, Haz coz I do, I love everything about you but it gets really frustrating building myself to all the good things you give me then have reality crush down on me when I step through that door. Do you understand?''

Harry sadly does because he knows Louis and he knows that Louis knows better than anyone else about what goes on inside his house. The reminder just crinkles something inside his chest.

''But I don't want him to hurt you.'' He says this after he pulls Louis to him, whispering the words urgently into Louis' hair, hiding his face there. ''I want you to be able to breathe without you hurting yourself over it. I don't want you to be scared, at least not by yourself when I'm not around.''

He grows bold because Louis starts crying into his chest miserably and great, twice in one day he's allowed this to happen. Harry pulls back and cups Louis' face, feeling every ragged intake of breathe against his fingers and his face.

''If you have to, if you can't help it, then be scared in front of me. Be scared when I can hold you and calm you down. Be scared and cry and just be a mess the way you don't want to be when you're in front of him so I can put you back together. Like that, you won't be that scared when he comes for you.'' Harry's voice cracks because that last bit came with a blurry image but an image nonetheless and not a pleasant one.

''You'll make it, baby.'' He continues strongly with a kiss to Louis' forehead before pulling back and Louis melts at the nickname, calming down from there. ''You'll get out of there and you'll live a long life. This is just temporary; this will be over before you know it. I promise you, one day you'll wake up and you'll be safe and this will all be a blurry dream.''

''I don't want this to be a dream.'' Louis interrupts, his voice steadier as he clings to Harry's wrists for emphasis. Harry melts at that and a tear falls. He didn't know he was crying. He wants to kiss Louis' forehead again, so he does. Louis is smiling when he pulls back and God that is something he can never get enough of because if he could contain smiles in jars, he'd trap Louis' smile in said glass container and have it all to himself.

''I love you,'' Harry says. ''And I don't want you to think that being weak in front of me is weakness in shame. I'm not like that and I can never think of you any less because in case you haven't noticed, I've got a bit of a hero-worship syndrome going on in here.''

Louis laughs; it's watery and decent at best but it's still beautiful, everything about Louis is beautiful, Harry concludes.

''And maybe when it gets bad, maybe you could think of my voice saying all this to you because maybe it will help.'' Harry offers. ''Maybe hearing me telling you that I love you will not make you feel bad after because I never want you to feel bad, I never want you to think that you're not strong because you are and even if you can't run to me, I want you to imagine it. I know how creative you can get so put it to good use.'' That gets another laugh from Louis, a quiet one and so he shoulders on. ''I want you to run to me and see me holding you and telling you to feel better until I actually climb up your window or park near your house so you can run to me for real. Or if you can't, then I'll run to you and I won't let go until you tell me to. I won't let go of you ever if that's humanly possible so I'm really hoping science discovers something for that.''

''I think its called conjoined twins.'' Louis says with a chuckle then he sniffs and wipes his face, dropping his hands in his lap.

''Yeah.'' Harry says, smiling because that's three laughs from Louis in three different forms and he knows he's being an idiot for counting but this is Louis laughing after a really bad day so he has to treasure them.

''I'll do that. I'll imagine.'' Louis says.

''It's not too creepy, right?'' Harry says with a tease.

''No, I'd like to even see you in my dreams tonight, if I had any say in it.'' Louis says fondly, making Harry drop his hands and look away because he's blushing. Louis pinches his cheek lightly, and Harry smiles at him with his dimples flashing. Louis passes his thumb by one of them, lingering there.

''You are nothing but good thoughts, Hazzabear.'' Louis says gently. ''And I love you for it.''

''I love you too.''

''I know.''

They stare at each other for a while and somehow, they both know its time without having to say anything. They both simultaneously go for a hug and Harry tries not to think of it as something final. They both simultaneously go for a kiss; Louis at Harry's curls and Harry at Louis' temple. They hug again, Louis tight and Harry a bit clingy but then it gets too much and Harry knows he might cry again. Louis can sense it too so he pulls back and opens the door. Harry reaches for him, a whimper escaping his lips as his fingers graze the back of Louis' shirt but Louis goes out and shuts the door without looking back. Harry watches him as Louis pulls the hood of his jacket over his head and stuffs his hands in his pocket.

Its past 4 am and it's still so dark outside that Harry doesn't see Louis entering his house, so swallowed up by the darkness that Harry almost jumps out of the car to go after him. But then he hears the distant sound of a door shutting closed and he knows for certain that Louis did it on purpose to cause a sound because he doesn’t want Harry to worry. Harry starts the car a minute later, finding it hard to believe that Louis is actually gone. It's so quiet inside his car that he jumps when his phone buzzes. He pulls it out and sees more than a dozen missed-calls from his mom. It doesn't freak him out because in all honesty, he's in no rush to go home. But he knows he has to so with a last sniff, he starts the car and drives, looking back about a dozen times at the outline of Louis' house before he's finally too far away to see it clearly.

 

He's not surprised to see his mom waiting in his room. The lights are off and it’s a couple of hours before she wakes up anyway but that's if she slept in the first place. She's got grandma's quilt around her shoulders, the crocheted one with mismatched patches of color but a reminder of everything great about the woman.

Harry walks in and seeing his mom right there, looking up at him with all the worry in the world washed over at his presence, it makes his chest squeeze so tight at the thought of how much he needs this and how much Louis doesn't have any of it. It's not that he's feeling lucky or thanking God that he's not in Louis' shoes. It’s the fact that he loves his mom so much and just the thought of her leaving him or not looking at him right now with so much love and affection makes him appreciate her more and more. And he's just so tired of watching someone go through the absence of that, feels it tug at his heartstrings, wanting it to snap and burst and it makes Harry realize how much of a mess he'll be if he goes one day without his mom. He doesn't know how Louis does it when the thought itself is so unbearable.

Harry doesn't waste a second, buckling at the knees as he hugs his mother, winding his arms around her waist and hugging her so tight, his face buried in her stomach. He breathes her motherly scent that's close to that of apple pie crumbs and something closer to sweet frosting. He feels her lips kiss the top of his hair and her arms around his shoulders.

''Where you've been, H?'' she asks, her voice in tears.

''I'm sorry.''

''That's not an answer, honey. You know,'' she pulls back and Harry sits on his hunches, looking up at her through his lashes. His hands are on her thighs and she links their fingers together, staring him straight in the eye. ''I wouldn't have minded if you'd stayed over at Zayn's for this night too. I know you're responsible and that you'd go to school on time and all but you weren't picking up your phone, love.''

''I know, I know.'' Harry nods, unable to look her in the eye.

''Is this about Louis?'' Harry nods.

''It's just so unfair.'' He says before finally looking up at her. ''He's a good person, mom. He doesn't deserve this.''

''What happened this time?'' she asks as she pats the space next to hers. So Harry gets up from his perch on the floor and sits down, one hand still linked to his mom's.

''He's just going through a lot that even I can't take it.'' His voice catches and he buries his head in her shoulder. She lets go of his hand and winds hers around his neck, pulling him close, rubbing his arm.

''I know it's hard but it doesn't mean you have to give me a heart attack.'' She says softly. ''You should've called, sweetheart, I wouldn't have said no to you.''

''I know, I just got caught up.''

''Promise me it won't happen again?''

Harry looks at her and offers a tired smile.

''I'll promise if you promise me something first?''

''What?'' her eyebrows rise in surprise because this is no time to be bargaining. Any other mother would've grounded him already. But Harry is looking at her with fear in his eyes and squeezing her hand like he used to when he was seven and they'd cross a busy street and because his mom told him not to let go till they're safe on the other side.

''Promise you'll always love me and that under no circumstances will you ever leave me. Okay?''

She thinks he's gone mental or maybe he's drunk. But she doesn’t smell alcohol on his breath and he's not a walking cliché where he becomes clingy and ends up with a tattoo of 'I love my mommy' in an arrow shaped heart on the forefront of his shoulder. And Harry knows how he sounds but then again he knows a boy who's scared of losing someone precious and has actually lost. He's seen what it can do and he doesn't want that happening to him because God knows he doesn't have even one-tenth of Louis' strength to pull him through or any type of strength that can withstand such unimaginable devastation. His mom can see that he is dead serious.

''I didn't give birth to you so that I can ditch you and walk away, H.'' she says. ''And I don't know all about Louis' situation other than what you've told me but I can assure you that if he needs a mom, you tell him I'll be one for him just as I'll always, always be one for you. I promise.'' She seals that with a kiss to his forehead and Harry melts at her touch but at the same time, there's a bitter taste in his mouth at the thought of Louis' mom being able to do it, give birth to Louis then ditch him and walk away.

''You promise.'' He needs this confirmed because if there are moms out there who can do it, then so can his own.

She hugs him fiercely, tucking his face into the crook of her neck.

''Even if you ask me to leave, I'll stick by you like glue.'' And Harry laughs because that line brings so much memories of Gemma back when she signed up for a poetry competition and was thinking of words to rhyme with 'you.' Harry suddenly feels warm and light inside because that's his mom, all cool and funny and though the ache is not gone, the ache of his friend missing out on simple affections such as this, he feels calm enough now, perhaps even stronger, to tread through the shallow waters. He needs to be strong, if not for himself then for Louis and if having his mom to fall back on when things get tough is what will keep him going, then so be it.

He kisses her cheek goodnight then. She says she'll wake him up in a couple of hours before its time to go to school. She waits till he changes his clothes before she tucks him in like a baby and tonight, Harry doesn't mind so much even though he doesn't like being molly-coddled. He lets her kiss his cheek before she turns off the lights and he tunes out, for once too tired to think about Louis but no, not really.

He checks his phone one last time but finds no messages there from him, so he tucks the phone under his pillow and drifts off.

 

When he wakes up, it's to fingers in his hair and sunlight hitting his eyes. He doesn't know what time it is or why Louis is the first thing on his mind that when he goes to open his eyes, he's a bit surprised its his mom waking him up before everything falls into place and realization hits.

''Morning, Haz.'' His moms says quietly.

''Morning,'' he replies as he buries his face in his pillow and stifles a yawn.

''Hate to break it to you, kid but there's a friend of yours waiting downstairs, says his name is Zayn.'' Anne says. Harry looks up at her.

''What?''

''You heard me,'' Anne says as she stands up. ''Now I know it's early but he said something about fetching Louis and you agreeing to tag along so, better get dressed now, love.''

It takes a minute for things to sink in, for her words to stop jumbling around before settling in.

''Hey.''

He looks up and sees his mom standing at his doorway, her hands on her hips.

''You getting up or what?'' she says with an easy smile. Harry takes a minute to realize that's she's serious, that Zayn really is waiting downstairs. In a second, she's laughing as she watches him pushing the blankets off and scrambling out of bed, grabbing clothes here and there before flying past her and out of the room.

''Tell him to wait for me.'' He shouts as he showers quickly.

In a record-breaking time, he's all clean and soaped, grabbing his school bag and his phone as he rushes downstairs. His head whips around when he hears a unique laugh, the type oozing with laid-back and chilled.

He sighs as he walks into the kitchen and sees the one and only Zayn Malik sitting in his chair next to his mom, sipping a cup of tea. He's wearing his usual leather jacket and a grey top underneath, his hair all quaffed like it just stays up there all the time in all its perfection.

''Took you long enough.'' Zayn says. Harry remains standing.

''Shouldn't we get going?'' he points to his watch.

''Honey, breakfast first.'' Anne says sternly, pushing a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him. Harry sighs but otherwise takes a seat, ignoring Zayn's amused look.

Gemma and Robin, Harry's step-father, join in later and though Harry was a bit worried about how Zayn's taking all of it, he relaxes when he sees the boy all chilled out as usual, relaxed and making easy-conversation.

Harry is too anxious to finish though, worried about Louis too much to sit still and keep his knee from tapping underneath the table. He finishes breakfast and shoots Zayn a number of looks to signify that they get up and leave but Zayn is too attentive to what his mom is saying, shooting Harry looks of, ''chill out, mate.''

So Harry sits back and tries to engage in the conversation, especially when he looks at his watch properly and sees that Zayn is early and that they still have ten minutes before they really have to go. But then, as he's tucking his watch under his sleeve, he remembers what Louis had told him, about his step-dad hurting him in the morning. He almost vomits his breakfast right then and there as his chair screeches and he stands.

''Harry!'' Anne chastises.

''I'm really sorry, mom but we have to go.'' He says as pulls on his school bag and tugs on Zayn's sleeve.

''Bye everyone.'' Zayn says as he waves and is pulled out of the house by Harry.

''Harry dear, please call.'' Anne says from the door.

''Will do!'' Harry shouts back as he gets into his car and starts the ignition. Zayn waves at his mom standing by the door before he gets into the passenger seat.

''How rude of you.'' Zayn says as they drive off.

''Rude? You're the one taking your time when more important issues are at hand.'' Harry whips at him while trying to keep his driving steady. His worry scale is going up and up. He hadn't dreamt bad dreams about Louis or woke up from a feverish nightmare and it's like with Zayn's visit, he's catching up on all the worrying he's missed out on. But then again, he's only hand a handful of sleep so maybe this was something to be expected.

Zayn just huffs. He rolls down the window and takes out his pack of cigarettes. He sticks one between his lips and just when he was about to light it, Harry glares at him.

''Don't you dare, okay? I am not in the mood.'' Harry says sternly.

Zayn jut glares back and lights his cigarette anyway, much to Harry's annoyance.

''Mate, you're gonna need me calm and relaxed.'' Zayn says coolly. ''Trust me.''

Harry doesn't dwell on it, actually a bit jealous that Zayn has something to depend on to keep his nerves calm, that he has it in him to inhales toxics if only to appear relaxed and sedated. Harry envies him.

The ride is silent after that, with Harry trying to relax and Zayn blowing smoke against the wind. When they're only 5 minutes away, a familiar car passes them and Harry catches a glimpse of the driver, a brunette with a wholesome face.

''Eleanor.'' Harry mutters to himself. The car passes quickly and he has no chance to read her expressions.

''Probably driving his sisters to school.'' Zayn says, surprising Harry that he actually noticed. But something else grips Harry's attention at that moment, something more pressing.

''Which means Louis is alone at home.'' Harry points out.

Zayn throws the rest of his cigarette out the window and exhales a cloud of smoke.

''Better hurry up then.'' he says, his voice deadly calm.    

 


	15. You know me too well

Harry speeds up, his mind reeling, his teeth pretty much shaking against each other and all he could think of is shit, shit, shit, Louis is fucking alone in there, shit, fuck, shit….

The house comes to view and Harry speeds up a little more. Zayn chooses this time to speak.

''Harry, listen, I need you to follow my lead on this, okay?'' he asks. Harry keeps his eyes on the road.

''I'm serious,'' Zayn continues when he doesn't speak. ''Whatever you hear, you follow my lead and just do as I do, okay? You don't want him to get in more trouble.''

Harry is suddenly pissed because technically this is all Zayn's fault.

''You know, if we were early, this wouldn't have happened in the first place. Care to comment about that?'' he snaps. Zayn just shakes his head.

''You haven't been through this long enough to know that coming early or late won't make a fucking difference.''

Harry wants to reply, knows deep down that Zayn is right because he would know better from experience but they're close enough for him to stop the car and that's what he does. He stops the car at the exact same spot as last night and jogs his way to the house.

And before he even approaches the drive way, he hears it.

''Get off me!!! Get the fuck off m…Ah!!!'' Louis screams out in pain as the sound of something colliding with his skin stops him from speaking. Harry's blood runs cold as all else stops to matter when he hears that voice being cut off with someone hurting him.

He sprints towards the house, jumps over the fence and is about to burst in when Zayn grips his elbow and pulls him back hard. Harry almost flinches because he's totally forgotten about Zayn being with him. He looks up at said boy as the scuffle inside the house continues.

''Listen to me; you need to do as I say, okay? Trust me.''

And Harry doesn't know how this boy is so calm when chaos is going on behind the front door, how he's stopping him from moving when something close to a physical fight is going on and yet here they are, standing outside the door that's keeping them barred from Louis, away from the sound of clatter and skin breaking, breakable cries and muttered curses.

''You heard me?'' Zayn grips his elbow harder, willing him to respond. Harry is shaking; he doesn't want to lose it so he swallows his ragged breaths and nods. Zayn lets go of his elbow then straightens up. He is actually terrified and Harry notices that when he sees the sweat forming on Zayn's brow and the way his Adam's apple bobs before he raises his fist to the door and knocks.

''Hey Louis mate!'' Zayn says cheerfully after he knocks and it would've passed as okay if Harry didn't know that this was all just an act.

The noises inside the house dies down suddenly, like Zayn's voice just pierced through the chaos and Harry would've sighed with relief except that he fears cutting through the sudden silence.

''We gotta go to school, remember?'' Zayn sing-songs. ''You've got ten minutes so get your fat bum down here, Tommo. My car's still running and I'm not gonna stand here all day and….''

Suddenly the door opens. Harry steps back but not in fright but because this was unexpected. A man, a normal, your average-looking man and not a monster with horns, a man in his late thirties with a loose ratty brown suit and haggard appearance is standing in front of them. He's fixing his necktie, annoyed by it as he loosens it up, holding a briefcase in the other. He fixes Zayn a dead look before he looks over at Harry and frowns.

''Morning, kid.'' He says ruggedly to Zayn before he frowns further at Harry. ''Haven't seen you before. Got a name?''

''Good morning, Mr. Frank.'' Zayn says politely, like this isn't the man who was beating the shit out of his friend a few minutes ago. ''This is…''

''I didn't ask you, now did I?'' Mr. Frank bites back and from his breath, the boys can tell he's drunk.

Harry is dying to get this over with, push past this douche bag of a father figure and rush to Louis' aid but right now, he's having trouble maintaining a neutral expression at best, let alone his fingers that have formed into a fist. He gets one loose and extends his hand in greeting, feeling guilty that Zayn is doing all the effort here.

''My name's Harry, Harry Styles. Pleasure to meet you, sir.'' He says, his name the only truth because the rest is a downright lie. There is no pleasure in meeting this monster.

Mr. Frank looks at him with unnecessary scorn before his eyes go down to Harry's hand. He reaches out and shakes it. Harry can feel the grub in his fingers and when his eyes drift for a second, he notices there's something close to the red of blood on the man's knuckles. But the moment fades as the man rips his hand back then shuts the door behind him.

''You better not be coming here all the time.'' He says as he closes the door. ''You're disturbing the neighborhood.''

''We don't mind. We had time, didn't we, Harry?'' Zayn says coolly. Harry is fighting the urge to punch this man and Zayn is aware of this, tries to get him to act it up like him.

''Yeah, plenty.'' He says through a stiff smile that he hopes passes for polite enough. Mr. Frank looks between the both of them before he adjusts his tie again.

''Well, I'm going to work.'' Mr. Frank says as he pushes past them, walking on wobbly legs. ''If that idiot is late, you better just go to school without him. Don't want him getting you into trouble, you hear me?'' he continued to speak as he walked towards his car, the boys following in a distance out of politeness

''Of course.'' Zayn agrees. ''You have a good day, Mr. Frank.''

Harry doesn't say anything as the man harrumphs before he fixes them one last look then gets into his car. The boys don't move until he's a proper distance away, aware that he's probably watching them from his rearview mirror.

Harry is on fire, not hiding the anger and loathe in his eyes as he burns invisible laser towards that car carrying that monster. Harry wishes he'd have a car accident, calculates the likeliness of it what with the man's drunken state.

''Go.'' Zayn says, pulling him out of his reverie. He looks at Zayn, disbelief in his eyes but Zayn is past it. ''Go!'' he repeats more sternly when Harry hasn't moved. It clicks then that he needs to get inside the house, to Louis.

He runs like he's been electrified, with Zayn giving one last look to the departing car before he's hot on his tail. They pass the front door that was left unlocked in a couple of large strides.

''Louis? Lou!!?'' Harry knows he's panicking because Oh God, he's looking for Louis on the floor, under the furniture and not finding him is making his heart race. Zayn races upstairs to Louis' room and Harry remains downstairs, looking for him in the bathroom then not finding him, looks for him in the living room again. He pops his head into the kitchen and when he was about to leave, he hears a whimper.

''Lou?'' he calls as he rounds the corner of the kitchen counter and his head reels from the sight. ''Oh God.''

There, on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor, is his precious, personal golden boy Louis, and he was a whimpering mess, with his pajama bottoms not all the way down but down enough to show his ass and Harry is shocked because Louis' bum is covered in angry fresh welts on display, blood dripping from the skin. Louis' shirt is ridden up and there, on the left side, are marks of punches on his lower back, blooming and blowing Harry's mind.

Louis doesn't seem to have noticed his friend's entrance nor heard Zayn's footsteps from coming downstairs and joining Harry in the kitchen. Seeing Harry's eyes looking at the floor, Zayn rounded the kitchen table and fell into the same paralyzed state when he saw what Harry saw. Liam was right, this doesn't get easy and the proof was the silence in which they stood hopeless.

As another whimper escaped Louis' lips, Harry's mind started working again. He was about to tell Zayn to run for the rucksack in his car when Louis reaches out a hand. His head is not looking up, his eyes on the floor but Harry can see that he's searching for the counter to pull himself up.

It happens so fast, its like if time where a picture, well it just zoomed in.

Harry saw it a split second before he moved into action and so did Zayn. Louis wasn't looking, too much of a mess to carry his head up from the floor but when his hand found the counter, his hand also found a rug and what was under that rug was a butter knife precariously placed on the edge of the counter underneath said rug. When he moved his hand to get a solid grip of the counter, that's when Harry and Zayn moved because Louis' fingers grazed that rug and that initiated the knife to start falling and shit, without thinking, Harry dove in, because all he could think of was, _''LouisLouisLouis.''_ And the words, _''OhMyGodThatKnifeNoLouisLouisLouis!!!!!!!''_

 

There was a ringing in his ears when it ended, like it was some sort of conclusion to one hell of an epic battle but the truth is, it was after Louis flinched so hard, he cried out mortified tears and kept screaming because Harry, though he was sheltering him from the knife with all his weight, was also on top of him, pressing on his wounds. Looking up, he saw that Zayn had caught the knife mid-air right before it collided with Louis' back, or in this case, Harry's.

Harry has no time to deal with the realization as Louis was a screaming mess underneath him.

''Help!! Help!!!!'' Louis was in hysterics and Harry immediately scurried off him. He barely notices that Zayn dropped the knife on the floor, hurriedly left the kitchen, muttering something about needing to throw up but he can't care about that right now. Harry pushes the knife away, doesn't care that it skids under the kitchen table so long as it's far away, not wanting Louis to get hurt by stumbling on it before he returns his attention to his frightened friend.

''Lou baby, Lou it's just me, Louis, its just Harry. You're okay now. Please, listen to me!''

But Louis was trying to crawl into a corner, trying to get away from him so Harry picks up his elbow and turns him over to his side and ignore his flinching to get his presence across.

''Louis, look at me. Just look at me, Boo!''

Louis is blown into silence when Harry's face comes into his view. His blue eyes are blown wide open, tears marking his cheeks, his expression scared, panicking out of his mind and it doesn't die so much when he sees Harry's green ones. Harry can tell from the way that Louis' body so wired up but Louis seeing him is doing something to make this boy stop running from him, like all he could do right now is realize that Harry is no foe.

''Baby, I'm here…'' Harry doesn't have to finish that sentence because Louis just melts at the nickname and starts crying anew.

''Haz…'' he pleads and they both simultaneously reach for each other. Harry pretty much picks up Louis' weight and drapes the boy on himself. Louis' arms are strong around his back, his head steady on Harry's shoulder. Harry maneuvers himself to where Louis' head was so that he's sat on his bum with Louis between his long legs. He can hug the boy now without having to touch his back or bum. Louis' legs remains sprawled out as Harry does all the hugging, carrying Louis' upper body and clinging to him like a blanket, hugging him till its almost impossible to breathe. But Louis is not breathing anyway because he is crying so, so hard.

''He hurt me, he hurt me.'' Were the only manageable words Harry can make out and Harry does his best not to cry but he does anyway because Louis is sobbing so much. He tries to fill the whirlpool of anguish in his chest by keeping himself busy with kissing Louis' neck and muttering words of comfort like a broken record. Louis still doesn't stop crying though and Harry has to stop, blinks away tears as he sees Zayn approaching with the emergency rucksack. There are tears in his eyes too but he's almost blank as he gets on his knees between Louis' legs and starts rummaging through the bag.

''Lou baby, Zayn's here.'' Harry says so that Louis doesn't get startled when Zayn suddenly touches him. ''He's going to look at your injuries, okay?''

Louis is still crying so hard but he nods vigorously on Harry's shoulder, keeping his head hidden there.

Zayn stays focused and quiet as he dabs antiseptic on Louis' bum and Harry knows that Louis is no    superman but his arms around his neck are like a strong hold. But he lets him have his way because Louis is hurt and is barely here between his arms even if he's hugging just as tight.

After dabbing the stinging antiseptic, Zayn puts those big square plasters on the bad cuts before he gently pushes up Louis' pants and covers his bum. He then puts cream on Louis' lower back were the new purplish bruises are and Louis hisses before he cries a new bout of tears. Zayn remains as cold as stone. Harry does all the cuddling and comforting and before Zayn puts down Louis' shirt, Louis is done crying but not done shuddering and shaking.

Harry had suspected it was more out of fright and shame than the pain itself, a pain that Harry is sad to think that Louis is used to but then again, how does one get used to being abused almost everyday? He doesn't know how Louis does it.

''How are you feeling, baby?'' Harry asks when Louis starts sniffing. Zayn cleans his hands then tucks back the content of the rucksack before he gets up and moves to the side so that he can see Louis. He waits for the answer with Harry.

''I ffeel likke…I feel like goin' tto…goin to school.'' Louis stutters. ''DDon't…don't wanna bbbe…here.''

''Okay.'' Harry agrees. He wishes he could bring Louis home but he can't skip school again and neither can Zayn. He feels trembling lips on his neck.

''Tthankk youu…for being hhere.'' Louis says and Harry detects a hint of shyness in his tone that he's never heard in Louis' voice before. He wonders if it's because his ass was on display. Harry kisses his cheek to assure him.

''I promised you, didn't I?'' he says quietly. Louis nods, almost child-like. Zayn rubs Louis' elbow, in his own way, doing his own comforting. Louis looks at him and Harry can see nothing but Louis' hair.

''HHey…Zayney.'' Louis says in a rough voice yet it's just as sweet. Zayn chuckles and a couple of tears escape his eyes even though he's smiling at the nickname.

''Hey Tommo.'' He says and goes to rub at the bottom of Louis' side-burn, inducing more comfort and Harry can feel Louis sagging in his arms.

''Your…hhands…not shakin'.'' Louis says quietly, sniffling and words still stuttered. Harry can feel the rise and fall of his chest, wishes it would ease up.

''No, managed to patch you up this time.'' Zayn says in quiet pride.

''Ttaking care of me…a…as always.'' Louis sniffs in between his words and Harry can hear the helplessness in his tone. Zayn shakes his head, turning serious.

''Never as much as you did.'' He replies. Then, in a bout of fierce protectiveness, Zayn just ducks and kisses Louis' temple, his fingers grabbing a handful of Louis' hair.

''And could never amount to that. Ever.'' He says just as fiercely, his lips still on Louis' temple. He kisses him there twice more before he pulls back, his eyes so open, the hazel brown color adding more to his honesty and fierceness. Harry is curious but he doesn't say anything. He watches as Zayn and Louis share a look before Zayn smiles sadly.

''Haz?'' Louis turns his face to Harry's neck as he spoke. Harry gives him a slight squeeze.

''Yeah, babe?''

''We can go now, right?''

''You sure you wanna go?''

''Umm.'' Louis nods, turning his face so that he's looking at Harry. His eyes are so blue, Harry thinks, like a vortex. It's so beautiful.

''Really don’t wanna be here.'' Louis reasons, his stuttering gone. Harry understands. Louis' face so close, Harry cannot help but shower him with affection, kissing his cheekbone several times, the side of his eye, his temple, his forehead and Louis relaxes further in his arms, in the arms of a person who loves him.

''Okay,'' Harry says, giving him another light squeeze.

''Wait here, I'll get you some clothes and your bag, okay?'' Zayn says, ruffling Louis' hair before standing up. The two nod and remain in their position, Harry content with hugging this boy to him, like it's his favorite thing in the world, knowing that he's safe in his arms. They're quiet, just a bundle of interlaced limbs, Louis holding on for dear life and Harry holding back because he's Louis' life-line now. Harry never thought he'd set himself up to be someone's comfort zone, the friend to fall back on but that's what he is and for Louis, he's damn proud of it.

''Doesn't look so bad this time, right?'' Louis asks meekly, knows that even if he's not saying it, that Harry is deeply hurt somehow.

''You always look beautiful to me, Lou.'' Harry kisses his temple and avoids the question, knows it's not in Louis' best interest to dwell on his own self deprecation, for knowing that this would happen and allowing it to happen anyway.

But Louis knows better and somehow wishes that Harry didn't care so much. However, he knows that Harry does care because he's here, holding him and keeping him together. Louis just has to do something to lessen the blow.

''It just looks bad, really. Am not that hurt.'' Harry remains silent. ''Besides, it will be a while before he does it again, I'm sure.''

Harry reels from that answer, from the almost, casual way in which Louis puts it. He turns his head sideways and catches Louis' eyes.

''Doesn't mean it's not terrible and wrong. And doesn't mean he's entitled to do it again, God.'' Harry wraps him up in his arms almost possessively. He cares about this with a deep ache in his chest, so painful he can barely think enough to keep himself from saying whatever comes in his head first. He wants to fix this. He wants Louis safe, with him, forever somehow.

Louis noses into Harry’s chest and breathes exaggeratedly steady for a while, until his breaths slow. He lets himself be hugged now before he picks his head up, nuzzling Harry’s jaw and eventually kissing him there. Harry feels like Louis is trying to apologize.

''Don't be mad but,'' Louis starts, turning his face away so that his hair is touching Harry's neck. ''I wish you didn't care so much.''

''Why?'' Harry asks but doesn't let Louis answer because they've been through this before and he doesn't need to hear the answer again. ''So, you can deal with this by yourself? Louis, I want to help you. I love you.''

''Harry, you're seventeen.'' Louis turns back to him. ''If he's not entitled to hit me, as you say, then you're not entitled to help me either.''

''But you're my best mate and that entitles me to love you and care for you.'' Harry retaliates. He can feel the residual fear in Louis' being, knows that this boy doesn't really want Harry to back out, is doing it for Harry's sake not himself because he's just too fucking selfless to think about himself, even now when he's all wounded and sat on the kitchen floor where Harry found him.

''Did you see him?'' Louis asks, completely changing the subject.

''Yeah, spoke to him, shook his hand.'' Harry answers honestly. Louis pulls back as much as he can without letting go of his hold around Harry's neck, like he wants to see if Harry's for real.

''You shook his hand?'' he asks, his tone scared. ''What did you say to him? What did he say to you?''

''I didn't care. I just wanted…''

''Tell me.'' Louis insists. Harry tells him the short encounter, tries to soften the blow on the 'idiot' part. Louis just shakes his head.

''Maybe he's right.'' Harry is confused but Louis is looking at him with deliberation. ''Maybe you shouldn't come so often. I don't want him to remember you or have anything mean to say to you.''

''Are you fucking kidding me right now?'' Harry asks. ''He beats you up and you're worried about…for crying out loud, Louis! I saw blood on his knuckles and you think a few words from his fucking mouth will terrify me away from you?''

''I don't mean that, Haz. It's just…'' Louis is trembling again, like he's afraid of Harry and Harry hates this, hates that whenever Louis is hurt, he kind of regresses back to a ball of fear rather than the confident bundle of joy that he knew first. ''Harry, it's just that…you see, nobody loves me like you do,'' Louis says softly, blushes furiously. ''And it’s probably stupid to count on or to need it from you so much, it’s unfair to you but I need it. I need to feel like somebody cares for me and I don't want him to scare you away from me. Is that…''

''God Lou.'' Harry interrupts him and dives for a kiss to his lips, startling Louis but Harry doesn't mean for it to be romantic, he just wants to shut Louis up.

''Don't you get it?'' Harry is smiling but there are sparkling tears in his eyes. ''There's no way anything he has to say can ever make me change my mind about you or scare me away from you. You know, even when you don't tell me, you show me. When you let yourself be scared and quiet and hurt, I see you there too and it may scare me but at least you're not hiding from me. So, no, I'm not that thick. I trust you not to lie to me and I love you for caring about me more because it's your tell, you know.''

''My tell?'' Louis asks, the fragile joy in his voice is heartbreaking.

''Yeah, when you put me first before you, I know for sure that you want me just as much as I want you. When you think I'm more hurt than you are, it means that you need me just as much as I need you. You can't hide from me, Louis.'' Harry kisses him at the corner of his mouth. ''Not anymore.''

Louis smiles brightly at him. He then presses every part of him against every part of Harry in a tight hug. Harry knows then that Louis is finally giving in, finally letting himself feel safe and wanted and really, honestly loved.

''Hey.'' They both look up and see Zayn by the door. They're not sure how long he's been standing there but they don't dwell on it. Harry helps Louis get up and holds him firmly. He refuses for Louis to go to the bathroom and change by himself, doesn't trust him not to fall over. So, with the boys' help, Louis changes right there in the kitchen, slipping into a loose pair of track pants, a black shirt and a gray hoodie. Zayn slips on his vans without socks, just as Louis likes it then picks up Louis' pajamas and throws in Louis' hamper.

Harry kisses Louis' temple one last time before he drapes Louis unto himself again, carrying Louis like a baby koala. Louis gets his legs around Harry's waist so Harry doesn't have to hold him up from under his bum. He's holding on pretty tight anyway, his arms not faltering around Harry's neck. Harry doesn't mind, he hugs the boy just as tight as he carries him out the house. He walks towards the backseat, carrying Louis like he weighs absolutely nothing, as light as a feather.

Harry gets Louis down on his feet while keeping a firm hand around his waist. He opens the backseat door then gets in first, pulling Louis in next. Louis doesn’t bother sitting up, as Harry expected.

But Harry has to pat his lap before Louis is willing to come to him, and that's what happens. Harry pats his lap and Louis crawls to him across the seat, grateful when he finally gets his head down on Harry's thigh, lying down sideways so that his bum doesn't touch the seat. Harry can only wonder how on earth he is going to survive sitting in class.

Zayn comes with Louis' school bag and heads for the driver's seat, shoving Louis' keys, phone and wallet into the front pockets of Louis' school bag. He then reaches back and hands over Louis' pillow. Harry takes it, surprised at first but he just smiles at Zayn, ever so grateful for his quiet understanding.

''Here, Lou.'' He pats Louis' shoulder and when Louis sees the pillow, he lifts his head up. Harry puts the pillow on his lap, pats Louis as the boy snuggles to the comfy-ness.

''Your keys?'' Zayn says and Harry belatedly realizes he's being spoken to, too absorbed by Louis getting comfortable. Zayn just smiles knowingly when Harry hands over his keys, blushing furiously. As Zayn starts the car, Harry catches his eyes in the mirror and they share an affectionate look before Zayn's eyes fall on Louis. He looks glad that he's here to help. Harry mentally thanks him for his affection, wishes Liam and Niall were here too.

The car ride is quiet at first and Harry takes that opportunity to concentrate on Louis, watching over him as he dozes off on his lap.

''He wasn't angry,'' Louis mumbles, catching Harry by surprise. ''That I was late last night.''

''Okay.'' Harry says slowly.

''I know you're blaming yourself. It's not your fault.'' Louis says knowingly and Harry wishes Louis didn't know him as much as he did. All this time, Harry was trying really hard not to think about himself yet Louis can see right through him, it's almost not fair.

''Why was he angry then?'' And Harry regrets asking the moment the words came out because he doesn't want to hear more stupid, senseless reasons as to why that douche-bag beats Louis up but he wants to hear Louis' voice so he considers it a compromise.

''Found out he didn't have an extra set of beers for the rest of the day. Was pissed about it.'' Louis mumbled, on the verge of sleep. Harry flexed his jaw as he inhaled deeply, trying not to imagine gauging that horrid man's eyes out and enjoying it.

''Wasn't he drunk this morning?'' Harry asks though he knows the answer.

''He was. Gets easily angry when he's like that.'' Louis mumbled. Harry flexes his jaws again, feels like he might snap so he decides to focus on Louis instead.

''Well it's not your fault either, okay?'' he says, patting Louis' hair comfortingly. Louis hums some sort of incoherent answer then he was off to sleep. Harry watches him, hoping he's not looking creepy but really not caring about it in the least.


	16. I'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours

School is tough. Knowing that Louis pretends to be okay was one thing but having to pretend along with him too, was not something Harry set himself up for. When he nudged Louis awake, he didn't account for the fact that he won't be able to carry him in or that he won't able to hold his hand in comfort all day. Suddenly, just the prospect seemed unacceptable.

But Louis had other things in mind. Before leaving the warmth of Harry's car, he rummaged through his school bag till he found the concealer and Harry just sat there and watched as Louis hid the not so fading shoe-shaped bruises on his face with make-up, while Zayn stood guard outside by Harry's window so no passers by will notice.

Louis is hyper aware of Harry watching him but he doesn't say anything, focuses on the tiny mirror in the palm of his hand, making sure he looks presentable and decent enough to walk the judging hallways that is high school.

''I don't know how you do it.'' Harry can't help but say as Louis puts more powder on his face, hiding the purplish parts of his skin, remnants of his not so long ago weekend experience. Louis keeps his eyes steady on the mirror as he fixes his hair over the left side of his face, looks left and right to make sure everything is spotless before he puts the little item back in his bag.

''Shall we go then?'' he says hurriedly. Harry doesn't move from his side immediately, just looks at him sadly at first. Louis is jittery and not in a good way, a little embarrassed and he hates the fact that Harry sees it all. Harry does see it all and therefore, he doesn't say anything as to not embarrass Louis further.

''Okay,'' he says but as he opens the door, he just has to get it out, this one last thing. He turns back and hugs Louis.

''Haz…''

''Listen, I know you're hurt. You can't deny that, Lou.'' Harry says before he pulls back. Louis cannot look at him, trying to be strong again like he did in the classroom before his step-dad came for him. ''All I'm asking is that, if you can't take it, you tell me or text me if I'm in a different class. Please?'' he adds because he hates that Louis is avoiding looking at him. Louis doesn’t answer, kind of shrinking in on himself. Harry hates Louis like this because they’re finally together yet Louis still feels separate from him. That isn’t what was supposed to happen.

''Can we please go?'' Louis asks timidly, like he's afraid Harry will say no and it hurts a little that he still thinks that. Harry sighs.

''Okay.'' He opens the door and steps out into the cold air. Louis is behind him and somehow, he and Zayn end up walking in a way where he looks shielded between their broad shoulders. Harry knows that no one in this high school hurt Lou in any way yet he's somehow oozing a very hostile vibe, like if someone so much as smiles his way or waves a hand, he's all of a sudden glaring. Some notice and shrink back, others take it as a mood swing or something. It's so easy to excuse Harry of pretty much everything, what with his reputation and likeability but somehow that morning, he's actually scaring people and it's so not cute.

''Cut it out, will you?'' Louis hisses in hindsight when a girl who waves at him, whispers in her friend's ear when she catches Harry's eyes. Harry turns back to him, surprised that Louis noticed.

''What? I'm not doing anything!'' he says defensively because in truth he really hasn't noticed.

''You're scaring people, you idiot.'' Louis says sternly. ''And back off, you're acting like some sort of bodyguard.''

''Oh, are you gonna start singing Whitney Houston to me?'' Harry teases, and not in a funny way. He's just pissed somehow, angry at having to be jut as pretentious as most shallow-minded high schoolers and he hates it, hates that he cannot validate Louis' fears like he's supposed to.

''Get it together, will you?'' Louis admonishes. They're stood in front of his locker now and Zayn is still by their side, looking back and forth between the two of them, ready to step in if it spirals out of control.

''I'm not made of glass, Harry. I'm…'' Louis continues but is shut off.

''Don't you dare continue that sentence, Tomlinson.'' Harry hisses. ''Just don’t.''

''What would you have me do? Go climb up your back so you could carry me around, cry into your chest in front of this entire school? I can't do that, Harry. Please.'' Louis really wants to end this row and he hates having to whisper shout because it just means that if they were anywhere else, that they'd be shouting back and forth.

''That's not…'' Harry doesn't finish that sentence as someone slips his arm around Louis' waist and pulls him into a one-sided hug. It would've been okay if it wasn't for the fact that a look of searing agony turns Louis' face white before he alters it into something not nearly close to normal enough. He is being pressed into his bruised back, Harry knows it but he has no time to step in, only mentally registers the part of Louis that the boy's arm is touching.

''Hey Tommo!!! Ready for the big game tonight?'' Ben beams at his captain. He's always had a hero-worship kind of thing for Louis, same as everyone else and also a bit of hatred for Harry for taking up most of Louis' time away from the team.

''Yeah, Ben. Ready as ever!!'' Louis beams back if only to mask the pain shooting up his head as he bends his arm and pats the boy's shoulder away, hoping he doesn't notice it as an attempt to get him off. The boy steps back, as oblivious as ever. He doesn't greet Zayn or Harry, has only eyes for his captain.

''We're going to Greg's place tonight, to celebrate and you're staying all the way this time.'' He says, his arm loose around Louis' shoulder, much to Louis' gratitude.

''We haven't even won yet and you're already…'' Louis starts but Ben laughs in interruption. Harry hates him with the fire of a thousand suns.

''Of course we'll win!!! Them Austin boys are a bunch of prancing tutu honeybunnies!!! You'll beat them in the first half too.''

And this is what Harry hates most about this soccer player who seems to have forgotten that soccer is a team effort of a game and not a single player. Ben is too busy worshipping Louis, he doesn't see that it makes him look like a total dick.

''We'll see about that.'' Louis answers politically, not one to play along or disagree. Ben laughs wickedly, sees Louis' answer as some sort of challenge. The bell is about to ring, he says as he takes his arm back. He notices Harry only then and smiles wickedly.

''See you later, girly boy.'' He says as he steps back. Harry just grits his teeth, feels Zayn beside him oozing with disgust at the uncalled for comment. It's not the first time he's said it, not the first time Harry chooses to ignore it but it's definitely the first time Louis hears it.

''Ben!''

Harry is actually taken aback by the vehement tone in Louis' voice, simply because it doesn't belong and it's also a reminder of that night in the bathroom pub. He looks at Louis and sees almost a livid expression on his face.

''Yeah, cap?'' Ben is ever oblivious, laughing like he said something funny.

''I hope that's the last time I hear you say that to my best friend.'' Louis says formally, it's quite unnerving. Ben is startled now by Louis' tone of voice, his giddy expression faltering with the look of total wrath in Louis' eyes.

''Geez, Lou. I was just kidding, you kn....'' Ben says but it's not enough.

''Take it back, Ben.'' Louis interrupts, suddenly looking bigger than his small frame.

''Lou, it's alright…'' Harry tries to say, not wanting Louis to get all worked up over this.

''I said take it back.'' Louis says sternly, his eyes on Ben and Ben alone. Ben looks like he's been offended and also a little bit guilty for ending up on Louis' wrong side. He steals a glance at Harry before he looks at Louis, already apologetic.

''Sorry, Lou. My bad.'' He says, though not happy that Louis' embarrassed him. He tries to change that. ''Last time, yeah?''

''Apologize to him, Ben. Not me.'' Louis says, not wavering. Ben sighs dramatically, feels like he's being scolded before he turns to Harry, his lips pursed. He really doesn't want to do this but know his reputation can be affected by this because it's making Louis look like a saint and him like a total douche.

''Fine. Sorry, Harry. I take it back.'' He then looks at Louis like a hurt puppy but it looks so fake. ''Happy now?''

Louis doesn't say anything, a stern expression still heavy on his face. Ben wants to alter that, he seems very keen on making everyone joyous.

''Oh come on, Tommo. I said I was sorry.'' He says sweetly then goes to put his arm around Louis' waist again. His fingers are on the verge of curling around Louis and Harry can almost feel Louis' pain rather than see it and Harry's had enough.

''Back off, will you?'' he explodes, pulling Ben by the collar before pushing him across the hall. Ben is startled and automatically goes for Harry but Louis stands in between. Zayn pushes Harry away too, standing between him and Louis, his back to the shorter boy. Harry is knocked back to the lockers but his eyes steady on Ben, hating the separation even though he's just mere inches from Louis.

''Enough, both of you!!'' Louis says sternly, his arm up against Ben's chest. Ben is not having it and neither is Harry.

''Walk away, Harry. C'mon.'' Zayn whispers. He knows that Ben is one of those that roll with the football bullies and they don't really need this right now.

''Ben!'' Louis says as a warning. Ben fumes but then the bell rings and suddenly all that macho anger is gone. He backs off Louis' hand and straightens up.

''I'll see you later, cap.'' He says quietly, his eyes on Harry still. However, he does walk away much to Louis' relief. The tension is still thick in the air but Louis has had enough of it. He goes to his locker and pulls out his books, cutting off Harry's apologies as he slams his locker shot.

''We have to go to class.'' He says in an undertone. He's not angry, Harry can tell, just that now is not the time to talk. Louis doesn't say anything else, just catches a glimpse of him and Zayn before going up the stairs. Harry looks after him for a minute before Zayn pulls him by the elbow and beckons him to get to class.

 

In 1st period, Harry cannot concentrate. He wants to apologize to Louis so badly, he can almost taste it in his mouth. He wants to see him right that minute, debates whether he should ask the teacher's permission to leave. He's trying to come up with an excuse but he doesn't get a chance to play it out, as he feels his phone vibrate. He pulls it out and keeps it under the desk. He's got a message from their private chat box.

_Lou: I know ur sry. Concentrate in class & stop thinking bout it :D_

Harry smiles minutely; he knows how much Louis hates it when he's feeling guilty, loves that Louis knows that about him. He texts back;

_Haz: He was hurting u. I didn't like it._

_Lou: He was mean 2 u. didn’t like that either._

_Haz: so we both don’t like him ;D_

_Lou: I guess so._

_Haz: but we like each other, right? No hard feelings?_

_Lou: of course. Can never b mad at u, baby boy._

_Haz: me neither. U know that right?_

_Lou: you're talking about the death glares this morning? ;D_

_Haz: hahahaha…I guess so._

Harry pauses then follows it up with another text.

_Haz: U must know they were not directed at u._

_Lou: I know, duh. But I didn't like it._

_Haz: I'm sorry._

_Lou: Apologies accepted, babycakes._

_Haz: I'm just feeling very protective of you right now._

Harry hesitates but presses send a second after, guilty immediately. He tries to concentrate in class when no text comes. Five minutes later, it does;

_Lou: Me too. Wen Ben said that…it wasn't right._

_Haz: u know, u get really scary when u go into mama bear phase :D_

_Lou: Mama bear? More like a feral being ;D It took me everything not to punch him._

_Haz: Hey, no fights over me in school. Violence is not acceptable._

_Lou: never stopped me be4_

Harry knows he means the bathroom incident and it kind of makes him feel warm inside, knowing that Louis' got his back all the time.

_Haz: I know_

_Lou: Won't stop me in the present or future either._

_Haz: Hey, don’t want you punching people. Ur hurt._

_Lou: again with the hurt part. I'm not made of glass, love._

_Haz: I know but I love u and I don't want u to hurt someone over me who is not worth ur trouble and not unless I let u._

_Lou: let me?_

_Haz: Yeah, let u. coz if am not bothered by it, then u shouldn’t either._

Another five minutes pass before he gets a reply;

_Lou: ur lying. Of course his comment bothered u._

_Haz: okay it did, but am not going to let every hurtful comment get the best of me._

_Lou: hmm_

_Haz: wat?_

_Lou: ur really mature about that. its very stand-up of u._

_Haz: r u complementing me? ;D_

_Lou: that and the fact that am kind of proud to have u as my friend rite now_

_Haz: aww :D_

_Lou: Aww xoxoxoxo_

_Haz: really wish I cld hug u rite now. Not like that bastard. Did he hurt u?_

_Lou: at the time it hurt but am fine now. Really wish u cld hug me too._

_Haz: Okay, 2 nd period._

_Lou: U mean third period. Did u 4get wt day it is?_

_Haz: Ah damn it_

_Lou: hahahah, ur cute_

_Haz: Hey_

_Lou: its true_

_Haz: well, ur adorable_

_Lou: reeeeally wish i cld hug u._

_Haz: hahahahah, I know._

_Lou: that’s the bell. Laters bbe xoxo_

_Haz: third period xoxo_

_Lou: ok_

_Haz: Ok_

And just like that, everything was back to normal. They meet in front of Louis' locker before third period and hug before going to class together. Liam, Niall and Zayn are with them and without having to ask, Harry knows that Niall and Liam know about the morning incident, about Louis getting hurt. Zayn probably told them, Harry thinks but he doesn't mind. He loves seeing them being affectionate with Louis, loves it when they make him laugh, seeing as he's trying really hard not to show how uncomfortable he is just sitting down. Throughout the rest of the day, they have classes together, and Harry gets overly protective when someone so much as brushes by Louis' skin but he does better not to show it. They see Ben a couple of times in the hallways but they merely exchange blank glances and move on.

During lunch, Louis asks Zayn for some painkillers and Harry can only imagine how much of the day's sitting down he had to endure. Liam makes sure he eats first before he lets Zayn give him two pills, maximum dosage. Louis is grateful for the care, spends the rest of lunch leaning towards Harry as a substitute for his comforting cuddles. They pretty much hug each other with their eyes and secret smiles, know what the other is thinking without the need to utter it out loud.

Harry is saddened by the fact that Louis has football practice and that this time he can't skip because it's a game night. However, Louis steps up to the plate, plays his part and doesn't complain. Harry watches him in the stands, makes sure that Ben doesn't bother Louis over him. He kind of sends the boy death glares when he sees Ben sending him snobby looks and snickers like he's rubbing the time he's spending with Louis in his face. But Harry eases up when he sees Louis glance at him or waves at him. It easily brings a smile to his face and Ben is easily forgotten.

Louis doesn't struggle so much on the field, especially with Liam there like his very own shadow, constantly by his side. He does hold his side sometimes, or stretches his back with a wince and it gets Harry out of his seat and closer to the edge before Louis waves him off. He pulls himself together then.

During practice, Harry kind of feels a bit tired, like the whole weekend and morning has finally pulled at his strength. He feels his muscles aching, his head heavy but he pushes on for Louis, knows the boy needs him more than he needs himself. Zayn notices that there is something wrong and asks him about it.

''You alright, mate?'' he says, snuggling into his fuzzy jacket, It's getting colder and colder everyday and he's wearing a hoodie under his leather jacket and a beanie. Harry isn't wearing much, didn't account for the day's weather and he hopes he's not coming down with something. He's been finding it hard copying Zayn's notes, having to do so in the first place due to his zoning out 1st period. He really is trying but it's kinda hard doing so while watching Louis' every move on the football field. Its not unusual for him to juggle both but he does feel more tired than usual today, struggling to keep his head on his neck.

''Yeah, am fine. Maybe it's just the gloomy weather.'' He says as he looks up. It does look very bleak for a Sunday afternoon, too much cloud and too much wind. He looks back at the field and suddenly Louis just looks so small, puffing out smokes of air like a dragon.

''Well, you look paler than normal.'' Zayn notes. ''Says the drug-addict lookalike.'' Harry snorts. Zayn goes for him, gets Harry in a head-lock before the other gives in with bouts of laughter.

Practice ends and its time to go home. The match is a couple of hours later so they have time for an early dinner before the match begins. Liam invites them over for a study group which they all agree to. They pile into his car and sing out loud to songs on the radio. It's like any other day except that Harry is really feeling under the weather.

''You alright?'' Louis asks him when they enter the study room in Liam's house. Harry sighs; he's been asked that multiple times already. However, the way Louis was looking at him, he tried to ease the lie that was ready to slip off his tongue.

''I don't know; maybe I just need some sleep.'' He offers with an easy smile.

''Oh, well, I'm sure Liam won't mind you using his room. Here.'' Louis gets him to stand up, ever so eager to be of help. ''Liam love, is it alright if Harry sleeps in your room for a bit?''

"No, no,'' Harry immediately refuses, not expecting this turn. ''I don't want to miss the match, Lou…''

''No, it's alright.'' Liam offers. ''We'll wake you up before the match. You go sleep, we're good here.''

''I really don't….'' Harry tries to refuse, wants to elaborate on the fact that Louis needs his notes -even though the lad can copy them from Zayn- but Louis is already pushing him out the door.

''Haz, it's fine. Just rest your pretty green eyes and we'll wake you up. Promise.'' Louis says sweetly. Harry sighs, much to the chuckles of the boys behind Louis. He lets his best fried drag him out the room after Louis sticks his tongue out to the other three. They reach Liam's bedroom and Louis accompanies Harry right up to the bed, even going as far as taking Harry's shoes off. Harry wouldn't have allowed it but he's really feeling worn out.

''Just a couple of hours, Lou. Am putting my alarm on just in case.'' Harry says as he takes out his phone. Louis sighs dramatically but allows Harry his way. He tucks Harry under the covers then blows him a kiss before he lets the lad have his sleep. Harry dozes off in no time, hoping the incoming headache won't span out.

 

When it was time to leave for the match, Louis treads to Liam's room and removes Harry's alarm before it even rings, simply because he can see it all now, see that Harry is all worn out and tired, pale-looking and definitely coming down with something. Harry hasn't moved from his position on the bed, tucked under the covers with his chin barely jutting out. Louis decided then to let him skip the match and rest. He writes down a message and leaves it by Harry's forehead before kissing him there. He feels satisfied with letting Harry sleep, not because it's an act of kindness but because he wants to return the favor. Harry has been solidly by his side the past days, comforting him through the tough moments and getting him through the worse. Letting him sleep and skip the match was the least he could do.

He asks Liam's permission and shouldn't have expected a negative response from the lad. Liam tells his mom that his friend is sleeping in his room and that he shouldn't be bothered unless he wakes up and asks for them. Karen wishes her son the best of luck as well as Louis in the match before they all get into Liam's car and drive off to the football pitch. Louis hopes that Harry will be okay.

 

However, Louis was right to let him sleep because when Harry does wake up, it's with a pounding, gigantic headache.

Harry was ill, that much was certain. He could feel waves of heat radiating out from his body, like he was standing in front of a space heater yet his skin was standing up in gooseflesh at the same time. His head felt like it was swaying on his neck when he tried to sit up but failed immensely. His head was dizzyingly heavy and hard to keep straight even when laid back on the pillow. He could barely focus his eyes on anything in the dim room, and yet all sorts of shapes were cropping up in front of his vision – things that shouldn’t have been there, yet were. Maybe because he's in Liam's room and not his but he has to close his eyes because it's all too much.

“Lou?” he calls out, feeling his tongue flopping dryly in his mouth. His hand searched through the covers. He couldn’t find anything at first then his fingers scrunched up a piece of paper. In the dark he couldn’t read what was said but his wrist accidently stumbled upon his phone and the screen lit up long enough for him to read the words on the paper;

_''You looked tired, love so I left you sleeping. Will be back as soon as the match is over. Stay put. Help yourself to anything that's Liam's. He said he doesn't mind. Love u xoxo.''_

In his fever-addled state of mind, he doesn’t think much of it, when usually he'd be panicking on the inside for not being by Louis' side. In his condition, all he knew was that he needed some help, or some water, because he could barely remember his own name anymore. The boys were not with him, that part he registered and they surely didn't account for his feverish state just as much as he didn't either. So, he tried to think and even that was too much.

''Mrs. Payne?'' he called out feebly. His voice sounded strangely liquid and bent to his own ears, like it was taking time to travel from his mouth to his eardrums to his brain. Still burning, he resolutely kicked off the covers that bound his legs like a shroud, reveling and shivering in the cool air that wafted over his sweaty legs. It took some effort and it made his head spin, but he managed to push himself off of the edge of the mattress and onto his feet, where he stumbled and staggered over to where he thought the door was, feeling around in the dark.

He had to stop for a moment, head pressed against the cold wood of Liam's bedroom door, before his questing fingers came into contact with something soft that slipped when his twitchy fingers came into contact with it. He barely registers it as Liam's flannel shirt, hooked unto the doorknob and now rests on the floor. He doesn't bother with picking it up, knows for sure he'll topple over so when his hand lands on the hard, icy steel of the door handle, he stays put and tries to keep steady for a moment. Then he pushed his way out into the hallway, walking on numb feet that could barely hold him. He doesn't know where he's going, slightly forgetting that he's at his friend's place and therefore panicking a little.

Harry was swaying as he made it a couple of meters and what he thought was the kitchen turned out to be the bathroom, he started to panic even more. His view became more fuzzy and distorted he had to lean against the door and take a breather. He barely registered the noises that erupted all of a sudden, cheery and joyous, greeted by warmth and equal happiness. No, it's slipped his mind that he's slept for a solid 5 hours and that the distant voices are that of his friends coming back from the match, one in particular is now heading towards Liam's room to check on him. No, he stood there at the centre of the bathroom, his feet unsteady beneath him and his hands trembling with effort as he tried to turn the cold tap on the sink.

Louis, on the other hand, when turning on the lights in Liam's room and not finding a lump on the bed, quickly went to the kitchen and asked Karen if she's seen Harry. The mother said that she hasn't heard a word coming from the room, would've noticed if she did. Louis and the other boys glanced at each other worriedly, Louis panicking slightly. He was about to wonder if maybe Harry went back home when they heard a loud thud.

Louis's alarm ascended at the sound and he immediately shot from his position by the kitchen door, padding through the hallway towards the bathroom. The other boys followed, whipping their heads around desperately. Louis rounded the corner of the hall just in time to see Harry sprawled across the bathroom door, clutching his head and coughing like he was heaving his last breath.

''Haz!!!'' Louis cried out in a haze of panic. He skidded across the floor and pulled Harry to him, his head on his lap as he pushed his hair away, trying to catch his face. But then his hand touched Harry's forehead and he felt the burning sensation, the fever spiraling out of control.

''Harry!'' Liam followed, the other boys with him as they surrounded the sick lad.

''He's burning up!'' Louis uttered as Harry's head lolled in his lap. He was so stricken with worry, as Harry was yet to say anything.

''Lou...'' Harry groaned. He can't open his eyes, he feels too dizzy.

''Am here, love.'' Louis assured him as he pressed his hand against Harry's face. Harry turned gratefully into his palm, seeking the cool temperature, and then swallowed thickly. It was a painful sound, and one that they all heard.

Liam was busy trying to see if the fall hurt Harry in any way but thank goodness there was no blood. Karen came up behind them and her motherly instinct took over as she crouched by Louis' side, Zayn and Niall giving her space. She pressed her hand against Harry's forehead and felt the same burning sensation.

''Harry dear, can you hear me?'' She asked. Harry nodded, clutching Louis' wrist weakly to keep his cool hand against his cheek. ''Well, love, am afraid to tell you but you've got a bad fever. How's your stomach, dearie?''

Harry moaned, succumbing to Louis' caresses. Louis was panicking on the inside, his other arm naturally going around Harry's shoulders, almost carrying him up to his chest, letting Harry bury his face in his stomach. But Harry feels too weak to appreciate the heat through Louis' belly; he's actually finding comfort on the floor.

''I…I threw up.'' He mumbled. Zayn stood up and saw the toilet, scrunched his nose then flushed the toilet and turned down the toilet seat.

''Sorry.'' Harry muttered, truly guilty but Louis shooed him, rubbing his back to console him

''It's alright, love.'' Louis assured him.

''Well, c'mon boys,'' Karen said. ''Get him off the floor. Liam, call his mom, tell her that he's in no condition to leave, that he's staying the night. Zayn, get some wash cloths and wet them. Niall, get a bucket from under the kitchen sink and a box of tissues from the bathroom. C'mon now.''

They all followed her instructions. Louis got his other arm under Harry's knees and carried him off the floor to Liam's room. Liam followed as he grabbed Harry's phone and started calling Anne. Niall and Zayn went to the kitchen, stumbling across each other. Harry was in too much of a haze to notice who was in the room with him and who wasn't, knows that Louis is there only by instinct and trust.

''Maybe we should get him to a hospital.'' Louis said urgently. His expression was twisted in unabashed fear, something that was usual for the boy but still, seeing Harry on the floor like that twisted his gut and his blue eyes were so wide in his face that the whites were barely showing all the way around.

“I’m fine,” Harry mumbled, fooling no one. Louis continued to caress his hair as everyone else around him flew past. Harry peeled open his eyes a bit and saw the worry lines on Louis' brow, a little bit blurry but definitely there.

''You won?'' he mumbled. Louis' eyes crinkled with unabashed love for this boy as he nodded.

''Yeah, two-nil.'' He nodded. Harry smiled then closed his eyes again, hoping that when he opens them next, Louis would still be there and that he'll be alright.


	17. You are the earth that I stand upon

When Harry woke up, he was a bit disoriented but he was incredibly warm. That was partly his own body heat, residues of his fever still on his brow and partly because of the body lying next to him.

Louis was awake too, long before his friend opened his eyes. He was sitting half-upright in the bed with his phone in one hand tapping the keys intermittently. It wasn't exactly morning yet, just border lining on dawn. His other hand was resting in Harry's hair, slowly stroking through the curls; this was made possible by the fact that Harry was fast asleep with his head leaning on Louis' chest, face buried in the light hoodie that his best friend had donned for the occasion. Before Harry woke up, he wore an expression that was completely slack and peaceful, and did not change at all as Louis tucked his phone under the pillow and closed his eyes. He was assuring his sisters not to worry about him, as he was reminded of paying Eleanor her fee for driving his sisters to school. He had so much to do but last night; he had to put Harry first.

When he felt Harry stir, he opened his eyes, waiting for it to happen. He glanced down at Harry's face, as the curly-haired lad lifted his messy head of hair off of his chest, making Louis feel a sudden rush of tingling blood in his stomach as sensation returned to his numb torso. But Harry just huffed and went back to sleep, much to Louis' amusement. However, he was in no hurry. After all, it was such an incredibly difficult night.

There was no need to take Harry's temperature, that much was obvious and Karen had insisted the other boys go home before they catch what Harry has. All left upon her insistence, wishing Harry to get well soon. The only one who absolutely refused to leave was Louis. He even called his work for a night off so that Liam doesn't force him to leave. Louis was aware of the risk and his boss did cut him off from the month's salary but he still didn't go, knowing that that was what Liam was thinking.

''I'll make it up in tips.'' He told Liam, just so that he'll wipe the worry look off his face. Both he and Liam tended to Harry then, wiping his brow when a new wave of sweat broke through, bringing him close to the bucket when he'd throw up. It was a terrible flu, Karen was certain and she assured Louis that his throwing up will make the flu go away.

Liam bunked up his bed with as much blankets as possible as Harry was a shivering mess even though he was incredibly warm. He and Louis took turns staying up with him, though Louis not so much as he was wary of his injuries, itching whenever he sat for too long. Finally, after the third time he'd vomited for the night, Harry was finally still on the bed. He'd been coughing and sneezing, groaning and moaning, clutching his stomach but not once complaining. It helped that Louis rubbed his stomach after every new wave, wiped his brow and murmured warm words against his skin, not to mention that Karen had given him medicine and slowly it was starting to kick off, resulting into his finally falling asleep.

Louis was also feeling tired himself, the effects of the game and the fading effectiveness of his painkillers taking over. That is how he found himself in bed with Harry, not once caring about Liam's warning that he might get sick too because when Harry immediately cuddled up to him, clinging to him like his new favorite pillow, Louis didn't have the heart to leave.

And so, there he was, carding his fingers through Harry's curls and staring into the silence until Harry stirred again. Harry turned his head this time and peeled his eyes open as he stared at Louis through his heavy lids.

''Morning, love.'' Louis whispered gently. ''How are you feeling?''

''A little better.'' Harry sighed, squirming against Louis, wanting to get closer. Louis just grinned. He didn't know that Harry gets overly-cuddly when he's sick.

''Let me check.'' Louis said as he pressed the flat of his palm against Harry's forehead. He wasn't too feverish anymore and for that Louis was grateful.

''Not bad.'' He said.

''What time is it?'' Harry asked, his voice croaky.

''A little after 4 am.'' Louis answered.

''That's early.''

''Yup, so you can go back to sleep if you want.''

''Hmm.''

They were silent for a bit and Harry showed no sign of moving off of Louis' chest. Louis was not complaining.

''Where's Liam?'' Harry then asked. After all, they were in his room.

''He's sleeping on the couch. Poor lad, we took over his room like the British invasion.'' Louis chuckled. Harry chuckled too though it was weak, muffled by Louis' shirt.

''And the boys?''

''They went home.''

Harry looked up at Louis here, his eyes steady on him. Harry still looked paler than normal but considering what happened, Louis was not surprised.

''You stayed?''

''Obviously.'' Louis snorted.

Harry hummed happily, cuddling his face into Louis' chest. Louis was just as content as he was.

''Wait,'' Harry said as realization hit. ''What about work?''

''What about it?''

''Please don't tell me you skipped because of me.''

''Okay, I won't tell you.''

''Lou!''

''Haz!!''

Harry just shook his head. Somehow, he should've expected this and he feels partially at fault.

''Hey, I chose to stay.'' Louis said. ''Its nothing I can't handle.''

''You shouldn’t have to handle anything.'' Harry muttered, closing his eyes and sniffing. They were silent for a moment and that moment turned into an hour as Harry drifted off again. Next time he woke up, he saw Louis frowning at his phone.

''Something wrong?'' he asked.

''Well, I gotta go to school, love.'' Louis says before he tucks his phone away and looks at Harry. ''And you gotta go home and let your mom take care of you.''

''Yeah.'' Harry agreed. He was in no way in shape for school. And so, they both got up and got ready to depart Liam's household. Karen was already awake and she prepared noodle soup for Harry and a cup of tea for his troubled stomach. Harry gathered up all the blankets around him like a cloak and was sad to let them go when he entered Liam's car only to find relief when said boy turned on the heater. Harry found it strange though, having his head now resting on Louis' thighs. Having their roles in reverse was quite a picture but it was a comfort he was already fond of. Louis was such a good care-taker or even better, a really good friend. He never stopped asking about how he was feeling, constantly comforting him. He would've spoon-fed him if it wasn't for his indignant response and the fact that Liam was sitting across from them at the kitchen table. That still didn't stop Louis from helping him get into a warm shower, dressing him up and carrying him to the car like a toddler. Secretly, Harry loved all the care and love but it was just too embarrassing to admit to it. It's like he's become so good at taking care of Louis that letting it happen the other way round was like new territory. However, he allowed it, because he loves Louis, loves how much he is worth it when said boy is taking care of him like this, that when Liam says his house is in view, he partially wants to change his mind and go to school just to be with the lad.

But alas, Liam arrived at his household and Louis did not allow him to have a say. He insists that Harry goes straight to bed while he explains everything to his mother. Louis assures Anne as he tucks Harry under the covers of his own bed that Harry was well-taken care of, promising her that Harry will surely be alright now. Anne is already fussing over her boy, asking him multiple questions about what medicines he took and so and so that Louis makes it short, kisses Harry sweetly on his forehead before wishing him a get well soon then he has to leave, not wanting to keep Liam waiting. Harry is forever grateful and promises to text as soon as he is able.

However, he feels like shit the whole day, sneezing and coughing, boxes of tissues littered allover his blanket. Anne nurses him throughout the day and only leaves him be when he goes for another much needed shower. However, he doesn't liker her fussing over him because it's bad enough she had to take work off for him. Eventually she lets him be, makes him promise to give a shout out if he needs anything. Harry is forever in debt to her.

What comforts him throughout the day though, is Louis' constant stream of texts, telling him what he's missing out on, sending out heart-shaped emojis and silly nonsense that means everything to Harry because its just so Louis to be this caring.

Before lunch;

_Lou: Ben is happy ur not here. I am soooo not :c_

_Haz: Is he givin u trouble?_

_Lou: no, but he makes me miss u_

_Haz: I can come pick u up_

_Lou: u r absolutely not leaving ur house in ur state._

_Haz: for u I wld._

_Lou: 4 me u will definitely not._

_Haz: fine and just so u know, am frowning at my screen rite now_

_Lou: u better not, u'll get all wrinkly_

_Haz: tell me wat ur doin_

_Lou: textin u_

_Haz: what else?_

_Lou: not paying attention in class_

_Haz: well then get off the phone!_

_Lou: fine. Am frowning at u._

During lunch:

_Lou: really wish u wer here._

_Haz: me too. Am so bored_

_Lou: slept all day?_

_Haz: more like sneezed all day :c getting sick is no fun_

_Lou: u sure are missing out…'sigh'_

_Haz: what am I missin out on?_

_Lou: great high school gossip._

_Haz: oh do tell!!_

_Lou: new girl. Foreign exchange student. Every one dying 2 snog her_

_Haz: is that so?_

_Lou: yup. She's from Milan. Smokin' hot_

_Haz: I see. Footballers making their moves?_

_Lou: yup and dear ben was an epic fail_

_Haz: ahahahah, she playin hard to get?_

_Lou: nope, straight up refused to speak to him. Called him an ape_

_Haz: hahaahha, epic_

_Lou: told ya_

_Haz: what else?_

_Lou: not much. Am eating an apple_

_Haz: that's it? That's not much!!_

_Lou: well, am not that hungry_

_Haz: eat something or else am textin Liam to feed u_

_Lou: u wldnt dare_

_Haz: try me_

_Lou: fine, u win. I hate u_

_Haz: we both know u don’t_

_Lou: xxxx_

_Haz: xoxoxo ^-^_

After lunch:

_Lou: You will not believe what u just missed out on_

_Haz: Wat?_

_Lou: Barbara and Amy had a huge fite. Guess over who?_

_Haz: No way…Niall?_

_Lou: yup. It was intense, like claws and screams intense_

_Haz: wow_

_Lou: yup_

_Haz: who won?_

_Lou: well, Niall intervened._

_Haz: uh uh_

_Lou: exactly_

_Haz: and?_

_Lou: he had to make a choice._

_Haz: shit. That’s tough_

_Lou: yeah. He likes 'em both but he went 4 Barbara. He's always had a crush on her._

_Haz: brave kid. How is amy feelin'?_

_Lou: gutted. She was 'bout 2 slap Niall in the face before Liam pulled him away at d last minute._

_Haz: wow, nasty stuff._

_Lou: yeah and it all went down during lunch hall._

_Haz: in public? shit_

_Lou: exactly. Niall is not sure he made the right choice. Needs comfort._

_Haz: well, go comfort him._

_Lou: ok, will text u details later_

_Haz: ok. Tell him I said hi and that am rooting for him_

_Lou: will do :D_

_Haz: xoxo_

Before end of last period:

_Haz: how's ni?_

_Lou: he's not sure he made the rite choice. hates that he came between 2 best friends_

_Haz: yeah, tough position._

_Lou: he's gonna speak to barb, tell her not to rush into them being an item. Its liam's advice_

_Haz; sounds like proper advice_

_Lou: yeah_

_Haz: u want my opinion?_

_Lou: sure, anything to help._

_Haz: he needs to let the girls reconcile. Its not his fault that they both like him but it shouldnt come over their friendship_

_Lou: okay, will tell him_

_Haz: ok_

As he waits for Louis' text, he goes for a tissue and turns on the tellie. A text doesn't come for a solid 5 minutes and the medicine his mom gave him after lunch is making him feel drowsy. Soon, he's dozing off again, his running nose making his face all puffy and red, his eyes swollen and in need of closure.

When he does wake up, there are at least 10 texts, all from the boys, wishing him a speedy recovery. He stretches in bed, feeling slightly better. The tellie in his room is on mute which is strange considering he didn't turn down the volume. He shuffles and what he sees puts a smile on his face.

Louis is sitting there at his study desk, perched on the chair, features chiseled into stark concentration by the blue glow of Harry's computer screen. He’s got a word document open in the background - no doubt the history paper they have due tomorrow – and both his and Harry's history book open on both sides of the keyboard. He's got multiple other books stacked up on the desk, both his and Harry's, all ready to be opened and filled in on what school work Harry has missed out on. Louis didn't notice Harry looking at him, nor did he hear him since he's got his earphones plugged in and Harry can vaguely hear 'coldplay' being played on his iPod, or in this case Harry's iPod. He's rifting through the pages of a reference book on his lap, a big brown-leathered book that Harry borrowed from the library, then highlighting certain lines and paragraphs with deep concentration on his and Harry's history book, then picking up a pencil and scribbling on a piece of paper written on it Harry's name. He's got his black-rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, his fringe a mess on one side but just dazzlingly perfect. He's never looked more serious before yet all so domestic. Harry likes it a lot, a lot.

Harry watches him until 'viva la vida' ends and a new song begins to hum out of Louis' earphones and that's when he sits up slightly and reaches out, pressing the stop button on the iPod near the edge of the table. Louis is not fazed, too deep in concentration to notice the music has stopped. Harry just shakes his head fondly before he tugs on the string of the earphone. Louis startles then catches Harry's eyes and that's when a blazing smile hits his lips and he's tugging off the earphones and grinning happily at Harry.

''Hey love! How're you feeling now?'' he says, taking off his reading glasses and perching his skinny arm on the edge of the table.

''Much, much better.'' Harry answers honestly.

''Well, I hope I didn't disturb you or anything but your mom let me in after I told her I brought my notes for you.'' Louis says, pointing at the books on the table.

''Thanks, I'm gonna need that.'' Harry says as he sits upright and peers at the papers filled with Louis' handwriting. Louis has a small, neat handwriting. His letters are spaced out a little weirdly, and are sized a little differently, but the little smiley face he always does at the end of his sentences are always written out so perfectly that Harry cannot help but smile.

''Am just about done with history before I move on to English.'' Louis continues. ''Thanks to Niall's notes, its not gonna take me long.''

''How is Niall?'' Harry asks, folding his arms under his chin as he leaned against the top of his study desk.

''Well, he spoke to Barbara in the parking lot after school, told her they ought to wait before they start anything.'' Louis answered. ''She agreed, felt guilty for upsetting Amy. After that, Niall drove to Amy's house, thought he'd speak to her too.''

''And?''

''I guess it went well. He texted Liam an hour ago, told him they worked it out.''

''I'm guessing Amy likes him too much, she'll settle for being his friend.'' Harry offered but he wrinkled his nose, not liking to make assumptions about people behind their backs.

''I don't know.'' Louis sighs, putting the book on his lap on the table and sitting back, squeezing fists into his eyes. He's obviously been working straight, Harry can tell and he's instantly guilty about it.

''Hey, why don't you relax for a while? I can probably finish the rest on my own.'' Harry says.

''You sure? I mean, if you're still not…''

''Quite sure and really thank you, this is too much.''

''Seriously?'' Louis snorts. ''You think this?'' he gestures to the books. ''Is too much? Compared to what you've done for me, Harold, I don't think so.''

''I didn’t take care of you so that you could do my essays for me, Lou. I did it because that's what friends are for. We watch each other's backs, yeah?'' he says gently, tilting his head to the side and Louis gulps at the sight because Harry is looking really cute right now.

''Well, still, no need to thank me.'' Louis insists. Harry just chuckles and doesn't push.

''I spoke to Eleanor today.'' Louis starts after their brief, comfortable silence. Harry peers at him through his curls, half his face still tucked under his folded arms. His legs are now on the side of the bed, his feet touching the floor and looking at Louis from this angle, Harry cannot take his eyes off him. He's always had a little crush on Louis, knows that if he were a girl, he'd probably jump his bones. But he also knows that Louis has eyes for Eleanor and Harry is too good of a friend to take that from him, even if he doesn't feel that way about Louis.

''And?'' Harry prompts.

''And nothing.'' Louis sighs sadly, cracking the muscles in his tired knuckles before sagging on the chair. ''I just drove home to do some things, cleaning and such, cook the girls their lunch, then went to her and paid her for her trouble driving them back and forth from school. That's it.'' Louis ended. All this time, he can't look at Harry, like he's afraid his eyes might be too revealing.

''You really like her, don't you?'' Harry asks quietly.

''Yeah.'' And Harry is pretty sure that's the first time he's admitted it out loud and not only to Harry but by the frown on Louis' brow, to himself as well.

''Then what's stopping you?'' Harry asks carefully. Louis keeps his eyes down as he shakes his head, a sad smile on his face.

''Her mom caught me at the door today and after she greeted me, asked me about the noises coming from my house last weekend.''

Harry was now very still and Louis' voice was so quiet, he feared that moving will disturb it.

''I lied of course but doing it while Eleanor was looking at me,'' His voice caught and Harry edged further from the bed and closer to him, ready to comfort. Louis shook his head again while he took a deep breathe, looking away like he's so ashamed.

''I have this feeling in my gut that she's been wondering about it and I can't blame her for it. Being neighbors, I'm sure she can't help but hear a few things during the night or the day for that matter. I try to keep quiet, just so that she wouldn't hear but I guess those tend to slip my mind when…'' Louis' voice shook and Harry wants to soothe him, hug him and let him burrow into his chest. But Harry continues to listen, wants to know what scale of comfort he needs to reach first before he makes his move. Louis' eyes remain downcast as he spoke.

''Every time I see her, I imagine how grossed out she would be if she saw what's hidden underneath my shirt, saw the ugliness on my skin. Sometimes, I think she sees it and yet I can't tell what she thinks of me, can't read her eyes or tell if the sad look there is because she knows I'm broken which I truly wish she doesn't, but that's only to satisfy my imagination. I know I'm broken but I'm hoping…'' he pauses. ''Well, to be honest, I don't want to find out what she truly thinks and I don't want him to hurt her either.'' Louis swallows and nods and Harry realizes that's been part of the reason all along. He knows there's something else, he's sure of it.

He places his hand on Louis' knee, a gesture to keep going, that his thoughts are safe with Harry. Louis looks at his hand and smiles slightly, welcoming the comfort like he's used to by now. And Harry can't take his eyes off of Louis. He’s just so fucking beautiful. His lower lip is drawn between his teeth now as he tries to find the words, and there is a small line of concentration between his eyebrows. His eyes are so, so blue, and they move back and forth a little bit as they look up at Harry, wondering what his friend would think, if he'll judge him or dismiss his fears, like they’re searching Harry out amongst the shadows of his thoughts. His eyelashes are impossibly long, and his sharp cheekbones contrast with his soft features. He’s so gorgeous and Harry cannot help but want to be there for him and help him through everything he's going through.

''I don't…I don't know what to say to her to make her believe I'm not damaged but that would mean having to lie because I am damaged goods. I keep imagining hugging her and her hugging me back but then she'd press against a bruise and I'll flinch and then she'll ask questions and I'll run away.'' He looks down then up at Harry here and Harry aches to wipe that look of sadness in his eyes. ''It's easy to let you touch me because you don't ask questions anymore, you just understand and you know what to do with me. You help me get through the bad and worse and any version of terrified you find me in, even if I'm not aware of it myself and for that I am forever grateful, Harry, I am. But I don't want the girl I have a massive crush on to be just another set of helping hands. I want to be the one there for her. I want to be the cliché protective boyfriend who listens to her problems, who takes her out on dates and makes her laugh, who would work with her through her issues and sit with her when she needs someone to talk to. I don't want to be afraid of her touching me because it only means I can't be a proper boyfriend to her, can't let her lean into me or me into her for fear of bringing up unnecessary questions. I can't log her into my hours or think of excuses to tell her when I'm too hurt to be seen with her without having to resort to lying and if she's not who I think she is, then to have to endure her shunning me away forever. I have to put her first and besides, just the thought of her rejection is good enough to make me not make a move.''

Harry doesn't know what to say because this boy, this beautiful boy sitting right in front of him is so obnoxiously selfless he's literally trying to occupy the least amount of space in the eyes of everyone he loves, simply because he fears that if they love him back, they'll burn and turn away.

''Can I talk?'' Harry asks. Louis nods a minuscule one. Harry reaches for his hand and pulls Louis to his feet. And Louis just goes, like his admission has made him vulnerable. He goes till he's sitting on the bed with Harry as the latter sandwiches Louis' hand between his big ones. He hopes he gets this right because he wants to help and he'll try his hardest because by God, he wants to help.

''I would like you to hear what I think of you, Louis because obviously there is somebody out there other than myself who has been giving you advice and not good advice but shitty advice on how to think about yourself and I don't like it. I think you trust me enough to know that what I'm about to say is all truth and no lies, yeah?''

Louis nods, looking at him steadily now.

''I'll believe everything you say to me, promise.'' Louis says, though his voice is quivering, like he fears Harry will confirm all his self-doubt.

''Well, for one; you are not damaged goods because for someone who can smile with their whole body cannot be damaged. I know how broken you can get, how hard he can break you but you are _not_ broken, Louis.'' Harry says with deep emphasis. ''And the reason for that is because you let me fix you. You let me deal with what you can't and that amount of trust is scary sometimes because you’ve become my beautiful, lovely, clumsy brother, a person so precious to me that if I hurt you, I’d never forgive myself and therefore, you make it worth it to put you back together and I would not be able to tolerate myself if I left you broken. That's one thing.'' Harry heaves a breather but can already tell he's getting through to Louis, what with the way he was looking at Harry with stars in his eyes.

''Second thing; you know that the other three lads will completely agree with this but I firmly believe that you're the glue that holds us together. You don't see the way you are with us so let me tell you how much of a good person you truly are. You know all of us better than we know ourselves, or even each other like, you sees the parts of us that aren’t visible on the outside and you just get me, every part of me, all on your own, and you get all of us together. You make me stronger; make me better, just by being yourself.''

Harry doesn't understand how he's never noticed properly, the way that Louis glows under his compliments so he doesn't stop.

''Louis, you're my rock, as cheesy as that sounds but you are. You're like my home base. You're where I go when things are getting overwhelming, and I just need to ground myself. You're my centre, you make everything okay,'' Harry is starting to feel his cheeks warm but he isn't going to stop still. ''I don’t even think you realize that you do that for me, even now while you've been sitting here, making copies of your notes and doing my homework for me but you do and you are. You're my favorite person in the world, Louis and if that girl is going to hurt you, I'm sorry but I'm going to break her ten times worse because no one should dare do that to you, least of all the people that you want to entrust your heart with.'' Louis' eyes widen here but Harry shoulders on. ''However, I believe she won't hurt you. On the contrary, I think you don't need that much faith to believe that she likes you just as much as you do. And trust me, I've seen it. She longs for you, Lou and if this girl whose been driving your sisters to school isn't at least partially doing it just to catch a few words with you, then I bet she'll be doing a whole lot more if you give both yourselves the chance. And besides, whoever said a relationship is one-sided? Like, why should all the care be only from you? How can you be certain of her feelings for you if she doesn't care back? If it were me, I'd let her care for me just as much as I'd love to care for her. Now, last thing: you want to win her heart, you go for it. The Tommo I know wouldn't hesitate, wouldn’t let his secrets get in the way of his happiness. And I assure you, Louis, she'll return those feelings. I just know it.''

''I still can't tell her, Harry.'' Louis says after a long while of processing Harry's words, his hand trembling a little in Harry's. ''It will kill me if she rejects me.''

''It won't, trust me.'' Harry has to hug him now, has to draw him in. He feels the residual fear in Louis' heartbeat against his chest and hates that his stepfather is the one that has done this to him.

''You don't know. How do you know?'' Louis asks.

''Because you don't fall for the wrong people, Lou.'' Harry pulls back and cups Louis' face. ''That's why.''

Louis is stunned; after all is said and done, it's so much easier to believe Harry and take his words for it. Not just because he loves him and will believe anything he says but because they do sound true enough, especially when Harry puts it that way. It draws a completely different perspective, a different spin on things and with the way that Harry believes in this so much, looking so sincerely at him, it makes the hope rising in his chest a little bit worth it. He smiles gratefully then pecks Harry's lips shortly before pulling back. Harry is not fazed; this has become a common occurrence now that he easily accepts it as part of their very special kind of friendship.

''Okay.'' Louis says, and there's serenity in his eyes, a leap of faith in Harry's words that is turning his eyes calm and collected. Harry feels accomplished.

''Okay.'' He simply replies.


	18. break even

Harry was right. Two weeks before Christmas, Louis finally got the courage to speak to Eleanor, ask her out on a date. Harry was driving him home and Louis saw her watering the garden and just like that, he decided to do it.

Harry didn't leave as his friend needed him for moral support so he remained in his car and watched as Louis walked up to his crush. Harry was rooting for him, was pretty much nervous enough for the both of them and ready to sprint up and knock some sense into her if she dare refuses his best friend.

But as Harry expected all along, she didn't. She didn't accept immediately, obviously taken by surprise but she didn't play hard to get from the looks of it either, wasn't coy about her feelings. It was obvious that the many short encounters that she and Louis had were enough to develop a subtle understanding between them, made their crush of each other deeper than Harry expected but he couldn't be more proud of his friend for choosing such a wonderful girl. She looked right standing next to him and was delighted when Louis boldly hugged her and pecked her on the cheek.

When she entered her house, Harry got out of his car and met Louis half-way, hugging him so tight that he pulled him off the ground and took him on a spin. Harry was, so, so happy for Louis that there were no words.

 

With the holidays in tow, Niall was set for Ireland to spend the time with his family and his goodbye party was the scene of Louis and Eleanor's first date. Zayn, Liam and Harry couldn't help but snoop a little whenever the two got a private moment, mostly just to tease Louis about it, even allowing themselves to get caught just to see Louis' embarrassment face. But for Harry, he was a bit worried (okay, he was extremely worried). He didn't want Eleanor to find out about Louis by accidentally hurting him and he sure feared her reaction if Louis chooses to come out and tell her. He wanted to be there for Louis in the most logical way possible but he cannot help but feel overly protective and possibly a bit regretful for pushing Louis to go for his crush blindly and without proper preparation. More than all that, its not like Louis was always a hundred percent okay, whether it was a slap here or a push there, his step-father didn't exactly stop his abuse. He knows now that Louis is working in a nightclub and so, whenever he remembers that –considering that he's drunk half the time- he demands for Louis' cut. Louis gives him half of what he earns, simply to make sure he can walk the next day, made it a habit now to give his money to Liam in order to protect his room from chaotic searching and invasion of privacy. Of course, it doesn’t stop the abuse and Harry and the boys don't know how to be happy for him when he himself isn't a hundred percent happy all the time.

But nevertheless, Louis was content. He found immense comfort just by being with them. His small measure of happiness meant the world to him when he was with his brothers and now his girlfriend so he did not complain and never did really. Harry was happy enough for him to forget the rest.

On Christmas Eve, which was Louis' birthday, they all gathered at the pub for a special karaoke night, singing Christmas jingles and holiday tunes. It was a smashing event with drinks all around. Louis was finally eighteen and though that meant he could leave home, it still didn’t mean he could leave his sisters but that was all momentarily forgotten as he sat with Eleanor on one side, Harry on the other and the boys he loved the most surrounding him. Danielle and Eleanor became good friends and Harry was amazed that Dani and Liam were still going strong but then again, Liam was truly besotted by her. Zayn had Perried sat on his lap and the two looked like they needed a room. Harry was just having a proper laugh because he truly was having the best time of his life. Then Niall called and they put him on the speaker as the cake was brought in and with him online, they all sang Louis ''happy birthday.'' The Tommo was on cloud No.9.

Then the boys took the stage again and entertained the crowd, singing one Christmas song after the other, Liam beatboxing, Zayn hitting those crazy high notes that made all the girls swoon, Louis and Harry being cheeky with each other.

After that, they sat huddled in their corner, taking candid photos, enjoying pleasant conversations surrounded by friends and girlfriends. They were not going to stay long as Louis unfortunately had to work –Christmas Eve meant the biggest amount of tips possible- and he had to pass by his house first and be with his sisters to spend some time with them too. Therefore, they wasted no time in bringing out the presents for the birthday boy.

First off was Liam. He gave Louis a 'skater boy' sweater which Louis had pointed out one day that it 'looked fuckin sick.' Louis loved it and didn't show that he kind of expected it as Liam was the least professional when it came to surprises. The sweater was two times Louis' size though Harry was sure Lim couldn't have possibly gotten Louis' size wrong and it hit him then, as Louis fitted the sweater, that Louis had lost weight. He could see the same realization hit Liam's eyes when he caught a brief glance of them widen with worry, but no one said anything as it was meant to be a jolly occasion. Louis lifted his arms in a showing-his-biceps position while Eleanor snapped a photo and Harry smiled at him affectionately as the sweater made Louis look all so cuddly and he couldn't wait for a private moment to hug that boy to himself.

Liam also gave Louis butter cookies, Louis' favourite snack. Louis squealed like a girl over that and decided to share it with the girls when he goes home.

Apparently the boys were doing double gifts, Harry noted as Zayn pulled out two bags, both of which were from Niall which the Irish lad had left with his friend for the occasion. Niall bought Louis a keychain-shaped Lamborghini which made Louis howl with laughter. Harry decided to snap a photo of Louis with said boy holding the key chain close to a wide-splitting grin on his face. He uploaded it on twitter –coz, yeah, Harry has Louis' twitter password- with Louis dictating the caption, ''@Nialler, you forgot the rolex watch :D thanx bro xoxo''

Niall's second present was a jeans jacket that was just Louis' size and it fitted him perfectly, albeit the sleeves going over his hands, when he wore it. Harry loved his friend in new clothes; it made him look shiny under the dim lights of the pub.

Zayn was next and he first gave Louis a wicked-looking hoodie which Louis kissed him flatly on the cheek for it. His second present was a box featuring a special brand of Yorkshire tea, and it looked really expensive that Louis almost refused if it wasn't for Zayn shrugging it off as no big deal.

Harry, on the other hand, was kind of disappointed. Aside from Niall's keychain, the presents from the boys seemed more like charity than actual presents then Harry instantly felt guilty because Louis' needs ought to come first and the boys knew that. After all, Louis' step-father barely provides for him and he knows that Louis' pride won't let him accept clothes or money on any given day so this was the best day to do it, on an occasion where presents were valid. Throughout the time Harry's known him, he figured it out, that it was obvious whom Louis prioritized in his household -which was not himself of course- so even buying for himself his own clothes was not a priority either. Harry remembers going out with Louis when the latter asked him for his help to buy Christmas presents for his sisters as well as the lads. That day proved time and again how much Louis cared least about himself. Louis bought amazing presents but throughout the day he struggled with fitting everything within his budget. Apparently, Mr. douche bag wasn't keen on presents just as much as he wasn't keen on providing enough food for his children so Louis had to do all the work. Harry wanted to pay at least half of Louis' expenses that day but knew the boy would refuse. In the end, Louis just went all out and decided to ''not give a rat's ass about his step-father so long as the girls are happy.''

Therefore, Harry was grateful for the boys for thinking of Louis' needs, grateful for their presents just as much as Louis genuinely was. They were truly good people and he wouldn't trade them for the world.

The girls also brought Louis presents, much to the birthday boy's surprise. Perrie got him a ''Led Zeppelin'' bracelet from a band merchandise store which Louis demanded the address for so that he could see it for himself. Danielle got him a scarf and a matching beanie that she knitted herself and it was perfect since they matched the blues of Louis' eyes. Eleanor gave him a watch, not expensive as a rolex but it was lovely; the handles were leather and the head was round. Louis snogged her properly and she blushed just right.

Harry then said he's going to keep his presents for last before sharing a knowing look with Louis. The others just shrugged, so used to their antics that this came as no surprise.

At 8 o'clock, it was time for Louis to leave. Eleanor let Louis drive them home and so Louis bid each of his boys a farewell. When it came to Harry, they hugged like they didn't want to let go. Harry whispered a few words in his ears and Louis kissed him on the temple. Harry was a bit worried that Eleanor would be uncomfortable by this but she wasn't. She was just looking fondly at them, same as the boys and Harry loved her for it.

''I'll be climbing up your room tonight, with presents. Don't forget to keep your window open, okay?'' Harry had whispered. He didn't want to leave this boy alone on his birthday for fear that something bad might ruin it and even if nothing happens, at least they get to spend some time together and if something does, at least he was there to comfort him through it. But Harry hoped to God that of all nights, he hoped that nothing bad would happen tonight.

 

Driving home now, with Zayn in the passenger seat, Harry thought of the days leading up to Louis' birthday. They were not easy…

Apparently, Mr. Frank's temper gets worse during the holidays, drunkenly calling out Louis' mother, calling her names and deeming her unfit for not being present in the household, for not even attending family gatherings during the holidays. Twice Louis called Harry in the middle of the night, frightened out of his mind because his step-dad downstairs would be so drunk –which wasn't unusual- but then he would start throwing things around, shouting and cursing in the dark and Louis had to keep his sisters in one room, hidden in his arms as he tried to cover them up and drown in all their fears. The first time it happened, Louis and the girls were decorating the Christmas tree and just like that, when Mr. Frank saw them, he was quiet at first, just observing but after dinner and a couple of beers, he just lost it, calling for his x-wife to be, demanding she return to her rightful place, and saying all kinds of ungodly things that after Louis calmed his sisters through it, he just had to call Harry to calm himself down.

The next day, the tree was in shambles and though it upsetted Louis and his sisters greatly, Louis turned the tables around and made it a joyous event to ''have the opportunity to re-decorate, yeah? That's not something all kids get to do, right?''

The second time it happened is when Daisy mentioned during dinner one night if mom were coming home for Christmas or if she would at least call. Louis did not blame her because she was a child and asking her dad -who did not scare her as much as he scared Louis- was not something out of the ordinary but Louis knew the night wouldn't end in silence.

When it was over and he was done playing the role of the brave responsible brother, that's when he'd called Harry again and transmitted all his fears to him. Louis could not be comforted until Harry suggested leaving his phone line on until he was in his room and that instantly brought Louis sheer relief knowing that Harry was just at the end of the line and also on his way. Only then, when Harry finally slid under the covers with him was he able to sleep, with Harry's breath a lullaby in his ears and his arms a shield of comfort.

After Harry brought Zayn home, Harry went to church with his mom, sister and step-dad. He prayed dearly for Louis that night, more so than he ever prayed for anyone and he hoped that the day Louis finally leaves that house would come soon enough. After that, he spent some quality time with his family on the couch, eating cookies and sharing stories. He was pretty much just killing time until he could sneak out of his room and drive to Louis' house. He'd been doing that a lot, even on days when Louis' house was quiet and at peace. Since it’s the holidays, Louis didn't have to work so late, finishing hours before midnight so that gave sufficient time for Harry to spend with him and not worry about sneaking out of the safety of his house at 3 am. It was only on Christmas eve that he had to work at his normal hours and then back to working early and Harry sat there, with his family, hoping that Louis is garnering loads of tips to make up for his Christmas splurges.

As time drew out, the hands on the clock finally hitting 3 am, Harry deemed it fit to leave. He'd been playing solitaire on his laptop to pass time and just as he was about to shut the device off, he got a call. This time, it wasn't just a quiet panicky whisper but Louis' voice was accompanied by something horrid and even before Louis spoke, Harry could hear it; the sound of banging on a wooden surface.

''Oh God, Harry, please, please…''

''Lou, calm down! What's going on?''

''Haz…'' Louis called out in a panic then his voice just became a mumble of incoherent words as it was drowned out by more banging. Harry could hear shouting on the other end of the line, a voice that wasn't Louis' and just like that, Louis whimpered.

''Shit.'' Harry was already on his feet. He didn't need to be told what was going on, can make an accurate guess. He couldn't take it anymore as he fell over himself, his fingers stumbling as he fit the key into his ignition. He's shouting at Gemma at the door saying he'll be right back, that he forgot his phone at the pub, or something, anything to let him leave. Gemma does let him, not believing his excuse because Harry's phone is right up his ear but promising to cover up for him anyway. Harry doesn't have time to say thank you, or apologize for his outright lie because this time, he could hear Louis' door being banged on from the other end of the line, the sound closer than he could dare dread. Apparently, after everything went silent and Louis tucked his sisters in, his step-father decided to demand answers from Louis.

''He waited for me to come home, shit, shit.'' Louis cursed and Harry heard shuffling mixed in with the violent distant sound and he hates not being there that instant.

''Louis, baby, I'm on my way, alright? I promise you, I'm in my car right now, just hang in there.'' Harry says as he put the phone on loud speakers and kept both hands steady on the wheel, his leg accelerating on the gas.

''The door's locked,'' Louis' voice trembled as he whispered to Harry, frightened out of his mind. ''But he keeps banging on the door. Apparently mom called him, Haz.''

''What?'' Harry is startled out of his mind.

''Yeah, and it pissed him off. Went out of my room to take a shower after I came back, when he noticed me home. God, I've never seen him move so fast. I locked the door, Haz just when he threw the phone at it or something. I'm sure something broke. Shit, Harry, I'm scared.''

''I know, I know you are. I'm on my way, baby. I love you.'' Harry continued comforting him until he parked under the big tree next to Eleanor's house. He immediately ran and climbed up Louis' window, the frightening sound and horrid words now more distinct, something about how dare that woman demand to speak to her children or how dare she still call them her children, and a lot more nasty stuff. Harry was shitlessly scared but he dove for the bed, looking for Louis but he didn't find Louis under the covers. For a split second, his heart plummeted to the ground but then following the sound of whimpering; Harry ducked his head under the bed and found him there, on the floor under the bed, holding one hand to his ear, his head pressed against the floor.

''Haz,'' Louis called out, his eyes sputtering with tears. Harry was now really scared but he crawled under the bed immediately, gripping Louis' hand and releasing his other from its death grip around his mid drift to wind both arms around his own waist, knows that Louis will need something to hang on to so it might as well be him. He embraces Louis to his chest and though the hard floor was so not comfortable, he firmly remains there with Louis and holds him tight.

''It's okay, I got you now. You'll be okay. I love you, precious. I love you so much.'' Harry whispered. He could feel Louis' heartbeat against his chest, could feel his body shuddering and completely undone, unable to speak coherently from too much fright and he's never seemed younger.

''Ttalk, ttttalk tto meee.'' He demands, his teeth clattering against each other. Harry responds quickly, ready to do anything to keep him safe.

''Okay, I'll tell you a story, yeah? You'll like this one, its about…'' and he goes on and on, telling one story after the story, and Louis holds on to the grumble of his voice rising up his chest, strains for the words coming out of his lips because Harry is holding his head so tight against his chest, covering his ears so that he could hear his gentle, loving voice over the voice of the vicious monster outside his bedroom door.

''Mmmmore, mmmore.'' Louis stutters when they hear things being thrown at the door. Harry doesn't ask him if he's doing alright by him because Louis is not alright and so Harry delves into more heart-warming stories and Louis really doesn't focus on the details, just focuses on the comfort in Harry's voice, the strong arms protecting him, keeping him safe under the bed. He focuses on the pair of lips kissing his head, the long soft fingers carding through his hair.

Harry is doing his utmost best, possessively holding Louis to him that he can feel him against his ribcage, but he can hear his ragged breathing, can feel his hands shaking around his waist.

Soon, the terrible drunken words and the banging dies down as footsteps stumble further away from the door. Harry heaves a sigh of relief unintentionally but immediately recovers and focuses on Louis, who is still too shaken up in his arms.

''Louis, Lou? It's over, baby. He's gone now.'' Harry says with kisses to his hair. Louis nods but he is unable to speak, his jaws too taunt, his whole frame too wound up. Harry gives him time, keeps up his ministrations of comfort, even though the floor is getting increasingly uncomfortable. But the way Louis was cuddling against Harry means so much more now that Harry knows how scared Louis has the right to be. Louis must really trust him, Harry thinks. Knowing that makes something shift inside him, turning him into something softer and stronger.

''Hey, why don't we hide under the covers, yeah? Wouldn't it be nice if you let me tuck you in? Huh? Would you like that, baby?'' Harry asks and Louis nods the way he does when he doesn't know what to do, just letting Harry be in charge. Harry pulls out from under the bed, hates the strangled yelp he hears when they're separated minutely before he holds Louis again and assures him of his presence. He carries him bridal style before putting him on the bed, taking off his shoes then Louis' slippers before slipping under the covers. Louis' arms immediately return to Harry's waist, his head back to his chest and Harry's arms the same; tight around Louis' shoulders, his chin firm on his head.

''Hey, you want more stories or do you want me to sing to you? Anything you want, it's yours, babe. Just say the word, yeah?'' Harry asks, wants Louis not to be so helpless.

''Sssing,'' Louis orders, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. So Harry sings and sings and sings and deep in his heart, he's aching because this is supposed to be Louis' birthday yet here he is, as frightened as a wounded animal. Harry hates it, hates that Louis is hurt like this, because that means Louis’s never as happy as Harry would like. Maybe Louis will never be happy enough for him, though. Harry wants him to be perfectly, vibrantly happy all the time. God, he doubts he even had cake from his family aside from the cake he had at the pub with them. Harry wishes he could blow more candles, make many more wishes other than the one wish he made surrounded by friends because Harry wants him to hope and have his hopes realized, and that's why he hates this, hates that of all nights, this one night just had to hit the fan.

When Harry's voice has turned rough, he stops singing, his mind aching with his angst thoughts. He can feel his soaked shirt against his skin and hates that Louis is trying not to make a sound.

''How are you, love? Still scared?''

Louis nods, and much to Harry's dismay, he sprouts a new set of tears but Louis doesn’t want Harry to see him cry, so he turns his face into Harry’s chest, half hidden because of his fringe. Harry hugs him tighter, putting his cheek against Louis’ hair and cradling him closer. He doesn’t try to stop him. He just waits it out but he hates this because it seems that Louis doesn’t feel safer from the way he’s clinging to him.

''Love, it's over. I'm here, now. I love you.'' Harry tries. He touches every part of Lou’s hair, lovingly and tenderly caressing the feathery strands with his long, warm fingers.

''I'm sssorry…jjjust givv…give me a moment. Bbbefore I called yyyou…Lottie…she spoke to me on the phone…from her room…he…aafter mmom called…he almost hhhurt tttthem….mmmy my girlss…he almost...hhurt them…tttonight, fffor spending, mmmoney…on bringing mmme ccake and I, I dddidn't ask for it, I ddddidn't want them to…jjjust mm…made eeverythin' wworse….bbbut they did and I…I...'' Louis stutters, words forced out like he can hardly breathe. Harry feels his heart plummet again but he tries his best to recover quickly and think of something quick to do because he can feel Louis' heartbeat as he holds him close, rapid and unsteady and he feels him falling apart.

''Shh, shhh, it's alright now. You kept them safe, I'm sure and now I'm keeping you safe. It's alright, I promise.''

''No…I didn't. I…I wwasn't here. I wasn't here, Haz.'' Louis says in anguish.

''Yes but am sure…''

''They didn't say anything when I passed by earlier, before I went to work.'' Louis' voice broke twice so he clears his voice to speak, trying to calm himself. ''We had Liam's butter cookies and some tea and he was calm. I thought he was going to be calm tonight. The girls, I knew they were hiding something, some sort of surprise but they didn't let me know, said they'll show me when I come back, stay up till 3 if they have to. I laughed it off.'' Louis sobbed. ''I laughed it off and didn't think they'd be hiding the cake under the dining table, right where he hides his whiskey. Oh God!''

''Louis, please.''

''He kept shouting at me for giving them the money.'' Louis continued like he had not heard him. ''For thinking too much of myself, for letting them do my ugly work, my ugly work! What…how…they're just young girls! What could he be thinking, running after them like a madman when he found the cake to reach for his whiskey after mom called? I mean…that's just barbaric!!!'' Louis almost shouted but it came out as a strangled cry. ''How dare he hunt them down that Lottie had to lock herself and the girls in her room? She told me she was too scared to call me. God, he was so drunk by the time I came back, much more angry than before. He could've hurt them. Oh God, he…''

''It's not your fault.'' Harry pleaded. But Louis kept sobbing, out of words because he's almost hyperventilating.

''Haz…'' Louis says breathlessly, helplessly and Harry fears for him.

''Louis, please. Just breathe, darling. Please.'' Harry begs.

''I can't,'' Louis hiccups, shaking his head and breathing roughly.

''Yes, of course you can, precious. Come on.''

Gently, he cups Louis' cheek, tilting his head up and kisses him. Only seconds after their lips connect, Louis breathes in deeply through his nose, a rough sound emitting from the back of his throat. Harry doesn't let him go for a minute, keeps his lips crushed against his friend's until he feels his tensed muscles relax. When he lets go, Louis sighs. His breathing stays normal after that, even after they separate. He puts his head back against Harry's shoulder, breathing.

“There, love. There, precious boy, you’re okay,” Harry murmurs. “I love you so much, darling. You’re going to be just fine, just breathe a little.”

“I am. Thank you, I am,” Lou says, his voice tired and frail.

“That wasn’t too hard. You’ll be okay. It’s alright, love. You'll be alright. Forget about tonight, its over, it's done. You can't change it so forget it. You'll be fine now.'' Harry assures him.

He hugs Louis through the night until Louis' fallen asleep, too tired to explain himself further and Harry doesn't mind, doesn't need to hear it. He just watches it happen; watches as Louis' eyes lag till they're closed and he's zoned out, relishes how much Louis trusts him to just fall asleep like that.

Looking at him, Harry wonders sadly how anyone can get mad at this boy, what with his exhausted, lavender circles under his eyes, paler than normal cheeks and almost frail-looking features. He’s always been thin, but looking at him, Harry can’t say he’s entirely sure Louis' eaten in the past couple weeks, too wound up around his step-dad's temper that seems to have taken a turn for the worse.

 

Harry thinks about what Louis said, about the events that happened tonight and he feels a ton of steel sitting on his chest, a heavy iron baggage finding a dwelling place amidst his ribcage. How much more torment will Louis' step-father cause? How much of his tyranny will he raise before it all ends? He knows it is not Louis' fault that his sisters wanted to make a surprise for him. He knows it's not their fault for hiding the cake near their dad's whiskey. It’s the fault of that vile thing called alcohol, the fault of anger, guilt, the fault of a monster who doesn't appreciate what he has, what loving children he has. Harry doesn't know what to do, is once again stubbed by his inability to change what happened. He wishes he had known what was going to happen in order to be able to stop it but the impossibility of it makes the weight in his chest heavier and he hopes he can take his own advice and forget about tonight too, think about tomorrow instead, of comforting Louis first and foremost. Instinctively he hugs Louis tighter, breathes him in and it helps him relax, somehow, despite all things.

An hour after Louis' fallen asleep, Harry feels something vibrating. He pats around until he feels Louis' hip, his phone vibrating there. Harry pulls it out of Louis' pocket and peers at the screen. He hesitates; wonders if he should pick up but then the something that's been gnawing at him since Louis started dating makes him want to answer the phone so he does.

''Uh, hey Eleanor.'' Harry whispers. He peers at Louis' face but the boy is dead asleep.

''Harry? Is that you?'' Eleanor asks.

''Yeah, am with Louis in his room. Having a sleep over.'' Harry half-lies.

''Oh,'' Eleanor pauses. ''Well, can I speak to him?''

''Well, he's asleep right now. You kind of woke us up.'' Harry blushes furiously at that, hopes she doesn't think he's insinuating something. A lot of people seemed to think that he and Louis are more than just friends and he doesn't want to feed those rumors with his stupidity or choice of words.

''Oh, I'm so sorry.'' Harry can hear the guilt in her voice. ''It's no wonder you're whispering.'' She mutters and Harry is sure she wasn't aware of that slip out when she stutters a second later. ''I mean, of course you're whispering, it's past midnight but I, you see I just, well, I wanted to make sure he came back home safe. He said he needed to work?''

''Yup, he's safe.'' Harry clips, suddenly remembering the events that led him to where he is.

''Oh, alright.'' Eleanor pauses. "Well, can you let him know I called?''

''Sure,'' Harry nods. There's an awkward silence. Harry is pretty sure Eleanor has more to say and that she's probably contemplating whether to just let Harry deliver it or not but in that tiny moment, it just grips Harry, the thought that's been bugging him about their relationship.

''Hey El?'' he starts.

''Yeah, Harry?'' she replies, glad to fill the awkward silence.

''You love him, don't you?'' Harry asks like he's not sure. There's a pause, a swift intake of breathe.

''He's not awake and making you do this, is he? I know how low on confidence he can get.'' Eleanor dodges but her voice shook a bit.

''No, it's me asking. I want to know.'' And it's not his right, he knows that but Louis is just as much his as he is hers now and he deems it his right to watch out for his friend's well-being.

''Harry, you're kind of embarrassing me here.'' Eleanor says honestly.

''I know but,'' Harry sighs, hates that he's being kind of pig-headed. ''Louis, he's really sweet on you, El. You have no idea and I don't want you to…''

''Break his heart? You calling me a heart breaker?'' Eleanor interrupts. She sounds more hurt than amused.

''Well, you're really fit and no, I'm not trying to say anything here, Louis is yours and all.'' Harry adds quickly, getting more awkward by the second. ''But you, well, he really likes you and I don't want you to be leading him on.''

''What could possibly make you say that? You don't even know me that much.''

''But Louis does, and I'm not saying he loves you blindly but I don't want you to be taking advantage of him.'' There's a pause and Harry thinks maybe he's said something wrong but then his mind zooms in on the word 'loves' followed by 'stupid, stupid, stupid Harry'. He's instantly cursing himself because he didn’t want to do this, put Louis' feelings on the line. His purpose of this was to keep Louis' feelings safe.

''You really love him, don't you?'' Eleanor asks quietly.

''Yeah, you know I do.'' Harry sighs, peering at Louis' sleeping face and pecking him on his sharp cheekbone.

''Hmm.'' She hums. Suddenly, it's easy to get this out, whatever it is that's making his chest ache.

''Eleanor listen, are you there?'' Harry asks.

''Yeah, I'm here, Harry.''

''Look, you yourself said it. I love him, more than you can possibly imagine. He's everything to me and I know I sound obsessed saying this but sometimes I just wake up thinking of being by his side forever or when we're in school, I can't help but wish I could follow him everywhere because he's become the one thing I’m sure of anymore, the one person who's always for real with me that other people don't matter sometimes and like, I lose my head worrying over him, you know and God El, I worry about him all the time.'' The words suddenly make him exhausted but he continues, needs her to understand.

''I worry so much that my instincts right now is to hold him with everything I’ve got and never let any single other person near him or so much as speak to him until he's completely happy again, and that’s not right because there are other people that love him, other people than genuinely care, people like you and its not right to take him away from all that, right?''

''Right.'' Eleanor replies quietly.

''So, what I'm trying to say is, as much as I know for sure that its not true, at least right now and that it's just my mind being stubborn, I'm just saying that I don't want you to break his heart or so much as say an unkind word to him, even in jest and I know, I know I sound mean even suggesting you could do that but like, please?'' Harry chuckles, knows that later on, he's going to be hating himself for judging her like this.

''Just, please be nice to him, like all the time, if you can. He's strong, I know he is and he loves being strong for you, knows how to play that part so well. I've seen it.''

''That sounds about right.'' Harry can hear the smile in her voice.

''Yeah but like, he's really a big softie on the inside and I don't want the people he loves to hurt him, its bad enough I don't accept it from the people that don't.''

''Well,'' Eleanor sighs after a while. ''I guess I understand where you're coming from. After all, you know him better than I do.''

''And I'd like for you to have that chance too, just like, don't push him, El. That's another thing I wanted to say. I don't want you to hurt him while getting to know him. He's…''

''He's got it tough at home, I know.'' Eleanor interrupts softly. ''I hear his step-father sometimes. Big on discipline, is he?''

Harry's blood runs cold; he hopes for Louis' sake that she doesn't know what she's talking about, doesn't know the extent of what Mr. douchebag's alcoholic problems lead to, but at the same time, dreads that she does know yet is not doing anything about it.

''Yeah, has Louis said anything about that?''

''No, he doesn't have to. But Louis' alright, isn't he? I mean, am sure he doesn't let a couple of senseless meaningless words get to him, right?''

And Harry is half-relieved, half disappointed. Relieved because she doesn't know the extent of the abuse, but disappointed that she hasn't figured it out either. Maybe it was for the best.

''But like, even if they do get to him, I can comfort him, Harry. I assure you.'' Eleanor promises. ''I, well, I don't love him blindly either, you know. I want him to let me in but I won't push if that's what you're asking.''

And God, Harry can fall in love with her with what she just said because that's exactly what he'd wanted to hear and it sounds genuine, like a proper truthful confession and not just words to please.

''Yes, Eleanor, that's, God, that's exactly what I want.'' Harry chuckles wetly, tucking Louis under his chin more comfortably. ''You're amazing, you know that?''

''Aww, stop it.'' She laughs.

''No, you are. And like, I hope you're not bothered by what I'm saying, I'm just trying to look out for him and in no way do I mean to say anything bad to you, about you or anything.'' Harry's stutters, back to being awkward.

''It's alright. It's nice to have a friend like that, ready to stick up for those he loves. It means you're a good person, Harry and I can't deny you that. I understand.''

''Okay, that's, well, that's good.'' Harry is relieved.

''Well, I won't be a bother. Am sure you need to sleep.''

''I think we both do, it's kind of late.'' Harry points out.

''Yeah, it is.'' She agrees. ''So um, when he wakes up, can you tell him that I called and that, I um,'' Eleanor pauses and Harry can pretty much imagine her blushing. He didn't know she and Louis reached that part in their relationship but it's obvious that they've liked each other for so long that this was bound to happen. Besides, Louis is not that hard to love and he's living proof of that and he hates Louis' stepfather all the more for not appreciating what he's got.

''I'll tell him, no worries.'' He promises as he pushes his thoughts.

''Thanks, Harry.''

''Goodnight then.''

''Goodnight.''

Before Harry sneaks out the next morning, he goes to his car, picks up Louis' birthday present and returns to the room where he tucks it under the blankets with Louis. He wanted to see Louis' expression when he opens it but thought the surprise would be better. He had bought Louis an iPod and he hopes it's to Louis' liking. He kisses the boy on his forehead, sealed with the promise of a better day.


	19. Don't forget where you belong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all i've edited so far so it might take a while to post the rest (relax, i'll post more tomorrow) but anyways, just thought i'd let you know.

Harry arrives home and sneaks into his bedroom only to find Gemma waiting for him. They share a look and Harry knows that this was long time coming. The look in her eyes is an all consuming readiness of accepting anything and everything he has to say…so, he talks.

He talks and talks and tells her everything that he cannot tell his mom and it feels like betrayal, divulging Louis' secrets like this but God, Harry can't take it anymore, because it feels like he's being abused too and yes, he knows the hurt he feels pales by comparison to that of Louis' but he's reached that point that when the boy hurts, so does he and now its Christmas morning and Harry is not with him and he can only hope that Louis is not getting hurt.

He is about to express this to Gemma when his phone buzzes and he is so quick to answering that Gemma is startled, not sure what her brother had been saying was real until she saw Harry's frazzled reaction. The text puts Harry's heart at ease once he reads it, that he has to read it again and again until his shoulders sagged from the sheer relief of it;

 

_''Woke up to the best b-day present eva!!!!!!!! Ur wonderful, Haz and I don't deserve this, I don't and am glad I can make u relax by telling u that so far, this morning is going perfect. Say hi to ur gran for me. Will be missing u these comin days bbe. Merry x'mas xoxo and yeah, thanx 4 last nite. Love uuuuuuuuuu''_

 

''He's alright.'' Harry says with tears in his voice, overwhelmed by such a simple text. Gemma hugs him then, assures him that everything will be alright, that if he needs help with Louis, he can always ask her. There's so much to say but its Christmas morning and they do have to prepare to go to visit their gran across town.

It’s a happy morning for Harry after that, especially after Louis' text. He knows his friend is planning on bringing his sisters to the park to celebrate the festivities so he doesn't worry, is glad that Louis will be out of the house despite his reassuring text.

Harry and his family spend the day in joyous spirits and though things slow down in the afternoon when the grown-ups talk, Gemma chooses that time to speak with Harry about Louis more. Harry doesn't mind, he'll always want to speak about Louis. He's needed to get this off his chest anyway, this helplessness and desperation about Louis continuing to get hurt. But Gemma is the best, knows what to say and knows how to be realistic without sounding too harsh. Harry tells her all of Louis' reasons, turning down her ideas about calling the cops when he recites to her Louis' concerns.

In the end, though they don't come up with a solution, Harry is still grateful to have her back for when he'll have to sneak out again and that in itself is all he can ask from her.

 

Christmas passes and New Year stumbles upon them. Niall is back in town and they actually go meet him at the airport, champagne and party caps and all, like they're welcoming back a long gone war hero.

It’s the first time the lads have seen each other since Niall's good-bye party though, so they're all animated, easily passing the time as they wait in the cold. They were too busy enjoying some time around their family that they're quite loud outside the airport gates with their banter and laughter.

As the clock ticked by, Louis then unrolled a banner he had made to welcome Niall with. The boys thought he was kidding until they saw it for real, that Louis actually made a hilarious gigantic poster with the words, _''looking for blonde leprechaun by the name of Neil Horrrraaaaan''_ and yes, the name spelled incorrectly on purpose and Horan written with 5 e's because, well, because nothing, because Louis has a whacky sense of humor and because they know Niall will laugh his heart out when he sees it.

In that not too short, not too long span of time, Harry couldn't help but stare at Louis sometimes when he speaks or laugh when he laughs or simply just be overly happy around everything that Louis does. He doesn't even admonish Louis for his crappy handwriting or whack him in the head like Liam did when he noticed the little penis that Louis drew instead of the ''i'' in Neil.

Texts and phone calls haven't stopped between Harry and Louis during the holidays and there was no need for Harry to climb up Louis' window during the short time apart but still, Harry couldn't help but wonder if there are new bruises underneath his shirt or a swollen bump here or there where he can't see. According to Louis, he's been doing everything right, been obedient and all that and Harry wants to tell him that he hasn't been doing anything wrong to begin with but he doesn't say it because it always makes Louis sad when he does.

 

Niall comes out and Liam runs to him with a fierce hug, always unabashedly fawning over the baby-faced lad. Niall sees the poster behind his arms tucked around Liam's neck and he guffaws with laughter before the other boys pile up on him and huddle into a group hug. It’s a joyous occasion, being reunited and Niall's ecstatic and eager for a catch-up. They hit the pub immediately and spend the night divulging into one story after another. Niall gets a tad tipsy which is nothing for someone who's used to drinking 4 pints in a row for a starter and still remain very much sober. He still has his luggage with him, so he pulls out his guitar and starts singing –not on stage, but right there in his seat surrounded by them. The boys don't mind and Harry is told that this is not the first time either. Niall actually has a wonderful voice; even when drunk, he's till in tune.

The girls join them later, with Perrie plumping herself on Zayn's lap, Danielle greeting Liam with a peck to the forehead before he snaked his arm around her waist and Eleanor with a kiss to Louis' cheek before his lips reached for hers. Then, they drive off to the nightclub where Louis works for a night of dancing. Louis is off duty and he buys them all drinks before pulling Eleanor with him to the dance floor. Liam and Zayn follow with their dates, swaying to the thumping music, leaving Harry and Niall to pick up girls. However, they sit at the bar and catch up for a bit while eyeing their options regardless of the fact that they're trying not to shout over the music.

''You sure you want to pick up a bird?'' Harry asks. ''Coz I was half thinking that Barb would show up or something.''

''Nah,'' Niall says as he downs a beer. ''We're still taking it slow.''

''And Amy?''

''I don’t know, man.'' Niall sighs. ''She's a good friend so maybe that's why I think Barb and I should take a backseat.''

''You really like her?'' Harry asks as he sips his beer.

''Barbara?'' Harry nods. ''Well, yeah of course I do.''

''Even though she's quite hefty?''

Niall looks at him, confused.

''Meaning?''

''You know, like you have to spend proper money on her to take her out on dates and stuff.''

''Oh. Oh,'' Niall was confused at first then realization hit when he remembered that Harry was there when he was shoving money into Louis' locker. How the days have passed, he wonders and by days, he doesn't just mean those when he had to lie to Harry and keep Louis' secrets safe from him.

He sighs deeply before he finishes his 6th beer, wanting more because he is still too sober for this conversation. Niall looks at him and looks kind of embarrassed.

''That money wasn't for Barbara.'' He starts, not knowing where he's getting the trust to show this part of himself to Harry. ''In fact, I don't even know why I used her as an excuse.''

''Okay.'' Harry says slowly. He doesn't know how much of the boys' lies to him earlier in the days were for Louis and how much were for their sakes. He's stopped asking a long time ago but Niall is now sitting next to him, looking quite…ashamed and that is not something he had ever associated with him.

''I…you don't understand, Harry how gutted I am about this.'' Niall runs a hand up his face before he signals the bartender for another beer.

''Is this about Louis?'' Harry has to ask because stories of Louis being hurt in the past never sit well with him and he'd rather wait on the boy himself to tell him than hear it from someone else unexpectedly and maybe that's selfish, maybe he prefers it that way because Louis always lightens it up, brushes his stories like its no big deal and shrugging it off like a broken rib is just a walk in the park. The boys always give him vivid accounts and it always makes his stomach churn and right now with Niall is no different so he has to make sure, or at least get drunk for it.

''No, not about Louis'…well, kind of or, I don't know.'' Niall sighs exasperatedly, like he wishes Harry just knew or something. Then, he just ups and stands, pushing away from the bar, obviously frustrated with himself. Harry is shocked; he's never deemed Niall as an angst type of person and it takes him a full minute before he follows the boy out of the club.

The music is still thumping but not so much as cold air flares up his nostrils and fills his ears and every crevice of his clothes. He tugs up the collar of his coat before he follows the bob of blonde hair down a corner.

Funny enough, Niall is still holding his beer and he's chugging it down, having taken a seat on the pavement at the end of the wide alleyway, his back to the club's back door. Harry walks down the path and sits next to Niall apprehensively. He's quite certain he must've said something extremely wrong to get this reaction out of Niall and he wants to apologize immediately.

''I used to gamble.'' Niall beats him to it, just a few seconds after his long swig. His fingers are swirling the bottle between his hands and he's looking at anywhere but Harry. Harry, on the other hand, suddenly lost all the words he wanted to say.

''Or, not gamble but I used to like, take bets or do bets, betting whatever you call it.'' Niall snaps at himself, frustrated again.

''Okay.'' Harry drawls out slowly, not sure how he's supposed to react.

''I thought it was no big deal.'' Niall sniffs, the words coming out of his mouth in a swirl of cold smoke from the freezing night but Harry sits tight, thinks he needs to be a proper friend right now.

''I did it with my old friends a lot, just for kicks, you know, especially since I was still new in town and the kids in my neighborhood did it a lot and I love football matches so what did it matter if we took down bets and stuff, you know?''

Harry did not know but he didn't mention it.

''It started out okay, like I didn't think about the money, it was petty betting and it didn't, it was no big deal.'' Niall seemed really adamant on pointing that out but Harry could see the guilt in his eyes, how much he hates himself for being so wrong.

''But then they started to raise the stakes, met up with a few adults who took down group bets and usually the winner's cut is like enormous.'' Niall looks up at Harry here, wide eyes almost pleading with Harry to understand. ''I'm talking about hundreds of pounds here, like proper money to buy a car and save up for uni and stuff.''

Harry just looked back sadly and didn't say anything because it seemed like Niall just needed to get this off his chest and he just so happened to be there.

''This was all a year ago. I was sixteen and I was loaded, Harry.'' Niall laughed, almost at himself as he shook his head. ''I was loaded and I could no longer think straight, thought I was the king of football scoring predictions and I was raking it.''

Then, the sudden glimmer in his eyes disappeared and was instead replaced with loathing. Niall took another swig of his beer till he ran out, much to his dismay.

''There was a big game up, Man United against Liverpool and I was so confident, so sure I'd win that I bet everything I had, all my winnings. I wanted to splash out big time, buy a car, expensive shit and then I thought about Louis and thought I'd throw him a welcoming home party after his dad sent him to the hospital.'' Niall gritted his teeth, the blue in his eyes almost transparent in the glow of the club's neon lamps. ''Fucking shithead threw him down a flight of stairs.''

''Yeah, Zayn and Liam told me.'' Harry said, not wanting to dwell on the matter. Niall just nodded, his eyes on the concrete ground again.

''It was a bad week for him, and I guess I wanted to make it up to him, especially since he'd been paying for me when I lost some of my bets earlier in the days.''

Harry felt something close to whip-lash. Did he just hear that right?

''It wasn't often that I lost a bet and back then, I was raking it so I always paid him back. I consoled myself that way and it eased my guilt of having to borrow from him.'' Then Niall chuckled dryly before he pinched the bridge of his nose, his face masked in something akin to self-hate.

''Do you know how fucked up you had to be to borrow money from Louis?''

Harry didn't answer, not sure if he wanted to punch Niall in the face or just up and leave because his fists are clenched and he's suddenly starting to hate the boy sitting next to him.

''I knew about his problems, I knew about his step-dad and yet that didn't steer me to borrowing from Liam or Zayn and like fuck, that's all I thought about; not about stopping what I was doing but about whether or not I should borrow from Louis or not.''

''Why did you?'' Harry asked, trying to sound calm but his voice came off stiff. ''Why Louis and not the other two?''

''Because they were well-off.'' Niall said, his eyes dim, too ashamed to look at Harry. ''Because I didn't want them to pity me. They didn't know about the bets and that was worse, that if I asked them for money without giving a reason, they'd still give it but Louis, Lou's like me, like, he's not well-off but I knew about his job so I didn't feel too guilty about it.''

Niall chuckled again, shaking his head in amazement.

''God, I sound like a fucking prick.''

''That sounds about right.'' Harry agreed, no hint of amusement in his voice.

''Yeah.'' Niall said and Harry is thinking that maybe the alcohol in his system is starting to react because Niall didn't seem too hurt by Harry's emotionless words. Harry never thought Niall could be so cold and uncaring like he is now about the sins of his past and that's why Harry is trying to look at it that way because maybe that's the reason why Niall is not all bombs of guilt exploding all around, that all this happened so long ago and is no longer happening so there was no need for him to be angry. But then…

''Niall, are you still betting?'' Harry asked blatantly and he hopes to God Niall gives him a proper answer or else his fists are going to…

''No, I'm just paying him back now.'' Niall said casually as he went to drink but then realized his beer bottle is empty. He let out a frustrated sigh at that.

''I lost that bet big time because I bet more than I had and when I said I couldn't pay them back, that I had nothing because I bet everything, they beat me up pretty bad, broke my wrist and stuff.''

''God, Niall!''

''It's true.''

''Jesus Christ.'' Harry muttered; he didn't think this could get any worse but then it did.

''I called Louis to pick me up from some dingy place. He had to steal his step-dad's car for it and when he saw what they did, he promised to fix things. I knew he couldn't do it, that he didn't have the money but maybe because I was a crying, whimpering mess, he just couldn't resist helping, as always.'' Niall added briskly, like he hated that fond quality of Louis and Harry could see it was because of how much guilt it was causing him, to have Louis still support him after he pretty much fucked him over.

''That bastard.'' Niall muttered, and Harry wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying with the way he was shaking his head, the way Niall's eyes were hard and how his lips were twisted in between a smirk and a grimace. ''Who the hell did he think he was pissing off all his hard-earned money for my stupid fucking mistakes?'' he yelled out the last three words then threw the beer bottle across the street so hard, it shattered to pieces.

''I hated him, I hated him so much after that, even after he brought me to Liam's and told him I was bullied instead of the truth so that he could fucking fuss over me like I'm his fucking f…'' Niall couldn't bring himself to say it and it was here that silent tears started rolling down his eyes before he held his head, tucked between his arms, like he couldn't believe himself. The neon lights scattered across his face in a haze that he looked glowing, his pale white cheeks almost shining and Harry could see how this was eating at him, pulling him apart. Somehow, that eased the anger roiling in his stomach.

''You're his friend.'' Harry sighed, and somehow he can understand Niall's guilt because Louis does that to people, treats them too good, you feel like you're giving him crap in return. ''How could he not have helped you?''

''He could've told my parents!'' Niall turned towards him, finally looking at Harry properly. ''He could've told Liam and Zayn, could have chosen to keep that money he needed so much but instead he chose me, Harry. That fucker chose me!'' Niall hit his chest in disdain, like he couldn't believe his worth. ''Who does that, huh? Like, what gives? Who fucking cares that much, huh?''

''He does,'' Harry said helplessly because it was true, Louis did care too much, it makes Harry's sleepless nights worrying about him so worth it.

Niall seemed to have lost his steam here, just shook his head as he stared afar. There were anger lines still clear on his face, but his fight was puffed out of him.

''Ever since then, I've been paying him back, the whole lot of it, adding food to the whole thing because I didn't really know how bad things were with his step-father until that fucking shithead threw him down them stairs. Or like, I knew but brushed it off, I don't know. God, my head wasn't in the right place back then, you know?'' Niall closed his eyes, as if the admission was too much. He palmed his forehead, his fingers grabbing a fitful of his hair and lingered there, his legs folded underneath him.

''Do you know how horrible it felt, to not be able to be there for him when that happened? After everything he did for me, I couldn't even pay for his hospital treatments because I was fucking scared to insist and have Liam ask why then have him find out the truth. I hated myself so much.'' A tear leaked down his eye from where Harry could see and it was easy to accept then, that Niall was repentant, ever so and Harry shouldn't feel like punching him when Niall was already punishing himself enough.

He reached out and hugged Niall then, because it was easier, for Harry at least, to comfort someone who's in pain than to let them continue feeling it, even when they've played the main role in their own downfall. But God knows that no one's perfect and Harry knows he is not perfect so he ought not to expect Niall to be either.

''Why are you hugging me?'' Niall asked timidly, even though he made no show of pulling away.

''Because it's New year's eve.'' Harry replied before he pulled back and looked softly at Niall. ''Because you came back from Ireland to spend it with him and the lads. Because you give him food when he's down and your birthday present to him was just the coolest and if that wasn't loyalty and proof of what a good friend you are, I don’t know what.''

Niall just sat there and stared before he chuckled wetly and wiped at his eyes.

''Liam and Zayn don't even know.'' He said sadly. ''It makes me wonder why on earth I'm telling you.''

''Well, your secret's safe with me if that's what you're asking.''

Niall looked at him gently.

''I'm sorry I lied to you back then, when you saw the money.'' Niall said, like he's suddenly repentant about his faults towards Harry as well. ''And all those other times when Louis was hurt and I chose not to tell you.''

Harry appreciated it a lot, knew Niall was guilty about it too.

''Well, I'm glad you're telling me now.'' Harry said gently. Niall chuckled, not expecting this light turn of events. His eyes looked away and landed on the broken beer bottle.

''Well, enough of this male bonding.'' He said as he stood up. Harry chuckled but followed suit.

''Let's dance, get smashed and get wasted.'' Niall announced.

''I think the last two are the same thing.'' Harry pointed out.

''Twat!'' Niall said as he pushed Harry playfully. ''Are you in or not?''

''Well, it's the New Year so why not?'' Harry made a show to ponder his options before sighing out his answer dramatically.

''Great. C'mon lad.'' Niall said as he pulled Harry by the forearm, his spirits somehow invigorated. ''Hope we catch Danielle snog the hell out of Liam's face when the bell chimes. The guy can't kiss for shit.''

And Harry laughed along with Niall because somehow, watching Danielle snogging Liam and he and Niall dancing was never something he thought he'd look forward to yet he did because somehow, it entailed good memories of good times spent with great friends Harry never dreamed he'd call his own and despite the late night and Niall's confessions, the thought of going back to Louis and the lads just tugged at his heart, like he was going back to where he belonged.

 

 


	20. Dancing on tiptoes

Harry and Niall dance and dance until their legs get too tired to carry them. At one point, Harry even pulled Louis to him, pulling him away from Eleanor and danced with him before giving him back while Eleanor danced with Niall. It was so good, putting his hands on Louis' waist and not see him flinch or wince. It felt good to see Louis so happy, you'd think he had no worries and he loved the whole no boundary between them and how Eleanor is really cool about it.

As the clock approaches midnight, they all head to the bar for beers. They count down along with the crowd and its quite a picturesque moment; with Zayn staring lovingly at Perrie, their lips inches away, whispering the numbers to each other, Liam and Danielle in their bubble as well and though its definitely not the first time they kiss, Liam still looks nervous but Danielle anchors him and keeps him close. Niall watches Liam from behind Danielle, and Harry saw that swift glimpse Liam and Niall exchanged, how a second before Liam caught his friend's eyes, his eyes were filled with nerves and how a second later, when Niall nodded to him with an encouraging smile, Liam's face calmed and relaxed before returning his full attention to his bird. Harry can almost touch it, like their friendship is something tangible, how with simple looks they can communicate a thousand words. It makes him turn to Louis then, to see if the boy is just as nervous and in need of support.

But Harry had nothing to worry about because Louis is all confident, standing between Eleanor's legs as she sits with her hands on his shoulders, steadying herself yet laughing as he told her last minute jokes then kissed the laugh out of her lips when it was time. She responded a second later and Harry shouldn't have worried because till now he still did, worried about this girl hurting his friend who was head over heals over her.

Then, maybe because he was drunk or that maybe he finally reached his peak of drunkenness, the two cheeky bastards –he and Niall that is- decided to pull the all time prank. Yup, they looked sneakily at each other before reaching out and lip-lockeing their lips.

Liam's gasp was actually audible, Zayn dropped his beer and Louis actually laughed like a hyena, asking for a camera to picture the epitome of drunken moments.

Niall and Harry kept the act even after the count down was over, going all the way to tongue touching that Liam pulled Niall away out of shock and as Niall giggled and laughed at Liam for falling for the biggest prank ever, Harry just sat there and wiggled his eyebrows at a panicky looking Liam, wiping his lips then wetting them with his tongue as he asked Niall for round two.

Liam was going to explode and that was when Niall and Harry dropped the act and high-fived.

''You should've seen your face, you turned into a proper ghost, lad!!!'' Niall guffawed as he and Harry laughed at their disgruntled friend. Zayn just shook his head with a small smile gracing his lips and Louis, well, Louis was always up for a prank so he high-fived Harry and complemented Harry's kissing skills, saying that Niall should definitely turn gay because he's obviously missing out. Liam, ever the most prude and modest out of them, almost whacked Louis for such a silly advice, before Danielle pulled her beau in for another kiss, saying he needs a distraction. The boys snickered and wolf-whistled as they watched Danielle kiss Liam in a steamy-hot lip-lock and it was adorable the way Liam blushed after that, saying they better go home or else someone might steal Dani away. One can say, Liam didn't hear the end of it for the rest of the night.

On their way to the car park, Louis asked if Harry wanted to come over. The boys all looked at him because Louis doesn't do that, doesn't invite people over unless it's an invite to climb up his room which could only mean that something is wrong. Harry nodded quickly and agreed casually because the girls were staring and his whole demeanor almost changed if it wasn't for Louis pulling him by the shoulders and asking him to relax. Harry melted instantly, understood that this was just going to be one of their late-night talks.

But the boys didn't know and suddenly they were all tense. Therefore, in the backseat of Eleanor's car, -with Louis driving and Eleanor riding shot-gun- Harry texted the boys and told them not to worry, that they were just having a late night talk. They all sent relieved texts and Harry can only imagine how worried they were to be picking up their phones while driving. He assures them twice before tucking his phone away.

Once Louis walked Eleanor to her door and bid her goodnight, he walked Harry to the back of his house, saying he'll have to go by the front door to open the window for him.

''Won't he be mad at you, for coming home late?'' Harry had to ask, protective all at once and damn proud of it.

''It's the New Year, Haz. He's most definitely not home because he's certainly out there somewhere having the best drinking of his life.'' Louis said sarcastically.

Harry then figures out why he's here then, why Louis asked him over, so he kisses Louis on the cheek before pushing Louis to get his bum inside the house. He climbs up the tree till he reaches the window ledge and there Louis is, opening the window for him. Harry slides in and makes himself comfortable while Louis changes his clothes then goes to check on his sisters.

Harry had finally gotten the chance to check out Louis' room properly and he's used to it by now, used to the cabinet that doesn’t close because of the sketchy hinges, used to seeing Louis' few clothes and tattered shoes, used to his small study table and his school books underneath because they can't all fit on top, used to the laptop Liam bought Louis for his birthday a couple of years ago, used to the football placed next to the dresser, knowing that in one of the drawers, there are pictures of Louis' mom, childhood photos of Louis and his sisters, pictures of Louis and the boys then new Polaroid photos after he joined the picture and one new photo of Louis and Eleanor taken in a photo booth from when they went to the funfair on their second date.

There is no Xbox in Louis' room, no flat screen Television and Louis says he's cool with it, gives him a reason to spend time with Liam and Niall and kick their asses in FIFA at Niall's place or watch the inbetweeners with them at Liam's place because movie marathons with the boys is always fun. But there aren't even posters of his favorite bands, no little knick knacks of anything he likes because they're all hidden in drawers, away from his step-father's judgmental eyes who thinks that these little splurges are going to take down the house, even though they're not coming out of his pocket.

Harry is not yet used to seeing the iPod he bought for Louis, sitting between the lad's laptop and his new phone, which Louis had to buy because his dad broke his old one. Harry briefly remembers wanting to buy Louis a new phone instead of the iPod, considering that Louis' phone is so old-fashioned until he saw Louis pull out an all new updated touch-screen phone which Louis feels embarrassed about because it was a little expensive and Harry knows, just knows he would've gone for a cheap, low tech phone if it wasn't for the reason that stumbled out of Louis' mouth when he said, ''but the girls love the games on it and they don't get to play so much because there's four of them and there's only one laptop so now they can use the phone too. Isn't that great, Haz?'' and Harry wonders when can he stop getting overwhelmed at the humility that is Louis Tomlinson, ever loving and caring brother.

''So, the girls are asleep.'' Louis says as he pads back into the room. He's not drunk and in the quiet, Harry had sobered up a bit. Louis brings him a glass of water like he knows what Harry needs.

''Well, that's good. And thanks.'' Harry gulps it down and thanks Louis again. He had made himself comfortable under the sheets, clad in nothing but his boxer shorts and pulls at the blankets to give place for Louis. Louis slides in, bringing his iPod with him, along with the headphones.

''So, Zayn got me a collection of new songs.'' Louis says as he offers Harry one of the ear buds. ''You wanna hear them?''

''Sure,'' Harry says as he plugs it into his ear. Louis scrolls down his list of music- half of which Harry bought and adamantly refused when Louis wanted to pay for them. But Harry said it's a Christmas gift so Louis sighed and dropped it. The music starts playing on medium volume.

''Is that Coldplay?'' Harry asks, recognizing Chris Martin's unique vocals.

''Yup, from the new album.'' Louis replies. They sit like that and listen to one song after another, Harry pointing out what he likes, Louis the same. Then they listen to Burno Mars' Unorthodox Jukebox and John Mayer's new album as well before Louis tenses and turns off the music. Harry is about to ask what's wrong when he hears footsteps. Its way past midnight now and in the dark of night, the man who calls himself Louis' step father is loud, his heavy footsteps resonating in the quiet house. Louis is literally holding his breath and Harry squeezes his hand as he stares at the door.

''Is the door locked?'' Harry whispers. Louis' eyes widen in panic as he shakes his head. The footsteps are getting closer and Louis pulls the ear buds out of both their ears and pushes the iPod away, no longer calm. Harry goes to lock the door on quick lithe footsteps before he pads quickly back to a frightened Louis on the bed. Louis scrambles for him and he holds Louis close to his chest, covers his mouth with his hand so that his shaky breaths wouldn't be heard. He keeps his own lips on Louis' hair, flexes his jaws and tries not to jump out of his skin when the door knob jiggles.

Louis is holding him around the waist so tight, Harry feels choked but he holds on just as tight, Louis' breaths turning ragged in his palm but he keeps steady and muffles out his sounds. The door knob jiggles again, more urgent this time before finally, the monster behind walks away, perhaps figuring out in his drunken haze that if the door is locked, that means his son is already in bed.

The boys wait till another door closes and opens, signaling that the monster is finally out of ear shot before they simultaneously relax.

''You okay?'' Harry asks as he pulls Louis chin up and kisses the tip of his nose.

''Yeah,'' Louis replies, a little less shaken. He takes the duvet and wipes the moisture on Harry's palm that was placed across his mouth. ''Used to it by now.''

Harry doesn't know what to say, hates that Louis has to get used to anything so cold and frightening. Louis reaches back for the iPod and the ear buds, pulling out of Harry's embrace when Harry gets an idea.

''Hey, Lou?'' he says as he watches the boy scroll through Harry's playlist this time not Zayn's.

''Hmm?'' Louis hums. Harry clutches at his chest, at the cross hidden underneath his shirt before he pulls it out. He doesn't say anything as he slips the long chain around Louis' neck. The boy is startled when the metal abruptly washes over his vision before it lands on his chest. When he looks down, he picks up the crucifix and stares at it for a second before he looks up at Harry, all confused.

''It keeps me safe.'' Harry shrugs.

''So you want me to have it?'' Louis asks and Harry nods. ''That doesn't make sense.''

''Well I want you to have it.'' Harry says stubbornly.

''Why? It's your favorite.'' Louis says, turning to him fully, his legs crossed, iPod in his lap, hand still clutching the cross. ''You always wear it, Harry, you're never without it.''

''And now it's with you and I can finally sleep better at night.'' Harry says, blushing furiously though keeping eye contact.

''You can't sleep?'' Louis asks with a frown and Harry realizes this is the first time he admits to this.

''Is it because of me?''

''Well, yeah.'' Harry mutters, always unable to lie. He's also unable to look Louis in the eye as he admits this. ''I worry about you all the time, you know?''

''That's my fault.'' Louis shakes his head. ''God, I shouldn't have told you to come.''

''Hey, don't leave.'' Harry catches his wrist as Louis turns his back to him. Louis doesn't move away when Harry is gripping him close, so he just makes it to the edge of the bed, his feet touching the floor. Harry follows but instead of sitting next to him, he sits behind Louis, his legs on either side of Louis' thighs. He winds his arms around the smaller boy's middle and rests his cheek on the back of Louis' head.

''I hate depending on you, I hate it.'' Louis says with steam, inwardly hating himself.

''Shh,'' Harry whispers, his breath on the nape of Louis' neck. He hugs Louis tight even though the boy is stiff and hunched.

''I love you and I love worrying about you and not sleeping over you because it means I'm thinking of you when I don't know if you're safe and then I calm down a whole lot when you tell me that you are.'' Harry whispers, his eyes closed as he admits this. Louis relaxes in his embrace, hugging Harry's arms to himself as he tilts his head so that Harry's temple is to his cheek.

''Feels like I'm breaking you or something.''

''Louis,'' Harry sighs, frowning. ''Lou, do you love me?''

Louis nods, sadly.

''And you know that I love you right?''

Louis nods again.

''You love that I love you, correct?''

Louis nods with a watery smile. Harry reaches up and tilts his chin so he can look at Louis.

''Then keep me. Don't say stuff like that, like you don't want me around for my own good because I know you can't live without me just as much as I can't live without you. Do I have to make myself clearer than that?''

Louis shakes his head as he hurriedly turns around and hugs Harry tight, his head buried in the boy's chest.

''I'm sorry, I just don't like you not sleeping over me.''

''Well, I sleep better when I'm here so c'mon, don't worry about it.''

''Right,'' Louis snorts. ''When my step-dad is on the other side, you sleep. Right, of course, I believe you.''

''Hey,'' Harry says gently as he cups Louis' face up. ''I sleep better because I'm keeping you safe instead of clutching at my cross and praying there are angels doing it instead.''

''Aww, Hazza baby is jealous of his own kind?'' Louis teases.

''Hey, I'm no angel.''

''Are we going to go through this again?'' Louis asks with a quirked eyebrow.

''Oh, right.'' Harry rolls his eyes fondly. ''I'm your angel, forgot about that.''

''The best ever.'' Louis hugs him tight, almost squirming to get closer. Harry laughs but hugs him tight too, his fingers through Louis' hair.

''No wonder your cross is important.'' Louis pulls back and holds the crucifix between his thumb and pointer finger.

''You ask for too much.'' Louis shrugs when Harry looks at him confused.

''Is praying for your safety too much? Coz I don't think so.''

''Yeah, you can pray all you want but at the end of the day, it's not up to you. You can't always be there, you know, no matter how much you and I want you to.'' Louis shrugs sadly.

''Louis, I can make this go away. One phone call, that's all it takes but you're stopping me and I understand, I really do but it doesn't mean I can't at least pray for you.''

''Well, how can you do that now if you're giving this to me?'' he moves his hand to indicate the cross.

''Because I want you to have something of me with you when I'm not around.'' Harry reasons. ''Besides, I have another one at home but knowing that you have my favorite is really going to put my mind at ease, trust me.''

And when was Louis never up to anything that didn't put his friends at ease? He's surely not starting now.

''Fine, then.'' Louis sighs. He pecks the cross before tucking it under his shirt.

''My little angel, always so convincing.'' He beams proudly at Harry as he holds him around the neck.

Harry hugs him tight, feels the cross against the ear.

''Thank you.'' He says.

''Okay now.'' Louis says as he clamors over Harry and goes under the covers. Harry follows him there too.

''Care for more music?'' Louis asks as he picks up his iPod. Harry is tired but can never say no to Louis.

''Well, I like Zayn's taste. Let's listen to more of his songs, yeah?'' He says. Louis nods so he brings back the ear buds and settles his head on Harry's chest again, as they go through more music before they turn drowsy and fall asleep like that, tangled around each other in a web of warm limbs and perfectly placed affections.

 

The term starts then after the holidays and the boys are keen on hanging out as they've just finished their mid-term exams. They're in the pub and Harry kind of has two jobs now, one at the bakery every weekend morning and the other here in the pub, joining Zayn's band along with Niall. He loves singing and the crowd of young adults and teenagers from his school love it too but he loves it most when Louis sings on open-mic night or on karaoke nights because sometimes he joins him and they duet and it’s the best feeling ever, knowing he can share his voice with Louis.

Things are good, better than good actually because Louis is not hurt and hasn't been walking around with a limp or a pale face. Harry thinks that’s the best feeling ever but then Louis shines some light unto a very cold perspective some days later.

He doesn't come out straight and say anything but Harry notices and the boys pick up on it as well. It’s a week after the school starts and Louis' mood is down. He skips class a couple of times to spend it by himself on the rooftop because he knows Harry will badger him about it if he did it during lunch.

But Harry finds out anyway, when he catches Louis across the hall coming from upstairs when he should've been exiting the class right next to his.

Louis doesn't say anything because class is up so there's no time to talk but when Harry says they'll talk during lunch, Louis skips it altogether, opting for the roof instead. It was a bad idea because when he didn't show up during lunch time, Harry followed him up there anyway. He saw Louis trying to sleep and he fell for it immediately when Louis said he was merely tired, that maybe he was just coming down with something. Harry believed him as it had indeed started to snow and maybe the weather was getting the best of his skinny friend. So, he doesn't ask questions, lets Louis cuddle up to him and sleep until their next class is up.

Football matches are cancelled due to the snow and that gives everyone a break. Harry tries to break Louis' mood by orchestrating a snow ball fight in the middle of the parking lot and it works for a little while, putting a smile on Louis' face and Harry thinks that he's succeeded because that smile belongs there and he made it happen.

However, Louis' mood drop persists. He sits like a zombie during lunch hall, barely answering Liam's inquiries or returning Zayn's worried glances. Niall tried to talk to him during class but Louis shushed him like a baby and told him not to worry and Niall doesn't try again because he doesn't like being patronized.

Zayn tries next because he's subtle. By now, all the boys are properly concerned because Louis' mood doesn't usually show and doesn't usually last this long. So, they go to taking turns with Louis, trying to cheer him up or open him up to talk. Zayn doesn't succeed but somehow, he got Louis talking a bit yet its still not enough to bring back to the boys as its mostly his own opinions based on Louis' every word so he chooses to tell Harry first, because maybe he can shed some light onto Louis' 'coded' words.

''I think he's afraid of something, I just don't know what.'' Zayn said during one of his classes with Harry.

''Afraid of what?'' Harry whispers. It's been four days since he caught Louis on the roof and he's getting frustrated. He needs answers, now.

''That's the thing, he won't tell me.'' Zayn whispers back.

Liam takes his turn and the thing about Liam, he's so pushy that it plays on Louis' stubbornness and makes him more persistent. The next day after Liam's attempt, Louis goes to the roof again and Harry gets pissed because they shouldn't be driving their friend away. So, they all go upstairs and spend lunch with Louis, adamantly not leaving him but at the same time, not bringing up the obvious issue.

Harry's worries grow so he decides to talk to Eleanor. he asks her blatantly if she and Louis had a fight or something but she replies by saying that Louis has been too busy to call, and when she calls him, he says he's a bit tired and that his sisters kind of need him so she doesn’t push.

Harry figures that maybe that's it; maybe it's some girl problem with Louis' sisters that Louis doesn't know how to fix. He tells this to the boys and Zayn decides to get Perrie to talk to Louis, maybe he'll open up to her about it. They clamor on this idea and wait till lunch time when Perrie nudges Louis in an ever so casual way and asks if she could talk to him, pulls him to a separate table.

Louis agrees, ever the gentleman. He sits with his back to them and all four of the boys are practically burning holes through his head, trying to figure out what he's saying because Perrie doesn't seem to be giving any hints, keeping her face neutral and calm. They don't get a chance to speak with Perrie when the bell rings and so Harry casually settles an arm around Louis' shoulders as they walk to class, throwing Zayn a meaningful glimpse.

In class, Harry and the boys chat sans Louis and Zayn's answer is simple; the problem is most definitely not Louis' sisters.

They clamor on why's and how's but Zayn doesn't give reasons, he just knows and they don't ask him twice because they trust him to be true. Their worries, however, escalates, adding more frown lines to their brows.

Louis is quiet as Harry drives him home. It’s the day before the weekend and Harry doesn't know what to do because he wants to be with Louis in the two days apart and yet he suddenly feels like he has to ask and that hasn't happened for quite some time. When he pulls up away from the house, he turns to his friend, but Louis is so deep in his thoughts, he isn't aware that the car has stopped.

''Lou,'' Harry reaches out, lays a gentle hand on Louis' shoulder. Louis doesn’t flinch but he's startled and when he looks up, there's a glimmer of fear before it gets masked by a gentle smile.

''Oh, we're here already?'' Louis asks, looking past Harry at the house.

''What's up with you lately?'' Harry has to ask. Louis releases the seat belt but sits back with a sigh, looking out the window.

''Got a lot on my mind.'' He shrugs.

''Yeah, that's obvious.'' Harry rolls his eyes. ''Care to share?''

Louis sighs but says nothing, keeps his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and his school bag on his lap.

''Louis,'' Harry turns fully now and grasps Louis' hand out of its enclosure to clasps it between both of his. The boy still doesn't stir. ''Lou, you know you're scaring me with this, don't you?''

''Scaring you?'' Louis says quietly, still not looking at his friend.

''Yeah, this whole silent treatment of yours is scaring me. And the boys too,'' Harry admits. ''You're not like this; you're not one not to talk to me or any of us for that matter.''

''I know,'' Louis admits. He looks at their hands and smiles sadly. ''It's just…it's nothing, Harry, just some nonsensical fear.'' He looks up here and pleads Harry with his eyes but keeps his face light. ''Okay?''

''No, Lou. Nothing is okay if you're not okay. Can't you understand that?''

''Harry, I thought you of all people would notice by now.''

''Notice what?'' and Harry feels like a fucking idiot because something was expected of him. Louis was expecting something from him and he has failed to notice, failed to pay attention because he's looking too fucking close. Louis sighs but his eyes are deliberating. He looks tired and when he speaks, it's like he's given up.

''I'm not hurt.'' Louis points out.

''Okay,'' Harry drawls out slowly. ''And that's good right? You're doing everything perfect and he's backed off so that’s…''

''Harry,'' Louis interrupts but keeps his eyes level with Harry.

''What?'' Harry feels stupid for asking.

''I'm _not_ hurt.'' Louis repeats. Harry stares at him for a full minute before the fear in Louis' eyes makes realization hit like a fucking ton of cement. Louis is not hurt. He has not been hurt since God knows when and that is scary and shit shit shit!!!

''Shit.'' Harry mutters the mantra in his head. ''That's, that's unusual, is what you're saying? That he's breaking out of pattern?''

''Yeah, that's why I've been freaking the hell out of my mind here.'' Louis snaps frustratingly. ''God, I thought I was done with his mind games, but this,'' Louis looks at Harry with fright in his eyes. ''This has never happened before, I mean, three years of torture and now nothing? God, I sound like a masochist.''

''No, no it makes sense, you can't see what's coming, like, that's what you're trying to say, right?''

And deep down, Harry is freaking out because he too can't see what's coming, can't tell what Louis' step father's next move is.

''I feel like I'm in the dark.'' Louis spills, his hand shaking in Harry's hand and Harry squeezes to try and calm it. ''I can usually sense these things, even when they happen or when he takes me by surprise, I somehow know its going to happen, like it's inevitable. And in my mind, I'm prepared for it, like as best as I can be prepared.'' Harry nods quickly when Louis doesn't seem satisfied with his words. ''But he's still drinking, still tries to open my door but he hasn't laid a finger on me and I asked the girls, God, I had to ask them.'' Louis' voice is trembling now, as this realization dawns on him. ''I had to ask like I don't know and it kills me not to know, like maybe something's been happening behind my back and I'm not around and I have to be around, Harry. I have to be there when he swings because he sure as hell isn't going to punch the fucking wall when this spell of his breaks.''

''No, hey, no, don't talk about that. Don't go asking for it.'' Harry pleads as Louis slumps further in his seat.

''I feel so paranoid.'' Louis continues. ''And I knew you'd say that,'' he tells Harry. ''I knew it and that's why I didn't want to tell you.''

''Well, your fears are valid, if that's what you were worried about.'' Harry tries to say, tries to appease his friend who has to think so harshly about the reality of his life. And Harry doesn't want him to get hurt, has gotten used to it by now and maybe its selfish on his part, that he gets to hug Louis tight and not have to hear him weeping and crying and its selfish, it really is because here Louis' sat, wondering when on earth will that next punch be and hoping it lands on him because his sisters' safety must come first. Harry thinks despite all of Louis' bravery, the way the boy has been biting his lips in class, staring at nothing, shrinking in on himself when he's around them, that Louis is actually so terrified. He hates not knowing what to do and Harry fears for him.

''Maybe I should just provoke him, get it over with.'' Louis mutters to himself, like he's planning his own move too. Harry's heart skips a beat.

''No, no, don't say that. Don't think like that, that's not a plan. That's suicide.''

''Well, you enlighten me then.'' Louis' frustrated and he's taking it out on Harry. ''Because he's not shit-talking me, hasn't spoken a word to me since who knows when and that's the creepiest thing he's ever done and I am not going to stand for his bullshit, alright?'' Harry takes in his anger, takes anything that Louis can give him.

''Look, just be more cautious. Stay out of his way; if he doesn't talk to you then fine, don't talk to him. Isn't it better that he forgets you're there?''

''And the girls, hmm? What about my sisters, should I get them to disappear as well? Because it's not like his attention is diverted from his precious daughters, and what if one of these coming days he goes after Lottie or Fiz or the twins? God, Harry, for once you can't fix this coz you're in way over your head.''

And then he just leaves. Louis just takes his hand back and gets out of the car like Harry and their closeness has been suffocating him. Harry is shocked at first but then moves, gets out of the car as well.

''Louis!'' he calls but Louis is not walking toward the house, goes the opposite way but it doesn't matter because it's away from Harry either way and Harry doesn’t like that one bit.

''Lou…hey! Louis, I'm talking to you!'' He shouts.

''Leave me alone, Haz. I need to vent.'' Louis snaps, adamantly walking away.

''Well, then vent to me, you idiot! What the hell am I for?'' Harry shouts back, angry like that time he wheedled the truth out of Louis all those months ago and for God's sake, he doesn't know why he's shouting at Louis when he's mostly angry at himself.

''You're my friend, you fucker, not my therapist.'' Louis throws back, walking hurriedly. Harry groans in frustration.

''Louis, get back here!'' he orders as he stops and funny, he actually hears Louis snorts.

''Hey, I said get back here!'' Harry actually growls. His voice cuts through the air and he worries maybe he's being a bit too loud but he is beyond angry at himself that Louis' back is to him, walking away from him and him letting it happen.

But Louis does stop walking, his bag falling off his shoulder to the ground. The air is mighty tense and Harry takes puffs of deep breaths as he walks instead towards Louis.

Louis on the other hand is panicking. Harry just screamed at him with a whole lot of anger and he knows only one type of it that he can associate it with. And for once, he's actually afraid of Harry, afraid of the tall, seventeen-year-old boy walking towards him, slowly approaching behind him. He shuts his eyes tight.

''Please don't hit me.'' He blurts out when he feels Harry right behind him. He holds himself tight, hands tight on his biceps as he tries not to shake but stand his ground.

Harry abruptly stops. He is wounded, absolutely gutted at this, that he made Louis afraid of him, head bent to his chest like he wants the ground beneath him to swallow him up. But Harry is too wired and too compulsive to be gentle, so he turns Louis around and hugs him tight, even though Louis just flinched so badly, he almost dropped to the floor if it weren't for Harry's strong arms holding him up.

''Shh, shh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't going to hit you. I'm so sorry.'' He whispers hurriedly as he tries to consume Louis' shaking frame huddled in his chest. He's crying and his eyes are still shut so Harry keeps talking, feels like the mightiest douche-bag in the entire world.

''Louis, I swear, I wasn't going to hit you. I'll never do that. I swear to you, over my dead body. Please, believe me. I'm so sorry.'' His voice trembles, hating himself too much.

They stay like that, crying to each other and Harry only calms down when Louis calms down, enough to unravel his fingers around his biceps to tentatively wind them around Harry. Harry feels forgiven.

''Please tell me I'll be alright.'' Louis asks; his voice rough and still a little bit frightened.

''You will be.'' Harry obliges hurriedly, wants to do anything to calm this boy so he kisses him multiple times on his hair and temple. ''God, you will be. I swear it will be alright. God, I'm so sorry, I didn't…''

''I understand.'' Louis interrupts softly as he pulls back but doesn't look at Harry and it hurts because he's been doing fine, trusting Harry with all his being and now it looks like he's regressing or something.

''You do? You understand that I'll never hurt you, right? Please, tell me you really understand, Lou.''

Lou nods and Harry feels it's more for his benefit than Louis', like Louis is trying to do everything right by him so he doesn’t get hurt and it’s the exact same tactic he uses with his step-father and God almighty, Harry feels sick that Louis is associating that with him. He has to try harder to rectify this.

''Louis, I love you.'' He says as he cups Louis' face but Louis' eyes adamantly avoids his, looking at his cheekbones instead. ''I love you and I’ll never lay an ill-finger on you. I love you.''

He says it enough times that Louis finally looks at his eyes, sees the desperation there, the need to be believed.

''Promise?'' And Harry hates that Louis has to ask that but he obliges, too weak in the knees for any request out of Louis' mouth from him.

''I promise. I'll do anything you ask me to. I love you. I promise.''

Louis nods before he hugs Harry, standing on tiptoes to press a kiss to his temple before sagging back and pressing his face in the crook of Harry's neck.

''Take care of me.'' He asks in a small voice, like he's giving Harry the chance to prove his worth by laying himself out there in the dark and Harry reaches out without a thought, carries him out of the dark, never more willing to do anything except that.

 


	21. And if we fall, it's not your fault

Harry spends the night. He stays in Louis' room, quietly doing his homework while Louis downstairs fixes his sisters lunch, does the housework and puts his step-dad's food in the microwave. Mr. Frank usually arrives back late because he works two jobs but by 'late', Louis usually means long after midnight because after work he either goes out drinking or drinks home in the living room, leaving cans of beer in the sink for Louis to pick up.

When Louis finally gets back to his room, he is not as worn out as Harry expected.

''Haz, I used to have football practice before I come home to do all this.'' Louis explains when Harry tells him to sleep. ''At least now, I don't have to cook up an entire week's worth of food during the weekend for Lottie to heat up every day or have the laundry pile up on me.''

Harry just looks at him sympathetically as Louis plumps himself on the bed, his arms behind his head as he closes his eyes.

''Go back to your homework, love.'' Louis says quietly. ''I'll just close my eyes for a bit.''

''Okay,'' Harry says and he feels guilty because in the time that Louis was downstairs, he's made a very desperate call to Liam. Figuring that his brain was in no mood for subtle thinking, he turned to his most logical friend, relaying to him Louis' fears...

 

''Liam, I think whatever's going to happen is going to be bad, like really bad for him to be scared like this.'' he said, standing by the window so that he can keep an eye on the door, keeping his voice down in case Louis passes by.

''Okay, okay, you're right.'' Liam said, glad that he's no longer in the dark and can do some thinking.

''So, what's the plan? Do we call the police?'' Harry asks. He doesn't care anymore about Louis' reasons; he wants to keep him safe.

''I don't think that's gonna work coz, like, what do we have to show for? His bruises are all healed up, there's no evidence. Shit, should've taken pictures.'' Liam mutters.

''So, what? We're witnesses, aren't we?'' Harry said.

''Yeah, but it's going to be our word against his. And besides, if the police just show up at his house and ask to see what the problem is then finding there's no problem at all, Louis' ass will be on the line here.'' Liam explains.

''What do you mean there's no problem? There definitely is a problem since we're having this conversation.'' Harry points out frustratingly.

''I mean no physical, visible problem. Fear won't be taken into account, Harry. We need something substantial.''

''Geez, its no wonder Louis wants to provoke him.'' Harry mutters.

''You…you didn't indulge that idea, did you?'' Liam has to ask, a slight panic in his voice. ''Because it’s a stupid, fucking idea and I hope you know that and…''

''Relax, Payner.'' Harry interrupts. ''I told him it was suicide, geez, don't get your panties in a twist.''

''Alright, good.''

''Cheers to your level of trust, mate.'' Harry rolls his eyes as he mutters sarcastically.

''Sorry, I just. I know he takes your every word for it and I know he'll probably go for it if you even hinted at agreeing, so.''

''Well, I didn't.'' Harry blushes, realizes that the same goes for him, this whole following Louis in the dark. Only now it hits him that Louis will most probably do the same.

''Okay, back to the plan. I actually have something but I don't know if we can put it to work yet.'' Liam says.

''Well?''

''You see, after my mom paid for his hospital bill, you know, when he…''

''Yeah, I know. Get on with it.'' Harry interrupts, not in need for visuals right now.

''Well, I told her.''

''Everything?'' Harry asks after a beat.

''Harry, what did you expect? You really think I could've kept it from her after that?''

''Geez, Liam! You know we were not supposed to say anything.''

''Oh, c'mon. We both know you spilled too. I just know it.''

Harry bites his lip because he'd be a hypocrite if he disagreed with Liam.

''Fine, but I told my sister, not my mother, not a parent.'' Harry emphasized.

''Yeah, whatever. But you told so shush. Anyway,'' Liam continued even after Harry's affronted gasp. ''I told my mom and she's been talking with a lawyer friend about what her chances are for adopting Louis' sisters. She played it all vague and didn't mention Louis at all. She just wanted to know where she would stand if she tried to go for it.''

''Wow, your mom will actually do that?'' Harry's slightly overwhelmed, didn’t think there was such a possibility because it's apparent now that if one wants to save Louis, they have to save his sisters too, and first, much to his dismay. He cares for the girls, he does but he wants to put Louis first because no one ever does. Only now, it seems that Liam figured out how.

''Yeah, of course she does, ever since the girls slept over.'' Liam said. ''She's been head over heals over them and you know, when my sisters all upped and got married, the house has been girls-free. So, she wants this and by want this, I mean she'll go all the way. Only now, she has a good reason to.''

''But is it even possible? Like isn't there some sort of red tape involved?''

''Well, yeah and it's even more difficult considering that the girls' parents are alive and they're going to need to sign off a paper wavering their parental rights. I don't know. My mom is just focusing on whether or not she can be candidate for the whole process. Her lawyer says the system usually looks into that, whether the person can provide shelter and necessary care and stuff. Now, I know my mom can, it just depends if the systems sees it that way too.''

''And? Is she qualified?'' Harry asks.

''Financially, no. I mean we have enough but for five other kids? That's a lot but.'' Liam takes a breath before he speaks. ''We'll make it work, Harry. If I have to waver my salary and take up an extra shift at my dad's factory, so be it.''

''Liam…'' Harry is overwhelmed; for a while, he thought he was the only one doing all the real work here.

''Look, my mom is thinking about doing it some other way, like opening our doors to housing foster kids but that will require Louis' sisters to enlist in the fostering system and that could diminish my mom's chances if there's someone out there who is more financially capable, so no. I told her that Louis will not have it if the girls get split up.''

''Well, I think your mom needs to look more into this and soon like, she ought to tell her lawyer friend about the variables here, about Louis getting hurt and the whole absent mother and abusive father and all that. No mentions of Louis' name, of course but she ought to throw those out there because I think if this goes bad, then your mom better start drawing out the paper works.''

''Mate, I already told her to prepare for a fucking court. We're not backing off. Besides, when she paid for Louis' hospital bill back then, she kept the receipt. She's also thinking about getting the hospital's recommendation, have them put in a good word for her even though that might be a bit tricky.''

''Tricky? Why?''

''Well, Louis' mom used to work there as a nurse so they all kind of know her. However, they all know that she's been absent for quite some time now, and they think that Louis' step-dad is doing a stellar job at taking care of the kids since Louis never the tells the truth when it comes to his injuries so mom's sure that when they find out that Jamie's kids are getting hurt, they'll surely want to help even if it means blindly assisting mom in taking over her children's custody.''

''This still sounds all like touch and go, Li.'' Harry had to say. He remembers that one time when Louis had his break down at Zayn's place, how he (Harry) had disagreed with Liam about this whole thing, saying it's not that easy. It still isn't but back then, Harry wasn't as desperate.

''Look, if what you're saying is true, then still, no worries, my mom will fight. She's a good fighter.''

''Alright.'' Harry pauses before he remembers something. ''Oh, by the way, your mom doesn't get all five kids. I get Louis.'' Harry said, already imagining the possibilities even though nothing's happened. Yet.

''Mate, he's eighteen. He picks wherever he wants to stay…''

''Yeah, and he'll stay with me.'' Harry insists stubbornly.

''Geez, someone's possessive.'' Liam teases.

''Yeah, he's mine. Duh.''

Liam giggles down the phone, ever used to the 'Harry and Louis' antics.

''Liam, do you think we're thinking too far ahead?'' Harry says after a beat.

''Look, better be several steps ahead than two steps behind. For once, we might be able to be fucking useful.''

''Yeah, but what do you think Louis' going to say about all this?''

''Yeah, we ought to tell him.'' Liam sighs. ''Keep him prepared.''

''You think he'll hate us?''

''Well, maybe a little but Louis likes a plan. He doesn't like stumbling in the dark.''

''Yeah.'' Harry agrees a hundred percent.

''Tell you what? We'll talk tomorrow during Barbara's birthday party.''

''Are we going to Barbara's birthday party?''

''We are now. Look, we'll all talk and as soon as Zayn finishes his shift and comes over.''

''And as soon as we can get Niall to stop drooling allover Barbara.''

''Nah, he'll put Louis first. No worries.''

And Harry likes that, likes the thought of putting Louis first and not stumbling in the dark...

 

Harry looks back at Louis and notices that the boy is asleep. He looks too thin, Harry thinks, as he notices Louis' ribs sticking slightly up his shirt, the way his cheekbones are drawn in tight and the way he takes up so little space in the corner of the bed. He hasn't moved; his arms still behind his head and Harry knows he won't be comfortable if he remains like that, so Harry gets up and adjusts him, putting his arms down and shifting his body to his side so that he can tuck him in under the covers. He pulls the blankets around him tight, up till his chin before he kisses his forehead and ruffles his hair, wishing him good dreams. But then Louis stirs and opens his eyes, all bleary.

''Hey, go back to sleep.'' Harry whispers.

''What time is it?'' Louis asks as he rubs his eyes.

''You've been out half an hour. C'mon, go back to…''

''No,'' Louis gets up despite Harry's protests.

''Need to help Lottie with her homework.'' Louis explains as he looks for his slippers. ''She needs the laptop so,''

''Okay.'' Harry surrenders, rubbing up and down Louis' back. Louis looks back at him and if Harry didn't know better, he'd think that maybe Louis is the angel here, a fallen angel from the sky and that is why he didn't belong in this household.

''Thank you for staying, but you'll need to go.'' Louis says sadly. ''The girls like to do their homework here and I know they won't mind you being here but I can't control what the twins will say to him. They're young, they make innocent mistakes, so…''

''I understand.'' Harry interrupts kind of expecting it. He's usually in Louis' room only past midnight, never this early and it makes him feel like he's stealing time away from Louis' sisters to be with their brother.

''Sure? I don't like kicking you out.'' Louis says as he entwines their fingers between them on the bed.

''I don't mind. Besides, I can come back later if you want.'' Harry offers. Louis beams.

''I'd love that but I need to get all my homework done for today coz Niall mentioned something about Barbara's birthday party tomorrow and he needs a wingman so,''

''Ah, Liam told me about that too.'' Harry feels like he may have slipped so he doesn't elaborate on when Liam told him.

''So, you're going?'' Louis beams again.

''Yeah, I think we're all going.''

''Great.'' Louis says. Then it’s a second after that they see it coming and they just go for it. Harry hugs him tight and Louis hugs back just as fondly.

''I'll see you soon then?'' Louis asks.

''I'll see you soon then.''

 

It actually physically hurts leaving Louis that day. The boy is finally not hurt and yet it brings him no comfort knowing what it means. He suddenly cannot breathe, feels like Louis is not glued together strongly enough and that he's gonna break, crack through the first punch. Harry tries to keep it together, he really does but he's been crying silently in the car half-way through the drive till he just had to stop and take a breathe because his vision's clouding and he'll definitely get himself in a car accident if he doesn’t pull himself together first.

He doesn't want to leave Louis, because now it feels like betrayal. Knowing that Louis' step-dad might hurt him any day and he's not there…it's unbearable. He has to do something and so he scrambles for his phone and speed-dials Louis' number.

''Hey Haz.'' Louis is pleasantly surprised but Harry is a mess.

''Is your phone charged?'' Harry asks immediately, his voice hitching. Louis is instantly concerned.

''Baby, what's wrong?''

''Is your emergency phone charged?'' Harry asks again, his voice croaking with intensity. He knows that Louis keeps his mom's old phone and uses it for emergency.

''Um, no, the battery is about to run out coz Lottie was using it, but why are you…''

''Charge it. Now.'' Harry orders.

''Harry, what's this ab…?''

''I said charge it!'' Harry practically shouts as he sputters a new set of tears.

''Okay, okay, I'm on it. Hang on a sec.'' Louis hurriedly does as he's told, picking up the charger and plugging the phone in.

''Charging.'' He announces. ''Now can you tell me what's wrong?''

''Can you please check the lock on your door?'' Harry ignores Louis' question because his heart is beating so fast. He doesn't know where this overwhelming fear is coming from all of a sudden but it's like a bus about to run over him and he needs to get to the other side of the road before he gets hit.

''Well, its there.'' Louis says sarcastically. ''Is that what you meant?''

''Louis, please. You're killing me, here.'' Harry is still crying and he's not hiding it in his voice. ''Please tell me its functioning or something.''

''Harry, I'll only indulge you because I know you mean well but if you do not stop crying, I'll hang up on you.'' Louis threatens weakly, aware of Harry's fears now.

''No, please, please.'' Harry panics, clutching his phone with both hands. ''Don't hang up, Lou. Please, I love you. Don't do that, please.''

''Okay, love, okay. Alright, I'm not hanging up but you're supposed to be driving and you're really not doing me or yourself a favor.'' Louis says, a bit put out with Harry.

''I parked. On the side of the road.'' Harry says, his words breaking twice. Louis doesn't say anything as he lets Harry take a breather. He walks to his door and checks on the lock instead. It's definitely functioning but he doesn’t tell Harry that his step-dad had one time taken off the knob when his anger was really bad but with the way that Harry is crying and panicking, he decides its best for now not to share that information.

''Alright, checked on the lock. It's all good.'' Louis says gently. He hears Harry's sigh of relief and his ragged breathe and loves how much Harry loves him, how he cares so much.

''And the lock in the bathroom?'' Harry remembers to ask.

''Give me a second.'' Louis says warily as he goes check on that too.

''Talk to me.'' Harry says when Louis' gone silent for a minute.

''Yup, lock's there, all ready to be locked.'' Louis sing-songs.

''And the window? Is it open? It usually helps with reception, right?''

And Louis's heart swells that Harry remembers that little tidbit but this is verging on paranoia.

''No; it's fucking cold, Harry. Besides, I'll open it when I need to and as for your other questions, yes, the prop rope from the drama class is under my desk, all knotted and ready for a quick getaway, I have a jacket ready at all times and a pair of shoes under my window, all ready for a quick escape. Are you satisfied now?''

''Not really.'' Harry mutters.

''Geez baby, can you please calm down? He's not going to hurt me tonight if that's what you're panicking about.'' Louis says.

''How do you know that?'' Harry asks, a new set of tears about to fall.

''I just know, alright?'' Louis lies but he hopes Harry doesn't notice.

''No, you don't. You don't know that. Don't lie to me.'' Harry's voice hitches again.

''Okay, fine. I don't know that but I'm not panicking over it.'' He points out. Harry groans, his fears taking over again because maybe he's panicking for the both of them.

''Can you please check that lock again?'' he asks Louis desperately.

''Tell you what?'' Louis decides. ''The moment he steps through the door, I'll lock myself in my room, okay? I'll make sure the girls are in theirs first but I'll be in my room soon after, okay? No Tellie, no doing homework in the living room, nothing. And when I get back from work, no late night showers either, okay? I'll just stay in my room, sounds good?''

''Yes and one more thing.'' Harry just came up with the idea and he has to blurt it out. ''Get a copy of Eleanor's car keys. You need to have a proper getaway. Can you do that? Or, you know what? I'll do it for you. Just…''

''You are panicking way too much for your own good, love.'' Louis interrupts with a chuckle.

''I don't care. I'll drive back now and ask her.'' Harry starts the car and Louis hears the engine rev up.

''Wait a second. You're serious.'' Louis says, genuinely surprised.

''Do you want me to do it or you will?'' Harry asks rudely. He is beyond logical at this point; he doesn’t care if he has to steal it from her. He'll get those damn car keys.

''Fine, I'll ask her before work.'' Louis sighs, always giving in to Harry that it's almost annoying. ''But only for your sake, Harry. God, you've lost it, mate.''

''You just don't know how this is killing me.'' Harry can't help but say.

''Trust me, I know. But you're not helping yourself, Haz. I mean, couldn't you've at least panicked here so that I could calm you down face to face rather than on the phone?''

Harry chuckles wetly, wishing for the exact same thing.

''That would be nice.'' He settles by saying.

''Yeah, with a cup of tea and a cuddle, it would be more than nice.''

Harry laughs again because Louis is soothing him and it is working.

''I love you.'' He can't help but say, feels warm at the thought of ending every conversation with Louis with those three words, sending him his love down the line and knowing that it comforts Louis to hear it.

''I love you too and I love you caring so much, angel. I'll be clutching your cross tonight, I promise.'' Louis says and if that doesn't well up Harry's heart then he's made of stone and he's glad he's not. But then again, Louis can break the hearts of ice-sculptures, break the hearts of those with a conscience and that is why he knows that Louis' step dad has no heart.

''You're the best, Lou.''

''And you're the bestest, Hazzhead.''

Harry laughs, remnants of his tears already flaking over. ''Now, promise me that when you're calm enough, you'll start driving. Don't drive till then. Don't want you in a car accident, you hear me?''

''I promise.'' And Harry means it.

After they hang up, he takes one, two, three breaths before he starts driving home.

 

Barbara's birthday party was in full swing when Zayn arrived. He's got Perrie under his arm but he lets her mingle, says he and the boys need to talk in private. He knows where he's going as he makes his way through the crowd of drunken teens. He passes the kitchen, says hi to a couple of friends, avoids some girls who did the occasional swooning and some extra drunken ones who get a bit daring and literally throw themselves at him. He avoids them smoothly, peels off their arms when they go for a hug and finally manages to open the porch's sliding door with a drunken shout from the inside saying, ''I really wanna fuck you, Zayn!!!!'' Yeah, he's glad he got out of there alive.

He turns his head to the laughter behind him, and shakes his head with embarrassment as Niall guffaws, Harry along with him, Liam shaking his head sympathetically but with a small smile on his face. Louis gets up and gives him a sympathetic hug and his beer, always opting out of drinking it.

''Well, at least you've got a good story to tell.'' Louis offers.

''Yeah, to Perrie.'' Niall says, remnants of his laugh still in his voice. ''So she can bite that girl's head off.''

''How 'bout we don't bring it up, yeah?'' Zayn says as he takes his seat on the stairs. Liam and Niall are on the second and third step, whilst Harry is next to him and Louis' on the second step next to Harry, opposite Niall and Liam.

''Hmm, we'll think about it.'' Harry says and Zayn glares but can't help the grin pulling at his face. They banter around for a bit, catching up even though they're always together. Zayn and Niall have already been told about the situation and so they don't say anything when Harry keeps throwing these meaningful glances at Liam, willing him to start the conversation. He thinks that maybe he should've relayed to Liam that Louis had woken him up at 5 am because he had a nightmare and he had to hide under his bed to keep his crying and shuddering breaths down. Not to mention the second nightmare he had at the rooftop earlier in the day. He was too embarrassed to sit with Harry during lunch time, seeing him so groggy from lack of sleep because of his comforting him but Harry followed him there anyway, told Louis to lay his head on his lap and catch up on his own sleep only to have to wake him up from it because he was having another bad dream. Not to mention that, because Louis ended up sleeping under his bed and staying on the rooftop while it was snowing, he also ended up coming down with a cold. And now, he feels guilty for bringing Louis to the party instead of resting at home so he wants to get this over with, knowing that they need to talk about the plan, which okay, wasn't a plan at all, but more like a contingency solution at best. Still, it's better than nothing.

However, much to Harry's dismay, when Liam does bring up the conversation with Harry and mentions his mom and court, Louis gets pissed. Sure, Harry expected it, Liam expected it but he actually shouts at them, drawing attention from drunken onlookers and passers by. Harry tries to calm him down but Louis doesn't stop; goes on and on about invasion of privacy, about being stabbed in the back and them pitying him and he thunders off inside the house, with the boys hot on his heels.

Louis is walking away from them, shaking with wrath and anger. He doesn't want to talk, doesn’t want to hear what more they have to say. Liam is offering to adopt his sisters and it’s a stab in the back because it means he doesn't trust Louis to take care of them. And he knows -deep down he knows that if he does get hurt, he won't be able to and he hates that Liam makes him realize this. He hates them, all of them for playing along, for actually fucking agreeing.

''Louis, please. Wait!'' Harry shouts and God, of all people Louis' pissed at, he's pissed at Harry the most.

''Fuck you!!'' he thunders before he continues walking away.

''No, fuck you!!!'' Harry seethes. That stops Louis and he turns back to see Zayn trying to stop Harry from advancing but Harry's had it. He's had it with Louis refusing to get proper help. Liam is holding his shoulder, trying to get him to calm down and Niall doesn’t know who to go to, keeps looking between Louis and Harry.

''Fuck you for not letting us help you, you idiot! You keep saying you have to put your sisters first and now that Liam is offering you the chance, you bail on it!?''

''Who the hell do you think you are, you piece of shit?'' Louis thunders back and Niall steps in because Louis looks like he's about to attack and so he holds Louis back as he continues his yelling.

''You think you can control my life? You think you can just do that, huh? Who asked you to pity me? Who asked any of you to pity me?'' he pushes Niall's chest and glares at all of them. ''My sisters are my problem, they're not yours!'' he points an accusing finger at Liam. ''They're not yours to take and they are not yours to handle, you fucking hear me?''

''God, would you look at the big fucking picture, here?'' Liam says, his voice not enraged but exasperated. ''We can keep you safe, Lou. We can promise you that. Why can't you trust us?''

''Because you're not promising me shit!'' Louis screams, his voice getting sore from his colds and exhaustion, sounding like a bruise. ''You're giving me nothing but half attempts here, nothing but half-empty promises and you have no idea how this can hit the roof. God, Liam you're a fucking idiot! Do you know what would happen if your mom doesn't win the case? Do you have any idea what would happen?''

''It’s worth a try, goddamnit!'' Liam says passionately.

''It's my life!!!'' Louis wails. ''You're talking about my life here, and it is not a goddamn try. You cannot just try this, you can't just try to send my fucking step-dad to jail and fight for my sister's custody and think if you don't win, fine, no harm no foul. You think you can….'' Louis doesn't finish because his voice breaks and he ends up coughing, roughly, badly, clutching at his chest and mouth, trying to stop himself. The boys are instantly concerned, instantly reaching for him. Niall reaches first but Louis hits his arm away and he's coughing so badly that when he tries to walk away, he sways and ends up on his knees, the coughs coming out of his chest rougher than ever. Harry pushes Liam, turns around and reaches him first, taking Louis into his chest and rubbing his back, the other boys doing the same, surrounding Louis in a circle and trying to comfort him through his fit.

''Leave me alone,'' Louis pleads, his voice sore and achy as he tries to push Harry away.

''No, we're sorry. We're so sorry. We won't bring it up again, Lou. Promise.'' Harry says, keeping his arms around Louis and not letting him go. Liam glares at him; they had agreed not to pull back no matter what but here's Harry, already caving in.

Louis ends up crying, which Harry had suspected him to do at the end of this and he can see the guilt in the boys' eyes and he's guilty too because maybe ganging up on Louis was the wrong thing to do.

''I know, I know you mean well, all of you but it feels like shit knowing I can't stop it, knowing I have to depend on you like this. I hate it.'' Louis says with a passion, his voice ugly to hear with such raw pain behind it.

''No, it's our fault.'' Liam says, wavering as well. ''We should've approached you with a better tactic. We didn't mean to gang up on you.''

''Yeah, Lou. We love you, we're just looking out for you, the way you looked out for us.'' Niall says and Harry knows what he means and they share a look only they understand.

''You don't owe me anything.'' Louis cries. ''You shouldn't do this because you owe me.''

''But we do.'' Zayn says, his hand at the small of Louis' back. ''I know for a fact that I owe you so much so you can't stop me from helping you. I won't let you, Louis.''

Louis just cries more and Harry rubs his back with large strokes because his Louis is hurting and he hates it, always have. They're sitting in the snow and the weather is not helping any of them as Niall sneezes and all of their breaths are puffing out with cold smoke.

''I think we better get inside.'' Harry says, afraid for Louis' well-being. ''It's fucking freezing out here.''

''How about my car, yeah?'' Liam says quickly when Louis shakes his head.

''Okay.'' Louis croaks before he's coughing again and Harry holds him tight through it and when he's done, he gets his one arm under his knees, the other secure around his back and carries him up like a baby, huddled small in his arms as he follows the boys to Liam's car. Louis is shaking in his arms, and Harry notices that he's not wearing enough, just a T and a hoodie. He walks a bit quicker and dives inside when Liam opens the door to the backseat. Zayn clamors after him followed by Liam who pulls Niall on his lap. Zayn reaches forward and starts the heat on Liam's car before he sits back and puts Louis' feet between his legs, under his thigh to keep warm.

''Thank you.'' Louis says at Zayn's gesture and Zayn rubs up and down his thigh to his knee. Somehow, they're all giving him comforting touches; Liam rubbing up and down the area between his feet and leg, Niall playing with the rabbit-ears of his shoelaces, twirling it between his fingers and somehow the tug on it wells up Louis' heart because Niall always means so well, even in the littlest of his gestures.

Harry is hugging him tight around the shoulders, keeping him under his chin, fusing his warmth with Louis as the boy keeps his arms around himself, trying to fight the cold.

''You remember, don't you?'' Zayn starts after their cold breaths dies down. He looks at Louis gently as he speaks. ''You remember why I'm always looking for any possible way to help you?''

''You don't owe me. I swear you don't owe me.'' Louis is about to cry again and Harry wishes he understands. He knows Liam's story, knows Niall's story, knows his own story but he doesn't know Zayn's. He knows that Zayn was Louis' friend before Liam, knows that he knew second to Liam about Louis' problems and he thinks that maybe the reason why Louis hasn't told him is because of something magnanimous, something that's making Zayn so committed to Louis and sticking by him like glue.

''I don't care. I'm going to help you and you're going to let me. I don't care if you're not screaming for it like I did but I will.''

''Why are you holding that against me, huh? Why are you doing this to me?''

''You know why. You saw, didn't you? You helped me.''

And Louis is sobbing and Harry is suddenly angry at Zayn, looking at him with a passion.

''Stop pushing him.'' He says sternly.

''No, Harry you don't know.'' Zayn says and there are tears in his eyes. Harry catches a brief glimpse of Liam and Niall and it's obvious that they don't know either.

''You think Louis is you’re hero and yours alone? You think he didn't do more than just offer you friendship and save you from that guy in the bathroom?''

''Please, stop.'' Louis begs.

''I won't.'' Zayn says softly. ''I won't ever forget it, Lou. I won't forget what you did. I'll go to hell first before I let that happen.''

''You're hurting yourself. Don't do this.''

''You think I'm hurting myself?'' Zayn chuckles wetly. ''What about seeing you like this, what about everything that's happened to you, you think that doesn't hurt me more? You're my friend; you saved me from a gang of drunken football players who tried to rape me in some shady alleyway and you think I don't owe you? God, you can't say that to me after that. You just can't because not helping you with this after you pushed them off me hurts me way more. Believe me, Lou. Please.''

Zayn's tears spill, Niall's mouth drops in shock, Liam's eyes widen almost comically and Harry's head whips in horror. Louis' breath hitches and even in his state, he can't help but reach out and pull Zayn's hand to his chest because seeing those tears, seeing his friends cry in general always causes a knot to twist in his stomach.

''I won't let it happen again, I promise.'' Louis says with a nod. Zayn laughs, inducing more tears from his eyes to fall.

''Can you not hear yourself, Lou?'' he asks. ''God, you're so fucking selfless. It's obnoxious, mate. You stopped them from starting anything and yet, you're not even allowing me to help you from stopping yours from starting.''

''This is different. I'm only up against one person.'' Louis jokes but it falls flat in their ears.

''Yeah, but that one person can kill you.'' Zayn says, his eyes glistening with the threat of new tears. ''And I'm not, I'm not going to let you die, Lou. For my sake, please understand.''

Niall is crying quietly. He has one arm behind Liam's neck and is using his head to hide his face. Liam is holding him tight around the waist but his other hand is rubbing Zayn's shoulder up and down, his eyes hard and trying not to lose control. Harry is crying too, his tears cascading down and falling atop of Louis' hair. He doesn’t know what to say, he knows it was something big but not this big. God, in his wildest dreams he never thought it could be this big. Sure, Zayn's beautiful but it shouldn't be to the point of attempted gang rape. And he's a boy. Jesus Christ.

''Okay.'' Louis says quietly, wiping away his tears and releasing Zayn's hand. Zayn pats him on the knee, hoping. They're all hoping with what's to come.

''Okay?'' Zayn has to ask. Louis nods but they want more.

''Okay, as in…?'' Liam starts, all eyes on Louis now.

''As long as,'' Louis sniffs as he looks at him. ''As long as we're not a liability and that, you won't, like, kick us out after the first week, right? You'll stick to this?''

''Over my dead body, Lou.'' Liam says fiercely. ''You always have a home with me, always.''

''Nu, uh. He's staying with me.'' Harry says as he finds his voice, squeezing Louis in before loosening up. Louis looks up at him with big doe eyes.

''Me? With you?''

''Yeah. Liam gets the girls and I get you.'' Harry says with pride.

''You're being serious.'' Louis has to say.

''One hundred percent.'' Harry nods. Louis is still not so sure. He looks at Liam worriedly.

''This might not work.''

''It will. My mom is preparing for court, Lou.'' Liam says with a chuckle because he still can't believe it. ''She's more ready than your step-dad with the procedures and if he does attempt anything, then he's already lost his rights.''

''But mom, she could, like they could track her down or something.''

''And then what? Ask her where she's been all this time while you were getting hurt? She's got nothing but negligence to show for so it’s a moot point even if they try.'' Liam points out before he pats Louis' leg. ''This case is in the bags, Lou. I promise you.''

''You don't know that.'' Louis shakes his head.

''Why?''

''Because this all depends if I get hurt first.''

And Louis is right. All this time, they were preparing for what to do after; they didn't focus on what will lead them to that.

''No, he won't get to that.'' Harry steps in. ''As soon as you sense that he'll get violent, you lock yourself in your room and call the police. That way, they'll catch him in the act.''

''What act? Knocking on my door?'' Louis pulls back and looks at Harry.

''Didn't you tell me that he ripped the doorknob before?'' Liam asks and Harry's eyes widen in shock as Liam continues. ''Maybe you could let him swing a bit before the police come. I'm sure a couple more punches won't hurt.''

''Liam, can you hear yourself?'' Niall chastises.

''No, I'm not allowing that.'' Harry shakes his head as he pulls Louis close to him, hugging him possessively. ''And what's this about the doorknob, hmm?'' he looks down and asks Louis. ''Did that really happen before?''

''Yeah,'' Louis says shyly before he glares at Liam. ''Just once before Liam snuck in and fixed it. Thanks very much Liam.'' He says with major eye roll.

''I'm just trying to be realistic here.'' Liam says in his defense.

''Well, I hate to say it but,'' Louis starts with a last glare at Liam. ''Payner's right. The police will need evidence and a broken door knob and a couple of punches won't hurt if that's what it takes.''

''No, not even one punch.'' Harry shakes his head. ''I can't believe you're agreeing to this. God you,'' he points an accusing finger at Liam. ''Are such a fucking hypocrite!''

''I'm sorry but this is an extreme situation, Harry. You think I like it coming down to this?''

''Harry, please.'' Louis captures Harry's hand and stops it from making an obscene gesture. ''Liam's right; besides, if I'm going to live with you, then you get free reign to fuss over me, okay? Like later on?''

Harry is not sure if he wants to laugh or cry. He goes for a hug instead, a fierce embrace.

''I'm going to bandage you up with an entire roll that you are so not going to recognize yourself.'' Harry vows and his heart feels heavy but light with the thought of Louis living with him.

''Free reign, baby.'' Louis kisses his chest where his heart is. ''Free reign.''

 

And it's not over, far from it. They are yet to discuss what Zayn divulged, yet to discuss further planning but for now, they are warm in the car, huddled close and keeping their hero safe and sheltered in their midst.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know why but i love this chapter so much. hope u loved it too. i enjoyed editing it so hope there are no mistakes either.


	22. As the snow flies

The night passes by with no more drama. Although, after Liam drives Louis to his work place, with the boys all piled up in the car, Louis texts each of them individually, sans Zayn, not to leave their Bradford friend tonight. It's such a sweet gesture and from the way Zayn's silent in the backseat, his eyes glazed over, they understand.

''You alright, Z?'' Liam asks, eyeing Zayn through the mirror. Niall is leaning against Zayn's shoulder, cuddling him by the waist like the baby brother Zayn had always loved and seen him as. Harry has one arm around Zayn's shoulder, put there casually after receiving Louis' text.

''Yeah, just thinking about Lou.'' Zayn replies, his voice not giving anything away.

''And you?'' Harry asks. Zayn sighs.

''I need a smoke.''

So Niall shifts and lets Zayn take the seat near the window. Liam doesn't like him smoking but he lets Zayn roll down the window and light up a cig. The car is quiet as they watch him, hoping he's relaxing and releasing the tension out of his shoulders. Harry doesn't know how he does it, how he relies on something so heavily. Only now he thinks that maybe he needs it to keep him sane but still, its sad how he has to breathe in toxins to feel like he actually can breathe, how each and every day to come, Harry must learn to understand how Zayn is okay with killing himself how he does. Every day he has to begin to understand how he is so dependent on something so heavily that he can’t properly function without it. Now, inside Liam's car, he is beginning to get it and it’s like he’s watching some kind of artist paint a tragic masterpiece of himself.

''You should've seen Louis back then.'' Zayn interrupts the silence, finishing his cig and throwing the bud in the air.

''Yeah?'' Niall says quietly. They all want to know but they're not pushing.

''He wasn't the skinny lad he is now. He had proper biceps, a bit of a tummy even.'' Zayn chuckles. Harry smiles sadly as he tries to picture it, tries to picture a healthy Louis and not the drawn-faced one with too tight jaws and too skinny wrists.

''He took out all four guys by himself or maybe they were five, I don't remember.'' Zayn takes in a shaky breathe before he releases it. Liam eyes him again, his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel.

''The cops arrested him along with the others for the damage he inflicted. I remember talking to him through the bars of where he was detained, telling him I called his step-dad to take him home.'' Zayn shakes his head and grimaces. ''I didn't know about Louis' step-dad then but he didn't show anything, just kept fussing over me. He convinced me to make a statement, press charges. I agreed easily, was too much of a mess to say no coz I took a bit of a beating before they decided to take the fun a bit too far.'' His voice shakes but he keeps his eyes on the window and continues. ''I think that's the only reason why they let me bail Lou, so that he can drive me to the hospital. He stayed long enough for me to get my cuts and bruises checked before his step-dad showed up at the hospital and dragged him away. Louis called, made sure I was alright but I didn't see him for three days after. I can only tell why now.''

Liam keeps his eyes on the road, his jaws taut and hard. He remembers those three days, how on the third day of Louis' absence, he saw Louis limping and walking with his sisters on their way home. He didn't care that much about Zayn to be interested in him but now that they're more like brothers, it hurts to know that he had gone through something like that and how when he spoke to him in school, he didn't care to ask how he was doing or why was he jumpy when he spoke to him on the second day of Louis' absence.

''How did you recover from something like that?'' Harry asks quietly. Zayn shrugs and lights up another cig.

''By letting the police take care of it.'' Zayn answers. ''It was fun watching those bastards do community service in their bright orange uniforms and see them look the other way whenever Louis so much as glanced at them.''

Niall chuckled and so did Harry because they can actually imagine it. For someone so small, Louis has eyes of steel. He can be quite intimidating.

''I owe him so much.'' Zayn sighs as he puffs out a smoke ring. Niall is in awe.

''Wow, you can do that? You're like Gandalf, mate.'' Niall says. Zayn chuckles, his mood so much better when in the presence of someone so innocent.

''Here, I'll do it again.'' He does it again and Niall watches in fascination.

''I have to say if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have gotten through to Louis tonight.'' Liam says.

''I had to push him, it was the only way.'' Zayn says as he finishes off his second cig.

''I'm sorry you had to bring that up. It mustn't have been easy for you.'' Harry says sympathetically.

''No, it's alright.'' He says as he turns to Harry. ''I've brought it up a couple of times before with him, when I tried to convince him to call the police. Maybe then, I just wasn't convincing enough, still trying to get over it, I guess.''

''He probably saw right through you.'' Liam puts in, knows how it feels. Zayn exchanges a glance with him through the front view mirror.

''Yeah,'' Zayn agreed. ''I'm just glad I'm over it now. He needs us strong, all of us.'' He adds and just like that, their focus shifts to Louis again, hoping that he'll be alright soon.

 

The weekend passes and when school comes around, Louis has a runny nose and is sneezing allover the place. His voice is sore and yet to the girls in their high school, they think its fucking adorable. Harry teases him when he walks with Louis to his locker to get his books and sees post-it notes of ''get well soon'' and lipstick writings with similar sympathetic words allover his locker. Louis blushes and tries to wipe it off, ripping off the little yellow papers one by one as Harry just stands there and laughs.

They walk to lunch and Zayn is not there yet, much to Louis' concern. Harry has to rub his back to get him to eat and just when he was about to, he sees Zayn walking up to them in fast, long strides, looking as luscious as ever. Harry cannot believe how obvious the girls are being, their heads moving in one direction as they follow Zayn's stride to their table. It's actually a bit sickening and he doesn't know how Perrie can be so complacent.

Or maybe she does know because as soon as Zayn reaches them, he throws a ''hey boys'' before he lip-locks with Perrie before he's even sat down. The kiss is so obvious that Perrie's friends from the other table actually cat-whistle all the way through.

''Zayn!'' Louis beams when Zayn pulls back, reaching for the empty chair next to him, the one he preserved for Zayn and patting it. Zayn gives him a one-armed hug before he pulls his girlfriend's hand to his lap and takes his seat.

''I have great news.'' Zayn says, pulling out an orange pamphlet from his leather jacket and handing it to Louis. Louis takes it with a confused smile and reads it, Harry peering in from his other side. Harry gets excited as he reads the words, remembers the rush and the feelings of something from long ago.

''Battle of the bands?'' Louis says out loud before he hands the paper to Liam who lets Niall read it with him.

''Yup, Josh called.'' Zayn says as he reaches for one of Louis' chips. ''He said it's happening Monday next week, and that the manager's allowing it to take place at the pub. We have got to join in, mate.''

''Alright, join in.'' Louis says. Zayn shakes his head and Harry can see where this is going, is already smiling at the prospect.

''By 'we' I mean all of us, you and Liam included.'' Zayn says, and Harry can see how excited he is by this, how he's relinquishing playing his cool because of the prospect.

''I am so in.'' Liam says and he and Niall high-five.

''I am so not.'' Louis says immediately after.

''Why?'' the whole table says collectively and they're a bit loud in their dismay that some people turn and look. Louis flushes when he notices.

''Because it’s at 9 pm and I have to work.'' Louis reasons then he softens. ''Sorry, Z. You can win without me, I…''

''No, no.'' Zayn interrupts. ''You are not getting away with this. C'mon, Louis please; just one day, c'mon.''

''Zayn…'' Louis has no words because Zayn doesn't usually ask for much.

''Look, I promise you, when we win…''

''When _you_ win.'' Louis interrupts harshly, not liking the fact that Zayn's already including him like he's agreed to participate.

''When we win.'' Zayn insists and Harry stops himself from laughing as he watches these two battle it out. ''You get to keep my share of the winnings.''

Louis is startled. He is silent as he and Zayn look eye to eye, not breaking contact. Then he stands.

''Give me that.'' he rips the pamphlet from Niall and reads again, thinking that maybe he's missed something before his eyes widen comically.

''25,000 pounds?'' he whispers, full of disbelief. Liam and Niall's eyes are twinkling. They know Louis won't ever do it for the money but they all know he needs it despite himself.

''Yup and my share is your share.'' Zayn announces proudly.

''Mine too.'' Harry puts in.

''Same here.'' Liam and Niall say in unison. Harry and Zayn laugh at them but Louis is looking at them with a frown.

''Oh so what? I'm now your collective charity case?''

''Again with the pity?'' Liam says exasperatedly. ''Mate, how many times do we have to say it?''

''Lou, c'mon.'' Harry says when Louis lets go of the pamphlet and folds his arms with a pout. ''You know we don't need the money but we know you do. Besides, we can't wait for you to give us rides with your brand new car which you'll be able to buy after this.'' Harry adds, knows it will have the designated effect. He's right, because Louis smiles despite himself and looks at Harry fondly,

''Wait, you're buying a car? What kind?'' Zayn asks, excited for Louis.

''The cheap kind.'' Louis says with an eye roll. ''The one that has a functioning engine.''

''Well, I demand shotgun the first ride out.'' Zayn says.

''Nope!'' Harry is quick to retaliate. ''I already got dibs on that.''

''Since when?'' Zayn is scandalized.

''Since forever, duh.''

''What? That's not even a proper answer.'' Zayn retorts.

''Guys, you're getting way ahead of yourselves.'' Louis interrupts their childish bickering. ''This is all assuming you win this competition in the first place.''

''What, you’re not going to help us win?'' Niall says with big baby puppy blue eyes and it’s the perfect killer combo.

''Oh no, don't give me that face. Why are you giving me that face?'' Louis whines.

''Please, Looooooooooouuu!'' Niall pouts as he clasps his hands and begs Louis in the most adorable way ever that Perrie is cooing at the sight.

''You are a horrible man if you refuse such a face.'' She tells Louis sternly.

''What the…? Hey, not you too!''

But it's too late because Harry is following Niall's pose, pouting and giving Louis his best puppy dog eyes.

''Please, darling boobear?'' he begs, batting his eyelashes and protruding his lower lip for extra effect. Louis groans at the sight and is smiling despite himself but still shaking his head. Liam and Zayn give each other a wicked look before they follow suit.

''Pleeeeeeeeease!!!!"' Zayn and Liam chorus as they also clasp their hands and pout at Louis.

''Oh God, you are all evil monsters!'' Louis groans at his four idiots. Perrie is too busy laughing, sitting back and enjoying the view. Louis looks at his best mates as they prolong the 'e' in 'please', before he sighs and gives up.

''Fine, fine! I'm in! Enough already!''

''Woohooo, yesssss!!!'' they all exclaim and high-five and they're quite loud and drawing attention. Louis puts his head in his heads, wondering how on earth he yielded.

''Never underestimate the luck of the Irish.'' Niall exclaims with his deep Mullingar accent.

''You are a wicked, wicked man.'' Louis says with faux-scorn that has Niall laughing. Harry wraps a fond arm around Louis and jostles the stiffness out of his frame.

''C'mon, Lou. You'll enjoy it.''

''I know.'' Louis sighs dramatically then giggles at the prospect. ''Just have to call my boss and tell him I'm sick. Again.''

''You are sick.'' Harry points out.

And right on cue, Louis sneezes. Then he sneezes again before Harry hands him over a tissue.

''I'm going to sound terrible.'' He says after he blows his nose.

''Nope, we'll pump you up with cough drops and cold syrup and get you proper ready.'' Liam says. ''We're gonna kill it, I just know it.''

''Listen up, you guys!!''

It takes them by surprise when they find Zayn standing on his chair and calling the attention of the entire lunch hall.

''What are you doing?'' Louis hisses as he tries to pull him down but Zayn doesn't budge as he calls on his fellow classmates' attention. Louis looks to Perrie for her help.

''Control your boyfriend, will you?''

''Nah, I think he looks quite cool.'' Perrie just sits back and watches as her boyfriend silences the lunch hall, and it's easy when half the girls of the student body are his admirers and the other half are Harry and Louis' admirers.

''Okay, so I've got an announcement to make.'' Zayn starts much to Liam and Niall's amusement, Harry's surprise and Louis' chagrin. ''As I'm sure most of you know, the students of Austin high are our number one enemy, yeah?''

A big, fat, masculine ''yeah'' comes from the table of the soccer players and other athletes followed by nods and agreement from the rest of the students.

''And I don't know if you know this, but the boys here along with myself usually sing at this pub next to Seamus'?''

A collective 'yeah' comes from a group of girls followed by cat whistles and an 'I love you, Zayn' from the back of the lunch hall.

Zayn laughs but he continues on.

''Sorry, love but I'm taken.'' He says much to Perrie's obvious pride before he picks up the pamphlet and shows it. ''Anyway, this weekend, we get the change to battle it out against Austin and other high schools in this epically awaited, much anticipated, most exciting…drum roll please.'' He tells the boys. Harry, Louis, Liam and Niall all drum roll their hands on the table with much anticipation as the rest of the students hold their breath. They hate Austin high with a passion so any chance to get at them is a given.

''Battle of the bands!!!!'' Zayn announces.

They win the crowd and every body is on board as Zayn takes out pamphlets from his notebook, much to Louis' shock and throws them in the air for people to collect and boy did they collect! Scrambling around for the orange-colored pamphlets and handing them to their mates and friends.

''Tell every one you know!!'' Zayn continues even though Louis is pulling him down from his seat. ''Tell every one to come. This is battle of the bands, people. Don't miss it!!!''

 

And so it was that the boys took advantage of soccer break to practice. They took up the pub's basement so that as soon as they wrap up, Zayn goes easily to work. The pub's manager, Mr. Paul Higgins is very excited, gives them free tea and cookies as they practice, sometimes watching them from the door and giving them encouragement. Louis recovers, thanks to a lot of soup and killer cough drops. He's excited despite his initial reaction as he's never been part of such an event before. Harry was and so he coaches them, gives them advice.

Its one of Harry's fondest times as he listens to Louis working his magic on the keys and it's breathtaking. It saddens him when he discovers from Niall that Louis had to sell off his piano, the one that his mom bought for him when he was fourteen, in order to pay off Niall's debt and Niall tells Harry that he's been saving up to buy Louis a new one. Harry loves him for it, says he wants to pitch in too, much to Niall's delight.

Liam keeps them up to date with his mom and the lawyer, says that his mother is really putting her heart into it. Louis had asked Eleanor whenever she went to fetch his sisters, to bring them to Liam's house instead as a subtle way to get the girls to get used to Karen and identify with her more. He doesn't tell the girls, just lets it play out and he almost chokes when Karen hugs him at one point and whispers to him that she loves him like a son already.

He's been getting that a lot these days, from Anne too. Every time Louis finishes his housework early and Harry calls him to check if he's alright, Anne would grab the phone and say hi before she starts a conversation with him, asking how he's doing and because she doesn't know- as Harry had insisted to Louis- it makes it all the more touching for him.

 

The night of the event, Lottie asks her dad if she and her sisters could have a sleep over at a friend's place. Louis keeps his eyes on his meal as he waits for the answer. He had practiced with Lottie on this because he wants them out of the house during the big event. Frank agrees, tells Louis to bring them and it sends a shiver down Louis' spine because that's the first time he's been spoken to since who knows how long but he nods his head in compliance and focuses instead on this little victory.

 

Throughout the big day, every body in school keeps giving them encouragement, from back pats to shout-outs to little notes stuffed into the holes of their lockers. Louis is giddy and excited. Niall is rubbing off on him, bouncing off the walls. Liam and Danielle are snogging more often than not like it's some kind of good luck ritual And Zayn is quiet and content, keeping his cool. Harry is just taking it all in, thanking his fellow classmates. His charm is like a Christmas tree, making the girls drool over him and he's ever more excited with every passing hour.

They agree to go home first and rest and just arrive an hour before the event which starts at around 9 pm. Louis agrees as he needs to help Fizz with some kind of project then get back home and prepare his dad's meal and do the housework.

Harry goes with him to Liam's, following behind in his car. He does his homework while watching Louis and Karen make Fizz's volcano for her science project. He doesn't know how Louis finds the strength, how he can find the time and then he realizes that Louis rarely ever finds time for himself. He can't help but wrap an arm around Louis' waist when the boy gets close enough to reach, can't help but throw him a smile when they catch each other's eyes. He can't help but love him so much.

After they're done, Harry drives Louis home. Louis assures him that Eleanor is lending him her car so he can drive to the pub when's done, says that Eleanor is having a girls' night with Danielle before they head to the pub as well. So Harry doesn't worry, is in no rush to run back to his house and change then get back to Louis since he already has a ride for himself.

''See you soon then.'' Louis says as he kisses Harry's temple before bouncing out of the car.

''Love you.'' Harry calls and watches with fondness as Louis blows him an air-kiss before he enters the house. Harry waits a minute to settle his heart, always constricting whenever Louis enters that place Louis calls home, before he starts his car and drives. Its 6 pm and it's quite dark already so he turns on the headlights and drives through the snow, sniffing at the cold weather.

 

The moment he entered the house, Louis knew something was wrong. There was the smell of fresh beer allover the place and though that is not new –no matter how many times he sprays the house to get rid of the smell, he never succeeds- he just knows something's different. He drops his bag to the floor and approaches the kitchen carefully. He heaves a sigh of relief when he finds that no one is there. Trying to ease off the tension, he gets to work immediately. He gathers all the littered cans of beer from the living room, the packs of cigarette allover the coffee table and throws them in a big black plastic bag. He vacuums the floor, taking in all the cigarette buds and ashes and plastic wrappers of Malboro Lights. He then gathers up his step-dad's coats and shirts and puts them in the laundry. He goes to his step-dad's room to draw out a new suit for him to wear the next day, only to find his step-dad lying there on the bed.

He loses his breath for a second when he notices that Frank's hand is lazily over the bed side, his fingertips grazing over a beer bottle. He's still in his coat, still wearing his shoes. Louis sighs, relieved that if the man is drunk then he won't be waking up soon. Louis doesn't bother entering, leaves the man alone and heads down the stairs. He continues with his chores, trying not to wonder why his step-dad's car is not outside and why on earth is he early home. He busies himself with sweeping the floor and spraying the living room with air-wash before he heads to the kitchen. He starts cooking fajitas, something that Harry taught him and it puts a warm smile on his face. He puts the ready-made food in the microwave then heads upstairs.

Its 6:45 pm and he has to get ready in 15 minutes. He takes a quick shower, doesn't bother shaving his two-day stubble then puts on the outfit he had prepared early morning; a gray plain sweater he borrowed from Harry and his one and only pair of skinny black jeans. He fixes his hair into its fly-away style, Harry's favorite look on him then steps out of his room, putting his ear buds in for some relaxing music.

As he's about to leave, he feels a shiver. He's right in front of his step-dad's room and he realizes that the window is open. He goes inside to close it, his eyes constantly on the sleeping man behind him. He's about to leave when something falls upon the air of his movement. He looks down and notices a piece of paper, official looking. He frowns, picks it up and out of curiosity, reads.

Coldplay is still playing as his eyes widen upon reading the words 'irreconcilable differences' and 'divorce' then the big one; his mother's signature. His hands tremble as he reads her name over and over again then he looks back and sees the envelope on the bedside table. He snatches it and reads the date.

A month.

It's been a whole month since the letter arrived, right around the time his step-dad stopped talking to him.

He searches through the envelope but there's no note, nothing. He goes back to reading the official-looking paper, searching for anything and is not aware that the man behind him had sat up, looking groggily, angrily at the back of his son.

Louis is too busy reading the part of the children custody, where it says that his mother wants full custody of all of them and in the lines below, it is written that his step-dad will be hearing word soon from a lawyer in order to make arrangements.

Cold Play is going into chorus as Frank snarls and almost bears his teeth, too pissed because he knows what Louis is reading, knows that all this is Louis' fault because he's the biggest reminder of his wife, soon to be his x-wife if he signs the papers and no, he will not do that. God can damn him but he will not relinquish his children, not after she left him, not after leaving her son too, who isn't even his child let alone his responsibility anymore. He had sold off his car today to pay for a lawyer to revoke this divorce thing because he sure as hell won't allow it.

Louis flips the stapled papers, doesn't care that the envelope falls to the floor and his heart plummets when he doesn't find his step-dad's signature. He looks at the side table and sees a pen and wonders if he should do it. But then he realizes that where his step-dad's head should be is no longer there.

''You know,'' he hears it over Chris Martin's voice but he is too afraid to turn off the music, his fingers now shaking. ''You little piece of shit, this is all your fucking fault.''

He doesn’t have time to recover or turn around because right before he does, a kick to his back makes him stumble forward and he lands flat on the floor. He rips off the ear buds now as his-step dad towers over him, too drunk and too angry, wrath and coldness in his eyes.

''You know, she called me, that whore.'' He says, approaching Louis as Louis crawls back on his elbows, trying to get away.

''Told me she wants her kids back, doesn't want to fight, wants a clean divorce. Told me how you've begged her to come home, how you've finally knocked some sense into her, asked if I was hurting you.'' He laughs mirthlessly. ''Do you know, how disrespectful that is, breaking up my home that I provided and running around behind my back and running your mouth to her about how I discipline my children? Like she'll know how to raise you better.''

''Please, don't hurt me.'' Louis begs as his back hits the dresser.

''Hurt you?'' Frank says with scorn as he cracks his knuckles. ''You don't know the type of pain you've inflicted on me, boy. Disrespect and lying are not something I will tolerate under my roof. And you're going to get every piece of shit you fucking deserve.''

Louis runs for it, doesn’t wait for another round of spiteful words, he just ups and heads for the door, hoping he'll make it, hoping, just hoping….

 

''Where the hell is he?'' Harry says impatiently as he walks up and down the basement, back and forth as he dials Louis' number again. The couch where they sat on when they needed a break from practicing is empty. The chairs where they sat on to sing are empty as they're all standing, too on edge. Niall is biting off his nails. Zayn is watching Harry and Liam keeps looking at the time. Its 9:30 pm and they're the fourth set. Two bands have already performed and time is dwindling.

The door opens and they all whip their heads and turn around. It's Danielle and she sympathizes with their worried looks.

''There's a blizzard out there.'' She says as she links hands with Liam. ''Maybe he's stuck in traffic due to the bad weather.''

''I'm calling again.'' Harry says when the phone dead ends.

''How bad?'' Liam asks his girlfriend.

''Well, the place is packed; people getting in and filling every corner to stay out of the cold.'' Danielle offers.

''He should've been here earlier, much earlier.'' Harry mutters, knows that if the blizzard only hit now then Louis should've been here ages ago.

''He's not picking up.'' He says as he thuds on the coach, his head between his hands and he's sure he's about to cry.

''Get out there, yeah?'' Liam says to Dani gently. ''Don't want you to lose your seat.''

''Okay.'' Dani says quietly but then she hesitates. ''Um, what do I tell El? She's really worried too. She assured me that she had filled up the car tank before she left so that he wouldn't get stranded.''

''Tell her we're on it.'' Liam offers diplomatically. Dani smiles, pecks him on the chin before she gives them one look and leaves.

''This has nothing to do with the car.'' Zayn says as soon as the door closes.

''I'm dialing the house phone.'' Liam says as he gets his phone out of his pocket and punches the numbers.

Harry feels the couch dip and a hand around his shoulders. He looks up and sees Niall, their eyes mirroring each other with tears on the verge of falling.

''He'll be alright.'' Niall offers quietly. Harry smiles sadly, grateful for the gesture even though it's not doing anything to comfort him.

''No one's picking up.'' Liam says, his strength wavering.

''Dial Eleanor's house number.'' Zayn offers, standing by Liam's side with his arms crossed. They've done all this already, dialed every number they can think of but they're doing it again for lack of anything better to do. Harry wanted to ride out to Louis' house but the blizzard outside made that option too late. Liam dials again even though he knows no one will pick up because Eleanor had brought her family over to watch her boyfriend perform but he's hoping that maybe Louis is there for some unfathomable reason, maybe looking for her car keys or something, anything.

''Damn it. No one is pic…''

_Isn't she lovely?_

_Isn't she wonderful_

_Isn't she…_

''Hello?'' Harry says hurriedly as he answers his phone, standing up all of a sudden.

''You’re up, kids. C'mon.'' Nick says, the host of the event. Harry hangs up and conveys the message.

''Okay, we'll just sing one song.'' Liam says. ''Screw the rest. We need to put Louis first, yeah?''

They nod in agreement and with their spirits low, they go out there. Liam sings Louis' parts and they get John to play Louis' piano parts. Harry can't help looking at the door, hoping that Louis will bust in at any moment and sing with them the second song they had prepared in case the crowd demanded an encore. But Louis doesn't show and they're not their best at all without him.

They bow and don’t comply when the crowd asks for a second performance. Liam walks up to Dani's table and apologizes to Eleanor, tells her that Louis is stuck in the blizzard and won't make it. It’s a lie and he knows it but it eases the disappointment in the girl's eyes because even though she loves Louis a lot, Liam can tell she's a bit embarrassed for brining her family over only to not have her boyfriend around. Then they just get back to the basement, back to where Harry had left his phone on the couch and shit, its ringing.

Harry races for it, cuts off Steve Wonder and answers the call without looking at the caller ID.

''Hello?'' he says hurriedly, out of breath, the boys surrounding him in anticipation.

''Haz…'' a weak voice whispers, ragged and torn.

''Lou baby!'' Harry is choked up, his tears falling freely. ''Tell me what's wrong, please.''

''H…mm, I…m.''

''What?'' Harry asks, presses loud speaker because he can barely hear Louis. The boys around him are standing too close, their nerves on edge. There's wind coming from the other end of the line.

''Is he outside? Louis, are you outside? Where are you?'' Liam asks hurriedly.

''Ugh…''

''Louis, I love you. Please tell me what's wrong.'' Harry begs, clutching the phone with both hands.

''Bleedin…''

The silence followed by their collective gasps is shattering. The air is suddenly dense and hot despite the cold and their stares are wide and glassy. Harry is sure something just cracked inside him, and he is not kidding, he is not trying to be dramatic about it. He can almost taste it in his mouth, the dryness, the numbness in his bones.

''Oh God.'' Niall mutters, his tears now faster than Harry's.

''I'm coming, baby.'' Harry says hurriedly before he grabs his coat and runs like a maniac. He's running, keeping his phone glued to his ear as he pushes past people and goes out by the back door. Liam steers him towards his jeep which he borrowed from his dad, still thinking logically and minding that they're going to be driving through a blizzard. He buckles Harry in the passenger seat next to him as the boy keeps talking, unaware of his limbs so Liam has to mind them for him. Zayn and Niall hit the backseat and they're off, driving into the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG Loueeeeeeeeeeehhhh!!!!!!! my fingers were shaking editing this!
> 
> title chapter inspired by ''in the ghetto'' a song famed by the king; Elvis Presely


	23. Bleeding Love

My hands are cold.

I'm cold.

Cold, always cold. 

Louis repeated it slowly in his head until the word lost its meaning. He’d been doing that for a long time now, repeating words until he forgot what they meant and the letters jumbled together.

Sorry, please, help, tired, hurt…all reduced to syllables.

It was only Harry that never really lost its meaning no matter how many times it slid around inside his skull or maybe because earlier on, before his thoughts became one-word sentences, he thought about how much Harry must be disappointed with him for not leaving soon enough. God knows he is.

To say that he got the worse beating in his life is probably an understatement. To say that his step-dad beat him so badly that he thought he was going to die, that's even a bigger understatement because Louis never really got that far ahead when these things happened and now that it did, he doesn't know what to think. He's pretty sure, that if he does make it, that the way his step-dad battered him this time will definitely stand out clearly. But then again, he sees that around him is blood-covered snow so maybe his chances are not that good.

God, he's aching allover, in dreadful pain. His step-dad's fists had pounded on him like a punching bag but worse, a punching bag that he was so fond of punching that he didn't seem like he wanted to stop and he really thought that this time, he wouldn't, like he was making up for a whole month of not touching him. God, how stupid he was when he tried to wriggle to get away, curl up to protect himself but his step-dad, especially in his drunken state, was just too strong.

Louis knew from previous experience that if he just lay there and took it, his step-dad will stop eventually, get tired of him. But this time, it was like he was possessed. When he dared to take a peak amidst the beating, all he could see was that his step-dad's eyes were ablaze with anger that they seemed to be popping out of his head. Sweat was running down his forehead and there was froth around his mouth as he kept going.

At one point, despite the pain in his legs, he attempted to run again but he stumbled at the last second and fell down the stairs. He didn't fly over it this time, but he was like a barrel as he rolled down and landed badly on his hand, making a popping sound followed by a scrunch, like caused a shrill involuntary scream to leave his lungs. He slid against the carpet when his dad threw something at him, something heavy and sharp and he felt his bones snap as he hit the ground.

He remembers being dragged, he remembers not being able to stay quiet any longer, how he let go of his pride and started to scream for mercy but it was no good; his step-dad was not listening.

Frank rained blow after blow and kick after kick that every part of Louis' body was burning with pain. He remembers being lifted from the ground by his hair and how he felt his scalp coming away from his head before he was smashed against the kitchen counter.

He remembers when his body hit the snow, how he flew over the balcony steps and landed with a heavy thud along with another part of him breaking and him letting out a white scream of pain. No one would hear him; he knows Eleanor and her family are at the pub and that he is under his step-dad's wrath on his own. But he couldn't help but cry for help, couldn't help but wail as Frank growled, irritated by him.

He doesn’t remember when it stopped, doesn't remember hearing those steel-tipped boots fading in the distance. He just lay there in a heap, his blood coloring the snow and when he tried to get up, tried the slightest of movements, he screamed out with pain. So, he lay out there in the cold, paralyzed for hours.

It got dark when the lights inside the house turned off. Louis didn't have to touch his face to know that it was caked with blood, didn't have to reach out to touch his legs or arms to know that they were raw with cuts and throbbing with bruising. He lay there on his stomach, unable to pull himself into a position where he could lie on his side so that his knees could get close to his chin and protect his stomach from the cold because no, he couldn't move.

He cried for a while but he had to stop because the salt of his tears stung his wounds unbearably. He could hardly breathe and this made him start to panic because he is sure multiple things inside him broke and maybe now, they're starting to take effect. However, his panicking wasn't helping because it made his side and back hurt even more. His labored breathing was punctuated by his shuddering groans.

He doesn't know how much time passed but he was now numb with cold. He tries to think about the warmth of the pub, of nice beer and the warm company of friends to ease the cold but that didn't last for too long. His breathing got very shallow and he could feel two stabs in his back every time he took a breath. He starts to feel drowsy, and thinks, 'this is it, he's dying'. He feels so weak and limp, much to his dismay and the only thought that could comfort him was that at least his sisters were not home because he was too physically battered and emotionally drained that he really wouldn't care if they went to bed without dinner tonight. But hey, at least they are safe, right?

Louis eyes' feel stiff, snow flakes landing on his lids but he saw something shining at the corner of his eye and when he blinked, he noticed it was Harry's crucifix, lying a few inches away from his cheek and still around his neck. He couldn't smile at it because it hurt his face too much or maybe the snow had frozen him, he's not sure.

He wonders if he should pray because maybe this really is it but then again he hasn't prayed in a long time and so he did what he liked to do best; he thought about the people he loved. He thought about Niall and hoped that he will be proud of his teeth when he gets his braces gone. He thought about the mistakes he's done in the past and how he's in the clear now and it makes him so proud. He prays Niall stays in the clear always and never falls back to his old ways.

He thought about Liam and prays he and Dani marry and have wonderful babies, that he won't be blaming himself for this. He hopes Zayn and Perrie last as well, prays that Zayn never forgets his strength and never forgets how wonderful he is, that he is beyond his looks. He prays for his sisters, hopes they grow up to become fine young women with college degrees, wonderful jobs and prays they never marry a man like their father. He prays for his girlfriend, prays she finds a better man than him, a man who can put her first all the time, a man who will treat her right and never lay an ill-hand on her.

He prays for Harry, sweet loving Harry who belongs with the angels and all their good deeds. He prays he forgets about him when this is all over, that he moves on and lives a wonderful life. He prays for a girl to charm him because he fears for Harry remaining single and God forbid that happens.

Then, when he was done relaying all this to the crucifix, he closed his eyes only to be startled awake by a phone buzzing by his hip. He lets it ring, too numb to move but it's being persistent. He knows it must've been ringing before, that his friends are probably worried but then again, he was too busy getting hit that he didn't find the time to pick it up.

He hears the phone inside his house ring after that and that has him quaking with fear, afraid that his step-dad might come back down to pick up the phone, remember that his step-son is still out there in the balcony alive and start hitting him again and Oh God, he can't go through that again. The phone inside keeps ringing and he starts to mutter out loud that he did not want to die. He couldn't even feel any of his injuries any more as he was so gripped with panic. The drowsiness had left him but no matter how hard he tries, he could not get his fingers near his head to reach out and hold the crucifix like he did on so many nights, because he needs it. He needs to think of Harry and his promises that he'll take care of him.

He feels something color his vision, like maybe there's a stripe near his eye that was leaking but he wasn't sure. The phone stops ringing and he groans instead of sighing out with relief. Old thoughts start occupying his mind; his step-dad's yelling, his ugly words. He remembers how he caved in, how he was blurting out anything to make him stop. He opens his eyes and sees the snow turning red under his head, like a halo of blood, red snow in a circle all around him.

He tries to account for all his limbs but all he could come up with was an account for all his injuries. His wrists are probably broken, again. His ankle is probably sprained, again. His shirt is probably soaked with blood, and definitely soaked in melted snow. He tries to catch a glimpse of the crucifix again but he could barely see, because there's blood dripping down both eyes now from a cut on his head. And for some reason, he couldn’t decide if he was burning or freezing, like everything hurt, and nothing did all at the same time.

Somehow that scared him and so he tries to flex his fingers on one hand. He couldn't feel it move but he can see it moving. With great difficulty, he reaches down to his pocket and pulls out his phone but his hand's so limp that it gave way and his phone lands with a thud by his head. It lights up when it lands and Louis sees all of Harry's missed-calls, sees Harry's face pointing his tongue at him with frosting on the tip of his nose. He smiles or in this case grimaces as he remembers that day in the bakery when he had visited Harry one weekend morning and how he had teased Harry for being one to lick frostings off of muffins before devouring them. He'd snapped a photo of him when he stuck his tongue out because Harry was just adorable when he ate muffins. He just was.

Suddenly, Louis thinks he owes Harry a goodbye, owes him a big massive thank you for being a beacon of happiness and carefree days in his life, for trying so hard even though he failed and Louis couldn’t blame him, he never will.

So, with his shaking pointer finger, he swipes at the screen and speed-dials. He closes his eyes and waits. He doesn’t know how long his eyes were closed but when he hears that hello, he still couldn't open them and he has no idea how he found his voice but then again, he's not sure of anything anymore.

 

''Louis? Louis, talk to me. Talk to me angel, c'mon.'' Harry makes an effort to speak softly, he really tries but Louis had only uttered two words since he picked up, just 'Haz' and 'bleedin' and the rest were groans and nonsensical words and its making Harry panic more than he already is.

Liam is driving as fast as he can and as safe as he can. The weather is shit, even though the blizzard has lightened up, the headlights were doing very little to guide them and the windscreen wipers were slow and doing very little to ease the glass from fogging up. Zayn and Niall were butting heads as they tried to squeeze into the space between the seats so Zayn ended up putting Niall on his lap so they can both share the space. Each of them in turn tried to get Louis to say something more than just groans and moans but Niall is not making much sense because he's crying too much and Zayn's voice is trembling whenever he utters a word. Harry is practically screaming, sobbing and wiping at his eyes every few minutes. He keeps it up, though, he has to.

''Louis? My love? My lovely darling, I know you can’t talk, but just like, if you can say one word, can you please do that for me? Please?”

''’m c-cold…''

Their strangled gasps are warped with pain and a very little sense of victory at this but Harry doesn't stop.

''I know, I know you are and I swear, I'll wrap you up in the fuzziest of blankets and the warmest of sweaters as soon as I get to you which is really, really soon. I'll kiss your precious hands and lovely feet and warm them up for you.'' Harry's voice is clogging up again so Zayn takes over.

''I'll give you my power rangers blanket, I know you really like that one and I'll make you the best Yorkshire tea ever. I'll make four, five cups a day, every day if you want.'' Zayn's voice gives out too.

''I'll make you pancakes, Louis.'' Niall dives in. ''I'll make mountains of it with honey and chocolate syrup that will make your teeth rot.'' And that's as much as Niall lasts before Harry has to take over. Liam doesn't speak because if he tries, he will lose it and he needs to keep driving because all their promises will go in vain if they don't get to Louis first.

''I love you, I love so much, Louis.'' Harry starts but then Louis groans again. ''C'mon, say another word, darling. Tell me where you're hurting.''

''Ugh.'' He hears a strangled breath like Louis is suffocating on air.

''I know, baby. I know you're hurting and I’d kiss away every hurt if I could, love. I’d hold your face in my hands and I’d kiss you until you’re happy and cuddly again. It’s going to be okay. That’s what I’d tell you. It isn’t okay now, but it will be. Okay? Please, say okay.''

''Kay.''

''Yes, that's right.'' Harry is crying again but then again, he never stopped because he feels so unbearably helpless right now. ''You'll be okay. God, I’m really sorry that I'm not there yet, darling, that I can’t stop this from hurting soon enough. The minute I get there though, I'll do something about it, yeah? Because you are a beautiful, funny boy, and you don’t deserve any of this. Nobody does. But especially not you.''

''Haz…'' Louis says softly. He has to repeat it before Harry gets it fully. ‘’Hazzie…’’

''Yeah, baby? I'm right here. I'm on my way, I promise.''

''Help.'' Louis begs tearfully, a groan followed by a broken moan ensues and Harry feels like it's tearing something inside him, hearing Louis' pain like that and being so far away still.

''I'm on my way, baby. I swear I'm on my way. God help me. God help me, please.'' Harry pulls at his hair and sobs because this is fucking horrible; Louis calling him for help and him not being there to give it.

''Please, hang in there, Lou.'' Zayn pleads. ''Please, just don't…God, just a couple more minutes and we'll be there, babe. Please keep thinking of us, I know you like that. Can you do that, huh?''

''Yours. ‘M yours.'' Louis breathes out. God, why is he so out of breath?

''Yes, always.'' Harry says hurriedly as he regains a bit of his voice. ''You’re our beautiful funny boy,'' he says soothingly. “Our sweet little angel-faced boy that we’ve got permanent dibs on, that nobody else gets to have except us because you're ours. We love you, baby. I love you.''

''Love y…'' he doesn’t finish it, his words masked by a painful, shallow intake of breath.

''I know, darling. You don't have to say it back. I know.''

''I...I need…''

''Need what? Tell me what you need? As soon as I get there, I'll give it to you, anything you want.'' Harry looks around and they're still on the road. Shit.

Louis doesn't reply.

''Louis? Lou baby, are you there?''

Nothing, just wind passing him by. Harry panics.

''Louis?!!''

''Ugh.'' Louis' barely audible.

''Oh God, Liam please hurry up.'' Harry pleads with a bout of fresh tears.

''Five more minutes.'' Liam says with a nod, his voice trembling. ''Tell him.''

''Liam says five more minutes, Lou. Just five more minutes and we'll be there.''

''Hmm….''

''Hey, how about one word for every minute, yeah? C'mon, give me one word, darling. I know you can. Tell me, what my last name is?''

''S-Styles.''

''There you go, now my turn. You're my adorable little prankster, the king of the best jokes ever and I love how you're so whacky and quirky, how your inappropriate puns are just staggering. I love that about you.''

''Ugh…'' Harry can hear his teeth grind. He must be freezing. The mental image is too much.

''No, c'mon. Another word. Here, Zayn, give him an idea.'' Harry says with unthinking force, his hands shaking.

''Um, how about your favorite Bradford bad boy? Who's that?'' Zayn asks, his voice choked.

''…''

''Louis, please.'' Harry urges.

''S'ry.'' Harry can feel Louis' guilt for slipping away.

''No, shh, darling, don't be. Not your fault.''

''…''

''Louis, don't do this.''

''…''

''Oh God, Lou baby, don’t slip away. C'mon.''

''…''

''Hey,'' Zayn cries but still no reply. He grips Harry's hand, the one clutching the phone and shouts. ''Hey! Lou, get back here.''

''Lou…'' Niall just sobs as he watches Harry and Zayn exchange urging words.

''We're here.'' Liam announces, startling them out of the blue. Harry looks up and from the headlights, he can see Louis' house. Liam turns the jeep around so that they're facing the road before he stops.

''Alright.'' He says as he takes out the flashlight. It's his dad's jeep so they have no medical supply, nothing. But Liam keeps a straight head and Harry doesn't now how he does it as the rest of them wait for instructions.

''Harry, you come with me.'' Liam says as he hands him the flashlight. ''Niall, you're the second best driver I know.'' He doesn't need to say that Louis is the first best driver he knows because that won't help the situation at all. ''So I need you behind the wheel, ready to take us out of here.'' He knows that the little compliment is enough to boost their Irish friend's confidence and Niall nods, wiping at his face and bracing himself.

''Zayn, hand me that blanket, the one draped on the backseat.'' He says and Zayn obeys, handing it to him swiftly. ''Now, I need you as a look out. Call me as soon as you see something, anything at all that could put Louis in danger. Don't mind us, I don’t care if one of us gets left behind.'' He indicates himself and Harry and Harry has to brace himself for this because he knows Niall will really do it, drive away if he falls back so he takes deep breaths to get himself ready.

''Is that clear to all?'' Liam asks.

They nod then Liam's out the door without so much as a lingering glance. Harry follows behind, switching on the flashlight. The snow is thick and he's glad he's wearing his boots. Liam's fit and his push-ups are coming in handy now as he jogs towards the back of the house where Louis' room is. The house is covered in darkness, not one light inside lit. They approach the tree and then Liam stops Harry.

''Dial.'' He says, pointing at Harry's phone. Harry didn't know that he had hung up and so with shaky, panicky fingers, he dials. It is so quiet but they hear it, the muffled sound of Louis' ringtone which is an electric guitar solo of Justin Beiber's hit song 'baby'. The sound is not coming from up but from somewhere nearer. Harry moves the flash light back and forth as Liam walks ahead, tries to follow the sound, then the flashlight passes by a lump in the snow. Harry shines the light back on it and he gasps as the ringtone dies down.

''Oh God.''

They run towards the lump and sure enough, it's Louis. Liam lands on one side while Harry lands by Louis' head. He lets go of everything, the flashlight, his cell phone and his trench coat, taking it off and draping it over Louis before he bends down to capture Louis' face gently, moving it up ever so slightly.

''Lou…oh God.''

Louis' face is unrecognizable, painted in blood like a warrior and his eyes are closed. Harry feels his heart skip a beat.

''Lou, baby, wake up.'' Harry urges. ''I'm here now, please don't leave me. I'm here.''

''We gotta go, c'mon.'' Liam says, and there are tears in his voice and unshed tears in his eyes. He covers Louis with the blanket and picks up Louis' phone, Harry's and the flashlight, putting the former two in his jeans pocket.

''He doesn't look alive. Liam, we have to...'' Harry is crying and losing it, clutching at Louis' face when Liam pulls him back with a death grip.

''I said c'mon.'' he growls with desperation. He shoves the flashlight to Harry's chest and the latter boy hurriedly picks it up before it drops on Louis' head. Liam takes off his jacket too, puts it aside for now. He is extra gentle as he maneuvers Louis' head and body till he's turned around and huddled in his buff arms. Liam wraps the remainder of Harry' trench coat and blanket around Louis' front, uses his jacket to cover Louis' chest and stomach and Harry is scared by Louis' lifeless form. Liam remains practical even though he's fighting the urge to throw up at the sight of blood forming little rivers around the crooks of Louis' neck. He blinks and focuses on making sure Louis' head is steady on his shoulder before he looks at Harry.

''Get up. Let's go.''

Harry obeys and does it with no questions. Liam then picks Louis up and Harry gives one look to the house before he follows Liam, walking next to him with quick urgent paces. Then, as sudden as they've least expected, Liam's phone vibrates just as a light on the second floor gets switched on. Harry turns off the flashlight immediately.

''Go, ahead, c'mon.'' Liam says sternly.

''No, you first. You got Lou.'' Harry says urgently. Liam cannot walk fast because he cannot jostle Louis, afraid of provoking his injuries but he looks back as another light on the second floor gets switched on and his blood is running cold. Harry looks ahead and sees Zayn's frightened eyes, clear in the light's reflection, looking back at Liam. More lights get turned on but they don't look back this time and when they reach the back door that's already open, Harry lets Liam go in first and right as he's getting in, Niall is already driving that the door flies and Harry flails before he gets it closed. Jesus Christ.

 

As soon as possible, Harry is pulling Louis towards him and getting him on his lap, steadying his head on his shoulder the way he saw Liam do it. God, Louis' body is freezing. How long was he in the snow?

''He's unconscious, why is he unconscious?'' Niall asks with a panic.

''Keep your fucking eyes on the road.'' Liam snaps and Niall is startled but he obeys.

''He's too cold, Liam.'' Harry says with an unsteady voice as Liam reaches for Louis' neck to check his pulse. But his neck is all purple like its broken so he goes for his wrist but it looks funny and his fingers look mangled. He's starting to cry silently when he reaches for the other wrist and finds that it's bruised but more decent looking so he presses two fingers on the inside and checks for a pulse. Shit, it's low, too low.

''Tell us.'' Zayn urges.

''Niall, when you reach exit 21, take a hard left.'' Liam orders; trying to remain in control by controlling everyone else, trying not to break down. ''That will lead you straight to the hosp…''

''I know where the nearest fucking hospital is, can you just tell us if he's alive first?'' Niall snaps and Liam cannot afford for him to lose it when he's the one behind the wheels.

''He's alive but, just hurry up.'' He says quietly as he goes to lift up Louis' shirt and check for injuries. But his eyes widen when he sees that there is too much blood and too much melted snow that he starts taking off his sweater.

''Niall, max up the heat, will you?'' Harry urges when he sees what Liam sees. He cannot hold Louis tight, is doing enough by just holding him up and he watches as Liam takes off his Polo shirt too till he's left in nothing but his under shirt.

''Zayn, c'mon. Take everything off.'' Liam urges.

Zayn obeys and they cover Louis with as much layers as possible. Liam picks up Louis' hands gently, almost not touching at all and blows at them hot puffs of air, trying to keep them warm.

''Take my scarf. C'mon.'' Niall says, unable not to glance back once in a while. Liam reaches out and slides the red long woolen scarf from around Niall's neck and wraps them around Louis' hands in double folds.

Zayn is doing his share. He puts Louis' feet on his lap and takes off Louis' shoes and his own before he removes his own socks. Louis has a tendency not to wear socks but he could be in danger of frost bites so Zayn doesn't care. He slips his checkered socks on Louis' little feet and Liam doesn't stop him when he takes off Liam's shoes and take his socks as well.

It's quiet after that, with Harry humming nonsensical words of comfort to a non-responsive Louis, his tears almost audible. The heat is at its max and the other two keep finding ways to warm Louis up, even though he's all blood and bones and their attempts seem futile. Harry's fingers get covered in blood even though he's not moving them or pressing them against Louis at all. His cheek resting lightly on Louis' hair gets covered in blood as well as his lips from his feathery kisses and his tears don't do a good job at washing them away. Liam is no better at keeping the blood away from his skin and soon, so is Zayn.

Niall takes that hard left and in less than fifteen minutes, the hospital comes in view. They park right in front of it and Zayn is out before the jeep comes to a halt, jogs around and opens the door for Harry. They rush inside and shout at the nurse behind the counter until a rolling bed is brought out and Louis is rushed away into the emergency room.

 

It's quiet between them as they sit in the warm waiting room. Liam has made all the necessary phone-calls and has informed his mom of the new development. He brings back coffee but he smudges blood allover the cups as he takes them out of the carton holding them and that irks the boys so they let it get cold.

Harry doesn't bother wiping the blood off him until the smell gets unbearable and he goes and throws up. Niall helps clean him up, wipes the blood away from his skin with warm water from the sink before thy sit back in the waiting room.

Liam goes for another cup of coffee- he hadn't drank the first one but when he was about to drink the second one, he smells the blood on his hands and he sees Louis again, all crumpled and bloody. His stomach churns and suddenly, he's rushing to the bathroom, spilling the coffee allover the place. Zayn follows him while Harry and Niall pick up napkins and clean up the mess. They hear Liam shouting and screaming in the bathroom, cursing and yelling, hitting the wall and punching something but when they go check, they see Zayn standing guard outside.

''He needs to vent.'' He shrugs, his face serious. So, they let him be and go back to their seats.

When Liam returns, he's quiet; his eyes bloodshot like the rest of them with blood on his knuckles. Zayn calls for someone to stitch him up, the same person who gave them clothes as they were mostly underdressed, so it's just the three of them alone in the waiting room.

They stay long past midnight and even though they're exhausted, they don't sleep, not even Liam when he returns with bandages covering his knuckles. The nurse behind the counter is sweet on Harry so whenever he asks what's taking so long they get little updates.

''Surgery.'' Harry returns with that one word and that's all he returns with after that. The rest is silent, just numb, horrible nothingness, a seemingly endless occurrence that offered no form of importance.

Harry stared at nothing, at something colorless and it’s the perfect word for the situation because without Louis, everything is bland, everything is colorless. It was also a good way to describe the hiatus that all of his emotions seemed to be on. He’d shut down completely after Louis' blood got wiped off him, but now, with the smell of Louis' blood gone, there he sat like an empty shell, watching and waiting, frightened to feel. Underneath the surface, all of his restrained emotions were simmering, ready to boil over if only he’d let them; panic, fear, misery, anger, shame, longing. And maybe it was a good thing, maybe numbness was good because he saw what the opposite did to Liam and he knows he won't react any better; he'd probably fall, screaming to the floor and sob his heart out; his emotions would overrun him completely, if only he’d let them.

Zayn was quiet and not in a good way. His hands were gripping the edge of his seat and his eyes were far away, sometimes blinking very fiercely, presumably to hold back tears. He looked bewildered, like he didn’t understand how anything this awful could have happened. Niall seemed to be in shock and that was all Harry had to say about him.

God, he missed Louis and it's strange because he'd just seen him earlier in the day, all happy and bouncy and hyperactive and now, this. How did it turn to this? How did the day go from Louis being so happy to Louis getting so hurt? The battle of the bands is out of his mind. Spending the afternoon at Karen's, the drive to Louis' house, all those moments are forgotten and ages away because he can't think of anything else, can’t think of anything but silly, loud and sarcastic Louis who gave the best hugs and the most wonderful kisses and the greatest, outstanding encouragement. Harry wonders if he'll ever see that Louis again.

But Harry loved him anyway, damaged or not. He wanted to sit beside him already and trace patterns up and down his arms, feel the perfect lines of his cheekbones, stroke the arch of his eyebrows and feel the subtle but sharp curve of his jaw. He wanted to kiss his damaged skin and make it all better. He longed to press his lips against his wounds and feel a pulse fluttering beneath his mouth. He wants Louis to be okay.

At around 2 pm, a female doctor comes to the waiting room and it's only them and a single mom dozing off which is something the staff is grateful for, that despite the bad weather, they don't have so many casualties. It's past visiting hours but it's too dangerous to drive outside so they're extending the hours till next morning.

''Louis Tomlinson's?''

They don't hear her at first, too worn out, too lost in their thoughts so she clears her voice and approaches them with confusion when the nurse behind the counter points at them. She clears her throat.

''Louis Tomlinson's…friends?'' she guesses.

Harry looks up at her and is disoriented at first but then he sees her white coat and badge and immediately scrambles to his feet, nudging Niall almost violently and almost bumping into Liam and Zayn as they stand up on wobbly legs.

''How's he doing? How is he? How bad is it?'' They fire rapidly but she gestures with both hands to keep them quiet.

''First of all, I need to speak with a parent or a guardian here. Any family member…''

''My mother is his emergency contact.'' Liam interrupts.

''So is mine.'' Harry says which is true.

''And we're his school mates and his brothers.'' Niall says as he points at himself, Zayn and all of them, really.

The doctor looks at them and it's obvious that they are not brothers but she opens the folder she's been holding. She drops her moon glasses to the bridge of her nose and reads out loud.

''It says here that Liam Payne is Mr. Tomlinson's next of kin and distant relative?''

''Yes, ma'am.'' Liam says, presenting his school ID, darting through the fib like a pro. He and Harry had wanted to make sure, no matter what, that their names would be in Louis' medical folder, even if they had to tell such a blatant lie.

''And Harry styles as well?''

''Yes, that's me.'' Harry does the same as Liam, braving through the lie.

''Why aren't his parents here?'' she asks as she closes the folder.

''His mom left him three years ago and his step-dad did this.'' Liam says, exhilarated by finally telling the truth. ''My mom is planning to adopt his sisters who are having a sleep-over at my house and she'll be here in the morning to pay the bills. You'll see in that file that she paid Louis' medical bills before.''

Dr. Sheryl, as her name tag says, looks at them and sees that they are serious. She opens the folder again, much to their impatience and reads again,

''Karen Payne?''

''Yes, that's my mom. Now can you please tell us what we're dying to know here?'' Liam urges. ''We'll talk to the police later, we'll give statements, anything you want but please tell us that our brother is okay first.''

''Well, he's alive but I'm afraid he's not okay.'' She says sympathetically. She doesn't have a lot of experience with telling sixteen-year-old-looking kids something as traumatizing as what she's about to reveal.

''What do you mean? Didn't you fix him?'' Niall asks with big blue eyes, so innocent and so hurt that Dr. Sheryl feels like a bad person.

''I…I don’t think this is proper, you're just kids.'' She hesitates.

''Look, our names are inside that folder.'' Harry says sternly, tears in his voice. ''And we brought him here, all bloody and bruised and we know more about his domestic abuse than you think so just spare us the procedure talk, will you?''

Dr. Sheryl has no choice, seeing as at least two of them have rights. It would be better if both Liam and Harry's mothers were present but if the file is anything to go by, seeing that Harry and Liam are the patient's relative, she has no right to hide information concerning Louis' well-being from them. Therefore, despite their baby-faced looks, she decides to just get it over with.

''Alright, he's…he's in a bad way and I have to say, you brought him in just in time.'' She starts, breaking them with her words as they stare at her with barely enough control. ''He's got a major concussion from a severe blow to the head, a broken cheekbone and a dislocated jaw. His neck is broken, his left shoulder is dislocated and his left arm is snapped in half. His right wrist is bruised and the ball of bone in his left one is shattered. Three of his fingers on his left hand are broken but we taped them up. As for the lower part of his body, he's got a twisted ankle, his left. He's got a hairline fracture on his right hip, and his left femur is cracked. Not to mention the hundreds of cuts and bruises allover his body, the obvious severe lack of nutrition and the hypothermia. I'm assuming you found him in this bad weather?''

''Yes, his step-father left him to die in the snow.'' Liam says harshly. ''That's where we found him, in the back yard of his house.''

Dr. Sheryl nods as she swallows.

''I'm sorry to hear that but that's not our major concern.''

''You mean there's worse?'' Harry asks in shock. It's like every part of Louis is broken and yet there's more.

''Yes, I'm afraid so.'' She says, trying to be practical and cold. ''We rushed him to surgery due to internal bleeding. He's got a ruptured disc and five of his ribs are broken. Somehow, perhaps because of a fall or severe pressure to his abdominal area, one of his broken ribs moved and punctured his right lung deeply. He was already bleeding from that but he didn't bleed out majorly until he got here, possibly from being moved. With an injury like that, he could've bled to death on the spot, like, at the moment of impact so we're glad he was brought here in time for us to surgically suture the wound.''

''Oh God, I think I'm gonna be sick.'' Niall leaves them and rushes to the bathroom, his hand covering his mouth. Zayn has to sit down and Liam makes way for him to land on the nearest seat.

''I'm sorry you had to hear all that.'' Dr. Sheryl says, looking at them sympathetically

''His step-dad did all that so can you please call the police? We need to speak with them.'' Liam requests, his eyes dim and empty.

She nods; her heart breaking for them. She can never tolerate child abuse, especially when the abuse was from parents. Harry is crying quietly and his voice is a bit muffled but he looks at her anyway because he's not really aware of his tears anymore.

''Can we see him?'' he asks. She nods.

''He's in intensive care on the fourth floor. But please be cautious, no touching and no sudden movements. There will be a nurse present at all times while you're in.''

''Is he still in danger?'' Liam has to ask.

''Yes, his hypothermia is not helping his blood loss and he is in risk of bleeding out again so we're keeping him under surveillance.''

Harry has to nod, tears cascading further down his cheeks. He sniffs and watches as Niall returns. They tell him what he missed while the doctor informs the nurse behind the counter to call the police as well as give other instructions of dire importance. Niall doesn't look better but he takes the extra parts with a nod, keeping his lips sealed.

''Alright, the police are on their way.'' Dr. Sheryl tells them. ''I'll let you know when they arrive. They'll probably need to speak to your mom too.''

''And our lawyer. But no worries, we're prepared.'' Liam assures her though it's more for himself because he wants to get this over with. The worse is far from over but at least now, the part that had been better planned amidst all this can be put to work.     


	24. Porcelain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by ''Beloved'' by thewhitetoymaker and ''you're not alone'' by curly-and-boobear-stylinson. credit goes to the respective writers for any quotations in this chapter from their fics. I tried to edit this as best as i can to contain original material. other than that, enjoy. oh and title of chapter was inspired by a lovely fic called ''porcelain'' by postcardsfromsomewhere which i highly recommend.

Walking into room 206 was not so memorable as actually walking into the room and seeing what lay behind the door. And now, sitting next to Louis and not being able to comfort him with touches, now that is sheer agony.

He didn't look real. In fact, the hospital gown they had put him in was a little too short and cut off just below his knee, exposing two bandaged legs, one of which, the one with the ankle sprain, sat heavily in a thigh cast where his femur broke. There was a pillow below his bruised ankle and his feet looked so small. Against the white of the sheets and the red of the heat compressors they had pressed against his freezing flesh, Louis’ skin had never looked as pale as it did there. It only made looking at his bloodless, ever so bony cheeks that much harder. Between his bruised, chapped lips, an awful white tube had been jammed down his throat, connecting it to a breathing apparatus that sat beside his bedside, next to the heart monitor and IV set. His hands were loose-limp, both wrists bandaged up and three fingers taped though his other fingers were slightly curled at his side, resting lightly on the sheets, like he was still trying to hold onto the voices of his boys regardless of his unconscious state. His left arm was in a cast and really most of his arms up to his shoulders were covered in bandages to heal the haphazard cuts and wounds from shards of glass, as the doctor had stated when Harry had asked. His chest rose and fell so softly it was like he wasn’t moving at all.

Harry didn't think the heat compressors pressed against their friend's lifeless arms and legs, even his feet and under his fingertips were enough. He wanted more of them, because Louis still looked freezing. There were too many needles protruding into him, invading his skin and bloodstream. There was a fat brace placed around his neck that made his face look smaller, a heavy bandage wrapped around his head, almost hiding his eyes from its thickness. God, he looks so in pain.

 

There was a drip set with two many things dripping; blood, morphine, sedatives, who knows what else. Louis was in a medically-induced coma and that was probably for the best because Harry can only imagine how much pain he was actually in, more than on the outside, Harry presumes.

Somewhere in his mind, Harry knew that the drip and the machines were doing Louis all the good he needs right now. He knew that the blood being dripped into his veins would replace what he lost, that the medicine would bring him back to health, that the clear mixture of sedatives and fluids was probably keeping him out of agony and that even the horrendous ventilator was pumping necessary oxygen into his weakened lungs to keep him breathing, keep him alive. Yet he still had to clench his hands into tight fists, his nails digging into the inside of his palms to stop himself from leaping above Louis and jerking the tube out of his mouth because it was choking him, or ripping the bandages off because they were wound too tight and suffocating him. He wanted to pull the needles out of his skin so that when Louis wakes up, he wouldn’t freak out when he noticed them sticking out of his flesh.

Harry almost looked like a petulant child, thinking that if he could remove all of the uncomfortable and scary, prodding and sharp things out of Louis’ body, then his baby would be able to move freely and allow his brothers to cuddle him and make him feel better, not to mention giving Harry free reign like he had promised.

The instant he had stood by his side, Harry felt his head swim and he had to sit down against the feel of vertigo that suddenly took hold of him. He would have sworn he could still smell Louis’ blood right up to his nose as he took a deep breath, still feel the dried, icy crimson flakes between his fingers, and he struggled to swallow down the ugly bile that was suddenly clogging his throat. He felt like scraping his nails up his arms where they hung loosely at his side and it made him look at Louis' fingernails, how his own contrasted with the blue of Louis' fingertips. God, even the tips of his fingers were small. How could anybody hurt this boy? Just, how is that even fucking possible? No matter how many times Harry asked himself that question; he could never come up with an answer decent enough to ease his woes.

Sitting next to him now, Harry is glad he is not allowed to touch because Louis looks so breakable right now, like one touch can really shatter him to fragmented pieces. So he focuses on the fact that he's sitting right next to him at least, and its almost relief in itself, watching Louis in silence, watching him just be. He tried to let himself be comforted by the gentle beeping of the machine which was the only indication that any form of life flickered beneath the surface of Louis’ fragile and papery, bruised and broken skin.

Harry's eyes roved over Louis endlessly, taking every inch of him in with worrisome green eyes. His hands were in his lap, aching to touch and comfort thinking he can do better than the medicine circulating his friend’s bloodstream but at the same time, he's glad he's afraid to touch, glad he's not allowed. Some strange part of him had decided that even if he was allowed, it wouldn't make a difference because just the thought of having his skin brush Louis’, it somehow made him feel like something awful would happen.

For now, Louis was forbidden – a motionless china doll lying in bed with his eyes closed and tubes prodding invasively into him. More fragile and breakable than a shimmering bubble in the sunlight and ten thousand times more beautiful than many endless wonders in the world.

Harry watched with a lump in his throat though, more worried than mesmerized, lost in silent prayers and memories of a happier, safer time, when Louis laughed and didn’t push him away with foul expletives, when there were no desperate words darting between them in the dead of night, words that sounded frightening and terrible, words that inspired some kind of deep-rooted panic in Harry’s chest and abdomen, causing his heart to plummet to the pit of his stomach and obstinately linger there, keeping him on edge, one foot keeping him balanced on the rail.

God, he was almost afraid to even look. It felt like if he stared too hard, hoped too desperately, held on too strongly, loved deeper than before, then it would all just brim over and lead to reckless actions. He was having trouble keeping his anger from falling over at the sight of the black, purplish bruises allover Louis' face as well as his cut, swollen lips because the sheer force of his terror might shatter Louis into thousands of mutilated, scattered, irregular parts, breaking him as easily as a sheet of glass. Harry could only imagine how lost he’d feel because he wouldn’t know what to do or how to gather all these parts back in shape, how to find clearness in his head to pick the pieces of Louis up from the floor, arrange him back together like a jigsaw puzzle. How his soul would bleed out through the small corners of his eyes and form rivulets down his face, like diamonds glistening on the brink of each dazzling green iris. How his grief would turn the scarlet as colorless as Louis’ ventilator tube or Louis’ shallow breaths down the phone line. It’s too much to feel so he decides to divert his eyes for a while and look at something else.

He sees Zayn sitting on the other side of Louis, opposite him. He's got Niall on his lap, his blonde head dozing off on Zayn's shoulder. There were only four plastic chairs available, but the nurse sat in one of them, reading a magazine and getting up every once in a while to check up on Louis' vitals or change his drip. Therefore, two boys had to share whereas Liam sat next to him, not asleep but keeping his eyes closed.

Liam would sometimes open his eyes in a start, a quiet gasp escaping his lips. He'd then look at Louis before looking away, too confused and too wound up by guilt and Harry could not blame him. Zayn was lost in thoughts, his expression unreadable and Niall was fast asleep.

It's not that Harry wasn't concerned about them but he was concerned about Louis more so he looked back and it was so much easier to do than to look away, like Harry was an elastic band that easily snapped back to where he should be. He wondered if maybe he should say something, if maybe he should replace his silence with words to let Louis know he's there and not alone. He wonders if maybe Louis could hear him even if he can't say so himself. Harry thinks hard about that, trying to think of reasons to voice his thoughts because he may not be able to touch Louis but perhaps he could speak to him, right?

But no, there were no words. There were not enough ''sorry''s in the world to compensate for this atrocity, not enough ''I love you''s and certainly not enough hope to speed his friend's recovery. Even if Harry could find the strength to say something, anything at all, his lips remained sealed together, his throat aching, and whenever he thought he had the words ready, they just as easily slipped away and he couldn’t remember the words he’d wanted to say, could barely remember his own name. All he could remember was the amount of time it took between each slow rise of Louis’ chest, counting almost obsessively, noting the semi-constant rhythm and feeling somehow safer because even though it didn't sound normal –Harry was aware that Louis had punctured his lung but it was still hard to wrap his head around - at least it didn’t fluctuate too much, didn't get any worse from its already bad state. Every second may not be perfectly timed with the next, but Louis was still breathing regardless of what pattern it took and that somehow reassured him, as far as reassurances go in such dire situations.

Louis lay still, quiet the way Harry had gotten used to whenever Louis was asleep and as much as Harry was fond of the way his friend slept, he was more fond of the warm sound of his laughter, the way he’d snort with amusement and slap clumsily at you, the way he'd make grabby hand movements and won't stop till he had you and gave you a hug, just for the sake of a hug. God, he didn’t know his own strength.

Louis was so fierce about others yet he treated himself with very little. Zayn was right; his selflessness was obnoxious and Harry cannot help but wonder what did he do to deserve such a friend, a friend whose every discordant thump of his heart was just as dear as his own. God, whenever Louis slung an arm around his shoulder or smacked at his arse or giggled in the most heartbreakingly beautiful way, it just made Harry ground himself so much because Louis can easily find reasons not to be happy all the time and one would think that would be absolutely normal for him but then he laughs and gets excited and jokes around and you wonder, how on earth can you deem your problems as problems.

Harry recalled every moment Louis had helped him out, every moment he laughed out loud, with the walls vibrating with his laughter. He remembers the little things about Louis that he loves; how he would hand over his beer that he did not drink but didn't mind carrying around for the sake of the host who had pushed it into his hand to enjoy his night, how his jokes always had the perfect timing, how when Harry was blabbering and not being careful to see where he was walking, Louis would just place an arm around his waist and keep him steady.

He lost count of the things he loves about Louis and it stings because none of those things are present now. The shell on the bed with the machines hooked up to him, and the pale, almost sallow skin and the closed eyes and the limp fingers…none of those were Louis. That was a body, and there was no Louis in it. No trace of the sparkling boy who he knew and loved better than anyone else he’d ever met.

And even if Louis never woke up, even if he never saw those gorgeous cerulean irises flashing with wry humor ever again, he would still want his friendship forever – and maybe he would touch him at any given moment despite being warned if he wasn’t so afraid of how vulnerable and fragile Louis looked when he was sleeping right now. It looked like it’d take one touch to break him; one tiny graze of his hand against Louis’ jaw or a tiny sweep of his caramel fringe off his forehead, and that one touch would have his frail skin crumpling beneath Harry’s fingers, caving in, breaking him and leaving him mangled and helpless on the floor. Harry was petrified of such an outcome; so petrified, in fact, that he almost wanted to look away again.

And God he was so tired. He decides to imitate Liam; slouch back and close his eyes for a bit and that's better than looking anywhere else because even behind his eyelids he can see Louis and with his eyes closed, his other sensory receptors do him huge favors of keeping Louis around him. He relies on his hearing to tell him that Louis was right next to him rather than having to look at his fragile-looking body lying still in the bed. He could listen to the reassuring _beep…beep…beep_ that could never be truly irritating as long as it signified the thumping throb of Louis’ heart, the continuation of his life as he stayed strong, fighting as always. If he listened extremely carefully, he could even faintly hear Louis breathing in and out, each inhalation a short, almost irritated huff, each exhalation a sigh. It made him feel far calmer rather than seeing Louis breathe through a tube rammed down his throat.

And so he remained like that, enjoying the heightened senses of smell and hearing what his temporary blindness brought about. Through the thin, unfriendly scents of bleach, disinfectant and a lingering bloody smell that made his tongue taste like burning metal with every breath he took, as if his senses had been hardwired together, he could smell Louis; something like home laundry and tea brewing and apple shampoo that made him tingle with warmth. His fingers traced lightly over his old crucifix which he had placed back around his neck. He had found it amongst Louis' personal belongings like his house keys and wallet, all piled unto a metallic plate on a table next to the heart monitor. He took it and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't wash the blood away, the blood that had seeped through the crevices and little indentations but Harry dared not relinquish it now, knowing, just knowing how much Louis had clutched it or thought about it in an hour of quiet desperation, whether tonight or any other night. His fingers closed around his shirt as he clutched the cross underneath, anxiously tugging on it like it was a child’s comfort blanket and resisting the urge to press too hard till his skin broke.

Not even 15 minutes passed and he's opening his eyes again. He just couldn’t resist not looking at Louis any longer. Nothing was different, of course, and nothing would change for at least quite some time. Louis still lay there, broken, barely put back together, with his eyes closed and his skin torn, looking smaller than ever next to Harry, his whole face looking pinched and unhealthy underneath the dim yellowish glow of the fluorescent lighting. Needles were still injected into his skin. There was a light dusting of stubble on his chin, a signature look. There were so many bruises on his swollen face; so many that Harry cannot separate them to count.

Harry wonders when he was going to be given what Louis had promised him, his free reign to fuss over him. He thinks about that now and his ideas are rather insubstantial plans, a confusing mixture of hugging Louis, spending all day mothering him, giving him sponge baths and feeding him liquidized foods through a straw then cuddling with him all day and letting him sleep forever. He doesn’t know when will it be till he gets back the bouncy, jolly, hyper Louis, the one that was often too busy loving life and bouncing around, with everyone following in his wake. Well, Harry was in no hurry and he'd rather Louis stay resting all the time than take a single step and hurt himself, prepared to tie him down and nurse him 24/7 if it came to that.

God, his eyes are stinging with the thought. Louis is not out of harm's way yet and he's already imagining such a far away future. But he cannot be blamed; surely no one blames him for wanting Louis to live. And boy, he wants him to live so badly. He wants to lightly kiss his bandages and then later his scars and assure him that he still looked beautiful. He wants Louis to remind him that he himself was okay and that he was stronger than he believed. Harry wanted to take away his suffering and make him never hurt again, for his wounds and scars to shrink into remission and leave him well, for them to be able to go to college as they should be able to, to compete in more battle of the bands with no one stopping their happiness.

Dawn breaks and the weather lightens up. Harry had not slept once nor did Liam but Zayn and Niall had dozed off properly before Liam stood up and woke them from their slumber. They exchanged groggy looks before Zayn nodded to himself.

''We're going to school.'' He whispered to Harry.

''Why?'' Harry asked though he wasn't really interested.

''We promised Lou to do so whenever something like this happened, took turns.'' Zayn said as he stretched, a strip of skin appearing above his waist band.

''Yeah, he likes us to maintain his reputation, make up excuses so that no one worries.'' Niall says, looking at Louis warily.

''You mean so that no one finds out the reason behind his absence.'' Harry says slowly as he figures it out.

''Something like that.'' Niall says.

''What do you have in mind then?'' Harry asks for the sake of talking.

''It's not going to be that hard.'' Zayn sighs. ''After all, he didn't show up to battle of the bands last night so if we say a car accident due to the blizzard, it won't be that hard to believe.''

''Yeah,'' Harry agrees; he wouldn't want people to fuss over him either and lying for Louis has become so mundane, he doesn't really care anymore so long as he's doing what Louis wants him to.

''Well, we'll be back after school.'' Zayn says as they head for the door. Harry doesn't bother getting up.

''Here, use the car.'' Liam says, handing over his dad's keys. Zayn says thanks and takes it.

''Let us know if something happens, yeah?'' Niall asks. Liam nods and ruffles his hair.

''Sure. I'll text you both.'' He promises.

They leave without another word and so it's just him and Liam and well, Louis.

 

The day doesn't pass by sluggishly. Liam's mom comes and she's devastated by the sight of Louis, heart-broken like any mother should be. The police come in as well and Karen is prepared. Not only has she brought a lawyer, she also brought with her a friend who works for child services. Louis is eighteen so no social worker came for him but Harry knew Karen's reasons because this isn't about just Louis anymore.

The police talk to Harry and Liam first, taking down the events of last night, then they step aside when a detective and his assistant walk in, asking for Liam. They take said boy and his little group of people into a separate room to ask for more questions. Harry is glad; he didn't want to leave Louis at all.

However, upon Liam's phone calls last night, all their parents had assured their kids of their arrival as soon as the weather eased up and sure enough, they all arrived a little after dawn, just when the weather had stabilized and had graciously waited for their children in the waiting room, taking up residence in on the benches there. Zayn and Niall's parents took off with their kids as soon as they met up and now, only Anne was left, sitting in the waiting room ever since she came bursting through the hospital, worried and a little bit freaked out.

So, Harry reluctantly got up and went downstairs and though he didn't want to face her, he couldn't help but cry when their eyes met. She didn't even utter a word as she held his head against her shoulder and just let him sob, Louis' name slipping through the cracks.

When he eased up, he told her that he's going to speak with the police soon and that he'll only talk then because he doesn't want to repeat himself, doesn't want it to sound rehearsed. Little did he know but when Liam phoned Anne last night, saying they were all in the hospital because Louis was in an accident –of what, he did not say, Gemma made her promise not to fall apart because she knew right then and there, that Harry was going to tell her everything, everything that she'd been told and had been suspicious about, everything about Harry's sneaking out in the dead of night and why she would sometimes hear him crying in his sleep. So, Anne agreed to her son's silence. She just sat there and held him, whispering love into his skin, and Harry took it all in because he needed the strength, now more than ever.

When Liam sought him out, there were tears in his eyes. He told Harry his turn was up and that the lawyer as well as the social worker was going to be present with him.

''Tell them everything.'' He told Harry and that was exactly what Harry did. While clutching his mother's hand under the desk, he told the detective and his assistant all that he knows from his side of the story; the money issue, the first time he held Louis close on the rooftop because it was also the time he saw his head injury and the way Louis clutched at his stomach so tight. He told them about Louis being taken out of school, Louis bleeding on him that night, his mom's phone call, the morning when he found Louis on the kitchen floor. He told them everything, his eyes never clear of tears and he couldn't bother wiping them anymore because with every word that came out his mouth, he wanted to stab himself a hundred times over for not saying them sooner, for not grabbing the nearest cop he saw in the street and telling them everything. The detective, an old man with a blast of white hair, looked at him kindly when he was done, as he pressed the stop button on the recorder he had. As for his assistant, younger and somehow looking like a college graduate, who had been writing down in his little notepad, looked at Harry with wonder.

''You're going to be dynamite on the stand, kid.'' He said as he scribbled a few more words. Harry looked up at him through teary eyes.

''Stand? Do you mean, court?'' he asked, his voice rough.

''Yes, you want to take this bastard down, don't you?'' he said before clearing his throat when Anne glared at him for his foul word. ''I mean, you and your friends are the perfect witnesses. You can win this case and Louis…''

''Louis.'' Harry interrupted when the man pronounced the 's' in Louis' name rather than saying it as 'Loueh' the way its really pronounced.

''Oh, sorry.'' The assistant said. ''But yeah, I was saying that you can win this case and Louis wouldn't need to take the stand. He might have to but no sane court will force him out of a hospital bed, you know?''

''Okay, I want that.'' Harry says, nodding. ''I want to be the perfect witness. Can it really be arranged?''

''The doctor had a nurse take pictures the moment you said this was domestic abuse.'' The social worker said. She was a kind old woman, with silver hair combed into a bun and who spoke slowly but gently. ''We had spoken to her earlier and the pictures of his injuries are going to bullet-proof everything you and Liam just reported.''

 

And so it was that the day was spent, going in and out of Louis' room to hear more from what Mr. Sean, the detective, has to say about Louis' case. He had sent his assistant to a judge to get a warrant for Louis' step-father's arrest and a warrant to search the house. With Liam and Harry's testimony, the pictures and the medical report from Dr. Sheryl, both warrants were accepted. The detective said that these things don't usually move so quickly but he's been in the business for a long time and he knows who to call and who to ask for favors. Harry was surprised when he had entered the room and met him instead of the two police officers that were now standing guard outside of Louis' hospital room but when Liam said his mom was prepared, she really was. The detective is an old-high school friend of his father's and he had come as soon as Liam called him last night. All Harry could think of is that if there were truly superheroes in this world, well; Liam James Payne beats them all, hands down.

 


	25. Need some self-control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter is inspired by two of the greatest fics in our larry fandom and that is ''beloved'' by thewhitetoymaker and ''room 317''. hope i edited this well enough and sry for the late update

Thirteen days pass and everything has become a dull, gray monotony. Harry goes to school, just like the boys and everybody else, smiles sadly when asked how's Louis doing, how's he coping and such. They all think it’s a car accident -as the boys have agreed to say it was- that has put their golden boy in a coma and Harry can’t do anything but simply plays along. His classmates congratulate him and the boys for scoring second place in battle of the bands and they say it fondly, they really do, when they tell Harry that if Louis had been with them, they definitely would've won but they don't hold it against Louis, Harry knows that, but its annoying being told what he already knows.

There's a cash prize for second place too, it turned out, 1500 pounds which John, their back-up pianist, handed to Zayn when the boy showed up for work. He refused a cut vehemently before kicking Zayn out of the pub, telling him his boss has given him a month off. Zayn is glad he has such understanding people in his life.

He told the boys about the money and they talked around, not on sharing cuts and stuff but on whether they should buy Louis' car so he can have something delightful to see when he wakes up or save it for him so he can add it to his savings. They leave the matter undecided.

He and the boys have been juggling school and staying with Louis in the hospital until visitors' hours is up. In the past thirteen days, what keeps them from pulling their hairs out and gauging their eyes from too much restlessness is the fact that Louis' step-father has been sent to prison for a good 10 years. It was an open-shut case, especially when the police went to the house and saw the mayhem in every corner, the trail of Louis' abuse just waiting to be discovered. The pictures they took just said it all, from the broken stairs, to the bloody top of the kitchen counter, everything, every speck of blood but then again, that was the most they found in abundance.

Not to mention was the fact that they didn’t have to go looking for Mr. Frank after all. Oh no, the man came to them himself.

It was a technical mistake really, when the accounting's office in the hospital contacted Mr. Frank to come pay the hospital bill for his son. It was here that the man actually picked up his phone in the early morning and when he did, he came about like a live wire, simply because he was outraged that he owed money at all.

In a drunken haze, he stumbled across the hospital double doors just when Liam and Harry were leaving the cafeteria with their moms and heading back to Louis' room. That was when they saw the man shouting at the receptionist, being loud, slurry and obnoxious. This happened that first day they spoke to the detective and the man who claimed himself to be Louis' step-father was banging his fists on the counter wearing a suit covered in blood (when they took his clothes as evidence, it was discovered that the blood matched Louis' DNA). The man's breath reeked of booze and his hair had small pieces of glass scattered amongst his haphazard locks and his bloody knuckles were bruised and scary.

Liam immediately called Mr. Sean from the room he was in, where he was making important phone calls and the moment Mr. Frank saw Liam, he went for him like a lion aiming for the jugular.

In short, the man did not make it that hard to get arrested. As the case proceeded, he remained in jail without bail and the reason for this had to do with Liam as well. Harry discovered that Karen had filed a restraining order against the man ever since he attacked Liam in the hospital after he threw his step-son down the stairs. Of course, Mr. Frank forgot all about that when he tried it again and easily landed himself behind bars.

On the thirteenth day, Harry decided to attend the court hearing. He never did before except when he took the stand and gave his testimony but this time he went, just to make sure he sees the man in cuffs and taken to prison for good. Harry knows that most cases such as these take a long time to process but given that they're in a small town, and Mr. Sean has a lot of contacts, the case proceeded smoothly. Not to mention the fact that Mr. Frank's lawyer had nothing strong to lay considering that the injuries his client had inflicted on Louis has caused him a coma due to severe head trauma and obviously unfit to defend himself, let alone take the stand against his cruel step-father.

The pictures of the house that the police had taken were given in as evidence, showing a trail of the conflict that took place, how it had all started in Mr. Frank's bedroom, the bloodiest of all rooms, how one wall was painted in so much blood, one wonders how Louis lost even more. The dresser where Mr. Frank's suits were hung had been flung aside as the man used the wooden attachment in which the hangers held unto as his first weapon of choice, using it to break Louis' ribs, arm and leg. When Louis tried to escape, his ankle was already sprained so it's no wonder he stumbled down the stairs. It is here that his step-father took down the big frame that held his wedding photo with Louis’ mom and throttled it at the poor boy.

According to Dr. Sheryl, who took the stand after the police and was matching each of Louis' injuries to the pictures of the house with professional observations, pointed out that the heavy-looking blood-tainted wooden picture frame must've been the item that caused Louis' shoulder to snap and disk to rupture and the glass shards from the frame was definitely the cause of all those cuts on his legs, back and arms. The wooden frame was completely shattered and that is because Mr. Frank used it to inflict more injuries, hammering it against Louis.

When Louis tried to escape a third time, Mr. Frank gathered his hair and banged his head on the stainless steel kitchen counter twice before he landed more blows and punches. This concussed Louis’ head and caused his neck to snap. The trail of blood continued until outside the balcony where Mr. Frank deposited his son and left him in the snow to die in the cold.

Harry did not attend this case hearing but he had heard it all when the lawyer was practicing with the cop, who had taken the pictures of the house, and Dr. Sheryl, on how to answer his questions when they both take the stand. Harry stood long enough behind the door, frozen in horror before he remembered he had legs that enabled him to take off. He threw up just imagining and he cried till he passed out in the bathroom stall.  

That is why, when Harry went to the man's court for the second time, he was almost gleeful when the judge sentenced Mr. Frank to 10 years and not just due to domestic violence and abuse but under the verdict of attempted murder as the jury had put it. Harry smirked and almost laughed when the man fought against the officer who had to shove and pull him out of the court room. Mr. Frank refused to be silenced as he went on demanding about his daughters and his rights as their father. The man was obviously dumb; isn’t he aware that he lost his parental rights the moment he struck that very first blow?

However, they couldn't win it all. Even the detective couldn't be biased when he found the divorce letter in Mr. Frank's room, the fact that Louis' mother can be easily contacted now through her lawyer. Karen was saddened by this but when the judge announced that until Jamie gets tracked down, her daughters can remain with Karen till then, the woman jumped on the chance immediately and didn't refuse. She was on a time limit now, knowing that if Jamie showed up, she will lose the case against the biological mother so she decided to make use of her time with the girls for as long as she had them. However, when Harry asked, she said she will still go to court and fight for them because Jamie may be their mother but she's a negligent, heartless one who could've put a stop to Louis' abuser if she cared about her children more than she cared about herself. It was enough of an answer to let her be.

On the fourteenth day of Louis' hospitalization, Harry stumbled in after his shift from the bakery to find Niall and Zayn already there. It was mid-morning and the weekend but Harry didn't go home to catch up on his sleep. He went straight for the hospital and in record time too. He had with him a paper bag with muffins which Niall immediately gave him puppy dog eyes for. Harry didn't have breakfast yet and had planned to eat his muffins alone but looking at Niall, he just rolled his eyes and gave it to him before he went to take his jacket off.

''Notice anything different?'' Zayn asked, just when Harry was about to round the corner and sit on Louis' left side of the bed. He stopped by the end of the bed and looked at Zayn, confused. The boy doesn't look any different, still bony thin, still immaculate with those chiseled jaws and ebony hair, still the Zayn Malik that made girls drool just by looking at him.

''No,'' Harry drawled out. ''Should I notice something?''

''Well, look closely.'' Zayn said as he nudged his head towards the sleeping figure of their friend. Harry immediately looked at Louis, his heart rate spiking with worry. His mind suddenly flashes back to that day, the morning of the third day of Louis' hospitalization…

He was dozing off on the chair whilst Liam went to take a leak. He was tired out of his mind for staying up two days in a row. His head was laid back and he was about to start snoring when the nurse got up and went to change Louis' drip. Emma was her name as he had come to learn it, a kind-hearted redhead in her mid-thirties. Every two hours she checked on Louis, never a minute late, always smooth and careful. Harry liked her better than the other nurses because sometimes, she hummed Ed Sheeran songs like she knew all along that he and Louis were massive fans.

He startled when he felt her move and was about to relax again knowing that what she was doing was her normal routine but then he startled again when he heard her gasp. He was sluggish as he watched her press the emergency button, was confused when she told him and Liam, who had emerged, to get out immediately. Instead, he looked at Louis and saw that the blanket that covered him was wet with blood, a small puddle increasing across the side of his abdomen, like whatever was happening went unnoticed because it was still happening then, taking place right in front of them.

In a matter of seconds, blood was coming out of Louis' nose and mouth, seeping down the ventilator and filling the cracks in his lower lip but worse, the heart monitor started to beep loudly. Harry was about to jostle Louis, ask the boy what was happening, too much in a daze to realize that no, Louis is not with him right now, when Liam held him back and the moment Harry was touched, it hit him, right then, that the heart monitor was flat-lined, glaring at him to see and take notice.

Harry instantly turned hysterical at the thought of Louis dying in front of him right then and there. He screamed, kicked and yelled when Liam pulled him away and held him back, caged within his muscled arms, although he only managed to go as far as the side of the room and not out the door when nurses and doctors burst through. Harry went berserk as he watched the heart paddles slam against Louis' chest causing his back to arch off the bed.

‘’Louis!!!’’ Harry had wailed, scratching at Liam’s arms holding him back across the waist. ‘’Louis, you bastard, get back here!!! You promised. Please!!! Don’t do this, no, you fucking promised me!!!’’ then he sobbed his eyes out in a puddle of tears in Liam's arms when Louis' heart beat returned to normal after three whole minutes. Harry wept, pleaded, shouted and wailed till he lost his voice, too in shock, too stressed to realize it was over and Louis was back. He cursed the heavens for daring to try and take Louis away from him.

He woke up to find out that they didn't and it was simply the fact that Louis had bled out from the weakly-sutured gash in which his rib had punctured his lung, the abscess causing his lung to fill up with fluids, so the doctors had to bring him to surgery once more and insert into his chest another smaller tube to feed his punctured lung with oxygen directly and keep the ventilator to feed his other lung with oxygen as well. He returned with more needles and tubes, giving more reasons for Harry to cry. In all, Louis was a proper mess.

However, the tube into his chest was removed five days ago, after the doctors were sure he is no longer in risk of internally bleeding out again and the thing is, Louis was no longer in a medically induced coma after that but the severe blow to his head was the one still keeping him under.

That is why as Harry looked at Louis closely, his eyes went wide when he caught sight of Louis' lips. He could see them clearly now, pale, dry and slightly chapped and still a bit bruised around the corners but with no ventilator in the way, no tube shoved down his throat but just a smaller breathing apparatus under his nose. He made a noise that was a mixture of joy and surprise and oh boy, there goes the water works.

''Oh God, he…he can breathe…he's breathing on his own…shit, when…when did that…?''

Niall got up and hugged him but he continued to look at Zayn through hazy eyes clogged up with tears. He was preparing himself to Louis being forever in a coma, he didn't want to but he was preparing himself for it anyway so yeah, if this is really happening then no way he won't cry over it.

Zayn laughed and got up; his eyes shiny as well as he patted Harry's back.

''Just this morning.'' he said, swiping a finger under his eyes because how can he not get emotional over Harry's reaction to this? ''Niall and I walked in and we were just about to sit down when his heart monitor spiked up and then…''

''It was scary at first.'' Niall interrupted when he released Harry. ''Like, really scary coz he started making these choking noises. His back, like, arched from the bed and his eyes were blown open like in those scary movies and you can only see white.''

Harry shivered at the description, glad he wasn't present to see that.

''Yeah, exactly and then the nurses came in.'' Zayn continued. ''And they removed the ventilator, saying he can breathe on his own now.''

''And even better.'' Niall interrupted again, too excited not to relay the news himself. ''They said he has a good chance of waking up any time soon, maybe in a day or two or even tomorrow, who knows?''

Harry hugged him again, too happy and over the clouds not too. He pulled Zayn in too, hating to leave him out of the bubble. All in all, it was the best news he's heard all day, better than Frank's sentencing even, because what was the point if Louis wasn't going to wake up to his new found freedom, right?

When Liam came in, Harry and the boys rushed to tell him, speaking over each other to tell him the news but he silenced them all by saying he ran into Dr. Sheryl and she had already told him, much to the boys' childish dismay.

''Kill joy.'' Harry muttered but all was forgiven when Liam brought them Nandos.

 

As for Eleanor, she usually came at night, every night really. She got angry at Harry so much when he told her the whole story coz she's Louis' girlfriend and she ought to know. He knew she would've asked anyway. He was sure she wouldn't buy the whole 'car accident' excuse.

When told the truth, she was in shock, felt betrayed at being lied to. She then slapped Harry square in the face the moment she saw Louis. Harry said nothing, even though the slap stung not just his cheek but his ego -a reminder that he wasn't man enough to save Louis. He couldn't look at her after that, felt too much shame and she couldn't look at Harry either, choosing to ignore him for days and it was easy the moment she'd enter Louis' room. Harry couldn’t blame her.

But when Danielle, who had been much more forgiving and respectful of her boyfriend keeping secrets that didn't concern her, told her that Liam, Harry and the boys had helped immensely in sending Mr. Frank to prison, Eleanor broke her silence and forgave him. Harry was eager to accept, blamed himself immensely when she shouted at him, saying it was his fault for not doing something sooner, how his inaction led to this. He longed for her forgiveness and cried when he received it.

But for two days now, Eleanor couldn't come, due to a little trip she had to make to Manchester. It was a birthday surprise that her mom and sisters had saved up for, to bring her to the campus of her dream university as well as a vacation with her dad who works abroad and has come to enjoy just the one week with his girls. Eleanor couldn't refuse. She apologized to Harry, asked him to watch her boyfriend for her in the week that she'll be away. Harry understood; it was an opportunity she couldn't refuse, a gift from her parents so he made his promises, even though standing by Louis' side was already a given and went without saying.

The night of the fourteenth day, he and the boys sat around Louis' bed and did their homework as has become usual, exchanging notes and stuff, glancing at Louis every once in a while, hoping for a positive change, fearing a negative one.

Looking at Louis, knowing he was getting better now, made Harry decide he wanted to spend the night. Dr. Sheryl had said that it was allowed only if one person stayed. Harry was given this chance the first week, more so than any of them until he finally came to his senses and extended the courtesy to the boys as well, remembering that they are Louis' brothers too. That night though, Harry wanted to stay and he made it clear without sounding like a dick. After all, he was stepping on Zayn's toes metaphorically since it was his turn to spend the night but the lad let him, used to his worrisome antics.

''And here I thought Liam will be the first to have gray hair sprouting out of his ears.'' Zayn said before he chuckled, dodging a playful blow from Liam.

Harry just laughed as they hugged each other goodbye for the night.

''Will text if something happens, promise.'' he said when Liam looked at him with a look he had come to know so well, a look almost fatherly in a tender yet stern way.

''You'd better.'' Niall said before he hugged him in the way only Niall knew how; simple but effective.

He hugged Zayn last and thanked him again before he eased himself back on the chair. He didn’t want to leave, almost couldn’t and he was glad that Zayn was able to see right through him, glad that he understood his desperation.

If only he knew how right he was because Zayn saw it all; saw how Harry would sometimes stare off into space in class, eyes misty and far away, how his pencil would lay limp between his fingers while they were doing homework later, a sour pinch to his face. The past week, he had been emotionally volatile and very antsy and there were times when he'd be all quiet and subdued but not in a good way. It was always worse in school, like being away from Louis just made everything else so irrelevant. Zayn would see him either dozing off in class only to startle awake with tears brimming his eyes or staring away and not paying attention.

Some teachers got mad at him but never really mad. After all, Harry still did his homework, still handed over his paper in time but he did it with no heart, no real effort. His grades didn't drop badly but they were not his usual grades, like suddenly a B was just as good as an A, good enough for him and his self-maintenance, if only because the faster he finished writing his essays, the sooner he gets to properly focus on Louis, his friend whom he can now touch. Zayn saw it all but he couldn't blame his friend, had his own sanity regarding Louis to worry about so he let Harry spend the night, gladly allowed it even if only because Harry was most comforted when he was by Louis' side.

Harry picked up Louis' hand in both of his, so glad he could do so now. He rubbed his thumb into the crease across Louis' hand, looking overall very serious. He liked to examine Louis, liked to see the gradual changes in him, the little improvements that painted his skin and the changes that were not so good but changes nonetheless. Like the cuts on Louis' arms and legs; they didn't fade away completely but they have turned into scabs and scars that made Harry sad because he didn't want marks on Louis, reminders of such a dreadful day. They were not puffy anymore though, no longer hot to the touch. Louis’ left wrist was still in a brace and his left arm was still in a cast. As for his fingers on his right hand and his right wrist, they were looking fine now, just slightly yellowish but no longer broken. The fracture on his right hip was also healed, his ankle was still in a brace and his thigh, just above his knee, was still in a cast too. The marks on his back were healing- apparently Mr. Frank couldn't help but use the belt one last time – and his shoulder was popped back in and was healing gradually as well. His jaws and his broken cheekbone had healed up nicely. His neck was still in its brace and the doctor said it will have to stay for a while and when it comes the time to take it off, he'll be able to do so for hours at a time, but put his neck at rest always and not move it so much.

His ruptured disc was back in place and his ribs were healed up. His lungs were now functioning properly- or at least one more decently than the other. Dr. Sheryl said that when he wakes up and has trouble breathing, they'll give him an inhaler just in case. When he saw Emma checking on Louis' chest, changing the gauze that bandaged his hurt ribs and the fat plaster that hid the opening in his chest, it makes him wonder how the boy ever survived.

But his internal organs were at peace now, which delighted Harry a lot but his head injury was the main concern. According to Dr. Sheryl, these things are usually unpredictable, that there's always the slight chance he might wake up with half a memory or fragments of his past. He might not even remember what happened to him at all. It was all so uncertain.

But Harry felt calm that night, even though he looked so serious and so un-Harry like, with his movements seeming so instinctual. His eyes were drooping but he refused to sleep. After all, the chair was utterly uncomfortable, even now, he couldn’t get himself used to it, especially after waking up multiple times with back cramps because of it. But who was he to complain about something so meager when his friend was in a state ten thousand times worse? No, he had no right to complain about some stupid chair.

''Hey Lou,'' Harry's voice croaked from ill-use. When it was just him and Louis or when Emma was dozing off in her chair, it was easy to get words out like they were in their own separate bubble.

''You know, I can’t wait for you to wake up.'' he began, looking at Louis' face like as if his eyes were open and staring back. It helped him to imagine that because he kind of hates himself that he has to struggle to remember how blue were Louis' eyes, how descriptive he was about them so even though Louis couldn’t hear him, let alone see him, Harry found that the sound of his own voice helped chase away the lingering details of that day he lost his friend for three whole minutes, how the day he found him in the snow was still clinging obstinately in his brain. It helped remind him that it was all over now, that his friend was more or else free.

He leaned forward to look Louis straight in the sleeping face.

''Can’t wait to pamper you and tease you and make funny faces at you, make you laugh. Can’t wait for the fact that the next time you see a bed, it will be one in my room next to my own,'' he pointed out. He gave a half-hearted chuckle that was borne more of fatigue than real amusement. ''Or not next to my bed but my bed itself. You've seen it; it's quite big and can hold two people, especially someone as small as you. I'll probably not even notice you're there.'' Harry pauses and though it’s a joke, he didn't like the sound of it. ''But of course I will, never could take my eyes off you, could I?’’ He doesn’t know where that comes from as he pauses again but he shakes it off, in need for Louis to hear what he has to say. ‘’I'll be taking care of you, Lou. I'll keep you in my room till you become one with the bed even. I'll urge you, whenever I see you trying to get up and sneak out, which I know you'll try because you’re just so stubborn sometimes it’s like pushing up against a wall, but I’ll still try my best and plead with you by giving you my best puppy dog eyes that I know you can't resist and be all, 'Lou baby, don’t get out of bed, stay and snuggle with me, c’mon.''' Harry coos before his voice cracks at the thought. ''I know you'll think you're being a burden but I don’t think you’ll mind too much though, being taken care of properly for once. Don't you think?'' He pauses like Louis is really part of the conversation, giving him time to respond, then he laughs at himself. ''I bet it won't be just me but the boys will be mothering you so much, they'll be all over you like the plague even though they're so tired, LouLou. God, I’m so tired, when did that happen, huh?'' he mumbled to himself, rubbing his aching eyes with the back of his hand. A loose smile bent his lips. ''But am not gonna rest though, am I? All that talk about my bed is making me sleepy but nope, I'm better than that, I’m wiggly in ‘super Mario’ aren’t I? You remember that, Lou?''

Harry waits for a full minute as he sits back against the chair, his hands still holding Louis' but his eyes going afar and his face slowly falling again. His eyelashes brushed against his cheeks as he looked down at their connected hands, and after a little while he rubbed distractedly at the moisture that had collected in his eyes. He didn’t want to cry again, spill over from remembering afternoons of video games, him beating Louis at ‘super Mario’ leading to a very petulant, pouted-faced Louis, then a giggly one when Harry lets him win the next couple of rounds. No, he didn’t want to shed tears again, not after how happy he was in the morning.

It just seemed so strange because even though it was good news that Louis could breathe on his own now, Harry couldn't help but remember the bad aspects of the whole thing that lead to the now; the details of that dreadful night. Finding Louis' body covered in crimson snow had effectively slipped away by too many greater concerns and those were never gone but neither were the memories. They popped into his head now like a light bulb, reminding him of how close he had come to losing his friend. The trembling feeling inside him when he stopped hearing Louis' voice down the phone line still remained and the gripping, blood-curdling sensation of how it felt to watch Louis die in the hospital right in front of him added to the picture. It had stuck its claws into his heart, mind, body and soul, and it seemed it planned to stay and never ever leave.

The worst part was wondering how it would really feel if he head really lost him, or worse, if he would lose him now, when he was putting too much hope on Louis getting better and ignoring the fact that Louis might not remember him when he wakes up. It was all so possible and not just imagination. How much worse could it be from then on?

Pushing that thought down, Harry shook himself out of his reverie and blinked his reddened, puffy eyes. He squeezed Louis’ hand that was still carefully enfolded in both of his, like an anchor in a storm, reminding him that he is here and not about to slip away. He gently brushed his thumb over Louis’ delicate skin, as if thanking him for the reminder.

''You’ll be alright, love.'' he said, trying to inject some confidence into his tone. He wasn’t sure who he was trying to reassure anymore. He sniffed as he continued. ''You’ll be just fine soon enough; you’ll see and before you know it, it’ll be pancakes and Yorkshire tea in the mornings, Mario carts and pub nights during weekends, going to school together and you walking down the hallways of school with me…and…'' He swiped at another stray tear, stupidly feeling that Louis shouldn’t see him being sad even though Louis wasn’t seeing anything right now. ‘’And cuddling on the couch together during one of Liam's movie marathons, you tucked under my arm and me holding on to you. I know you can’t resist lazing around when you have the chance, so you just don’t go anywhere, alright?'' he looked up at Louis’ face, wishing so badly to receive a verbal answer to silence his worries.

Upon receiving none, very carefully, Harry lifted Louis’ hand to hold it to his lips, cradling it with reverent care as he placed a soft kiss then another and another. ''Don’t leave… just don’t forget me and leave, my love. Ever.''

 

Before he knew it, there was light streaming through the window behind him, white delicate light that was usual for a typical English morning. He hadn't slept at all and looking at Louis, he didn't miss any change. Thinking back on what he had said, he realized the stir his words had caused to his heart. Snippets of it were definitely not platonic or brotherly anymore. Maybe he’s groggy, maybe he was just overcome by emotions due to fatigue but they lingered there still and yet, it felt like they were there for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t name it before during all those times he kissed Louis out of comfort or made him laugh, which meant that they definitely started out as friends. But calling Louis ‘My Love’ when he wasn’t his swirled within him an emotion he can now name, even though he was scared shitless for being able to admit it.

‘’I’m in love with you.’’ He says out loud, now looking at Louis’ sleeping face. Louis was not his but calmly Harry admits to himself that he loves him, more than a friend, more than a brother and…Louis is not his. He sighed loudly, closing his eyes for a second and stretching before slumping back on the chair. He cannot think of that now; Louis’ recovery is more important than his heart and his painful longing. He arranges his thoughts and thinks of all the reasons why they ought to shut up right now until finally he settles, glad he doesn’t explode with the realization.

A moment later, he smiles at the sound of the swinging door, glad to see Emma walking in, bustling around and changing Louis' drip next to him.

''You're going to break your back, sleeping in the chair like that.'' she said sternly as she worked with daft hands.

''Don't mind. Used to it.'' He lied. She tsked as she shook his hair.

''Well, I'll be in the ladies' room.'' She said quietly when she was done with her routine. ''Will be back in an hour, okay?''

''Okay.'' he said as he watched her leave. He sighed again and rubbed at his eyes before turning back to his sleeping friend, calm as a feather. He didn't have anything to do really as it was still the second day of the weekend. He had to go to work but he was too tired to get out. So, he pulled out his phone and texted his boss that the bakery will have to do without him for today. He knows Evelyn wouldn't mind; the old ladies he works with never do.

Looking back at Louis after pocketing his phone, he did what always worked to distract him from everything else; he stared at his best friend –yes, his best friend- and memorized him allover again. Louis has very delicately shaped eyes, he thought sleepily, sort of elongated and pretty even though they were both swollen and black not too long ago. His eyelashes lay so gracefully against his pale skin- all dark and slightly feathered. The contours of his jaws were very well-defined, with the faint outline of a stubble. Liam had given him a shave two days ago so his stubble was very slight. His hair was longer now, without gel or any hair product dusting it up for days. Even his hands were quite delicate, as Harry stared down at it fondly, hard from the inside from too much work and soft on the outside. With his index finger, Harry traced down his hand, from Louis' long-tapered pointer finger to the ball of bone on the outside of his wrist, circling it there then back again, fascinated by how soft the skin was and how his action elicited Goosebumps in its wake.

He couldn't help but keep repeating the action, couldn't help but smile when the pointer finger he traced curled slightly around his big hand, the wrist he held shifting lightly making the ball of bone more prominent. It was such a tentative move, almost as drowsy as he felt. Perhaps that’s why it took a few seconds to realize that Louis' fingers, that were now moving altogether in his grasp, weren't supposed to move.

Heart suddenly in his throat, terrified about getting the biggest let down of his life, he slowly dragged his eyes up his friend's chest till reaching his face. He tried to steady his breathe, before shifting his whole body now. It seemed to take many light years, the air burning inside Harry's chest, the anticipation fluttering in the dip of his stomach. He swallowed loudly.

''Louis?'' he whispered, daring to hope.

Louis' eyes fluttered and Harry saw a flash of blue. He nearly face-planted from the chair in his haste to press the emergency button, which he did several times almost frantically before he threw himself at the bed, getting up on it so that he can loom over his friend's face and see him directly.

''Lou baby?'' he said, louder this time, excitement bubbling furiously in his stomach, making him forget his fatigue. He actually doesn’t understand how this is even possible anymore, when all evidence of Louis' physical state points to the contrary of the situation, like as if Harry expects him to go back to sleep right this instant and that what's happening is just a fluke, a figment of his imagination.

But shit, the heart monitor is beeping loudly as Louis' eyes fluttered open to half-mast then closed again, a weak moan escaping his lips. Holy shit, Harry is not dreaming.

''Lou baby!'' Harry grinned widely and sang. There were tears in his eyes now, happy tears. He couldn't help himself then, he just couldn't as he leaned down and pressed a very delicate kiss on Louis' healed up cheekbone, just above the tube of the nubbins. Louis' moved, just a nudge of his head followed by a moan but he fucking moved. Harry sat back, a gasp escaping his lips.

''Louis love, I'm here.'' He said, his voice wobbly and squishy, unable to go higher than a whisper. Louis groans, his brow in a frown, his eyes struggling to open and Harry can see him trying so hard. Harry chokes at the sight. ''I love you, baby. God, I love you so much.'' He kisses his cheekbone again unashamed, tears cascading unto Louis' face.

When he sits back, he sees it happen, sees Louis open his eyes. They're bloodshot, almost completely red tainting the blue of his irises. He locks eyes with Harry before they lose focus when he sees someone behind Harry. Harry looks back, worried then relaxes when he sees Emma.

''Hey there love, how're you feeling?'' she says sweetly while checking Louis' vitals. Harry returns his eyes to Louis, but the boy has closed his eyes and suddenly looks in pain.

''Hurts.'' he whispers, his voice as raw as sand and Harry cannot even rejoice the fact that he has finally heard Louis' voice because it's wrought with pain. He feels some shifting and when he looks down, he sees Louis' right hand trying to reach up his neck then falling limply back. Louis groans again, tears almost pricking the corners of his eyes.

''Lou, what's wrong? What's hurting? Tell me.'' he asks frantically.

''Can't move.'' Louis answers with slight panic in his rough voice but it's like he's saying it to himself not Harry, his eyes shut so tight. Emma then pushes Harry away and Harry goes gladly, hoping she can fix whatever's hurting Louis.

''Honey, you're not supposed to move. Just relax and stay calm.'' She says as she presses a button that caused the top of the bed to rise to a half-sitting position then she straps Louis to the bed to make sure he doesn't try to get up and jostle his neck. She then injects something into Louis' drip then fills a plastic cup with water. Harry steps up to the plate.

''Can I do that?'' he asks. She hands it over and watches him push the straw between Louis' lips.

''C'mon love, take a sip.'' He says gently, his free hand by the side of Louis' head, his fingers grazing the neck brace. It's no wonder Louis' hurting; he can't move at all. Louis' eyes are still closed but he obeys. He takes a tentative sip then realizing his throat is parched and dry, he takes another before he exhales tiredly, his breathes a bit wheezy. Harry is glad to see moisture on his lips, seeping through the chapped parts and healing the dryness. He hands the cup back to Emma then looks at her for further instructions.

''Just make sure he doesn’t try to move his neck or move at all.'' She tells him. ''He'll probably fall back asleep too so don't keep him up. I'll go fetch Dr. Sheryl right now, alright?''

''Okay,'' he nods as he looks back at Louis. She pats his shoulder gently.

''He's going to be alright now, Harry.'' She says. ''This is good. I promise.''

And Harry believes her. How can he not?

 


	26. Without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few words in this chapter was quoted from part 2 of the sunshine series by the wonderful significationary. read that fic, its 3 parts of amazing, inspiring love.

Harry turns his attention back to Louis when Emma leaves. The boy looks so weak, his eyes barely open as he looks at Harry through half-lidded eyes, almost shadowed by the thick bandage around his head. With his face tilted up a bit from the neck brace, it made his eyes look closed but despite all that, they were definitely open. His eyes had turned from red to black like he'd been drugged up to his eyeballs by whatever sedative or painkiller Emma injected into his system. If only he knows how right he is because to Louis, it feels like everything is black. Black and red, so much red, but mostly only black. But Harry is looking at him like he's the sun and he can't help but sag under Harry's gaze, glad that he's the first thing he sees.

And Harry is looking at him like he is the sun, _his_ sun. The initial pain-induced tears that had pricked the corner of Louis' eyes had slipped without his knowledge and he looked oddly beautiful in his suffering - like one of those Renaissance paintings of martyred saints. In the dim light of morning, his profile was almost limed in silver, his eyelashes fluttering rapidly like a moth’s wings, casting dancing, circular shadows on his cheeks. He looked too thin, his jaws and cheeks angular and pronounced. Harry wants to kiss every bone in his face. Harry wants to kiss him until everything else goes away but his mouth and Louis’ skin.   

''I've missed you.'' Harry whispers kind of helplessly.

''I didn't…didn't think I would.'' Louis says, his words huddled together like he could barely get the words out. He closes his eyes, unable to keep them open and unable to breath properly. ''Thought I died that night.''

Harry shudders with the thought, remembers the whole thing with clarity and hates that he's not going to be forgetting that any time soon.

''But I came for you.'' he says, so glad about that part.

''You did.'' Louis whispered, his breath a bit wheezy. Harry tilts his head and looks at him, like he can't speak or think until Louis tells him so. Harry reaches out a tentative hand and slowly wipes the involuntary tears that had fallen from Louis' eyes. He does it gently, making sure he doesn't push on the healing scrapes on Louis' face, still evident despite the fading bruises.

''How long was I out?'' Louis asks suddenly. Harry looks up at him to find his eyes open. He didn't know that his eyes had drifted and looking back at Louis' eyes, he sees the overwhelming exhaustion, almost feels it in his bones even though he's sure that its his own fatigue working on him.

''Two whole weeks.'' Harry answers. Louis' eyes dart away slowly as he digests the words and Harry lets him, waiting for Louis' next syllables to act on.

But Louis is trying to think back to his last memory, trying to account for what he's lost but everything hurts. Everything aches. It’s all black and red and white and painful.Everything smells like glass and blood and cold, and he’s scared. But then he accidentally looks back and sees Harry and a rush of relief fills his brain because Harry's eyes are just the way he remembers them; cool and strong and so utterly devoted to him. He looks at his best friend with all seriousness.

''You saved me. I can't believe you actually did it, especially when I thought I couldn't be saved, when I thought I wasn't going to get out of it this time.'' Louis says breathlessly, almost heaving his words out. God, Harry's never seen eyes so blue, never felt more invincible than when Louis is looking at him like Harry’s saving him again, every day, just by existing.

''I promised you, didn't I?'' Harry says gently, holding Louis' right hand slightly. ''We all did; the boys and I came for you.''

Louis wished he could feel Harry's touch more but he can barely see past his neck so he keeps his eyes on Harry who seems to understand anyways, because he’s perfect. He leans down and kisses Louis' cheekbone softly and it's worth it to see the worn-out smile on Louis' face before he got too tired to keep it.

''Thank you.'' Louis says slowly, his voice incapable of going above a whisper. Harry doesn't care if the gratitude was for the kiss or for saving him because he doesn't expect it and never will.

''You're worth it.'' Harry shrugs, earning another short-spanned tired smile. ''And you're worth me being here right now.''

''Stop it, I can't smile anymore.'' Louis says breathlessly as he closes his eyes again.

''Well, how are you feeling?'' Harry asks, all at once concerned.

''Everything hurts.'' Louis wants to sound less pathetic, but it gets Harry to kiss the tip of his nose and his left cheek a couple times. Louis makes a contented sound that makes Harry feel very accomplished. He waits on Louis to open his eyes again and he does because Louis feels sated and calm enough to take a deep breath without his insides aching which they slightly are. He has to ask then.

''What happened to me?'' Louis asked, so innocent.

''You don't remember?'' Harry was now utterly worried; was Dr. Sheryl correct about memory impairment? Louis didn't seem to forget him, seems like he remembers the boys as well.

''No, I know what he did and I remember hearing your voice on the phone but that's about it.'' Louis says, struggling for words and breathe, that he has to close his eyes again, unable to keep them open. ''Everything's hazy. And so much blood. Blood on the walls, stairs, snow. It hurt so badly, Haz.''

''Hey, hey, don't think about that now. You're safe.'' Harry says as he brushes Louis' jaw with tender fingers.

''Tell me what happened.'' Louis says as he opens his eyes, like Harry's touches are the ones coaxing him to open them.

''Well, we left the pub as soon as you called and when we found you in the snow, we drove you straight to the hospital and,'' Harry struggled to keep his voice steady now that he remembers the car ride, how hard they tried to keep Louis warm. ''God, you were just so cold and you were hurt, like, allover, Louis. I've never seen anything like it, thought I'd lost you for real.''

''Is that why I can't move?'' Louis asked, concern in his tired eyes. Harry nods and starts listing off his injuries, slowly, carefully and always followed by how each injured part was taken care of and how he's healing up so as not to cause him a panic fit. Harry can never lie to Louis though, even now so he tells him about his internal bleeding, about going into cardiac arrest once. Louis' eyes widen but he keeps silent and lets Harry speak, too tried to stop him anyways. By the end of it, Harry is back on the bed and crying. His shoulders were shaking, his head bent forward, not really resting on Louis' chest but inches from it, his tears dripping on the sheets. Louis wished he could hold him. He uses his worn-out voice instead.

''Hey, don't cry. I can't even wipe your tears. C'mon, Haz.'' Louis says gently, hopes he's guilt-tripping Harry enough to stop. Harry nods and sniffs, wipes his face with his sleeve.

''Sorry; it was just, too much.'' Harry says honestly then he looks at Louis and sees the guilt so he immediately changes the subject. ''But good news is, you're going to improve and get better in a week's time so how about we focus on that, yeah? All you need is to let your body heal itself up on its own accord.''

''In addition to a whole lot of painkillers.'' Louis sighs.

''Still, no worries.'' Harry encourages. ''Like, don't even worry about your sisters, they're safe with Karen. You just worry about yourself, okay?'' Harry says on accident and Louis' eyes widen with panic at the mention of his girls.

''They, they didn't see me like this, did they?'' he asks, his voice weak and wobbly. Harry shushes him instantly.

''Hey, hey, they didn't.'' Harry says as he pats Louis' hand. ''Don't worry about it, Lou. They're worried and they miss you but we didn't want to let them see you like this, didn't want to add to their worry.''

Louis’ eyes shift away as he tries to calm down. Harry sniffs some more and wipes his face again, waits on Louis' every move.

''God, I need to get back to them.'' Louis then says, so utterly stricken. ''Especially the twins,'' Heavy tears are suddenly falling from his eyes that Harry thumbs away. ''But fuck, I'm so tired. Everything hurts.''

''Shh, shh, calm down. You can rest, just sleep as much as you want and get better in your own time. There's no rush, I promise.'' Harry scooted closer, and wipes more tears from Louis' eyes.

''But Frank, he might come for them…'' Louis starts but Harry interrupts, excited to deliver the news.

''Frank's in prison, Lou.'' He says, trying to hide his eagerness. ''The judge sentenced him to ten years, isn't that great?''

''What?'' Louis eyes widen. ''You mean you called the cops? You told them everything?''

''Yes, you thought we were going to let it go this time?''

''Oh God, Harry what have you done?'' Louis tries to get up but the strapping stops him and Harry is quick to push him down by his biceps. Louis was hurting himself, fighting the strapping till his body gave out but he still tried to talk it out, speaking over Harry's voice. ''They'll take my girls away. They'll take them from me. Shit. Help me, please.''

''Louis, calm down, just stop it! You're hurting yourself.'' He said quickly, panic flooding his veins. Lucky for him, Louis didn't have much strength as he sagged against the bed, his face turning as pale as a ghost.

''I need to get to them. I need to…'' Louis was wheezing, his fingers scratching at the sheets.

''Louis, the judge passed temporary custody to Liam's mom.'' Harry told him, finally getting to it. ''They're safe with her while she gets done with paperwork. Everything is going as Liam planned, don't you remember?'' He doesn't bother bringing up Louis' mom as he was already laying out too much for Louis to take. ''So please, don't worry about it. Worry about yourself for once. You're most important right now, okay?''

Louis tried to nod but gasped when he realized he couldn't. He took a couple of deep unsteady breaths and without warning, drifted off to sleep, the beeping of his heart monitor evens out after a little bit.

 

It was afternoon, an hour before lunch when Louis woke up again. The boys had all walked in and found Harry nodding off in his chair only to be startled awake upon their entrance. He didn't mean to fall asleep; it happened by accident but now that the boys were here, he used it as reason to keep awake. He told them about Louis waking up, about his little melt-down. Of course Liam chastised him for causing Louis to panic but then Harry started to slur and that's when it hit them that the boy hadn't slept at all. Emma then confirmed this; surprised that Harry didn't go to sleep even after Louis had finally woken up. The boys listened to him long enough till he said that Dr. Sheryl confirmed that Louis was definitely improving but that his head injury was still cause for further examination but that was about it. As soon as he was done, Liam then picked Harry up with very little struggle from the lad and dropped him on the couch, ordering him to sleep. Daddy Payner was very adamant about it, Harry pointed out in a slur but once his head felt the comfort of the couch cushion beneath it, he easily complied.

After putting him to sleep, Liam sat in his place by Louis' side, waiting. Along with Niall and Zayn, they were just too happy that they didn't bother to do homework, too eager for Louis to wake up. Luckily, Niall pulled out a deck of cards and they started playing Jin.

Niall was thinking out loud about what he's going to have for lunch when a gasp startled them. Liam immediately stood up, forgetting his cards, forgetting everything because Louis' eyes were wide open, almost panicked. Liam immediately ignored the tears about to fall because this is usually the way Louis looked when he'd just woken up from a nightmare. He immediately went into caring, protective mode, pushing past the clog in his throat as he held Louis' right hand and brushed a few strands of Louis' hair peaking from above his bandage.

''Hey, hey calm down. Do you know who I am?'' Liam asked, his voice tight.

Louis’ wide blue eyes shifted as they stared at Liam, scared out of his mind for a minute before his eyes softened with recognition.

''Liam.'' he said and though his voice was weak, the joy, happiness and utter relief in that one word was undoubtedly clear. Liam wasn't one to cry but he couldn’t help it at that moment. He kissed Louis' temple several times, getting words out between every comforting kiss.

''So, glad you're okay. God, I've missed you. I've missed you so much, bro. Shit, I'm crying allover you.'' Liam said as he pulled back, wiping his face with embarrassment.

''Hey, come back here.'' Louis pouted, unable to tilt his head to the side because of his neck. Liam chuckled sadly as he moved his face closer, worried that Louis wasn't breathing properly.

''This better?'' he asked.

''Hey, what about me?'' Zayn asked from behind Liam, impatiently trying to nudge the boy's shoulder away but Niall was also pushing him. They were all gathered on Louis' right, knowing his left side is the one most damaged.

''Zayny!'' Louis called weakly, fond of the way his friends were falling over each other to get to him.

''Hey, I'm not done yet.'' Liam said sternly as he tried to get Zayn off him, pushing at his chest.

''My turn, c'mon.'' Zayn insisted.

''Hey, why am I last? Lou.'' Niall whined, holding unto Louis' fingertips because that's as far as he can reach with the other two boys in the way. Louis laughed weakly, a little out of breathe that it sounded like a cough, which in turn, startled them all to stop. God, it's been a while since they've heard that, even though it wasn't a proper laugh but a laugh nonetheless.

''Niall baby, come here.'' Louis said sweetly, his words coming out in a tired exhale, lungs aching, chest hurting, painkillers fading but shaky fingertips reciprocating Niall's touch. He's always had a sweet spot for the Irish lad, treated him almost like Harry but more like his baby brother than his friend, the way that Harry treated him when he was most vulnerable. Liam and Zayn went weak at the knees at that and didn't mind being pushed aside as Niall stepped over their feet in his rush to get to Louis. The bed was propped up so it was easy for Niall to press his face next to Louis' cheek like he was hugging him without using his arms.

''Lou!'' Niall said contentedly.

''Hey you.'' Louis greeted back, liking the familiar soft baby skin on his cheek. Then Niall pulled back and held Louis' hand to his cheek, IV and all. Louis wanted to burst at the seams because this was his favorite part of Niall. He loved pinching the boy's cheek till it turned red, loved to push his fingers in when Niall puffed his cheeks because it was always a way to get Louis to be playful with him. God, he missed it, he missed the familiarity of all of them and he was glad he could spread his fingers and lay his palm flat on the boy's face even though Niall was doing most of the holding.

''It's so nice to see you!'' Niall said, his free hand gentle and weightless on Louis' shoulder.

''Nice to see you too, love.'' Louis said, happy that his friend is happy though his voice was so tired. Niall made a happy sound before he kissed Louis' palm then laid his hand back on the bed because its strained against the strap above the crease of Louis’ elbow.

''How are you feeling?'' Niall asked then, holding Louis' hand encased in both of his, unwilling to let go. Louis hummed; he doesn't look his finest, he knows that and his eyes are barely steady, his smile weak like he can't keep it and his chest felt inflated.

Niall saw all that and then, his smiley face scrunched up and he just started crying. He ducked his head unto the space between Louis' shoulder and neck, crying on him.

''I'm so sorry. I can't believe this happened to you. I'm so stupid.'' He cried, his words barely audible. Louis couldn't see him so he looked at Zayn and Liam, his eyes worried. Zayn was trying to pry Niall off and Liam was just looking at him with guilt in his eyes.

''Niall, c'mon. Don't stress him out.'' Zayn said urgently.

''Do you remember what I said?!!'' Niall burst as he pulled back, his face contorted in shame and shock. ''I fucking promised him pancakes!!! I mean, who does that??? He was dying, and I was promising him pancakes?? Like, what the fuck is wrong with me??!!''

Louis then remembered. He thought he was dreaming when he heard Niall's voice, and he remembered trying to smile when he imagined that lovely breakfast Niall had described down the phone line.

''I'm so stupid.'' Niall continued to cry on Zayn's shoulder this time as the latter lad held him close and rubbed his back, letting the boy get it all out. ''I'm such a fucking idiot, a big, stupid idiot.''

''I remember that.'' Louis said, startling the boys to look back at him, Niall included. Louis looked at him through warm blue eyes, melting the boy's heart.

''I remember it hurt to smile but it made me smile, Nialler.'' Louis told him truthfully. ''It was good hearing your voice. God knows I thought it would be my last so it didn't matter what you said. Your voice was enough, trust me.''

Niall was crying silently now and Zayn was really trying to hold back. Liam had to look away, finding it unbearable that Louis had to go through that.

''My turn.'' Zayn said quietly as he pushed past Niall. He held Louis' face gently with both hands and kissed his bandaged forehead, once, twice, two long kisses while taking two deep breaths because he doesn't want to pull back with tears in his eyes but that's inevitable so when he did, he wiped them away quickly.

''It is really good to see you.'' He said with deep emphasis, his voice wobbly, his throat in knots. Louis smiled at him, reaching out and catching Zayn's chest because that's as high as he can reach with the strap tugging slightly above the bent of his elbow. Zayn held his hand there, knows that it must frustrate his friend to see his weakness than to actually feel it.

''You look like a vampire, mate.'' Louis said, noticing the halos of Zayn's eyes, dark and lacking of sleep. Zayn knows what he means so he shrugs.

''How can I sleep knowing you're here, yeah?'' he said honestly because that's how it was and its not just Harry that's proof of it.

''Zayn…''

''What?'' Zayn interrupts gently, placing Louis' limp hand on his palm before resting them back on the bed and reaching out to brush a stray strand of Louis' hair. ''You think I can close my eyes knowing you're hurt like this? You think any one of us was capable of that?''

''Well Harry's worst off, couldn't you tell?'' Liam says, standing closer to Zayn so Louis can see him.

''That guy is unbelievable.'' Louis sighs as he closes his eyes, too exhausted to even try but then it grabs his attention. ''Where is he anyway?''

''Asleep.'' Niall said, pointing a finger behind him where the couch was.

''Good, he looked tired.'' Louis said quietly, like he's about to nod off. The boys are actually worried because Louis is quieter than usual and sure, the reason is obvious but they're just not used to it.

''Don't you?'' Liam said. ''I mean, don't stay up because of us. Go to sleep.''

''Yeah.'' Louis said as he took a deep, painful breathe, the strap rising with his chest before returning, like it was so hard for Louis to breathe. Then, he re-opened his eyes.

''How's school?'' he asked in a huff.

''Weird without you.'' Niall admits. ''This is probably the longest you've been away, yeah?''

''Yeah.'' Louis agrees then he looked at Liam. ''What did you tell them?''

''Car accident.'' Liam said warily, understanding what Louis meant by 'them'. He wishes Louis didn't care so much about reputation but what annoyed him further is knowing that Louis really didn't; he just doesn't like people to fuss over him, even his own fellow classmates.

''It was easy considering there was a blizzard and the fact that you didn't show up for battle of the bands.''

''Oh.'' Louis paused. ''How did that go?'' Louis then asked.

''Got 2nd place.'' Zayn answered. ''But hey, those Austin boys didn't even rank the top five so that's a given.''

''Didn’t you sing the encore song?'' Louis asked, sad that the boys didn't win first place after how hard they've practiced.

''Louis,'' Liam shook his head. ''If we hadn't left, we would've been too late to get to you. Forget about battle of the bands, will you?''

''I'm only discussing it to ignore the 'blizzard' part.'' Louis tried to glare but it didn't come out strong enough. ''I mean, who does that? Who drives through a fucking blizzard and…''

''And who throws his son out to die in the cold?'' Liam slammed back, his words making Louis wince. ''God Louis, try to prioritize, will you? You or battle of the bands, which do you think is more important?''

Louis diverts his eyes, hates himself for making Liam mad at him. The fact is though; he put his boys in danger by calling them, making them drive through a blizzard.

''It was just stupid.'' He mumbled. ''You could've gotten into a real car accident and it would've been my fault.''

''And you would've died, Goddamnit.'' Liam interrupted exasperatedly. He waited for that to sink in before he continued. ''You think I give a shit about the bloody weather knowing you were hurt? You think any of us cared about anything else except getting to you? God, you should've seen Harry. I swear I thought he was dying in the car right next to me, choking on his snot and tears, pulling at his hair and this close to wailing. No, scratch that; he was wailing, I thought I was going to lose control over the wheel because of how badly I wanted to comfort him.''

''Louis, we were all a right mess.'' Zayn said as Liam paused to catch his breathe. ''But we would've been worse if we didn't make it in time. You ought to know by now we would go through a triple storm for you because we know you'd do the same for us. Right?''

Louis couldn't look at them, his throat in knots and that wasn't good. Soon, he had to take a breath and blink away the tears clogging his vision. He looked back and reached out to Liam with shaky fingers and gladly, Liam took his hand in both of his.

''You did good.'' He told Liam before looking at all of them. ''I'm proud of all of you.''

Niall actually blushed and Zayn beamed. Liam shook his head.

''I'm proud of you more.'' Liam said. ''You survived, Louis. I sure as hell don't think I could've done that.''

''Trust me; it wasn't on purpose.'' Louis said quietly before he closed his eyes. ''Don't really know how I made it.''

''Well, miracles do happen.'' Niall puts in.

''I guess so.'' Louis sighs before he drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this part;  
> ''like one of those Renaissance paintings of martyred saints. In the dim light of morning, his profile was almost limed in silver, his eyelashes fluttering rapidly like a moth’s wings, casting dancing, circular shadows on his cheeks. He looked too thin, his jaws and cheeks angular and pronounced. Harry wants to kiss every bone in his face. Harry wants to kiss him until everything else goes away but his mouth and Louis’ skin.''  
> was quoted from ''I hear you calling in the dead of night'' by Thelonelycoast. read that fic on ao3, its really good, its marcel!harry and footballer!louis


	27. Let me go home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quotes from part 2 of the sunshine series by significationary and 'beloved' by the whitetoymaker. hope u like this chapter, put a lot of editing effort into it

Louis makes progress slowly and soon, being such an adamant little shit-head that Harry doesn't know why he's still fond of, Louis gets discharged from the hospital after seven days since he'd woken up to Harry.

During the aforementioned week, he had a physical therapist help him out and being stubborn and impatient, Louis worked studiously to get better. He was able to move his right hand completely, wrote lines to loosen up his fingers. He was able to get his right leg off the bed, put pressure on it. His left hand was still in a cast but his shoulder was much better so nothing a sling couldn't fix. His femur still needed at least two more weeks to get healed, so till then he's going to use crutches. His neck still really hurts, can barely sit up on his own without the boys helping him. His head movement stays at a minimum because that aches the most along with his lungs -which he really is gonna need an inhaler for with how hard he's pushing himself- but he can get himself to stay awake more than four hours at a time now so Louis counts it as a victory anyways.

Harry is worried though. He feels like Louis is pushing himself too hard, trying to recover ahead of schedule. So he makes sure he's there with him as much as he can. He has to, especially after Eleanor's call. Her dad had transferred her to Manchester after finally getting some big promotion. It had happened all so fast and she really couldn't have a say when the whole family was all packing up and moving into their new house. She was crying on the phone telling all this to Harry, promising that as soon as she can, she will try to come back and visit. She had spoken to Louis on the phone once but Louis didn't want to worry her with how out of breath he was and utterly shocked he was by this abrupt change of events. Technically, taking up permanent residence in Manchester meant he will never see her again or at least not any time soon and her goodbye at the end of the phone call suddenly meant that they'd just broken up, albeit accidentally said and with no true intent yet it had all happened so smoothly and with too many rushed words and tears that Louis barely felt it. Besides, he had bigger issues to be concerned about.

Harry was kind of relieved that Louis was more focused on his recovery than Eleanor but worried at the same time that it gave his friend the excuse to push himself to the brim. Most of Louis' left got the most damage (according to Louis, that was just his way of trying to protect himself at the time of the beating and probably the reason why he was able to get up many times to escape his dad, by protecting the right side of his body but then again, it really didn't do much). Therefore, Harry made himself a promise; he has to be there every single second that he can afford, because he can’t leave Louis alone, not when Louis’s putting in so much effort.

When Dr. Sheryl and the physical therapist come in for a check-up, they do a full-body exam, testing the limits of what he can do, and Harry is too wrought with worry to appreciate Louis' efforts, because the lad is gritting his teeth, holding his breath, sweating and pushing even further than he’s shown the boys. With his right arm, he clutches unto the crutch and walks to the door of his room then back to the bed three times, wheezing by the end of it and looking very much in pain. It was something to see and marvel at truly but the sight of his neck brace, his head wrapped in bandages, his left arm in a sling and his left thigh in a cast, it was almost child's play to let Louis rely solely on his right arm, actually his entire right side, to do something so strenuous.

After Louis catches his breath and relaxes back on the bed, they bring in a psychologist to see how his brain is doing. She asks him a bunch of questions and runs seemingly easy memory tests that leave Louis tired and breathing out rattled breaths again. He's taken off the oxygen mask at first, but Louis couldn’t help but seek it out by the end when he got worked up and stressed.

Nonetheless, Louis asks to be discharged one week early, saying he can continue his recovery on his own. Harry, never as objective as he wants to be when it comes to Louis, agrees and of course, regrets it because the possible love of his life wants to return to the dangerous reality that is the real world and sure he might be overreacting but this is Louis so of course he will overreact.

''Okay, I don't think this is a good idea.'' Harry says after a nurse leaves with some papers Louis had to sign.

''Harry, I know who's paying the bills.'' Louis says as he pulls off the oxygen mask he's been breathing in to glare at Harry. He knows Anne had taken charge from Karen, considering that the latter is already taking care of Louis' sisters and that Louis would be moving in soon anyways. ''And I am tired of watching my invisible tab increase by the hour.''

''Invisible tab?'' Harry tries to snort but cannot help but chuckle instead at Louis' sense of humor, all intact like it's always been there, hidden under layers of broken skin and now finally resurfacing. ''Really?''

''Look, I'm pretty sure I lost my job at the night club so sue me if I'm making metaphorical…whatever.'' Louis says with narrowed eyes.

''Bloody hell Louis, you're moving too fast.'' Harry tries to be gentle but he is quite exasperated by this boy’s impatience. ''You haven't even recovered yet and you're already thinking about a job?''

''I have a family to support in case you've forgotten.'' Louis hisses and suddenly he's serious. ''Oh wait, aren't you the one who bloody ratted on me and sent my sisters' dad to prison? Hmm, I don't think you can forget that, can’t you?''

''Are you honestly blaming me?'' Harry is suddenly angry.

Louis stares at him for a second, guilt blazing in his eyes before he slightly shakes his head once and sighs, taking a whiff from the oxygen mask, his eyes looking down, cast in guilt. Harry knows that the turn of the conversation is making Louis stressful and he wants to end it for Louis' sake, even though Louis' words just pissed the hell out of him. He knows that Louis didn't mean it, that it's just his stress talking. But it doesn't mean the words don't sting.

''No, I'm not.'' Louis finally says before he looks up at Harry. In that moment, Harry’s eyes couldn't help but notice details that he knew Louis wouldn’t want him to see. He rakes his gaze over the edges of Louis’ hairline, checking for the shadowy bruises underneath his temples hidden by thick gauze. He catches onto the yellowing patch on the back of Louis’ hand and crease of his elbow where the IV and several other needles had been inserted. He also notices that Louis’ cheekbones were gaunt and slightly more defined than usual, that the hollows around his eyes had not yet been erased.

When Louis had walked across the room, Harry noticed how skinny he'd become and to think that he'd already been a skinny thing before yet to see it so prominent was something else. When he'd helped Louis clamber back unto the bed, he noticed how much lighter he had become and judging by the slight impressions of his ribs that Harry could feel beneath the cotton of his hospital gown, he had evidently failed to put on the weight he had lost during his stay. How can Harry not worry? How can he not be on the edge of his sanity and hold himself from snapping when the boy he is in love with was like this?

But then Louis' face morphs into an apologetic expression and before the words come tumbling out of his mouth, Harry already knows what Louis is about to say.

''I am not blaming you, Harry. That was a stupid thing to say, sorry.'' He pauses, his eyes turning bluer than usual if that was even possible. ''It's just that, I'm scared and I know I shouldn't be thinking of my mom to get me out of my problems anymore but I'm in a deeper mess than I was in before because right now, I can't even, I can't even help my…myself.'' His voice starts to shake and his eyes are welling up. ''Let alone my girls and I need to be there for them because, like I know dad wasn't around for them before but he was there, somehow he was there for them, more than for me anyways and now, they've only got me and I'm not whole enough and…and…''

''Hey, hey calm down. Here, breathe.'' Harry says urgently, his hand underneath Louis' as he brings the oxygen mask back to Louis' mouth so he can breathe.

Louis takes two deep gulps before he drops both his and Harry's hand. He sniffs, a couple drops of tears falling before he looks at Harry and smiles weakly. Even with the neck brace and bandages around his head, he looked… almost _beatific_. Harry is finding it hard to breath; of all people to fall in love with, why did it have to be Louis?

''Always taking my breath away, Haz. How dare you?'' Louis says with a slight tease but his eyes are glowing with affection at the worrisome look allover Harry's face.

''Should I call a doctor?'' Harry asks, ignoring the blush creeping across his cheeks at his thoughts. Louis mouths a silent ‘no’, trying to keep his head and neck movement at a minimum. His hand is still touching Harry's so he takes the chance to fiddle with his fingers, putting the oxygen mask aside. Harry's other hand naturally gravitates to Louis' back, rubbing up and down just the way Louis likes, trying to ease off his tension.

''I'm really sorry.'' Louis says, breaking the awkward silence. ''I don't mean it. You know how grateful I am that I don't have to see his face again.''

''You're forgiven.'' Harry answers immediately, with no hitch.

Louis hums.

''Can't wait to get back to school.'' Louis says for a change.

''Can't wait to have you all to myself.'' Harry mumbles before he blushes furiously at how his words sounded. ''I, I mean.'' He retracted quickly. ''Because you know, you promised me free reign and I want it. That's what I meant. Hey, why are you laughing?''

Louis was laughing at the silly goofball he calls his best friend. But now that he recalls his words from long ago, he cannot help but wonder how much trust he's putting into Harry's hands. He had seen the look on Harry’s face when he was walking on his crutch, and he knew that the boy would want a little extra reassurance. He could be one hell of a worrier sometimes. But now, it was obvious that Harry needed more than that. He needed to take care of Louis with his own bare hands, just so that he doesn't feel useless sitting in a plastic chair and letting someone else, even a professional, do it instead.

''I'm laughing because I love you.'' Louis says fondly, easily because this has not changed. His affection for this curly-haired boy in front of him is still as strong as it was before all hell broke loose.

''And because I know you secretly want to have a race with my wheelchair, so.'' Louis teases. They both break into laughter at this. Biting back a painfully big grin, Harry leans down and presses his forehead against Louis’, lingering there with their faces close enough that he could feel his best friend’s smile and the steady, even breaths that he drew. They stay there for several long, drawn out seconds.

''Guess what?'' Harry whispers.

''What?'' Louis asks, wiggling a conspiratory eyebrow at him.

''I also want a saber war with the crutches.''

With their heads still resting against one another, Harry could feel Louis’ shaking breaths falling lightly on his cheek, and he couldn’t resist turning his lips to press a fond kiss onto his best friend’s mouth. Louis breaks into another quiet, giggling fit as Harry breaks contact, grinning widely, and it is disarming him, how Louis’ quiet laugh still makes him feel all warm inside. Harry can’t help it; he goes ahead and kisses Louis’ cheek and forehead too while he's at it, just to make Louis blush harder, smile wider, trying to hold back his laugh. He cannot believe how much he has missed the sound of his best friend’s delighted cackle. It felt like the windows should have cracked and shattered with the force of the joy expanding in his chest.

''We'll see about that.'' Louis says breathlessly and it took Harry a second to remember what they were talking about; ah, saber wars with crutches.

Harry grins; somehow he feels he's getting Louis' approval allover again, even if it's over such a simple thing. He is so gonna be allover him, he thinks as he leans in and kisses Louis' forehead gently, lingering there and Louis not pulling back.

Yes, Louis will wish he'd stayed in the hospital instead of coming home with him, bearing in mind that he's gonna be pampered rotten. But then again, Harry doesn’t regret what he has in mind because he knows it's gonna be nice to see Louis getting so much care and love for a change.

 

Two days before he is discharged, Louis is surprised by a sudden visit from his football coach and his teammates. They all come; every single one of them, even the water boy and it’s a bit overwhelming for them to see him in such a state. Harry and the rest stand back but hover, worried that Louis is being crowded but then Louis is cracking jokes and his teammates are laughing that it's hard to believe that Louis is in the hospital because of domestic abuse.

Harry is glad when Emma ushers them out an hour later because even he can tell that Louis is going to start wheezing any time soon. He refused to use the oxygen mask in their presence, even hid the inhaler under his pillow but as soon as they were gone, he was reaching for the much needed oxygen, taking two puffs at a time. His teammates promised to give him a welcome party when he gets back to school, patting his shoulder with encouragement before the room was finally shrouded in silence.

The next day, Louis' sisters come and visit, upon his request. He's better now, compared to the way he was a week ago. The twins are obliviously happy, Fiz is quiet and Lottie is in tears. Everything was somehow going the way Harry expected until the twins asked about their dad and Fizz asked if she could go back home and get some of her clothes.

Louis didn't know what to say, eyes suddenly filling up with panic before he shifted into big brother gear and took control. He asked Liam if he could go and pack up the girls' stuff which Liam gladly agreed to do, taking Zayn and Niall with him. Louis then asked for some privacy and though Harry was aware that Lottie seemed to already know what her brother was about to say, she lets it happen nonetheless. After all, she didn't know how to explain it to her younger sisters that their dad was in prison because of what he did to Louis, so if Louis knew how to dumb it down for them, so be it.

Harry waited outside with Karen, sitting on one of the hallway's benches for close to an hour. They were quiet albeit a bit awkward. Then, Karen cleared her throat.

''So, I have news.'' She started. Harry turned to her, surprised.

''Okay.'' he said carefully. Her face was neutral and he didn't know what that meant.

''Well, I got word from Jamie. You know, Louis' mom.''

''What?'' Harry started. This is new.

''Yes, she um,'' Karen cleared her throat. ''She got contacted by the court and was handed my lawyer's number. She knows everything, about Louis being in the hospital, her husband or ex-husband, I don’t know, being in prison, her daughters staying with me. She's here in Doncaster, actually.'' Harry's eyes widen at this but Karen continues in her heavy Wolverhamtpon accent, still very evident even after moving in years ago. ''She's staying in a motel, finishing her divorce papers and also, um,''

''What?'' Harry is actually angry but he didn't think he was until he heard the sternness of his voice. ''Isn't she intending to be a proper mother and show her face here too?''

''Actually, we met over coffee two days ago.'' Karen said, finally looking Harry in the eyes.

''I don't understand.'' Harry was truly confused.

''Well, she showed up at my house, carrying bags of presents like it was Christmas.'' Karen sighed. ''The girls were not around so she proposed that we go to the park and have a talk. We had coffee and reached some sort of understanding.''

''What is she planning?'' Harry asked, his voice suspicious.

''She had already planned, Harry and executed.'' Karen said quietly. Harry grew ever more confused.

''A couple of hours after our get together, her lawyer and mine showed up and she handed over her parental rights of her children to me, with the exception of Louis considering he's eighteen and all but yeah, she did that and I promise you, I had no say in it.'' Karen added. ''I was going to fight her in court, I really was but she decided this all on her own, said she would've come sooner if she wasn't too busy getting all the paper works ready.''

‘’But in court, they said the paper she serviced Mr. Frank with said she wanted full custody or summat.’’ Harry was getting more confused. ‘’Karen, what’s going on?’’

‘’She did, Harry. She wanted to take the kids away from Donny but after what happened with Louis, she changed her mind.’’

''Wait, you mean she knew all along?''

''Well, like I said, the court contacted her as soon as the sentencing was over so…''

''No, I mean,'' Harry interrupted, his heart heavy with the thought in his head. ''She knew that Louis was hurt, dying and instead of coming here, she went to you and gave her children up? No offense to you of course but she's in town and yet she still hasn't showed her face to her kids? To Louis?''

''Harry,'' Karen sighed sympathetically. ''I know you won't believe me when I say this and I'm not trying to defend her simply because she relinquished her parental rights over her girls to me but she is utterly devastated.'' Karen said with pure honesty but it wasn't enough to get through Harry's brewing rage at the audacity of Louis' mother.

''She saw the photos of the struggle, the photos of his injuries, given to her by her divorce lawyer after coming in contact with my attorney and she is wrought with shame for letting it happen. I've tried to convince her to come and see him with the girls today but she wouldn't budge. She's too ashamed, Harry.''

''Bloody hell, she ought to be.'' Harry spits. ''I mean, for God's sake, he's her son. That ought to come above her pride or shame or whatever she's finally starting to feel after three years of neglect.''

''You're right, Harry. You are but like I said, she cannot bring herself to face him, no matter how hard I've tried to convince her to.''

Harry sits back and shakes his head, finding no words to say. It's like Louis' mom left her son allover again and he cannot imagine how Louis would feel if he finds out about this.

''Are you going to tell him?'' he asks quietly.

''I don't know.'' Karen said. ''Maybe when he's all settled down and in a better state.''

Harry nodded; a heavy, constricting feeling clawing at his heartstrings.

''I'll take care of him better than her anyways.'' He mumbled.

''Yes, I'm sure he's counting on it.''

 

That night, as he watched Louis sleep, he couldn't help but be a little more affectionate than usual. He felt clingy all of a sudden, like watching Louis and not holding him was some major crime. So here he was, ten seconds after that thought, holding Louis across the waist, his head on the boy's right shoulder. He was starting to get cross-eyed from counting the hairs on Louis’ stubble when the boys finally showed up.

But even after they returned, he still doesn't relinquish his hold. The boys don’t tease him as he had expected though, they’re all quiet. Something's wrong.

''Everything alright?'' Harry asked when the boys entered in silence. Their faces looked sallow and long, sad and just not quite right. He's pretty sure Niall's been crying.

''The house is a mess.'' Liam said. Harry was confused but he didn't say anything. He simply watched as Liam put back Louis' set of keys next to his wallet, still in the metal basin along with his other stuff. He then went to take off his coat and even that he does with frustration. ''His blood is everywhere and the smell is just…'' Liam couldn't continue and when his eyes looked up and landed on Louis, he couldn't help but walk over and plant a kiss on Louis' forehead, fondly and with apparent concern before taking a seat by Louis' left. ''The police didn’t clean up. Everything is as it is.''

''Wait, you mean…?'' Harry sits up now because he knows what Liam means and he just can't believe it.

''Yeah, those photos the cops showed us.'' Niall said, taking a seat next to Liam whereas Zayn sat next to Harry. ''Imagine that but ten times worse.''

''I threw up.'' Zayn mumbled. He didn't think anyone heard him but when his eyes darted, he saw Harry looking at him horrified.

''What? There was blood everywhere…'' he defended himself weakly. He had folded his arms on the side of the bed, his nose close to Louis' knee. It is here, with his face half hidden in the folds of his arms that he looked so young. Harry let go of Louis then and hugged him sideways, draping himself over the boy.

''I'm sorry.'' He said, not knowing what he's apologizing for but feeling like he had too.

''It's alright. At least, we got his things too, for when he moves in with you.'' Zayn said, tilting his head up to look at Harry. With their close proximity, their eyes were almost crossed but he smiled at Harry, happy for him at the prospect.

''Can't wait.'' Harry smiled as he held Zayn close then let's go. He looks back at Louis' sleeping figure with deep emotional devotion, like he's falling in love with him all over again. He truly could not wait though. Everything else can; Karen's news, school, Louis' prospect of ever playing football again. All that can wait, but not this; not Harry finally getting the chance to take care of Louis.

 

''I really think we rushed into this.''

That's what Zayn says as he steers the car down the road towards Harry's house, having a chatty conversation with the boys. Harry was in the backseat, sitting sideways with Louis sleeping between his legs, sagged and completely loose-limbed, like he's trusting Harry completely and Harry is more than happy to take charge. He would've carried him out of the hospital doors bridal-style himself if Louis wasn't so adamant. He had to settle for the wheelchair, though, forced into one, actually rather than hop-walk with the crutches.

''If you don't want me to carry you then you're sitting on this thing. You've got no other choice.'' Harry had told him blatantly, hiding the crutches behind his back.

And for the sake of his pride, wheelchair it was.

It took quite an effort after that, to get Louis comfortable in the backseat but as soon as his head hit Harry's chest, it's like he was right where he belonged. Soon after, with his body swaddled in blankets and with Harry's strong arms around his waist, he fell right asleep.

Harry made sure to keep his movements to a minimal, not wanting to jostle Louis for fear of snapping something. Dr. Sheryl had taken off Louis' neck brace for examination before placing it back, noting it wasn’t completely healed yet. Harry was there when she took it off, revealing a swarm of purplish bruises allover Louis' neck that didn't fade from the pressure of the brace. The bandages were still around his head but in a week's time, he's going to have the stitches removed so not too long before he gets rid of that too. As for his arm and leg, they're gonna have to remain in a cast for two more weeks but Louis' not complaining. Maybe later, Harry thinks, when he can't have his way and has to ask for help, maybe then Louis will voice his impatience but then again, when has impatience ever been one of Louis' ill-virtues?

He thinks that now as he hugs Louis closer to him. Dr. Sheryl had kept him and Anne up to date with Louis' state of mind, saying that it would be beneficial for him to get counseling. When they asked why, she then proceeded to tell them about his nightmares and how on one occasion, his neck hurt so badly from all the tossing and turning that they had to sedate him. Harry was mad that Louis said nothing about this, especially when the boys no longer slept over night at the hospital since Louis was so adamant about that after he'd woken up. And now, Harry feels like Louis did this on purpose, sent them away during the night so that they wouldn’t find out. Louis hadn't even hinted that he wasn't getting good enough sleep and its no wonder Harry had no chance of finding out.

''It's normal for him to be traumatized.'' Dr. Sheryl had said. ''Given the circumstances of what he went through, I won’t be surprised if he has PTSD. But it's also normal for him not to want to talk about it. However, that is an issue that must be dealt with.''

''How could I have possibly dealt with it if he hasn't spoken to me about it?'' Harry whined, utterly aghast.

''Maybe because if he told you, then you wouldn't go home anymore, let alone go to school.'' Anne had said when she saw the sour look on her son's face.

Therefore, with Louis sleeping quietly in his arms, Harry hopes that he is helping enough to be making progress in Louis' life -in terms of his mental state at least- already.

As for the blankets, Dr. Sheryl had warned that he's going to easily get cold and so Harry made sure to bring a bundle of fuzzy, warm blankets with him. He had gone home the night after the boys came back from Louis' place in order to pick them up when he realized that he had completely forgotten to fix up his room. He hadn't had time to do it and chastised himself for only thinking about it with one day left. But Anne was ahead of him. As soon as Harry entered his room, he noticed the change, how one side of his room had all his things and the other had a bed that wasn't there before. With a bashful kiss, he thanked his mom and together, along with Gemma, they fixed up Louis' side of the room, spreading items from the bags that Liam brought that carried Louis' possessions which were, quite minimal.

''We need to get him some proper clothes. These all look really big on him, not to mentioned tattered and worn out.'' Anne said when everything was put in place. Harry had just finished emptying the contents of the rucksack that spanned from Louis’ school books to picture frames of his sisters. He decided to dive through the pockets next, to see if maybe they missed something. But other than a few bottles of painkillers and spare change, there really wasn't much. Liam had brought Louis’ pillow, which Harry intends to thank the lad for, his old laptop, and a mug that said ''best brother''. It seemed very poorly made but very homey in a sentimental sense.

There wasn’t much, Harry can attest to that and knows his mother is right. Louis needs things. Sure, he’s got the basics; both Louis' new phone and his mom's emergency phone as well as the IPod Harry had bought were all bloody when found on Louis' personal but they were functioning so no worries there. Harry also found the boys' birthday gifts to Louis in one of the bags which he suspects Liam made an effort to find and not leave behind. Still, Louis is going to live with them now and he’s going to need things so, Anne sends Harry back to the hospital and says she's gonna go shopping. Harry is eternally grateful...

''Harry, have you heard me?'' Zayn says, looking at Harry through the mirror. Harry sighs; he knows that Louis doesn't look his best and that getting discharged when he's still under the weather may not be the best idea but he's tired of people deciding for Louis. He’s kind of lost the steer of the conversation but he guesses at the gist.

''I heard you, Z. I understand, but trust me a little yeah? Louis will be fine.'' Harry says, holding Louis close when they go over a bump on the road, supporting his neck.

''I trust you, Harry. But I wasn't talking about the whole early discharge thing.'' Zayn says with humor.

''Then, what are you talking about?''

''Nialler, didn't you tell him?'' Liam pipes in, turning around from the passenger seat to look at Niall.

''What? It’s a surprise, innit?'' Niall said. Louis' legs were draped over his lap and Harry wanted to kiss the blonde lad for bringing a pillow, which was now placed under Louis' thighs. Niall had been extra affectionate lately, always hugging Louis whenever he got the chance. It's strange, somehow, to see the boys that used to bathe under Louis' attention, returning the favor by switching roles. Harry likes it a lot.

''Yes, Niall. I understand that part but the surprise is for Louis not for Harry, right?'' Liam says with a smile and with no hint of condescension in his voice.

''What? What's the surprise? Tell me.'' He says as he nudges Niall's back with the side of his foot, snaked behind the lad. He is too tall; his boot is actually up against the door of the car.

''Okay, don't be mad but I bought him a welcoming home present.'' Niall starts.

''Well, nothing wrong with that.''

''You were not included though, and I'm sorry about that. I know you wanted to take part.''

''Um, okay.'' Harry is now worried that Niall might have done something wrong.

''I kind've bought him the grand piano.'' Niall says hesitantly, looking at Harry like the boy might snap him in half.

''You…What?'' Harry is shocked, whether out of joy or insane love for this kid, he is not sure.

''Well, he deserves a good present so why the hell not, you know?'' Niall says in a small voice.

''Mate, I'd hug you right now but my hands are busy.'' He says, gesturing to Louis with his head. ''However, I am one hundred percent behind…''

''Wait a minute, Harry.'' Liam interrupts. ''Don't you think it’s a little bit selfish of him to buy such a present all by himself? I mean, sure the car's ready and all but the rest of us look like dim-wits right now with Nialler here having bought something extra all by himself.''

''Wait, what's that about a car?'' Harry asked, his eyes narrowed.

''We used the prize money from battle of the bands to buy Louis a car.'' Zayn said reasonably. Now this time, the look on Harry's face was not joy but utter betrayal. However, Zayn just rolled his eyes at him through the mirror. ''Honestly Harry, we couldn't just, not buy him something. Besides, you already have first ride dibs, remember?'' he quirked a smirk-like eye-brow at Harry.

''Oh is that so, Malik? Revenge is what this is?'' Harry drawled.

''Oh c'mon.'' Liam intervened. ''We all know we were going to buy that car eventually. We just so happened to buy it without you.'' Liam said, his back almost twisted with how he turned around in his seat. ''Don't be upset you weren't there to give an opinion. Trust us a little, alright?''

''I still can't believe you bought it without me.'' Harry huffed before turning to Niall who had been quiet the whole time. ''And you.'' Harry said with a stronger nudge of his foot this time, causing Niall to yelp. ''I was counting on you to buy that piano together. Now, what do I have to show for?''

''Yeah, I can just imagine the beaming fucking look on Louis' face when he sees that piano and then turns to Niall and Niall alone.'' Zayn pipes in before glaring at Niall through the mirror. ''You know, that was really not fair, not letting us be a part of that too.''

''Look, call me selfish but I do not regret it one bit.'' Niall says with a huff, folding his arms and looking out the window in indignation.

''You know, you guys are a bunch of hypocrites.'' Harry says with a pout. Niall rolls his eyes and turns to him.

''Mate, you're being a proper twat right now. Isn't it obvious that you're the one who out-did us all in the grand scheme of welcoming home presents?''

''What's that supposed to mean?''

''Harry, don't be dim.'' Niall said but it only made Harry frown, making Niall huff out exaggeratedly. ''Mate, you offered him you're bloody house. You're giving him a place to stay, lad.'' Niall paused for effect. ''Now do tell me, how does a car or a piano fucking compare?''

Harry was silent, not knowing what to say.

''But Liam is taking care of his sisters…'' he tried.

''But _you_ are taking care of _him_.'' Niall ended, like he was ready with the answer. Harry didn't have to look to see the fond look on both of Liam's and Zayn's faces. It hit him then that the car and piano were all means of self-preservation to the lads and surprisingly he wasn’t mad at them for it. Even Niall wasn't all that mad; he was actually glowing with gratitude for Harry that did not need words.

''Fine,'' Harry said with a stern look that resembles a pout. He knows the serious part of the conversation is over but when has he ever not been up for a jibe. ''But I'm buying him the new stereo for the car.''

Niall narrows his eyes. ''You wouldn't dare.''

Liam smiles and Zayn is about to laugh out loud.

''I'm even going to buy him a new engine.'' Harry continues boastfully. Niall gasps.

''Guys, guys, enough.'' Liam says as Zayn laughs out loud. ''Look, I think we all out-did ourselves this time, wouldn't you say?''

''Well, I still think we ought to have a share on the piano.'' Zayn says.

''I agree,'' Harry says, looking at Niall this time. ''It’s a gift on the sentimental side. He'll appreciate it more than the car.''

''Fine.'' Niall says when three extra pairs of puppy eyes turn to him. ''You can all have a share but I expect down payments starting from tomorrow, in cash.''

''We're here.'' Zayn then says. He parks in front of Harry's place and snorts when he sees the big red ribbon on the new car parked next to Anne's Corolla.

''Really, Liam? What's with the glam?'' he mutters before he cuts the engine and gets out. Niall eases Louis' feet out of his lap gently as he steps out of the car before he runs to the new car to check it out. Liam ignored Zayn's comment; too busy shaking his head at Niall all so fondly before opening the car door on Harry's side.

Harry is gentle and extremely careful when he carries Louis in his arms, before stepping out. With the bundle of blankets, Louis looked smaller than he actually is, cocooned in cloth and warmth. Harry kisses his forehead fondly.

''Wake up, Loubear.'' He whispers with a gentle, loving voice. ''We're home.''


	28. I think I'm gonna lose my mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know if i did a good job editing this chapter so would u guys let me know?
> 
> Also, this chapter was inspired by a very old fic called ''wide awake'' that got orphaned and was discontinued. if the author is reading this fic, i would like to dedicate this chapter to u because 'wide awake' was at some point in my life, my obsession and i miss it dearly.

Louis feels like he's on cushions made of clouds. He snuggles into the warmth and the feel of safety, of strong arms holding him together.

''Wake up, Loubear.'' He hears the gentle whisper, feels a pair of lips on his hair. ''We're home.''

And it’s the best temptation to wake up to, hearing those words, that voice, huddled in loving arms. His eyes flutter open and he sees green, infinitely compassionate and abundantly caring.

''Harold,'' he smiles as he words the name. Harry smiles back, teeth and dimples in full display and Louis chuckles weakly, closes his eyes to fall back asleep.

''Lou,'' Harry calls him and he hears the pout there without having to see it. ''Don't you wanna see your welcoming home present?''

Louis opens his eyes, stares at Harry for a second, then frowns.

''You didn't.''

Harry grins and before Louis could say anything, he's being lowered to a chair, a wheelchair.

''Trust me, Love.'' Louis squints up, trying not to move his neck.

‘’You’re gonna be properly surprised by this, Lou.’’ Liam says from next to him before he goes behind and starts pushing the chair forward. He narrows his eyes at Harry because he is sure that he must've been the one who packed the bloody wheelchair. 'Mr. Over-the-top', Louis thinks fondly and with a dash of annoyance, because well, it’s a fucking wheelchair.

''Not to mention our taste.'' Liam continues.

''I hate it already,'' he mumbles and looks away. He places his left arm on his lap, careful not to jostle it and takes in a deep breath. He'd been having trouble sleeping and right when he was finally going to have a good one, he finds himself being woken up and for what? A welcoming home present? It's just too much. He hears a familiar chuckle and when he directs his eyes to the source, he sees Harry, who had obviously heard him. Harry walked close by; close enough to his right that when he makes a grab for Harry's hand to keep him closer, it doesn’t take much of a pull. Harry looks back but Louis is blushing and looking down at his lap, annoyed. Harry smiles and doesn't let go.

''Tada!'' Louis is startled when he hears the cheery voices of Zayn and Niall but then they're standing next to a car, a faded blue Honda that obviously looks second hand but is a decent enough car, one he'd never seen before in Harry’s neighborhood and there's a red ribbon, big and catchy on the hood.

Oh shit…

''Well….?''

Louis blinks, staring at the boys, Liam and Harry on one side, Zayn and Niall on the other side of him. He raises his brow at them before he looks back towards the…God he can't even say it.

''Oh, right. Can't believe I forgot this.'' Liam says as he rummages through his jeans pockets for a moment before pulling a key out with a little bow tied on and dropping it on Louis' lap.

''Oh is that to make it official? Jesus Christ…'' Louis couldn't help but snap a little before finally it sunk in. ''You actually bought me a car?''

''Yup,'' they all chorused, Harry squeezing his fingers for good measure.

And they really did. Louis couldn't believe it but there it was, all paint chipped and a little bit battered but now it was all he could see and it practically eclipsed his vision. The model was older, the wheels in need of a fix, but still, they bought him a fucking car.

''You don’t like it.'' Niall whispered; disappointment lacing his voice.

''No…I….''

Louis had driven before, back when he had to sneak out using his step-dad's car to run errands for the girls before the old man found out and gave him one hell of a beating, not to mention he made Louis pay him back for all the gas he consumed, just to make sure he didn't forget about his escapades. It was the summer before he’d met Harry, right after a terrible school year with the whole ‘stairs’ incident thing and Niall’s problems. His step-dad took it as a means to force a bridge between him and Liam and he did so by forcing Louis into job after job until he had four and slept less than two hours a day. His body had no time to do anything but slink through the mud, no time to adjust or think, just work and work and work. Not an ounce of good sleep for a whole summer. Luckily, he was able to pay Frank back before school started and it was only then that he was let off the hook. Its all the more to say that Louis had never had something grand, let alone a car of his own -aside from the piano he had once which he shared with his sisters then had to sell off to pay a debt of Niall’s. He never had anything as big as a car that could be his and solely his.

''It’s no Austin Martin, I know,'' Harry said in a rush. Louis had been staring blankly at the car before noticing the look of despair in the boys' eyes, like maybe they'd made a terrible mistake of not letting Louis choose his own wheels and so Harry felt like saying something quick to control the damage. ''But it was all the money we won from battle of the bands. Like, we didn't know what to do with it and this seemed like the most logical thing to do coz we know you've been saving up for a car and like, you're gonna need that money now for more important stuff, so we were just trying to be considerate and…''

''Listen, Lou.'' Zayn interrupted. ''This isn't charity, okay? We just didn’t know what to do with the money and like…shit; this was a bad idea,'' Zayn concluded.

''Yeah, we're really sorry, Lou...'' Niall began and it's like they're each trying to compensate for a heinous crime or something.

But the whole time they spoke, Louis' eyes raked over the car again and again, thinking of all the possibilities. He could drive his sisters to school now, he won't have to pay Eleanor or some other girl or let Liam's mum do that for him. He could give the boys rides like they always do with him. He could blast music all he wanted. He wouldn’t have to carry groceries for miles before he could set them down.

''Lou, please say something. You're driving us crazy here.'' Harry interrupted with a nervous chuckle whoever it was that was ranting out apologies. The strain in his voice this time snapped him out of his thoughts.

Louis looked up at him, at all of them, as best as he could, straining against the pain in his neck and the muscles in his joints and the pressure on his shoulder. He knows there are tears stinging the corners of his eyes and maybe it's because he's fucking tired and has started to feel cold but he's really touched. If only he knows that Harry is melting at the sight of him, all cuddled in blankets and looking up at them the way he is, sweet loving, like the Louis he'd always known and loved.

''I love it.'' Louis' voice croaked but he smiled and chuckled right after. ''I fucking love it. How are my future gifts supposed to compare to…to this?'' he said with sweet affection as he waved at the car.

‘’You really love it?’’ Harry asked carefully and Louis couldn’t be fonder.

‘’Come’ere you.’’ He pulled at Harry’s hand till the boy got down on his knees. Louis pulled his head to his chest with one hand and kissed his halo of hair. ‘’Thank you baby.’’

Harry’s arm tightened around his waist. ‘’Anything for you, Lou. Anything at all.’’

Louis is not crying. Nope, he definitely isn’t. He looks at the other boys and chuckles wetly.

‘’Get down here, you lot.’’ He told them as Harry got up.

They were careful as they laughed and huddled Louis for a gentle embrace, all the while, Louis murmured sweet gratitude to each of them.

''Wait till you see what I got.'' Niall sing-songed when he got up. Louis' eyes widened at this, almost snapping his head up at him if he wasn't being careful. Liam and Zayn groaned and Harry shook his head at the Irishman.

And well, Harry was right. After he carried Louis upstairs, he was directed by Niall, much to his surprise, to his own guest room, in his own bloody house and there, Louis was shown a brand new grand piano in the corner where Niall had sneakily arranged with Gemma to put it (behind Harry's back, much to his utter dismay). Louis was speechless. He could barely touch the car but he did touch the hood of the piano and well, demanded a hug from Niall at once, much to the rest of the boys' jealousy.

After that was a round of tea and a tour of the house and really, despite all things going on smoothly, Harry was worried. Yes, a lot of things about Louis haven't changed but that doesn't mean changes hadn't occurred. The whole while, from the moment he woke up to present time, in the living room where the boys, Gemma and his mum chatted, Louis had been really quiet. Even when he had woken up in the hospital the first time, he already was. The boys noticed and now, also Harry did. There was dimness in his eyes and a sort of brokenness about him that Harry wishes he could dispel. Oh and the nightmares and restless sleeping. They still hadn't spoken about that.

Which is why the only highlight of Harry's in the week that followed was none other than Louis' simple reactions to his welcoming home presents. Other than that, everything else had finally sunk in and hit the fan.

The next day, Louis was just as quiet, sitting through breakfast barely touching his food that Harry was so tempted to feed him rather than plead with him to eat. It was horrible, having to help Louis sit up in bed only to feed him painkillers so that he can pass out and wait for the pain in his neck to subside. For the first time in such a long time, a conversation with Louis was one-sided and Harry thought that maybe he ought to be patient, that this is just a phase and Louis will get through it, he just has to.

That night, Harry startled awake from the sound of Louis’ screaming. Harry was so terrified he had to wake Gemma up to help him calm Louis down. When Louis eventually fell asleep, Harry decided to remain in bed with him, to keep him from hurting himself when he thrashes around. Anne wanted to give Louis sleeping pills but after consulting with his doctor the next day, she was sternly advised that he doesn't take them as they could muddle up with his painkillers and other medication he has to take. So Louis suffered that night too and Harry woke up with him to calm him down.

Its day three and Harry doesn’t sleep, long after Louis had closed his eyes and drifted off. He wants to be ready for when Louis' fears would strike a blow, wants to be prepared for seeing the love of his life get frenzied and terrified so that he can calm him down immediately.

Harry had figured out in the harshest way possible that its not just nightmares of how Louis' step-dad had hurt him that plagues his love at night but also the fear of any sort of closeness. He wonders, as he pulls Louis closer and breaths him in, how someone can live through something like that, wonders how he can shake it off of Louis and bury his demons away...

Harry jumps awake, not aware that he had fallen asleep, and now his heart is in his throat, because he isn’t prepared for the sound of horrible, heart breaking screams. Tumbling out of bed, thinking he was in his own instead of in Louis', he falls on his arse and hisses at the pain shooting up his spine. But that is quickly ignored as he pulls himself up; terrified that somehow Louis had hurt himself. After all, his insides are still healing, his neck is still wearing the brace and his arm and leg are still in casts. Something could be going wrong-

But there's none of that. Instead there's Louis, legs tangled in the blankets, feet sliding up and down the sheets, hands grabbing at nothing, tears streaming down his cheeks. Harry drops to his knees on the bed beside him and grabs his right hand, but that only makes him thrash harder.

"Louis, darling?" he whispers gently, always gently, but Louis can't hear him because he's too busy crying. For a while it’s just that and Harry wonders if he made up the screaming that woke him up in the first place. Then just as suddenly, Louis is wailing at the top of his lungs.

‘’Jesus Christ.’’ Harry mutters, caught by surprise, snapping out of his sleepy daze now. Louis tries to push away, stares at nothing when he opens his eyes, terrified, unseeing eyes, trapped with monsters inside his own head. Harry grips his hand harder, afraid that Louis might tumble off the bed.

"Louis, it's only me, it's me, come on, love, look at me, come on..." Harry murmurs, snaking his free hand through Louis’ hair, fingers scratching his scalp gingerly, sweetly, assuredly.

Louis jerks and sits up, trying to push himself into the other side of the bed away from Harry, looking around wildly. His eyes come to rest on Harry, no longer blank and stuck in a dream and Harry sees tension seep from his face, morphing into relief. He slumps back down into the mattress, breathing heavily, and his grip tightens around Harry's hand. Nothing is said. Nothing needs to be said. This is the third time Louis has woken up like this and Harry knows Louis doesn't want to talk about it. Louis knows Harry understands what the dream was about and doesn't need to reassure him anymore, because he's safe now.

It would have gone okay, Louis' loud breathing ceasing and him going back to sleep, Harry remaining by his side for a good ten minutes, waiting for his own state of mind to calm down if the door hadn't opened at that second.

Even without a clear view, Harry knew it was just his mum, judging by her silhouette but to Louis' very frightened mind, it was a door finally cracking open, a door bursting through the lock, revealing a monster that has come to hurt him.

''No!!! No!!!! I didn't do anything!!! Help!!!!'' Louis screeched, hysteria raking his very being.

''Louis, stop its just mum. Louis!!'' but Harry wasn't quick enough to hold him back as hard as he should've. Within seconds, Louis’ leapt up from the bed only to tumble off it, falling with a broken yelp and a cry of pain.

''Louis!'' Harry registered his mom's voice along with his but didn't care as he hopped off the bed to get to the other side where Louis was trying to crawl into a corner, his casts making scratch noises against the wooden floor and his voice cracking and hitching, still screaming and shouting and sobbing so, so hard.

Anne was trying to help, knowing that Louis was going to hurt himself like this. His cries woke her up and she just wanted to see what was wrong but upon her approach, Louis just screamed harder like he was stuck in some horror movie.

''No!!!! Frank, no!!! Please!!!! Somebody, please help me!!!!''

Anne backed away here, terrified, knowing she was doing more harm than good. On the other hand, Harry wanted to throw up.

''What's going on? Haz?'' Gemma said from the door and Harry wanted to curse because Louis was going berserk, clawing at the wall as if he wanted to push through and get to the other side.

''Get out, all of you, please!'' Harry cried, hoping the desperation in his voice will override his rudeness.

''Let's go, Gemma. C'mon.'' Anne ushered hurriedly even before Harry finished his sentence, taking his sister outside and quietly closing the door.

Harry immediately turned to Louis, distraught at the sight of his friend, still so very terrified, trembling visibly, flinching at the littlest of noises. He let out a scream so loud when Harry approached that it came out as a squeak.

''Louis, please…'' Harry begged.

It was the worse, the absolute worse he'd seen of what Louis' nightmares could do and he hates himself for letting it happen in his own house, for allowing Louis to tumble off his bedroom floor, looking panic-stricken, with his knees to his chest, his body pressed up so tightly against the corner, his face plastered against the wall, and all Harry can do is kneel right in front of him. He has never felt so paralyzed in his helplessness.  
"Boo, please...it's just Harry.'' He says, tears in his voice. ''It's just me now, okay? There's no one here, love. Just you and me." Harry whispers, hoping he’s getting through to Louis but in the dim light of the moonlight, Harry can see fresh tears beginning to fall, sobs breaking from Louis' weak chest. Harry wants to fetch his inhaler but he doesn't want to make startling movements. His fingers ached to pull Louis up into his lap, press his lovely face to his neck, but no, he was going to have to live with this, live with the sight of Louis sobbing and gasping for breath while he knelt there and watched. Louis clutched at own shirt, like its stickiness to his skin was as heavy as the air he was trying to breath in, his tears and spit wetting his face, begging for mercy. Harry wants to wrap his arms around Louis, let the boy claw at him rather than his own skin and draw out blood. 

He did his best to use a soothing voice to console a weeping Louis while watching said boy suck in air, desperately trying to catch his breath. He was hyperventilating harder than he knew was possible. Louis seemed like he couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, could barely register the low hum of Harry's voice. But unlike what Harry thought, Louis was trying to get it together, he really was; he latched onto where Harry's voice was coming from because it was the only safe thing he had right now. He strained his ears, pushing desperately back on the blackness in his brain. He listened as hard as he could until individual words shattered the darkness. 

''I'm here, baby. I'm here, I love you. I…'' But all that was forgotten as soon as he opened his eyes and saw a shadow hovering over him. He closed his eyes and whimpered, keening desperately from the back of his throat. If his step-dad was behind his back like what happened before, then it was over and he was going to die right there, right there...

"GO AWAY!" Louis yelled, pressing himself into the wall again. ''I don't want you here! PLEASE!"

Harry looked shocked and miserable. He never knew words could hurt so much. Louis had apologized before whenever he remembered screaming at Harry during nights like this and Harry had accepted it easily but it doesn't mean he'd forgotten nor could he bring himself to forget because he was trying. God help him, he is only trying to help.

"Louis," he said, reaching out almost instinctively. "Please let me…"

"NO!" Louis shrieked. "NO! STAY AWAY! I'LL HURT YOU!"

Harry was shocked. Louis had never, ever threatened him and he actually flinched. It took a full minute for him to realize that Louis was not really addressing those words to him and that whatever shadow he was seeing was just the curtains forming shapes amidst the dim moonlight streaming through the window.

"You - you - Louis,'' Harry choked out, still hurt form Louis' sharp words. ''I just want to help you, please."

But Louis couldn't hear him with his heart pounding so fast, thumping ferociously, fear and terror drenching him.

''Louis, please. Let me help you. I…Can you let me take you to bed at least? The floor is cold and I don't want you freezing. I'll leave you alone after, if that's what you want, okay?''

Louis didn't look like he knew if he should nod or not and ended up not answering. Harry assessed it that way and so he tried to take a good guess and hope Louis will allow this so he skidded forward. Louis looked beyond distraught, so paralyzed with fear and Harry hoped he wouldn't notice his approach at all, hoped the distance from the floor to the bed was minuscule so that he could bring Louis there in one stride and Louis wouldn't freak out and fall out of his arms.

"Okay, Lou? I'm gonna take you to bed. I'll put a blanket over you then I'll leave you alone, okay? Just like you want, yeah?" he whispered then leaned closer to scoop Louis up.

Alarm bells screamed because what Harry didn't see was that Louis had opened his eyes at that moment and he saw Harry's shadow hovering over him and it was the worse trigger ever, a reminder of a dreadful, snowy night, a letter falling, ColdPlay's music in the background, his mind reeling with a menacing voice, a wall covered in blood...

"NO!" Louis shouted, pressing myself even harder in to the wall. "NO! DON'T PICK ME UP! Don't touch me! I'll die! I'll die!"

Harry drew back sharply. His eyes were hooded, trying to remain calm but there was raw pain searing through his irises at the words coming out of Louis' mouth. But he cares. He cares too much to walk away. No, he will never abandon this boy, not in a million years, not ever and therefore, he pushed on, fighting the urge to call Liam on the phone or Louis’ sisters because he wants to do this. He needs to do this.

"Lou, listen to me." he began, voice laced with distress.

"No," Louis whimpers, words barely coherent. "No. I don't wanna hurt any more. I CAN'T take it. I'd rather kill myself if - if - if he... please, stay away."

"Why would I let that happen, huh?'' Harry cried. ''I love you. Why would I let anybody hurt someone I love, Lou?" Harry asked in a puzzled tone of voice. "Look, please…just breathe and after you do, can you tell me what happened in your nightmare so I can fix this?"

Louis closed his eyes, squeezing more tears out of himself, trying to steady his breathing. Harry hoped it was easier that way, for Louis to hear Harry's voice with his eyes closed than to keep them open and get distracted from him by seeing shadows of monsters, by startling at dark non-existent phantoms roaming behind his back. No, Harry hoped that his voice was enough to inform Louis that there was none of that with him, no one but a darling boy with a sweet voice, a gentle voice trying to soothe him…  
"In my nightmare...he’s...he’s there.'' Louis stuttered out. ''He's always there. He's hurting me and I feel it, every punch, every…" his voice gets higher in pitch and volume. "It doesn't make much sense. I know it doesn't but I…in my dreams, I feel it allover again, every…every word, every whip, every bruise. I…I just…I feel my bones snapping and it hurts like they're breaking allover again and I can't take it. I can't breathe and I…" his voice cracked, tears sprouting like a flood dam, and suddenly, he was yelling and banging at the wall with an outstretched palm.

"I can't take it!!!! I can't breathe! I can't! I'm suffocating!!! OH, GOD, PLEASE, JUST DO SOMETHING OR ELSE I'M GONNA D..!"

Light from cars passing by streamed through the room, causing shadows to dance but Louis did not jump or scream. No, he couldn't, not when he was cut off with the sudden crashing of someone's lips against his.  
Alarm bells were ringing, Harry was certain, screaming, 'too close, too close!' But such piercing sound was squashed with a torrent of emotions.  
Harry was crying, hurting for Louis but said lad is still and always will be at the forefront of his mind, almost coming first above all else, above himself at least. Louis was suffering horribly tonight, literally demanding comfort and maybe Harry is being a bit selfish because he doesn’t want to hear more hurtful words tumbling out of Louis' lips that he couldn't help his actions, could not stop his limbs from moving as his hands cupped Louis' face, stroking his cheeks.

The kiss was salty, from his tears and Louis'. Unbeknown to Harry, but Louis found his curly-haired friend so achingly warm that he found himself leaning in almost hungrily, needing something to just... just save him, even if it was from himself. Harry's hands felt like feathers on his cheeks and his heart swelled with love that it hurt. But it was relief, heaven from his mind-blowing mental torture.

At last, Harry pulled back, and rested his nose against Louis', looking at him directly in the eyes, sparks lightning up his irises.

Another tear slipped down Louis' eyes and Harry brushed them away absently.

"God, I want to protect you, sweetheart," he muttered.

Another sob escaped Louis' throat, and another, and another, and he felt like crying all over again, because he wants that too, he wants Harry to protect him, he wants his mind to accept Harry’s comforts already. But he was too tired, too lost for words. Harry sensed this, more attuned to Louis when his walls were down, crumbling at his knees.

Finally, Harry took his chance and cuddled Louis close, pulling him onto his lap, letting his head bury itself into the crook of his neck.

"Haz…’’ Louis speaks after a moment of sniffling and breathing.

‘’Yeah babe?’’

‘’Am I…am I okay?" Louis piped up, speaking in between hiccoughing sobs.

"I don’t know." Harry answers sympathetically, tracing circles on the back of his darling boy’s head.

"W-Well, am I gonna be okay or will I just break and shatter like this every night?"

"No, Louis." Harry says in a hushed voice, immediate and certain. "No, definitely not. This isn’t forever, babe. I promise you that."

"Okay," Louis whispered, breathe hitching. He was getting Harry's shirt wet from the left over tears on his face, but Harry wasn't complaining, used to it.

"Can I take you to bed, m’love?" Harry asked then cursed inwardly when he realized the last part of what he'd just said. Since when did he spout such cliché words out loud?

"Not if you stop holding me." Louis muttered then blushed.

"Okay," Harry agreed with a smile. He likes giving Louis what he wants and he likes being completely fine with it. He reaches out and brushes a strand of Louis' hair aside, careful with not putting too much pressure on the bandaged parts. He realizes that he's been agreeing to a lot of stuff lately, all to satisfy Louis like he's serving his hands and feet.

Louis doesn't want it to continue, this feeling of being helpless and small. Harry knows that. He knows that Louis wants to get back up on his own and it must frustrate him to know that its gonna take longer than he expects and that he has to rely on Harry a little more but Harry is fine with that. He just hopes that Louis will be fine with that too someday and that for now, he’s fine with leaning all his weight on Harry and trusting him completely.

Louis shut his eyes after Harry pulled him even closer before getting up and carrying him almost reverently back to bed. Harry didn’t move to the side though, keeping still with Louis in his lap and Harry vaguely remembers that night when he had snuck into Louis' room for the very first time, how he had held Louis' little body just like he was now, sitting up against the headboard, keeping Louis close.

''You did so good, baby, coming back to me,'' Harry whispered after a while. ''I’m so proud of you for that, I always am really. And you’ll be okay, you know. Everything is not okay now but you will be and you’re safe, you know. You’re very, very safe, right here with me, love.''

''I'm safe.'' Louis repeats the words, almost foreign on his lip after his major melt-down.

''Yes you are because I’m right here, I’ve got you.'' Harry nuzzles into Louis' hair, breathing him in, ignoring the scratch of Louis' bandages against his neck. ''You are so strong, I can hardly compare. God, I love you so much. I can’t stand it when you're hurt like this. I love you too much to bear that. But I'll bear it anyways, because I'd do anything for you, literally, anything Lou. I just wish I could make it better, keep you from sleeping even, so that you don't have to dream him up. But I love you so I want you to rest. You know that, right? I love you, so, so much.'' he kept murmuring the words on repeat, over and over until they broke through and registered. He kept saying them until they settled underneath Louis' skin and in the hollow of his belly.

 Harry felt the physical change in Louis, felt the shift and the quick intake of breath. He kissed him then, lifting his chin and attached their lips. This time, it was a hard kiss and with so much emotion, his own leftover tears mixing with Louis'. Louis gasped against his mouth, never having received such a not-friendly kiss from Harry before, a kiss based more on heat than comfort so he pulled back, scrubbing his face with the heel of his hand, hoping that Harry couldn't feel his blush. But Harry was not paying attention to that as he scurried for Louis' lips and kissed him again, longer this time, until Harry pulled away and let him breathe. Louis pulled out his inhaler from his pocket and chuckled when he felt Harry seize with panic then relax when he heard that light, tired sound. Harry rubbed his back underneath his shirt as Louis took in gulps of breaths, pressing the pads of his fingers in where Louis’ spine dipped, gathering all his loose ends and pulling him in, tying him up and putting him back together. 

Fifteen minutes later, they lie down properly. Harry doesn’t shuffle away, stays close, breaths Louis in. Louis slowly relaxed after that kiss and began to look sleepy again, so Harry tugged the blankets up and covered them both, Louis first then himself.

Before he had even gotten comfortable, Louis was already asleep, and he looked cherubic, like a seven-year old.

Harry couldn’t sleep though. He couldn't bring himself to because of the obvious, because of that kiss. He knows about his own feelings towards Louis but he wonders if his and Louis' relationship shifted that night, wonders if maybe it was too soon, if the kiss was bad-timing. It was those swirling thoughts that finally got him to drift off just when the sun was rising.


	29. Give in to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was inspired by the following amazing fics:  
> Don’t let me go and part 1 of the concoction series by significationary  
> Wide awake (orphaned fic)  
> A reason to believe in something more by sorcxita  
> A little bit delirious by skiptothelu

The next day, Harry wakes up and does his usual routine. He never leaves the bed without giving Louis a kiss first, making sure he's calm and deep in sleep.

Louis looks quite exhausted when he checks on him but that's nothing new, what with the constant nightmares, even two weeks later since he’d moved into Harry’s house. His neck is always aching too and that is why, as soon as Harry showers and gets ready for school, he places a glass of water and Louis' prescribed pain killers on the bed-side table near said lad.

''I love you.'' He whispers to his hair before straightening up and is out the door.

He gets used to school without Louis, so do the boys. He gets used to blanking out and replaying memories in his head, of times passed in hallways and classrooms, gym and cafeteria, of all of them being with Louis, hanging out with him, talking, conspiring, giggling, teasing, just everything that involved him, whether a certain joke he said or the way the light caught his hair.

The boys notice Harry’s distance but they too are caught up in anecdotes of Louis like he is all that ties them together now and not their own friendship with each other.

All in all, they miss their Louis.

Harry goes back home knowing that Louis would be exhausted after his work out with the physical therapist. It’s one of only two things that he'd agreed to since moving in, the second being a tutor, to help him keep up with his studies while he stays home and recovers. He had been vehemently against counseling though, refusing it to a great amount so the physical therapist and the tutoring is what they settle for.

When he got back home, Louis is in bed, reading. He gets tired easily these days, juggling between his work-out sessions and his lessons with Ms. Bates, his tutor so he doesn't get out of bed often. He's doing alright in both aspects though, pushing himself as hard as always and therefore he ends up either sleeping or relaxing, whether in his and Harry’s room or on the sofa downstairs in worn exhaustion.

Harry doesn't miss anything though, as Anne usually fills him in on everything when Louis doesn't. She'd shifted her hours to the night shift to be home with Louis so now when its time for her to go to work, it's usually when the boys come by and Louis goes downstairs so he and the boys can clamber in the living room and do their homework together. Harry loves it as he is certain it brings about a sense of normalcy.

Louis is also very much himself when he is with the boys, even giving them his tutor notes so that he can help them with questions and stuff.

''Am knackered.'' Niall says, leaning against the back of the chair, yawning his words out. They’d been going at it three hours straight now, snacking and studying, keeping Louis up with anything new happening in school, all to which he responds to quietly. The boys get used to that too.

''Well I brought the avengers movie.'' Liam suggests. ''Anyone care for a break?''

''Yeah, I could use one myself.'' Zayn says, rubbing at his eyes.

So, Harry pops the DVD in and they all clamber on the sofa and the floor to watch the blockbuster film.

Louis is sleepy half way through, despite all the action noises coming from the screen. He's cuddled on Harry's lap, head on the boy's shoulder, a pillow on his lap where his left arm rests, a blanket draping his legs. Harry's arms are wound around his waist, keeping him steady.

''Sleepy?'' Harry whispers when Louis closes his eyes.

Louis curls up like a little kitten and cuddles into Harry more, clinging to the pillow, warm against his stomach. “Been up since you left.’’ He murmurs.

‘’Good day?’’ Harry asks gently, trying not to pry.

‘’Hmm.’’ Louis hums and doesn’t elaborate. It doesn’t matter, Harry will know later from his mom.

‘’You wanna sleep?’’

‘’Yeah, give me a few hours,” his words fuse together, on the verge of sleep. “I’ll be alright.”

“I’ll give you as long as you’d like.”

Not even ten minutes later, Louis was already asleep. He doesn’t pretend to stay awake for the ending.

''Too boring for him?'' Zayn teases when he notices that Louis had drifted off. Harry chuckles.

''I guess.''

''Hey,'' Liam pouts at Zayn.

''Sorry.'' Zayn grins. He is not sorry.

''Let’s lower the volume down, no need to wake him up.'' Harry says with a smile. He pulls the cushion out of Louis’ grasp and tugs the blanket higher before picking Louis up and standing with the boy held tight against him.

He goes upstairs, taking his time, keeping his steps smooth so as not to jostle Louis.

The boys notice how Harry is always as careful as ever especially when Louis' body looks small in Harry’s arms, fragile as a baby deer. He'd taken a shower a few minutes before the boys came so his hair is cold and damp, but he’s warm inside the clothes he's donned in.

Harry keeps the door ajar just in case Louis needs help getting up and joins the boys downstairs. They finish the rest of the movie then talk for a while and that usually composes of Harry filling in the boys on Louis' condition. He can’t hide anything from them and he knows it upsets them when he tells them about Louis' nightmares, yet they always insist to know, and as it always goes, he complies.

They go back to doing their homework and not even an hour later, Harry hears the sound of uneasy breathing. Zayn’s headphones are in so he can’t hear. Niall had excused himself to the bathroom and Liam’s head is tilted, his brow in a frown.

‘’I’ll go check on him.’’ Harry tells him and is up from his seat before Liam can reply.

He takes the steps two at a time and when he finally enters the room, he realizes warily that Louis is having a nightmare.

"Louis..." he says warningly as he sits on the side of the bed, hand outstretched but not touching, unsure of what would happen, just like every time. If only he knows that Louis feels the same way.

Louis suddenly cries out and almost sits upright, but Harry is quick to react, pushing him back down onto the bed, before he can hurt himself.

Louis cries out again, this time in despair and fear, turning away from Harry so Harry lies down, gets under the blanket and spoons him, trying not to apply pressure to his arms or torso, holding him as loosely as he can around the waist and doing his best not to let him go or worse, hurt him.

"It's okay, babe," he breaths into his ear. "It's okay, it's fine. It's only me. It's just me."

He knows what Louis dreams about and he knows that if he can seep into Louis' mind that his step-dad is nowhere near him and that it's just his best friend in the room with him, then Louis would settle down and go back to a dreamless sleep.

Louis' breathe catches into a sob.

"I didn't mean to…" his voice comes waveringly, barely a whisper, his hands struggling to push Harry away.

"No, no," Harry console him. "You've done nothing wrong, babe, okay? You're good. You're so good and I won't hurt you, Louis, okay? It's just me. It's Harry. It's just Hazza. I love you so much, just be okay, okay? It's all alright."

"I'm sorry!" Louis cries out, crying now, fighting his best friend fiercely, scratching at his arms holding him close, but he's weaker now, because he hasn't been eating that much, too busy getting caught up in his mind during the day, too busy not getting enough sleep during the night and Harry can handle him, as much as it pains him to admit it because he doesn't want to handle Louis. He wants to fix him. He wants Louis to be okay.

"I forgive you," Harry says softly to the back of Louis' neck, all drenched with sweat. "I forgive you for anything you think you did wrong. I love you, Louis, and it's all going to be okay. Please, believe me."

Louis gives a helpless cry before he collapses in on himself, a tear sliding down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he breathes, his voice trembling. He heaves in another breath, and then calms down, his breathing becoming even and regular.

Harry slowly relinquish his stiff hold on him, and just lets himself look at him.  
Louis has always been beautiful to him and that hasn’t changed even now, even if has faint bruise-colored bags under his eyes, hair all mussed up above the bandages wrapped around his head and not perfectly messy like it usually is. The gel he uses is all loosened and his hair is doing that fly-away thing again, brushing his eyes. There's a dry tear trail running down the length of his face, like he'd been crying long before Harry entered the room. His lips are slightly parted. He doesn't look half perfect, but that just makes him more good looking, more beautiful.

Harry sighs quietly, and gets up. He can't usually go back to doing anything after Louis' nightmares, the thought of being useless once again plaguing him. He goes to his balcony window for now and stares till his legs tire and he feels his brain turn to mush.

‘’Is it always like this?’’

He startles at the sound of Liam’s voice and turns to find the boy joining him, looking at him with sympathy.

‘’It’s usually worse.’’ Harry replies honestly.

‘’I see.’’

They stare out at the window together and to his utter amusement, it's snowing, small, whooshing snowflakes tumbling from the sky to the ground. They sway carefully, a few landing very precisely on the balcony railing, piling up with the others. It's obviously been snowing for a while, because everything is dusted a pure white. Harry would find it insanely angelic if it wasn’t for that one dreadful night.

"I hate the snow," Liam says softly, like he’s speaking Harry’s mind.

‘’Same, mate.’’ Harry sighs.

‘’Do you think about it?’’

‘’Almost every day.’’ Harry replies before he corrects himself. ‘’No; every day.’’

‘’Is he still refusing counseling?’’ Liam asks.

‘’Unfortunately.’’ Harry’s feeling the weight on his shoulders get heavier by the second. Liam sighs.

They don’t say anything after that, keep staring out the window till Liam’s phone buzzes and its his mum.

‘’Time to go home.’’ Liam announces before he turns to Harry. ‘’You want me to stay though? We can have a sleepover.’’

‘’No, you’ve got stuff to do remember?’’ Harry reminds him and he does have stuff to do; he’d been putting off hanging out with his own sisters because he’s too busy taking care of Louis’ when he gets home.

‘’Yeah but I can…’’

‘’But you won’t.’’ Harry interrupts gently. ‘’Louis won’t let you.’’

Liam chuckles; he knows Harry’s right.

‘’Well, call me then, any time, alright?’’

‘’Will do.’’

Liam hugs him, longer than he usually does and Harry doesn’t mind. He seems to need it today.

They go downstairs together to find Niall and Zayn with their faces stuck to the window, staring at the downpour of snow. It makes for a proper laugh and Harry hugs them goodbye as they pack up and leave. Harry sighs as he closes the door. After that, he cleans up a bit then starts preparing dinner. Robin is coming back home from his business trip so he makes beef roast and potato mash for the occasion. Gemma is leaving for the night, going back to Sheffield, back to her university life so Harry makes sure he puts all his mad cooking skills to its full powers.

Louis sleeps long and Harry can’t help but make short trips upstairs to check on Louis. He feels like he’s been given a great responsibility; taking care of Louis, tending to his every need when he can’t himself anymore.

Louis is huddled up small without him, so Harry spreads another blanket over to the smaller boy, slips a fluffy pillow under his arm so that he'd have something to cuddle into when he stirs awake. Louis doesn’t feel it; he's out cold.

Harry goes back to the kitchen and puts final touches on the food. The aroma fills the kitchen with heat and not too long after he starts setting the table, Louis stirs awake.

His hair is all rumpled, his limp an ever presence in his walk. Louis comes over to him then, bare feet padding softly over the floor. He almost trips, getting caught up in the end of the too-long joggers he'd adorned for the occasion, and smiles apologetically at Harry. ''Smells great.''

Harry swallows the bile that had reached his throat when he caught the almost fall as soon as he'd turned around to the sound of Louis' voice. He keeps forgetting to get Louis a new pair of joggers, something that actually fit him and didn't cause him to almost trip half the time.

''Hey you.'' He says almost too sweetly to cover up his panic. They go for a hug simultaneously before Harry sets Louis back down on his feet. He always hugs Louis too intensely these days but Louis doesn't seem to mind all that much.

Louis sits in the nearest chair within his reach and grabs Harry's hand gently to sit by him. He's all dainty-sized in the dining room chair, small in the sweater he's wearing. Harry sits across from him and squeezes his hand, feeling altogether too in awe to be in the presence of such a beautiful little person, a boy that he is too in love with to care about anything else.

''Your mom is not home yet?'' Louis asks quietly.

''Yeah, but she's on her way.'' Harry answers. It then occurs to him that he hadn't told Louis that Robin is coming home tonight. They had never met before, Louis and Robin. Harry realizes that now but he has mentioned him to Louis on a couple of occasions. He's about to tell him when he hears loud banter outside.

''Ah, that's them.'' Harry mutters.

He leaves Louis by the table, misses the part where Louis tries to grab a hold of him, obviously confused by the numerous sounds from outside. Harry opens the door and sees that Gemma had caught up with their parents, having gone out to catch up with her friends all day then buy necessities for her trip back to Sheffield.

''Harry!'' Robin says, letting go of both ladies by his side to give Harry a massive hug.

''Hey, Robin, good trip?'' Harry says, already feeling jolly at the prospect of a good family reunion.

''Great trip. How've you been?'' Robin asks, ecstatic.

''Fantastic, really…'' his mom pecks him on the cheek as she and Robin waltz by.

''Umm, smells delicious, darling.'' Anne comments.

''Yeah, I made…''

''Hey you big oaf!''

''Oof.'' Harry is hit back by a weight that threw itself at him, the weight being his hippie of a sister.

''Is that how you greet your smart, genius of a sister?'' Gemma says, the momentum of her weight causing him to twirl her around.

''What's up with you?'' he says as he laughs out loud, setting her down and noticing the crazy gleam in her eyes. He gasps dramatically. ''No, you got in?''

''Yup, Germany all the way, baby. The internship is all mine for the taking! Woohoo!'' she jumps on him again and this time, Harry is ready to pick her up, laughing and hooting, his excitement hitting the roof.

''Oh right! Good for you, Gem!'' he says as he twirls her around and his eyes catch the sight before he hears the words.

''Harry, need your help here.'' Anne says with caution.

Harry puts Gemma down and his excitement dies away as soon as he sees the look of panic donning Louis' face.

 

His heart pounds and his chest heaves. It doesn't make sense, why he's reacting like this to Harry's step father but nothing makes sense anymore, not his nightmares, not his body, and certainly not his mind. He sees them pass him by, going upstairs, Anne throwing him a quick hello, yelling an introduction of Robin upstairs before they proceed down towards the dining room. He tries to concentrate on the display of affection between Harry and Gemma but he wants to cry. Goddamnit, he's fucking scared, fucking losing his head because he can hear them coming downstairs, hear his voice and shit.

Fear invades him unlike anything he ever felt. He releases one shuddery breath and then another, trying to breathe regular, but his lungs are tight, he's not sure if any air will ever fill them again. He's still watching Harry, watching him smile, and Louis doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to go back to the way it was so that the smile on Harry's face doesn't go away because of him.

 _'Its just Harry's step-dad. He's not like my step-dad. Surely he's a good guy. He won't hurt me. Yes, he won't hurt me.'_ He keeps telling himself, trying to count his breaths but they're in tandem with the footsteps approaching him, the sound of leather soles squishing against stairs getting closer and shit, shit, shit, he remembers what it’s like getting stomped on the face by it. Shit.

''I believe you're Louis, Harry's friend?’’ the gruff, baritone voice of a man says and he’s hearing Frank all over again. ‘’I've heard so much about you, kid…''

His reaction is instinctive, jolting off his seat and slapping the hand of the man away as if he were about to get electrocuted, squeezing himself back against the wall, because shit, his path is blocked and he can't get away. The tears start to fall.

''Louis!'' Harry approaches when he sees Louis up against the wall behind the dining room table, all tense and wired up, eyes wide and looking at Robin over Anne’s shoulder. She had pushed through to stand between them but she’s confused, doesn’t know what Robin did to scare Louis so much.

Harry is on full alert immediately. It seems Louis is scared of Robin, of all things, which Harry thinks is ridiculous. Robin isn’t scary but then Louis is scared.

''Harry, I…'' Robin tries to speak, guilt in his voice but Harry brushes past him, because hearing Robin's voice just made Louis cover his ears and turn sideways, muttering indescribable words.

''Lou…''

''Go away, go away go away. Don't hurt me. Please.'' Fresh tears splutter even though his eyes are closed. He is frozen against the wall, fear overpowering any defense he might’ve had. Louis can’t handle it, can’t handle everyone’s eyes on him, knowing how disgusted they all are by his disrespectful behavior.

The terror Louis feels is indescribable. Suddenly, he's remembering too much, he feels like he’s spiraling out of control in his head. Even Harry, sweet, loving Harry couldn’t fix everything that had happened, and Harry had already fixed so much about Louis. God, he just wants to escape, to drift off and fade away, to disappear completely. Louis tries to catch some breath of air, but it's failing him. His heart is pounding, his body clenching in terror, but there's no release.

''Louis, it's alright, there's no need to be scared. We're all family here, ok? And I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you. No one here is going to hurt you. I swear, over my dead body, Lou. Please.'' Harry says, but its miles away. His hands are still covering his ears, and his body is still curled against the wall and there's wetness between his legs and why can't he stop crying? Why can't he stop the sob from escaping his throat? He’s openly crying now, and there’s no stopping his tears.

"Don't," Louis gasps, in between cries, when he hears a step approaching again, "Please, please don't...I can't. Frank, I can't. I can’t take it anymore." He cowers, covering his arms over his head, his body curled defensively.

Harry doesn't grab him, shocked at the words he'd just heard. His family is standing behind him, still as the furniture. Harry doesn’t know what’s happening, but he’s too scared to look back at them and ask.

''Harry, he's having a flashback.'' Anne says, her hand reaching out to the kitchen counter to pick up the phone. ''I need to call someone to help him, someone professional, Haz…''

''No, please,'' he almost gets whiplash turning his head towards her. ''He doesn't want that. It will destroy him.''

''Harry, this is destroying him. He needs help.'' Anne says softly and Harry has no response to that, doesn’t want to admit the truth. ''Look, we'll calm him down but I'm making that phone call, alright? He can't go on like this.''

Harry watches her beckon Robin and Gemma to leave before she side-steps Harry.

''Louis love,'' Anne says sweetly. Louis is sill cowering away, standing in a pool of his own piss. There are tears in Anne's eyes that she is doing a moderate job of keeping at bay. Harry has never felt so indescribably helpless. ''Darling, I'm sorry that Robin's presence shocked you and I'm more sorry for not bringing up that he's coming tonight. I thought we had mentioned it and I'm so sorry if we didn't. But he's not around anymore, yeah? He's gone, darling. And he won't hurt you even if he's here and right now he's not, yeah? Do you understand what I'm saying?''

Louis' eyes are open, Harry noticed, but they're blank and dead, his fingers folding around his biceps, twitching and gripping so tight, he could wring blood out of his veins with how hard his fingers are digging into his flesh. Harry hurts at the sight, knowing that his left arm is gonna ache so badly after this and that the piss seeping through the cast on his leg will leave not just a smell but a blatant reminder. Louis doesn't like talking about his flashbacks, doesn't like looking Harry in the eye after he's coaxed out of it. Harry knows he needs help now, more than ever.

''Louis, mom's right. Robin won't hurt you and neither will Frank okay? That vile, inhuman person is gone. I'm here now, Lou. Please, say something.''

Louis bites his lip, doesn’t stop crying, his tears too strong for him. He can’t admit what has become of him, can’t face that the reason he’s so scared is that he is not over what happened to him, in shock over it. He is in desperate need of help, help that he can't admit to needing, help that could've stopped this from happening in the first place. His brain is still too huddled up though, in past voices and echoes of breaking bones and heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.

“I’m sorry,” Louis gasps, speaking against the wall, trying to blink the image away but it clicks then, what the flashback is about. He remembers and he doesn’t know how he was able to block it out, the memory; the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs, him lying on the floor, blood around his head, his shoulder in agony, Frank passing him by, leaving him on the floor, walking out the door with a smirk and an obvious snort, like he doesn’t give a shit, like it serves Louis right leaving him behind. He'd just pushed him down the stairs and God, even if he was drinking the night before, Louis was sure he was sober that morning with how straight he had walked passed him. No, it was no drunken accident. No, it was on purpose and he didn't care if he died. No, he just left him there, his boots marking the floor with blood, Louis' blood that he'd stepped on, grabbing his coat and keys as he left for work. God, he just left for work…

''Louis? Louis!'' he can hear his name being called. He can feel his knees shaking, his neck aching from its bent position. He doesn't know how much time passes but there's a ringing in his ears and the hunch of his back is so uncomfortable.

“I’m so sorry,” he speaks again, daring to lift his head. His cheeks are damp from the tears that don't stop falling, and when he catches sight of his feet drenched in yellow, pungent liquid, he just cries harder at the shame when he realizes what he just did.

“Oh G-God,” Louis gasps, instantly thinking of how to hide this away, this humiliating, embarrassing, stupid thing that he just did.

''Lou, I'm not mad at you, I…'' he hears Harry say but he shuts his eyes tight and covers his mouth because he can’t speak, doesn’t know what to say.

“No,” he breathes.

''Please, I'm begging you.'' Harry interrupts, tears in his voice. ''I love you. I am not mad at you. I understand. Louis, just let me be what you need right now, okay?''

Louis gulps loudly and nods once, his face contorted in pain but yeah, he needs that. He needs Harry.

''Can I…can I hug you? Can I hold you, please? I don't care, Lou.'' Harry says when Louis wrenches a ‘no’ out of his shaking lips. Louis knows it's gonna happen. He needs Harry but he can't help but tense himself for the inevitable hug. ''I don't care about the piss. I understand but I care about you, okay? I love you. I need to take care of you so please, let me.'' He's practically vibrating with the urge to touch, and Louis takes pity on him.

Louis opens his eyes, tries to move off the wall, tries to step towards Harry so that the latter doesn't come to him but he does, clumsily in his haste and in less than a second he is engulfed in familiar warmth, in a strong hold of familiar limbs hugging him so tight, tighter than he's holding himself. Harry doesn't say anything; he just folds Louis into his arms like he's been starving for contact, all staccato breaths and shaking like he's the one who'd been through a shocking experience.

Louis allows himself to breath then but everything still aches. His body heaves, aching with the pain of it all. His neck is throbbing, steady with the beat of his quick heart rate, his blood moving too fast through his veins. He needs to open his eyes, to make sure for himself that he is still okay, but he can’t face Harry. He can’t see any of his family, their disdain, their outright disgust towards him.

"It's ok," Harry mumbles into his hair. "It's ok."

He can't help but just hug Louis tighter, and Louis can't help but think that it doesn't feel bad. It doesn't feel constricting so he hugs Harry back as much as he can with one steady arm and one weak one. He breathes in the warm scent of him and it feels like coming home.

''I got you, love. I got you. Just breathe, Lou. C'mon.'' Harry says, putting him down on his feet where his toes were hovering above the ground, holding him close to his chest when he finds his footing, spanning his body allover and around him, keeping him hidden within his folds. It makes it easy for Louis to come back to his senses, to feel safe and unharmed, away from the thoughts in his head and his flashbacks.

Louis can't stop shaking still so Harry holds him up, Louis’ toes brushing his own, close from head to foot. He knows that he is the one keeping Louis on his feet right now and not crumbling on the floor. He holds him as Louis chokes on his sobs, his mouth thick as he fights to breathe once again.

It feels like hours, but Harry doesn't mind. Anne went upstairs to Robin as soon as Harry scooped Louis in his arms. He doesn't want to think about what his mother is saying or who she's calling. All that matters is Louis, finally calm enough to move. His arms shake as he forces his body up, his hands wrapping themselves around Harry's neck, burying his face under his jaw as much as he can without snapping the brace.

''Harry?'' Louis says in a small, scared voice.

''Yeah, love?'' Harry wants to bring him to the bathroom, clean him up, take care of him but he waits. He'll wait forever on Lou.

''I think…I think I need help. Counseling or. Just, I need help.'' Louis mutters but it's loud and clear. Harry tries not to sigh with relief at this long awaited admission so instead, he holds Louis tight, lifting him off the floor again with his hold and breaths him in.

''Okay, we'll get you help. And I promise, it won't change how I feel about you, darling. This doesn't change anything, I still love you. I promise.''

Louis doesn't reply but Harry doesn't need to hear it. He knows.


	30. Last First Kiss (Final chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive massive thank u to all those who read this fic. hope i did it justice with all the editing and stuff. massive credit to those who inspired it. am gonna be posting another fic soon, not mine but another work that needs editing as well. if anyone wishes for me to edit fics for them, finish them if they arent complete or whatever, am all up for it. i will also be posting some originals soon so hopefully you'll be sticking around for that. lots of love everyone and once again, thank you for reading.
> 
> another thing; the beginning part of this chapter was inspired by a scene in the movie 'now is good' starring dakota fanning. its a must watch movie so there's that and here goes the final chapter. happy reading, everyone.

He is sleeping the way he’s become accustomed to; arms wrapped around Louis’ waist, chest flushed against Louis’ back, face cocooned in the dip of his neck, breathing him in.

His sleep has become light but that is also something usual now, especially because he cares about Louis more than his own well-being and therefore, he still considers it best to be there when Louis wakes up in the middle of the night because as infrequent as his bad dreams are now compared to months before, what with the counseling and all, it is still best to be prepared...

‘’Haz, Hazzie…ugh!’’ A gasp is wrenched out of his core as he sits up abruptly; sleep still clinging to his voice, body fighting to go under for its much needed rest but propelled to seek comfort in his hour of desperation. Harry is up with him on the dot, one arm still around his waist, the other turning on the bedside lamp.

‘’I’m falling, the stairs, I’m spiraling, Haz…’’ Louis gasps like he’s drowning, words half slurred, half clear in raw panic, eyes barely open in the dark, like he’s lost in a long winding alleyway with no torch to light his way. Harry needs to guide him, needs to be that person for him.

‘’Shh, love, you’re not falling, you’re not. I got you, babe. I love you.’’ Harry comforts, lips moving against the back of his neck now clear of the brace, arms easing Louis back to the mattress, making sure his head lands gently on the pillow, making sure his fringe doesn’t stick to his sweaty forehead as he smoothly swipes the wet strands of hair against his temple.

Once Louis’ breathing evens out, Harry turns off the light and goes back to sleep, arms protective and tight around Louis’ waist. They belong there now, always have, always will.

It’s a new beginning and therefore, an end as well. The term has passed by in all its fullness and wayward events and now, finals are upon them.

Louis had studied hard just like the rest of them and yet he was sat at breakfast, reviewing his summary notes studiously while sipping tea. Harry fondly looks at him, notes the little changes. He’s no longer wearing the brace, neck in clear view for Harry to dive in and just breathe, skin offered up like a canvas for Harry to litter with colorful, gentle hickeys and loving kisses. The casts on his arm and leg are gone too, much to Harry’s delight.

He is still a skinny thing, never been able to put back enough weight to look like the Louis Zayn had described all those months ago, but healthy enough with the amount of care Harry has been showering him with, making sure he has three meals a day and a snack if he ever wants. He still has bags under his eyes but his bad dreams are becoming infrequent, regardless of last night. That was easy, Harry thinks, at least no screaming or accidental elbows to the ribs. If Louis would catch sight of the patch of blue on Harry’s chest because of that, well…he chooses not to think of it because the thought of Louis kicking him off his bed because of it will make him really irksome. Harry hasn’t slept in his own bed in months and he plans on keeping it that way for the sake of his sanity.

Therapy helps, Louis had told him and it made him happy to hear that. Sometimes, Harry would sit in the passenger seat when Louis drives towards the building for his sessions. He’d bring his homework with him and sit in the waiting room finishing them up during the two hours Louis is gone. He feels a sense of fulfillment in being with Louis, even during those steps that were uneasy for him to take in the beginning. He no longer fought when he realized how much he needs the counseling, for someone to tell him that sending his sisters’ dad to prison is not his fault and that he did not deserve the beating and abuse. It has helped a lot, helped him finally accept Robin’s presence, and even enabled him to sit in the living room with him around. He is still not into physical contact with the guy but there’s an unspoken agreement between the two where they can both co-exist and respect each other’s personal space- more Louis’ than Robins of course. It’s an improvement yet regardless, Louis has shown no inclination to Harry sleeping away from him during the nights and Harry won’t ever bring up the idea at all, vehemently against it himself if he were to be plainly honest.

Anne drives them to school for a change and Louis leans against Harry’s broad chest as he recites some information for their trigonometry exam. Harry’s arm is around his shoulders, keeping him close, always keeping him close. He is not sure if he is taking in the extra notes, too absorbed by Louis’ voice to really pay attention to the core of the words. Louis seems so invested in making sure Harry knows every tidbit there is to know in their coming exams and although he should pay attention because it might be of use, well, his interests are just not into it right now.

‘’Are you nervous?’’ Harry blurts out when Louis looks at him with an arched brow. He had probably said something like, ‘’You understood that part, Haz?’’ but Harry really wasn’t paying attention.

‘’Nervous about what?’’ Louis asks, face close that Harry can feel his breath against his face. Harry doesn’t mind it one bit.

‘’It’s your first day back in school, Lou, in like, quite a while.’’ He means since the ‘accident’ as they’re still referring to it. ‘’There will be people staring I guess but you know, don’t worry about it. I won’t…’’ he’s halfway to changing tactics, not wanting to make Louis nervous when he was so relaxed.

‘’I’m not.’’ Louis interrupts with a chuckle.

‘’Oh okay. Just, you know, I’m there for you. No one’s gonna…’’

‘’Hazzie,’’ Louis interrupts fondly. He’s stopped calling Harry with his name in so long that Harry is close to forgetting it, too fond of the nicknames Louis gives him instead.

‘’What?’’ Harry says with an innocent smile, already aware that he got caught being over-protective, again.

‘’No one in that school ever hurt me, love. I’ll be fine.’’ He says, giving Harry’s thigh a pat. ‘’Now, we need to review. C’mon, pay attention.’’ He holds Harry’s wrist dangling from around his shoulder and flips the page of his notepad with the other. Harry watches him for a while, then his eyes dart to Louis’ pointer finger as he reads the words carefully and clearly. Harry pecks Louis’ temple before properly paying attention. Louis kisses his cheek in return, almost automatically then continues like nothing happened. Harry is too in love not to smile all the way to school.

 

Louis was right; there was no need to be concerned. When they walks through the door, Louis is greeted with surprised expressions instead of angry ones, arms open in welcoming embraces instead of swinging punches, startled awes and warm friendly kisses instead of wrathful voices and drunken slurs. Harry is happy beyond words.

The teachers greet Louis in pretty much the same way later on, only formally; some even hug him like he’s their son. The football team was most enthusiastic, greeting Louis before he even stepped inside, shaking Louis’ shoulders with friendly aggressiveness, voices laughing like a boom box.

‘’Always stealing the spotlight, ay Tommo?’’ Niall says when the duo approach Louis’ locker. Harry’s arm is still around Louis’ shoulder but the shorter lad doesn’t seem to mind.

‘’Of course, dear friend. And I do not expect otherwise.’’ Louis says with dramatic haughtiness. Niall guffaws; glad to have the old Louis back. Zayn and Liam merely shake their heads fondly, as they hug Louis, one-armed because Harry won’t step away.

‘’Ready for the exam, Lou?’’ Liam asks as Louis unlocks his locker.

‘’Yup, reviewed your notes on the way.’’

‘’Oh cool.’’

They chit-chat a little and then the bell rings and they part ways, wishing each other good luck.

When the exam is over, they head to Liam’s house where Louis spends his time with the girls then joins the boys in their study group. Their next exam is English, so its Zayn’s notes that they’re going to take home.

Louis had been to Liam’s house to see his sisters as much as he could, what with balancing school and therapy. Harry would not allow him to work, at least until the summer. Harry wouldn’t ever let him lift a finger but there’s no need for Louis to know that.

The girls are sweet and Louis is sweeter when he answers their questions about their dad’s whereabouts. He is always gentle with them and soon, the questions stop. Sometimes, they’d ask to go back home, saying they miss their rooms, their beds. Louis would always say he’d think about it, wonders if he should go and get their pillows and blankets as a close substitute to what they can no longer go back to but Harry never lets him, and the boys always volunteer to go instead for anything they missed on bringing. Liam wanted to clean up the blood and the mess but in all honesty, he couldn’t do it without crumbling, so it was always an in and out mission instead.

The day passes and they go home and have Anne’s wonderfully cooked dinner. After that, they review then brush their teeth and head to bed.

‘’Night, babycakes.’’ Louis says, kissing Harry’s bicep, the closest patch of skin his mouth can reach, with a pair of smacking, wet lips. Harry chuckles, his breath hitting the back of Louis’ neck. He kisses the patch of skin there and breaths Louis in.

‘’Night, Lou. Love you.’’

‘’I know.’’ Louis says with a smile. ‘’I Love you too.’’

 

The next day passes in the same way, except Louis only has lunch with the girls at Liam’s place before heading to therapy. He used to have them three times a week but now, its once a week and once during the weekend. Harry accompanies him and studies in the waiting room. It’s his turn to make the notes for their geology exam and he keeps himself busy making a copy for Louis. Then he takes pictures and sends them via their chatbox to the boys.

Louis comes out and heads straight towards him, looking light. It’s a good session, then.

It wasn’t always like that, Harry thinks as he takes over the wheel to Louis’ car and drives them home (Louis is usually preoccupied with what was said during the session and doesn’t seem fit to drive, too distracted by his thoughts). Louis would sometimes come out of his sessions with red-rimmed eyes and puffed, splotchy cheeks, and those were bad days.

He’d been too wired up in the beginning, always panicky, always afraid. Dr. Karl, his therapist, had diagnosed him with PTSD, told him what it means when his flashbacks would trigger him, how it was totally justifiable going into shock over it. It made sense putting a name to it even if it wasn’t easy to cure. Louis’ therapist had prescribed him medicine for his anxiety attacks, panic attacks, sleeping pills for his nightmares, breathing exercises to calm him down. Louis only has half a lung working for him and when the inhaler wasn’t enough during his bad, hyperventilating days, he was a proper mess.

But it’s less now, far less, not completely over but half-way there. Harry will take what he can get.

 

The last of their exams come upon them and Harry’s eyes are glued to the clock. He can’t wait to end senior year, can’t wait to have Louis all to himself throughout their summer. Harry has it all planned. He’ll go to London’s university with Louis and the boys and he’ll live in a flat with his favorite boy. Just the thought gets him so excited.

The last bell rings and it’s like that scene in ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ where the seniors count down the handle on the clock. Wow, high school is really over, Harry thinks as he stands by Liam, Zayn and Niall amongst their peers. He keeps glancing around; waiting for Louis to pop next to him or something but as the ‘hurrah’ of the students around them ring in his ears, Louis still makes no appearance.

‘’C’mon mate, he’s probably waiting outside.’’ Zayn says loudly, Perrie’s arms around his neck, clinging to his back, all giddy and happy.

‘’Yeah, you go ahead. I’ll catch up.’’ Harry calls out, the hallway too noisy. He knows Louis now like the back of his hand; knows he’s upstairs in the rooftop. He doesn’t know why but he just knows. He embraces a lot of his fellow classmates, taking part in their nostalgia momentarily before bounding away, taking the stairs two steps at a time.

Louis isn’t sitting against the wall this time; instead he is leaning on his elbows, looking over the wall, watching the stream of seniors flocking out the school gates, showing every form of sentimentality due to the occasion. They’re graduates now, even if it’s not official yet until the ceremony but there’s an air of finality around them and Harry doesn’t know how Louis is taking it, considering his final term didn’t exactly end well, nor was his whole high school experience that perfect compared to the rest of them.

‘’Hey Lou.’’ Harry says casually, jogging up to where Louis.

‘’Hey love.’’ Louis says. He’s not in a bad mood, Harry notes.

‘’What’re you doing here? The boys are heading to the pub, they’re waiting for us.’’ Harry says, looking down as well. The football team is giving out flyers for the last game of the season, calling on everyone to attend. There is also a lot of snogging going on, some not so artfully.

‘’Just thinking.’’

‘’Yeah? Do share, how about?’’

Louis sighs. He’s not put off, just being thoughtful.

‘’Karen told me yesterday.’’ Louis says calmly.

‘’Told you what?’’ Harry asks with dread.

‘’Told me about mom giving up custody of the girls.'' the words, _'giving up on me' too_ goes unspoken but its very much there. ''I finally asked her coz the girls keep pestering me about it and I needed to give them proper answers, straightforward as they may be.’’

‘’I see.’’ Harry says quietly. He should’ve expected this.

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’I’m sorry, Lou.’’ Harry says wholeheartedly, turning towards Louis completely.

‘’Nah.’’ Louis says with a shake of his head. ‘’I expected it, made it easy to take it in when Karen told me.’’

‘’You okay, though?’’ Harry says, placing a hand on Louis’ shoulder.

Louis covers it with his own, keeping Harry’s big hand on his shoulder.

‘’I will be.’’ He says quietly.

''Yeah?''

''Yeah. I mean it will always hurt somehow but its not always on my mind, not anymore really.'' Louis pauses then pecks Harry's hand on his shoulder before looking up at him. ''And as hard as it may seem, dreaming about him isn't always on my mind either, not when I can help it. On the other hand, you are.''

''Is that a good thing?'' Harry has gone very still.

''It makes it worth surviving, instead of dying that night.'' Harry swallows, prizes himself for not flinching. ''I got you in return, Haz.'' Louis says honestly, eyes gleaming with a whole lot of love. ''I got you and the boys and my girls and I don't need anything else, or anyone else for that matter. I know that now and I am satisfied, knowing that I'm getting better at realizing that, at putting the past behind. I sure didn't enjoy it all the way and I know it’s a struggle to remember sometimes when I can’t sleep at night but its brought me here and look where we are, you know.''

''Yeah, that makes sense.'' Harry relaxes. ''It's good how positive you're thinking but still, it won't be easy, Lou. I love that you're confident and all but last night? It’s been a while.’’ Harry asks, referring to the nightmare.

‘’Nothing unusual, love.’’ Louis pats his hand before finally turning and looking up at Harry, standing close with his hands in his pockets. His eyes are bright, not teary but sad. ‘’I’m over it or I will be. Getting better, I promise.’’

‘’Surely playing the piano has been helping.’’ Harry says with a kind smile. Its been one of the greatest pleasures of his life, coming home from school and hearing Louis' sound of music coming from the extra room. He hadn't touched it when his left arm was still in a cast and the day after the doctor took it off, Harry thought it would be too soon to bring up the idea to Louis, because maybe playing it would help clear his head or fill his time. It took him by surprise when he walked upstairs and saw Louis playing, music sounding so beautiful as his fingers drifted across the ivory and ebony keys and Harry just stood there, hoping the music was bringing Louis into a peaceful state of mind.

‘’Definitely.’’ He smiles at Harry and brightens up. ’’But you’ve been even better, Hazzie. You know that.’’

''Stop.'' Harry feels his face warm up. You see, he didn’t know that until Louis actually said it. Wow, he is so wrapped up around this boy’s finger and he loves it.

‘’Can't make me. You're just lovely, my love.'' Louis says quietly, eyes all starry eyed. Harry giggles. He feels really good right now.

''And you know,’’ Louis starts, looking delighted by the cackling sound of Harry's laugh. ‘’When I start working in the summer, I’ll earn enough to ease our moving into London, pay my tuition and pay Anne back for all my therapy sessions but most importantly,’’ he says when Harry was about to interrupt. ‘’I’ll spend proper time with you, alright? I’m moving on, sweetcheeks. I’m trying my hardest. Sounds good?’’

Harry sighs; they’ve talked about this, about owing Anne and Karen money but Louis is undeterred. Still, in return he got Louis to agree to move to London with him, to continue working on being in the present with him rather than in the past so it’s a win-win.

‘’C’mere.’’ Harry beckons, opening his arms for Louis.

Louis laughs as he winds his arms around Harry’s waist. Harry hugs him tight, the way he always does because Louis is precious, his everything.

‘’Sounds proper good, Lou babe.’’

‘’Hmm.’’ Louis hums. ‘’I’m counting on it.’’

 

They celebrate big time in the pub that night, a great number of seniors showing up. They won’t stay long; just long enough to watch the match of Chelsea versus Real Madrid on the pub’s tellie before heading back to school to attend the last match of the season. They’re against Austin so no worries there.

The school is packed and Louis is surprised when the couch calls him down to join his team. Louis had given up on the idea of getting a football scholarship given all the matches he’d missed out and it’s the reason why he started to focus extra more on his studies in order to try and get a scholarship based on his academics instead. But the fact that his teammates still consider him captain, demanding he gives his boost speech in the locker room before the game starts is quite an honor.

Harry waits for him to come back but Louis doesn’t and Harry doesn’t mind. He sits with Zayn and Niall as they cheer for Liam, the substitute captain but most importantly, he watches Louis as he cheers for his team on the sidelines, shouting out instructions. It’s a great night and of course, they win.

They go back to the pub and celebrate properly this time, bringing out the pints and mics for open mic night. Louis was bidding his fellow teammates goodbye, leaning against the door, his laugh ringing in Harry’s ears. The team had decided to head to a night club with their girlfriends and Louis would decline whenever they’d insist and invite him along. While waiting, Harry pulls out his phone and plays around until he lands on the video Zayn had recorded of Louis, all those months ago. He opens it and presses play.

It’s been a while since he’s heard Louis sing, and it hits him all over again, how in love he is with his best friend, how undeniably besotted he is with him. He is so proud of his best boy, of how far he’d come, of how he’d overcome the obstacles life threw at him and how he’s still holding on, when it would be understandable to give up and throw it all away.

‘’Whatcha doing?’’ Louis says as he plops on Harry’s lap gracefully. He pulls the phone away and looks at what Harry is watching.

‘’It’s a video of you from that night, when you sang ''Rain''. Zayn recorded it.’’

‘’You never told me about this.’’ Louis says with a confused brow as he pauses the video. He looks proper adorable.

‘’It’s my treasure, Louis love.’’ Harry says sweetly. ‘’For my eyes only.’’ Harry bats his eyelashes as he plucks the phone away and stashes it in his pocket before properly winding his arms around Louis’ waist, loving his weight on his lap.

Louis shakes his head at him, too enamored by Harry and all his grand gestures.

‘’I wanna sing a song for you tonight.’’ He tells him. ‘’And I want you to delete that and record this for keeps instead.’’

Before Harry could squeak a word, Louis pecks him quickly on the lips before he struts away, towards the stage.

‘’Shit!’’ Harry mutters when it hits him what’s about to happen. He looks to his left and pulls at Zayn’s sleeve, stopping the raven-haired lad from snogging the lights out of Perry.

‘’What the f…?’’

‘’Quick, you need to record this, c’mon.’’ Harry interrupts as he shoves his phone in Zayn’s palm then turns around, facing the stage.

‘’You record it yourself, I’m busy here.’’ Zayn says, annoyed as fuck.

‘’Please, Zayny.’’ Harry begs. ‘’PLEASE!’’ he pouts and gives the whole Harry package of a perfect whine. In the end, Zayn huffs and plucks the phone.

‘’You owe me, dickhead.’’

‘’Love you too.’’

 

‘’I wanna dedicate this song to a very special person in my life.’’ Louis says, holding unto the microphone, dazzling blue eyes on no one but Harry. He is sitting on a high chair much like before, back straight, hands dainty, stage lights ricocheting off his defined cheekbones. He looks as beautiful as ever.

Harry tries to breathe. Louis is going to be the death of him.

‘’And as much as I’d like to get to the ‘singing’ part right away, I hope you can endure this little speech of mine coz its important this person knows how much he means to me first.’’

‘’I’m betting ten Guinness he’s gonna make Harreh cry.’’ Niall whispers conspiratorially to Liam.

‘’You’re on.’’ Liam replies even though he knows he’s gonna lose; there’s no way Harry won’t melt into a puddle of tears at this. Zayn snorts in agreement.

Harry hears none of it, too mesmerized by the love of his life on the stage. They haven’t made it official, despite all the kissing and cuddles that went beyond friendship. Harry doesn’t mind waiting; he doesn’t want to rush Louis, wants to move by his pace instead. But it seems Louis has decided to take a step forward tonight.

‘’It’s easy to believe, to realize that the people worthy of being called ‘special’ in your life, are the people whom you’ve lived with long enough to know them thoroughly and completely, know their secrets and them knowing yours in return. This special person and I are not even half way there in our years but I think the way he was there for me, in every sense of the word, makes him beyond special.’’ Louis pauses as he swallows, nerves kicking in. ‘’If holding me when I was bleeding is anything to go by or warming me up when I was freezing cold, waiting by my hospital bed and offering an endless stream of comfort, God, I don’t know how did he not get tired of clinging to me when I couldn’t cling back and how he found enough patience to put me back to sleep when I woke up every hour of the night crying my eyes out like a fucking baby, like, that’s just…’’ Louis chuckles wetly as he ducks his head, trying to control himself from ranting his brains out. Harry held a hand to his mouth, swallowing the shudder piercing him at Louis’ words and the painful memories he will forever carry in his chest.

‘’Sorry,’’ Louis breathes into the mic before looking back at Harry, his eyes always capable of finding him. ‘’It’s just, there are no words to describe how extraordinary this person has been to me but I’ll try to give it to him because I need to say it, perhaps more than he needs to hear it, that on one cold day along a long winding road, he accepted all of me and saved me, and it mattered just as much as when he came through for me with all his promises, talking to me with that lovely voice of his. He saved me, not just from dying but he saved me from living hell and it’s not a cliché. He really did save me along with three extraordinary friends. I call them ‘’the three musketeers’’ because it’s really just fitting, with Liam as Athos and Zayn as Aramis and Niall as the one who drinks a lot.’’ Louis chuckles and a loud guffaws pipes out from Niall. Louis pauses to hear it before he continues in a serious, warm tone. ‘’And I can’t thank them enough because they’re my brothers and they didn’t abandon me when I needed them the most and well, I can only say ‘thank you’ so much before the words feel ratty and over-used but still, thank you. You don’t how much it means to be here right now because of you.’’

By now, even Niall is crying silent tears. Liam is pressing his fingers to the ducts of his eyes to stop himself from tearing up and Perrie had taken over Harry’s phone when Zayn’s hand started to shake.

‘’And most importantly because of this special person, who’s given me so much of his heart already, so much of the best of him and its more than humbling. He simply can’t just be thanked or praised or even sung to, really. It’s ridiculous,’’ Louis shakes his head, looking straight at Harry, more like straight into his soul with how Harry is deeply affected.

‘’It is, isn’t it, babe, how much I love you? How in love with you I am? How I want that to be for like, for a really long time? Yeah,’’ Louis nods as Harry’s tears spurt down his cheeks, his hand covering half his face. It’s the first time he’s heard those words from Louis, where the meaning is beyond that between two best mates.

‘’So instead of ‘thank you’, I’d rather say ‘'I love you, Hazzie. I love you for being the love of my life, love of my everything’’, take your pick; I know you love all that sappiness.’’ He chuckles fondly. ‘’And no measure of time with you, will be long enough to say more of those three words, but I'll keep trying and I’d like to do so by starting with this song.’’ He ends quietly as John starts playing the piano.

 

Louis sings him; ‘’To make you feel my love’’ the Adele version and Niall wins his bet.

 

 

Summer starts with Harry accompanying Louis to interviews for jobs he’s applying to. He gets two jobs, one during the week as a barista in a café and one as an employee in ‘’Toys R us’’ during the weekend. He also works in the bakery with Harry in the early mornings, doesn’t mind the hours. Harry applies and works with him in the café and in an Italian restaurant during the weekend as a waiter. He saves up for college and its fun, getting to go home together and work alongside each other most of the time.

Louis saves up his earnings and tips, Harry saves only half, the other; he uses to take Louis out on dates.

Their relationship doesn’t include a physical aspect, and they’re alright with that. None of them ever dated boys before so it’s weird taking a step in that direction. They’re too comfortable with just sharing cuddles and kisses, snogging the lights out of each other. It’s good. It’s more than good.

Louis gets excellent grades on his finals and it’s a wondrous day when he gets up on the podium and receives his diploma. His sisters are there, all the people that matter are there for him, even his coach, who supported him even when Louis could no longer play the sport he loves. Harry was afraid he’d look for his mother in the crowd but Louis doesn’t.

‘’I only have eyes for you now.’’ Louis tells him before snogging his face off.

 

By the end of the summer, Louis receives a letter stating he has received a full scholarship to the drama school he applied to in London and Harry spoils him rotten when he gets the news, taking him out to an expensive place where they drank French wine and slow danced to beautiful music in their balcony later that night. They meet up with the boys the next day to have a group celebration. They’re all excited about college, sharing expectations and concerns alike about their college of choice; Zayn to Arts school, Niall and Liam to law school and Harry to engineering.

Eleanor calls while they’re waiting for their pizzas and beers and Louis steps out of the restaurant to take it.

''So, Haz.'' Liam says at some point in their conversation. 

''What?'' Harry feels like he'll get reprimanded or something.

''So, we've always known that Louis' bi even though he's never dated a boy before you and we all know that Louis' your first boy as well. However, you and Louis have been dating for quite some time now.'' Liam says as he folds his hands on the table and sits up straight, like a stern father. Harry thinks he really looks the part.

''Okay.'' Harry drawls. He glances at Zayn and Niall but neither boy seem willing to get him off the hook. He's up against Liam alone, then.

''Well, I just want to make sure you're not experimenting or something.'' Liam says, casually with a hint of warning. Harry gulps.

''Liam, in case you haven't noticed, I haven't dated anyone since I first arrived here.'' he points out carefully. ''So, what makes you sure I'm straight and just experimenting?''

Niall and Zayn looked at each other then shrugged, convinced. Liam narrowed his eyes at him though.

''So, you're serious about Louis then? Like properly into him and not just doing this out of pity or...''

''Wow there, hang on a second.'' Harry interrupts him, slightly angry. ''I'm in love with Louis and he's my boyfriend and I am totally wrapped around his finger, hell, I'd move mountains for him.'' he calms down his breathing before he continues steadily. ''And just so you know, its supposed to be no one's business but his and my own about who gets to know about our preferences. Is that clear enough for you?''

''Well, thank you, Harry.'' Liam says calmly, not even at least bothered. ''That's all I needed to hear.'' he resumes his meal without even batting an eyelash.

Harry just shakes his head fondly at him. If he wasn't so damn aware that Liam is just looking out for Louis, he'd be quite certain that this conversation would have headed in a different direction.

 

Half an hour later, Louis is still on his phone. Harry is getting worried sick.

‘’Relax, mate.’’ Niall says when Harry keeps staring at the window where he is faced with nothing but Louis’ back to him. ‘’He loves you. He made that pretty obvious too. Besides they’ve broken up.’’

Harry doesn’t mention that they’ve never really broken up properly; Louis was too drugged up on painkillers and hurting all over whereas Eleanor was too kind to do it properly when Louis was in such a state.

‘’I know, I’m being ridiculous.’’ Harry says nonetheless too distracted to share his proper thoughts though, eyes steady on Louis.

‘’Yup, you also seem very aware of that.’’ Zayn says in what Harry is sure is accompanied with an eye roll.

‘’It’s just, you know how huge his crush was on her, right?’’ he tells them, his concern seeping through his voice. ‘’I practically handed him to her with nothing but green lights ahead.’’

‘’But he chose you in the end, mate. C’mon.’’ Niall says with fond exasperation.

Their second round of pizza arrives before Harry could reply and he refuses to eat with the boys until Louis comes back to the table. Even at home, he doesn’t eat until Louis takes a bite first. It’s ridiculous how in love he is.

When Louis does return and picks up a slice, Harry still doesn’t relax but he does eat alongside his boyfriend.

When he’s half way to his third slice, he just has to ask.

‘’So, how is she?’’ he hopes he sounds casual but he’s pretty sure he sounds as nosey as ever.

‘’Umm, she’s good.’’ Louis hesitates and shit, Harry is going to have a fucking embarrassing breakdown and…

‘’We, I broke up with her again, officially this time, or as officially as I could since it was on the phone and all.’’ Louis whispers to him, making sure the boys are preoccupied with their conversation.

‘’You did?’’ Harry gulps. He actually visibly relaxes that Louis sighs fondly at him and pulls him close with a hand around his waist.

‘’I love you, babe. We're boyfriends now so no worries, yeah?’’ he says with a peck to his temple.

Harry smiles so big, wrapping an arm around Louis’ shoulder, feeling like the sun is in his chest, all warm and glowing.

‘’No worries.’’ He confirms. He is sure there will be loads to worry about when they move to London, but Louis is solid against him, in love with him and he is in love with him back and in that matter, there couldn’t possibly be anything to worry about.  

 

The End.

 

 


End file.
